Help: What do you do?

Subject: What do you do?
From: BigDaddy
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 05:13 PM

One of the first questions one usually gets upon meeting someone is, "What do you do?" I've always found it to be an annoying question. At this point in time I don't work a "day job," so the question has become even more annoying. I am a full-time parent, play a variety of instruments, sing, write songs, poetry, articles, etc. In the past, even when I was working full-time at a chosen profession, I disliked the question because it seemed to be a way of ranking people hierarchically, of pigeonholing them. For some, what they do (day job) does define them. For the rest of us it doesn't. So, how do some of you answer? "bard, minstrel, performer," etc. sound rather pretentious. "None of your business" seems prematurely hostile. Any ideas?

Jay

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: Kim C
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 05:18 PM

It depends on who's asking. I have so many things besides my full-time job as a paper-pusher: I sell cosmetics, I play music, I make stuff. If I don't want to get into a conversation about some of those things, I don't divulge them. :)

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 05:54 PM

As little as possible, in the shortest space of time, for the most ammount of money. Thats my reply. Yours, Aye. Dave

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: Naemanson
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 06:11 PM

Faceless Bureacrat and single father.

It's a dirty job (Faceless Bureacrat) but someone has to do it and it supports my music habit which is getting rather heavy. I'm up to several songs a day and have to spend at least a few minutes with the guitar a day.

And taking care of my kids seems to be a job that gets easier but more expensive every year.

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: Mbo
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 06:15 PM

An art student who spends most of his sawing wood and developing photographs. SWEAT!

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 06:22 PM

Once I answer, since what I do is interesting, they usually want LOTS of details and sometimes I just don't feel like trotting out the whole thing one more time, being interviewed, degoofing the same points over and over... so I answer, on those days, with stuff about being a parent and other stuff. Then at the end I mention the work stuff but I minimize it with a shrug and flip into questioner mode. Or I say I have done lots of different things, name a few of the things they have had in common, and then ask them for their side. (*G* ...I listen well, so their side can take a long time... *G*)

I'm just not sure they really want to know, either.... often it's just the only starting point people can think of.

I don't mean to sound cynical. I just get tired sometimes of being the better communicator in a situation, which I usually am because I have worked at being able to do that, and thus it's often me carrying the load. To tell you the truth, sometimes I am so talked out or listened out that I would rather just sit in the corner glaring. Hasn't come to screaming yet. (Except occasionally here!) *G* (You know who you are, and I am sorry!!!)

~S~

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 06:24 PM

Tell them you work for the IRS (Inland Revenue) and they usually offer words of sympathy or run screaming in the other direction!!

LTS

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 07:06 PM

Well Jay, when someone asks me 'What do I do?', I like to think of it as that person is making an effort to strike up a conversation. Sometimes when people don't know you very well, they are not sure what questions to ask so besides talking about the weather, sometimes 'What do you do?' seems to be a safe thing to ask.
When I look at it that way, it doesn't really bother me and I try to answer it as best I can with an appreciation for them taking an interest in me.

Bonnie

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: kendall
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 07:15 PM

I usually say "Nothing. Tried work once and it just didnt set good." Now they know I'm kidding, but, they also know they are getting personal and they dont press it further.

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: Thomas the Rhymer
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 07:20 PM

It seems that "what don't you do?" would be faster, more direct and right to the point...my answer if pressed is usually "I starve, mostly, and you?". However, conversation is a chance to share, grow, and learn. The posturers are easy to sluff if you ask them about themselves...

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: Mbo
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 07:24 PM

Do the Hustle! Unh!

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: Áine
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 07:45 PM

This is a very interesting social situation you've brought up here, BigDaddy. I've been mulling over in my mind the different answers that I've given in the past to this 'Nosey Parker' kind of question. Of course, the response should always be appropos to the situation, as in, does the questioner really care what you 'do', or are they just trying to fit you into a socio/economic slot in their minds so as to pass judgment on your worth as a human being? So, for those of you who don't care to answer in the latter case, here are some of my favourite answers:

"As much as I can get away with."

"Not much, how 'bout you?"

"As little as I can get away with."

"I work for the IRS, in the Audit Department" (which was true at one point in my life, and always made the Nosey Parkers run for the hills. That's the U.S. Internal Revenue Service, not Liz's IRS across the pond)

"None of your business" (if they're smarmy)

"None of your damn business" (if they're really smarmy)

And the last one, which I always saved for the worst of them. You know, the folks that when you shake their hands, you want to go wash your own right away -- the real Uriah Heep types - Ugh!). I'd widen my eyes and get a really strange leer on my face, and then get right up in their face and say, "The Lord's work. Are you saved?" That's a guaranteed room-clearer! (And my sincere apologies to Praise and her dear hubby here).

It has always seemed to me that this particular question, especially posed when meeting someone for the first time, is a particularly American one. Is this just my imagination, or do other societies use this as some kind of social barometer? Talk amongst yourselves...

-- Aine

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: jets
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 08:16 PM

I recall when people would ask what I did ,now they ask what I am still capable of doing. I simply give them a short ansuer.

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: Banjer
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 09:09 PM

'I work for a living' usually is a good answer, insinuating that they who are asking don't. Usually I have no problem with answering that question, I'm proud of what I do. But like many of you the situation, the person asking and my own personal mood at the time dictate how such questions get answered.

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: Jim the Bart
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 09:24 PM

I usually say "Oh, stuff". It's short, accurate, non-comittal and leaves lots of room for follow-up. Usually it's the follow-up that let's you know what direction they're coming from. If they're sincere, they get sincere in return

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: Callie
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 09:42 PM

I am always careful to ask such questions. Sometimes when I am interested to know what people do during the day - besides music - I ask "what do you do when you're not playing music?" I am genuinely interested to know and expect a range of answers which have included "nothing", "I run a soup kitchen", "I have a family".

However, the people that usually ask "what do you do" are the kinds of people that have a 9-5 job and go home to the tv. So I'm always at a loss what to answer because I do about 5 different things. Even thought they're not big things, if you start desribing them all people think you're big noting.

I guess if someone is on the same wavelength you can describe a recent musical (or non) obsession, and that can often lead to interesting discussion.

yes, it's complex, isn't it!

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: Mudjack
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 09:56 PM

I usually like to tell them I'm an ELVIS impersonator and then I have to fess up after their jaw comes back to the normal position.
Mudjack

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: Mbo
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 10:02 PM

We have a running joke in Communication Arts class about being Graphic Design SPIES! And we sing Secret Graphic Design Agent Man!!

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: GUEST,Gizz
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 10:08 PM

When asked "what do you do" I answer gently, "I mind my own business"

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: Morticia
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 02:59 PM

I usually say " I polish porcupines" or " I'm a rat-renovator" or somesuch nonsense....occasionally I'll say, "well I'm so fabulously wealthy I don't need to work"....because people can see it's patently untrue.Usually people will take the hint and not ask again....if they do, I use Praises technique and ask about them.....people love to talk about themselves. And I don't think it's a US preoccupation......happens here all the time too......except amongst folkies at clubs or festivals who never ask......isn't that interesting?

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: Ely
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 03:13 PM

Oh, I'm dreading that question. "I . . . do lots of housework so my parents will forgive me for living at home and not having any idea what I REALLY want to do."

[Graduates in December with a degree in history but no teaching certificate]

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: mousethief
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 03:23 PM

Just say, "when?"

Alex
O..O
=o=

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: Micca
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 03:47 PM

apropos Morticias last line "except amongst folkies at clubs or festivals who never ask......isn't that interesting?" I have had some really scary moments when I did find out what people do, sometimes after several years of drinking and singing with them at festivals,( and some times only learning their last names too, after years) I mean Liz tS a tax inspector!!!!!, and more social Workers than you could shake a stick at, a number of Scientists, at least one Journalist, ... maybe its better not to know..
I usually qualify my reply with the circumstances, but I have a personal card that shuts the more intrusive up ,pronto, it says "Giant designer and Builder" and I am about 5'4"

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: Catrin
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 03:57 PM

I have found myself on occasion in those situations where you're in a room (or whatever) with a stranger and the conversation just flags. I can't be the only one who has resorted to this question in an (albeit unimaginative) attempt just to keep the conversation going. It doesn't mean that I think that only those in full time employment do 'something', or that I think that people should be labeled according to their occupation. It just means I'm stuck for words (probably), and a bit nervous. Most people will see it as an attempt to communicate and often it serves this purpose.

It's not that I ask everyody on first meeting, if ever. It's just that, for me, asking this can be the result of feeling a bit nervous rather than rudely inquisitive or out to judge or anything.

My tuppenceworth.

Catrin

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: Sean Belt
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 04:01 PM

I generally answer, "I work as a Business Analyst for may money. But I'm a musician and actor for my soul." The usual response is either , "Oh." and the questioner leaves me alone, or they ask if I've ever been on television or in the movies. Almost no one ever wants to know about business analysis. And I don't blame them. The puzzling thing is that unless they're another musician, they don't generally ask about the music either.

Parenthetical comment:
(And before any of you ask; Yes, I've been on TV (in commercials). It's not all it's cracked up to be and I'd prefer to never do it again. No, I've never been in a big screen movie. No desire to pursue it, either.)
- Sean

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: wildlone
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 05:24 PM

I work in an ice cream factory
When asked how many work there the usual reply is
about 50%

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 06:09 PM

Then there's the question, to which every working musician bristles:

"So, what is your day job."

I once had an acquaintance, who was a very large woman, who had a very large friend. When they were out "dancing" and someone asked "What do you do?," they replied "We're stewardesses on a jumbo jet." Some got it and some didn't.

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: mousethief
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 06:15 PM

I saw a bumper sticker that said, "Real Musicians Have Day Jobs." On the bumper of a friend who is a real musician (a violinist) with a day job (he makes violins). His wife plays violin, guitar, and banjo, and sings like a lost Carter sister (she does technical editing for Boeing 2 days a week). They have one cassette recorded and are about to cut a CD. They are real musicians and are not ashamed of their day jobs. So it doesn't seem that insulting to me. Guess I'm just weird.

Alex
O..O
=o=

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: Morticia
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 07:01 PM

I didn't mean to imply I thought it was a rude question in every circumstance Catrin, and in the scenario you've described I think it's fine......if I got the sense of the opening post right, it's those people who waltz up to you at parties or whatever and ask right off as though what you do is a summary of who you are.Particularly when their attitude to you changes on hearing what you do....whether that change is positive or negative....that's offensive.

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: rabbitrunning
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 07:08 PM

I used to have a professor who had a smart alecky answer, but unfortunately I have forgotten the correct numbers.

It was something like "Thirty out of thirty-nine", I think, and referred to the supposed number of possible positions for sex.

It did get some raised eyebrows!

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: DougR
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 07:11 PM

Always felt it was a disservice to musicians when somebody coined the phrase, "play music." That may be one reason people who do not perform music think musicians dont' work; they play.

And by the way, what do you do Kendall?

:>) DougR

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: Dizzie
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 07:14 PM

Easiest answer in the world. I just say "Shug and I are retired". They usually are struck dumb and wander away.
Dizzie.

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: Mbo
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 07:15 PM

You guys are some mean people! Imagine if you all welcomed a new Mudcatter with "None of your business" or some other equally smart-aleck remark. How are new Mudcatters different than any other stranger? If this is the way human interaction is going, I'm ashamed to be one.

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: CamiSu
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 12:49 AM

Since I cannot usually remember everything I do, I usually just list a few, like farmer, carpenter, jeweller, set designer and builder....usually we find something we have in common. But then I have so much fun at what I do most of the time. Now if I could only make money commensurate(sp?) to the fun...Guess you can't have everything.

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: Peter Kasin
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 01:01 AM

I've always taken it as a conversation starter by people who are interested in knowing something about me. I ask it myself sometimes, phrasing it "what do you do in your other life?" Or "in your nonmusic life" if talking to a musician. Fortunately, I haven't experienced the social strata types when I've been asked that. At least I don't think that's what they were after!

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 01:08 AM

Aine,

LOL!!! Apology declined as unnecessary!

There's one that works even better.... You hiss, "Are you a SINNER???"

~S~

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: Uncle Jaque
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 01:28 AM

...Weeeelll.. spent most o' me life in the "people" business (Law enforcement, Mental Health, Social services, Education etc.)...we do THINGS now! (work part-time in a lantern shop and "househusband"). They usually look at me like: "Oh $#!+! This guy is REALLY WEIRD!! and slither away. The ones who dare to stick around and talk about it sometimes end up being pretty good freinds. Then there's the anguish of a full-time professional Wife admonishing a part-time menial Husband of "tootling around with that damn music" while she's hard at work to support us. Yeah, it gets a little sticky there sometimes, don't it?

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: SDShad
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 02:07 AM

**thread drift warning*

Given Aine and Praise's "proselytizing" responses (good ones, ladies!), I'm reminded of a story whose origin I've long since forgotten, but it was in some or other newsgroup since...well, after the Great Renaming, at least. The woman who made the post made a point of mentioning first that she was not particularly New Agey, or a Wiccan or Pagan or anything, she just happened to like music of the "Celtic" New Agey sort. And just happened to be wearing a simple, floor-length black dress one day, listening to just such an album at home alone, with the lights turned down and scented candles burning. The doorbell rang, and she answered it carrying one of the candles, and opened it to a straight-tie-wearing missionary of some door-to-door sect or another.

The young man's eyes went kind of wide when she opened the door, taking in the whole tableau. Seized by a sudden inspiration, she looked at him with exagerrated interest, and conspiratorily asked, "Are you a virgin? Because," she asked, gesturing into her house with a wave of her candle, "right now I really need a virgin.

Poor kid scooted out of there fast. Lord knows what sort of ritual he thought he was being invited to.

I'm sure I'm butchering the original story, but you get the idea. Mind you, I'm not in any way advocating mistreatment or frightening of door-to-door missionaries. I decline to entertain dialogue, usually, but I decline respectfully.

I was just amused by the story.

ObThreadRelatedMaterial: so whaddaya reply when people ask what your religion is? Or (and this one is for my fellow Christians especially), the ones who, if you answer the first question or otherwise end up sharing that information, make other assumptions about what you believe based on that? My particular example would be ones who (either from a positive or a negative reaction to Christianity) assume that being a Christian means I'm a Biblical literalist and a creationist. I generally don't mind giving a straight answer to the first, even though it can sometimes inspire hostile reactions, but I tend to want to avoid the second--not that I always have. Kind of hard to find points of unity with someone who suddenly decides you're a heretic.

Shad

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: The Beanster
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 02:27 AM

I'm clearly in the minority here, but I like to ask the question and I like answering it. I have no hidden agenda when I ask it and people can feel free not to answer if they're uneasy with it for some reason. As I said, I'm happy to answer the question, as well, and there have been many times in my life when I've been unemployed and will gladly state that, also. If they're a judgmental type, they'll judge, if not, they won't. So what?

I think it's a friendly, useful way to exchange information and to see what you may have in common with the other person.

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: DougR
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 03:11 AM

Actually, MBO, most of us have responded as though we are fugitives. You have a good point I believe.

I am mostly retired, but I still do fundraising consulting for nonprofit groups. When not doing that, I write screenplays and chase women. I have not been spectacularly successful at either of the latter.

DougR

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: GUEST,Michael in Swansea
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 06:19 AM

Depends who's doing the asking, my usual reply is "Hired gun, business is slack but it pays well"
For those that really want to know, British Telecom for the past 27 1/2 years.
Anything else? What the 'ell, I'm a Welsh Catholic Royalist shanty singer but likeable.
M

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: Roger in Sheffield
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 07:33 AM

Praise you are so full of selfpraise that I just gotta ask what do you do darling?????


Roger

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: Pixie
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 07:49 AM

I often ask where people work or what their "vocation" is because I'm interested. Sorry if people have a problem with being asked the question, but I don't ask it to be judgemental, or to figure out how much money they make ( I work in the Child Care field in Canada, so money obviously isn't that important to me), but it is a way of knowing more about the person and what their interests are, and a way to get to know them apart from the music....

Pixie

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: kendall
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 07:50 AM

Doug, are you baiting me? Seriously, I didnt realize anyone wanted the truth here, and the truth is, I dont mind telling someone what I do. I'm a retired federal law enforcement agent. U.S.Fish&Wildlife Service. It does get a bit tiresome when they say "Oh, you dont look old enough to retire!"

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: DougR
Date: 17 Sep 00 - 12:55 AM

Yeah, Kendall, I was just kiddin' you.

DougR

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: RichM
Date: 17 Sep 00 - 08:26 AM

Apologies for the lengthy quote, but I think Banjo Bonnie had the most graceful response:

Quote: "Well Jay, when someone asks me 'What do I do?', I like to think of it as that person is making an effort to strike up a conversation. Sometimes when people don't know you very well, they are not sure what questions to ask so besides talking about the weather, sometimes 'What do you do?' seems to be a safe thing to ask. When I look at it that way, it doesn't really bother me and I try to answer it as best I can with an appreciation for them taking an interest in me."

And my follow up question is: If this is a conversation opener, why be flippant, hostile or rude in response?

And, really, if you aren't in the mood to be friendly, why on earth are you at that gathering?

Rich

Subject: RE: Help: What do you do?
From: CamiSu
Date: 17 Sep 00 - 09:28 AM

On the question of 'what religion?' I usually get the feeling of genuine interest based of what people have seen of how I live, and am happy to answer. People are usually even more curious then, and if I can clear up misconceptions I am happy to do so. If they ask from the motive of changing my religion, I just politely tell them that it works for me and my family, and i'm very happy with what I am. I've been known to trade literature with the Jehovah's Witnesses that come to my door, and they seem glad to check it out.

Cami Su