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BS: Never do X with Y
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Subject: Never do X with Y From: mousethief Date: 12 Sep 00 - 02:09 PM On the one Gordon Bok CD I have ("Return to the Land") he sings 3 songs about boats, and ALL OF THEM SINK. This led me to the following rule of thumb: Never get on a boat with Gordon Bok. I wonder if there are other people one should never do certain things with? I thought this might make an interesting thread. Hope I'm right.
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: Peter T. Date: 12 Sep 00 - 02:21 PM Never go anywhere near Bob Dylan on a personal level. Never go walking with anyone in a traditional folk song. Never be Helen Mirren's boss in Prime Suspect. Never play an instrumental solo on a Louis Armstrong song, unless you are Jack Teagarten. It is a mistake. Never sing a duet with a dead singer. yours, Peter T.
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: catspaw49 Date: 12 Sep 00 - 02:26 PM Personally, I wouldn't be flying anywhere in a small plane with anyone in the music business. Come to think of Stan Rogers, make that ANY plane. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: MMario Date: 12 Sep 00 - 02:35 PM never light a flame behind cletus |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: GUEST,Lyrical Lady Date: 12 Sep 00 - 02:48 PM ...You can pick your friends ...and you can pick your nose ...but you can never pick your friend's nose... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: Midchuck Date: 12 Sep 00 - 02:50 PM Never hit seventeen when you play against the dealer. P. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: sophocleese Date: 12 Sep 00 - 02:59 PM Never become friends with any private eye, security guard, or good-but-doesn't-play-by-the-rules cop on a TV show; you're sure to be robbed, attacked and possibly killed.
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: GUEST,Lyrical Lady Date: 12 Sep 00 - 03:01 PM You should never post a silly thread ....look ...I did ...and now I can only come back as "guest"! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: Peter T. Date: 12 Sep 00 - 03:02 PM Never leave Bill Monroe's band without his sayso. Stay off of any train carrying Vernon Dalhardt. Never be a junior officer on a Star Trek voyage. If you must be one, never, ever walk ahead or behind or anywhere near a senior star either going down a corridor or exploring a new planet. The best job on a Star Fleet cruiser is librarian. Virtually no one reads a book. No one ever goes to the library. yours, Peter T.
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: Jeri Date: 12 Sep 00 - 03:07 PM Never have an affair with a singer/songwriter, because you'll wind up as fodder for one of those... "He was a mystery I thought I knew Dependable and solid as an oak But it was just his head, the rest was easily led And now it's over and my heart is badly broke Oooooiiiieeee, this ain't no fun Oooooiiiieeee, my mascara's on the run and so is he And now I'm left without a rhyme except oooooiiiiieeee" ...songs. Sorry, got a bit carried away there. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: wysiwyg Date: 12 Sep 00 - 03:34 PM Never ignore anything blue, it may be a clicky. ~S~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: Midchuck Date: 12 Sep 00 - 03:37 PM Jeri, that would have been a perfect example of that type of song except that some of the lines rhyme...Good, though. Peter. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: Jeri Date: 12 Sep 00 - 03:57 PM Peter T, I beg to differ. The best job on Star Trek is as the voice of the computer. You get to be in every episode of every program or movie, and the worst thing that happens is you get a little silly once in a blue moon, when aliens take you over. If you're a blues musican, don't get up until the afternoon. Lots of bad things happen right after "I woke up one mornin'." Besides, no one's likely to believe you, anyway. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: Wesley S Date: 12 Sep 00 - 04:03 PM Don't get on your bended knee at the crossroads. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: Bert Date: 12 Sep 00 - 04:06 PM Never be a guest star on any TV series. It's certain death. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: Catrin Date: 12 Sep 00 - 04:16 PM Always respect the rule of the sod:- Never start walking after waiting for a bus for ages, it will surely shoot past you just while you're in between stops. Never say 'oh it'll only take a couple of minutes to install this, look it says so in the manual'... Never organise a surprise birthday party for someone on their return from work - especially if they're a binman.
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: MMario Date: 12 Sep 00 - 04:18 PM But bert, Wayne Newton, when he first started out did a guest star appearance on the Lucy show....oh....I see what you mean... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: Mbo Date: 12 Sep 00 - 04:39 PM Never put crab legs in a pencil sharpener |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: Morticia Date: 12 Sep 00 - 04:50 PM If you must go for world domination ( and let's face it, folks, who amongst us hasn't given it a whirl?) always shoot the hero straight off.......pausing to gloat,answer questions and/or manaical laughter will almost always ensure you wind up in the crocodile pit while the steely eyed, flat- bellied and square jawed creep gets the girl, the spoils and the dewy admiration of the whole world.....don't you just hate it when that happens?? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: Jeri Date: 12 Sep 00 - 04:50 PM Bad Mbo!!! I can just imagine the poor little thing hobbling around on the 7 remaining legs... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: kendall Date: 12 Sep 00 - 05:01 PM never hold a cat and turn on a hair dryer. By the way, I've sailed with Gordon many times and none of the boats sank. Come to think of it, one did sink but he wasnt aboard at the time. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: bflat Date: 12 Sep 00 - 05:07 PM Never take your eye off the ball. Never get on a train that has no destination. Never give up on yourself! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: catspaw49 Date: 12 Sep 00 - 05:12 PM Don't say, "Hey...Bite me bitch!" to Loreena Bobbitt. If you have a Ford Bronco, don't buy Firestone tires. Don't let Pete Townsend play your Gretsch "White Falcon." If you're bothered by any type of music or any performer, don't talk to Meebo. If you're having computer problems, don't ask Rick Fielding. If you have a new thesaurus and are wanting to try it out, run a forum search on Peter T. If you have a vehicle with a big engine, twin tanks, and they're both full with 56 gallons of premium, don't mention it to anyone in England. If you are absolutely positive you know the EXACT meaning of "FOLK," keep it to yourself. Don't suggest that Bob Dylan might not actually walk on water to Little Hawk. Remember it isn't nice to insult a pissant so don't mention that they are related to Conrad. Never suggest to a southerner that iced tea doesn't need sugar or that the beans have cooked long enough. If you have a problem you want someone to listen to and yet want them to stay quiet about it, tell Bert. Its not that he's so honorable, he just can't remember what you told him. Never attend a function with JenEllen that includes a barbecue, gas grill, or a kestrel, unless you are attired in Nomex. If you open a Radio Shack store 425 miles from your nearest customer, you'll have time for Mudcat. Never give Big Mick a potato if you want to eat it later. Never try to explain the Edsel or Corvair to a German. If you see any hard drives for sale at e-bay with a New Mexico seller's address, don't buy one. Spaw
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: MMario Date: 12 Sep 00 - 05:14 PM Never fire until you see the whites of their eyes. Never give up your reservation at the NYCFTTS. Never post lyrics without checking the DT first. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: Liz the Squeak Date: 12 Sep 00 - 05:15 PM Never go to work with a picture of your retirement present to you and utter the words 'only a few more hours and this baby's mine.....' Never utter the words 'remember that little girl, the one I used to put frogs down her dress? Well she's gonna be my wife in just a few hours.....' if you are a cop, a fireman, a detective, a doctor or anything other than a librarian or a computer voice..... And NEVER say 'in just a few hours, I'll be on that plane to *insert favourite holiday destination most likely to suffer a military coup/natural disaster/metal fatigue* .....' LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: Liz the Squeak Date: 12 Sep 00 - 05:16 PM Never go to work with a picture of your retirement present to you and utter the words 'only a few more hours and this baby's mine.....' Never utter the words 'remember that little girl, the one I used to put frogs down her dress? Well she's gonna be my wife in just a few hours.....' if you are a cop, a fireman, a detective, a doctor or anything other than a librarian or a computer voice..... And NEVER say 'in just a few hours, I'll be on that plane to *insert favourite holiday destination most likely to suffer a military coup/natural disaster/metal fatigue* .....' LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: Lyrical Lady Date: 12 Sep 00 - 05:17 PM While performing on stage, please beware ... Never sit on a chair, that isn't there !!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: Noreen Date: 12 Sep 00 - 05:43 PM Never press the Submit Message button twice...... Noreen |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: Micca Date: 12 Sep 00 - 06:16 PM Never pass the port TOWARDS Morticia, ( or Liz) and check carefully that they havent left discarded offspring in your living room when they went home. It isnt a joke that "Bright Phoebe arises so early and so bright" she DOES!!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: Airto Date: 13 Sep 00 - 06:57 AM To turn the theme of the thread on its head for a second, singing songs about failing to make it in Nashville seems a guaranteed way to succeed as a country star. Jeri, you're advice to blues singers is spot on. Great stuff. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: Cavia_P Date: 13 Sep 00 - 07:47 AM Never underestimate a guinea pig. I still don't know where the little b*ggers hid the nail clippers! Cavia_P |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: Gervase Date: 13 Sep 00 - 08:13 AM Never play poker with a man called Doc. Never rub botoms with a porcupine. Never drink rum on an empty stomach. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: GUEST,Michael in Swansea Date: 13 Sep 00 - 08:27 AM Never drink when you're unconcious. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: Patrish(inactive) Date: 13 Sep 00 - 08:42 AM Never shave your legs the morning after the night before Never leave hairdye on twice as long as the recommended time just to get a better effect Never attempt to teach me right from left Patrish |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: hesperis Date: 13 Sep 00 - 09:09 AM Good one, Spaw! Although Little Hawk doesn't just think that Dylan walks on water: He thinks that Dylan walks on water and plays something defined as "music" all at the very same time! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: Hollowfox Date: 13 Sep 00 - 09:21 AM (Back to Point of Origin) The songs are about boats that sink because, if the boat(s) didn't sink, nothing worth mentioning happened on that voyage. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: Midchuck Date: 13 Sep 00 - 09:59 AM Hollowfox: We (Woodchucks' Revenge) often do The Mary Ellen Carter in our sets. In introducing it, we frequently explain that this is about the only happy, upbeat, inspirational-type nautical ballad we know of, for just the reason you state. If anything goes seriously wrong, the ship is likely to sink, which is a tragedy. If nothing goes seriously wrong, there's nothing to write a song about. We go on to explain that Stan got around this problem by sinking the ship in the very first line. After that, it had nowhere to go but up! Peter. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: Linda Kelly Date: 13 Sep 00 - 12:24 PM Never stay anywhere when you know that either Jessica Fletcher or Jane Marple are in the vicinity -you'll end up dead in a cupboard.
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: Mbo Date: 13 Sep 00 - 12:39 PM Never use a cold sponge. (my sister Cbo's RULE FOR LIFE #2) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: catspaw49 Date: 13 Sep 00 - 12:59 PM For WHAT? What the hell is she doing with the songe anyway Meebo? Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: Skivee Date: 13 Sep 00 - 01:01 PM Never comb your hair with a blowtorch. Never run through the house with scissors in your head. Never drop ice cubes into boiling oil with a shovel. Never say,"Hey, everybody... watch this!", with a firecraker in your mouth. Never take out you contacts with a razorblade. Never open for Limp Bizkit with "Michael, row the boat ashore". Never answer the question" Does this dress make me look fat" with less than great care. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: Grab Date: 13 Sep 00 - 01:03 PM If the man next door to you is a quiet type, keeps himself to himself - he's probably a serial killer. Never try and put a cat through a small window it doesn't want to go through. I swear, it would have gone through if it hadn't star-fished itself over the gap, then wriggled and tried to bite me. And trying to bite the person holding you 6 feet off the ground, so that they drop you, is something the cat population should learn. Come to that, the cat population should try not to sneak up the slate roof of our outhouse and in through the bedroom window. I tended just to catch them and chuck them out onto the roof. Fine, until the one night it had rained, the roof was a little damp, the cat couldn't get a grip, and I shoved it out a little harder than usual. A wondrous fingernails-on-blackboard sound as its claws scratched its way down the slates, followed by a "MRAOW" as it slid off the edge of the roof. (I was a bit worried about that, it being a neighbour's cat, but it was fine - it was a well-padded cat, so it must have made a pretty good airbag) Oh, one last piece of advice - don't ever ask me to cat-sit. :-) Grab.
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: MMario Date: 13 Sep 00 - 01:04 PM Never pull Skivee's finger |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: Jim Dixon Date: 13 Sep 00 - 01:07 PM Never date Carly Simon. You'll probably think her songs are about you, even if they aren't. Don't get a job as a White House intern. People will think you're a c***s****r even if you're not. Don't try running your spell-checker on anything you've downloaded from Mudcat. Don't bother reading any Mudcat thread that isn't about music. Uh, wait a minute . . . |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: guinnesschik Date: 13 Sep 00 - 01:12 PM Never microwave your pop tarts if they're still in the package. Never follow the directions on a tin of coffee. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: mousethief Date: 13 Sep 00 - 01:24 PM Never answer the question "Does this make me look fat?" at all. This isn't exactly the direction I had in mind for this thread, but it's not a bad direction when it comes right down to it. Hollowfox: You mean the only interesting thing that can happen to or on a boat is to have it sink? You need to get out on the water more often! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: GUEST,Les B Date: 13 Sep 00 - 01:26 PM Never sit on the outside if there's gates to open. Never visit a dark privy without a lamp. Never swing your leg over the saddle if you don't know where the stirrups are. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: Bill D Date: 13 Sep 00 - 01:40 PM never try to post a really clever answer to a thread that is already overflowing with 'em... however..*grin*...I wonder if we could get Gordon Bok to write a song about Bob Dylan going sailing. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: catspaw49 Date: 13 Sep 00 - 01:45 PM Ya' done good Bill. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y From: GUEST,emily b Date: 13 Sep 00 - 05:16 PM Never leave the cake out in the rain... |