More Personal Questions

Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: SINSULL
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 02:06 PM

Thomas, I am confused. You are gay, wear a pink toupee and resent it when strangers pat your tummy and ask how far along you are?
I am teasing but honest I don't quite get your point.
Mary

Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Ely
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 02:22 PM

Why anyone would be sorry that you're having twins is beyond me. If YOU aren't sorry about something, why on Earth should they be sorry (and why should they assume you're sorry)?

I hate being touched, especially by people whom I don't know well. I had class with a guy who used to greet people with shoulder rubs and it was all I could do not to strangle him.

I have very, very, straight, limp, hair and people used to ask me often if I ironed it. It also sunbleaches badly and they wanted to know if I had tried to dye it blonde or if I'd used lemon juice or peroxide on it (I've never wanted blonde hair--I always wanted my mother's black hair and hated that mine goes brassy every summer). The implication was always that, whatever I had tried to do to it, I clearly didn't know what I was doing and had come close to ruining myself.

When I was in high school, this hair was very long (several inches below my waist) and everyone seemed to think they had the right to braid it or twist it up or, if I had it braided already, to pull the braids or twirl them around. One of the reasons I cut it was that it would get so badly tangled when people played with it.

Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Ely
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 02:53 PM

Good grief, Thomas, it's not as though I dyed my hair pink and then sought out people to insult. If I happen to have pink hair and am just cruising down the pickle aisle, minding my own business, what gives them the right to stare and ask impertinent questions? I know my hair is pink, and I probably like it or I wouldn't have dyed it, and, for crying out loud, it isn't contagious. I know people like novelties but even Middle America can learn to keep its hands to itself and mind its manners (consider it "not stooping to our level" if it makes them feel better).

I don't really have pink hair, I was just using it as an example.

Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: SDShad
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 03:08 PM

Sinsull--

I have a similar response to your "unnnatural" that works for me. I was raised, not with it really being said much, but rather by example, to see family as including much more than those with whom one has formal familial ties, be they biological, adopted, or formal foster. In that context, Hyp and I have a foster daughter who's now in her mid-20s--not in any formal foster program, but in that extended family sense that would involve telling the whole story in a way that would make this post even longer. I'm not at all averse to telling the story, though, and will if asked.

Anyway, when Sarah's friends meet us, they'll turn to us and say things like "oh, you're her folks?" And Sarah will sometimes reply, "well, yeah, but they're not my real parents" (I'm not offended by that), to which I'll reply, "yeah, we're her cybernetic parents." Puzzled double-takes from her friends, and much daughterly giggling from Sarah.

And Kendall, I have to respecfully disagree with you. For my money, it's "The Man Who Would Be King," or maybe "The Name of the Rose." Connery and Hepburn were wonderful in "Robin and Marian" (how could they not be?), but the script and story are just a little too muddled for me.

Chris

Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Thomas the Rhymer
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 04:09 PM

My point. People are going out of their way to take offence. Does it improve their sex lives?

Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: SINSULL
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 04:28 PM

Thank you Thomas. And you bring up a good point. I make it a policy not to take offense and have a lousy sex life. So I am now going into "SUPER SENSITVE" mode. I'll let you know if there are any changes.

"The Man Who Would Be King" is Sean Connery's best. Maybe Michael Caine's too although he was a wonderful "Alfie".

Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: The Beanster
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 06:18 PM

Thomas the Rhymer, I agree with you (I think). The point I was trying to make above (and not very well, most likely) was that you can't really take offense at someone who means no harm. They're just socially STUPID.

No matter what whacky question I've ever been asked, I've never been rude to the person, for Pete's sake! There's no need. Even, "Have you ever had an abortion?" (which made my eyes bug out of my head) lol I just said nicely, with an amused expression, "I'm not going to answer that." If you let them know gently, that it's an inappropriate question, they back off and usually apologize. To me, that's a much better outcome than if I got all defensive and snapped at them with some nasty comment or sarcastic, rhetorical question. It would make them feel bad and that would make me feel bad.

It's not necessary to "get back" at them. Some people can't spell, some people can't do math (me) and some people have no intuitive "feel" for interpersonal relations. (shrug)

Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: GUEST,Wavestar
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 09:22 PM

I have an 'adopted' Japanese brother - he's a member of the family, but not by any official legal or biological definitions. So when I refer to him as my brother, people always ask questions. But then again, I have a friend who is clearly adopted - and I never once have asked his parents about their decision, or his "real parents'.

I had green hair, once, and people asked me questions about that, but I never really minded. I did turn it GREEN, after all, and I live in a conservative area. I only objected when the questions were phrased in such a way as to insinuate that I was tasteless, stupid and shouldn't have done what I did, that is, "Why did you do THAT?" I also object to people whispering or muttering about the way I dress, asking pointed questions about my mediaeval garb ("Do you think it's Halloween?" "Are you a freak?" "What are you DOING?") In most of these cases, I answer calmly, which unnerves them more, or ignore the question.

What I do object to, however, is people who walk up and tug on my curls just to watch them bounce, when they don't know me, or say, "Heavens, you should eat more, you're so small!" I have several friends with shaved or fuzzt heads - I know them well, and still ask permission to rub their heads. Personal space should be respected. I think pregnant women's bellies are wonderful, and have been considered sacred in many cultures for centuries - but if you want to touch it, go up and ask politely. If you see a dog you want to know about, stop and say to the owner, "What a beautiful (or unusual) dog! Will you tell me about him?"

I think it's not necessarily bad for people to ask these things - but there are polite ways to do it. We just need to keep this in mind.

-J

Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Naemanson
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 10:15 PM

I am amused at the number of people who have stated that "pregnant bellies" are something special. I'm not disagreeing. I enjoyed touching my wife's pregnant belly and especially trying to feel movement from inside. You might say I got a "kick" out of it.

But back on track. Some time ago (and probably for some women today) the pregnant belly was something to hide. Last month I saw a great example of someone who carried the pregnant belly to the other extreme. I was at an arts festival and I was amused and impressed by a woman dressed in fully bloused gauzy pants, a halter top, and flowing robes arranged to fully expose her pregnant belly. I'm guessing she was near term. She was huge. The piece de resistance was an intricate henna design all around her navel (she was obviously not ticklish). She was beautiful.

Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Lena
Date: 17 Sep 00 - 08:30 AM

"Did you pick up your breasts from your daddy?!"(size 1)

Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: CamiSu
Date: 17 Sep 00 - 09:17 AM

So on a personal note, Jessica, how did thee end up as a GUEST?

Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Willie-O
Date: 17 Sep 00 - 09:29 AM

Thomas has a point..it's not the first dumb personal question I mind, it's the followup, such as: "Would you mind telling me why you don't care to discuss your spiritual beliefs with a complete stranger who knocked on your door?"

"Yes, I would, thank you. Have a nice day."

Another one, when busking, is: "how much money do you make doing that?"

"Well, about 40K a year plus stock options and a string allowance...how much do you make?"

Enough already.

W-O

Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: guinnesschik
Date: 17 Sep 00 - 10:50 AM

I finally got asked yesterday "So, what's your day job?" at a paid gig. It was rather strange and awkward. I very politely told the lady who asked. "This is it. I'm a musician. My other two jobs are part time." She seemed rather perplexed that anyone would want to do this.

I've only been indignant to strangers who've been rude about my hair color. We live in the year 2000. The punk movement is old. Tatts and piercings no longer get stared at or much commented upon. Why should strange hair color? It's temporary.

Himself, however, has asked me not to go purple again, as it really seems to be a jerk magnet. I once heard a mother tell her child, "Well, obviously, some people just don't have a real life and don't care how they look."

"Obvioulsy, some people need an anal stickectomy," I whispered to Himself, who had stopped to stare at the angry, uptight woman, dragging her poor little girl away from us, who only wanted to look at my "pretty purple hair."

Besides, I am extremely goofy; I have nothing to hide. Hear, hear Ely and Wavestar.

Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: catspaw49
Date: 17 Sep 00 - 11:30 AM

At times, its not so much that a question is personal, sometimes its just stupid. I used to enjoy the Mad Magazine "Snappy Comebacks" section. But really now, don't people ask some stupid shit sometimes? For instance, I'm on the phone and someone asks, "Are you on the phone?"........No, I'm cleaning out my ear with this plastic scoop.

Sometimes they ask the wrong thing......what instead of how. A customer's Vette had a stuck float and gas was pouring out of the carb and it ignited. After putting the fire out, I'm assessing the damage and some guy asks, "What happened?".....Well, I damn near burnt this fucker to the ground, what's it look like? "Was it an accident?".....No, I wanted to roast a few dogs and I was out of charcoal. Hell, I set fire to a lot of customer's cars...Where's yours?

If you want really personal questions, go to the hospital. Have you had a bowel movement? I always like that one from the folks who insist on using the plural pronoun, as in, "Have WE had a bowel movement today?".....Yeah, I did, but I didn't see you nowhere. And for stupidity, at times there is no one who can hold a candle to the stuff you get there! The day after a py-pass the nurse asks, "Are you in much pain?"....Oh I dunno. Let me split your chest open with a broad ax and tell me what you think.

Yeah, I know....I ask the same stupid personal stuff myself. Its a kind of conditioned reflex. You really DO care, but you don't think how it comes out.

Spaw

Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: DougR
Date: 17 Sep 00 - 09:07 PM

Shucks Shoot, Ely, you completely destroyed my fantasy! I was just certain the next time I walked down the pickle aisle at my local grocery store I would see a raving beauty with shiny pink hair, and I was going to walk right up to her and say, "I'll bet you're Ely!" Now I wouldn't dare do that. Sob!

DougR

Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Susanne (skw)
Date: 17 Sep 00 - 09:41 PM

I was rather taken aback a few years back when I went to the Mitchell Library in Glasgow during very hot weather, wearing shorts and a suntop. When I collected my things to leave, the guard looked at me and asked: "You no British, are you?" I said, "No", looking a bit puzzled, I suppose. Then he explained, not unkindly: "A British woman would have shaved armpits!" In fact, it took me several hours to start thinking straight again: "And just whose business is this???"

Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 02:47 AM

I hate going to my doctor's office and having the receptionist/nurse ask me why I'm there/what's wrong in front of other patients. When I respond quietly, "It's of a personal nature," she replies, "Well, I really need to know, so that the doctor has an idea of what to expect." I can feel the eyes of the other patients burning into me, when I say, "I'd prefer to discusss my medical condition privately." But she insists, "I must tell the doctor what kind of case this is." That's when I say at the top of my voice, "My penis has turned black, and there are large runny green pustules all over it!!" Gasps all around. Of I see the doctor, I ask him to treat my painful ingrown toenail. All the best
Seamus

Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Jed at Work
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 05:58 PM

Well, I really need to stop reading this stuff at work. I am sitting here laughing my as* off at BillD (great story,, Bill) Spaw, Seamus et al.

And Karen you're purple hair is awesome!! You gotta tell himself that the rest of the world loves it!! In fact; here's a link to guiness chick's purple hair as seen at last year's North Texas Irish Festival. We need a Mudcat vote! Does guinesschic's hair look cool, or what??

Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Jed at Work
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 06:13 PM

Oh, and I forgot to tell the reason why I wanted to post to this thread in the first place. People wanting to touch pregnant bellies sure seems to be a universal thing ... i've never done it, uninvited, but always have the desire to! I have to say that my wife surprised me, when pregnant with our first, by offering her belly to friends and occasional strangers for a feel ... lol ... she is a fairly reserved, maybe even shy sort of person, so this behavior was not what you'd expect of her ... but it just seemed to be a natural thing!

And as for 'are those real?' sorta questions ... for years I am facing people's disbelief at the age of my kids. "are they yours?" I am commonly asked, implying perhaps step children from marriage to an older woman ... I simply answer truthfully; "We started young!"

Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Mbo
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 06:17 PM

My sister & I are often asked if we are a married couple (because of the same last name)! Or if we are twins. We aren't either of those two!

Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: guinnesschik
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 06:25 PM

Aw, Jed....now my face is cherry red, too.

Your "no longer purple haired wonder what color it's gonna be next," g'chik

Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Jed at Work
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 06:29 PM

LOL g'chik! By the way, when I showed the website pic above to my sons they asked me, "is that really the color of her hair?" chuckle ... but of course, they wondered if I'd changed it with PhotoShop when I played with the image a bit ...

Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: The Beanster
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 06:43 PM

Again, a minority voice here but I absolutely never have had the desire to touch someone's pregnant belly! But if I ever were pregnant (no desire for that either) I do think it would be very funny to wear a small tape recorder on my person somewhere and if anyone were to touch me, uninvited, they would here an ominous growl...

Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: catspaw49
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 07:16 PM

Hmmmm..........I LIKE that Beanster! Maybe you ought to try to rig up one of the talking car alarms instead. Just a little voice reprogramming and when someone gets too close..........

PLEASE MOVE AWAY....YOU ARE STANDING TOO CLOSE TO THE FETUS

I liked the collision sensor that Nissan used on the ZX for awhile. At 85 mph, when you were within 25 feet of a bridge abuttment, it screamed, "BONZAI."

Spaw

Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: The Beanster
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 08:08 PM

Hahahaa spaw! Oh, the mind reels at the possibilities...

When someone touches the tummy:

The muffled sound of a baby crying accompanied by mother's disapproving glare at the stranger and, "Tsk! You made my baby cry!"

Very deep baby voice saying, "Get your hands off me!"

Angelic voices singing in a heavenly chorus, "Aaaaaah aahhhhh!"

Eric Burdon singing "We Gotta Get Out of This Place"

Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Bill D
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 10:31 PM

"Why, oh why, oh why, oh why, oh why?
Why, oh why, oh why?
"Because, because, because, because
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye"

....Woody Guthrie

Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: annamill
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 01:41 PM

You all bring to mind an incident that happened to me when I was pregnant with my daughter. I was sitting in a local restaurant in Woodstock called Deanie's. Now Deanie's was a formal restaurant and had a very formal atmosphere. One day my first husband and I went there for lunch and I was showing pretty good. A man came in whom my husband and I knew but didn't like very much. He came over, leaned over the table, put his hand on my belly and asked me how was the baby!! The following took place in about a five second time frame.

I looked at my husband with a shocked look, hit his hand off my belly, and very loudly told him to keep his f**king hand off my stomach!! His retort was, after a second of shocked silence, 'nice mouth on your wife Ally'.

Now, do YOU think I was being rude??

Love, annamill (Tee Hee)

Subject: RE: More Personal Questions
From: Jed at Work
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 03:30 PM

Sounds like he was being rude, annamill!