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Song Challenge! Part 41

Áine 03 Oct 00 - 10:14 AM
katlaughing 03 Oct 00 - 10:27 AM
Áine 03 Oct 00 - 10:34 AM
mousethief 03 Oct 00 - 10:42 AM
MMario 03 Oct 00 - 10:42 AM
SINSULL 03 Oct 00 - 11:29 AM
GUEST,Wailin' Blind Wombat Joe Keeler 03 Oct 00 - 11:43 AM
MMario 03 Oct 00 - 11:47 AM
Dharmabum 03 Oct 00 - 12:36 PM
Áine 03 Oct 00 - 12:37 PM
Micca 03 Oct 00 - 02:03 PM
Bradypus 03 Oct 00 - 06:47 PM
Micca 03 Oct 00 - 06:55 PM
Áine 03 Oct 00 - 07:08 PM
Micca 03 Oct 00 - 07:19 PM
Micca 03 Oct 00 - 07:30 PM
Áine 03 Oct 00 - 07:33 PM
Micca 03 Oct 00 - 07:50 PM
Dharmabum 03 Oct 00 - 08:01 PM
Micca 03 Oct 00 - 08:09 PM
Áine 03 Oct 00 - 08:16 PM
Tinker 03 Oct 00 - 08:18 PM
Áine 03 Oct 00 - 08:21 PM
McGrath of Harlow 03 Oct 00 - 08:48 PM
MMario 03 Oct 00 - 09:10 PM
Amos 03 Oct 00 - 09:31 PM
Áine 03 Oct 00 - 09:59 PM
GUEST,Bardford 03 Oct 00 - 11:57 PM
Mbo 04 Oct 00 - 12:05 AM
Áine 04 Oct 00 - 12:28 AM
Áine 04 Oct 00 - 12:38 AM
Lonesome EJ 04 Oct 00 - 02:03 AM
GUEST,micca at work 04 Oct 00 - 04:58 AM
GUEST,micca at work 04 Oct 00 - 04:58 AM
Dharmabum 04 Oct 00 - 07:09 AM
Áine 04 Oct 00 - 09:52 AM
Áine 05 Oct 00 - 08:16 AM
Dharmabum 05 Oct 00 - 09:11 AM
Lox 05 Oct 00 - 11:09 AM
mousethief 05 Oct 00 - 11:18 AM
Micca 05 Oct 00 - 01:12 PM
Áine 05 Oct 00 - 01:51 PM
Micca 05 Oct 00 - 02:09 PM
MMario 05 Oct 00 - 02:20 PM
GUEST,Bardford 05 Oct 00 - 02:24 PM
MMario 05 Oct 00 - 02:32 PM
McGrath of Harlow 05 Oct 00 - 02:56 PM
Áine 05 Oct 00 - 06:46 PM
GUEST,Ephemera Globula 05 Oct 00 - 07:05 PM
Áine 06 Oct 00 - 08:22 AM
SharonA 17 Aug 01 - 12:55 PM
Áine 18 Aug 01 - 06:52 PM
Jack the Sailor 20 Aug 01 - 02:10 PM
Aidan Crossey 05 Sep 01 - 07:45 AM
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Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Áine
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 10:14 AM

OK, Challenge!rs -- Wipe those breads crumbs off your faces and let's go dancing! This Challenge! idea comes from our own Bert, and I guess we'll all know now what he does when he's not slaving over a hot keyboard ;-) AND could our own McGrath of Harlow be moonlighting under another name? Ah, the possibilities of this Challenge! abound *BG*. Note: I expect all entries from you wonderful Challenge!rs to remain tasteful(!) and above board -- So, here we go:

But I Want To Get To Know You... -- (Hove, East Sussex, England) A lapdancing club has applied to the local council for a variance to its licence to allow blind patrons to touch performers.

The Pussycats Club in Hove complained that the strict no touching clause in its current licence discriminates against the blind. Kenneth McGrath, director of the club, took up the issue with Brighton and Hove council after two blind men visited Pussycats with a stag party of sighted friends.

They wanted to touch the girls, explaining that, if they could, it would give them a better idea of what the exotic dancers looked like. The club's licence forbids any physical contact between dancers and guests except when customers feel the need to place banknotes in the dancer's garters.

Mr McGrath said: "Both men said they very much enjoyed the dances and sensed highly the proximity of the dancers and, in particular, enjoyed the smell of their perfume. Given their disability, they felt controlled touching ought to be permitted for registered blind persons only and with the dancer's consent (and) that touching should be voluntary and restricted to the breasts and only when the dancer is wearing a bra and not topless. The dancer would retain full control, taking one hand of the blind customer and placing it on her breasts while dancing for an agreed time."

A council spokesman said: "We would consider any application for a variance of the lapdancing licence once we receive it."

Go for it, Challenge!rs!!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: katlaughing
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 10:27 AM

I'm blind, you see
He said to me
White cane in his hand.

A line of men
From end to end
Come to "cop" a feel.

They'd heard, you know
Of rule bent low
Abreast of fashion.

Whole town gone blind
Well, one sort of kind
Men sudden stricken!

Return to breast
A promised rest
We knew we had them!

Arrggghhhh, Aine, it has been too long...I look forward to reading the entries of those who can really do this! It will be a fun one!

luvyakat


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Áine
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 10:34 AM

Dear mehitabel -- What a wunnerful first entry! It almost undulated off the screen ;-) I love it - thanks for being the first to jump up on stage and strut your stuff!! *LOL*

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: mousethief
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 10:42 AM

LOL! Lardy, where do you find these things?

Touch
(to the tune of "Tush" by ZZTop)

I've been blind -- a long time
Take my word, -- I ain't lyin'
I ain't askin' for much
But when I go to dance clubs
I can't look I gotta touch

Buncha guys, -- me an' my buds
Went on down to -- Pussycats Club
I ain't askin' for much
I like to smell that pur-fume
But I can't look I gotta touch

They got some -- stupid law "Keep to yourself -- both your paws"
I ain't askin' for much
But when I go to dance clubs
I can't look I gotta touch

Discrimina -- tion's not fair
Let them keep on their -- underwea----r
I ain't askin' for much
But you gotta change that bad law
I can't look I gotta touch.

©2000 Alex E. Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

-------

Definitely looking forward to this one!

Alex
O..O
=o=


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: MMario
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 10:42 AM

Hands On Entertainment*

I'm a red blooded male
both hearty and hale
And fluent in all kinds of braille

when I go out at night,
I "see" all the sights
With either my left hand or right

At Brighton and Hove,
there's a club now, By Jove!
That caters to my kind of cove

The dancers are pretty
and they felt it right shitty
that I would sit there in the dark

Now their license permits
while in there I sit
for my hands to "look" at their tits!

*somewhat to the tune of "Five dollar fine for whineing"


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 11:29 AM

And I thought Bert was wearing those dark glasses because of cataract surgery.....
Very strange - you can't touch in a strip club but it's open season on breasts every day on the subway.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: GUEST,Wailin' Blind Wombat Joe Keeler
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 11:43 AM

Curvaceous Wimmin

Curvaceous Wimmin

(Tune: Honky Tonk Angels)

 

I couldn't tell your form when you wuz dancing

An' I couldn't read yer number, for the phone

But there's somethin' I jes' gots to tell you

So I wrote it in the words of this song

 

Cho:

Ah diddn' know Gawd made curvaceous wimmin

Ah been blinder'n a bat since I was new

Praise the Lord that they now allow touching!

Cuz it let me use my Braille techniques on you!

 

I was drawn inter yore club by all the music

And the laughing and the smells seemed pretty fine

And it weren't no darker than whut Ah was used to,

An' as I sat there I had one thing on my mind

 

(Cho)

 

 

Well, I heard the City Council got enlightened

An' took pity on the poor folks who is blind

So Ah called out for the pretty dancer, Sookie

Cuz that one thing sure was heavy on my mind!

 

(Cho)

 

Now Miss Sookie she was glad to be obligin'

An' she came up close an' whispered sweet an' more;

But when I set to learn some more about her,

Well, I nearly dropped poor Sookie on the floor! 'Cuz…

 

(Cho)

 

Now, Ah'm getting used to this great revelation!

An' I think I like the new perspective more.

Cuz there's something but them gentle curves pneumatic

Which will always call me back, dear, to your door!

 

 

(Cho)

 

An' Miss Sookie, well she says that she adores me,

Jes' as long as I will shout her one now an' then.

An' she says she thinks my Braille investigations

Are much better than she gets from other men!

 

(Cho)

 

 

 


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: MMario
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 11:47 AM

*applause*


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Dharmabum
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 12:36 PM

Tastefull AND above board ? Oh the PRESSURE !!!!!!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Áine
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 12:37 PM

Wow!! What a great start to Challenge! 41 -- I must say I am impressed ;-)

Here's the first Silver B.L.O.B.s of the day, and well deserved, too --

To kat for:

Return to breast
A promised rest
We knew we had them!

To mousethief for:

They got some -- stupid law
"Keep to yourself -- both your paws"
I ain't askin' for much
But when I go to dance clubs
I can't look I gotta touch

To MMario (you bad boy *BG*) for:

I'm a red blooded male
both hearty and hale
And fluent in all kinds of braille

when I go out at night,
I "see" all the sights
With either my left hand or right

And to Wailin' Blind Wombat Joe Keeler, (plus a big welcome, welcome, welcome for yourself and your fantastic first time ever Challenge! entry) for:

Now Miss Sookie she was glad to be obligin'
An' she came up close an' whispered sweet an' more;
But when I set to learn some more about her,
Well, I nearly dropped poor Sookie on the floor!

Well done, folks! Can't wait to see what the other usual suspects come up with!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Micca
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 02:03 PM

The blind man declared whats the fuss
This new club is just right for us
We're just thrilled to bits
By a feel of her tits
But actually, I came on the bus


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Bradypus
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 06:47 PM

Blind John

In old Hove town they do lap dancing
Pussycats' club's the place to go
I love to go there for a party
Do I see much? The answer's no
O No, John, No John, No John, No

The reason I can't see the dancers
If you really want to know
I've been blind since I was born
So these sights I must forgo
O No, John, No John, No John, No

I can hear the music playing
Bold and brassy, soft and slow
I can swell sweet perfume wafting
I can sense the girls' warm glow
O No, John, No John, No John, No

Hove Town Council has a ruling
Men can look, but must not touch
I can't see, it's so frustrating
A quick feel would mean so much
O No, John, No John, No John, No

Sir, you know, I have a garter
On my thigh it's tied around
That you are allowed to touch sir
To deposit twenty pound
Else No, John, No John, No John, No !

Madam, bless you for your garter
Tied somewhere above your knee
If my hand should miss the garter
Would you think it amiss of me ?
O No, John, No John, No John, No

So with banknote in my hand, I
Stretched and had a grope around
Felt her bosom, felt her body
Felt her all for twenty pound!
O No, John, No John, No John, No

All my friends with indignation
Have another point of view
Try to claim discrimination -
They would like to feel her too
O No, John, No John, No John, No


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Micca
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 06:55 PM

ROTFLMAO, Bradypus BRILL!!!!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Áine
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 07:08 PM

Bradypus strokes, uh, I mean strikes again! I'm down on the floor with Micca about this one! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B., Dear Mr. B., for:

So with banknote in my hand, I
Stretched and had a grope around
Felt her bosom, felt her body
Felt her all for twenty pound!

And Micca, my darlin', it's been awhile since we traded verses; so, if I write another, will you add one to it, and so on, until we come up with a grand collaboration? Here's my first offer:

But sir, said Sue on the Swing,
You don't know what your token will bring,
For it's hot when I dance, even without my pants,
And that's such a nice cool little thing!

Now it's your turn, Micca... ;-)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Micca
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 07:19 PM

The music and perfume-like soap
are filling my heart full of hope
but the miserable gits
That in the town hall sits
won't relax and let me have a grope

line breaks fixed by a mud elf


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Micca
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 07:30 PM

OOOPS!!!! forgot the line breaks
The music and perfume-like soap
are filling my heart full of hope
but the miserable gits
That in the town hall sits
won't relax and let me have a grope


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Áine
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 07:33 PM

Hee hee hee -- this is gonna be gooood...

Alas, said a tall buxom lass,
Them councilors really are crass,
When they're in here, you know,
Their noses do grow,
And they've been known to beat their own brass!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Micca
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 07:50 PM

as upwards her knickers upwards did sail
he was running his hands o'er her tail
he said oh my dear
the spots on your rear
spell dirty old man here in Braille


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Dharmabum
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 08:01 PM

THE BALLAD OF SAL THE BLIND MANS PAL

Sit down and a tale I will tell you,
About a night at the Pussycat Club,
Where the dancing's exotic,
Tho it soon turned erotic,
When some blind men played fondle & rub.

The Cat was well known for their dancing,
The usual bump and the grind,
And the girls were quite willing,
For a banknote or shilling,
To show off a little behind.

Now Sal was a girl of compassion,
Clearly the favorite lass,
She was very big busted,
And quite well adjusted,
For a girl that was showing her ass.

This night Sal was dancing as usual,
A lapdance, A wiggle, A shake,
She moved through the crowd,
Where no touching's allowed,
It's the law here,so make no mistake.

Then she saw them there in the corner,
Two men with no vision or sight,
She felt it her duty,
That they share in her booty,
She must turn this injustice to right.

As she sauntered so slowly on towards them,
Her attributes swayed in the breeze,
And she knew that tonight,
She would make it alright,
And give them a special striptease.

Then she took each gent by the hand,
And she placed them close to her heart,
Though their digits were freezing,
She could tell she was pleasing,
By the rise from their private part.

Now Sal & her boss went to council,
Said these laws are outdated,appeal'um,
Change the laws in the book,
For the men that can't look,
Even though they can't see they can feel'um.

Now word spread of Sal's selfless gesture,
Some say sainthood can't be far behind,
And they're all sure to tip her,
That kindhearted stripper,
She is surely a very rare find.

If you go to the Pussycat clubhouse,
You'll be among a rather large crowd,
Cause she'll sure give it up,
For a seeing eye pup,
For the blind man, now touching's allowed.

Ron.

line breaks added by a mud elf who's still shakkkkking...


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Micca
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 08:09 PM

Said the Blonde as she bared her behind
A thought has just crossed my mind
We've a problem I fear
With the Pussy in here
And his seeing eye dog for the blind


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Áine
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 08:16 PM

Right back at ya, darlin' --

Oh Micca, you dirty ol' man,
If you'll follow the dots with your hand,
You'll 'see' that they spell,
In big letters as well,
'If you liked the foothills, the mountains are swell!'

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Tinker
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 08:18 PM

I'VE GOT WHAT IT TAKES



I've got what it takes, and it breaks my heart that blind men can't see
It's in demand and it's something that's commanding a fee
I've been saving it up for a mighty long time
To miss your sweet way would be more than a crime
I'll take your hand, You feel my nibs
And all of your small change shall I get

If you can look in my bankbook, I'll never let you feel my purse
Daddy, take your hands away, I believe in blindmen first
Now you want my honey and it's my plan
To save it all for a real blind man
I've got what it takes and it breaks my heart that blindmen can't see


With apologies to Virginia Liston and Clarence Williams


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Áine
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 08:21 PM

C'mon Micca, give me a chance here...

'But the Pussy has had all its shots,'
Said the lass with the shiny brass pots,
'If your puppy gets sniffy,'
'I'll fix that in a jiffy,'
'Cuz I've petted wee pooches, a lot!'

(So there!)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 08:48 PM

Quite another branch of the family. Probably a benighted Scotsman, with a name like Kenneth. And in Hove! Brighton you could understand, but in Hove they are said to be highly respectable.

Perhaps a new version of the Quartermaster's Stores? O- or as the DT calls it QUARTERMASTER CORPS.

Anyway the chorus goes well - "My eyes are dim, I cannot see, I have not brought my specs with me, I have not brought my specs with me."

There were girls there,
they were very very bare
in the raw,
in the raw,
There were girls there,
they were very very bare
they were dancing in the raw.
My eyes are dim, I cannot see,
I have not brought my specs with me,
I have not brought my specs with me.

There was one chap
with a lady in his lap,
to be sure,
to be sure,
And since he
found it very hard to see,
he touched here on the raw
My eyes are dim, I cannot see,
I have not brought my specs with me,
I have not brought my specs with me.

And she said see,
you're acting rather free
and what's more,
and what's more,
if you touch me
that's a bleeding liberty, and it's dead against the law My eyes are dim, I cannot see,
I have not brought my specs with me,
I have not brought my specs with me.

That's a shame miss, but if that's the way it is to be sure, be demure, but it's not much to cop a little touch and it makes me more secure. My eyes are dim, I cannot see,
I have not brought my specs with me,
I have not brought my specs with me.

So she says "See,
if it was down to me,
I'd say sure, let's have your paw,
but in Hove here
the rules are very clear,
we'd lose our licence, that's for sure!"
My eyes are dim, I cannot see,
I have not brought my specs with me,
I have not brought my specs with me.

But the boss called,
a bloke at City Hall,
"It's not fair,
it's not fair,
I think we
should let him feel if he can't see,
we want equality in here.
His eyes are dim, he cannot see,
let's have a touch of liberty,
let's have a touch of liberty."


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: MMario
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 09:10 PM

fantastic! this topic did bring out some talent!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Amos
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 09:31 PM

Gee, Miz Aine, Ah aint nivver had no reee-ward before! Only other time I got a silver blob was the time I wuz riggin' oil-lines down from Fairbanks, an' dropped in to an Eskimo lap-dancin' place! Or maybe it was a Lapp Eskimo dancin place. Anyway I hed one of them there blobs when I woke up, but I like yer 'n better cuz of how I know how I came to get it, and that weren't true the other time....

Wiv best regards alwayzzz,

Wailin' Blind Wombat Joe Keeler


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Áine
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 09:59 PM

Ah, c'mon there, Wailin' Joe, like I couldn't tell who you really wuz from yer formattin'! *BG*

And here's some more Silver B.L.O.B.s for you well deserving Challenge!rs:

To Dharmabum for:

Now Sal was a girl of compassion,
Clearly the favorite lass,
She was very big busted,
And quite well adjusted,
For a girl that was showing her ass.

To Tinker for:

If you can look in my bankbook, I'll never let you feel my purse
Daddy, take your hands away, I believe in blindmen first
Now you want my honey and it's my plan
To save it all for a real blind man
I've got what it takes and it breaks my heart that blindmen can't see

And to McGrath of Harlow (or his 'beknighted' cousin, Kenneth) for:

And she said see,
you're acting rather free
and what's more,
and what's more,
if you touch me
that's a bleeding liberty, and it's dead against the law
My eyes are dim, I cannot see,
I have not brought my specs with me,
I have not brought my specs with me.

Simply BRILLIANT, every one of you!! And MMario, I quite agree, this one has brought out the talent!

-- Aine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: GUEST,Bardford
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 11:57 PM

My seeing eye cat was at the computer giggling, so I had to see what the fuss was about. Gee whiskers, I must say I am impressed with the quality and expedititity of the creativity here in these threads. Being short on original ideas myself, I unabashadly plagiarized a song about a blind pinball player, who, coincidentally, might quite possibly have lived near, or heard of, Hove, if he was indeed an actual historical figure.My deepest and sincerest apologies to Peter Townsend, whose work deserves better.

Ever since I was a young boy
I've watched strippers short and tall
From Soho down to Brighton
I must have seen them all
But I ain't seen nothin like it
In any burlesque hall
That Hove, East Sussex blind guy
Sure gets to have a ball

He sits down at the table
The dancers do the rest
They take his lucky hands
And hold them to their breasts
The sighted ones among us
Get no such treat at all
That Hove, East Sussex blind guy
Sure gets to have a ball

He's a smiling blind man
It's just a little much
We can only look
But he's allowed to touch

Why does he get to do that?
(I don't know)
What makes him so good?

An act of legislation
Signed in Hove Council Hall
Allows unsighted persons
To experience it all
Their retinal cells malfunction
So the fingers get the call
That Hove, East Sussex blind guy
Sure gets to have a ball

The dancer is not threatened
Nay, she's happily alive
When he puts a hundred in her garter
Thinking its a five

Now all of the fellows
Are having their eyes checked
The local ophthalmologists
Are professionally perplexed
Not a patient read the eyechart
With any success at all
Now all the men in Hove
Sure get to have a ball

So we're smiling blind men
It's just a little much
Looking is so dreary
When you're allowed to touch


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Mbo
Date: 04 Oct 00 - 12:05 AM

Bardford, that was EXCELLENT!!! Unabashedly plagiarized? NEVER! It's called a parody, my friend, and you are a master!

--Matt (who loves classic rock & classic rock Song Challenge! parodies)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Áine
Date: 04 Oct 00 - 12:28 AM

Dear Bardford,

I agree with Mbo -- You've written a classic Challenge! parody there! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

Now all of the fellows
Are having their eyes checked
The local ophthalmologists
Are professionally perplexed
Not a patient read the eyechart
With any success at all
Now all the men in Hove
Sure get to have a ball

Congrats!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Áine
Date: 04 Oct 00 - 12:38 AM

Well, from the 'heights' of Hove, we're gonna take a little trip to a local spot here in Texas that just happens to have the same name . . .

Uncle Charlie's Big Night Out
(Tune: Sweet Betsy From Pike)

Well, back in East Texas we got us a place,
Called the Pussycat Club, where you don't show your face,
Go in with dark glasses, white cane and a dog,
And for twenties and fifties, they'll put on the hog.

Uncle Charlie turned 90, and was in quite a snit,
His eyes had grown dim, he'd slowed down quite a bit,
We all decided to give him a treat,
A trip with his hands that just couldn't be beat.

There was Candy from Tyler, who smelled oh so sweet,
And curved from her earlobes to her shapely feet,
Once Charlie had visited her every corner,
He grinned ear-to-ear just like ole Jack Horner.

Then Kelly from Kilgore thrust her big ones in,
Candy fell over Charlie, which caused such a din,
Well, Uncle he grabbed at both sides with each hand,
And from the looks in their eyes, there'd be no reprimand.

Nan from Nacogdoches brought in Lil from Longview,
These frisky fillies always did things in twos,
On both sides they jiggled and got Charlie upright,
He no longer regretted the loss of his sight!

Well, Belle was the girl who ended the fuss,
She danced up to Charlie, and grasping his truss,
Said, 'Come home with me, darlin', I've got your gold ticket,'
'I'm the girl of your dreams from deep in the Big Thicket.'

The last time we saw Charlie, he was in Big Belle's arms,
Content, he lay back in the expanse of her charms,
She bent down and whispered, and tugged his goatee,
And he answered, laughing, 'Of course I can see!'


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 04 Oct 00 - 02:03 AM

When I walked in the room
I could smell her perfume
And the odor it cut like a knife
And though I couldn't be sure
When I put my hands to her
She felt like my best friend's ex-wife

Chorus: She felt like my best friend's ex-wife
It gave me the shock of my life
I said to her "Joan
Why'd you leave Jim alone
And fill his existence with strife?"

I said "this can't be real
Who'd guess that I'd feel
An old friend like you in this place?"
When she made not a sound
I felt really down
And she slapped me right in the face

Cho:

It's been years since I touched her, but
I can't forget her, but
I never said one word to Jim
She's a smooth operator
But I just can't blame'er
I can't see what she saw in him

Cho:


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: GUEST,micca at work
Date: 04 Oct 00 - 04:58 AM

If we are going to be properly correct it is called "Hove, actually" according to a friend who lives in Brighton (of which Hove is a sort of Posh suburb). It arises from (and he believed it was the correct name ofr the area for a long time, its use was so wide spread) if you asked someone if they were from Brighton they replied "Hove ,actually"


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: GUEST,micca at work
Date: 04 Oct 00 - 04:58 AM

If we are going to be properly correct it is called "Hove, actually" according to a friend who lives in Brighton (of which Hove is a sort of Posh suburb). It arises from (and he believed it was the correct name ofr the area for a long time, its use was so wide spread) if you asked someone if they were from Brighton they replied "Hove ,actually"


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Dharmabum
Date: 04 Oct 00 - 07:09 AM

It must be something in the fresh autum air. You guys just keep getting better & better!

Ron.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Áine
Date: 04 Oct 00 - 09:52 AM

Ah, LEJ, a very interesting twist on the tale! Well done, sir. Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

I said "this can't be real
Who'd guess that I'd feel
An old friend like you in this place?"
When she made not a sound
I felt really down
And she slapped me right in the face

And Micca -- you owe me a verse there, bubba! ;-)

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Áine
Date: 05 Oct 00 - 08:16 AM

Well, have we all handled this topic enough? Shall we go on to another, or take a few days off for the weekend? It's been good for me, how was it for you? ;-)

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Dharmabum
Date: 05 Oct 00 - 09:11 AM

But will you still respect me in the morning?

Bring on the next challange.

Ron.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Lox
Date: 05 Oct 00 - 11:09 AM

All I wanna do is see you don't you know that it's true

actually

erm.....

lox


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: mousethief
Date: 05 Oct 00 - 11:18 AM

There's something about you that I like, but I just can't put my finger on it.

I say let's wait a bit. One song challenge a week is as much as I can .. um .. handle.

Now where did I put those dark glasses?

Alex
O..O
=o=


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Micca
Date: 05 Oct 00 - 01:12 PM

Aine, just for you...

The old boy was getting quite wistful
while fondling the young lady's Bristol
"This fine piece of treasure
has raised my blood pressure
I'm as hot as a two dollar pistol"


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Áine
Date: 05 Oct 00 - 01:51 PM

Dearest Micca,

All good songs (and collaborations) must come to an end -- However, if you feel the need to add one more verse after this one, go for it!

"My dear man," said the lady from Bristol,
"You've taken more than a fistful,"
"Just above my behind,
there's a badge you will find,
I'm arresting your dog and your pistol!"

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Micca
Date: 05 Oct 00 - 02:09 PM

Ah!! Aine, thank you NB the Britishisms in this are fairly obvious, but I can post a glossary if needed
"But the time I was having was wicked
And now I just feel I've been tricked"
The copper said man
"Just get in the van
Your collars been felt and your nicked"


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: MMario
Date: 05 Oct 00 - 02:20 PM

Two songbook contenders from MudCat
Swapped lyric and verse at a dropped-hat
When the rest read their rhyme
They had a far better time
Then if at home they had all sat


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: GUEST,Bardford
Date: 05 Oct 00 - 02:24 PM

Forgive me. It's like an addiction, this Challenge! stuff.

I hope you will all pardon me
While I touch on my epiphany
But by keeping abreast
Of this thread, I suggest,
I was blind but now I see.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: MMario
Date: 05 Oct 00 - 02:32 PM

Bradford! if those puns were intended you are deadly!

congratulations!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 05 Oct 00 - 02:56 PM

They say it makes you blind anyway...


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Áine
Date: 05 Oct 00 - 06:46 PM

Well, I have to admit that I tried to come up with another verse to the great collaboration; but, Bardford, I just couldn't improve on your own. Here it is, all put together so you all can see what we did. Now, everyone close your eyes, put your hands on the screen and feel the magic...

The Blonde From Bristol
By Micca, Áine, MMario and Bardford

The blind man declared what's the fuss
This new club is just right for us
We're just thrilled to bits
By a feel of her tits
But actually, I came on the bus

But sir, said Sue on the Swing,
You don't know what your token will bring,
For it's hot when I dance,
Even without my pants,
And that's such a nice cool little thing!

The music and perfume-like soap
Are filling my heart full of hope
But the miserable gits
That in the town hall sits
Won't relax and let me have a grope

"Alas," said a tall buxom lass,
"Them councilors really are crass,
When they're in here, you know,
Their noses do grow,
And they've been known to beat their own brass!"

As upwards her knickers did sail
He was running his hands o'er her tail
He said "Oh my dear
The spots on your rear
Spell dirty old man here in Braille."

Oh Micca, you dirty ol' man,
If you'll follow the dots with your hand,
You'll 'see' that they spell,
In big letters as well,
'If you liked the foothills, the mountains are swell!'

Said the Blonde as she bared her behind,
"A thought has just crossed my mind
We've a problem I fear
With the Pussy in here
And his seeing eye dog for the blind."

"But the Pussy has had all its shots,"
Said the lass with the shiny brass pots,
"If your puppy gets sniffy,
I'll fix that in a jiffy,
Cuz I've petted wee pooches, a lot!"

The old boy was getting quite wistful
While fondling the young lady's Bristol
"This fine piece of treasure
has raised my blood pressure
I'm as hot as a two dollar pistol"

"My dear man," said the lady from Bristol,
"You've taken more than a fistful,"
"Just above my behind,
There's a badge you will find,
I'm arresting your dog and your pistol!"

"But the time I was having was wicked
And now I just feel I've been tricked"
The copper said, "Man,
"Just get in the van.
Your collars been felt and your nicked"

Two songbook contenders from MudCat
Swapped lyric and verse at a dropped-hat
When the rest read their rhyme
They had a far better time
Than if at home they had all sat

I hope you will all pardon me
While I touch on my epiphany
But by keeping abreast
Of this thread, I suggest,
I was blind but now I see.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: GUEST,Ephemera Globula
Date: 05 Oct 00 - 07:05 PM

The blind man declared "If she's stacked I'll
Resort to perception by tactile!
Though responsemay get brisk
It is well worth the risk
To discover the Globula Lactile!"


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Áine
Date: 06 Oct 00 - 08:22 AM

I have to say that you all made it soooo easy to give out the Golden Cow Chips this time. Cudos, Congrats and Thanks to all you wonderful Challenge!rs! And thanks to Bert for sending in this great Challenge! ideas. So, here we go:

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest:
The Ballad Of Sal The Blind Man's Pal by Dharmabum
Blind John by Bradypus
The Blonde From Bristol By Micca, Áine, MMario, Bardford and "Ephemera Globula"
Curvaceous Wimmin by Wailin' Blind Wombat Joe Keeler (a/k/a Amos)
Hands On Entertainment by MMario
The Hovemaster's Stores by McGrath of Harlow
I've Got What It Takes by Tinker
Keeping Abreast Of Fashion by kat/katlaughing
She's A Smooth Operator by Lonesome EJ
The Smiling Blind Man by Bardford
Touch by mousethief

And keep your eyes peeled for the next Challenge! -- if you're a conspiracy buff, you'll like this one (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: SharonA
Date: 17 Aug 01 - 12:55 PM

*refresh*

BEIN' SEEN
(Tune: "Bein' Green" from Sesame Street, sung by Kermit the Frog)

It's not easy bein' seen,
Havin' to spend each day with dullards till they leave.
Then again, it still seems much nicer peelin' teddies for fellahs
Than sold, or something much more horrible
Than that.

It's not that easy bein' seen.
It seems they spend tips for so many extra-ordinary things
And, as you bend, they look you over
'Cause you're hot, dancin' out with flashy sparkles on your garter,
Your arse and your thigh.

But "seen" is what touching can bring
When "seen" by a fool who has no sight.
I'm "seen" by his big, shakin' cold hand.
More and more wants ev'ry blind man
Who's all over me.

When "seen" as all their fingers "see",
It can make them hunger. Why?
No thigh-thunder, thiiiiigh-thunder!
I am lean.
Too little I dine.
I'm beautiful
And I know that's what they wanna "see".


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Áine
Date: 18 Aug 01 - 06:52 PM

Ah, SharonA - that is a keeper, for sure. Lovely, and sensitive. Well done, sister. So, here ya go --

Winners of the Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award (The Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award is given to the Challenge!rs who warm the cockles and create a special warm and fuzzy feeling in the heart of the Keeper of the Book in a song):

Bein' Seen by SharonA


-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 20 Aug 01 - 02:10 PM

Touchin Lap dancers (Walking on Memphis... Marc Cohn)

I chose to Parody this song for TWO LINES

Put on some real dark specks and drove down to the bar.
Touch skin now and then of the women, don't let 'em see me drive the car.
Hove city council, have some pity over me
Yeah I got some money
But women don't want me

Touching lap dancers,
Touching their breasts to see if they're real
Touching lap dancers
I really like the way that they feel

Went walking downtown and I saw a guy knew what to do
Followed up to the strip club door
As he felt his way through
Now the girls he did not see them
as he fondled all their boobs
I said I gotta get me some of that
I can watch 'em on the Tube

Touching lap dancers,
Touching their breasts to see if they're real
Touching lap dancers
I really like the way that they feel

Lyin on the Table
Legs up in the air
You won't care that you can't see them
You can touch em anywhere

But you can't touch 'em in Memphis

Touching lap dancers,
Touching their breasts to see if they're real
Touching lap dancers
I really like the way that they feel

Now Muriel has the biggest jugs and she really dances good
And they brought me around to see her
And I asked her if I could
Touch her once all over
And she told me "Yes. You might."
She said "Tell me if you are a blind man"
And I said "Ma'am I am Tonight

Touching lap dancers,
Touching their breasts to see if they're real
Touching lap dancers
I really like the way that they feel

Touching lap dancers
I really like the way that they feel


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 41
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 05 Sep 01 - 07:45 AM

A parody on "The Old Woman From Wexford"

THE WOMAN FROM BRIGHTON
There was a woman of Brighton
In Brighton Town did dwell
She loved her husband dearly
But his habits gave her hell
With your rum-dum dum-dum day-ro
But his habits gave her hell

For every afternoon he'd go
Down to the local pub
In the back room of which place
There was a stripping club
With your rum-dum dum-dum day-ro
There was a stripping club

So she went to the doctor
Some medicine for to find
"Have you any pills or potions
That would make me husband blind?"
With your rum-dum dum-dum day-ro
That would make me husband blind

"Feed him eggs and marrowbones
And make him sup them all
It won't be very long until
He won't see you at all"
With your rum-dum dum-dum day-ro
He won't see you at all

"It's not the sight of me" she said
"That causes me this grief
But if your medicine does the job
It will give me some relief"
With your rum-dum dum-dum day-ro
It will give me some relief

So she fed him eggs and marrowbones
And made him sup them all
It wasn't very long until
He couldn't see the wall
With your rum-dum dum-dum day-ro
He couldn't see the wall

Which him most unhappy
Most fretful and most glum
Cos from that moment onwards
He missed his tits and bums
With your rum-dum dum-dum day-ro
He missed his tits and bums

If I could only touch he thought
The strippers' naughty bits
It would make up for the fact that
I no longer see their tits
With your rum-dum dum-dum day-ro
I no longer see their tits

But the elders of the Council
Considered it too much
When it comes to strippers
You may look but never touch
With your rum-dum dum-dum day-ro
You may look but never touch


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