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Lyr Req: Songs by Jehosophat & Jones / 2 Ronnies

DigiTrad:
BOLD SIR JOHN


Related threads:
Lyr Add: Gilbert and Sullivan (The Two Ronnies) (9)
The two Ronnies (28)
Lyr Req: Bold Sir John (Two Ronnies sketch) (105)
Obit: Ronnie Corbett (1930-2016) (19)
Two Ronnies Barbershop Sketch song (7)
BS: Two Ronnies on Freeview ITV3 (1)
Obit: Ronnie Barker (1929-2005) (47)
Lyr Req: The Two Ronnies - The Morris dancers (17)
two ronnies - a puritan am i (4)


BanjoRay 06 Sep 00 - 07:33 PM
GUEST,Michael in Swansea 07 Sep 00 - 09:19 AM
Liz the Squeak 07 Sep 00 - 06:54 PM
Snuffy 09 Sep 00 - 12:24 AM
Liz the Squeak 09 Sep 00 - 05:41 AM
Snuffy 09 Sep 00 - 06:03 AM
Liz the Squeak 10 Sep 00 - 05:29 AM
Bud Savoie 10 Sep 00 - 06:46 AM
Liz the Squeak 10 Sep 00 - 12:34 PM
Noreen 10 Sep 00 - 12:43 PM
Brendy 10 Sep 00 - 01:01 PM
Bud Savoie 10 Sep 00 - 01:29 PM
BanjoRay 10 Sep 00 - 04:57 PM
Liz the Squeak 10 Sep 00 - 05:29 PM
GUEST,Ernie 07 Jun 07 - 09:41 AM
Liz the Squeak 07 Jun 07 - 11:31 AM
GUEST,CopperEye1960 15 Aug 08 - 08:59 PM
GUEST,eoj in Dublin 07 Oct 08 - 03:12 PM
GUEST,Neil 28 Apr 09 - 06:17 AM
Banjo-Flower 28 Apr 09 - 09:53 AM
GUEST,BanjoRay 28 Apr 09 - 11:04 AM
GUEST,fitferg, 04 Aug 09 - 11:55 AM
GUEST 08 Nov 09 - 05:17 AM
GUEST,sibbie 30 Dec 10 - 12:11 PM
GUEST 26 May 11 - 04:22 PM
GUEST,jjbshauntedhouse 29 Jun 11 - 09:28 AM
Bonzo3legs 29 Jun 11 - 09:30 AM
GUEST,jjbshauntedhouse 29 Jun 11 - 09:58 AM
jjbshauntedhouse 29 Jun 11 - 10:20 AM
jjbshauntedhouse 29 Jun 11 - 11:50 AM
Jim Dixon 22 Jul 11 - 11:46 PM
GUEST,nel. 20 Jul 12 - 07:48 AM
GUEST,Linda King 24 Jul 19 - 04:54 PM
Jim Dixon 05 Aug 19 - 11:24 AM
Jim Dixon 06 Aug 19 - 04:11 PM
Snuffy 06 Aug 19 - 05:23 PM
Jim Dixon 06 Aug 19 - 09:21 PM
Jim Dixon 07 Aug 19 - 02:51 PM
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Subject: Jehoshephat and Jones
From: BanjoRay
Date: 06 Sep 00 - 07:33 PM

Do any of you cultured people recall seeing Ronnie Barker and Ronnie Corbett appearing on The Two Ronnies as Big Jim Jehoshephat and Fat Belly Jones, a pair of country singers with huge beards and songs full of double entendres? They brought out an LP called Jehoshephat and Jones with some superb songs on it. An example verse, vaguely remembered:

I drunk some coffee and I drunk some tea
And I'm in the yard with a belly full of watermelon
Don't plant cotton and I don't plant grass
I'm in the henyard sittin' on my corn patch

Bring out your memories and examples!
Cheers
Ray


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones
From: GUEST,Michael in Swansea
Date: 07 Sep 00 - 09:19 AM

Remember them well. I did have a copy of the LP which I lent to someone about 20 years ago. Never seen again, sorely missed.
M


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Sep 00 - 06:54 PM

I have a copy of that very same LP, play it often, and want to do one of the songs one day.

Last time I saw grandma,
It really was a shame,
She looked a million dollars
But we buried her just the same!!

I have been known to do the odd verse of 'we knew what she meant' after a couple of sniffs at the parafin lamps....

I was convinced that I'd dreamt them and that mine was the only copy in the world of that record, but I'm glad to hear there are at least two other weirdo's in the world!!

LTS


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Subject: Lyr Add: UP CAT POLE CAT (The Two Ronnies)
From: Snuffy
Date: 09 Sep 00 - 12:24 AM

Ray,

This evening I found a tape that I didn't know we had. There's no writing on the sleeve, but a little sticker on one side says "Jehosaphat & Jones" (the other side says "Round the Horne"). I guess it must be a copy of the J&J vinyl, and the bit you (mis-?)quoted is the chorus of the first track. I've typed the whole song out for you to savour the double-entendres. But not having a track listing I don't know what it's called!

UP CAT POLE CAT
Words by Ronnie Barker
As recorded by The Two Ronnies (Ronnie Barker and Ronnie Corbett) on “Jehosophat and Jones” (1973)

CHORUS: Up cat, polecat, juniper tree,
Lyin’ in the yard with a belly full o’ watermelon,
Don't pick cotton and I don't plant grass,
Out in the open sittin’ on my corn patch.

1. Down in Louisiana where the corn is high,
Keep a-jumpin’ up to see the gals pass by.
Down by the river where the bullrush grows
Watch the gals swimmin’ there without no hesitation. CHORUS

2. Met Mary Ellen by the old barn door.
I know just what she's a-waitin’ for.
Up in the loft where the oil lamp flickers,
I lost my heart and she lost her parasol. CHORUS

3. Annie was kissed by the preacher's son.
She said to him: "Now what you been an' gone an' done?"
He said: "I'm at the end o’ my wits
Ever since the time I grabbed you by the currant bushes." CHORUS

4. Down in Louisiana where the nights are gay,
The owls are trained to look the other way.
Down on the beach when the nights are black,
You'll find all the young girls lyin’ on their best behaviour. CHORUS

5. Townsfolk come here, try to settle down.
Pretty soon it's gonna be a great big town.
We'll build a lot o’ roads an' houses an' then
They'll all have to move to the country again. CHORUS


Wassail! V

[Corrections made by a Mudelf.]


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 09 Sep 00 - 05:41 AM

It is called 'Up cat, Pole cat' and if you like I can do you a track listing. This album deserves more exposure!! If you like the double entendres, listen out for one called 'we knew what she meant' which has the lines - 'I need some material to make a new belt, perhaps you can tell me where I can get felt'.

Ah, gonna have to go play it now.....

LTS


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones
From: Snuffy
Date: 09 Sep 00 - 06:03 AM

I listened to the whole thing for the first time at about 3.30 this morning. Kept me from falling asleep!

Liz, a track listing would be great. Will you PM me, or post it here? I assume you're also following the Kenneth Williams thread.

Wassail! V


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 10 Sep 00 - 05:29 AM

Not following KW, too long to fit in before church (I'm late already!)

Have words to 'we knew what she meant', posting now..... track list to follow.

LTS


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones
From: Bud Savoie
Date: 10 Sep 00 - 06:46 AM

Liz, how can you be late for church at 5:29 AM?


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 10 Sep 00 - 12:34 PM

Because it was 10.30am here....!

Now it is 5.36 and I'm late for a concert - been one of those days all round!

LTS


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones
From: Noreen
Date: 10 Sep 00 - 12:43 PM

a)Dawn Service?
b)Long way to travel?
c)Really 10.29 am here in UK, Bud!
delete as appropriate

Noreen


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones
From: Brendy
Date: 10 Sep 00 - 01:01 PM

The Two Ronnies!!

B.


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones
From: Bud Savoie
Date: 10 Sep 00 - 01:29 PM

So the time is marked when received, not when sent? OK, now I know.


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones
From: BanjoRay
Date: 10 Sep 00 - 04:57 PM

Thanks for the words, Snuffy, its been 25 years since I heard them, which is why I got them wrong. If someone brought this out on CD I would be a well pleased bloke.
cheers
Ray


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 10 Sep 00 - 05:29 PM

It is hard enough getting it on vinyl, CD is practically impossible unless we picket the BBC.

Still haven't done the track listing, but concert I thought I was late for, was 1/2 hour later than I'd been told, so I wasn't late, and it was bloody fantastic.

LTS


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones / Jehosaphat and Jones
From: GUEST,Ernie
Date: 07 Jun 07 - 09:41 AM

I got this album in a flea market, about 20 odd years ago, for £1.99 would you believe. It is priceless and I would never part with it. Up Cat is the popular song but I like "Stuttering Bum" and "We Knew What She Meant" just as much. What annoys me is that the BBC never brought out a video of Big Jim and Fat Belly doing their songs. I have spoken to many people who are into Country Music, as I am, and they have said the same and would undoubtedly have bought the video had it been made. Perhaps we need to put pressure on the BBC to make such a video, because there is no doubt, it will sell.


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones / Jehosaphat and Jones
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Jun 07 - 11:31 AM

I suspect there is very little of it around. They appeared as Big Jim and Fat Belly in a couple of programmes, but not enough to have provided the amount of material there is on the LP. I think they probably realised they had a possible money maker with these personas and just sat in the studio to cut the disc. It's highly unlikely they ever appeared on screen for as long as the LP is.

LTS - another Fat Belly fan from way back!


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones / Jehosaphat and Jones
From: GUEST,CopperEye1960
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 08:59 PM

just caught a two ronnies rerun on UK Gold - They did Jehosephat and Jones - first time I heard them in 20 years. Got the vinyl still ( I think ) in the attic - gonna have to get it down and play it - The only vinyl player Ive got is a converter to digital - so I can put it on the IPod!!!!


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones / Jehosaphat and Jones
From: GUEST,eoj in Dublin
Date: 07 Oct 08 - 03:12 PM

I am looking for the words of a song called the stuttering bum.
Any idea where they can be found.
Kind Regards


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones / Jehosaphat and Jones
From: GUEST,Neil
Date: 28 Apr 09 - 06:17 AM

I count myself as fortunate that my folks raised me on a diet of Tom Lehrer and the Two Ronnies. I loved J & J particularly Ronnie Barker's mickey take of Willie Nelson. My favourite from the album was Up Cat Pole Cat and The Railroad Song. Please someone post me the words to the Railroad Song...I have the tune in my head but the words are sadly jumbled over the years.


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones / Jehosaphat and Jones
From: Banjo-Flower
Date: 28 Apr 09 - 09:53 AM

Now on youtube

Gerry


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones / Jehosaphat and Jones
From: GUEST,BanjoRay
Date: 28 Apr 09 - 11:04 AM

Here they are on YouTube
This was their first appearance, with three songs.

Ray


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones / Jehosaphat and Jones
From: GUEST,fitferg,
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 11:55 AM

HELP!!! I barely remember the words to a particular J&J song but either the chorus or the lyric went "Let me go round again Lord, please let me go round again", it was someone recalling the life they had led so far and beseeching God to give them another go,I would be forever grateful if anyone could give me the full lyrcs as I recall the song being hilarious, thanks in advance, cheers


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Subject: Lyr Add: RAILROAD MAN (Two Ronnies)
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Nov 09 - 05:17 AM

Lyrics to "The Railroad Song" as far as I remember them... corrections gratefully received.

RAILROAD MAN
Words by Ronnie Barker
As recorded by The Two Ronnies (Ronnie Barker and Ronnie Corbett) on “Jehosophat and Jones” (1973)

1. They told me when I left the jailhouse:
"Now, try to go straight if you can,"
Now I'm doin' fine ‘cause I'm on a straight line,
A-workin' for the railroad man, O Lord,
A-workin' for the railroad man.

2. They said: "Lay tracks for the railroad,
‘Cause steam means speed and power,"
So I'm doin' my best and I'm travellin' west
About fifteen feet an hour, O Lord,
About fifteen feet an hour.

3. Oh, I crouched all night layin’ track down,
And the wind on my back made me choke,
And I felt that the bottom had fell out of my life
Till I found that my braces had broke, O Lord,
I found that my braces had broke.

4. Somebody stole my hammer,
But I still gotta earn my bread,
And life ain't so grand when you're standin' on your hands
A-drivin' in the rivets with your head, O Lord,
Drivin' in the rivets with your head.

5. There's a curve in the track up yonder.
I think it's the beginnin' of the end.
I've tried goin' straight, but sad to relate,
I think I'm goin' round the bend, O Lord.
I think I'm a-goin' round the bend.


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones / Jehosaphat and Jones
From: GUEST,sibbie
Date: 30 Dec 10 - 12:11 PM

I used the subtitles on this episodeL

It's

Up cat, polecat, juniper tree,
Lyin' in the garden with a belly full o' watermelon,
Don't pick cotton and I don't plant grass,
Out in the open, sitting in the cornpatch.


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones / Jehosaphat and Jones
From: GUEST
Date: 26 May 11 - 04:22 PM

got the LP too. its great. Does anyone remember the full lyrics to "oblige me with another one"? All I can remember of it is the following....

I went to the vet's, just the other day,
Got a pill for my dog, so his cough would go away,
But when I got home, I stood it on the shelf,
And it fell into the coffee pot, so I swallowed it myself

..............CHORUS..............

I've never done anythin like this before,
And I'll tell you, one thing foe sure,
The efect its not immediate, but its worth waitin for,
So oblige me with another one, like the one I had before....
ONLY STRONGER......


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Subject: Lyr Add: STUTTERING BUM (Two Ronnies)
From: GUEST,jjbshauntedhouse
Date: 29 Jun 11 - 09:28 AM

STUTTERING BUM
Words by Ronnie Barker
As recorded by The Two Ronnies (Ronnie Barker and Ronnie Corbett) on “Jehosophat and Jones” (1973)

1. Oh-oh, Mary Lou, I'm a-callin’ you up on the telephone
To say thanks for comin’ to the dance with me and lettin’ me take you home.
I'm sorry I seemed so nervous and started to stammer and sweat,
But it s-started as soon as I s-saw you and I ain't got over it yet.

2. I stared at your great big b-b-b-b-b-beautiful blue-green eyes.
I wondered if you f-f-f-f-f-flirted with all the guys.
When you smiled, I nearly sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shot right out the door,
‘Cause I’d never seen such pretty little t-t-t-t-t-teeth before.

3. I ain’t y-usually a bashful boy; I’ve took out other gals.
I’ve kissed ‘em on the b-b-b-b-backdoor step and p-p-p-p-promised to be pals,
But since I first caught sight of you on the Brownsville buggy ride,
Why I’ve become a s-stutterin’ bum and my tongue’s perpetually t-tied.

4. My c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-collar gets awful tight
When I f-f-f-f-f-feel you close as I did last night.
I get a funny feeling in my b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-brain,
And I can't w-w-wer till I p-p-p-per; I j-just gotta see you again.

5. She said she'd see me Saturday and I put down the phone.
My tongue is back to normal now, now I'm once more alone,
But next time that I meet her on Saturday night around ten,
You can b-bet your b-bottom dollar I'll be a st-stutterin' bum again.

6. I'll grab her by the b-b-b-b-b-barn and p-p-p-push her inside.
I'll take my c-courage in both hands and ask her to be my b-bride;
And if she holds my c-c-clammy hand and tells me that she would,
I'll f-f-f-f-f-fetch a preacher right away and that'll cure my stutter for good.

That’s good. That's g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-good.


The end. Hope this is what you wanted.

[Corrections made by a Mudelf.]


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones / Jehosaphat and Jones
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 29 Jun 11 - 09:30 AM

Jumpin' Jehoshephat Big Blon' Baby!!!


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones / Jehosaphat and Jones
From: GUEST,jjbshauntedhouse
Date: 29 Jun 11 - 09:58 AM

When you smiled I nearly sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shot right out the door
Cos I'd never seen such pretty little t-t-t-teeth before.
I ain't usually a bashful boy; I've took out other gals
I've kissed them on the b-b-b-b-b backdoor step and p-p-p-p-p-promised to be pals

But since I first caught sight of you on the Brownsville b-b-b-buggy ride,
Well I've become a s-s-s=stuttering bum und my tongue is p-p-p-perpetually t-t-tied
My c-c-c-c-c-c-c-collar gets awful tight
When I f-f-f-f-f-feel you close as I d-d-d-did last night.

Sorry this verse goes before "I get a funny feeling in my b-b-b-b-b-brain"


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones / Jehosaphat and Jones
From: jjbshauntedhouse
Date: 29 Jun 11 - 10:20 AM

pity i missed a verse out but its easier singing it than write the lyrics down the song has been my party piece 4 years. if you remember the tune try it youll have a laugh


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Subject: RE: Jehoshephat and Jones / Jehosaphat and Jones
From: jjbshauntedhouse
Date: 29 Jun 11 - 11:50 AM

id like to tell you a little poem i read on a lavetory wall in prentiss new jersey it went right from a little window at the topdown to the skirting board.boy i had 2 strain 2 read that last verse. my tale is a weird 1 was found long ago in a book on my granpappys shelf`so hush while i tell it and dont make a sound cos id like 2 hear it myself,it was writ in the days when the yukon was rich and the miners got drunk every night,it was writ all in red by my old uncle jed cos he was the 1 that could write now our story begins with a quarrel 1 night between jed and his pretty wife nell she d lost all his dough at a gambling saloon and 1 of her garters as well, as she stood there that night just a little bit tight she threw off her clothes in disgust,whats the matter said jed and she drunkenly said as she undid her corsett youre bust,jed knew what she meant all his gold she had spent and he sat there a while making faces,and as she bent down to unlace her boots he gave her a belt with his braces,nell gave a quick jump with her hand 2 her rump and a yell all alaska could hear,and she made a quick run and she snatched up jeds gun and poked it inside of jeds ear,thats the finish said nell ive had all i can take do you hear me get out of my sight,well old jed could hear and the gun in his ear made him hear even better that night,so he quitted the shack and never looked back as he went out to search 4 more gold but his luck was out and he wandered about till at last he was dying of cold,so he dragged himself into a nearby saloon ,which was known as the barrel of glue,it was 1 of those joints where the men are all men,and most of the women are 2,he bought himself into a poker game by producing his very last dollar,he started 2 deal with hope in his heart and 3 aces under his collar,he won thick and fast whenthe evening was passed he owned all the gold on the table as well as 3 mines and 3/4 share in a mexican showgirl called mabel.you cheated you swine said lou with a whine and grabbed old jed by the neck he started to squeeze till jed dropped 2 his knees and with 1 final wheeze hit the deck. then as jed lay in came a woman as lou looked up she spat straight in his eye from the doorway, it was nell and she really looked as she grabbed jed and rushed him outside and they never stopped running 4 7 long miles till they found some place 2 hide,it was a room booked by nell in a sleezy hotel a dollar a night double roomer it was built out of driftwood and named ath savoy by some guy with a quick sense of humour,im puzzled dear nell said jed and i want 2 hear tell how hells name managed 2 find me ive been wandering too just like you said nell and the thought made me wince,but the reason my dear is that whack on the rear i just aint sat down ever since


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Subject: Lyr Add: NELL OF THE YUKON (Ronnie Barker)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 11:46 PM

Copied from http://monologues.co.uk/1960-2000/Nell_of_the_Yukon.htm. I have boldfaced the parts that were missing from jjbshauntedhouse's version.


NELL OF THE YUKON
By Ronnie Barker

My tale is a weird one. 'Twas found long ago,
In a book on my grandpappy's shelf,
So hush while I tell it, and don't make a sound,
'Cos I'd like to hear it myself.

It was writ in the days when the Yukon was rich,
And the miners got drunk every night.
It was writ all in red, by my old Uncle Jed,
'Cos he was the one as could write.

Now the story begins with a quarrel, one night,
Between Jed and his pretty wife, Nell.
She'd lost all his dough at the gambling saloon,
And one of her garters as well.

Now Nell was a gal with a wonderful shape.
She could hit a spittoon at ten paces.
When she went on the town, she wore a tight gown,
And was seen in all the right places.


Well, she'd come home that night, just a little bit tight,
And she threw off her clothes in disgust.
"What's the matter?" said Jed, and she drunkenly said
As she undid her corset, "You're bust!"

Now Jed knew what she meant: all his gold she had spent,
And he sat there awhile, making faces,
Then as she bent over to unlace her boots,
He gave her a belt, with his braces.

Nell gave a great jump, with her hand to her rump,
And a yell all Alaska could hear,
Then she made a quick run, and she snatched up Jed's gun,
And she poked it inside of Jed's ear.

"That's the finish," said Nell, "I've had all I can take.
Do you hear me? Get out of my sight!"
Well, old Jed could hear, and the gun in his ear
Made him hear even better that night.

So he quitted the shack, and he never looked back,
And he set out to search for more gold;
But his luck it was out, and he wandered about,
Till at last he was dying of cold.

So he dragged himself into a nearby saloon,
Which was known as the "Barrel of Glue."
It was one of those joints where the men are all men,
And most of the women are, too.

The place was a gambling hell, it was clear.
Every man jack was betting and boozing.
Three miners were winning a strip-poker game,
And a girl with no clothes on was losing.

Jed sat down at a table and bought himself in

By producing his very last dollar;
And he started to deal with hope in his heart,
And three aces under his collar.

And he won thick and fast; when the evening was past,
He owned all the gold on the table,
As well as six mines, and a three-quarter share
In a Mexican showgirl called Mabel.

Then in walked Black Lou, with a sackful of gold,
And he challenged poor Jed, with a leer.
"One cut and one call, and the winner takes all,
And the loser must buy all the beer!"

What could Jed do? He hated Black Lou,
As everyone did in those parts;
So Jed shuffled the cards, and both players cut,
And both players cut Ace of Hearts!

Then up jumped Black Lou, and his face went bright blue,
(Which astonished a passing physician)
And he used a foul word that no one had heard
Since the time of the Great Exhibition.


"You cheated, you swine!" said Lou with a whine,
As he grabbed Uncle Jed round the neck;
And he started to squeeze, 'til Jed dropped to his knees,
And with one final wheeze, hit the deck.

The whole saloon froze as Black Lou drew his gun
"Alright, stranger!" said he, "Have it your way."
When in rushed a woman... and as Lou turned round,
She spat straight in his eye, from the doorway.

It was Nell! There she stood, and she really looked good

As she grabbed Jed, and rushed him outside
And they didn't stop running for seven long miles,
Till they found themselves some place to hide.

'Twas a room booked by Nell in a sleazy hotel,
A dollar-a-night double-roomer.
It was built out of driftwood, and named "The Savoy"
By some guy with a quick sense of humour.

Well, they flopped on the bed. "Thank the Lord," said old Jed.
"My gambling days are behind me,

But I'm puzzled, dear Nell, and I want to hear tell,
How in hell's name you managed to find me?"

"I've been wandering too, all around, just like you,"
Said Nell, "and the thought makes me wince;
And the reason, my dear, was that whack on the rear.
I just ain't sat down, ever since."

And they lay there awhile, then Jed, with a smile
Said, "I'll never more leave this old town.
We'll find peace, you and I," but he got no reply,
For young Nell was a-sleeping, face down.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by 'Jehosaphat and Jones' (Ronnies)
From: GUEST,nel.
Date: 20 Jul 12 - 07:48 AM

this used to be my favourite album when i was a little kid, i knew all the words from heart and yes, i got the jokes. well most of them anyway. so delighted to rediscover this... yes... love to get it on CD.
he grabbed her ".. by the CARDIGAN...." by the way!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by 'Jehosaphat and Jones' (Ronnies)
From: GUEST,Linda King
Date: 24 Jul 19 - 04:54 PM

Hi,

Up cat, polecat, juniper tree.. (not tea)

...ever since the time I grabbed you by the CURRANT BUSHES.

Regards,
Linda.


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Subject: Lyr Add: THE GAL WHO’S GONNA MARRY ME (2 Ronnies)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 05 Aug 19 - 11:24 AM

It appears the complete album has been uploaded to YouTube. Here’s my transcription of another song:


THE GAL WHO’S GONNA MARRY ME
Words by Ronnie Barker
As recorded by The Two Ronnies (Ronnie Barker and Ronnie Corbett) on “Jehosophat and Jones” (1973)

1. She can sew; she can hoe; she can read; she can write.
She can cook a man a breakfast in the middle of the night.
She can cut up a chicken; she can cut down a tree.
Whoo! That’s the girl who’s gonna marry me.

2. She can dig; she can jig; she can juggle; she can jump.
She can drive a fella crazy with a wiggle of her rump.
She can stand in the saddle; she can sit on your knee.
Whoo! That’s the girl who’s gonna marry me.

3. She can joke; she can smoke; she can drink a dozen beers.
She can move a grand pianna; she can move a man to tears.
She can pour out her heart; she can pour out your tea.
Yip! That’s the girl who’s gonna marry me.

4. She can bite; she can fight; she can flirt; she can fool.
She can shoot a mountain lion; she can shoot a little bull.
She’s dead as a parrot[1] and faithful as a flea.[2]
Whoo! That’s the girl who’s gonna marry me.

5. She can roast; she can toast; she can boil; she can bake.
She can cut a fella dead; she can cut a slice o’ cake.
She can cook a fella’s goose; she can fry a fricassee.
Yip! That’s the girl who’s gonna marry me.

6. She can sweep; she can weep; she can giggle; she can grin.
She can play a little poker; she can play a little gin.
She’s as spicy as a pickle and sweeter than a pea.
Yup! That’s the girl who’s gonna marry me.
Whoop! Whoop! That’s the girl who’s gonna marry me.

- - -
1. I can only assume this is a tribute to Monty Python’s “Dead Parrot” sketch.
2. I Googled and found an expression “faithful as a flea, jumping from dog to dog”--but that came from a 2015 novel.


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Subject: Lyr Add: THE DIMPLES IN HER CHEEKS (Two Ronnies)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 06 Aug 19 - 04:11 PM

Another song from the above-mentioned album, transcribed by me, with a few gaps or uncertainties. This one begins at 10:42 in the video.

DIMPLES a.k.a. THE DIMPLES IN HER CHEEKS
Words by Ronnie Barker
As recorded by The Two Ronnies (Ronnie Barker & Ronnie Corbett) on “Jehosphat and Jones” (1973)

Oh, the dimples in her cheeks (oh, the dimples in her cheeks)
And the ribbons in her hair (and the ribbons in her hair)
And the rosebuds on her lips (and the rosebuds on her lips)
And that lacy underwear
Oh, the dimples in her cheeks

There’s a gal who lives near me, pretty as a pin.
Whenever I go by her place, she always lets me in.
She’s a gal without no brains; she’s simple, so they say;
But when I take her in the woods, she always knows the way.

Oh, the dimples in her cheeks (oh, the dimples in her cheeks)
And the sunburn on her knees (and the sunburn on her knees)
And the music in her voice (and the music in her voice)
And she tries so hard to please
Oh, the sunburn on her knees

When first we met she was wearing pants pushing an old iron plough.
At first I thought she was a boy but I don’t think so now.
Sometimes we go for buggy rides and other times we walk.
I’d like to ask the gal her name but we don’t get time to talk.

Oh, the dimples in her cheeks (oh, the dimples in her cheeks)
And the way she looks at me (and the way she looks at me)
And her fingers and her feet[?] (and her fingers and her feet[?])
And her feminine ...[?]
Oh, her feminine ...[?]

Whenever she walks out with me, the townsfolk stop and stare
They never seen such pretty things she’s stolen round the square
She really has so many charms I’m always such a dunce[?]
Like trying hard to get my arm round ev’rything at once

Oh, the dimples in her cheeks (oh, the dimples in her cheeks)
And the freckles on her back (and the freckles on her back)
And the starlight in her eyes (and the starlight in her eyes)
And she loves my brother Jack
What a shame she married Jack

Oh, the dimples in her cheeks – and the ribbons in her hair
And the rosebuds on her lips – and the lacy underwear
Oh, the dimples in her cheeks – and the sunburn on her knees
And the music in her voice – and she tries so hard to please
Oh, the dimples in her cheeks – and the freckles on her back
And the starlight in her eyes
And she loves my brother Jack


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Songs by Jehosophat & Jones / 2 Ronnies
From: Snuffy
Date: 06 Aug 19 - 05:23 PM

in THE GAL WHO’S GONNA MARRY ME, "She can shoot a mountain lion; she can shoot a little bull" should probably be "shoot a little pool"


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Subject: Lyr Add: OUR MARY ANN IS WITH A HAIRY MAN (Ronnies
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 06 Aug 19 - 09:21 PM

Another song from the above-mentioned album, transcribed by me. Only the phrase “Fetch Pa quick” is uncertain. This one begins at 13:25 in the video.

OUR MARY ANN IS WITH A HAIRY MAN
Words by Ronnie Barker
As recorded by The Two Ronnies (Ronnie Barker and Ronnie Corbett) on “Jehosophat and Jones” (1973)

1: There's a girl down our street, pretty as can be.
Mary Ann's her name and she never smiles at me.
She likes men with whiskers, and when she's about
With her latest fella, why, the kids all shout—

CHORUS: Our Mary Ann is with a hairy man.
Our Mary Ann is with a hairy man.
Fetch Pa quick and stop it if you can,
'Cos a hairy man is dallyin’ with our Mary Ann.

2. Once she went a-gatherin’ watercress for tea.
Down by the creek she saw a man behind a tree.
She knew he was a Scotsman because his knees were bare,
But when she saw his sporran, why, she went quite spare.

3. One day her uncle took her to the zoo.
She saw the lions and tigers and the baby kangaroo;
But when a big gorilla snarled at her with rage.
She gave a little giggle and she jumped inside the cage.


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Subject: Lyr Add: WE KNEW WHAT SHE MEANT (Two Ronnies)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 07 Aug 19 - 02:51 PM

Another song from the above-mentioned album, transcribed by me. This one begins at 16:45 in the video.


WE KNEW WHAT SHE MEANT
Words by Ronnie Barker
As recorded by The Two Ronnies (Ronnie Barker and Ronnie Corbett) on “Jehosophat and Jones” (1973)

1. Our cousin Pauline was a Tennessee queen,
As purty a critter as you’ve ever seen,
But she was so dumb that no matter how she tried,
When she opened her mouth she put her foot right inside.

CHORUS: We knew what she meant; we knew what she meant.
We heard what she said but we knew what she meant.

2. She invited the preacher to her house, they say.
She said: “It’s a party; I’m nineteen today.
I bought me a dress and a bonnet so cute,
So come run and see me in my birthday suit.”

3. She went to a dance hall one night on her own,
And she smiled at a young man who stood all alone.
He remarked that he’d not had the pleasure before,
And she answered: “Come on then; let’s get on the floor.”

4. One day she went into a department store,
And she said to the guy who was stooped by the door:
“I need some material to make a new belt.
Perhaps you can tell me where I can get felt.”

5. A beautiful pear tree in her garden does grow.
She decided to enter the fruit in a show,
So she visited her rivals and she said in advance:
“When the judges see my pear you don’t stand a chance.”

6. She said: “I once met a fellow with dark wavy hair,
So we rushed off to Alaska for a quick love affair,
But I came back disappointed with a cold and a cough.
We were both frozen stiff and I just broke it off.”


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Mudcat time: 3 August 11:32 PM EDT

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