Lyrics & Knowledge Personal Pages Record Shop Auction Links Radio & Media Kids Membership Help
The Mudcat Cafesj

Post to this Thread - Sort Descending - Printer Friendly - Home


100 practical uses for Spaw...

Related threads:
BS: Spaw memories (23)
Obit: Pat "Catspaw49" Patterson - June 20, 2014 (333)
Music for Catspaw's Memorial (43)
CATSPAW's Memorial Picnic (13)
About Catspaw - please read. (107) (closed)
Spaw - What are you doing in pic? (12)
CATSPAW - Oh Happy Day (probably)!! (85)
Not Home Quite Yet - CATSPAW (84)
THE CATSPAW REPORT -DAY TWO (105)
Catspaw - good news! (159)
KARENSPAW Says Thanks to Special Folks (27)
KarenSpaw III---Is she home yet? (45)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MICHAEL'SPAW'PATTERSON (49)
KARENSPAW 3 - On the Mend (101)
Hey Spaw...listen up!!! (44)
Hi I'm new here - I'm Catspaw 48 (62)
Catspaw on Jury Duty? (18)
'Spaw in the Stars (17) (closed)
Spaw meets El Swanno--photos are up! (14)
El Swanno & Spaw Rescued by Cleigh (22)
For Mary Colmer--Who is Catspaw? (34)
Spaw Says -- MANY THANKS!!! (18)
'Spaw. Wrong person? (5)
CLETUS-HELP! Spaw in Eddie stupor! (16)
Rick & Catspaw's excellent adventure! (23)
catspaw's birthday is Tuesday, June 8th (78)
About Catspaw - Part III (10)
Catspaw: The relapse (98) (closed)
Catspaw - The Recovery, Part III (83) (closed)
Catspaw- the Homecoming (35) (closed)
Catspaw, the Recovery (104) (closed)
Donate Blood for catspaw? (14)
The Tale Of Hiroshi Ogura And Catspaw. (10)
About Catspaw - PartII (115) (closed)
catspaw location (2)


Little Hawk 10 Oct 00 - 12:36 AM
Little Hawk 10 Oct 00 - 12:38 AM
Rich(bodhránai gan ciall) 10 Oct 00 - 12:38 AM
Little Hawk 10 Oct 00 - 12:41 AM
Gary T 10 Oct 00 - 01:14 AM
Amergin 10 Oct 00 - 01:22 AM
BlueJay 10 Oct 00 - 01:54 AM
BlueJay 10 Oct 00 - 02:10 AM
CarolC 10 Oct 00 - 02:51 AM
Bugsy 10 Oct 00 - 03:15 AM
Skipjack K8 10 Oct 00 - 05:29 AM
Little Neophyte 10 Oct 00 - 07:23 AM
Noreen 10 Oct 00 - 09:08 AM
catspaw49 10 Oct 00 - 09:22 AM
katlaughing 10 Oct 00 - 10:29 AM
Allan C. 10 Oct 00 - 10:47 AM
GUEST,Sailor Dan at work 10 Oct 00 - 11:01 AM
Bill D 10 Oct 00 - 11:10 AM
Little Hawk 10 Oct 00 - 11:10 AM
Amergin 10 Oct 00 - 11:36 AM
Ebbie 10 Oct 00 - 11:41 AM
GUEST,CLETUS 10 Oct 00 - 11:43 AM
Melani 10 Oct 00 - 12:46 PM
hesperis 10 Oct 00 - 12:58 PM
CarolC 10 Oct 00 - 01:15 PM
Uncle_DaveO 10 Oct 00 - 01:30 PM
Lonesome EJ 10 Oct 00 - 01:33 PM
catspaw49 10 Oct 00 - 01:41 PM
Morticia 10 Oct 00 - 02:24 PM
Little Neophyte 10 Oct 00 - 03:18 PM
Bert 10 Oct 00 - 03:22 PM
Robby 10 Oct 00 - 03:23 PM
SINSULL 10 Oct 00 - 03:26 PM
Little Hawk 10 Oct 00 - 03:41 PM
Mrs.Duck 10 Oct 00 - 04:26 PM
Little Hawk 10 Oct 00 - 06:08 PM
Morticia 10 Oct 00 - 06:09 PM
mousethief 10 Oct 00 - 06:10 PM
Little Neophyte 10 Oct 00 - 06:20 PM
catspaw49 10 Oct 00 - 06:35 PM
hesperis 10 Oct 00 - 06:46 PM
Jim the Bart 10 Oct 00 - 06:53 PM
katlaughing 10 Oct 00 - 07:06 PM
catspaw49 10 Oct 00 - 07:16 PM
DougR 10 Oct 00 - 07:20 PM
MK 10 Oct 00 - 07:30 PM
kimmers 10 Oct 00 - 10:02 PM
Rich(bodhránai gan ciall) 10 Oct 00 - 10:36 PM
catspaw49 10 Oct 00 - 11:07 PM
Little Neophyte 10 Oct 00 - 11:34 PM
catspaw49 10 Oct 00 - 11:48 PM
Rich(bodhránai gan ciall) 10 Oct 00 - 11:51 PM
rangeroger 11 Oct 00 - 02:21 AM
Joe Offer 11 Oct 00 - 03:11 AM
alison 11 Oct 00 - 03:50 AM
wysiwyg 11 Oct 00 - 07:52 AM
Troll 11 Oct 00 - 08:00 AM
wysiwyg 11 Oct 00 - 08:23 AM
hesperis 11 Oct 00 - 12:25 PM
Little Hawk 11 Oct 00 - 06:27 PM
Rich(bodhránai gan ciall) 11 Oct 00 - 10:09 PM
hesperis 11 Oct 00 - 10:54 PM
Tinker 11 Oct 00 - 10:57 PM
Little Hawk 11 Oct 00 - 11:43 PM
hesperis 12 Oct 00 - 12:19 AM
Little Hawk 12 Oct 00 - 12:24 AM
catspaw49 12 Oct 00 - 12:29 AM
Little Hawk 12 Oct 00 - 12:34 AM
Rich(bodhránai gan ciall) 12 Oct 00 - 12:39 AM
hesperis 12 Oct 00 - 01:10 AM
Metchosin 12 Oct 00 - 01:18 AM
GUEST,micca at work 12 Oct 00 - 06:38 AM
GUEST,Roger the skiffler 12 Oct 00 - 06:52 AM
Helen 12 Oct 00 - 07:32 AM
GUEST,micca at work 12 Oct 00 - 09:17 AM
catspaw49 12 Oct 00 - 10:12 AM
Micca 12 Oct 00 - 01:34 PM
hesperis 12 Oct 00 - 07:07 PM
Troll 12 Oct 00 - 07:18 PM
Helen 12 Oct 00 - 07:51 PM
Little Hawk 13 Oct 00 - 12:43 AM
Metchosin 13 Oct 00 - 12:56 AM
hesperis 13 Oct 00 - 09:41 AM
Troll 13 Oct 00 - 09:56 AM
Bert 13 Oct 00 - 04:41 PM
Rich(bodhránai gan ciall) 13 Oct 00 - 11:49 PM
Ebbie 14 Oct 00 - 04:28 AM
Little Hawk 16 Oct 00 - 06:15 PM
Little Hawk 16 Oct 00 - 06:16 PM
catspaw49 16 Oct 00 - 06:20 PM
hesperis 30 May 01 - 01:38 AM
Little Hawk 30 May 01 - 01:53 AM
CarolC 30 May 01 - 02:10 AM
mooman 30 May 01 - 03:31 AM
GUEST,bbc at work 30 May 01 - 11:59 AM
mousethief 30 May 01 - 12:15 PM
catspaw49 30 May 01 - 12:20 PM
Little Hawk 30 May 01 - 12:30 PM
SINSULL 30 May 01 - 12:51 PM
mousethief 30 May 01 - 01:06 PM
Caitrin 30 May 01 - 01:08 PM
JeZeBeL 30 May 01 - 01:31 PM
Little Hawk 30 May 01 - 01:36 PM
Kim C 30 May 01 - 01:41 PM
wdyat12 30 May 01 - 01:46 PM
hesperis 30 May 01 - 04:50 PM
JeZeBeL 30 May 01 - 09:06 PM
catspaw49 30 May 01 - 09:39 PM
Spud Murphy 31 May 01 - 06:09 PM
JeZeBeL 31 May 01 - 08:28 PM
Mrs.Duck 01 Jun 01 - 06:37 PM
Share Thread
more
Lyrics & Knowledge Search [Advanced]
DT  Forum Child
Sort (Forum) by:relevance date
DT Lyrics:













Subject: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 12:36 AM

Okay, I think it's time we put our heads together and found a practical use for Spaw...

Here's my contribution...

*** STOPPING BUFFALO STAMPEDES ***

The scene: The overlanders cringed in terror on the open prairie, as the ground shook under their feet, and an awesome rumble filled the air. 30,000 panicky buffalo spooked by Little Hawk and the other braves were stampeding straight towards them, and there was no place to run...no place to hide. All appeared lost, when suddenly a voice cried out "Make way, there!" and a manly (well, sort of...) figure strode forward fearlessly toward the oncoming horde of wild bovines. It was Spaw.

Without a word he dropped his pants and turned his rear end toward the Buffalo herd. Several of the women shrieked, and swooned, while strong men were seen to blanch and turn away. Spaw paid them no mind. The huge Buffalo bulls leading the charge were only 20 feet away when a ripping "BRLLLLAAAAAAAFFFT!!!" sound rang out, rising above the very thunder of the stampede itself.

The effect was instantaneous. The leading ranks of Buffalo snorted in dismay, and tried desperately to stop in their tracks, nearly turning themselves inside out in their frantic efforts to reverse their course. For a moment there was utter confusion as thousands of other Buffalo pressed in from behind, trampling the leaders. Then the vile and incredible odor struck the herd with full force. It was an amazing sight. 30,000 Buffalo turned as one and fled northward, away from Spaw, who had as usual consumed a large breakfast of fried eggs, hot peppers and beans that very morning.

Spaw unconcernedly pulled up his pants and secured his belt. "Damn good thing the wind was blowing from the South," he remarked.

"Amen to that, brother Spaw," declared Brigham Young, mopping his brow.

Little Hawk, Touch The Clouds and the others watched from the safety of a nearby plateau. The last few Buffalo were vanishing toward the northerm escarpment. Dead birds which had fallen from the sky littered the ground. A coyote staggered about drunkenly, a look of unbelieving horror on its face.

"These damned White-eyes are a filthy and depraved lot," remarked Touch The Clouds. "They fight dirty."

"Yes," said Little Hawk. "But with any luck their bad diet will kill them eventually. I say we let them pass."

"I believe one of them just did," remarked Fast Weasel, sardonically.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 12:38 AM

Now folks, I think you know what to do. We need 100 practical uses for Spaw, and I have confidence that you Mudcatters can rise to the occasion.

Mbo - I bet you can come up with 15 or 20 good uses for Spaw all by yourself...

Go to it, people!!!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Rich(bodhránai gan ciall)
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 12:38 AM

Don't pick on Spaw. He picks on Meebo for all of us and lets us focus on other things :)

Rich


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 12:41 AM

Are you kidding??? Spaw loves being picked on! Trust me on this...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Gary T
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 01:14 AM

In the final quality test at the end of the heavy-duty crane plant, Spaw (one of his members, actually) could provide the definitive test for the cranes' power and durability, while also making sure they didn't painfully pinch scrotal tissue. This would be an invaluable service for males with large organs (or large imaginations), and if something went horribly wrong, no one--well, no one important, anyway--would be hurt.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Amergin
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 01:22 AM

I heard the US government is studying his powers of flatulence as a less toxic alternative to nuclear warfare.....it seems his gas is powerful enough to level cities three times the size of Tokyo.....and better yet, no one has ever died from smelling farts.....sick yes, but died no....so there would be no Spaw poisoning going on for decades afterwards.....

Amergin


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: BlueJay
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 01:54 AM

Spaw could begin a new career at Yellowstone Park. Don't want to disappoint the tourists. If "Old Faithful" should fail to erupt....

Or as a border guard. I believe he could control the entire Rio Grande valley by himself. At the Canadian border, he could ask: "brrrripppp, whoosh, bip, bip, ftpppp...ppp, do you really want to come into this country"?

Really, I'd prefer to see Spaw as Secretary of Culture, or something. Vast improvement over whoever's watching things now. BlueJay


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: BlueJay
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 02:10 AM

Oh, don't forget. Spaw is already well proven in the medical community.
1. Inravenous Fluid Pole Support
2. Urinary Catheter Bag Stand
3. Nurse Recruiter
4. Bedpan Stabilizer
5. Needle receptical
6. Enema Evaluator


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: CarolC
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 02:51 AM

I vote for Little Hawk to be appointed official Mudcat Bedtime Storyteller.

Spaw can be official Mudcat after bedtime storyteller.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Bugsy
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 03:15 AM

If he were living closer he would be good for the following.

1. someone to get smashed with.
2. someone to get stoned with.
3. someone to chew the fat with.
4. someone to trade jokes with.
5. someone to trade insults with.
6. someone to jam with.
7. someone to rally with against people who start stupid threads like "100 practical uses for Spaw..."


yeah, off the top of my head, I think that's about it.

Cheers

Bugsy


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Skipjack K8
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 05:29 AM

There was once a line delivered by Danny DeVito to the hapless Christopher Lloyd character in the TV show Taxi:

"Parents? You have parents............ ? Bang goes my Spaw theory"

Surreal!

Skipjack


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 07:23 AM

Catspaw is a crap removal specialist. He is great at lifting your spirits when you are feeling down or taking life too seriously. I bet he gives great hugs too. Big ones that make you feel loved.

Little Neo


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Noreen
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 09:08 AM

Well, Little Hawk, click here for a user's manual,

here to read about how Spaw is regarded by Greenpeace :0)

here for Spaw- the movie (with pictures);

here, here and last but not least here.
100 uses could be too few!

Noreen

whohasobviouslywaytoomuchtimeonherhandsatthemoment


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 09:22 AM

What a great thread..............I mean I''ve been looking for any practical use for me for years, and gawd knows Karen has. I'd be all for Bugsy's if we were just something less than on opposite sides of the world. Some of you have given me some food for thought.....which in my case tends to give me gas, but I'll take your ideas with some Gas-X and see what develops.

Thank you Hawk and all of you for your ideas! And Noreen.......You DO have WAY TOO MUCH time on your hands!!!

Spaw


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 10:29 AM

I agree with you, Bugsy; and, you, too, Lil Neo.

luvyaSpaw...kat


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Allan C.
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 10:47 AM

Who says there is even 1?

Somewhere among my collection of valuable items I have a grotesque ceramic statue of a South American Indian. It serves no purpose at all that I can find. But for some reason I would never be able to explain, I love it.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: GUEST,Sailor Dan at work
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 11:01 AM

FLASH NEWS --- FLASH NEWS ---- FLASH NEWS

THE UNITED STATES COAST GUARD WANTS SPAW.

The USCG is having a meeting to tender an offer to Mudcats Spaw to maintain control of the Cuban Rafters in the Florida Straits.

It is now contemplating the amount of "ammunition" to feed to Spaw so that he can maintain a steady pressure on the Cuban rafters to keep them home with Castro. It will also allow the Coast Guard to move 27 cutters and other assets to other places they would be required.

Another use for the Spaw

Sailor DAn


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Bill D
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 11:10 AM

dunno if it's a pratical use, but 'spaw sometimes appreciates and understands ME!...a rare and dubious achievement....(maybe it's the shared awareness of KNOWING to what heights and riches a degree in Philosophy can raise one!)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 11:10 AM

I think I've seen those statues. In Canada they have little statues of priests that serve the same purpose, if I get your drift. They are also grotesque. We don't have any of Indians, however, because it would probably raise a political furor at this point. People are a bit touchy about stuff like that these days...

Noreen - Incredible! I had no idea that Spaw was such a big wheel in the ecological community. As for the movie pictures....man, talk about UGGGGLLY!!!! Does he turn into that during full moon or something?

Anyway, this is all shaping up nicely...but WHERE'S MBO???


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Amergin
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 11:36 AM

i think the coasties have been talking with Spaw's agent to get him to blow the stern of the New Carrissa off of the Oregon coast....

Amergin


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Ebbie
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 11:41 AM

He could be turned into a book that can be tucked under one's arm. At odd (And I do mean 'odd') moments, he could be opened and flipped through for a laugh of the day or for a heart-warming, inspirational affirmation of his eloquent humanity. Of course, sometimes you have to hurriedly flip past a number of pages- but those may be what you need at odd moments of your own.

Ebbie


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: GUEST,CLETUS
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 11:43 AM

I figger thet me an Paw an Buford an the Reg boyz owe a lot to Catspaw. Ile tell ya the truth, thair ar sum dayz thet without him we wuddent have no life attall.

CLETUS


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Melani
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 12:46 PM

The most practical use I can think of stems from the fact that I started laughing when I saw the name of this thread, before I even opened it!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: hesperis
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 12:58 PM

1. subject for limericks 2. general hilarity and merriment 3. He could be the God of a credulous fertility cult

...

Hmmm, I must think on't.

Where's Mbo?!!!!!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: CarolC
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 01:15 PM

(Artificial wildlife!)

See, Amos...I told you the world wouldn't be the same without lawn flamingos! Even Spaw agrees with me now.

Carol


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 01:30 PM

Only trouble with lawn flamingos is that you have to hire garden gnomes to herd them.

Dave Oesterreich


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 01:33 PM

There is great need for someone like Spaw to act as a translator in the Gore/Bush (Bore/Gush ?) Debates.Example...

Gore- My opponent's budget proposal is unfair,in that he gives 45% of the refund to the wealthiest 1% of the taxpayer.Our proposal will benefit the Middle Class,those on whose backs the present economy has been built.

Spaw translation- This half-wit dweeb couldn't pour piss out of a boot with the directions on the heel.The smurf-faced little shitass is nothing more than a tool of all the people who won't donate to my campaign.I'd like to kick his ass up between his shoulder-blades,frankly.

Bush- There he goes with the fuzzy numbers again.That kind of numbers-juggling only appeals to the elitists in our society: none of the rest of us can make heads or tails of it.He doesn't talk about Medicare- he talks about Medi-scare.

Spaw translation- OK,I flunked math,partially because my teacher was a pinko anti-establishment Berkley-style radical with a grudge against Dad.But this smart-ass stiff is not gonna get my goat.The smart guys all tell me that he's wrong,and I agree.Look at him,he's got more make-up on than Mom wears.He's obviously gay.I wonder if it would be okay to say that?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 01:41 PM

Ya' know Leej, I've said it before and you've proven it once again.......You do me better than I do me sometimes.

For those of you who weren't around, I once did a thread explaining something with the ideas, amnner, and style of 15 or 20 other 'Catters. Later on in the thread, Leej did me doing the same thing and a lot of folks (Jeri for one) would NOT believe it wasn't me posting under Leej's name!!! That was before the Guest tag thing.

Spaw


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Morticia
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 02:24 PM

I have lots of uses for 'Spaw......come on over darling and I'll demonstrate a few *BG*


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 03:18 PM

Morticia, that sounds kind of promiscuous, I think you better ask Karen first.

Little Neo


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Bert
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 03:22 PM

Actually I did hear that he was pretty good at making left handed courting dulcimers.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Robby
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 03:23 PM

Having read his posting about making out during the 50s, perhaps a career as a romance novelist might be the answer.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: SINSULL
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 03:26 PM

I am with Morticia on this. Gigolo is definitely his calling. Or dirty, old man. Whichever he prefers. we'll let Little Neo babysit Cletus while we...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 03:41 PM

Lawn flameengos??? J'ou wan' lawn flameeegos, we got 'em! Peeenk ones! Blue ones! Leetle ones weet' shoes on! Leetle peenk zigg-heiling lawn flameengos all line' up een t'ousands, on j'our lawn! We gonna get j'ou all the lawn flameengos j'ou can handle, hombre!

j'ou just call Pepe at 1-800-HOT-BIRD...

An' tell 'em Spaw send j'ou for beeg deescount!!!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Mrs.Duck
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 04:26 PM

I have a hole in the garage roof needs plugging!!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 06:08 PM

He'd be more likely to blast a hole in a roof than plug it...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Morticia
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 06:09 PM

Bonnie, I cannot imagine what you are implying, I merely meant that I have shelves that need putting up and so forth.....I'm shocked *BG*!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: mousethief
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 06:10 PM

One needn't be a great inventor
To think of a use for our mentor
If he's as big as it's said
On the limericks thread
He can be a handrail at the Senior Center!

A. Nonny Mouse


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 06:20 PM

Morticia, I still think it is wise to ask Karen if you can borrow her husband and his electric drill. You should see some of the bits for that thing.

Bonnie


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 06:35 PM

SHELVING??? Hellfire, I can't even get the damn bathroom remodeling finished. Karen is always after more shelving. Generally we need more to store all the assorted crappola which we never use that's all nicely organized inn the Rubbermaid containers (which she can never get enough of either). I think there's a female gene marked Rubbermaid somewhere but those dorks who just finished the genetic mapping didn't have the guts to label it properly.

Spaw


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: hesperis
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 06:46 PM

Possibly not Rubbermaid, but definitely some gene that influences us females to bring home the dreaded stuff, then influences us to buy containers to put the dreaded stuff in...

Or maybe it's an alien conspiracy to get the human females to hatch out little (plastic container) aliens.................... That's IT!!!!!
It must be an alien conspiracy.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Jim the Bart
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 06:53 PM

He can always help me fill out the woodwind section of this here orchestry; we always have need for an extra hoboe or buffoon. And come to think of it "wood" and "wind" are two things that come up in his conversation from time to time (so to speak).


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 07:06 PM

Oh, Spaw, you're confused, darlin'....I don't think Karen would dream of shopping at one of those seedy places where they actually sell Rubber Maids, complete with mouths that says, "OH!", in such a doll-like way.

And, I think the genes got reversed in our house; I hate plastic containers, they should come with the lids attached with biker chains and titanium locks. It's Rog who gleefully fills our cupboards with the plastiquecrappe!

I am so glad you explained your tape removal system. I never would have known about the devious ways of my cats without that wonderful instruction manual!

kat


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 07:16 PM

I think Rich suggested it should be on this thread kat. Perhaps there IS some use for me after all!!! Spaw's 10 Step Plan for Organizing Cassette Tapes may be the thing that makes me famous and rich!!!!

Spaw


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: DougR
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 07:20 PM

I've been thinking about this thread all day, and just haven't come up with any good ideas ...unless ...a door stop? :>)

DougR


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: MK
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 07:30 PM

Well given the current crisis once again with OPEC, the price of gasoline and oil, within SPAW is a phenomenally efficient and powerful propulsion system, with no impact on the Ozone layer or lasting environmental effects.

This propulsion system could allow NASA to attain warp speed for missions beyond our galaxy, launch the space shuttle, provide enough thrust for a skateboard owner to travel at 60 mph (zero to 60 in a second and a half), motorcycles, mopeds, automobiles, ships, submarines, etc. and eliminate all reliance on nuclear power.
All we need is a powerful enough lobby group with the same diet as 'Spaw, to take on the big 3 automakers for starters, and everything else will cave into submission.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: kimmers
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 10:02 PM

Spaw is hilariously, deeply, unimaginably funny, and therefore needs no other justification for his existence. Sort of like a pink lawn flamingo, come to think of it. Or a puffer fish.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Rich(bodhránai gan ciall)
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 10:36 PM

Little Hawk, I withdraw my earlier protestation. This thread's been great so far.
Little Neo, Get your mind out of the gutter ;-)
Where is MBO?

Spaw, I doubt the tape organizing thing will make you rich but it's a good start. If you begin it with admitting your tapes are a mess and end with passing on your experience to others, you can call it a 12-step program and go international with it!
Oh and you got me to shorten my name and thats gotta count for something.

Rich(stupidbodhránplayerwhodoesn'tknowanybetter)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 11:07 PM

Rich, I think you may have it there. Now if you'll check back on the other thread on cassettes, you'll see I'm planning a brochure, rental cats....the WORKS!!!!

Meebo, I am overjoyed to say, is out in the 3-D world having a great time and spreading those huge wings which can take him some fantastic places. On another thread, he said he spent a wonderful weekend with 19 other folks his age and was so surprised that they LIKED him AND his music!!!

Matt, if you show up here, NOBODY is happier than I am and I hope this is just the right beginning to send you out and about for the world to see what a fine guy you can be. Give people a chance and they'll see the good things we see here. Go for it my young friend. The real world is in for a treat....as are you.

Spaw


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 11:34 PM

Rich, let me get this straight. I am supposed to take my mind out of the gutter and leave the rest of my body there? I don't know, if I do that I might be in worse off shape.

LN


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 11:48 PM

Bonnie, put your bod anywhere you want......just get yourself nekkid and all will be well....leave on the white socks though.

Spaw


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Rich(bodhránai gan ciall)
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 11:51 PM

Bonnie, Listen to him. He's wise beyond his years.

Yet another practical use for Spaw!

(I was only kidding about the mind in the gutter bit)

Rich


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: rangeroger
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 02:21 AM

I just spent way too much time at the Society for the Preservation of Artificial Wildlife website.I now have a SPAW site bookmarked.Thanks for the link Noreen.

rr


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Joe Offer
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 03:11 AM

There is no practical use for Spaw whatsoever.

We keep him around for his esthetic value.


..and he makes us laugh.
-Joe-


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: alison
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 03:50 AM

sex slave?....


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: wysiwyg
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 07:52 AM

Spaw was the first to welcome me here, I think, and so he is a fine welcome mat. Thing is, he isn't the sort that will let you wipe your feet on him. No, once you tread on him you are transformed into a creature of creativity and wicked humor.

I think he's dangerous.

~Susan


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Troll
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 08:00 AM

Joe, you are correct as always. And why does there need to be a PRACTICAL use for Spaw? He makes us laugh and, when it is necessary, he makes us think. He is funny and sensitive and caring; everything that a friend should be.
And he'd probably make a pretty good door-stop.

troll


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: wysiwyg
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 08:23 AM

Mbo's outing is described at:

http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=26173&messages=63

(Sorry I can't clicky yet on this computer. Soon.)

~S~


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: hesperis
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 12:25 PM

http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=26173


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 06:27 PM

Bonnie, Spaw is right about the white socks...leave 'em on, especially if you have bad circulation. It will help keep the little bod warm, and won't really interfere with anything else.

I once had numerous encounters with a female who shall remain nameless here, and she showed a marked reluctance to remove her socks under even the most trying circumstances...due to terminally cold feet (in the physical sense, not the emotional, thankfully...).

In the strict sense of feet she was, and probably still is, a virgin. How about that, eh?

Maybe it's a Canadian syndrome. It is rumoured to get rather cold in this country, after all, which is amusing to remember when one is frying eggs on the sidewalk in downtown Toronto in August. I don't recommend eating said eggs, by the way...except in Spaw's case! He can pass anything.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Rich(bodhránai gan ciall)
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 10:09 PM

I don't know. I think aeshetic value and making us laugh are both practical uses. I'm not counting but I don't think we've reached 100 yet. (and that's even if we counted getting Little Neo nekkid as 2 uses)

Rich


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: hesperis
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 10:54 PM

Well, we can't use Spaw as a food tester... He seems to be the equivalent of a goat in that respect.

What's with the lawn flamingo thing? I've got a picture in my front hallway of a middle aged couple standing on the steps of a building, surveying their front lawn with non-identical expressions, the lawn is, of course, COVERED in plastic pink flamingos.

I'm surprised it was a human couple, and not a couple of GIANT pink flamingos. It would make more sense if it was their brood on the lawn. (Maybe it is...) The man is standing there, with a very proud expression on his face. The woman is looking at the camera with a long-suffering weariness. It is a horrible picture. It's really spooky to pass it in the hallway when the power is out, and there's a cold bluish glow from the generator lights..... ::shudder::

I have never seen so many plastic flamingos in my life.

I once tried to hide the picture but my landlord found it and put it up again.

Why? Tell me why?!!!!!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Tinker
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 10:57 PM

I was thinking really hard, but my husband actually came up with a great use. He was laughing through the last trip in his boss' new car which has one of those computuers that tells you where to go.
Literally... and out loud. Now I think we all know that if Spaw controlled the program the wrong turn on the highway would not be greeted by ..."Please take the next U-turn..." And think what it might say when you let the gas tank get down to fumes.....Cross country trekking would never be the same.
Tinker


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 11:43 PM

I think Spaw would be cool to do the play-by-play sportscaster routine at roller derby and women's competition volleyball. What say, Spaw?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: hesperis
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 12:19 AM

"Oh, look at that ass! What form!" - Spaw as Sportcaster.

Little Hawk, I don't think that would work out...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 12:24 AM

Yeah, you're probably right...but it would be fun while it lasted...LOL!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: catspaw49
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 12:29 AM

........which on network TV would be about 7 seconds.

Spaw


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 12:34 AM

Har! Har! :-D


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Rich(bodhránai gan ciall)
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 12:39 AM

7 seconds of pure bliss, and then we get you a gig on cable. It could work, you'll see.

Rich


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: hesperis
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 01:10 AM

"And here comes the *beep*ing *beeeeep* women's team"

*broadcast has been cancelled due to offensive content.*
*Please turn up the volume in order to watch an hour of our sponsor's ((subliminal)) messages instead of the sports show. ((That you didn't really want to watch anyway when you can watch commercials instead, right?))*
*Thank you for your attention*
- ((and your paycheck. It's being held in ransom for you at your local Zehrs Superstore, until you buy all the products we put on screen here today.)) Kraft Cheese! ((nothing better than cheese. Put it on everything. It's not food unless it's got cheese on it. And it's not cheese unless it's Kraft.)) ...


You get the idea.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Metchosin
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 01:18 AM

Well besides stopping a herd of buffalo, how about the Mudcat's entrant in an official Farting Contest. I'm sure with his fine musical ability, he's mastered most of the following

1) Body Language - bending over and spreading your cheeks is NOT considered "artistic interpretation". A "slight bend of the knee and squeezing off a quick one", however, is.

2) Tonal Quality - a higher pitched fart might be heard by a large number of dogs in the area but low frequency farts are, in general, considered easier for judges to detect and are more aesthetically pleasing. The lowest frequencies of farts get higher marks and if you're able of "shake the earth" or "blow out a few TV sets in the area", you'll probably win the competition on spectator applause alone.

3) Timbre (not to be confused with timber) - this quality of the fart registers more clearly with judges on calm days when winds are below 5 mph. The timbre of a fart, or it's tonality, should not be confused with tonal quality (see #2) as the timbre of a fart has more to do with over-tones and resonant frequencies (sub-harmonics). This "blending of tones" is what gives farts their nearly fluid quality.

4) Sustain - obviously, the longer a competitor can sustain a fart, the more time the judges have to judge it. A few judges seem to prefer the sharp staccato and attack of a quick, high pitched fart while others prefer the low frequencies of the long, drawn out, bone rattling farts produced by ingesting large quantities of beer and pickled eggs. Again, some observation of judges reactions are in order. A quick look over one's shoulder generally allows the competitor to judge the judge's reactions and make adjustments accordingly.

5) Tremolo - the effect of adding tremolo to farts is always pleasing to both judges and spectators. A large number of "oooo"s and "aaahhhhh"s are usually heard from crowds when the tremolo effect is added to a fart. Extra points (for technique) are often awarded by judges as well. This is considered a "high degree of difficulty fart".

6) Reverberation - reverb effects that are added to farts carry the highest degree of difficulty and should not, under any circumstances, be attempted by any competitor in any category other than Masters Class Farters. Since this effect carries such a high degree of difficulty, a "botched reverb fart" usually leaves judges scratching their heads and trying to figure out just what the hell that noise was, and often points are deducted. Since crowds, on the other hand, are not as well versed in the rules of judging, a misplaced reverberated fart here and there might be drowned out by the applause. Again ... as in rule #5 ... check for judges reactions.

7) Attack - a fart that sounds like it's just ripped a hole in your shorts will, more often than not, win high marks. However, timing is critical. During low wind conditions and soft, melodic musical passages, the sharp, staccato sound of a "super fart" is NOT received well by judges. A more drawn out, almost soft, melodic delivery is, in this case, warranted. For heavy metal and polka music, the sharper the better. If the competitor can actually make a stain in his or her trousers, this added treat is usually awarded extra points. It does not carry a high degree of difficulty though and should be used sparingly. There's a fine line between "artistic interpretation" and crapping in one's pants.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: GUEST,micca at work
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 06:38 AM

This is easy, Spaw is a friend, you do not use your friends.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 06:52 AM

I was going to suggest landfill - but I won't 'cause he's been nice to me lately. Besides, who would handle all the malpractice suits at the NYCFTTS if we lost him? Is there space for one more national icon on Mount Rushmore? If not his face then perhaps.... (eeow,let's not go there!)
RtS


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Helen
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 07:32 AM

hesperis,

I'm just correcting your typo: "3. He could be the God of a credulous fertility cult"

I'm sure it should have read "fartility cult" (see Metchosin's definitive catalogue)

A reminder: Just when you thought it was relatively safe to be near 'Spaw, he will soon be doing Vegemite farts. A whole new level, a transcendence from his current seemingly perfect performances.

Helen


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: GUEST,micca at work
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 09:17 AM

What pillock sent 'Spaw vegemite??? Giant tsunami? forget it, the cloud of poison gas in Ohio will be the next environmental disaster!!!!!never mind what it will do to the Ozone layer!!!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: catspaw49
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 10:12 AM

Damn Mets!!!! That's a real piece of work, finely crafted!!! LMAOWROTF!!!!

And many thanks for other kinds words as well.....but an especial thanks to Helen (She is the one Micca....I'm waiting for a Vegemite fix)!!! Micca my friend, with the prevailing winds and all I figure you have 4-6 days after the Vegemite, so I'll let you know in advance.

Spaw


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Micca
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 01:34 PM

Thanks china, all advance warning gratefully received

There was a Mudcatter called Spaw
who stuck Vegemite in his jaw
the rumblings abdomenal
were simply phenomenal
and broke many an environment law

But Spaw using some of his wiles
made noise that elicited smiles
The bad news was the pong
was incredibly strong
and killed all the grasses for miles


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: hesperis
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 07:07 PM

Well, he could be the top Dog of a fartility cult...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Troll
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 07:18 PM

Let's quit gassin' about this and get back to the subject at hand: to wit, 100 uses for Spaw.
He just could be the answer to the energy crunch.If we could just figure out a way to get a hose "up there".
But I don't think we could get ANYONE drunk enough to do the job.***sigh***

troll


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Helen
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 07:51 PM

'Spaw, thanks for confiming to Micca that I am a pillock! Eternal gratitude (not!). BG

Troll,

I think Cleigh O'Possum might be up for the job - fitting retribution, poetic justice, karma, and all that!

Helen


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Oct 00 - 12:43 AM

Well, we are rolling along nicely here. I will soon have to count the "uses" and see how we're doing...

Further possible uses:

Jumbo size paperweight.

Sleeping marathons. He who sleeps longest and deepest wins, but comas do not count. REM is required to qualify.

Slow draw competition.

George Bush/Al Gore impressions.

Jesse Helms impressions ("the fart that walks like a man").

Bodyguard for Monica Lewinsky.

Arch-supervillain in the next Austin Powers movie.

Human cannonball propellant.

Musk ox sexer (similar to a chicken sexer, but a far more dangerous occupation...).

Cape Buffalo sexer (ditto).

Gorilla sexer (need I say more...).

Counterweight on large crane or similar apparatus.

Figurehead on cruise ship HMS Indecipherable.

Ship's cook on HMS Indegistable.

Captain of cruise ship HMS Incontinent.

Extreme mudwrestling commentator.

Reviewer for "Flatulent Monthly" magazine.

Crash test dummy.

Cigar store mannequin (Indians are out...too politically incorrect at the present time).

Lawn statue for Halloween.

Gargoyle on local cathedral...or bell ringer for same.

Speechwriter for both Gore and Bush!!! That would spice up the blasted interminable election better than Jesse Ventura ever could in his wildest dreams.

Mirror tester. If it don't break, it's a good strong mirror.

(the use of the word "don't" above was a case of deliberately wrong grammar, Sophocleese...for effect)

Or as Dylan said..."and I seen, or rather I have saw"

Thank you, Spaw, for being the kind of guy who can inspire lunatic threads like this one! A friend indeed!

- LH


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Metchosin
Date: 13 Oct 00 - 12:56 AM

Spaw, I'd like to take a bow but it might prove dangerous, given the topic, besides, I can't take credit for the "finer points of farting" it was from somebodies website, but the rest smelled worse than what I posted, so I didn't make a link.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: hesperis
Date: 13 Oct 00 - 09:41 AM

I might possibly win a sleep marathon, as long as no-one played dirty.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Troll
Date: 13 Oct 00 - 09:56 AM

Helen,ROFLMAO.

troll


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Bert
Date: 13 Oct 00 - 04:41 PM

Skiff, That would be on THE BACK of Mount Rushmore.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Rich(bodhránai gan ciall)
Date: 13 Oct 00 - 11:49 PM

Spaw is Spam for dyslexics.

Ok that one was bad but we're getting desperate to hit 100.

Rich


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Ebbie
Date: 14 Oct 00 - 04:28 AM

A maitre de at a ritzy restaurant? I can just see Spaw, spotless cloth over his bent arm approaching Mr and Mrs Rich Bitch and bowing low...

Or perhaps, along those same lines, he could be the trainer for fire drills in large buildings, where speed of departure is of the essence.

Or he could be the designated cuddler for the neighborhood youngsters and house pets.

His choice- depending on which of his facets he wishes to expose. LOL

Ebbie


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Oct 00 - 06:15 PM

This is good. I think we have achieved the intended objective here, and found at least 100 practical uses for Spaw...so I wish to officially end this thread, and say THANKS


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Oct 00 - 06:16 PM

This is good. I think we have achieved the intended objective here, and found at least 100 practical uses for Spaw...so I wish to officially end this thread, and say THANKS to all you Mudcatters for your kind submissions to it. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

- LH


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: catspaw49
Date: 16 Oct 00 - 06:20 PM

Well LH, since the thread was already dead, it wasn't needed, now were it? That makes use 101 as pointing out your deficiencies, damn near a full time job in itself!

Spaw


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: hesperis
Date: 30 May 01 - 01:38 AM

Oh, come on... there are only 90 posts here... surely we can come up with a few more uses for him...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 May 01 - 01:53 AM

Omigod, not this one again!

Okay, did anyone mention as a plug for a dike somewhere in Holland? I said "dike", not "dyke", okay?

- LH


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: CarolC
Date: 30 May 01 - 02:10 AM

Well, he is the inventor of the electric powered riding dildo, and the new, improved riding dildo with the extra wide cutting width...

Subject: RE: BS: Kendalls apology From: catspaw49 Date: 04-Nov-00 - 08:53 PM

Actually Carol, you can get the new riding dildo with the 36" cut........New and Improved....Much better model. You'll find yourself volunteering to cut the local football field twice a week.

Subject: RE: BS: Kendalls apology From: catspaw49 Date: 04-Nov-00 - 09:17 PM

Carol, you'll be happy to know its ecologically safe, being solar powered....which should really heat things up. The solar generator drives a bellows affair off an accordion (right down your alley, so to speak) which not only drives the blades, but provides a pulsating action to the semi-pneumatic 22" whang. Any excess air pressure is bled off through a pop-off valve in the rear which blows a stream of cool air across your ass.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: mooman
Date: 30 May 01 - 03:31 AM

Well I didn't read this thread before so my apologies if I'm repeating somebody!

How about simply keeping Mudcat on a humourous, even, knowledgeable, irreverent but respectful and generally enjoyable keel.

This is a practical use he fulfils already and has done for a long time and longer still may it continue!

mooman (ex-mcmoo)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: GUEST,bbc at work
Date: 30 May 01 - 11:59 AM

I have to confess that I didn't have the time to read this entire thread during lunch. I don't know if this has already been said, but I've "used him" more than once for friendship! Love you, Pat! So, how's the health, anyway?

bbc


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: mousethief
Date: 30 May 01 - 12:15 PM

'E 'elps me when I start to take meself too seriously. Seriously.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: catspaw49
Date: 30 May 01 - 12:20 PM

Aw geez, it got serious.......Thank you Beebs, Mooman, and Mouse......and thanks to Carol for reminding me of yet another product from "Fly-By-Night Industries."

Spaw


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 May 01 - 12:30 PM

Weren't they the guys that manufactured the BatPlane?

- LH


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: SINSULL
Date: 30 May 01 - 12:51 PM

Spaw's home is the perfect dumping ground for toys from hell. His kids love them enough that he wouldn't dare toss them. "Turkey In The Straw" singing turkey coming your way soon, Pat.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: mousethief
Date: 30 May 01 - 01:06 PM

He also makes nurses and anesthesiologists laugh.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Caitrin
Date: 30 May 01 - 01:08 PM

Man...I go off to the beach for a few days, and I miss a thread like this?! Why is it that when I'm here all we do is snipe at each other, and when I leave, all the good stuff happens? Is this some kind of comment on me, y'all? :)
Anyway, my whining aside...practical uses for Spaw. I think he'd be a great superhero. "SPAWMAN!!! Saving the world from Self-Importance, Self-Righteousness, and Stupidity!" See? It's fun to say. Lots of nice alliteration. He could have a dulcimer for a weapon and a possum for one of those little companion deals like Falcor's falcon. I'm thinking he'd be kinda like SpaceGhost, complete with the Spank Ray. That's practical, right?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: JeZeBeL
Date: 30 May 01 - 01:31 PM

Wow, I love threads like this.

Basically cos I LOVE to be evil....

Here goes......

1)CRASH TEST DUMMIE

2)SLEEPING POLICEMAN (SPEED BUMP)

3)GUINIE PIG FOR NEW MAKE UP PRODUCTS

4) GUINIE PIG FOR NEW MEDICAL RESEARCH

Are these supposed to be nice things?.....oh well.....

5)THE BALL ON THE END OF CRANES FOR KNOCKING DOWN FLATS N HOUSES

I'll put me brain in gear n c what else I can come up with. There's loads in here, just give me chance!!

JEZ xxx


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 May 01 - 01:36 PM

Sounds like one of those old movie posters..."WITH A BULLWHIP IN ONE HAND AND A VIBRATOR IN THE OTHER, HE TAMED A SAVAGE NATION!!!" But seriously, saving the world from Self-Importance, Self-Righteousness, and Stupidity is a huge, huge job. Gotta admire that Spaw!

I vote we launch a national collection drive for those goddamn talking fish toys (Billy the Bass, is it?), and send 'em all to Spaw in gratitude for his many contributions to this forum.

- LH


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Kim C
Date: 30 May 01 - 01:41 PM

HOw did I miss this before? I guess I thought it was going to be all mean or something and I didn't want to be party to that.

Anyway, I just sorta like him, even if he is a grapefruit... even if he did suggest putting a cat up my ass once.....................

:-D


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: wdyat12
Date: 30 May 01 - 01:46 PM

Speaking as one of the OSHA certified crane mechanics on Mudcat, The ball at the end of a crane is called a "Headache Ball." What a cruel use for SPAW.

wdyat12


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: hesperis
Date: 30 May 01 - 04:50 PM

Actually, Spaw wouldn't have to be the BALL at the end of the crane. He could just turn around, and aim a good one at the building to be demolished.

Want no building? No problem!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: JeZeBeL
Date: 30 May 01 - 09:06 PM

Headache ball sounds about right for spaw. I think I made a VERY good sugestion!!

Sorry spaw, said I was evil.

Emma *grin* :) xxx

P.S- if u don't believe me, ask Ian, Sam n Bill how evil I am when u meet them.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: catspaw49
Date: 30 May 01 - 09:39 PM

I'll do that Emma, while I'm eating the 6 Cookies and Cream bars I bought for you.

Spaw


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Spud Murphy
Date: 31 May 01 - 06:09 PM

Had a hound like that once't. Wuthless varmint ain't no use a-tall.

Spud


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: JeZeBeL
Date: 31 May 01 - 08:28 PM

That's just blackmail spaw.......

What can I ever do to make it up....I'm so sorry, I am truly and honestly.....if i am evil I don't usually mean it....honest.......

................now about those hershey bars........

*sweet innocent little grin*

theeverlovingkindheartedinnocentunevilsaintemma


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: 100 practical uses for Spaw...
From: Mrs.Duck
Date: 01 Jun 01 - 06:37 PM

Save her from herself 'spaw -eat the bars! Or better still donate them to a wildfowl trust say maybe Ducks'r'us!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate
  Share Thread:
More...

Reply to Thread
Subject:  Help
From:
Preview   Automatic Linebreaks   Make a link ("blue clicky")


Mudcat time: 22 May 11:20 PM EDT

[ Home ]

All original material is copyright © 2022 by the Mudcat Café Music Foundation. All photos, music, images, etc. are copyright © by their rightful owners. Every effort is taken to attribute appropriate copyright to images, content, music, etc. We are not a copyright resource.