Computer parodies

Subject: Lyr Add: HAPPILY ADDICTED TO THE WEB
From: Shula
Date: 05 Sep 97 - 07:58 PM

Found these at:

Funny town -- Joke Central http://www.funnytown.com/jokecentral/:

HAPPILY ADDICTED TO THE WEB

(Sing to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")

Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin',
From my mouth, drool is glist'nin',
I'm happy -- although
My boss let me go --
Happily addicted to the Web.

All night long, I sit clicking,
Unaware time is ticking,
There's beard on my cheek,
Same clothes for a week,
Happily addicted to the Web.

Friends come by; they shake me, Saying, "Yo, man!
Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?"
With a listless shrug, I mutter, "No, man;
I just discovered letterman-dot-com!"

I don't phone, don't send faxes,
Don't go out, don't pay taxes,
Who cares if someday
They drag me away?
I'm happily addicted to the Web!

This next is not a song, but could be fertile ground for a songsmith:

MICROSOFT TO ACQUIRE CATHOLIC CHURCH

VATICAN CITY (AP) -- In a joint press conference in St. Peter's Square this morning, Microsoft Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of Microsoft common stock. If the deal goes through, it will be the first time a computer software company has acquired a major world religion.

With the acquisition, Pop John Paul II will become the senior vice-president of the combined company's new Religious Software Division, while Microsoft senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates.

"We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next five to ten years," said Gates. "The combined resources of Microsoft and the Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun for a broader range of people.

Through the Microsoft Network, the company's new on-line service, "we will make the sacraments available on-line for the first time and revive the popular pre-Counter-Reformation practice of selling indulgences," said Gates. "You can get Communion, confess your sins, receive absolution -- even reduce your time in Purgatory -- all without leaving your home."

A new software application, Microsoft Church, will include a macro language which you can program to download heavenly graces automatically while you are away from your computer.

An estimated 17,000 people attended the announcement in St. Peter's Square, watching on a 60-foot screen as comedian Don Novello -- in character as Father Guido Sarducci -- hosted the event, which was broadcast by satellite to 700 sites worldwide.

Pope John Paul II said little during the announcement. When Novello chided Gates, "Now I guess you get to wear one of these pointy hats," the crowd roared, but the pontiff's smile seemed strained.

The deal grants Microsoft exclusive electronic rights to the Bible and the Vatican's prized art collection, which includes works by such masters as Michelangelo and Da Vinci. But critics say Microsoft will face stiff challenges if it attempts to limit competitors' access to these key intellectual properties.

"The Jewish people invented the look and feel of the holy scriptures," said Rabbi David Gottschalk of Philadelphia. "You take the parting of the Red Sea -- we had that thousands of years before the catholics came on the scene.

But others argue that the Catholic and Jewish faiths both draw on a common Abrahamic heritage. "The Catholic Church has just been more successful in marketing it to a larger audience," notes Notre Dame theologian Father Kenneth Madigan. Over the last 2,000 years, the Catholic Church's market share has increased dramatically, while Judaism, which was the first to offer many of the concepts now touted by Christianity, lags behind.

Historically, the Church has a reputation as an aggressive competitor, leading crusades to pressure people to upgrade to Catholicism, and entering into exclusive licensing arrangements in various kingdoms whereby all subjects were instilled with Catholicism, whether or not they planned to use it. Today Christianity is available from several denominations, but the Catholic version is still the most widely used. The Church's mission is to reach "the four corners of the earth," echoing Microsoft's vision of "a computer on every desktop and in every home".

Gates described Microsoft's long-term strategy to develop a scalable religious architecture that will support all religions through emulation. A single core religion will be offered with a choice of interfaces according to the religion desired -- "One religion, a couple of different implementations," said Gates.

The Microsoft move could spark a wave of mergers and acquisitions, according to Herb Peters, a spokesman for the US Southern Baptist Conference, as other churches scramble to strengthen their position in the increasingly competitive religious market.

Just a little weekend frolic, what!

Toodles,

Shula

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: Susan of DT
Date: 07 Sep 97 - 01:36 PM

If you search for @computer, you will find a number of computer parodies

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: Shula
Date: 07 Sep 97 - 08:40 PM

Did that before I posted to make sure " Happily Addicted to the Web" was not already in the database. Just wanted to share around a bit of fun. Hope it gave a little amusement.

Shula

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: alison
Date: 07 Sep 97 - 11:19 PM

Hi

Can't remember what thread it was in , but we mentioned this one a while back and someone else wrote a heap more verses to it. It was probably a few months back now, (probably on a thread about addiction) good luck finding it.

Come on Alan, where's your computer song?

Slainte

Alison

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: alison
Date: 07 Sep 97 - 11:25 PM

Hi again.

I found it, it's in a thread called "Forget the world I'm makin' music." and here are the other verses.

Subject: RE: FORGET THE WORLD, I'M MAKIN' MUSIC ! From: Ferrara Date: 11-Jul-97 - 04:28 PM

Loved the "Web" song. But we didn't want to quit singing after one verse, so I wrote a second one. Here it is:

People phone, male and female,
And I say, "Send an e-mail"
I can't talk to you,
There's too much to do,
Happily Addicted to the Web.

Can you guess my elation
When I locate information
On bagels with dill
Or pigs in Brazil --
I'm happily addicted to the Web.

In sixty-eight discussion groups and forums
I show a brilliant grasp of what is right;
Then there are the ladies soft and war-m,
Whose photos only show up late at night.

In the tub I would sit,
But the keyboard doesn't fit.
I eat what they bring
From the Carryout King,
I'm Happily Addicted to the Web.

slainte

Alison

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: Shula
Date: 08 Sep 97 - 01:12 AM

Should've checked the forum, 's well 's the database. Mea Culpa (or the Jewish equivalent, thereof).

Took a shot, m'self:

Former chums try to reach out. "Hang it up!" they all screech out.
I've got but one line; -- they're no pals o' mine:
I'm happily addicted to the Web.

Lyrics lost since the thirties: dirges, ditties, down-'n'-dirties,
Ballàdes by the score, from servers offshore...
I'm happily addicted to the Web.

My fam'ly says they've got the wagon booked up
T' truss me tight and pack me off in style
But if they let me keep my modem hooked up
I'll go out singin,' happy all the while!

Catch the rush! Feel the power! Scour sites by the hour!
"Fixation"? -- How crass!
"Obsession?" -- My arse!
I'm happily addicted to the Web.

And there's an end on't!

Shula

HTML line breaks added. --JoeClone, 28-May-02.

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: Shula
Date: 08 Sep 97 - 01:30 AM

Don't know where my punctuation on the bridge went:

My fam'ly says they've got the wagon booked up,
T' truss me tight and pack me off in style.
But if they let me keep my modem hooked up,
I'll go out singin,' happy all the while!

Hope this works.

Shula

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: Ferrara
Date: 08 Sep 97 - 10:40 AM

Sorry - the way I typed in the last line of my verse, it doesn't scan. It was supposed to be,

I could bathe, the tub I'd sit in,
But the keyboard doesn't fit in,
I eat what they bring
From the Carryout King,
I'm Happily Addicted to the Web.

Shula -- LOVE your verse! Dick, can we add this one to DT? It's been processed by a lot of folk, right before our very eyes....

Subject: Lyr Add: THE COMPUTER SONG, VERSION 1.5
From: Alan of Australia
Date: 08 Sep 97 - 10:57 PM

G'day
This probably fits here. It's a sort of parody of the Aussie song "Billy Of Tea" and if this is no help the tune is the Scottish "Bonnie Dundee".
Each upgrade to the song has resulted in more verses so I don't sing all verses in one go.

THE COMPUTER SONG, VERSION 1.5
(And in need of an upgrade)

I've just (D)bought a computer, a (G)real IB(D)M
With hard disk, laser printer and (E7)high speed mod(A7)em
It's (D)real user friendly and (G)state-of-the-(D)art
I don't have to (G)think 'cause its (A7)software's so (D)smart.

Chorus (whenever you feel like it, not after every verse)
So don't talk of your Apple or PowerPC
My IBM PC is waiting for me
On the desk where my wife's photograph used to be
There's nothing much smarter than my new PC.

It plays wave files and MIDIs and makes CDs too
There is no computer that mine won't outdo
I play with my PC till way past midnight
It's the best thing to come my way since Vegemite.

It runs faster than light it's a brand new K6
It's teaching my old dog a new set of tricks
It makes me a cuppa and pours me a beer
And plays Aussie music whenever I'm near.

I bought Windows NT though my neighbours all scoffed
Produced by a company called Microsoft
Well I brought it home and I showed all my mates
And then the screen filled with the face of Bill Gates.

I rise in the morning, the bedclothes I toss
I turn on my PC and boot up the DOS
And I don't touch my breakfast, dinner or tea
I only have time for my great new PC.

I worked on a program the whole of one day
It grew till it occupied 400K
I worked and I worked till my eyes were bloodshot
Then I pressed the wrong button and wiped out the lot.

You can do all your banking from home now they say
Just plug in your modem and then you're away
But its usefulness now I'm beginning to doubt
I can't find the slot where the money comes out.

My wife says I don't spend enough time with her
I'm spending it all with that damned computer
She's just seen her lawyer about a divorce
She's named IBM co-respondent of course.

There's a girl in the low country I've never met
We only communicate by internet
But we're planning to meet, don't know when, don't know where
If my wife doesn't learn of this cyber affair.

Now some folks they tell me I'm losing my grip
My brain can't compete with a silicon chip
But when I'm feeling down or my wife's nagging me
I go and spend time with my friendly PC.

(C) Copyright 1990, 1992, 1997 by Alan Foster.

Cheers,
Alan

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: Shula
Date: 09 Sep 97 - 12:15 AM

Kyool, mite! Works pretty neatly with "Sweet Betsy from Pike," too. ('z we havin' fun yit, boise'n'gulls?)

' Evenin,'

Shula

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: Laoise
Date: 09 Sep 97 - 07:03 AM

Very enjoyable, very true. I love the Catholic Church Acquisition article, very funny Shula. Happily addicted to the Web with extra verses - Shula, Alison and Ferrara,- exactly what I wanted to say in my thread a while back but yours is more humourous.

ALan, I would love to hear this. Do you sing it?

The "Internet Affair" is really taking off. I just found out that my cousin's wife has left him for a man she met on the internet. I also met a woman over here in Belfast who met another woman over the Internet. A friend of mine has just written a book all about an affair which develops over the net and it is widely reckoned to be a best seller soon.

So, do you think we should start a "Folkies Classified section". Mine will read "Nubile, easily 'skundered', wants to meet a man(preferably) who can sing the entire version of "Green Fields of France" and Parodies in the key of F, while performing household tasks". Any takers?

Laoise.

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: Shula
Date: 09 Sep 97 - 07:29 AM

Now, Laoise, my girl, might I hae a word wi' ye in the virtual privacy o' yer personal page?

Just a "gal thang", fellers, -- won't take but a shake!

Shula

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: Alan of Australia
Date: 11 Sep 97 - 11:13 AM

Laoise,
Yep I do sing it sometimes, wish you could hear it but my voice isn't loud enough. Maybe some day I'll travel.

Cheers,
Alan

Subject: Lyr Add: WRITE IN C (parody of 'Let it Be')
From: Shula
Date: 13 Sep 97 - 10:50 PM

More fun stuff:

Songs for Nerds


To the tune of ``Let It Be'':

When I find my code in tons of trouble, / Friends and colleagues come to me, / Speaking words of wisdom: / "Write in C."

As the deadline fast approaches, / And bugs are all that I can see, / Somewhere, someone whispers:/ "Write in C."

Write in C, Write in C, / Write in C, oh, Write in C./ LOGO's dead and buried, / Write in C.

I used to write a lot of FORTRAN, / For science it worked flawlessly. / Try using it for graphics! / Write in C.

If you've just spent nearly 30 hours / Debugging some assembly, / Soon you will be glad to / Write in C.

Write in C, Write in C, / Write in C, yeah, Write in C. / Only wimps use BASIC. / Write in C.

Write in C, Write in C / Write in C, oh, Write in C. / Pascal won't quite cut it. / Write in C.

Write in C, Write in C, / Write in C, yeah, Write in C. / Don't even mention COBOL. / Write in C.


To the tune of ``Nowhere Man''

He's a real UNIX Man / Sitting in his UNIX LAN / Making all his UNIX plans / For nobody

He's as wise as he can be / Programs in lex, yacc and C / UNIX Man, can you help me / At all?

UNIX Man, please listen / My printout is missin' / UNIX Man / The wo-o-o-orld is your 'at' command


To the tune of ``Eleanor Rigby''

Sits at the keyboard / And waits for a line on the screen / Lives in a dream

Waits for a signal / Finding some code / That will make the machine do some more. / What is it for?

All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
All the lonely users, why does it take so long?

Guru MacKenzie / Typing the lines of a program that no one will run; / Isn't it fun?

Look at him working, / Munching some chips as he waits for the code to compile; / Where is the style?

All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
All the lonely users, why does it take so long?

Eleanor Rigby / Crashes the system and loses 6 hours of work; / What is it worth?

Guru MacKenzie / Wiping the blood off his hands as he walks from the grave; / Nothing was saved.

All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
All the lonely users, why does it take so long?


Thanks to Scott Chiu...

Prepared by:Aleta Ricciardi
433B Engineering Science Building
[e-mail]

Shula

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: Alan of Australia
Date: 14 Sep 97 - 03:50 AM

Shula,
That's great, I've pasted "Write in C" into a file for my C students this week. it'll probably go over their heads. Maybe I'll give them an extra 5 marks if they understand the song.

Cheers,
Alan

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: alison
Date: 14 Sep 97 - 06:46 AM

hi

Here are some others... Enjoy..........

Fifty Ways to Hose Your Code ----- ---- -- ---- ---- ---- Kind of by Paul Simon

The problem's all inside your code she said to me;
Recursion is easy if you take it logically.
I'm here to help you if you're struggling to learn C,
There must be fifty ways to hose your code.

She said it's really not my habit to #include,
And I hope my files won't be lost or misconstrued;
But I'll recompile at the risk of getting screwed,
There must be fifty ways to hose your code.

Just blow up the stack Jack,
Make a bad call Paul,
Just hit the wrong key Lee
, And set your pointers free.

Just mess up the bus Gus,
You don't need to recurse much,
You just listen to me.

She said it greives me to see you compile again.
I wish there were some hardware that wasn't such a pain.
I said I appreciate that and could you please explain,
About the fifty ways.

She said why don't we both just work on it tonight,
And I'm sure in the morning it'll be working just right.
Then she hosed me and I realized she probably was right,
There must be fifty ways to hose your code.

Just lose the address Les,
Clear the wrong Int Clint,
Traverse the wrong tree Lee,
And set your list free.

Just mess up the bus Gus,
You don't need to recurse much,
You just program in C.

_ TITLE: The Boys of HP (tune 'The Boys of Summer' by Don Henley)
)
-------------- (csfs1 = Comp. Sci File Server 1))
)
Nobody in the room)
no cursor on the screen)
I feel it in the air)
'csfs1 not responding')
empty disk, empty screen,)
the server goes down alone)
I was logged into my account)
and I know you have no phone)
.)

I can see it)
the workstation's collecting dust)
You've got your 'console long:')
and your blank screen, baby.)
And I can tell you)
I'll never get my source by dawn)
once the boys from HP have gone.)
)

I'll never forget those night.)
I wonder if I ever got to sleep?)
Remember how you made me crazy)
Remember how _you_ made _me_ scream?)
I don't understand what happened to my source)
If I can't ever get it back,)
I'm sure you have no remorse.)
)

I can see it)
the system crashing on me)
you've got your pinstriped suit)
and your corporate paranoia, baby.)
And I can tell you)
my love for this will still be strong)
after the boys of HP have gone)
)

Out in the corridors I saw)
a bunch of lost programmers)
A little voice inside my head say,)
"Don't buy more,)
you should never buy more")
I thought I knew where my source was)
What did I know?)
Those servers are gone forever,)
I should just let them go, but-)
)

I can see it-)
your drives eating my work)
You've got that salesman's pitch)
and your demo running baby.)
and I can tell you-)
my love for CS will still be strong)
After the boys of HP are gone.)
)

(c) 1991 by Adam Sah

slainte

Alison

Subject: Lyr Add: THE THINKING MAN JOHN HENRY (parody)
From: JJ
Date: 18 Sep 97 - 01:31 PM

THE THINKING MAN, JOHN HENRY
Word by B. Gibson and B. Camp, music traditional "John Henry, The Steel-Drivin' Man"
As recorded by The Brothers Four on "In Person"


[Sung lyrics are in normal text; spoken narration is in italics.]

Now a famous American folktale...

When John Henry was a little baby,
He was sittin' on his mammy's knee,
Well he picked up a slide rule and a book on mathematics,
Sayin' "Thinkin's gonna be the job for me,"
Sayin' "Thinkin's gonna be the job for me."

When John Henry was just a little baby, he decided that, when he grew up, he was gonna be a Thinkin' Man (with a filter!*). So he decided to go to college and study all about thinkin'. He did, and he learned all about:
Algebra and thinkin',
Geometry and thinkin',
Trigonometry and thinkin',
Calculus and thinkin',
(But he always had a little trouble with English, though...)

Grammar's gonna be the death of me, Lord, Lord.
Grammar's gonna be the death of me.

(He didn't do too well in Greek, either...)

Homer's gonna be the death of me, Lord, Lord.
Homer's gonna be the death of me.

Well, John Henry finished college, and he became a very competent thinker (which is unusual); and he went out in the business world, where they do a lot o' heavy thinkin', and get a job as a Thinkin' Man.

Well, his first job was with the John Birch Society, thinkin' up Communists.

He had a little trouble with his next job, though. That was with the Ford
Motor Company. Ha ha! He thought up the Edsel!

Then John Henry got a job with the CIA, thinkin' up excuses.

Well, as you all know, the government is very economy-minded, concerned with cuttin' down on costs. So one day the CIA brought in an efficiency expert, tryin' to cut down on manpower. He looked around and hollered out:

Automation! Automation! Automation!

Now the expert said to John Henry,
"I'm gonna bring me a computer round.
I'm gonna bring me a computer,
An electronic brain.
Cybernetics gonna put the answer down.
Computers help to keep the payroll down."

Now the man who invented the computer (la-di-da)
Was from a place called MIT.
Well, he punched out cards and tapes by the yard,
Hummin' Nearer My God to Thee,
Hummin' Nearer My God to Thee-ee-ee-ee.

Now John Henry said to the inventor,
"Oh, your tubes don't mean a damn.
All your wires and your circuits
They are just a modern quirk. It's
Never ever gonna beat a Thinkin' Man.
They are never gonna beat a Thinkin' Man."

So it was proposed that John Henry and the computer have a race.

The inventor punched out a card for the computer...
John Henry stepped into the isolation booth...
Ralph Edwards** read him a question.

The race was on!

John Henry started in a-thinkin',
'Til his head glowed cherry-red.
There was smoke from his ears
And his eyes poured tears
And he thunk 'til his brain dropped dead--
THINK! THANK! THUNK!
Thunk 'til his brain dropped dead.

They took John Henry to the bughouse,
But still his legend grows.
Now please don't get us wrong.
There's a moral to this song:

"Don't ever doubt the thinkin' power of men."

(But, on the other hand...)

"Don't ever sell your stock—In IBM!"

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: mandola man
Date: 27 Sep 97 - 02:23 PM

Just love "Write in C", great fun. Alan's computer song seems to have some extra verses since I last heard him sing it. Funny, I thought the last version was 3.2, but it seems to have regressed to version 1.5

Does anyone have the the words to that programmers shanty, I looked in the database, but it could be my search criteria that need upgrading.

there is a line something like "Oh boy, can't you code it" and then something like "I'm ..... out ......on the zerox line"

Used to be sung by the late Dave Alexander in Sydney, but I believe I have also heard it in the UK

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: Joe Offer
Date: 27 Sep 97 - 03:04 PM

Hi, Mr. Mandola Man-
The "White Collar Holler" is in the database. The best way to search is to pick out the most distinctive word [or phrase in brackets] in the song. In this case, "Xerox" brought it up. Stan Rogers recorded this Nigel Russell song on one of his live albums, "Between the Breaks...Live." I think the song is derived from another I've heard called "Linin' Track," but we've already had that discussion, I think. Good song, isn't it?
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: mandola man
Date: 02 Oct 97 - 01:47 PM

Thanks Joe, I did attempt to reply earlier, but messed up somehow, and the message was not posted. If I had spelt xerox correctly in the first place I would have found it.

Thanks again

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From:
Date: 13 Mar 98 - 08:26 PM

For the dedicated UNIX folk. I'll leave it for you to guess the tune:

  Better watch out  better !pout  better !cry  lpr why  Santa Clause < North Pole > town    

make list  check list  !!  cat list | egrep "naughty | nice"  Santa Clause < North Pole > town    

who | grep sleeping  who | grep awake  who | egrep "bad | good"  so  for { goodness sake }  be good  

Murray

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From:
Date: 13 Mar 98 - 08:32 PM

Hey! The PRE command is supposed to obey literal line breaks. Let me try again.

For the dedicated UNIX folk. I'll leave it for you to guess the tune:

  Better watch out
  better !pout
  better !cry
  lpr why
  Santa Clause < North Pole > town
    

make list
  check list
  !! 
  cat list | egrep "naughty | nice"
  Santa Clause < North Pole > town
    

who | grep sleeping
  who | grep awake
  who | egrep "bad | good"
  so
  for { goodness sake }
  be good
  

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From:
Date: 14 Mar 98 - 01:16 AM

A (not entirely) new twist on an old joke:

God calls together the world's most important people to tell them that the world will come to an end in a week. Bill Gates is not included in the group. The next day Clinton, who was included, meets with his Cabinet and says

"Gentlemen, I have two pieces of news, one good and one bad. The good news is that I have direct evidence that god exists. The bad news is that the world will come to an end next week."

Gates calls a meeting of the board and says,

"Gentlemen I have two items of news for you. One is bad and the other is good. The bad news is that god doesn't consider your chairman one of the leaders of the world. The good news is that we won't have to fix Windows 95."

Murray

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: Alex
Date: 15 Mar 98 - 12:05 AM

XEROX XUX

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: Alice
Date: 22 Dec 98 - 09:29 PM

refresh.... time to resurrect this thread, since it is so timely to our latest addiction 'withdrawl' symptoms from the Mudcat.

By the way, I recently received a new version of the joke posted by Murray:

There were several changes, but it ends with saying 'good news, the Y2K problem is solved!'

alice in montana

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: Art Thieme
Date: 23 Dec 98 - 06:21 PM

No need for all the songs good folks! At the super speed at which computers & technology change an mutate--as well a morph and transform, computers are alredy PARODIES OF THEMSELVES!!

Art

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Feb 02 - 07:25 PM

some funny stuff....but, oh how I miss Shula....

(will look for some stuff I saw the other day)

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: Amergin
Date: 21 Feb 02 - 07:36 PM

some funny stuff here....though i am partial to Lily of The Net......

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: John Hardly
Date: 21 Feb 02 - 07:37 PM

Those of us experiencing technical difficulties on a daily basis can certainly appreciate these :>)

In Japan, they have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with their own Japanese haiku poetry, each with only 17 syllables: five in the first line, seven in the second, five in the third.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

The website you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent and reboot.
Order shall return.

Aborted effort.
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No-one hears your screams

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.

I ate your Web page.
Forgive me; it was tasty
And tart on my tongue

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From:
Date: 21 Feb 02 - 08:27 PM

John! Those are EXCELLENT!!!

If you don't mind, I'm going to pass those along!

Subject: Lyr Add: THE LILY OF THE NET
From: Janice in NJ
Date: 21 Feb 02 - 10:19 PM

THE LILY OF THE NET
Words: Almeda "Granny" Smith
Music: THE LILY OF THE WEST

When first I cruised the Internet,
Some pleasure there to find,
A damsel there from AOL,
Was pleasing to my mind,
Her polished prose, her flashing wit,
I never will forget,
And the name she bore was Flora,
The Lily of the Net.

So I accessed her Web page,
My heart's delight to see,
And there I spied a dazzling girl,
A-smilin' up at me,
Her rosy cheeks, her ruby lips,
They do torment me yet.
I fell in love with Flora,
The Lily of the Net.

And when I got my courage up,
I called her on the phone,
She turned the television down,
And said she was alone,
Her voice was so melodious,
I broke out in a sweat.
I scarce could speak to Flora,
The Lily of the Net.

For nine long months we e-mailed,
Till we resolved to meet,
In San Francisco in a pub,
Way out on Geary Street,
I used my frequent flyer miles,
I swore I'd ne'er regret,
My plan to meet my Flora,
The Lily of the Net.

For courting of this fair maid,
I greatly did prepare,
I bought a suit and got a trim,
Of my remaining hair.
My mother oft had said to me,
"What you see is what you get!"
And what I saw was Flora,
The Lily of the Net.

She wore a purple leisure suit,
All stained with coffee grounds,
Her hair was bleached, her skin was grey,
She weighed two hundred pounds,
Between her flaccid lips she held,
A hand-rolled cigarette.
Was this my lovely Flora,
The Lily of the Net?

And when she saw my stricken face,
A sigh escaped her breast,
She took my trembling hand in hers,
And tearfully confessed,
That picture was her daughter,
A twelve-year old nymphet.
I was betrayed by Flora,
The Lily of the Net.

Come all you ramblin' gamblin' men,
Who lurk both night and day,
Don't trust no gal from AOL,
Whatever she may say,
I'd rather have my fantasies,
I wish I'd never met,
That false deceiving Flora,
The Lily of the Net.

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 22 Feb 02 - 10:34 AM

An old aquaintance of mine, Dave Diamond, has written quite a few computer related songs and parodies and (probably because he's a friend of Dick Greenhaus) many of them are in DT. Try a search using:

[David Diamond] or [Dave Diamond]

There are plenty of funny non-computer lyrics as well.

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: Bill D
Date: 22 Feb 02 - 01:22 PM

here is Weird Al singing one in MP3...(sorta big file, give it a minute)

Killing My Software

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: Gareth
Date: 22 Feb 02 - 04:51 PM

On a slightly non music note on computer parodies Try this

Gareth

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 22 Feb 02 - 08:14 PM

Janice in NJ:

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for the words to Lily of the Net! I've wanted them forever, seems like.

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: beardedbruce
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 03:41 PM

refresh

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: Bill D
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 03:46 PM

why?

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: Donuel
Date: 06 Apr 18 - 06:11 AM

I'm your IT guy

Hey girls gather round
I'm the guy who'll
fix your device

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: beardedbruce
Date: 06 Apr 18 - 08:20 AM

From Bob Franke:

You been runnin' your program on your little PC
Tryin' to fix your business with your 1-2-3
That little Junior jus' can't manage your files
Well, I got some hardware that will make you smile

Chorus: 'Cause I'm a mainframe, baby
I got a hard disk, too
An' I can do twenty times
What that mini floppy driver can do

That's pow'ful software that you got to run
But you just can't run it on that sonovagun
That little Junior's got no mem-o-ry
Come on baby, get on line with me

Little lights of amber, little lights of green
You got more data than I've ever seen
That little board can't even dump your screen
Oh baby, check out the soul of a new machine

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: clueless don
Date: 06 Apr 18 - 09:19 AM

There's a very old one - sounds quite quaint today - that I once heard Michael Cooney perform. It begins "I built a better model than the one at Data General ...".

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: beardedbruce
Date: 06 Apr 18 - 09:24 AM

Data General lyrics

By Tom Payne


Tom Payne - I Built a Better Model Than the One at Data General Lyrics

Artist: Tom Payne

Album: Vince Emery Presents the Funniest Computer Songs
Heyo! SONGLYRICS just got interactive. Highlight. Review: RIFF-it.
RIFF-it good.
        
Play "I Built a Better Mo…"
on Amazon Music
        

I built a better model than the one at Data General,
For databases vegetable, animal and mineral.
My OS handles CPUs with multiplexed duality.
My PL/1 compiler shows impressive functionality.
My storage system's better than magnetic core polarity;
You needn't even bother checking out a bit for parity.
There isn't any reason to install non-static floor matting.
My disk drive has capacity for variable formatting.
I feel compelled to mention what I know to be a gloating point:
There's lots of space in memory for variables floating-point.
Which shows for input vegetable, animal and mineral,
I built a better model than the one at Data General.

The IBM new home computer's nothing more than germinal.
At Prime they still have problems with an interactive terminal.
While Tandy's done a lousy job with operations Boolean,
At Wang the byte capacity's too small to fit a coolie in.
Intel's mid-year finances are something of the trouble sort,
The Timex-Sinclair crashes when you implement a bubble sort.
All DEC investors soon will find they haven't spent their money well.
And need I even mention Nixdorf, Univac and Honeywell?
By striving to eliminate all source code that's repetitive,
I've brought my benchmark standings to results that are competitive.
In short, for input vegetable, animal and mineral,
I built a better model than the one at Data General.

In fact, when I've a Winchester of minimum diameter,
When I can call a subroutine of infinite parameter,
When I can point to registers and keep their current map around,
And when I can prevent the need for mystifying wraparound,
When I can update record blocks with minimum of suffering,
And when I can afford to use 100K for buffering,
When I've performed a matrix sort and tested the addition rate,
You'll marvel at the speed of my asynchronous transmission rate.
Though all my better programs that self-reference recursively
Have only been obtained through expert spying done subversively,
Still for input vegetable, animal and mineral,
I built a better model than the one at Data General.

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: beardedbruce
Date: 06 Apr 18 - 09:26 AM

Another by Payne: Please, Mr. Compatability

Would you put this system together for me
some I ordered by mail and parts I got free.
The pieces all work, except two or three.
Please, Mr. Compatibility.

Now with my Amiga, all I want to do
is running MacDraw underneath OS/2,
to write all my data on ROM-type CD,
and display EGA on projection TV.

I'd like to plug hypercard into my VAX,
run my parallel printer on standard coax;
Use it all under MS-DOS version 3.2,
and a VCR on RS-232.

My Cray running friendly interfaces with ease,
to movie film shown on a 13-foot screen;
My plotter and laser should speak Postscript well,
networked on Appletalk under Novell.

Autocad my Atari, VGA TTL;
tied to my Apple ][ running Excell.
Lay optic fiber, shaped in a token ring
with a scanner and tablet - I forget anything?

Put all this together - take an hour or two;
hide those ugly cables, and when you are thru
write up a contract saying you'd guarantee
it'll all work forever, or you'd fix it for free.

Would you put this system together for me
some I ordered by mail and parts I got free.
The pieces all work, except two or three.
Please, Mr. Compatibility.

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 06 Apr 18 - 12:17 PM

Data General tune no doubt by Arthur Sullivan!

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: Bill D
Date: 06 Apr 18 - 01:01 PM

I am 'almost' sure that the Data General lyrics were originally by Steven Levine.

I heard them many years ago by him at the FSGW Getaway.

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: Bill D
Date: 06 Apr 18 - 01:05 PM

It is common for the first person to actually record a song commercially or to post it to YouTube gets credit as the author.
I don't believe Steven Levine ever did either.

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: oldhippie
Date: 03 Dec 18 - 07:31 PM

ETERNAL FLAME (Julia Ecklar)

I was taught assembler
in my second year of school.
It's kinda like construction work —
with a toothpick for a tool.
So when I made my senior year,
I threw my code away,
And learned the way to program
that I still prefer today.

Now, some folks on the Internet
put their faith in C++.
They swear that it's so powerful,
it's what God used for us.
And maybe it lets mortals dredge
their objects from the C.
But I think that explains
why only God can make a tree.

For God wrote in Lisp code
When he filled the leaves with green.
The fractal flowers and recursive roots:
The most lovely hack I've seen.
And when I ponder snowflakes,
never finding two the same,
I know God likes a language
with its own four-letter name.

Now, I've used a SUN under Unix,
so I've seen what C can hold.
I've surfed for Perls, found what Fortran's for,
Got that Java stuff down cold.
Though the chance that I'd write COBOL code
is a SNOBOL's chance in Hell.
And I basically hate hieroglyphs,
so I won't use APL.

Now, God must know all these languages,
and a few I haven't named.
But the Lord made sure, when each sparrow falls,
that its flesh will be reclaimed.
And the Lord could not count grains of sand
with a 32-bit word.
Who knows where we would go to
if Lisp weren't what he preferred?

And God wrote in Lisp code
Every creature great and small.
Don't search the disk drive for man.c,
When the listing's on the wall.
And when I watch the lightning burn
Unbelievers to a crisp,
I know God had six days to work,
So he wrote it all in Lisp.

Yes, God had a deadline.
So he wrote it all in Lisp.

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: John C. Bunnell
Date: 03 Dec 18 - 11:41 PM

Lots of applicable material exists in the SF/fantasy "filk" community (it's been years now, but I heard Tom Payne do both the "Data General" song and "Mr. Compatibility" at convention song circles; I remember that he usually did credit other artists when he covered their material, but I don't specifically recall what he might have said about the "Data General" lyrics at the time). See particularly (via YouTube):

When I Was A Boy
(song by Frank Hayes, performance by Tom Smith)

"Do It Yourself"
(Bill Sutton)

Coffee, Computers & Song (album playlist)
(Steve Savitsky)

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: G-Force
Date: 04 Dec 18 - 07:23 AM

Nobody's mentioned the great Les Barker's 'Reinstalling Windows', to the tune of 'When I'm cleaning windows'.

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: GUEST,jim bainbridge
Date: 05 Dec 18 - 12:48 PM

Not a 'pasrody' but think 'Analog Girl' by the late great Guy Clark would be of interest?

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: ST
Date: 08 Dec 18 - 01:06 PM

Not really parodies, written by me back when a system/network administrator. Sorry for lame singing; it had been recorded years before restarting the musical career. Didn't as much as speak aloud every day at the time. Not sure if I can find the lyrics files, too many disks have died since, but I'll make an honest attempt if anybody's interested.

Eleven Pings Opera,

Server Room Lullaby,

IT Song,

Thinking for a Living.

Subject: RE: Computer parodies
From: GUEST,Hilary
Date: 08 Dec 18 - 06:00 PM

Mentioned in my students' introductory folklore textbook:

"Father, dear Father, come home with me now,
The clock in the steeple strikes one.
You promised to come straight home from the lab,
As soon as your homepage was done."

It's obviously a parody of this song: http://www.fresnostate.edu/folklore/ballads/R308.html
https://maxhunter.missouristate.edu/songinformation.aspx?ID=880
I don't know if there are any more verses.