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More Personal Questions

Jed at Work 19 Sep 00 - 03:30 PM
annamill 19 Sep 00 - 01:41 PM
Bill D 18 Sep 00 - 10:31 PM
The Beanster 18 Sep 00 - 08:08 PM
catspaw49 18 Sep 00 - 07:16 PM
The Beanster 18 Sep 00 - 06:43 PM
Jed at Work 18 Sep 00 - 06:29 PM
guinnesschik 18 Sep 00 - 06:25 PM
Mbo 18 Sep 00 - 06:17 PM
Jed at Work 18 Sep 00 - 06:13 PM
Jed at Work 18 Sep 00 - 05:58 PM
Seamus Kennedy 18 Sep 00 - 02:47 AM
Susanne (skw) 17 Sep 00 - 09:41 PM
DougR 17 Sep 00 - 09:07 PM
catspaw49 17 Sep 00 - 11:30 AM
guinnesschik 17 Sep 00 - 10:50 AM
Willie-O 17 Sep 00 - 09:29 AM
CamiSu 17 Sep 00 - 09:17 AM
Lena 17 Sep 00 - 08:30 AM
Naemanson 16 Sep 00 - 10:15 PM
GUEST,Wavestar 16 Sep 00 - 09:22 PM
The Beanster 16 Sep 00 - 06:18 PM
SINSULL 16 Sep 00 - 04:28 PM
Thomas the Rhymer 16 Sep 00 - 04:09 PM
SDShad 16 Sep 00 - 03:08 PM
Ely 16 Sep 00 - 02:53 PM
Ely 16 Sep 00 - 02:22 PM
SINSULL 16 Sep 00 - 02:06 PM
Thomas the Rhymer 16 Sep 00 - 01:54 PM
catspaw49 16 Sep 00 - 09:29 AM
harpgirl 16 Sep 00 - 08:13 AM
Midchuck 16 Sep 00 - 08:11 AM
kendall 16 Sep 00 - 07:59 AM
Catrin 16 Sep 00 - 07:43 AM
The Beanster 16 Sep 00 - 04:02 AM
CamiSu 16 Sep 00 - 12:38 AM
Parson 16 Sep 00 - 12:03 AM
GUEST 15 Sep 00 - 11:34 PM
catspaw49 15 Sep 00 - 10:53 PM
Margaret V 15 Sep 00 - 10:26 PM
Rosebrook 15 Sep 00 - 10:19 PM
catspaw49 15 Sep 00 - 10:09 PM
GUEST,Jeffrey Emmett 15 Sep 00 - 10:07 PM
Bill D 15 Sep 00 - 09:56 PM
catspaw49 15 Sep 00 - 09:13 PM
SINSULL 15 Sep 00 - 09:07 PM
catspaw49 15 Sep 00 - 08:50 PM
SINSULL 15 Sep 00 - 08:47 PM
MarkS 15 Sep 00 - 08:36 PM
MarkS 15 Sep 00 - 08:35 PM
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Jed at Work
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 03:30 PM

Sounds like he was being rude, annamill!


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: annamill
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 01:41 PM

You all bring to mind an incident that happened to me when I was pregnant with my daughter. I was sitting in a local restaurant in Woodstock called Deanie's. Now Deanie's was a formal restaurant and had a very formal atmosphere. One day my first husband and I went there for lunch and I was showing pretty good. A man came in whom my husband and I knew but didn't like very much. He came over, leaned over the table, put his hand on my belly and asked me how was the baby!! The following took place in about a five second time frame.

I looked at my husband with a shocked look, hit his hand off my belly, and very loudly told him to keep his f**king hand off my stomach!! His retort was, after a second of shocked silence, 'nice mouth on your wife Ally'.

Now, do YOU think I was being rude??

Love, annamill (Tee Hee)


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Bill D
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 10:31 PM

"Why, oh why, oh why, oh why, oh why?
Why, oh why, oh why?
"Because, because, because, because
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye"

....Woody Guthrie


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: The Beanster
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 08:08 PM

Hahahaa spaw! Oh, the mind reels at the possibilities...

When someone touches the tummy:

The muffled sound of a baby crying accompanied by mother's disapproving glare at the stranger and, "Tsk! You made my baby cry!"

Very deep baby voice saying, "Get your hands off me!"

Angelic voices singing in a heavenly chorus, "Aaaaaah aahhhhh!"

Eric Burdon singing "We Gotta Get Out of This Place"


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: catspaw49
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 07:16 PM

Hmmmm..........I LIKE that Beanster! Maybe you ought to try to rig up one of the talking car alarms instead. Just a little voice reprogramming and when someone gets too close..........

PLEASE MOVE AWAY....YOU ARE STANDING TOO CLOSE TO THE FETUS

I liked the collision sensor that Nissan used on the ZX for awhile. At 85 mph, when you were within 25 feet of a bridge abuttment, it screamed, "BONZAI."

Spaw


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: The Beanster
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 06:43 PM

Again, a minority voice here but I absolutely never have had the desire to touch someone's pregnant belly! But if I ever were pregnant (no desire for that either) I do think it would be very funny to wear a small tape recorder on my person somewhere and if anyone were to touch me, uninvited, they would here an ominous growl...


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Jed at Work
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 06:29 PM

LOL g'chik! By the way, when I showed the website pic above to my sons they asked me, "is that really the color of her hair?" chuckle ... but of course, they wondered if I'd changed it with PhotoShop when I played with the image a bit ...


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: guinnesschik
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 06:25 PM

Aw, Jed....now my face is cherry red, too.

Your "no longer purple haired wonder what color it's gonna be next," g'chik


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Mbo
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 06:17 PM

My sister & I are often asked if we are a married couple (because of the same last name)! Or if we are twins. We aren't either of those two!


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Jed at Work
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 06:13 PM

Oh, and I forgot to tell the reason why I wanted to post to this thread in the first place. People wanting to touch pregnant bellies sure seems to be a universal thing ... i've never done it, uninvited, but always have the desire to! I have to say that my wife surprised me, when pregnant with our first, by offering her belly to friends and occasional strangers for a feel ... lol ... she is a fairly reserved, maybe even shy sort of person, so this behavior was not what you'd expect of her ... but it just seemed to be a natural thing!

And as for 'are those real?' sorta questions ... for years I am facing people's disbelief at the age of my kids. "are they yours?" I am commonly asked, implying perhaps step children from marriage to an older woman ... I simply answer truthfully; "We started young!"


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Jed at Work
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 05:58 PM

Well, I really need to stop reading this stuff at work. I am sitting here laughing my as* off at BillD (great story,, Bill) Spaw, Seamus et al.

And Karen you're purple hair is awesome!! You gotta tell himself that the rest of the world loves it!! In fact; here's a link to guiness chick's purple hair as seen at last year's North Texas Irish Festival. We need a Mudcat vote! Does guinesschic's hair look cool, or what??


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 02:47 AM

I hate going to my doctor's office and having the receptionist/nurse ask me why I'm there/what's wrong in front of other patients. When I respond quietly, "It's of a personal nature," she replies, "Well, I really need to know, so that the doctor has an idea of what to expect." I can feel the eyes of the other patients burning into me, when I say, "I'd prefer to discusss my medical condition privately." But she insists, "I must tell the doctor what kind of case this is." That's when I say at the top of my voice, "My penis has turned black, and there are large runny green pustules all over it!!" Gasps all around. Of I see the doctor, I ask him to treat my painful ingrown toenail. All the best
Seamus


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Susanne (skw)
Date: 17 Sep 00 - 09:41 PM

I was rather taken aback a few years back when I went to the Mitchell Library in Glasgow during very hot weather, wearing shorts and a suntop. When I collected my things to leave, the guard looked at me and asked: "You no British, are you?" I said, "No", looking a bit puzzled, I suppose. Then he explained, not unkindly: "A British woman would have shaved armpits!" In fact, it took me several hours to start thinking straight again: "And just whose business is this???"


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: DougR
Date: 17 Sep 00 - 09:07 PM

Shucks Shoot, Ely, you completely destroyed my fantasy! I was just certain the next time I walked down the pickle aisle at my local grocery store I would see a raving beauty with shiny pink hair, and I was going to walk right up to her and say, "I'll bet you're Ely!" Now I wouldn't dare do that. Sob!

DougR


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: catspaw49
Date: 17 Sep 00 - 11:30 AM

At times, its not so much that a question is personal, sometimes its just stupid. I used to enjoy the Mad Magazine "Snappy Comebacks" section. But really now, don't people ask some stupid shit sometimes? For instance, I'm on the phone and someone asks, "Are you on the phone?"........No, I'm cleaning out my ear with this plastic scoop.

Sometimes they ask the wrong thing......what instead of how. A customer's Vette had a stuck float and gas was pouring out of the carb and it ignited. After putting the fire out, I'm assessing the damage and some guy asks, "What happened?".....Well, I damn near burnt this fucker to the ground, what's it look like? "Was it an accident?".....No, I wanted to roast a few dogs and I was out of charcoal. Hell, I set fire to a lot of customer's cars...Where's yours?

If you want really personal questions, go to the hospital. Have you had a bowel movement? I always like that one from the folks who insist on using the plural pronoun, as in, "Have WE had a bowel movement today?".....Yeah, I did, but I didn't see you nowhere. And for stupidity, at times there is no one who can hold a candle to the stuff you get there! The day after a py-pass the nurse asks, "Are you in much pain?"....Oh I dunno. Let me split your chest open with a broad ax and tell me what you think.

Yeah, I know....I ask the same stupid personal stuff myself. Its a kind of conditioned reflex. You really DO care, but you don't think how it comes out.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: guinnesschik
Date: 17 Sep 00 - 10:50 AM

I finally got asked yesterday "So, what's your day job?" at a paid gig. It was rather strange and awkward. I very politely told the lady who asked. "This is it. I'm a musician. My other two jobs are part time." She seemed rather perplexed that anyone would want to do this.

I've only been indignant to strangers who've been rude about my hair color. We live in the year 2000. The punk movement is old. Tatts and piercings no longer get stared at or much commented upon. Why should strange hair color? It's temporary.

Himself, however, has asked me not to go purple again, as it really seems to be a jerk magnet. I once heard a mother tell her child, "Well, obviously, some people just don't have a real life and don't care how they look."

"Obvioulsy, some people need an anal stickectomy," I whispered to Himself, who had stopped to stare at the angry, uptight woman, dragging her poor little girl away from us, who only wanted to look at my "pretty purple hair."

Besides, I am extremely goofy; I have nothing to hide. Hear, hear Ely and Wavestar.


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Willie-O
Date: 17 Sep 00 - 09:29 AM

Thomas has a point..it's not the first dumb personal question I mind, it's the followup, such as: "Would you mind telling me why you don't care to discuss your spiritual beliefs with a complete stranger who knocked on your door?"

"Yes, I would, thank you. Have a nice day."

Another one, when busking, is: "how much money do you make doing that?"

"Well, about 40K a year plus stock options and a string allowance...how much do you make?"

Enough already.

W-O


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: CamiSu
Date: 17 Sep 00 - 09:17 AM

So on a personal note, Jessica, how did thee end up as a GUEST?


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Lena
Date: 17 Sep 00 - 08:30 AM

"Did you pick up your breasts from your daddy?!"(size 1)


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Naemanson
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 10:15 PM

I am amused at the number of people who have stated that "pregnant bellies" are something special. I'm not disagreeing. I enjoyed touching my wife's pregnant belly and especially trying to feel movement from inside. You might say I got a "kick" out of it.

But back on track. Some time ago (and probably for some women today) the pregnant belly was something to hide. Last month I saw a great example of someone who carried the pregnant belly to the other extreme. I was at an arts festival and I was amused and impressed by a woman dressed in fully bloused gauzy pants, a halter top, and flowing robes arranged to fully expose her pregnant belly. I'm guessing she was near term. She was huge. The piece de resistance was an intricate henna design all around her navel (she was obviously not ticklish). She was beautiful.


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: GUEST,Wavestar
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 09:22 PM

I have an 'adopted' Japanese brother - he's a member of the family, but not by any official legal or biological definitions. So when I refer to him as my brother, people always ask questions. But then again, I have a friend who is clearly adopted - and I never once have asked his parents about their decision, or his "real parents'.

I had green hair, once, and people asked me questions about that, but I never really minded. I did turn it GREEN, after all, and I live in a conservative area. I only objected when the questions were phrased in such a way as to insinuate that I was tasteless, stupid and shouldn't have done what I did, that is, "Why did you do THAT?" I also object to people whispering or muttering about the way I dress, asking pointed questions about my mediaeval garb ("Do you think it's Halloween?" "Are you a freak?" "What are you DOING?") In most of these cases, I answer calmly, which unnerves them more, or ignore the question.

What I do object to, however, is people who walk up and tug on my curls just to watch them bounce, when they don't know me, or say, "Heavens, you should eat more, you're so small!" I have several friends with shaved or fuzzt heads - I know them well, and still ask permission to rub their heads. Personal space should be respected. I think pregnant women's bellies are wonderful, and have been considered sacred in many cultures for centuries - but if you want to touch it, go up and ask politely. If you see a dog you want to know about, stop and say to the owner, "What a beautiful (or unusual) dog! Will you tell me about him?"

I think it's not necessarily bad for people to ask these things - but there are polite ways to do it. We just need to keep this in mind.

-J


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: The Beanster
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 06:18 PM

Thomas the Rhymer, I agree with you (I think). The point I was trying to make above (and not very well, most likely) was that you can't really take offense at someone who means no harm. They're just socially STUPID.

No matter what whacky question I've ever been asked, I've never been rude to the person, for Pete's sake! There's no need. Even, "Have you ever had an abortion?" (which made my eyes bug out of my head) lol I just said nicely, with an amused expression, "I'm not going to answer that." If you let them know gently, that it's an inappropriate question, they back off and usually apologize. To me, that's a much better outcome than if I got all defensive and snapped at them with some nasty comment or sarcastic, rhetorical question. It would make them feel bad and that would make me feel bad.

It's not necessary to "get back" at them. Some people can't spell, some people can't do math (me) and some people have no intuitive "feel" for interpersonal relations. (shrug)


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: SINSULL
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 04:28 PM

Thank you Thomas. And you bring up a good point. I make it a policy not to take offense and have a lousy sex life. So I am now going into "SUPER SENSITVE" mode. I'll let you know if there are any changes.

"The Man Who Would Be King" is Sean Connery's best. Maybe Michael Caine's too although he was a wonderful "Alfie".


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Thomas the Rhymer
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 04:09 PM

My point. People are going out of their way to take offence. Does it improve their sex lives?


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: SDShad
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 03:08 PM

Sinsull--

I have a similar response to your "unnnatural" that works for me. I was raised, not with it really being said much, but rather by example, to see family as including much more than those with whom one has formal familial ties, be they biological, adopted, or formal foster. In that context, Hyp and I have a foster daughter who's now in her mid-20s--not in any formal foster program, but in that extended family sense that would involve telling the whole story in a way that would make this post even longer. I'm not at all averse to telling the story, though, and will if asked.

Anyway, when Sarah's friends meet us, they'll turn to us and say things like "oh, you're her folks?" And Sarah will sometimes reply, "well, yeah, but they're not my real parents" (I'm not offended by that), to which I'll reply, "yeah, we're her cybernetic parents." Puzzled double-takes from her friends, and much daughterly giggling from Sarah.

And Kendall, I have to respecfully disagree with you. For my money, it's "The Man Who Would Be King," or maybe "The Name of the Rose." Connery and Hepburn were wonderful in "Robin and Marian" (how could they not be?), but the script and story are just a little too muddled for me.

Chris


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Ely
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 02:53 PM

Good grief, Thomas, it's not as though I dyed my hair pink and then sought out people to insult. If I happen to have pink hair and am just cruising down the pickle aisle, minding my own business, what gives them the right to stare and ask impertinent questions? I know my hair is pink, and I probably like it or I wouldn't have dyed it, and, for crying out loud, it isn't contagious. I know people like novelties but even Middle America can learn to keep its hands to itself and mind its manners (consider it "not stooping to our level" if it makes them feel better).

I don't really have pink hair, I was just using it as an example.


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Ely
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 02:22 PM

Why anyone would be sorry that you're having twins is beyond me. If YOU aren't sorry about something, why on Earth should they be sorry (and why should they assume you're sorry)?

I hate being touched, especially by people whom I don't know well. I had class with a guy who used to greet people with shoulder rubs and it was all I could do not to strangle him.

I have very, very, straight, limp, hair and people used to ask me often if I ironed it. It also sunbleaches badly and they wanted to know if I had tried to dye it blonde or if I'd used lemon juice or peroxide on it (I've never wanted blonde hair--I always wanted my mother's black hair and hated that mine goes brassy every summer). The implication was always that, whatever I had tried to do to it, I clearly didn't know what I was doing and had come close to ruining myself.

When I was in high school, this hair was very long (several inches below my waist) and everyone seemed to think they had the right to braid it or twist it up or, if I had it braided already, to pull the braids or twirl them around. One of the reasons I cut it was that it would get so badly tangled when people played with it.


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: SINSULL
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 02:06 PM

Thomas, I am confused. You are gay, wear a pink toupee and resent it when strangers pat your tummy and ask how far along you are?
I am teasing but honest I don't quite get your point.
Mary


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Thomas the Rhymer
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 01:54 PM

It has been said, that "we bring as much pain and suffering when we give offence, as when we take offence."

Why are so many of these posts trying to justify indignation towards clumsy strangers? Like its sooooooo satisfying to have an excuse to be rude... or to take offence, or to be superior or something.

The astounding psychology behind dying one's hair pink and then saying indignant things to startled strangers...

I'm mean, sure...we all feel like middle America needs a kick in the butt, but why do we get so caught up in the vanity department? I am especially talking to you ladies, but guys do it too...

Don't you hate it when people get together on beautiful days, and talk about all "the things they hate"! ME TOO!

My pet peeve, is the assumption that that I 'must be gay'... I just ask why?... It ususally stems from someone in their own life that they reaaly like, that seems 'unaccountably' gay, and so the wonder is afoot about other people. What a tiresome distraction it is. What is the psychology behind assumptions like this? I am sometimes amazed by the odd intuition that people are trying to tag others with the lowest possible (in their mind) assumption... I think that is why creeps try to look so normal and straight.

Being goofy is really fun when you don't have anything to hide! But it is sad when people are overreactive to their own provocations... " what are you looking at?". ttr


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: catspaw49
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 09:29 AM

Which factory?

Spaw


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: harpgirl
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 08:13 AM

...I just say, "they're factory originals!"


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Midchuck
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 08:11 AM

It's not quite on point, but years ago, when there were a lot fewer restrictions on smoking indoors (in the US) people would ask me "Do you mind if I smoke?" and I'd succumb to the temptation to reply, "Well, do you mind if I pick my nose and flick the stuff at you?" Seemed like equivalent questions to me, but people seemed to get upset.

Peter.


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: kendall
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 07:59 AM

Its nice to see all those positive comments about bald men. I lost much of my hair in my 20's and it has NOT been a drawback! Sean Connery is my kind of guy now that he has dropped that 007 crap. His best movie? ROBIN & MARIAN with Audrey Hepburn.


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Catrin
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 07:43 AM

I never understood why it mattered which sex the child was. One thing that always really really p****d me off when I was pregnant was the question "do you want a boy or a girl?".

I always felt that this implied that I would love it less if it was the 'wrong' sex. I would answer 'actually, I'm really hoping it will be a baby' and then explain why i objected to the question. Most people seemed to understand though and it would often open up quite an interesting discussion.


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: The Beanster
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 04:02 AM

I always keep in mind that these nutty people who ask way-too-personal questions (or touch a pregnant woman's tummy!) probably have some sizeable degree of personality uh...deficits, for lack of a better word. No boundaries, low social intelligence--that kind of thing.

I see a lot of undiagnosed mental illness and various psychopathology in my job (part of which is custody/visitation cases, speaking of kids in difficult situations...) and some of these people have asked things that just automatically make me chuckle: What religion are you? Has a man ever hit you? Are those your real nails? Have you ever had an abortion?

It's interesting because I usually don't even get that from active psychotics or mentally retarded people--it's these messed up parents who come through the door who think they're "normal" who are the ones, 9 times out of 10, who always floor me with these inappropriate questions. Never ceases to amaze me. Speaking of kids


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: CamiSu
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 12:38 AM

No one ever pawed my belly that I can remember, but I do recall the nurse where I went for prenatal care commenting that she knew someone else as far along as I was that wasn't nearly as big. I asked how far she thought I was and she replied '6 months'. Well I was due that week and was in for my last visit and told her so. Shut her up in a hurry.

On the subject of adoption. I have been blessed by being amazingly fertile, but my husband and I decided immediately if we had trouble with pregnancy that of course we would adopt. My feeling is that adopted kids are so fortunate. Their parents worked hard to get them, and wanted them so much. I don't care what their race or background is, of course they're yours! I have 'almost' kids, that call my home theirs for whatever reason. The more the merrier. '[God] setteth the solitary in families' Hooray for that!


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Parson
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 12:03 AM

I have a Preacher-friend who wears a hair piece. It's pretty obvious that that's what it is. One day he told me that a lady had just come up to him & ask him, "Is that hair yours?" His reply was, "Yes." By that, I think he meant that he had paid for it & it WAS his!

In a Church that I once served, there was a couple that had adopted a child, because they thought they couldn't have any, & then, shortly thereafter, she DID! She would become very indignant if you asked her which one was her child & tell you right off, that they were BOTH her children, she had given birth to one & had chosen to adopt the other, but without answering the question of which was which. But, if you tried to guess, you'd be dead wrong. The one that was adopted was a spitting image of both mom & dad, but the one she had given birth to didn't look that much like either parent.

Some people have a mouth that runs away before they ever put their brain in gear.

Randall


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 11:34 PM

To Sinsull and Spaw---In my estimation it takes special people to adopt and foster other peoples children. To provide a home, complete with love and understanding takes special special people. I for one try to provide as much love and understanding to my "great grandaughter". She is the product of a broken,young, single, biracial relationship. She happens to be the apple of my eye and brings me great joy, laughter and warmth. If your adoptees and fostered children bring you half as much joy as I have with her, your hearts must be full to the bursting point with love and pride.

I raise my glass to you both and to all the others in this world who take on the chore of raising someone elses children. There aren't enough of you.

Sailor DAn


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: catspaw49
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 10:53 PM

So I guess I couldn't use Rosebrool's advice then and say, "My Margaret, you're looking exceptionally skinny today."(:<))

Spaw


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Margaret V
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 10:26 PM

Thinness seems to be public domain too. Most people have a sense that it is rude to comment on a person's body size if the size is large, but they seem to have no qualms about remarking on how skinny someone is. I know our culture values thin over fat, and probably a person commenting on somebody's thinness doesn't intend to be rude, but I think it's just as personally invasive. Margaret


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Rosebrook
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 10:19 PM

You can get away from that underlying implication by stressing to the person that they look *especially* nice today.

Rose


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: catspaw49
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 10:09 PM

Cute story Bill. I try never to use the line, "You look really nice today," which somehow seems to imply the party you're speaking to looks like hell the rest of the time.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: GUEST,Jeffrey Emmett
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 10:07 PM

A favorite come-back of mine when being asked a personal (nosey) question is to turn the tables by asking them in a matter-of-fact, non-defensive manner,

"Why would you think you are entitled to that information?"

Give it a try! It works every time.

Jeff


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Bill D
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 09:56 PM

this has reminded me of a wonderful story...

..A young girl was going out on her first date to a banquet with a local boy, and since it was to be sort of 'formal', she was VERY concerned about her appearance...which included the issue of feeling she just was not as well developed in the bust as she would have liked. Her mother sighed and took pity on her and showed her how to 'stuff' her bra with puffs of cotton until it seemed better...then mother loaned her grandmother's cultured pearls to set off her new gown and sent her off....

So, when the girl came home, mom was expecting a happy smile...but instead was greeted with a sullen, almost tearful face..."Why, dear", asks Mom,"What's wrong?"

"Oh, it was terrible!" says junior miss, "We were sitting at the table, and Larry looks at me and says, 'You look nice tonight, Sally...are those real?"

"Well, I hope you told him 'yes'", Mom replies huffily, "They've been in the family for several generations"

"OH!!" gasps Sally, clasping her hand to her 'chest'.."the pearls!...I forgot all about them!"


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: catspaw49
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 09:13 PM

Yeah Mary....I drink to "Little Victories" anytime.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 09:07 PM

Yeah, Spaw, I loved being asked if I was Lawrence's natural mother. I always responded "No, I am the unnatural one". Another classic rude question which always astonished me "Was he abused?" Followed by a confidential "You know, abused children aren't normal". Fortunately, I live in a community where adoption is common. Some older friends and their children offered support when my son was young. He and I offer support to the younger ones today. Most often, just knowing that people they admire are adopted or adoptive parents does wonders for a kid who thinks he's second best.

I also despise the "Mary Martyr, Special Place in Heaven" crap. Our adoption was not altruistic. I wanted a son and did what I had to to get one. He made me the happiest lady on the planet. I gave him the status of adored son. Together we have made a family. If there is a "special place" for parents who adopt special children, it is on a therapist's couch, not in heaven. The job is hard. But the victories are very sweet.

One of our happiest moments occurred in a movie theater. He "failed to thrive" and was, at age nine, the size of a small five-year-old. Kids teased him that he was lying about his age. He (and some doctors) thought he would never grow. We bought the mandatory pop corn, Pepsi and twizzlers and found two seats. He sat and spilled his Pepsi in shock shouting "Mom, my feet touch the ground!" Little victories.


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: catspaw49
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 08:50 PM

Meebo, I too understand how you feel and like Sinsull I've been watching it happen for too many years. Sadly, its going to keep happening too. I will restrain myself from going off on a rant here. The faults in the system are simply beyond belief and though we have made progress toward "the best interest of the child" laws, the resolution of the problem is still far off. We have fostered almost 30 kids and we wonder all the time if we really made any difference at all.

But that brings up some interesting questions that adoptive parents get. Now I know that not all folks mean things the way they sound, and Karen and I are past being upset by any means, but you develop a sensitivity to the language people use because, to be truthful, adoption is still viewed as a bit unnatural in this country. Our two boys have grown up with a lot of other kids in the house and an ever changing family. You do get some interesting comments though.

"Do you have any children of your own?"
Yes, these two. "I mean do you have any natural children?"
Well, these two aren't aliens, ya' know?
"Well its so nice of you to give them a good home."
No, its nice of them to give us a good home.
"Do you know who their mother is?"
Yes (point to Karen), she is.
"No, I mean the real mother."
Like I said, Karen is.
"Well you know what I mean."
uh...yeah, I do.
"They look kind of alike. Are they real brothers?"
Well they certainly act like real brothers, but if you mean are they biologically related...No.

There's a ton of that kind of thing comes up all the time. I always push them a bit, then explain why adoptive families ARE natural families. I figure it never hurts to make folks squirm a bit first....makes them more receptive to truth. Did you know their are cultures where the royalty are all adopted? Birth children cannot hold the positions.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 08:47 PM

My father married a sweetheart of a woman who decided that since I was single I must be gay. You can ask me about almost anything and I will give you a straightforward honest answer. But try to cajole information and I can extremely dense. Poor lady died not knowing I'm straight and all she had to do was ask.

The gay question is bad enough but being expected to "catch the bouquet" really pisses me off. I'll be 96 with a walker and they will still be coyly announcing "Where's Mary?"


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: MarkS
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 08:36 PM

How about if you are unmarried and upon coming solo to a social event being asked, "Are you gay?"


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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: MarkS
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 08:35 PM

How about if you are unmarried and upon coming solo to a social event being asked, "Are you gay?"


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