Lyr Add: I Don't Do Moguls + The Seder Night Rap

Subject: Lyr Add: THE SEDER NIGHT RAP^^ etc.
From:
Date: 29 Aug 97 - 07:35 AM

This is for Rechal and whoever else was on the thread "Songs for Scouts." (I think that was the thread)

I promised to post a couple of things written by my Dad's friends. I should explain that these were commissioned by Boys Week International, a "conglomerate organisation" which came about following the annual week-long holidays in various European Ski resorts of 10 men over the age of 21 (but they wouldn't admit it). A range of Boys Week products should be available in all good retail shops in the next millenium.

And on with the Songs.

I DON'T DO MOGULS (to the theme "I won't send Roses" from the musical 'Mack and Mabel', Music - Jerry Herman)

I don't do Moguls, I don't do Black,
I don't do Fearless, attack I lack,
I don't do Ice or Downhill Schuss,
I like to stand and wait in queues,
I don't do Pain, Mike,
Never again, Mike...

I don't climb Glaciers to see the views,
That's good for Goyim, its not for Jews,
I don't do sharing rooms with Men,
I don't do getting up till ten,
These things I don't do,
Although I'm wont to...

I don't do Tongue, Mike, out of Control,
Tongue's good with mustard on a kaiser roll,
You schmucks just love to SKI OFF PISTE,
I LIKE THAT LEAST,
Ask me again Mike, but,
I DON'T EVER DO THE BOWL...

Copyright - The White Flash.

I should explain that Mike is my Dad, and 'The Tongue' and 'The Bowl' are very difficult off-piste runs in a Ski resort in France. (The Tongue is so called because it looks like one, and goes almost vertical in the middle).

This next one is the Seder Night Rap I talked about in another thread (I think it was the Four Questions thread) and which will give Passover new meaning for me for ever.

THE SEDER NITE RAP

Now this is the story of Moses and his guys,
Who wanna give Egypt fond goodbyes,
It's too much, baby, they've had their fill,
Schlepping dem stones, now they just wanna chill!
Uh-huh, uh huh!

Chorus:
Oh praise de Lord and your hands gotta clap,
And boogie down the mountain to de Seder nite Rap!

So Moses went down to see the Man,
He said "Gimme Five Pharaoh, cause I gotta plan!
We've toiled with rigour, we've done that stuff,
We're outta here, baby, enough is enough!
Uh-huh, Uh-huh

Chorus:
Oh praise de Lord and your foot's gotta tap,
And Boogie down the Mountain to the Seder Nite Rap

Now this Pharaoh Man though quite a dude,
None-the-less was kinda shrewd,
"I hear your words, Mose, O.K. that's cool,
Let me think about it while you'se go back to Shool!"
Uh-huh, Uh-huh!

Chorus:
Oh praise the Lord while you fingers snap, etc

Now Pharaoh didn't say just what he meant,
In fact his reply was slightly bent,
"I got problems, Moses Honey, 'N slaves don't cost money
Who in hell d'ya thinks, gonna build my Sphinx?
An' I sure need your Yids for my Pyramids!
Uh-huh, Uh-huh

Chorus:
Oh praise the Lord and your hands gotta clap...

Then Moses said, "I don't dig that jive!
We want outta here while we're still alive!
So come on Pharaoh, now don-cha be vague
Or we'll hit you Mother*&%^ers with several kinds of plague!"
Uh-huh, Uh-huh

Chorus:
Oh praise the Lord and your foot's gotta tap...

Then Pharaoh thought 'This ain't good news,
To get dese plagues from the God of the Jews,
Locusts and Vermin and Hail and Boils,
Dat's not a nice thing for Egyptian Goils!
Uh-huh, uh-huh

But he just said "No" and he wouldn't let 'em go,
He didn't repent and he wouldn't relent,
So Moses made a call to some Mafia Dons,
And took out a contract on de first-born sons.
Uh-huh, uh-huh

Chorus:
Oh praise the Lord while you fingers snap, etc

Pharaoh flipped his lid or cool somehow,
"I want you guts outta here, man, like now!
Pronto! Immediate! Maintenant! Swift!
Hey, Children of Israel, you get my drift?"
Uh-huh, uh-huh

Chorus:
Oh praise the Lord and your hands gotta clap...

Then Moses' tribe were all set free,
Took a tidal walk through the deep Red Sea!
They packed their bags and shed no tears
And hustled in the Wilderness for forty long years!
Uh-huh! Uh-huh!

Chorus:
Oh praise the Lord and your foot's gotta tap...

And the Lord their God proved a mighty fine planner,
And fed them in the Desert on Low fat Manna,
Prescribed tablets for Moses on Mount Sinai,
And brought them to Canaan by and by
Uh-huh, uh-huh

So Shalom Brethren, we wouldn't be here,
But for what Moses and his cats did yesteryear,
He made a bad deal but came up smelling of Roses,
So lets hear it big for our Man Moses!
Uh-huh, uh-huh.

And so we've all got to tell this tale
To each generation without fail,
And kids unborn will hear the news,
How Egypt used to treat us Jews,
Uh-huh, uh-huh!

So Praise the Lord every Saint and Sinner,
Thank (Name) and (Name) for our Seder Nite Dinner,
And one more time quite Loud and clear,
And pray we'll all be back next year!
Oh Praise the Lord and Nochas Schlap
And boogie down the mountain to the Seder Nite Rap!
Put out the lights, turn off the tap
This is the end of my Seder Nite Rap!

Finally, you may have heard of the Maccabiah games, the Jewish version of the Olympics, well my Dad was there this year playing in the British Squash Team. He wasn't far behind the Australians when the bridge collapsed as the participants marched to the Auditorium. Two people died and a third was on intensive care last I heard. Anyway my Dad was moved to write a poem about the event and sent it off to the Jerusalem Post who declined to print it - their excuse "we don't print poetry".

FOR A FEW SHEKELS MORE

O Fiery modern Nation of Six-day fame,
Every fourteenth of July hang your heads in shame,
Not a frenzied Arab gunman, nor a terrorist bomb,
But a mess of mangled metal in the stinking Yarkon.
Pot-bellied councilmen writhe to spread the blame,
But many years must pass before you resurrect your name.
Erect a monumental Bridge, of concrete and steel,
To commemorate your folly, and Australian zeal,
As they hauled their fellow athletes from the wreck and the slime,
Maybe a few shekels more won't seem so crucial next time!

Shalom, Saoirse.

Laoise.

HTML line breaks added. -JoeClone, 3-Aug-01.

Subject: RE: Songs I promised to post. (Laoise)
From: Shula
Date: 29 Aug 97 - 04:58 PM

Laughed so hard I nearly cried! Will be adding The Seder Nite Rap to our permanent collection of seder selections, if you will permit. Hysterical! Thanks for sharing. Shula

Subject: RE: Songs I promised to post. (Laoise)
From:
Date: 31 Aug 97 - 11:51 PM

Thank you mucho matzah Laoise. I'm at my folks house this weekend, so I took the liberty of saving this thread to my stepfather's desktop. I'm sure it will be passed around to the local Jewish Mafia (aka My Parents' Friends).