BS: Progressive PC Blues

Subject: Progressive PC Blues
From: Robby
Date: 03 Nov 00 - 07:51 AM

Yesterday, out of necessity, I had to wear my bifocals to work. As my eyes became more and more tired through the day from using the PC I began playing with words describing how I felt and noticed the rhythm fit nicely into The Battle Hymn of the Republic. However, I only have one verse and a chorus.

Can anyone add to it? It goes like this:

O, mine eyes are getting bleary from my PC video screen;
I don't see many colors now, they're mostly black and green.
If I don't get away from here, I'm surely gonna scream--
Oh, why did I log on?

Chorus
Gateway, Apple, Dell and Unisys
Power Point and Notes by Lotus
Prodigy and Comp-U-Serv us
Oh why did I log on?

Subject: RE: BS: Progressive PC Blues
From: Micca
Date: 03 Nov 00 - 10:01 AM

With Internet Explorer shure I cannot cope at all
I went to spend a penny and it shrunk it self down small
when I came back I tried to click a picture on the wall
oh why did I log on...

Subject: RE: BS: Progressive PC Blues
From: Robby
Date: 03 Nov 00 - 02:36 PM

Doesn't anyone else have a verse or two to contribute?

Subject: RE: BS: Progressive PC Blues
From: Kim C
Date: 03 Nov 00 - 02:54 PM

Illegal operation is the message that I get
Don't know exactly what that means & haven't found out yet
Bill Gates may be a billionaire but he's a stupid get
Oh why did I log on

Subject: RE: BS: Progressive PC Blues
From: mousethief
Date: 03 Nov 00 - 03:02 PM

I wish I had a moment to go see who's at the door
But I'm here reading my emails and just have to read one more
My family's moved to Grandma's and my bottom has bed-sores
Oh why did I log on?

Subject: RE: BS: Progressive PC Blues
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)
Date: 03 Nov 00 - 03:44 PM

What a waste of time it is, to call the helpline centre
Because the f**king screen went blank the very moment I pressed Enter
That is why I call my son the Guru teenage Mentor
Oh why did I log on

Subject: RE: BS: Progressive PC Blues
From: Dharmabum
Date: 03 Nov 00 - 03:55 PM

Before I got a PC my life was just alright
But now I'm on it half the day & well into the night
Mine eyes are getting bloodshot & my brain has taken flight
Oh why did I log on.

DB.

Subject: RE: BS: Progressive PC Blues
From: Robby
Date: 06 Nov 00 - 12:21 PM

The system crashed last Friday; I could not get anywhere.
I knew the mail was piling up; I was tearing at my hear.
Then I screeched at the computer, but all it did was stare.
Oh, why couldn't I log on?

Subject: RE: BS: Progressive PC Blues
From: Amos
Date: 06 Nov 00 - 02:03 PM

So listen up, you Net-Heads, whose jaws are going slack, Who bleed from all the Windows messages that have stabbed you in the back,
Don't say I didn't tell ya so -- ya shoulda bought a Mac!!!
Cus I'm glad that I logged on!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Progressive PC Blues
From: Kim C
Date: 06 Nov 00 - 02:12 PM

Ummmm, I don't think I can follow that.......

Subject: RE: BS: Progressive PC Blues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 06 Nov 00 - 03:02 PM

I logged on to the Mudcat and I had myself a ride
Got help with being stuffy and with having too much pride
And the flamers tried to roast me but I ain't been crucified,
And I will still log on.

I've got a Mac a-comin' with a way that's all its own
And I think I'll keep the 486 in case it makes me groan
But I think good MissMacPuter's going to serve me well and long,
So I can still log on.

The members here at Mudcat and the ones who've yet to join
The ones who bring their songs to sing, the others songs purloin
And the ones like Spaw who give us jokes for every sacred groin
They all are logging on!

Now tomorrow is election day (in General Mudcat Time)
For the Statesers who have registered, the pollsters call it fine
And I'll be there to excercise my right to vote (or whine)
Then I'll be logging on!


~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Progressive PC Blues
From: GUEST,neil
Date: 06 Nov 00 - 08:58 PM

In the spirit of halloween, this was sent me by Lauren the flute: Poe on Computers

Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary, System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor, Longing for the warmth of bedsheets, Still I sat there, doing spreadsheets: Having reached the bottom line, I took a floppy from the drawer. Typing with a steady hand, I then invoked the SAVE command and waited for the disk to store, Only this and nothing more.

Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing, Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more. "Save!" I said, "You cursed Animal! Save my data from before!" One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more, Just, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

Was this some occult illusion? Some maniacal intrusion? These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before. Carefully, I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises. The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more. Clearly I must press a key, choosing one and nothing more, From "Choose Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

With my fingers pale and trembling Slowly toward the keyboard bending, Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored, Praying for some guarantee Timidly I pressed a key. But on the screen there still persisted words appearing as before. Ghastly grim they blinked and taunted, haunted, as my patience wore, Saying "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

I tried to catch the chips off-guard -- I pressed again, but twice as hard. I pleaded with the cursed machine: I begged and cried and then I swore. Now in desperation, trying random combinations, Still there came the incantation, just as senseless as before. Cursor blinking, angrily winking, blinking infantile shite as before. Reading, "Abort, Retry,Ignore?"

There I sat, distraught, exhausted by my own machine accosted Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor. And then I saw dreadful sight: a lightning bolt cut through the night. A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my core. The lightning zapped my previous data, lost and gone forevermore. Not even, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

To this day I do not know The place to which lost data goes. What demonic nether world is wrought where data will be stored, Beyond the reach of mortal souls, beyond Govan, into black holes? But sure as there's C, Pascal, Lotus, Ashton-Tate and more, You will one day be left to wander, lost on some Plutonian shore, Pleading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

Subject: RE: BS: Progressive PC Blues
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 06 Nov 00 - 09:07 PM

Now that is seriously good!

Subject: RE: BS: Progressive PC Blues
From: Harold W
Date: 06 Nov 00 - 11:44 PM

Was this written in the days of DOS?