Limericks, anyone? [5]

Subject: Limericks, anyone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 04:23 PM

A mudcat recluse, name of Spaw
Kept constantly wagging his jaw
Till one day with a shout
His teeth all fell out
And revealed a most cavernous maw

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 04:40 PM

Hawk tried to get in a good lick.
T'was pathetic, not even a flick.
That should not surprise
Since 3 things the same size,
Are a pea, his brain, and his dick.

Spaw

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Áine
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 04:42 PM

Spaw - 1

Little Hawk - 0

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 05:14 PM

I see that the official size of my dick keeps shrinking. This is worrisome.

On the other hand, peas of that size could prove quite useful in terms of increasing agricultural production, so it ain't all bad, I suppose...

Why is it that insecure guys always insult the other guy's dick? :-)

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 05:24 PM

Because the burden of dragging around a 6 foot schlong make us envious of you guys who only need tweezer to take a piss instead of an electric winch. Its scary to think I might piss myself if there was no place to plug in my winch ... Makes me insecure.

Spaw

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 05:34 PM

By golly, that would make a guy insecure, all right. Now I understand.

You know, I think Big Norma should know about you. She's this woman in Orillia who's been looking for someone with those sort of dimensions. She works at the slaughterhouse, tossing quarters of beef cattle into holding bins. I'll see what I can do about this...

So...how about another limerick?

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 05:40 PM

Go right ahead....I'm going out for a few hours.....I'll check in when I get back.

Spaw

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: GUEST,flattop's nemesis
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 05:48 PM

A 6 foot dick on a 4' 6" man??? That is most unusual. I will have to inform the Royal Biological Society. We are presently engaged in a search for flattop's brain (which has thus far proven fruitless...), but I think we can spare a research team to go down and visit you, Spaw. Are you willing to be photographed?

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 06:06 PM

The bloke with the 2 metre schlong,
felt something was terribly wrong
For without his winch,
things were starting to pinch
and something was starting to pong....

LTS

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 06:15 PM

The folks in Orillia eat cheese
With almost whatever they please
They put it on toffee
They stir it in coffee
But it just makes poor Hesperis sneeze

I kid you not. The people in this town would probably eat rabbit turds if they had melted cheese poured on them.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Banjer
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 06:15 PM

'Spaws situation sounds kinda like the 'Ooh-Ooh' bird condition. That's the bird with the 6" pecker and the 2" legs...Whenever he tries to land you can hear him calling "ooh-ooh-ooh'....never did hear what he cries when he does land...any thoughts?

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 06:18 PM

No, that's the Oomi Gooli bird - it has extremely short legs and when it comes in to land you hear the charachteristic cry of Oomi Gooli...

Brings a whole different meaning to skid marks....

LTS

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Micca
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 07:14 PM

All this talk of Dick size is a con
and, my word , how you boys do go on
hurling barbs to and fro
but I'll have you both know
that the score is Hawk nil Catspaw one

And the ladies with smiles on their faces
know its not size,its the knowledege of paces
and the part of the day
that is spent in foreplay
and the skill of touching the right places

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: CarolC
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 07:31 PM

Spaw, I hate to break it to you, but if I saw someone with your alleged dimensions headed my way, I'd be running the other way really fast. Probably screaming.

Carol (who will have limericks later)

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: bbelle
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 07:33 PM

I sit viewing my screen in amazement
At these men whose dicks hit the pavement
Too big for my taste
So I remain pure and chaste
In the end, it is I who'll pass judgment

Not bad for a first go, eh?

moonjen

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 07:43 PM

Way to go, Jenny! You are now officially a member of the Orillia clique!!! Break out the champagne.

As for Spaw, he can have his 6 foot schlong, if he can find a female elephant (or perhaps a blue whale) willing to overlook his other more obvious flaws... :-)

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: bbelle
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 07:50 PM

You haven't read the Rick Kane thread lately. Yesterday, I became an Honourary Canadian Citizen, but it all hinged upon whether I was going to be inducted into the Orillia Non-Clickety-Clack-Cleek. Now, my worries are over. Yeah, eh?

moonjen doing the Maple Leaf Rag

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: CarolC
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 08:43 PM

moonjen,

Make sure they give you a key to the Orillia Municipal Porta-potty. Don't mind the man waving from the door. He's mostly friendly.

Carol

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: hesperis
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 09:04 PM

See! I have no problem with it, eh.

Glad you're now officially a Member of the NON-clique, moonjen. Congratulations!

A woman as chaste as the moon
Sought in Orillia a rune
For a clickety-cleek
To join she did seek:
When she got in, she swallowed her spoon!

I am baaaad, eh?

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: bbelle
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 09:50 PM

Oh, hespy, you are BAAAAD, in a GOOOD way!

I shall take my responsibility as an Honourary Orillian quite seriously and shall uphold the standards, such as they are, with the utmost care.

I shall don my mail and fight the good fight, in the name of Orillia.

To see that all 69 donut shops are fully stocked with Tim Horton donuts and coffee and that the local constabulary is kept well-fed and to fat to run after anyone ...

To see that the lock on the Orillia Municipal Porta-potty is kept with key and the hinges well greased ...

To visit every truckstop to gather up all "Half-Dead-Ted" cds and tapes, so as to not cause a blight on the good Orillia name ...

I shall promise and cross my heart with my living bra to become a semi-permanent fixture at Don's Coffeehouse ...

And, last but not least, I shall attend song circle every Monday night, if only in spirit, and if only to carry the many harps of the one called Little Hawk and the geetar of the one called flattop who only changes one string-at-a-time every six months.

moonjen lowly new member of the Orillia non-clickety-clack-cleek

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: CarolC
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 03:46 AM

A man with a six foot long johnson
Who wanted to go to Wisconsin
Created a fuss
When he boarded the bus
Cause they couldn't fit all of his schlong in

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Micca
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 08:25 AM

how to tell whos the non-clique in Orillia
(a non-clique, theres a thought just to thrill ya)
their dress is toned down
like the rest of the town
but their knickers, their knickers are frillier

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Micca
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 08:40 AM

Bugger, forgot the line breaks
how to tell whos the non-clique in Orillia
(a non-clique, theres a thought just to thrill ya)
their dress is toned down
like the rest of the town
but their knickers, their knickers are frillier

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 10:00 AM

Excellent, Micca! Those line breaks are elusive little devils, aren't they?

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 10:22 AM

I normally wouldn't purloin
A rhyme of another man's groin,
Though I'm up to the task.
I'll simply just ask,
Is this private, or can anyone join

in?      Oh bugger!

Steve

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: hesperis
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 10:35 AM

Steve - yes. Definitely.

Micca - beautiful! Glad to see you here.

Carol - Oh, my, GOD! I laughed so hard at that, I almost sprayed my keyboard!!! Almost. (It was just water anyway, but still...)

Sheesh, I'm going to have to come up with another one now. I couldn't get in Mudcat last night, and that sorta gave me a reprieve.

hesperis, gone to scribble.
(Hey, it's better than "gone to hell", eh?)

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: GUEST,Dave Forshaw, UK
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 10:55 AM

there was a young man named McEwan
Said why be bothered with screwin'
It's safer & neeter to fingre your peter
and besides, you can see what you're doin'!

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Grab
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 10:57 AM

Regardless of taste, sense or style,
The 'cat always goes the extra mile
On gross-out sick jokes,
That poor newbie folks
Aren't sure whether to puke or to smile.

Knob jokes - well just fantasise
With a sausage balloon in your strides.
But one little prick
On that pneumatic dick
And it goes flaccid and loses its rise.

Grab.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Amos
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 11:58 AM

The Spaw's oversized animation Was discovered in hot excitation But the Judge offered closure On public exposure, If he'd flagpole on civic Occasions!

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: hesperis
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 12:41 PM

So it's in grammarless Fringlish. It's still a limerick!

C'est fait avec papier maché
Je ne sait pas comme il est attaché
(Spaw said his schlong
was a big six feet long!)
Je pense qu'il a fait l'imaginé

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Kim C
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 01:28 PM

My five years of French (a LONG time ago) actually enabled me to read that. :)

This is off what appears to be the official limerick subject, but here's one I did for our knitting guild picnic awhile back:

There once was a gal who loved knittin
With fine yarn she was quite besmitten
Her closets were full
Of cotton and wool
With hardly enough room for spittin.

Back to regularly scheduled programming...

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Micca
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 01:41 PM

all KimCs group so loved knitten
and on Spaws endowment were hittin
to make it less rude
they knitted a snood
for the organ, but, made it tight fittin

To give it some art and some style
and make its appearence less vile
but the cause of Spaws peeve
was its fine raglan sleeve
so tight that it caused a strained smile

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: annamill
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 02:05 PM

Let's see now. I'm very new at this sort of thing, so forgive please!

I once knew a man with a small one,
who claimed it wasn't the size when your done.

He said it was talent, and me, not very gallent,
Said 'Imagine someone with talent, AND A BIG ONE!'

Love, annamill

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Amos
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 02:10 PM

Les gens qui conversent avec Spaw
Se trouvent souvent bien hors du loi;
Car ils parlent de son paille,
Et ils revent de son taille,
Mais le toucher ils n' osent pas!!

Ils disent que c'est bien sur enorme!
Et ils parlent de son longueur et forme
Mais quand meme, c'est bien sur
Qu'ils parlent de leur peur,
Car c'est tres en exces de la norme!

Ciao, tous les copains,

Amos

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: bigchuck
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 02:22 PM

Oh ye'll be sorry ye starrted this one when Midchuck gets back from the woods, ye will.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: hesperis
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 03:33 PM

Kim C - Spaw isn't the Official limerick subject, he's just the biggest one. *OOPS!*

Amos - I am in awe. Est-ce que tu parles Francais tout le temps?

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Naemanson
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 03:51 PM

Do I really want to get involved in this game? I must be foolish the throw this into the mix but here goes:

The subject is the size of a penis,
Mine's not long but it isn't the teeniest,
And "service" I say,
Is just not my play,
But on slow loving I am the keenest.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Amos
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 04:05 PM

No, I don't get to speak it often, and I have forgotten a lot about how to speak it well, but I make up in enthusiasm what I lack in precision. It ain't much more than doggerel with a French twist.

You could call it poodlerel.

Regards,

A

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: mousethief
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 04:06 PM

Naemanson is proud of his wiener
He claims it's an in-betweener
He claims to love slow
But the person who'd know
Is his lady - has anyone seen 'er?

Annamill likes an oversized phallus
On a talented man (like Steve Dallas?)
What she needs to surmise
Is that men with the size
Don't develop the talent; they're callous.

-A Nonny Mouse

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Amos
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 04:16 PM

ROTFLMAO, mousethief. Nicely done!

A

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: mousethief
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 04:19 PM

Thanks, Amos!

Alex
O..O
=o=

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: annamill
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 04:22 PM

Nonny Mouse, I didn't say I liked oversized phalluses, I just dislike compensating braggards. ('cept for 'spaw)

love, annamill

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: bbelle
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 04:37 PM

Oh, anna, what a lovely term "compensating braggards!" I'll tuck it away in my recesses for future use. And I'm sure I will have future use for the term. ~}

moonjen

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Midchuck
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 04:41 PM

When ol' 'Spaw, in an amourous sweat,
Approached Moonjen, the flatpicklette,
She said, "Wow, is it long!
But the angle is wrong!
Has the tension rod been maxed out yet?"

More later.

Peter.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: DonMeixner
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 04:41 PM

Asked the Urologist of his patient named Jacque,
"Can you Do It while lacking a cock"?
"Its not as hard as all that
for I use a ball bat.
It's called Hickory Dickory Doc!"

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Kim C
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 04:42 PM

Micca, you think that's funny --- but a friend of mine (and this is someone I've known since we were kids, for better than 20 years) saw me knitting socks one day and asked if I could make him one to go on his, ah, his Friend. Like the Red Hot Chili Peppers used to do. I said it was probably possible but not likely!

My old French isn't good enough to translate Amos's post. :(

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: mousethief
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 04:45 PM

Annamill said to yours truly, "Mouse,
"I don't care how Nature endows
"a man who will brag
"about his undersized flag-
pole. A compensating braggart's a louse!"

To Anna I say, "I'm so sorry!
"I mistook your intentions bizarrely
"I thought you were saying
"You'd like to try laying
"With a man with a rod like a Harley!"

A. Nonny Mouse

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Micca
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 04:50 PM

KinC, in certain adult stores and joke shops in the UK the sell those as Presents, called "Willie Warmers" complete with fittings for the "attachments"

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: annamill
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 05:02 PM

This one's a real reach.

Oh Nonny, you've got me so harried,
To create a rhyme to be carried.
I don't mean to be rude, again you've miscon - screwed ;-)
but you must remember, I'm married!

** BG **

Love, annamill

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: mousethief
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 05:13 PM

Annamill, I am sure that your hubby
Has a whale of an interleg clubby
But, "There's some kinds of pleasure
A tape rule can't measure,"
Say us guys with the tools that are nubby.

-Mouse

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: annamill
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 05:23 PM

I just can't compete with you, MT. This is not the place to discuss this. I'm out. You're a great limericatitian, ahh.. limericer, ahhh.. person who write great limerics.

Hope you can make a gathering. Maybe FSGW??

Love, annamill

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: mousethief
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 05:24 PM

What's an FSGW? I'd love to make lots of gatherings but they're all over in New England and I live in Seattle.

Alex
O..O
=o=

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: mousethief
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 05:26 PM

There's lots more out west than just Cattle
And mountains and rivers. I'll battle
to teach those from the east
That we're folkies too! At least
There's one or two out near Seattle.

Alex
O..O
=o=

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Kim C
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 05:55 PM

Micca, that is a Scream! I'll have to tell my friend about it! :)

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: CarolC
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 06:11 PM

The thread about Spaw's ample pecker
Grew into a huge double decker
But when Spaw tried to read it
He couldn't complete it
Now he wants us to bring in the wrecker

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Micca
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 06:16 PM

Kim, I might be able to get you one and mail it to you for that "special" friend,****BG*** PM me.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: catspaw49
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 06:21 PM

A WILLIE WARMER???? Geeziz Micca....Ya' know, I'd have thought you all would have stuck with the more English terminology........."Cock Cozy."

Spaw

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Naemanson
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 07:29 PM

Little Hawk wants to write limericks,
Catspaw writes of the size o' pricks,
Mousethief writes too,
On the size of the tools,
With the other Mudcats in the mix.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: bbelle
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 07:46 PM

This is not one of a bawdy nature, but I wrote it to a friend tonight ...

There was a woman with wings on her feet
That the men were all dying to meet
It was fun for a while
But it wasn't her style
So she looked for the heart with a beat.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Amos
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 08:10 PM

Well, here's a rough translation:

The folks who discuss our friend Spaw
Find themselves on the edge of the law
For they speak of his tool
And its size makes them drool,
But they dinna dare touch it at a'!!

They say it's as big as a dorm,
And they speak of its length, and its form.
But it seems very clear
They are speaking from fear
For its greatly outside of the norm!

A.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Mbo
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 08:25 PM

There once was a Spaw-thing named "Smackers"
So big it could play for the Packers
And when he got tackled
Oh how he cackled
And challenged all other attackers

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Amos
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 08:36 PM

When Spaw turns on his 'puter each day

This thread is his first choice of play;

For each "Spaw-pecker jingle"

Makes His Holiness tingle

'Til he Peters his 'Puter's display!

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Fergie
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 08:41 PM

There once was a politician names Dick
who sported the worlds largest prick
He went up for election
On the size of his erection
What other politician would you pick?

replies welcome

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: CarolC
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 09:32 PM

(BTW - Thanks Hesperis!)

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Elise
Date: 09 Oct 00 - 11:24 PM

For blue whales Spaw's pecker's too short At six feet, they would merely snort For when they play ball it creates quite a squall It takes eight feet for that sport!

The reason I know of this fact Is a marine biology professor who was cracked His question on a test Left us quite impressed With bizarre information my head is packed.

A jar on his desk entitled "elephant sperm" Made his students all giggle and squirm Albumin and tadpoles within Not designed for an elephant quim Made for an interesting term

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 12:11 AM

I am deeply offended at the general thrust this thread has taken. Indeed, I am appalled!

There I was, innocently launching a thread about limericks, expecting to get limericks about sensitive, meaningful, and relevant subjects....like horse racing, caligraphy, stamp collecting, and solipsism....and what do I get? Endless drivel about Spaw's oversized pecker!!!

It's an outrage.

I hope you are all suitably ashamed of yourselves.

I am going to get this limerick thread back on a tasteful basis right now.

Ahem...

There once was a fellow named Bill
Who ate an atomical pill
His navel corroded
His rectum exploded
They found his left nut in Brazil

There. That's much better.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 12:15 AM

All these guys with the six-foot long peters
Like to flaunt them in front of their readers
But I think that the fools
Have got the wrong rules
And have feet mixed up with millimeters

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 01:09 AM

Lonesome EJ - 2 Spaw - 1

ROTFL!!!

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Amos
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 01:20 AM

Leej Rides again!

A

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Crazy Eddie
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 05:40 AM

'Spaw thought he'd a muckle long prickle
Though in truth,'twas a darn sight more mickle
One lady though sued,
For the pain that ensued,
She'd been served it, as McDonalds pickle!

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: GUEST,Fibula Mattock
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 06:59 AM

Freud, in his wisdom, would tell us of
Girls' envy of the penis our fellas have
But I don't agree -
Any woman can see
That it's hardly a thing to be jealous of!

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Crazy Eddie
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 09:00 AM

"A pea, and Hawk's brain, and his prickle,"
said Spaw, "are quite famously mickle"
Yet despite flaws like these,
Hawk seems able to please,
For though little, he knows where to tickle!


Well, now that I've insulted both of them, I'm going to switch off my computer for a week, so they cannot get back at me! The perfect plan. HEEHEE

AAARGH NO! that means no Mudcat for a week!.........
Hey, you guys, I was just kidding aroud....HONEST
There's no need to get rough!...I won't do it again I promise!
(Well not till I can think of the rhymes anyway)

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 12:25 PM

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: CarolC
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 12:38 PM

Aw come on, Lonesome EJ, don't be such a tease!

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 12:48 PM

Lonesome EJ,the infamous honkey
Sometimes had the brain of a donkey
While he was fishin
For the latest submission
He laid his thumb down on the wrong key

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: hesperis
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 12:51 PM

Of Hawk's size I haven't a clue
Or if I did I wouldn't tell you
But an ex-girlfriend told me
"Spaw's 'thing' is just tiny."
And I really do think she told true

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: hesperis
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 02:36 PM

Fergie - I know of quite a few politicians who are pricks.................. not a one o' them had those qualifications, though............ must be the biggest prick in town? (At least!)

Moonjen - hard to stop once you start, eh?

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: mousethief
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 02:41 PM

A word, my friend, just between us
'Bout the obsession with size of the penis:
Me and my mates
Do not like our dates
To start laughing the moment they've seen us!

A. Nonny Mouse

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: John Hardly
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 04:05 PM

I asked my dear wife not to laugh
as she pointed at my lower half
"It hurts me dear,
that in my mid-years
I resemble a thread, not a staff.

John Hardly--(middle-aged only if I live to my 90s)

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: mousethief
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 04:10 PM

One gal --if it wasn't Liz it
was Sue-- on an overnight visit
made me feel small
in my all-and-all
When she pointed and said, "hey! where is it?"

A. Nonny Mouse

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: TonyK
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 04:13 PM

I'm supposed to be studying for school and look what I'm doing. Anyway, my ancestors are said to have come originally from Limerick so I thought I'd give a try and see if the collective unconscious comes through. And by the way, there have been some very good limericks here today.

A woman I know, a Hong Konger
Said she had never been wronger
For when she spied 'Spaw
Her jaw dropped in awe
Of a Folk-songer donger that's longer

Back to the books.
TonyK

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 06:44 PM

Screw the books Tony.....I think you have a future in your past.

Spaw

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Chump Change
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 11:12 PM

There once was a track-coach named "Wertz" Making love's like the mile he asserts Through the course of the race one may vary the pace but in the end, however, one spurts

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: CarolC
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 12:19 AM

In the Mudcat you never will hear
Of a person as precious or dear
As the one who makes puns
And writes lim'rics for fun
Or blows methane clouds out of his rear

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: katlaughing
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 12:48 AM

Of schlongs long I've been readin'
Green envy the monitor's seepin'
But everyone knows, it's all just for show
The truth's in the how you are wieldin'!

For a lady may say she likes long ones
She may swoon as it drops like a ton
But if it doesn't fit in, neither will win
And all you will see are her buns!

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Bert
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 11:43 AM

A six foot wood isn't a winner
'cos no girl would let it go in 'er
So with strings from a fiddle
and a bend in the middle
Spaw makes it a courting dulcIMMer

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: hesperis
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 12:15 PM

GROAN!

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Bert
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 12:18 PM

Ah! hesp. that's the perfect response that every Limerick is supposed to invoke.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: John Hardly
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 12:23 PM

Havin' felt the pain of the winch,
for me it's a lead-pipe cinch,
Th' devil's deal made,
Yes, gladly I'd trade
One ball for one extra inch.

John oh so Hardly

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: CarolC
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 10:21 PM

Is that, John (hardly)...or John HARDly?

A girl's gotta know these things.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 11:57 PM

You know, I never intended this thread to be all about whangers, dongs, and other euphemisms like that. I think Spaw started it. The man has no shame. Now it's out of control. It's like some hideous spawn, mutating as it goes. Sort of like that ancient Steve McQueen movie "The Blob". Oh, my god, I think it's got me...there's no escape!

Spaw had such a hell of a whanger
It inspired much envious anger
Among studs everywhere
They would grumble and swear
As he whipped out another wallbanger

Who will end the horror???

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: hesperis
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 01:26 AM

Me.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: GUEST,micca at work
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 04:52 AM

Young hesperis said in a huff
"I am just speaking for me, off the cuff,
all this talk about dongs
and six foot schlongs
Its time someone shouted Enough!!!

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Naemanson
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 06:40 AM

Well, OK, I said that's enough, I'd rather not have to get tough, You've talked of your tools To make the girls drool Now let's talk of the women we love.

There once was a woman in Brest Who had a remarkable chest It was high deep and wide, And not at all easy to hide, But it held all the linens for guests.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: GUEST,micca at work
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 06:54 AM

Naemanson, was this the same lady
A lady who lived in Madras,
she had a most beautiful ass
not round and pink
as you probably think
it was grey,had long ears and ate grass

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 06:58 AM

Sapristi Nurgls, Micca, Damn you, I was just trying to think of that one to post!
RtS (the ass having a senior moment)

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: GUEST,micca at work.
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 07:02 AM

I have been Sponned!!! you dirty rotten swine you!!!

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Naemanson
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 01:53 PM

There was a young lady of Spain Whose face, sad to say, was too plain, But her buns nice and brown, Were seen in the town, As she passed out fresh bread in the lane.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: hesperis
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 03:48 PM

What is "sponned"???

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: mousethief
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 04:00 PM

misspelling of "spawned"?

Alex
O..O
=o=

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Micca
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 05:38 PM

Over to you, Roger, to explain this one, I am off to Llanstock for a few days.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: GUEST,boogerfinger
Date: 21 Oct 00 - 03:28 PM

little jack horner sat in a corner eating a pizza pie, he picked off the pepperoni, blew his friend ronnie and wiped the come up with his tie.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Bernard
Date: 21 Oct 00 - 05:17 PM

There was a young man from Gwent
Whose 'thing' was exceedingly bent
To save him some trouble
He put it in double
And, instead of coming, he went...

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Oct 00 - 10:18 PM

LOL! Bernard, that is a good one!

I think it's time to launch part III.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: CarolC
Date: 21 Oct 00 - 10:32 PM

Limericks, anyone? Part 2

Limericks, part three

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: CarolC
Date: 22 Oct 00 - 12:26 AM

Part 2 doesn't seem to be working. Will try again.

Part 2

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: GUEST,O.V. Michaelsen (Ove Ofteness)
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 06:01 PM

I'm looking for someone who could make a few of these verses come to life melodically.

http://www.rhymestorming.webs.com/

Happy New Year, everyone!

Ove

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: GUEST, O.V. Michaelsen (Ove Ofteness)
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 06:03 PM

My e-mail address:

[e-mail]

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Jan 11 - 09:21 AM

how COULD it be over ten years
since these limericks tickled our ears?!
what's UP with you guys
and your focus on SIZE?
don't you know it's the 'rock of the boat', dears?

Dani

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone?
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 02 Jan 11 - 01:38 PM

The Limerick is furtive and mean,
You must keep it in close quarantine,
Or it sneaks to the slums,
And promptly becomes,
Disorderly, drunk and obscene.

Dave H

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone? [5]
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Jun 11 - 06:43 PM

That's a favorite. The first line, though--doesn't it have a syllable too many? Ah! "lim'rick" saves it.

Subject: RE: Limericks, anyone? [5]
From: DrugCrazed
Date: 18 Jun 11 - 09:41 PM

This is such a brilliant thread
This is what my girlfriend just said
I don't have a girl
But gave this a whirl
Gnight all I'm now off to bed.