BS: Oneupmanship

Subject: Oneupmanship
From: GUEST,kendall
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 02:39 PM

OK Naemanson, this was your idea. Put 'em up, put 'em up!! My year started off with driving to Florida for the winter. I got as far as Connecticut when the transmission started acting up. Scratch one tranny and one trip to Fla. The, after repeated bouts of laryngitis, I ended up in the hospital to have some plaque and a cyst removed from my vocal chords. While I was in the hospital they buried a friend of 50 years. For a solid month, I had no speaking voice at all. Slowly, that has returned, but I still lack about 20% of my singing voice.
Around the first of October, I went to light my furnace and found that it had become junk over the summer. (cracks in the heat exchanger) Big bucks to replace!
That was still in my craw when I suddenly developed Bell's Palsy! No control over my lip on the right side among other things! Couldnt go out in public like that...
"course I'm used to adversity, even as a boy back home, there were 13 of us and we lived in a shoe box in the middle of the road...
Now, Hollowfox, I know that not one word of this will ease your pain, but, believe that everything is temporary, and that you are loved.
Ok, Naemansen...go..

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: GUEST,kendall
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 02:43 PM

Sorry, I meant to add the upside of all this..
The car problem served to allow me to spend some time with dear friends Sandy and Caroline Paton.
I was also forced to buy a good car.
I now have a more effecient furnace, and, the Palsy is gone thanks to new meds.

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: SINSULL
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 02:47 PM

And you made it to Florida, right?

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: catspaw49
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 02:59 PM

In Kendall's case, he also shaved his beard ( and evidentally harpy shaved hers if that thread is to be believed ), resulting in a people mistaking him for a mutant acorn squash. Edgar Cayce remained dead until a combination of hydraulics and Viagra stirred himto life again, the downside of which was Kendall's arrest and conviction for a Class I Misdemeanor, "Sexual Imposition with a Yak." His house is still being overrun with paper as he can't shut off his printer and he now has 7,848,549 copies of an Ani DiFranco song with only 17 words, 13 of them garbled. Ther are a few other things too, but I hate to get into the story of his failed porn site with the pictures of short Eskimo women in plaid panties feeding deformed mullet to sled dogs.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: LR Mole
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 03:02 PM

Have to mullet over. Salmon janet evening.

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: DougR
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 06:25 PM

Jeeze, Kendall, I was feelin' pretty sorry for you until I read Spaw's thread. Now I'm feeling VERY sorry for you.

DougR

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: Morticia
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 06:32 PM

Look at it this way,Kendall,you may have had a crap year but at least you don't live downwind of Catspaw.

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: GUEST,Skipjack
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 06:34 PM

My baby left me. My Mule got lame. I lost my money in a poker game. Windstorm came, just the other day, blew the house that I lived in away.

Did you have a Heineken between posts 1 & 2, Kendall?

Skipjack

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: Metchosin
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 06:56 PM

gee speaking of Viagra....... An old man called his doctor the other day and wanted to know if he could "Get some of that there Viagra?" The doctor told him to come down to his office and he would write up a prescription to take to the pharmacist. The old man asked if the doctor could get the pharmacist to cut the pills in quarters. The doctor replied, "I can't do that, you need the whole pill in order to get the full effect!" The old man exclaimed "H**l! I don't want the full effect, I just want it to stick out far enough sos I don't p**s in my slippers!"

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: Sorcha
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 07:12 PM

LOL, Methosin!! Oh, gawd that is funny! Hadn't heard that one.

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: Troll
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 07:29 PM

I don't need Viagra. I have arthritis.

troll

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: Naemanson
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 07:32 PM

Well, gee, Kendall, I didn't think anyone would take me up on this. How about some rules for this game. First of all we need to acknowledge that this is a game so personal tragedy immediately wins. The prize is the pooling of Mudcat empathy and support.

Also, it's easy to claim to have had a bad year. You know how mine has been. It can't match the death of a long time friend but, from my perspective, it almost does. So I propose we put a time limit on this. One-upmanship for a shorter period of time, say one week prior to the post.

If you agree to this then let's have at it. Lay on Kendall/MacDuff! And any others who want to play.

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: Naemanson
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 07:44 PM

My first entry (for the week of 10/16):

PMAP team: I work for good old Uncle Sam and have to deal with bureacracy on a daily basis. I currently have a team visiting my office, tearing through our files, interviewing our customers and co-workers, and questioning everything we do and how and why we do it that way.

Problem Contactor: (As you read this part consider if you please the USS Cole.) While I am dealing with the PMAP team I was asked to clear up a problem between a contractor and his ex-employee. It seems the employee they had fired left with the key to one of our buildings. The building contained papers, materials, and tools for completing the work. The emplyee had filed a legal letter with us forbidding us from entering our own building. We had security open the building and we filmed what we found inside prior to disturbing any of it. We filmed the desk, the materials on the floor, the bookcase and then we found the bomb! The bomb squad brought in a dog which confirmed the identity. I spent the rest of the day between a panicky team of bureacrats ("There are bombs on this base?") and the federal law enforcement officals. The employee, in the course of working for that contractor, has been in every building on the base. They have since found three more bombs.

Do you need more?

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: SINSULL
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 10:41 PM

"If you can keep your wits when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you..."
and
"We're still a livin' so everything's OK"
According to my score:
Kendall gets two sighs, a hug, and a tissue to wipe the drool. (Joke! Now that your Bells Palsy is under control)
Naemanson gets a gasp and two points for the hat and the beard.
I am ready for Round 2. When do we get to vote you off the island?

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: Bugsy
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 11:06 PM

I think the problem is, Kendall, that you keep all this pain and suffering to yourself. You should let others in on your suffering, Spread it about a bit, let others who don't have any suffering and pain of their own have some of yours. Don't be selfish now, spread it around.

Only don't give me any, I've got enough of my own!

Cheers

Bugsy

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: hesperis
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 11:23 PM

No wonder kendall is such an ass about Mbo.

Sorry kendall, didn't realize that you were acting out of pain. I just saw the pain you were inflicting on one of my friends.

Know that the Mudcat support team is with you too.

~*sirepseh*~

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: Sorcha
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 11:27 PM

Well, I'd get in on this but my last week has been really good. All the CRAP has been in the last 2 years, which is really far enough back for me to go. Sorry, I would rather not have to go back there again. Serious Crap is not really something to make fun of. Sorry.

RANT OFF.

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: catspaw49
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 11:32 PM

Naes...you got my vote for this past week. In my case, I figure any week I ain't havin' an aneurysm and going into a coma is a good week.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: Naemanson
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 12:18 PM

Yeah, Spaw, I have a friend here at work who was a sergeant in the Army in Nam. His favorite saying is that "It ain't raining, I ain't in the mud, and nobody's shooting at me. It's gotta be a good day."

Compared to some our lives are pictures of ease and rest. We need to keep that in mind when we are complaining about our lot in life. Kendall, for example, has had it tough this year. It is very easy for me to compare my problems to his because we each have our own perspective. Remember that the center of the universe changes with each step we take.

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 01:30 PM

My mother has these words of wisdom framed over the kitchen sink:
In this life there are few dragons, only small insects and stepping in gum. I could deal with a dragon...

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: Troll
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 01:47 PM

I dunno. As my buddy,Crazy Harry, used to say;"If it ain't spiders, it's red ants."
Theres always something. Like Spaw said, if I fog the mirror when I shave in the morning, I figure I'm ahead of the game so far.

troll

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 01:50 PM

Oneupmanship? Remember those stupid Ken-L Ration ads?

"My dog's deader than your dog! My dog's deader than yours! My dog's deader cos he ate Ken-L Ration, my dog's deader than yours!"

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: Morticia
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 02:07 PM

I know many people will have seen this but it seemed appropriate somehow:

At a seminar called "Stress and Disease" by Dr. Nickolas Hall, an expert in psychobiology, gave an example of a coping skill for job stress which I would like to share with you. When you have had one of those 'Take This Job And Shove It' days, try this:

On your way home after work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the section where they have thermometers. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by "Q-tip". Be sure that you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy. Change to comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down on your bed. Open the package containing the thermometer, remove the thermometer, and carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken. Take the written material that accompanies the thermometer and as you read it you will notice in small print the statement that says "every rectal thermometer made by Q-tip is PERSONALLY tested.

Now close your eyes and say out loud five times, "I am so glad that I do not work in quality control at the Q-tip company."

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 02:29 PM

Oh dear. The thermometer tester has both Naem and Ken beat out flat. Do you guys surrender?

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: Naemanson
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 05:02 PM

I just got done with a U.S. Government audit team. I'd volunteer to work as a Q-tip quality control specialist!

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 05:16 PM

Naemanson,
I thought that the first rule of military service was "Never Volunteer". This QC job involves PERSONALLY testing every rectal thermometer that Q-tip produces. Still eager to give it a go?

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: mousethief
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 05:19 PM

It doesn't say it was rectally tested. They probably just test them for accuracy of temperature reading. Right? Right? Please say I'm right!

Ewwwwww......

Alex
O..O
=o=

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: Naemanson
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 05:33 PM

You don't understand. Living through a Government audit makes that personal testing job sound squeaky clean.

Did you ever laugh at the phrase "Hi I'm from the Government. I'm here to help you."? The reason it's funny is that it's so true.

Curious - Do our friends in other nations have the same or similar saying?

Anyway, you should know that there is almost no difference between that job at the Q-tip factory and servicing an auditor except that I'd rather test thermometers!

But I do exaggerate. They were very friendly and outgoing and personable. They were very taken with our little office and our friendly open methods of doing business. They said lots of nice things about us and went away content they had done a good job.

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 06:22 PM

They're monitoring this website, aren't they? Poor guy. They were more of a problem than the bombs. Now I have to ask this given that I believed the "Hacking into Praise's PMs Story". There really were bombs, right? I didn't miss a joke or punchline, did I?

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: Naemanson
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 08:20 PM

Unfortunately, Sinsull, there really were bombs. The latest word is that they were only smoke bombs but that doesn't make anyone any happier. Base Security is having kittens and putting the bomb sniffing dogs through their paces.

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: Troll
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 09:31 PM

Auditors are the people who come out after the battle is over and bayonet the wounded. I am not a fan of auditors or their soul-mates, survey teams.

troll...and so to sleep, perchance to dream. Goodnight sweet...

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: Hollowfox
Date: 24 Oct 00 - 04:39 PM

Actually, Kendall, I was just a bit temporarily overwhelmed, but your even thinking of me brightened my day when I read this today. There's a hug here for you, if you want it. Naemanson, there's one for you, too, and a bracing drink of whatever you please, whenever we should meet.

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: Naemanson
Date: 24 Oct 00 - 04:41 PM

The hug is gratefully accepted in this virtual world but I'll hold you to that drink only in the real world! *BG*

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: kendall
Date: 24 Oct 00 - 08:46 PM

One of these days, I'll collect in person..
I shouldn't complain really, things ar'nt as bad as they were two years ago, when, in the space of 6 months, I lost my wife, my house and my dog...(damn, I wish I could write country songs!) Since then, I got a new dog and another house, so 2 out of 3 aint bad.
Spaw..you really are certifiable! that was a riot!
But, as Gordon Bok would say.."the world is always turning toward the morning.."

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: Matt_R
Date: 24 Oct 00 - 08:49 PM

2 out of 3 ain't bad? Check it out folks! Kendall's quoting Meatloaf from Bat Out Of Hell!

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: GUEST,bbc at work
Date: 25 Oct 00 - 11:57 AM

I know this doesn't compare, but I'm feeling a little sorry for myself, so I thought I'd mention it, anyway. On my 1-hr commute this am in the dark, a young deer buck & I met at the driver's side corner of my car. Both the deer & the car ended up the worse for wear & I felt very sad to have hurt one of God's creatures. For now, the commute is a condition of supporting my family, so I will just try to be more alert & react faster for the next times which will surely occur. I hope for the best for the deer; I've got car repairs to deal w/, assuming I can safely drive home. kendall, Duane ended up w/ Bell's Palsy as a side effect of Lyme Disease & had quite a time w/ it. Brett, do try to dodge those bombs; I hope to see you again, intact! catspaw, Wyo sent bubble capes for the kids, just in time for Halloween. She's too much, isn't she?!

best, anyway,

bbc

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: Naemanson
Date: 25 Oct 00 - 12:37 PM

You're in the lead this week, Barbara, earning you a Mudcat hug and best wishes. Plus a big sigh of relief that YOU weren't injured. I feel bad for the deer but would feel much worse if you had been hurt.

Of course now you also have to deal with repairs. That's a pain but can be dealt with.

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: bbc
Date: 25 Oct 00 - 06:53 PM

Thanks for letting me "win", Brett. The deer evidentally managed to bounce off both the side & the front of my car, breaking 2 plastic panels, demolishing my grill, & making some pretty impressive dents in the metal. Duane thinks that he can repair it all himself. Considering that I had just dropped compresensive insurance this fall, that was certainly good news! Did I mention that, last Thursday when I came out of work, one of my 2-month old)tires was flat as a pancake w/ a nail in it? With the help of AAA, I had 2 1/2 hours before the tire was changed. Then, I tried to gently drive the hour home on the (1987) doughnut spare. 15 minutes from home, I got pulled over for going 45 on the parkway & driving w/ my flashers on. I was told that the spare was good for 50 miles at 50 mph. Well, since I had at least 50 miles to go, at the start, it had made sense to me to take it easy. For the last 15 minutes, I *did* drive 50 & it was a lot more comfortable. Boy, that was a night when it felt good to get home! To add insult to injury, however, BJ's claimed I had driven on the flat & that the tire was not repairable. I was out $50 for a new tire over the weekend. I figure things will get better, worse, or stay the same. :)

bbc

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: bbc
Date: 25 Oct 00 - 06:58 PM

P.S.--I'm sorry, I must be feeling really yacky at the moment. One more thing, it seems I brought a variation of the Melissa virus home from school (not the kind that propagates by email!). It had infected all my recent Word documents, but cleaned up easily w/ McAfee. The bad news is that it in on 5 out of 12 of the computers in my library (that supposedly have anit-virus protection). So much for protection! I had to notify our tech guy. I'll be curious to see what he says/does.

done for now, I think,

bbc

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: Naemanson
Date: 25 Oct 00 - 07:06 PM

Well, Barbara, I didn't say you'd won but you certainly are in the lead and with this last bad news you've pulled way out in front. Actually, unles someone suffers a personal catastrophe I'd say you've won with most of the week left to go!

The best I can come up with is that my computer at work started to die yesterday. That is more than offset by the fact that in an unrelated series of events my new computer arrived and it is a beauty. It has a clock speed of 800 and something mega hertz and a CD burner and all the bells and whistles. You should see how fast the Mudcat loads on that baby coming in as it does over a T1 line. Of course Shorty is now the hold up but that I'll have to live with.

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: Hollowfox
Date: 26 Oct 00 - 09:41 AM

Hey, bbc, those deer are fast. If you'd been driving slow enough to avoid the situation, a cop would have pulled you over for driving too slow. As for hurting one of God's creatures, it was accidental, so don't let the guilt pile up too much.If it came about as part of a decision you made, that would be another story. Maybe my astrology enthusiast friend was right; there seems to be some kind of cosmic traffic jam going on. She says it'll be over around November 7 (election day in the USA). Hmmm...

Subject: RE: BS: Oneupmanship
From: GUEST,bbc at work
Date: 26 Oct 00 - 11:59 AM

Ah, Hollowfox,

Decisions, decisions...If I had left home 5 minutes earlier, if I had taken the alternate route--no deer or a whole herd? Was I destined to collide w/ a deer that day? BTW, I figured out that he hit me. Although I still feel bad, that helped some w/ the guilt. Thanks, all!

bbc

BTW, today I got to work w/ 4 round tires & without hitting any deer. By the new standards, that makes it a good day!