Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: The Man from UNCOOL
Date: 11 Nov 21 - 10:20 AM

Shep Woolley recorded this on his first LP Pipe Down, under the title "The Best of Society" [as per chorus posted earlier], and may be influenced by / borrowed from Mike Harding's.
Some verses not yet listed, this first making a sensible 'intro' to the other, less connected, ones:

Now, our part of town is a proper disgrace.
People flock in to see it from all over the place.
For miles, on a Sunday, you should see them all come: [I'd edit that to 'From miles away, on Sundays… ']
they're pulling it down next week and building a slum.

Me mum sent me to the butcher's to buy a sheep's head
and when I got there, I told him what she'd said.
I said: "Have you got a sheep's head?" and he gave me a stare;
he said: "No, mate, I bloody haven't: it's the way I part me hair."

Also [which, being topical then, SW may have written]:

I went to the airport, and there was Barb'ra Castle*.
What, with reporters and photographers, it was a bit of a hassle.
She said: "I'm off to Bangkok"; I thought "What a to-do. [I reckon 'I said: "Bully for you!… ' makes better sense]
You've banned ev'rything else, now you're banning that, too."

[these last don't scan as well, but can be rendered correctly]

* a high-profile politician at the time

The song then continues with a different, widely-used, tune, with at least this verse, and prob. others I've forgotten:

The black cat piddled in the white cat's eye.
The white cat said: "Cor, blimey!"
So the black cat said: "It's yer own bloody fault:
you shouldn've stood behind me."

I can't recall if his version contains the 'tomato' one: I think it does. He def. sings the Miss Brown & the soap [surprisingly, given the context: a live recording to a largely Navy-based audience, with some pretty un-PC racist material – SW was a Naval gunnery tutor – it's a "came down mighty quick" clean variant!], and the Mary the milkmaid & the cow jumping up and down variants. There may be others, as I've subsequently heard it sung by others, in most of its variety [incl. the "Hold your row" chorus, which I think is northern English, poss, Geordie], and they've got conflated in my mind.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST
Date: 21 Jan 20 - 05:04 AM

Liz & Maggie Cruickshank RIP, former stalwarts of the Edinburgh folk sacene had some good verses to this
it was on a posthumous double CD which came out a few years ago- good listening to unselfconscious 'folk' as it used to be.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 08:11 PM

To market, to market with my brother Jim
Somebody threw a tomato at him
Tomatoes are soft and they don't hurt the skin
But this bugger did, it was wrapped in a tin

(1960s Bolton version)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: Murpholly
Date: 19 Jan 20 - 03:31 PM

Oh Jemima look at your unlce Jim
He is so fat he is trying to get thin
First he eats only bread
Then its bread and ale
Now he's eating monkey nuts and growing a curly tail

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST,Ruth
Date: 19 Jan 20 - 03:18 PM

Here are some verses of my own I'd like to share:

We went to the tavern with my cousin Fred.
Somebody hit the poor man in the head!
We found him next morning, we thought he was dead,
But then he woke up and cried "put me to bed."

A day of antiquing with my Auntie Fran,
She wanted to find her a randy good man.
We spotted a fine one she called Handsome Bob.
He took her home and he showed her his knob.

We threw a party for our sister Sue.
For her sixteenth birthday we gave her a shoe.
With only one shoe she knew not what to do.
We gave her the other at age 32.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Jan 18 - 10:41 AM

refresh

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: Ian
Date: 11 Jan 18 - 10:51 AM

Now let me tell you of my brother Jack
while riding his bike wore his coat front to back.
It was not the crash that killed brother Jack.
but when some silly sod turned his head front to back.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST,jim bainbridge
Date: 11 Jan 18 - 06:21 AM

I first heard this song in the Fighting Cocks pub in Co Carlow in 1964 on my first visit to Ireland.
I understood its local popularity came from a 78 recorded by a Kilkenny singer, whose name I forget- not saying that was the origin- just one of those songs which always livens a dreich singing session... have been singing my version of it ever since...
yy
Otilie Paterson (singer with the Chris Barber Jazz Band) recorded a version of it on an LP many years ago -a verse I still use towards the end of the song is-

' Dear friends I am sorry to keep you so long
For the singing is rotten and so is the song
But don't you forget as you through your life
That you're far better here than being nagged by the wife'

a verse I claim ownership of is.... in an appropriate situation

'I went to the session one Saturday night
The jigs and the reels they were flying all right
When the bold Seamus Ennis he came back to life
Said Would you play that old bodhran with this here Stanleyknife

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST,Anthony
Date: 11 Jan 18 - 03:04 AM

My dads CRICKET team from a London boys club in Wapping, St Peters Old Boys , always used to have a sing-song wherever they played. This was one of the favourites.
But the theme was a housing estate in Wapping where they all grew up in the 1910's, 20's and 30's! Some of the teams they played in the 40's, 50's and 60's were Thames Police at Hayes in Kent and Metropolitan Police at Chigwell Essex who all loved the song especially the chorus.

At number one lives old Bill Sykes
He goes to work whenever he likes
One day a policeman came round our court.
Now the police force is one copper short.

Hold yer row Wot did I say
We kill all the coppers that come down our way

At number two lives Carroty Jane
She just stays out late again and again
Nobody knows just where she has gone
But where does she get all those nice dresses from?

Hold yer row......

At number three lives my brother Jim
Somebody threw a tomato at him
Tomatoes are soft when they come in their skin
But this one it wasn't it came in a tin.

Hold yer row....

And so on !

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST,dencarnes
Date: 21 Jul 17 - 06:56 PM

I called on my girlfriend her name was miss brown
she was having a bath and she couldn't come down
I said slip on something and be down in a tick
she slipped on the soap and by jove she was quick
get away get away it's a might fine song and I'll sing it all day

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST,Anthony
Date: 16 Apr 14 - 06:52 PM

My favourite verse:

One day, whilst out walking with my girlfriend, Moe
When all of a sudden she wanted to go
So off she went, behind a bush
And some poor old tramp got it right in the mush!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST,cassi-0
Date: 29 Oct 13 - 04:30 AM

my grandfather used to sing a version to us kids.

have you ever heard of my poor brother jim
somebody threw a tomato at him
tomatoes cant hurt me said jim with a grin
but these ones did cos they were in a tin

then the miss brown verse

the tramp verse

and the chorus:

Dinky di, Dinki di
I hope you don't think I would tell you a lie

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: Uke
Date: 03 Jun 13 - 03:23 AM

In NZ, this song is known as "How would you like to be me?" Sung to 'Villikins and his Dinah', with similar verses to those above and the chorus going:

Too-roo-loo, too-ra-lee,
How would you, how would you like to be me?


There is also a version transcribed in Ginette Dunn's "Fellowship of Song" (1980), called 'Joe Moggins'.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST,Craig
Date: 03 Jun 13 - 01:46 AM

I know it we used to sing it at school....those days

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST,Brian
Date: 11 Jul 11 - 01:11 AM

I've even heard it (as a filler verse) on an old recording of 'In Me Liverpool Home'. Useful bugger, innit?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 10 Jul 11 - 07:14 AM

The great James Thurber, in his recollection of his old English teacher, 'Here Lies Miss Groby', mdntions the tomato-in-a-tin gag as an old vaudeville routine, in connection with a misunderstanding between his teacher him as to whether the figure-of-speech about container-for-thing-contained could be reversed as thing-contained-for-container.

There was once a thread on all the many different songs sung to the Villikins/SweetBetsy tune which contained some variants of all these IIRC.

~Michael~

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST,James
Date: 10 Jul 11 - 06:56 AM

Hi, My version of lyrics can be found in a widely used Scout songbook titled the IT book published by 10th Malvern scout group in December 1983. It goes like this:

Get away, get away,
It's a jolly fine song and we'll sing it all day.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To market, to market went my brother Jim,
When somebody threw a tomato at him.
Tomatoes are soft and they don't bruise the skin,
But this one killed Jim; it was wrapped in a tin.

Mary the milkmaid was milking the cow.
The trouble with Mary, she didn't know how.
Along came the farmer and gave her the sack,
So she turned the cow over and poured the milk back.

I called on my girlfriend whose name was Miss Brown.
She was having a bath and she couldn't come down.
She said, "Slip on something; be down in a jiff."
She slipped on the soap and my gosh she was quick.

I looked out my window one bright sunny morn
And there was a tramp; he was chewing the lawn.
I said, "My good man, if you're wanting a snack,
The grass is much longer around at the back."

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Jun 11 - 12:14 AM

To the best of my knowledge, this is the song in its entirety. We used to sing this song all the time in Scouts and Guides for campfires and such, and it was always a favourite with youth members and leaders alike. As little kids we often missed some of the funnier implications, but we can appreciate them now as adults ;)

"To market, to market went my brother Jim,
When somebody threw a tomato at him.
Tomatoes are soft and they don't bruise the skin,
But this one killed Jim; it was wrapped in a tin.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Mary the milkmaid was milking the cow.
The trouble with Mary, she didn't know how.
Along came the farmer and gave her the sack
So she turned the cow over and poured the milk back.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

I called on my girlfriend; her name was Miss Brown.
She was having a shower and couldn't come down.
I said, "Slip on something; be down in a tick."
So she slipped on the soap and by gum she was quick.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

I looked out my window early one morn
And there was a tramp; he was eating the lawn.
I said, "If you're hungry you're on the wrong track.
The grass is much longer around at the back."

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

One day in a rest'rant my soup was quite thin.
I noticed a cockroach was swimming therein.
I cried to the waiter, "What's this I can see?"
And he said, "It looks like the backstroke to me."

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

A lady of beauty went down to the beach.
In a topless bikini she looked quite a peach.
Her ego it suffered a terrible stroke
When a man passing by said, "Hey, Mac! Got a smoke?"

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Now Grandfather Brown's hair was all falling out.
He went to the barber and started to shout,
"Oh, please, is there something to keep my hair in?"
"Of course," said the barber. "Why not use a tin?"

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

My old friend Big Jim had a watch made of gold.
One day he swallowed it, so I am told.
Now he takes Epsom salts three times a day
And he just sits while time passes away.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

The butcher was cleaning the back of his shop.
He paused for a moment to lean on his mop.
He sat on the slicing machine with a jerk
And then found he got all behind in his work.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

A fellow I know ate a packet of seeds
And in a few weeks he was covered in weeds,
But sadder to say, as the time came to pass,
He found that he couldn't sit down on his grass.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

A fellow named Humphrey went down to the sea.
He was changing his swimmers behind a big tree.
A dog chased him out and the people did stare
And the kids all yelled, "Look Mum, there's Humphrey B Bear!"

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Subject: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST,Huw Williams
Date: 23 Apr 11 - 05:02 AM

These are the full lyrics;

When I was out walking with my cousin Jim,
Somebody threw a tomato at him.
Now tomatoes are soft and they don't hurt the skin,
But this bugger did 'cos is came in a tin.

Toodlay, toodlay, the best of society lives round our way.

I called on my girlfriend; her name is Miss Brown.
She was up in the bath and she couldn't come down.
I said, "Come on down here; slip on something quick."
She slipped on the soap and fell right on my D*ck.

Toodlay, toodlay, the best of society lives round our way.

Now old Mr Casey was milking his cow,
But how to milk it, he did not know how.
He pulled on its tail instead of its tit
And old Mr Casey was covered in sh*t.

Toodlay, toodlay, the best of society lives round our way.

As I was out walking down Abercarn High Street
I saw a bloke they call 'Scruff' with no shoes on his feet.
Saw pity in his eyes and I started to care,
I went in the fruit shop and bought him a pear.

Toodlay, toodlay, the best of society lives round our way.

I looked out the front window early one morn.
There was a tramp, eating grass, chompin' down on the lawn.
I said, "Oi! buddy, if you fancy a snack,
The grass is much longer if you try round the back."

Toodlay, toodlay, the best of society lives round our way.

I went to the market to buy me a hen,
Because I enjoy my eggs every now and again,
But when I got home I had hell of a shock.
Hen says, "I don't lay eggs, son; they've sold you a cock."

Toodlay, toodlay, the best of society lives round our way.

I went for a trip on the old underground,
But I slipped on a step and I fell on the ground.
A vicar rushed up. "Did you miss a step, son?"
I said, "No, you daft twat, I hit every one."

Toodlay, toodlay, the best of society lives round our way.

Now I dreamt that I died and to Heaven I did go.
"Where do you come from?" they wanted to know.
"I come from Abercarn," and boy did they stare.
"Come on right in; you boys are alright from there."

Toodlay, toodlay, the best of society lives round our way.
REPEAT

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST,Rosie Jones
Date: 02 Dec 10 - 04:16 PM

This is from a song sung by the Fivepenny Piece. Look on their first album. Can't remember which song it's from, but definitely on this album.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Dec 10 - 04:06 PM

this hasnt half made me chuckle! Used to go to army cadets and couldnt remember 4 the life of me the rest of the versions but i do have 1 more verse to add!

I went to a shit house i used to frequent,
I told the attendant my money was spent,
i asked him politely to open the door,
he said not very likely so i Shat on the floor.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST
Date: 28 Aug 10 - 06:19 PM

Way down on the farm we are right up to date,
Farm mechanization's the byword of late.
For every task, there's a gadget to match,
But our new muck-spreader's the best of the batch.

    Fling it here, Fling it there,
    If you're standing by then you'll all get your share.

Now young Walter Hodgkins, he brought back a load
Of liquid manure from the farm up the road.
He hummed to himself as he drove up the street,
And his load also hummmmmmmmmmmed in the afternoon heat.

The muck-spreader had a mechanical fault,
And a bump in the road turned in on with a jolt.
An odorous spray of manure it let fly
Without fear or favor on all who passed by.

The cats and the dogs stank to high kingdom come,
And the kiddies, browned off, ran home screaming to Mum.
The trail of sheer havoc were terrible grim,
One open car were filled up to the brim.

The vicarage windows were all open wide,
When a generous helping descended inside.
The vicar, at table, intoned "Let us pray"
When manure from heaven came flying his way.

In garden, Miss Pringle was quite scandalized.
"Good gracious!" she cried, "I've been fertilized."
While the Methodist minister's teetotal wife
Were plastered for the very first time in her life.

And all of this time Walter trundled along,
He was quite unaware there was anything wrong,
Till a vision of woe flagged him down - what a sight!
A policeman all covered in . . . you've got it right.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST,GUEST
Date: 25 Jun 10 - 10:07 PM

I remember one of these from childhood...

Old Father Brown's hair was all falling out
So he went to the barber and started to shout:
"Oh please is there something to keep my hair in?"
"Of course," said the barber, "why not use a tin?"

There was also one about a person who worked at a butchers, but I can't remember the lyrics, sorry.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST
Date: 12 May 10 - 02:15 AM

Chorus
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,
10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1,
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,
10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1

To market, to market with my brother Jim,
When somebody threw a tomato at him,
Tomatoes are soft and they don't bruise the skin,
But this one killed Jim it was wrapped in a tin!

Chorus

Now Mary the milkmaid was milking a cow,
The trouble with Mary she didn't know how,
Along came the farmer, and gave her the sack,
So she turned the cow over and poured the milk back!
Chorus

(Alternative ending to Mary
She went and she tried, but she pulled the wrong tit,
And all of a sudden was covered in ****!)

Chorus

I called on my girlfriend, her name was Miss Brown,
She was having a bath so she couldn't come down,
I said 'slip on something, and you'd better be quick',
So she slipped on the soap and, by Gosh she was quick!

Chorus

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST,James
Date: 11 May 10 - 08:20 PM

Like Rob above, I also used to sing this song on Scout camping trips, usually around the camp fire, now about 25 years ago.

The only verses I remember are these which are kind of covered above but I thought I'd add them as they have slightly different wording:

-------
I went a-walking with my brother, Jim
Somebody threw a tomato at him
Now, tomatoes are soft and they don't break the skin
But this blighter did, it was still in the tin

To market, to market to buy me a cow
To milk it, to milk it, I did not know how
I pulled on the tail instead of the tit
And instead of milk, I was covered in sh...
-------

I also remember singing the verse a couple of people list above about someone going out with their coat on backwards, getting hit by a bus and would have survived were it not for having their head turned round. There were other verses that we sang but I don't remember them at all, even seeing all the variations above.

It's a very silly song but I have really fond memories of singing it... :-)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: Rob Naylor
Date: 11 May 10 - 06:31 AM

This song, with innumerable verses, changing according to location about the country, is one I remember as being one that we always sang on Boy Scout trips.

The "heaven and hell" verses changed according to the domicile of the Scout troop doign the singing, and every troop seemed to have its own "pet" verses relating to incidents peculiar to that troop.

The only constant thing was the "tomato in a tin" verse, AND
the chorus:

Too-ra-lye-oo-ra-lye-oo-ra-lye-ay
The chorus is good I could sing it all day
Too-ra-lye-oo-ra-lye-oo-ra-lye-ay
And now we will have the next verse

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: banjoman
Date: 11 May 10 - 05:47 AM

My Auntie Bertha in Hospital lay
The doctor who saw her was heard to say
This womans a miracle this womans a dream
Cos we've found drops of blood in her alcohol stream

The only verse I can add to all those who have already contributed.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: Paul Reade
Date: 10 May 10 - 04:34 PM

One verse (I think Mike Harding may have sung it) that no-one seems to have mentioned:-

"One day me granny, she made a rice pud
And when she had finished, by gum it were good
But she made it in't kettle, and we couldn't get t' bugger out
So we had to take turns sucking it out through the spout"

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 May 10 - 04:16 PM

There's not much use throwing tomatoes at anyone anymore if you live in North America. The corporate Agri-businesses here have genetically modified all the damn tomatoes so that they are about as hard as tennis balls (and they don't taste much better either).

They did this over a period of years with an eye toward protecting the tomatoes from rough handling by harvesting machines and in shipment, and to keep them from getting bruises so they will look nice and pristine at your grocery. They now have thick, tough skins and very little flavour at all. What flavour they have is mostly sour.

Tomatoes used to be delicious, and they were picked mostly by Mexican workers who were treated like slaves and paid starvation wages. This guaranteed big profits for the growers. The Mexicans and other migrant workers organized and fought for decent wages and working conditions....and finally got some of that after decades of struggle.

The growers were not pleased. Since they now had to pay a half-decent wage to the pickers, they decided they might be better off with no pickers at all, and they hired people to find a solution. The solution was to replace the pickers with automated harvesting machines, but the machines turned out to be too rough and the tomatoes were getting damaged a lot by them. This caused loss of stock and hurt profits.

The Agri-business people hired more scientists and specialists to figure out how to make the tomatoes more durable. Their efforts culminated in an "improved" tomato that is picked green, ripened in a room by immersion in a toxic gas that will kill you if you stay in that room very long, and shipped by the billions to all the chain stores in North America. It is, like I said, almost as tough as a tennis ball, looks nice and bright red and flawless after it's been artificially "ripened" off the vine, and tastes like a wretchedly pale shadow of the delicious tomatoes people used to grow on 100,000 small independent farms all over the place.

The small, independent farms are virtually all gone now, because they can't afford the hugely expensive harvesting machines and can't compete with the Big Boys.

And we all get to eat lousy, hard, not very good tasting tomatoes that are very much lacking in the vitamins and minerals that natural tomatoes once had...so you could say that you're eating denatured celluloid that looks like a tomato.

This is the triumph of modern mass marketing! Oh yeah...and about 50,000 migrant workers lost their jobs to the harvesting machines...all because they wanted to be paid a living wage and not treated like animals.

If you want to throw a tomato at someone, throw it at the CEO of the corporation that ships tomatoes to your local supermarket. And use an Italian-grown garden tomato from Italy...a REAL tomato that will be soft and thin skinned like a tomato should be. It'll make a real mess out of his $3000 suit.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST,Maria Peck
Date: 10 May 10 - 03:38 PM

these are the lyrics that my dad used to sing

"I went to market with my brother Jim
Somebody threw a tomato at him,
A tomato's alright when it wrapped in its skin
But this blooming tomato was wrapped in a tin"

and the other verse
"I was a courting a young girl named Brown
She was a bathing when l called around
I said slip on something, come down for a trip
And she slipped on the soap and she did come down quick"

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST
Date: 22 Jan 10 - 09:29 AM

Just thought I'd throw this wording in as its the one I remember from childhood:

(Chorus)
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10.
10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1.
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10.
10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1.

Mary the milkmaid was milking a cow,
The trouble with Mary, she didn't know how,
Out came the farmer and gave her the sack,
So she tipped the cow over and poured the milk back.

(chorus)

To market, to market with my brother Jim,
When someone threw a tomato at him,
Tomatoes are soft but this one killed him,
For this tomato was wrapped in a tin.

(chorus)

I called on my girlfriend, her name is Miss Brown,
She was having a shower and couldn't come down,
I said, "Slip on something, you'd better be quick."
So she slipped on the soap, and by god she was slick.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST,Fantum
Date: 25 Sep 09 - 07:29 AM

Gathered of Mudcat over the years

As I was a-walking one morning with a lass,
Two Guisbro farmers I chanced for to pass.
And one said to the other as we went strolling by,
"There be more birds in the long grass than there be in the sky."

Oh! Nellie is my girlfriend and I loves her so.
She's as big as an haystack and 40 years old.
Farmer says hers ginormous and loud do he scoff
For you has to leave a chalk mark to show where you left off.

Farmer looks at young Gwendolyn and he looks at young Ned.
"What a handsome young couple! They ought to be wed."
Farmer says sadly, "It's impossible, of course,
For Gwendolyn is my daughter and Ned he is my horse."

One day as her went milking with Nellie the cow,
Her pulled and her tugged but her didn't know how.
So after a short while, Nellie turned with a frown,
Saying, "You hang on tight, love, and I'll jump up and down."

There's a public convenience along North Gate Street,
And some silly beggar went and painted the seat.
Now bottoms are plentiful, and the all look the same,
But my arse is different, for it comes in a frame.

As I was a-walking down Allison Street,
I saw a poor bloke with no shoes to his feet.
Now I having plenty of brass for to spare,
I nipped into a fruit shop and I bought him a pear.

My cousin Jim one day for a stunt
Went out one day with his coat back to front.
A bloody big bus come and knocked our Jim down.
He would have been saved but they turned his head round.

Now Mary, the milkmaid, was milking the cow.
She was trying so hard but she didn't know how.
Along came the farmer and gave her the sack,
So she turned the cow over and poured the milk back!

I dreamt that I died, and to heaven did go,
But, "Where do you come from?" they wanted to know.
When I said from Guisbro they said, "Come right in.
You're the first one we've had from that cesspool of sin."

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: Tug the Cox
Date: 25 Sep 09 - 06:49 AM

I learned the 'Mr Reilly' versionas a kid in London, different third line though

Are you Mister Reilly who owns the Hotel?
Are you Mister Reilly they speak of so well?
Well if you're Mister Reilly they speak of so highly
Well blimey O'Reilly you are looking well.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST,Dave Webb.
Date: 24 Sep 09 - 11:59 AM

Dorset is Beautiful.
To market to market to market with Jim
When somebody threw a tomato at him
Tomatoes are soft when they're still in the skin
But this bugger weren't it was still in the tin.

Subject: 2nd verse of "Knocked 'em in The Old Kent Road"
From: GUEST,Xrias
Date: 20 Aug 09 - 12:24 PM

It starts "Your Uncle Bill in Clerkenwell"

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST,beefcake
Date: 07 Jun 09 - 12:27 AM

this part of a colin buchanan song. he is an australian singer and his songs are great. this song is from one of his kids cds but i cant remember which one

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 11 Mar 09 - 10:10 AM

Mark Fernandez: See the thread Lyr Add: Oh Jemima

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Mar 09 - 01:08 AM

Truly sorry for intruding, but would you know where I can find the song "Oh Jemima (look at your Uncle Jim)?

It is my old gran's fave, but I can't find it anywhere - not even on Amazon.

Could you please email me if you happen to know where I can find it?

Thank you!!!

[e-mail]

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: Bill S from Adelaide
Date: 11 Oct 08 - 06:36 PM

Kitty
from memory
Farmer looked at Young Gwendoline and he looked at Young Ned
What an andsome young couple they ought to be wed
But farmer sighed softly, its impossible of course
Cos Gwendoline's my daughter and Ned is my orse.

As I said on another thread, it is a pity we didn't collect all the verses the locals gave us in the Smiths Arms in 75.

On Song for Every Season there is a song
All young men who go a courtin, mind which way you choose a wife
If you marry my wife's daughter, you'll be a beggar for the rest of your life
20 18 16 14 12 10 8 6 4 2 none 19 17 15 13 11 9 7 5 3 and 1

Wassail
Bill S once from Perth now Melbourne

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST
Date: 11 Oct 08 - 06:19 PM

My dad used to sing a version of this that he learned from his dad. We used to sing it in the car when I was small. Same tune as Sweet Betsy From Pike. We knew it as Are You Mister Reilly?

Are You Mister Reilly that owns this hotel,
Are you Mister Reilly they speak of so well,
"Cause of you're Mister Reilly, then blimey o'reilly
If you're Mister Reilly you ain't half looking well

(Chorus) Hold your row, hold your row
What d'you say, what d'you say
For the queen of society lives down our way
For the queen of society lives down our way

I called on my sweetheart, her name was Miss Brown,
She was having a bath and she couldn't come down,
She said she'd slip on something and be down in a tick,
She slipped on the soap and she did come down quick

(Chorus)

One day I met a poor boy in the street
He was ever so hungry, no shoes to his feet
So as I had money and plenty to spare
I went to the fruiterer's and bought him a pair

(Chorus)

There was a young man and his name was Lord Jim
He complained that his wife threw tomatoes at him
Now tomatoes are soft and don't injure the skin
But this one it did, it was inside a tin

(chorus)

One day I died and to Heaven did go
And where did I come from, they wanted to know,
When I told them from *(insert birthplace here, in my dad's case it was Catford so that's how I learnt it)* it made them all stare
Come in, said St Peter, you're the first one from there

(Chorus)

The way I learnt it, it was a one of those sort of trad cockney songs, music hall I suppose, like My Old Man's A Dustman and Your Baby Has Gone Down The Plughole and Knocked 'Em In The Old Kent Road, that kind of thing.

Gosh, that's brought back memories.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST,mayomick
Date: 11 Oct 08 - 04:58 PM

Cockneys I used to know used to sing for the chorus :

hold yer row ,hear what i say
and we kill every copper that gets down our way

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST,Pete
Date: 11 Oct 08 - 05:15 AM

Mary the milkmaid was milking the cow,
and poor little Mary she didn't know how.
With only one udder to take hold and pull
Mary the milkmaid was milking the bull!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: clueless don
Date: 10 Oct 08 - 08:34 AM

In the sixties a local radio station (WHFS, in the Washington DC area) played a number of "hip recitations" or "beat recitations". I don't remember the name of the performer, or when the recordings were made (though I got the impression that it was before the sixties.)

One of them tells the story of Galileo taking "two unequally weighted balls of dough" and dropping them from a tower [presumably in reference to the famous demonstration that items of different weight fall at the same speed.] An observer says something like "Big deal - two dough balls" and "threw a tomato at the doctor" ("the doctor" being Galileo.) The recitation goes on - I don't remember anymore of the words until the very end - and at some point I think some cheese gets involved, so that finally they decide to call the tower "The Leaning Tower of Pizza".

There was another recitation, by the same performer I believe, about Albert Einstein. I would love to know more about these recitations!

Don

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST,kjmaybury
Date: 10 Oct 08 - 04:48 AM

This is what my dad used to sing to me when I was younger

Two big black eyes has my brother jim
cuz somebody threw some tomatoes at him
Tomatoes don't hurt said poor jim with a grin
But those darn tomatoes
They were in a tin

The salvation army once called at our door
said they were saving mens soles by the score
I said what about your woman
they said they are alright
I said Save me a big fat one for next saturday night

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST,Joyce
Date: 27 Jul 08 - 04:56 PM

I went down to the market to by a fat hen
an egg for me breakfast I'd have now and then
but when I got home, ew I had such a shock
the hen that I bought turned out to be a cock.
singing 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10......

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST,Hannah DC
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 02:27 PM

The 3 verses I grew up with were:

"To market, to market went my cousin Jim,
When somebody threw a tomato at him,
Tomatoes are soft and they don't break the skin,
But this one killed Jim - it was wrapped in a tin!"

"Mary the milkmaid was milking a cow,
The trouble with Mary she didn't know how!
The farmer came round and he gave her the sack,
So she tipped the cow over and poured the milk back!"

"Roger was taking his time in the shower,
Sue called from downstairs - 'You've been in for an hour!'
Roger called back - 'I'll be down in a tick!'
But he slipped on the soap and by Gee! He was quick!"

With a chorus of only

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To the same tune as the verse.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: LeTenebreux
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 05:34 PM

Not to go off on a tangent, but perhaps a second order Taylor polynomial, at least one version "So Long It's Been Good to Know You" has the following lines:

I went down to the barn, as has been my rule;
Went down to milk, had a pail and a stool.
The cow tossed her head and she swished 'round her tail
And planted her left hind foot smack in the pail.
I said, "Listen here, Bossy, stop pawin' the ground.
I had a hard night, I was slippin' around."
She looked at me with her eyes big and brown
And said "You just hang on, boy, I'll jump up and down.

This looks eerily similar. The verses have the same meter as "Somebody Threw A Tomato At Him" even if the tune isn't quite the same (I found a Johnny Cash recording of "Sweet Betsy from Pike".

I'm inclined to think that there's some sort of connection between these songs, even if it's just that other people besides me have felt compelled to mix and match verses.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST,Andy
Date: 14 Jan 08 - 04:25 PM

I remember The Fivepenny Piece doing a version of this Titled 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10. I have heard many versions since from a variety of people, most of the verses I rcall have been have been written above.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: GUEST,Suffolk Miracle
Date: 14 Jan 08 - 09:55 AM

I went to my girlfriend and this I did say:
'What would you like since today's your birthday?'
She said 'I'd like diamonds' - so right there and then
I gave her the ace jack queen king nine and ten.

I went for a trip on the old underground
But I slipped on the step and I fell to the ground.
The vicar rushed up -'Did you miss a step, son?'
I said 'No you daft *******, I hit every one'

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Somebody threw a tomato at him
From: LeTenebreux
Date: 13 Jan 08 - 09:52 AM

These lyrics fit in "So Long It's Been Good to Know Yuh". Is this a coincidence?