Humorous Sex Songs

Subject: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Oversoul
Date: 22 Sep 00 - 10:13 PM

[Many song titles in this thread have been converted to links by a Mudelf.]

I would like to put together a set of funny songs regarding sexual relations. For example; being caught in the act, or catching others, being thwarted, coitus awry! With me here? I've got three songs in mind but I need at least six more. For instance: I HAD BUT FIFTY CENTS (traditional), TOO CLOSE TOGETHER (Sonny Boy Williamson), and ON THE ROAD AGAIN (Memphis Jug Band). Not talking about needing it, or losing it, just funny stuff. 'Fess up bottom-feeders! Personal accounts of this phenomena are optional, but I need some titles! This is for a good cause, believe me.

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Mbo
Date: 22 Sep 00 - 10:22 PM

Check out the winners of the Song Challenge! Part 1. Or this favorite of mine: BIG TEN INCH RECORD by [Bull Moose Jackson, later covered by] Aerosmith.

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Rich(bodhránai gan ciall)
Date: 22 Sep 00 - 10:37 PM

Ok there's a bawdy song called JOHNNY GO EASY about a man who meets a girl, dubbed "the Mystery", in a pub and over the ensuing few days tries to get her drunk for the reason a man in a bawdy song would be expected to try to get a girl drunk. I don't have the lyrics but the chorus goes:
Johnny go easy, you're driving me crazy, Johnny go easy, I'm losing me mind, me senses are sunk in an ocean of whisky and porter and _______wine.


A friend of mine that I used to play with sang it. I'll e-mail him and try to get him to send me the lyrics.
Rich

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Gypsy
Date: 22 Sep 00 - 10:38 PM

What, and you are forgetting the LUSTY YOUNG SMITH? And also, DO ME AMA. Both are in threads.

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Malcolm Douglas
Date: 22 Sep 00 - 10:46 PM

Have a look at THE MOLECATCHER

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Mbo
Date: 22 Sep 00 - 10:46 PM

Or "COWSONG" by Kate Rusby!

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Benjamin
Date: 22 Sep 00 - 10:52 PM

HESITATION BLUES By Rev. Gary Davis!

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Mbo
Date: 22 Sep 00 - 10:52 PM

Or "THE JOLLY TINKER".

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: The Beanster
Date: 22 Sep 00 - 10:56 PM

Although it's not really about sex, per se, there's Todd Rundgren's "YOU LEFT ME SORE," which is either about transmission of an STD or it could be about love, depending on what you read into it.

And there's always Randy Newman's "YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR HAT ON."

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Naemanson
Date: 22 Sep 00 - 11:09 PM

THE GERMAN CLOCKWINDER!

Check out the Dalliance series of records. The ones I have are called When Dalliance was In Flower And Maidens Lost Their Heads. I have Volume 3 and More Dalliance,

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Mbo
Date: 22 Sep 00 - 11:19 PM

THE UPS AND DOWNS by Steeleye Span.

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Oversoul
Date: 22 Sep 00 - 11:24 PM

Thanks so much for the input! (and as always, pardon the pun!) I should have known this would be a "dude" thing. Before this thread sinks to the bottom of the heap, I might add another fine old song "THE GENTLEMAN SOLDIER". Shucks, this has been great.

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Mbo
Date: 22 Sep 00 - 11:27 PM

Pogues do a great version of THE GENTLEMAN SOLDIER on Rum, Sodomy, and The Lash...they do all kinds of crazy voices in the song.

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Gary T
Date: 22 Sep 00 - 11:38 PM

SEVEN DRUNKEN NIGHTS.

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: rabbitrunning
Date: 22 Sep 00 - 11:46 PM

Well, I suppose this one is more about disappointments, but I like Side by Side and it's very funny.

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 12:44 AM

A Four Letter Word.

I'll give you the chorus and hope someone comes up with the rest without me typing it all.

CHORUS It'a a four letter word, a four letter word. Let's banish the use of the four letter word.

It's bawdy but can be sang in mixed company. I heard it sang in front of a Priest and a Nun and it didn't bother them. One person left though.

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST,jaze
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 12:54 AM

On a lighter note, "THE SCOTSMAN" is a funny one

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Jimmy C
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 01:04 AM

"MAIDS WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG NEVER WED AN OLD MAN"

"THE RIGS OF LONDON TOWN"

"THE JOLLY TINKER"

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Oversoul
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 01:10 AM

Please send the chord for that!

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Rich(bodhránai gan ciall)
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 01:12 AM

It's a stretch but "A Chat with Your Mother (The F-Word Song)" by Lou and Peter Berryman

Rich

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Ana
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 01:17 AM

Kath Tait (NZer who's been living in the UK) has a hilarious one (as most of hers are) about a neighbourly tryst ... she's worth taking the effort to watch out for, but at the moment I'm not sure how to put you onto her. Someone else may have contact or CD info. She is a regular touring performer through NZ Ana

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From:
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 01:18 AM

I'm with Naemanson, Ed McCurdy rules

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From:
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 01:22 AM

Yes indeed1 I'll also go along with Ana - out for the Cabbage Lady - Kath Tait, writer and singer of many hilarious songs

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Metchosin
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 02:23 AM

Also check out any Rusty Warren or Ruth Wallis

Songs that come to mind are:

Freddy the Fisherman's Son ( I think I can remember all the lyrics if you can't find a tape or CD)

Goldmine

My Old Soldier

The Dingy song

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Barbara
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 03:07 AM

MY HUSBAND'S GOT NO COURAGE IN HIM
THE VICAR AND THE FROG
and what's that ballad where the maiden asks for "what lies between your legs" and when the gent dismounts, she leaps on his horse and takes off?
Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: bob schwarer
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 06:40 AM

From The New St. George album "High Tea" listen to "THE STEGGIE"

Bob S.

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Carlin
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 09:43 AM

Dirty blues...

SHAVE 'EM DRY, Ring my Bell, The Jack, Happy Hooker, Travelin' Riverside Blues.....

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Morticia
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 09:56 AM

Barbara, that's the 'Lady Highwayman'...I think.

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 10:13 AM

Perhaps my favorite song of the genre is called "CHASTITY BELT" which can be found at www-cs.canisius.edu/~salley/Bard.book/chastity.html 

among other places. To give you an idea, one of the verses goes:

Alas, gentle errant, I am no maiden
I'm married to Sir Oswald the cunning old celt,
He's gone to the wars for a twelve-month or longer
And taken the key to my chastity belt.

Good luck.

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: guinnesschik
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 10:37 AM

One of the funniest I've heard is called "The Maid Gaed Tae The Mill" to get her corn ground by the lusty miller. I have it on a recording by Ewan McColl and Peggy Seeger.

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST,Arkie
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 10:40 AM

A few more suggestions: "BLOW AWAY THE MORNING DEW", "FIVE NIGHTS DRUNK" or "Cabbage Head Song" as it is called here in Arkansas, and Red River Dave's "The Clinging Lovers of Kenya". The latter song was based on a supposedly true story of a wife who surprised her husband and lover in a moment of intimacy and somehow managed to glue them together.

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: MK
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 10:56 AM

And who can forget Eric Idol's rousing rendition of Isn't It Awfully Good To Have a Penis performed in a posh supper club environment, from Monty Python's "The Meaning of Life".

Subject: Lyr Add: JOHNNY GO EASY (Ron Kavana)^^
From: Rich(bodhránai gan ciall)
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 11:50 AM

JOHNNY GO EASY

Meself and the mystery met in a boozer
The Stag's Head in Camden one cold rainy night
We had a few jars and the craic it was mighty
Till I up and asked for a bed for the night.

Chorus:
Johnny go easy, You're driving me crazy
Johnny go easy, I'm losing my mind
Me senses are sunk in an ocean of porter
and a mixture of whiskey and tawny port wine.

The days went by, the romance developed
To loosen her garter was my one desire
All efforts frustrated, frustration dictated
a few pints and large ones to light up her fire.

Chorus

Though I tried for to bed her, to wed her, to woo her
She wouldn't lay down between me and the wall
So to charm her, not harm her I tried to disarm her
with gallons of gargle and spirits and all

Chorus



My friend Mike whom I got these from wrote an added verse with a friend but I didn't mention that I was posting these, so I e-mailed him again for permission to post his verse.

Slán,
Rich

Subject: Lyr Add: I'M GONE (George Coventry)
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 12:38 PM

There's "Leopard-Skin Pillbox Hat" by Bob Dylan. That's a good one. (I see you got a new boyfriend, no I've never seen him before. I saw you makin' love to him...you forgot to close the garage door. Y' know I don't mind you cheatin' on me, baby, but I sure wish he'd take that off his head...your brand new leopard skin pillbox hat!)

Here's one I wrote, to the tune of Gordon Lightfoot's "If You Could Read My Mind"....

I'M GONE

If you could read my mind, love
You would probably slap my face
If you could read my mind, love
It would be such a big disgrace
When you reached the part
That I'm picturing
Your face would turn so red
I'd wish that I was dead
But you can't read my mind because
My thoughts are mine alone and today I'm gone...

If you could read my mind, love
Heaven knows what I would do
If you could read my mind, love
When I'm sitting next to you
I'd have to walk away
While I had the chance
Before you found your wits
And had a royal fit
But you can't read my mind because
My thoughts are private ones and also
You're not psychic, at least not much
You're not aware of my hidden lust
Although my fingers get confused
Each time I'm sitting next to you
And my guitar playing falls apart
Like the pieces of my lonely heart, I'm gone...

If you could read my mind, love
Or worse yet, if your husband could
I might have to leave this town, love
And maybe stay away for good
Or at least lie low for a little while
'Cos I've heard he's a jealous man
I don't think he'd understand
But I would still admire you
And I don't think that's wrong of me
I'm cursed with a vivid imagination
And when you sing in harmony
I begin to lose my concentration
I'm drowning in your symphony
I'm just a poor romantic fool
And when you're sitting next to me I'm gone...

If you could read my mind, love
You would probably slap my face...uh-huh...

Copyright c 1995 George Coventry
Words only by George Coventry

...a parody of "If You Could Read My Mind" by Gordon Lightfoot. That is, it uses the music of that song. It's not intended to make fun of the original, which is a superb song, one of the best ever.

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Catrin
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 01:00 PM

the maid's conjuring book is a good one to sing - especially if done in a 'serious' manner.

Cheers,

Catrin

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Barbara
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 01:02 PM

If you don't wish to go so far afield, Chastity Belt is also here in Digital Tradition.

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: wildlone
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 01:06 PM

If you want bawdy ballads . you could try this site

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: WyoWoman
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 02:12 PM

It's not folk, but Sondheim's "I Never Do Anything Twice" is one of my faves. Here's one verse:

When I was young and simple, (I don't recall the date),
I met a handsome captain of the guard.
He visited my chamber one evening rather late,
In tandem with a husky St. Bernard.
At first I was astonished, a tear came to my eye,
But later when I begged him to resume
He said, to my surprise, 'My dear,' that isn't wise,
Where love is concerned, one must freshen the bloom.


Once, yes, once for a lark
Twice, though, loses the spark
One must never deny it, but after you try it, you vary the diet.
Said my handsome young guard, "Yes, I know that it's hard,
But no matter the price, I never do anything twice.

Also, Sapphire has a funny blues song, "Silver Beaver," that nobody but her (them?) will ever have the nerve to do ...

WW

Subject: Lyr Add: Way of Sex^^
From: Barbara
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 02:56 PM

WAY OF SEX
(Mary Litchfield)

Some of us are single, some of us are married,
Some of us are breathing, some of us are buried;
Some get laid every day or so, some got laid a long time ago;
When they'll come again they don't really know,
And that is the way of sex.

Some of us like big strong men in the clinches,
Some of us prefer to hug lusty wenches
Some of us would rather go it alone
Some prefer things as yet unknown
You can't tell by looking just what is cooking
And that is the way of sex.

Some folks love a roll in the hay
Some would rather not bother
Too bad, 'cause in some strange way
These two types end up with each other.

Some of us have one lover and one only
Some of us have lost count and still feel lonely
Some of us can do it just for fun,
Some of us have to marry everyone
Most of us can find a way to get the thing done
And that is the way of sex.

Sex begins as childhood ends,
It makes us howl at the moon.
It goes on till we don't know when;
We dance into age to a sexual tune.

Sex causes tears and sex causes laughter
Some times we use it to get what we're after Sex causes babies and sex causes grief;
Sex is a joy, and a relief
But ignore it or embrace it, some how you have to face it,
And that is the way of,
That is the way of.
That is the way of sex!

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Barbara
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 03:02 PM

And the tune for it is here.
Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 04:58 PM

How about 'Me Dick Just dialled Your Number', by Kevin "Bloody" Wilson

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Cap't Bob
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 06:09 PM

"CRUISING 'ROUND YARMOUTH" ~ a good one for the sailors. Found it in a book called Bawdy British Folk Songs.

Cap't Bob

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: WyoWoman
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 06:52 PM

Barbara, I like that one. Went to the thread you linked to and found the words again and the artist who'd recorded it. There wasn't a link to a MIDI or anything, was there? Did I miss it? ww

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: mousethief
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 07:38 PM

Some of my favorite bawdy songs are the ones where they set you up to expect a particular bawdy rhyme, then switch it at the last minute. Corny, I know.

The simplest and corniest of that genre is the cheerleader's yell:

Rah rah ree, kick 'em in the knee
Rah rah rass, kick 'em in the other knee!

But one of my favorites is Sweet Violets, part of which goes:

There once was a farmer who took a young miss
In back of the barn where he gave her a
Lecture on horses and chickens and eggs,
And told her that she had such beautiful
Manners that suited a girl of her charms,
A girl that he wanted to take in his
Washing and ironing and then, if she did,
They could get married and raise lots of

Chorus:
Sweet violets, sweeter than the roses,
Covered all over from head to toe,
Covered all over with sweet violets.

----- The old English folk song "Two Magicians" is a chasing-and-wooing sort of song but never really mentions sex.

I second the above vote for "My Husband Has No Courage In Him" which cracks me up.

I have a book called "The Erotic Muse" which is a collection of bawdy, dirty, and downright filthy folk songs. My second copy is out on loan but if it ever comes back I might be persuaded to sell it (perhaps on ebay?). I paid $8 for it. It's put out by University of Illinois Press.

Alex
O..O
=o=

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST,Joerg
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 10:17 PM

HOME, BOYS, HOME
ALABAMA'S CREW (in the DT)
YARMOUTH TOWN (not to be confused with 'Cruising Down Yarmouth')
THE FOGGY FOGGY DEW (not to be confused with 'THE FOGGY DEW')

Fun

Joerg

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Oversoul
Date: 23 Sep 00 - 10:51 PM

I can't thank you folks enough for all these titles! And by the way..."THE JOLLY BEGGAR" (listening to a version by Planxty as I type this)

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: DanMulligan
Date: 24 Sep 00 - 12:49 AM

"Music, sex, and cookies"

not about getting caught in the act.....it is an homage to the three most important things in life. Dan

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Barbara
Date: 24 Sep 00 - 01:24 AM

Wyowoman, the tune is in Alan of Oz's pretty little red numbers and ABC in the next (or previous) post. If you don't have his conversion program, I can send a MIDI by email. I think I have yours, don't I?
Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: okthen
Date: 24 Sep 00 - 11:02 AM

The clock Winder has already been mentioned. I think the proper title is "THE GERMAN CLOCK WINDER". The first version I heard of this theme was "The German Musicianer" by Harry Cox.

cheers

bill

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Rich(bodhránai gan ciall)
Date: 24 Sep 00 - 12:06 PM

I got permission to post the added verse to Johnny Go Easy.


She drank too much porter and I could not court her
She had one more pint and passed out on the floor
With no wits about her she spewed it all out her
I wish she were sober Like she was before.

Back to chorus


added verse by Mike Nicholsen and Zack Smith

Slán,
Rich

Subject: Lyr Add: RUFUS AND BEVERLY (Mark Graham)^^
From: GUEST,Murray MacLeod
Date: 24 Sep 00 - 12:30 PM

One song guaranteed to get an audience laughing is "Rufus and Beverly", by Mark Graham.

Rufus could play the piano
And he drove an American car
He worked nine to sundown in an office downtown
To save us from nuclear war
Beverly came from Seattle
Played the mouth harp quite well, so they say
She used to write songs in an old-timey style
In hopes she could sell them one day

Rufus and Bev became sweethearts
And nature would not be denied
They did the things lovers do under the covers
As happy as clams at high tide
Then one morning said Rufus to Beverly
As they lay in the fondest embrace
Dear I have to confess with some minor distress
There's an issue I fear we must face

For this body you see here before you
Was once more like yours than like mine
And I sought the compliance of medical science
To change to the sex masculine
Beverly stared back in amazement
Then said "Rufus, don't rue what you've done
For I have surrendered a masculine gender
For this other more feminine one"

So these lovers went back to their passions
And their passions were scarcely diffused
And the knot was soon tied, though deep down inside
They were ever so slightly confused.

Murray (currently writing a bawdy song called "I Can't Reset My Cookie, no Matter How I Try ....."

Subject: Lyr Add: SIT ON MY FACE (Monty Python)
From: Don Firth
Date: 24 Sep 00 - 01:41 PM

Speaking of Eric Idle:

WWW.montypython.net will lead you to a song-lyrics link (including wavetable files that you can play). Some fairly worthy stuff, including

Sit on my face, and tell me that you love me.
I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you, too.
I love to hear you oralize,
When I'm between your thighs;
You blow me away!

Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you.
I'll sit on your face and let my love be truly.
Life can be fine if we both sixty-nine,
And we'll sit on our faces in all sorts of places and play,
'Till we're blown away!

Don't forget to floss--

Don Firth

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: RWilhelm
Date: 24 Sep 00 - 02:01 PM

I'm surprised that no one has mentioned that if you enter @bawdy in the Digitrad Lyric Search you will get links to the lyrics of 252 bawdy songs.

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Elise
Date: 24 Sep 00 - 11:54 PM

Hows about NINE TIMES A NIGHT? Someone posted something recently with the chorus Ben Dover Greek Sailor, which fits the bill, I think.

Subject: Lyr Add: NO BALLS AT ALL (2)^^
From: Khbreit
Date: 25 Sep 00 - 10:17 AM

I once got accused of singing "church songs all night" at an event...so we began to collect "blushers"! I have seen a few of them mentioned here, but here's another couple. Please note: since I learned all of the songs I know from having heard them performed informally, I have no idea who wrote them or the copyright status! I'd be happy to e-mail you lyrics to ones you can't find.

Ma, the Moose and Me (aka The Moose Song) [=I LIKE A MOOSE]
Merrilyn Meg
ROLL YOUR LEG OVER
several versions of Blow The Man Down

NO BALLS AT ALL

Come gather 'round laddies and listen to me
I'll tell you a tale that will fill you with glee
Of a pretty young maiden so fair and so tall
She married a man who had no balls at all

CHORUS:
No balls at all, no balls at all
She married a man who had no balls at all!

The night of her wedding she crept into bed
Her cheeks were so rosy, her arse was so red
She reached for his manhood, his manhood was small
She reached for his balls, but he'd no balls at all

CHORUS

"Mother dear mother now what shall I do?
I've married a man who's unable to screw.
My troubles are many, my pleasures are small
Fore I've married a man who has no balls at all!"

CHORUS

"Daughter dear daughter, now don't feel so bad;
The same it was true when I married your dad.
There's many a young lad who'll answer the call
Of a wife of a man who has no balls at all."

CHORUS

The very wise daughter took mother's advice,
And got herself laid by a man who seemed nice.
And a queer lookin' bastard was born in the fall
To the wife of a man who had no balls at all!

CHORUS

The father was happy, was high as a kite.
The sight of the baby filled him with delight.
'Though its head was too big and its body too small,
It had one thing in common...
NO BALLS AT ALL!

CHORUS

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: TonyK
Date: 25 Sep 00 - 04:00 PM

Khbreit, that was a good reminder. My grandfather used to sing that one after he had had a little too much gin.

I found a good one last year, maybe in the database, a parody of 'ROLLING DOWN TO OLD MAUI' called 'COMING DOWN WITH OLD VD"

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST,Joerg
Date: 25 Sep 00 - 09:06 PM

Khbreit - what tune, for heaven's sake?

Joerg

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST,Howard Eberly
Date: 25 Sep 00 - 11:38 PM

Has anyone mentioned, "(Have some) MADEIRA, M'DEAR"? The Limeliters has a great version on one of their albums.

"Have some Madeira my dear.
I have a small cask of it here.
Once it opened, you know it won't keep.
Please drink it up, it will help you to......sleep."

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Ely
Date: 25 Sep 00 - 11:47 PM

"Twiddly-Aye" (I don't know if it's trad or wrote, but it's got plenty of double-entendres)

"Big Enough for Two" (Jay Ungar/Lyn Hardy)

"THE BONNIE SHIP THE DIAMOND"

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Amos
Date: 25 Sep 00 - 11:57 PM

The all-time classic for this class of song is the ancient THE BALL OF KERRIEMUIR (Kirriemuir?), which can be found in the DT and which I will not venture to quote, leaving you to embarrass yourselves!

I am also partial to "KEEP ON TRUCKIN', MAMA", "A JOLLY YOUNG TINKER FROM LONDON TOWN", and "Wallowing in the Throes of Fornication" which describes the delirious delights of alleycats and hippopotami in the same song!

Finally, a very ribald French ditty called "The Queen's Mouthfuls" discusses a really bawdy evening of activity between the King and Queen Victoria. But unlike the song I will leave the details to your perfervid imaginings!

Regards,

Amos

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Cavia_P
Date: 26 Sep 00 - 12:32 PM

A personal favourite of mine is "The Widow on the Moor" ["THE WIDOW'S PROMISE"] by (IIRC) Mick Ryan.

Chorus Oh the wind blew cold and lonely
All across that widow's moor
and she never ever turned away
A traveller from her door

Most memorable performance was by Elly Ellis and Sarah Grey. It always seemed a popular song with the ladies. :o)
(Allegedly) the inspiration for this song followed a careful study of the Hyte Report.

Cavia_P

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: MMario
Date: 26 Sep 00 - 12:42 PM

I have to ask

Bonnie ship the Diamond? Bawdy?

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Grab
Date: 26 Sep 00 - 12:45 PM

"The Old Morris Van" (by Brier, IIRC, to the tune of "The Black Velvet Band"). [see "THE BLACK BEDFORD VAN"]

Grab.

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Jim Krause
Date: 26 Sep 00 - 02:29 PM

How 'bout DIDDIE WAH DIDDIE as recorded by Blind Blake? Does that fit the bill?

There's a great big mystery
And it sure is worrying me:
This diddie wah diddie,
This diddie wah diddie.
I wish somebody would tell me what "diddie wah diddie" means.

and so forth.

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 26 Sep 00 - 03:13 PM

..and if the 11 minute version of HESITATION BLUES by Gary Davis isn't long enough you have my permission to extend it by one verse (a poor thing but mine own):

I'M not an insurance agent; I'm an insurance agent's son [true]
If you want a great endowment, I can show you one [wishful thinking]

RtS

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST,Petr
Date: 26 Sep 00 - 08:45 PM

I have seen a collection of Robert Burns bawdy songs with titles like "NINE INCH WILL PLEASE A LADY" etc. some of them were quite graphic. (this was a book that a friend had but I'm sure that the lyrics could be found on the web)

ALso at Fiddle Tunes festival this year at Port Townsend two guests were the sons of one of the Stripling Brothers and one tune they did was...

My little girl, when we were married,
and we were going to bed that night,
you put your glasses upon the dresser,
you took the pretty curls from your hair,
you put your false teeth upon the mantle
and your wooden leg on the chair.
My little girl, I'd love to squeeze you
but you were scattered everywhere.

Petr

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Mbo
Date: 26 Sep 00 - 08:50 PM

Too right Petr. I've had the complete Robert Burns collection (all 3 fat volumes) of from my library several times. It's very interesting to learn what all the um...well, 'anatomical' and 'action' phrases are in Scots dialect. One of them has a curse that I sometimes long to use.. "Up your ass wi' a dick o' brass."

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST,jaze
Date: 27 Sep 00 - 01:41 AM

John Prine wrote a funny one called "My Own Best Friend" guess what that's about.

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: rabbitrunning
Date: 27 Sep 00 - 03:10 PM

There's also JOHNNY BE FAIR which is fun. And a girl scout who was a little older than me taught me this one about 1970 in Colorado (although I don't remember all the words!):

One by one, we're having some fun
Up in the bedroom all day and part of the night.

Two by two, he's looking at you
Up in the bedroom etc..

Three by three, he's looking at me.

Four by four, he's closing the door.

There were more verses, up to ten I think, but I can't recall the rhymes!

CD

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Bert
Date: 27 Sep 00 - 04:19 PM

SIZE DOESN'T MATTER

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST,Terry Allan Hall
Date: 27 Sep 00 - 06:25 PM

Michael Martin's "How Can I Get You Off of My Mind (When You're Sitting On My Face" is pretty funny...

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Khbreit
Date: 30 Sep 00 - 10:32 AM

GUEST,Joerg

Dunno the "original tune", my husband just made one up that fit it! I'll try to get some kind of sound file made up of the tune we use (I don't read or write music...that's why I learn new songs from memorizing what I've heard!)

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Sep 00 - 08:44 PM

What about unintentionally humorous songs about sex?

I nominate Paul Anka's "Havin' My Baby" and "One Man Woman" ...both done duet-style with Odia Coates. Gaaack!!! Go, Paul, go!!!

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST,Joerg
Date: 01 Oct 00 - 09:05 PM

Khbreit - I think I can recommend you to take a look at the abc notation and use some freeware utility like abc2midi to turn it into some thing you can listen to. The only knowledge it requires is to identify the tone (i.e. its "name") from the key you hit (e.g. on a piano) or from the note you see on a piece of sheet music. This may be a little euphemistic as there are still other aspects of music, but still - IMHO that's the most advanced opportunity to communicate music to and from listening. Works in both directions, really.

I am especially interested in the tune you are using because when I read those lyrics some special KIND of tune comes to my mind (with many variations possible but it would remain the same kind) and I wonder from what song (songs?) I know it, and I also wonder whether you are thinking of the same.

Joerg

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: celticblues5
Date: 02 Oct 00 - 01:18 AM

I am wondering, along with MM, what am I missing in Bonnie Ship the Diamond?

The Dalliance records have already been mentioned - LOTS of good songs there. [I didn't know there was a third one! I'll have to look for it.] Plus, when you get these, you have a ready-made trivia question for your theatre-fanatic friends - What well-respected older actor once played on a record of bawdy songs? (Alan Arkin)

Saffire introduces Silver Beaver by saying that, since bluesmen have a long tradition of singing about their snakes, roosters, etc., they thought it was time to introduce a FEMALE blues animal into the mix.....;-)

You might see if you can find some of Julia Lee's old recordings too - she was a master (mistress?) of the risque - (eg - "My doorbell ain't been working/my hallway's full of dust/my vestibule is musty/my keyhole's full of rust/but tonight's the night...")

And, of course, you must either start or end the evening with Tom Lehrer's "SMUT" ("I've never quibbled/if it was ribald,")

Subject: Lyr Add: BARRY AND FREDA / LET'S DO IT (V Wood)^^
From: Susanne (skw)
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 04:26 PM

This gem doesn't seem to be in the DT. As far as I'm concerned it is the ultimate humorous sex song!

(THE BALLAD OF) BARRY AND FREDA (LET'S DO IT)
(Victoria Wood)
As recorded on "Victoria Wood Live" (1988)

Freda and Barry sat one night
The sky was clear, the stars were bright
The wind was soft, the moon was up
Freda drained her cocoa cup

She licked her lips, she felt sublime
She switched off Gardener's Question Time
Barry cringed in fear and dread
As Freda grabbed his tie and said

Let's do it, let's do it, do it while the mood is right
I'm feeling appealing, I've really got an appetite
I'm on fire with desire
I could handle half the tenors in the male voice choir
Let's do it, let's do it tonight

But he said
I can't do it, I can't do it, I don't believe in too much sex
This fashion for passion turns us into nervous wrecks
No derision, my decision -
I'd rather watch the Spinners on the television
I can't do it, I can't do it tonight

So she said
Let's do it, let's do it, do it till our hearts go boom
Go native, creative, living in the living room
This folly, it's jolly
Bend me over backwards on my hostess trolley
Let's do it, let's do it tonight

But he said
I can't do it, I can't do it, my heavy-breathing days are gone
I'm older, feel colder, it's other things that turn me on
I'm imploring, I'm boring
Let me read this catalogue on vinyl flooring
I can't do it, I can't do it tonight

So she said
Let's do it, let's do it, have a crazy night of love
I'll strip bare, I'll just wear stilettos and an oven glove
Don't starve a girl of her palaver
Dangle from the wardrobe in your balaclava
Let's do it, let's do it tonight

But he said
I can't do it, I can't do it, I know I'd only get it wrong
Don't angle for me to dangle, my arms have never been that strong
Stop pouting, stop shouting
You know I pulled a muscle when I did that grouting
I can't do it, I can't do it tonight

Let's do it, let's do it, share a night of wild romance
Frenetic, poetic, this could be your last big chance
To quote Milton, to eat Stilton
To roll in gay abandon on the tufted Wilton
Let's do it, let's do it tonight

I can't do it, I can't do it, I've got other little jobs on hand
Don't grouse around the house, I've got a busy evening planned
Stop nagging, I'm flagging
You know as well as I do that the pipes want lagging
I can't do it, I can't do it tonight

Let's do it, let's do it while I'm really in the mood
Three cheers! It's years since I caught you even semi-nude
Get drastic, gymnastic
Wear your baggy Y-fronts with the loose elastic
Let's do it, let's do it tonight

I can't do it, I can't do it, I must refuse to get undressed
I feel silly it's too chilly, to go without my thermal vest
Don't choose me, don't use me
My mother sent a note that says you must excuse me
I can't do it, I can't do it tonight

Let's do it, let's do it, I really absolutely must
I won't exempt you, want to tempt you, want to drive you mad with lust
No caution, just contortions
Smear an avocado on my lower portions
Let's do it, let's do it tonight

I can't do it, I can't do it, it's really not my cup of tea
I'm harassed, embarrassed, I wish you hadn't picked on me
No barter, non-starter
I feel about as sensuous as Jimmy Carter
I can't do it, I can't do it tonight

Let's do it, let's do it, I really want to run amok
Let's wiggle, let's jiggle, let's really make the rafters rock
Be mighty, be flighty
Come and melt the buttons on my flame-proof nightie
Let's do it, let's do it tonight

Let's do it, let's do it, I really want to rant and rave
Let's go, 'cause I know just how I want you to behave
Not bleakly, not meekly,
Beat me on the bottom with the Woman's Weekly
Let's do it, let's do it tonight

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: MMario
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 04:37 PM

THE KNIGHT AND THE UNICORN

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: JennieG
Date: 04 Oct 00 - 02:21 AM

Susanne, I love "Let's Do It" - does it have a tune?

Cheers

JennieG

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST,Dave O'Toole - Gateshead
Date: 04 Oct 00 - 11:38 AM

One of my personal favourites is "BIG O" by Kristina Olsen.

[e-mail]

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Susanne (skw)
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 07:17 PM

Jennie, yes it does. Do you live in the UK? If so, I'm sure you could get a recording by Victoria Wood. I only have a taped performance by Iain MacKintosh which is hilarious but not faultless. It would give you the tune, though. Contact me at [e-mail] if you're still interested. (Or send a PM, of course. I don't use them much, though, because I can't write them offline.)

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST,John Hill
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 08:56 AM

Surely JennieG you already know the tune to "Let's do it" as it's a parody of the old standard of the same name. [LET'S DO IT (LET'S FALL IN LOVE)] Didn't Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers sing it?
My vote goes to "THE WIDOW'S PROMISE" too as mentioned by Cavia P. Mick Ryan always introduces this song by saying he was reading an article in Cosmopolitan in bed one night on women's sexuality. The fact that they have more sexual stamina than men gave him the idea of this marathon between the devil and a widow who lived on the moor. She wins of course. The song is in the DT

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST,Ebor.Fiddler
Date: 03 Dec 10 - 06:48 PM

And then there's all the trad tune titles .. ..... .. .   .. .

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: tritoneman
Date: 03 Dec 10 - 06:58 PM

How about FIRELOCK STILE? Whenever I listen to my old recording of Peter Bellamy singing it I find myself laughing.....

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: alanabit
Date: 12 Mar 11 - 04:06 AM

The Ballad of Barry and Freda - Victoria Wood's parody of "Let's Do It" .

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: autoharpbob
Date: 12 Mar 11 - 07:47 AM

ISABEL MAKES LOVE UPON NATIONAL MONUMENTS - the late great Jake.

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: alanabit
Date: 12 Mar 11 - 07:52 AM

Yes, that was brilliant. Jake Thackray.

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Beer
Date: 12 Mar 11 - 08:04 AM

a few more by John Prine.

LET'S TALK DIRTY IN HAWAIIAN
and
DEAR ABBY

ad

Subject: Lyr Add: NOT PC (D. McFarlane)
From: BusyBee Paul
Date: 12 Mar 11 - 10:52 AM

One from Mudcat's own Hipflask Andy:

Not PC
words and music - D.McFarlane

Frustrated at work by the yet another network crash – and having just read through the 'bawdy' chapter in Kennedy's Folk Song Book, what else was I to do with the afternoon? I don't 'do' comedy, but since I included this in my set (as a spoof) it's gone down so well, I get told off when I don't include it. It's become my most requested song - now I find that VERY disturbing!

Not PC:
As I was once a-walking in me place of work one day
I spied a pretty maiden she unto me did say
'If you've the time and trouble then I will have you stand
And help me with me windows, sir for I could use a hand'

She'd quite a case before her, a lovely monitor screen
The contours of her keyboard were the finest I had seen
I leaned to take a closer look, twas then our eyes did meet
Says she 'Why don't you press control and follow with alt/delete'

Well I'm no expert at this lark in fact I'm quite a dunce
But I can spot an opening, need asking only once
No sooner was I next to her she this to me did say
"I hope you've got your caps lock on, press insert right away!"

She bid me tap on enter oh, now guess then what I found
She had me press on home and then page up and then page down
I scanned her user area, I could hardly believe me eyes
She searched right through me files and made me RAM increase in size!

When I plugged in the modem I could tell she was a sport
For she displayed both parallel and also serial port
Says I, I love your bluescreen, yes now that will do the trick
But just to be quite certain gave her mouse a double click

As her new service provider I gave as much as she could take
But I must shift on out of here, log off now, press escape
'For it is getting late' says I and 'I'm half afraid to ask
But can I save this document? It's time to end the task'

Well, the answer that she gave me – oh, it filled me with surprise
'I see you've now a floppy where you once had a hard drive!
But don't erase your memory for me favour you did earn
And I'll be waiting here for you, should ever you return'

I'd opened up her folder, I'd surfed a little while
She'd been desperate for a defrag, her connection I had dialled
We'd scrolled around for hours but now a thought's filled me with fear
I'll have to have a virus check when I get out of here!


This is available on his "Acoustic Recs" CD but he has now installed an upgrade (Version 1.01) in his live sets!

www.duncanmcfarlane.co.uk

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Joe_F
Date: 12 Mar 11 - 08:51 PM

I have mentioned this tape (The Bawdy Ladies' Book) on several other threads, but it surely belongs here.

Subject: Lyr Add: YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR HAT ON (Randy Newman)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 11:47 AM

YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR HAT ON
Words and music by Randy Newman, 1972.
As recorded by Randy Newman on "Sail Away," 1972.

Baby, take off your coat,
Real slow.
Baby, take off your shoes.
Yeah, I'll take your shoes.
Baby, take off your dress.[*]
Yes, yes, yes.
You can leave your hat on.
You can leave your hat on.
You can leave your hat on.

Go on over there and turn on the light—
No, all the lights.
Come back here; stand on this chair.
That's right.
Raise your arms up to the air.
Shake 'em.
You give me reason to live.
You give me reason to live.
You give me reason to live.
You give me reason to live.

Suspicious minds are talkin',
Tryin' to tear us apart.
They say that my love is wrong,
They don't know what love is.
They don't know what love is.
They don't know what love is.
They don't know what love is.
I know what love is.

[Covered by Etta James, 1974; Joe Cocker, 1986; and several others.]
[* When Etta James sang this, she sang "take off that mess."]

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: oldhippie
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 02:52 PM

RUFUS AND BEVERLY by Mark Graham; it's in the DT.

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Mrrzy
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 04:54 PM

THE YEOMAN OF KENT, or pretty much anything bawdy by either Ed McCurdy or Oscar Brand...

I never liked the tinker song. Don't know why.

Subject: Lyr Add: I NEVER DO ANYTHING TWICE (S Sondheim)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 05:56 PM

WyoWoman mentioned this and posted partial lyrics on 23-Sep-2000:


I NEVER DO ANYTHING TWICE
Words and music by Stephen Sondheim, 1976.
As sung by Millicent Martin on "Side by Side by Sondheim" (Original London Cast Recording)

1. When I was young and simple—I don't recall the date—
I met a handsome captain of the guard.
He visited my chambers one evening very late,
In tandem with a husky St. Bernard.
At first, I was astonished, and tears came to my eyes,
But later, when I asked him to resume,
He said, to my surprise: "My dear, it isn't wise.
Where love is concerned, one must freshen the bloom.

CHORUS: "Once, yes, once for a lark.
Twice, though, loses the spark.
One must never deny it,
But after you try it,
You vary the diet."
Said my handsome young guard:
"Yes, I know that it's hard.
Still, no matter how nice,
I never do anything twice.
Unh-unh-unh-unh-unh-unh-unh."

2. I think about the baron who came at my command
And proffered me a riding crop and chains.
The evening that we shared was meticulously planned.
He took the most extraordinary pains!
He trembled with excitement; his cheeks were quite aglow,
And afterwards he cried to me: "Encore!"
He pleaded with me so to have another go.
I murmured caressingly: "Whatever for?

CHORUS: "Once, yes, once is a lark.
Twice, though, loses the spark.
Once, yes, once is delicious,
But twice would be vicious,
Or just repetitious.
Someone's bound to be scarred.
Yes, I know that it's hard.
Still, no matter the price,
I never do anything twice.
Unh-unh-unh-unh-unh-unh-unh."

3. And then there was the abbot who worshiped at my feet
And dressed me in a wimple and in veils.
He made a proposition which I found rather sweet,
And handed me a hammer and some nails.
In time, we lay contented and he began again
By fingering the beads around our waists.
I whispered to him then: "We'll have to say 'Amen,'
For I have developed more catholic tastes.

CHORUS: "Once, yes, once for a lark.
Twice, though, loses the spark."
As I said to the abbot,
"I'll get in the habit,
But not in the habit.
You've my highest regard,
And I know that it's hard.
Still, no matter the vice,
I never do anything twice.

CHORUS: "Once, yes, once can be nice.
Love requires some spice.
If you've something in view,
Something to do,
Totally new,
I'll be there in a trice,
But I never do anything twice,
Except—
No, I never do anything twice."

[Written by Sondheim for the film The Seven-Per-Cent Solution (1976), where it was called "The Madame's Song", it was later retitled "I Never Do Anything Twice" and used in the musical revue "Side by Side by Sondheim" (1976).

[Bebe Neuwirth sings this excellently on her album "Porcelain" (2011) under the title "The Madame Song."]

Subject: Lyr Add: BIG THING (Duran Duran)
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 15 Jan 17 - 01:04 AM

Big Thing
by: Duran-Duran -1988

Get it up get it out get it in time
Hang it up hanging out hanging on a big thing
Move it in move it out move up the line
Bang it up bang it out banging on a big thing

Brothers and sisters let me hear it
Get it up get it on get it in time
Give me the green light and watch me move it
Move it up move it out move up the line
This is temptation power rotation
Give me the friction and watch me make it
Make it up making out making it slide

So glad you came along
This time you won't be wrong
You love to turn it on
And you're not the only one

Brothers and sisters, we can take it
Shake it up shake it out shake it all the time
Give me the suction we can stick it
Lick it up suck it up stick it outside
This is temptation (station)
Power rotation (to station)
Give me the playlist and watch me eat it
Eat it up beat it up beat it in time

So glad you came along
This time you won't be wrong
You love to turn it on
And you're not the only one

Get it up get it out get it in time
Hang it up hanging out hanging on a big thing
Move it in move it out move up the line
Bang it up bang it out banging on a big thing

Get it up get it out get it in time
Hang it up hanging out hanging on a big thing
Move it in move it out move up the line
Bang it up bang it out banging on a big thing

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 15 Jan 17 - 01:13 AM

In the Mudcat "Rugby" song thread:

GET IT UP, GET IT IN
Melody - Bonanza Theme

rr
Get it up, get it in, get it out don't mess my hair do
You've got a dick but you should lick, move that tongue around
Hit the spot, make me hot
I will scream out loud

Get it up, get it in, get it out don't mess my hair do
You've got a dick but you should lick, move that tongue
around Suck my toes, insert your hose
Make my juices flow

Get it up, get it in, get it out don't mess my hair do
You've got a dick but you should lick, move that tongue around
When I am done and I have cum
We'll start another round

Get it up, get it in, get it out don't mess my hair do
You've got a dick but you should lick, move that tongue around.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: Lyr Add: SEX AIDS FROM AMSTERDAM
From: Rusty Dobro
Date: 15 Jan 17 - 04:00 AM

Or there's this, from the late, lamented Monty Parkin:

SEX AIDS FROM AMSTERDAM

When it's spring again I'll bring again
Sex aids from Amsterdam
Tulips just won't do, I'll bring to you
Sex aids from Amsterdam.
I can't wait until the day I fill
these empty arms of mine,
Like the windmill keeps gyrating,
so the coach will be vibrating
From the suitcase where I cram
All these sex aids from Amsterdam

When it's spring again I'll bring again
Sex aids from Amsterdam,
Once I've done the view I'll buy some new
Sex aids from Amsterdam.
I can't wait until I pay the bill
and fill up these bags of mine,
Like the windmill keeps on whirling,
that's how your toes will be curling,
When I stand there spreading jam
on a sex aid from Amsterdam.

When it's spring again I'll bring again
Sex aids from Amsterdam,
From my bargain break, back home I'll take
Sex aids from Amsterdam.
I can't wait until I try the drill
with these new toys of mine,
Like the windmill keeps revolving
all our problems I'll be solving,
It looks fun in the diagram,
with these sex aids from Amsterdam.

This one weighs a kilogram,
It's a sex aid from Amsterdam.
I'll bring sex aids from Amsterdam.

Subject: Lyr Add: TOO CLOSE TOGETHER (Sonny Boy Williamson
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 18 May 17 - 08:19 PM

Oversoul mentioned this. Sonny Boy Williamson recorded two versions of this song. From the sound, I think the first of these is the earlier one:


TOO CLOSE TOGETHER
As recorded by Sonny Boy Williamson [II]

I. 2.36 – from the album "King Biscuit Time" (2000):

Well, you take back in the year nineteen an' forty-four:
I had two fine chicks lived right door-to-door.
They were too close together.
Yeah, too close together.
It was too close together, man, but that was the best that I could do.

Well, I woke up early one mornin' to make a 'fore-day creep.
[By the] Time I knocked on the door the other girl was lookin' at me.
It was too close together.
Yeah, they was too close together.
It was too close together, but that was the best that I could do.

Well, I slipped in the back door to get me a little toddy(?).
Before I could walk out the door, she knowed all about it.
It was too close together.
Yeah, it was too close together.
I know it was too close together, but that was the best that I could do.

II. 2:10 or 2:12 - from the albums "Ninety Nine" (2017) and "The Essential Sonny Boy Williamson" (1993)

I had two fine chicks, lived both on the same street.
Too much love, and the time couldn't be beat.
It was too close together.
Yes, man, they lived too close together.
Yeah, they was so close together, that I couldn't see one for the other.

Early one Sunday mornin' they both would go to church.
I tried to slip one out, but I see it just won't work.
It was too close together.
Yeah, they was too close together.
I know it was too close together, an' I couldn't see one for the other.

Got up early one mornin', thought I was makin' a 'fore-day creep.
Time I knocked on her door, the other girl says: "Is you lookin' for me?"
They was too close together.
Oh, yeah, they was too close together.
I know it was too close together, an' I couldn't see one for seein' the other.

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: FreddyHeadey
Date: 19 May 17 - 04:22 AM

Mango
Earl Okin
https://youtu.be/k4LjTqMjNho

Subject: Lyr Add: YOU LEFT ME SORE (Todd Rundgren)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 20 May 17 - 10:25 PM

The Beanster suggested this back on 22-Sep-2000:


YOU LEFT ME SORE
Written by Todd Rundgren
As recorded by Todd Rundgren on "Something/Anything?" (1972)

Love is infectious and I was a victim,
The worst case you'd ever see,
But still I know no doctor or nurse
Could cure what you gave to me.

CHORUS: 'Cause you
Really, you left me sore,
Really left me sore, now, baby.
You messed me up for sure and I don't mean maybe,
'Cause you really left me sore.

You didn't tell me and I didn't ask,
So there's nobody left to blame
But still I know no place I can go
That helps to relieve the pain. CHORUS

Now I know no good ever comes
From love on a one-night stand. CHORUS TWICE

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: kendall
Date: 21 May 17 - 08:07 PM

An ex once asked me to sing the dirtiest song I know. She never asked for the sequel.   old downeast saying, "If you know the dog bites..."

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Jason Xion Wang
Date: 22 May 17 - 04:04 AM

Tom Paxton's BOBBITT

Bob Gibson's "Pussy in Heaven"

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 22 May 17 - 06:36 AM

Here's another for you from the UK.

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: leeneia
Date: 22 May 17 - 12:26 PM

Re: YOU LEFT ME SORE. What's humorous about contracting an STD?

I don't think I have ever encountered a truly humorous song about sex. Snide, yes. Mean, yes. Smarmy, yes.

Sex can be magical; it can be horrible. It can be affectionate; it can be tiresome. But it's never humorous. It is fraught with emotion and conveys hazard. It means too much.

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST,Bob Coltman
Date: 22 May 17 - 04:22 PM

I skimmed the thread and may have missed, but didn't find:

WILL THE WEAVER = EVERY DAY DIRT = Jumpin' and Jerkin' Blues
&
FIVE NIGHTS DRUNK (OUR GOODMAN), from which comes:

What's that head a-doin' there [in our bed] where my head ought to be? ...
It's nothing but a cabbage head your mama sent to me ...

& much more

=========

And hi, leeneia ... I don't know whether you would disagree ... but for some people, laughter is the only way they can kill off their embarrassment at confronting something so majestic, so threatening as sex (and the danger of love).

To me personally, that's sad! But I've seen it happen a lot. Frat humor, for example. Beyond that, most of the jokes about sex are vulgar and propelled by fear, but people laugh. With a twinge.

Thus the bleak, repellent turn taken in the last verse of the otherwise gentle and in its way humorous song "LITTLE BALL OF YARN"—which is also about STDs.

The only way, evidently, for them to keep from feeling deeply what they can't afford to feel deeply. They see no way to approach sex but to try to shrink its stature and insulate the emotions from it. Thus to somehow (at least appear to) get it under control.

Best wishes, Bob

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Jason Xion Wang
Date: 25 Sep 17 - 11:30 AM

Shel Silverstein's "THE MAN WHO TURNS THE DAMN THING OFF AND ON" and "NOTHING'S REAL ANYMORE" as done by Bob Gibson.

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: GUEST,Tunesmith
Date: 25 Sep 17 - 01:16 PM

I'm sure it's been mentioned already, but Tom Paxton wrote a humorous song involving sex.
He used to introduce the song by saying that there are lots of songs about falling in love, and, also, lots of songs about falling out of love, but, hardly any about the central ground where relatinships are just ticking over.

I can't remember the title..but somebody out there will...

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: BobL
Date: 26 Sep 17 - 04:41 AM

Leenia, I beg to disagree. There is something essentially comic about sex, jokes about it exist in every human culture. Indeed, that very perceptive religious writer C.S.Lewis summed up the "incongruous symbiosis" between romantic and physical love as "one of God's jokes."

"In Eros at times we seem to be flying; Venus gives us the sudden twitch that reminds us we are really captive balloons. It is a continual demonstration of the truth that we are composite creatures, rational animals, akin on one side to the angels, on the other to tom-cats. It is a bad thing not to be able to take a joke ... made, I grant you, at our expense, but also (who doubts it?) for our endless benefit." [The Four Loves]

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: banjoman
Date: 26 Sep 17 - 06:31 AM

From an old Debbie McClatchy LP "YOU WERE ONLY FUCKING, WHILE I WAS MAKING LOVE"
words available if required

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Lighter
Date: 26 Sep 17 - 11:20 AM

C. S. Lewis to his brother, Christmas 1931:

"Bawdy [songs] ought to be outrageous and extravagant.... [They] can [also] be funny through sheer indefensible insolence.

"...Within ... limits I think [bawdry] is a good and wholesome genre: though I can't help feeling sorry that it should be the only living folk-art left to us."

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Lighter
Date: 26 Sep 17 - 11:25 AM

The song that prompted Lewis's appreciative remarks was "One-Eyed Riley." [see REILLY'S DAUGHTER]

Subject: RE: Humorous Sex Songs
From: Jason Xion Wang
Date: 26 Sep 17 - 03:22 PM

Tunesmith, the song you referred to is "NOT TONIGHT, MARIE", a hilarious song done in a Broadway-esque style.

Bob Gibson has a song basically on the same theme, called "I'd Love to Love You (But Your Time Is Just a Little Off)". I don't think it's ever released to the public.