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Christmas Parodies I

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GUEST,jax 05 Jan 11 - 09:05 PM
framus 04 Dec 10 - 09:56 AM
GUEST,free bird 04 Dec 10 - 03:52 AM
GUEST,redcoon 08 Nov 10 - 04:13 PM
GUEST,Michele Callaghan 22 Dec 08 - 04:00 PM
GUEST,leanne 22 Dec 08 - 04:47 AM
Genie 20 Dec 08 - 04:49 PM
Stringsinger 20 Dec 08 - 02:56 PM
melodeonboy 20 Dec 08 - 09:11 AM
Genie 20 Dec 08 - 03:16 AM
Genie 20 Dec 08 - 02:14 AM
VirginiaTam 19 Dec 08 - 04:15 PM
GUEST,john_brunt 19 Dec 08 - 03:52 PM
Genie 14 Dec 08 - 11:52 PM
Genie 05 Dec 08 - 04:31 PM
Sooz 05 Dec 08 - 11:38 AM
MMario 05 Dec 08 - 08:37 AM
melodeonboy 05 Dec 08 - 07:02 AM
Cluin 04 Dec 08 - 10:06 PM
trevek 02 Dec 08 - 07:05 AM
Genie 01 Dec 08 - 09:16 PM
JennyO 20 Dec 06 - 07:31 AM
Ian 20 Dec 06 - 07:23 AM
GUEST,Jim I 20 Dec 06 - 05:57 AM
Ian 20 Dec 06 - 04:15 AM
oldhippie 19 Dec 06 - 09:58 PM
oggie 19 Dec 06 - 05:26 PM
Scrump 19 Dec 06 - 05:37 AM
GUEST,Owlkat 18 Dec 06 - 08:52 PM
voyager 18 Dec 06 - 06:04 PM
Scrump 17 Dec 06 - 07:18 AM
Bernard 16 Dec 06 - 01:43 PM
Desert Dancer 16 Dec 06 - 01:07 PM
GUEST,barry 20 Dec 03 - 12:16 PM
GUEST 19 Dec 03 - 09:22 PM
Snuffy 19 Dec 03 - 09:03 AM
Splott Man 19 Dec 03 - 07:58 AM
Stephen L. Rich 18 Dec 03 - 09:58 AM
JennyO 18 Dec 03 - 08:35 AM
GUEST,Jacqued 17 Dec 03 - 03:12 PM
GUEST,Jacqued 17 Dec 03 - 02:53 PM
Sandra in Sydney 17 Dec 03 - 08:31 AM
nutty 15 Dec 03 - 12:08 PM
The Fooles Troupe 30 Nov 03 - 10:30 PM
The Fooles Troupe 30 Nov 03 - 10:28 PM
Rapparee 23 Nov 03 - 12:01 PM
GUEST,Jane H 23 Nov 03 - 02:16 AM
The Fooles Troupe 22 Nov 03 - 09:51 PM
Alaska Mike 20 Nov 03 - 12:17 PM
GUEST,ClaireBear 20 Nov 03 - 11:58 AM
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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: GUEST,jax
Date: 05 Jan 11 - 09:05 PM

boymongoose presents:

l2 cricket ball damperers
ll syllable names
lO minute yoga
9 telly marketers
8 hollywood films
7-ll workers
six-sided graduates
5 indian games!











4 hardy kristians
3 buttered chikens
2 nosey inlaws
and a totally inofficient diary


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: framus
Date: 04 Dec 10 - 09:56 AM

Does anybody know Crawford Howard's version of the Twelve Days of Christmas, please?
All I can recollect is the "Five pints of stout" and the opening "A bloody great hot whiskey"
Youl'd probably need to be from the North Down area to have heard it,
most likely in John Fealty's.

Happy Chrysalids everybody'
Davy.


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: GUEST,free bird
Date: 04 Dec 10 - 03:52 AM

Joy to the world
the teacher is dead
we barbecues her head
what happened to her body
we flushed it down the potty
and around and around it goes
and around and around it goes
around, around, around it goes


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: GUEST,redcoon
Date: 08 Nov 10 - 04:13 PM

Hi all

looking for an old song
it was on a mix tape of twisted christmas songs back in the mid/late 90's probably older though

here are the lyrics i remember, to the tune of silver bells

starts off these three old ladies trying pay a bum for the corner he is on so they can sing carols ends up selling the spot for a quarter

i think the music is on accordion but i'm not sure

clanging bells, banging bells,
God it's the Salvation Army.

clattering, Shattering,
Who needs a headache right now

ok thanks all

cant even find these lyrics on google!!! Grrrrr

*one of the old ladies names is Nadine

i know its been 2 years since the last post but i am hoping!!!

redcoon4christ (at) yahoo.com


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: GUEST,Michele Callaghan
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 04:00 PM

My dad, Dale Tussing, wrote a double parody of O Tannenbaum and The Worker's Flag, which I think is up there with Pogo's Deck Us All With Boston Charlie.

Our Christmas tree is painted green
It's manufactured by machine.
Ere its limbs grow stiff and cold,
The green paint's dyed on every fold
So raise the sylvan banner high
Our Christmas tree will never die.
Though cowards flinch and traitors sneer,
We'll keep our Christmas tree all year.


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: GUEST,leanne
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 04:47 AM

frosty the yobbo
Got out on parole
The judge said he had no respect,
And little self control
Frosty the yobbo
As everybody knows
Is a snowman with an attitude and a carrot for a nose.

The kids threw snowballs at him,
With a constant whack whack whack,
But they got more than they bargained for when he upped and chucked them back

The police called in the special squad,
Who cordoned off the park,
They finally caught the snowman when they jumped him after dark

They put him in the corner
They couldnt let him thaw
A magistrate will not convict a puddle on the


Sorry i cant remember the last verse!
floor


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: Genie
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 04:49 PM

Stringsinger, I think "Walkin' 'Round In Women's Underwear" is already posted in the forum (if not the DT).


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: Stringsinger
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 02:56 PM

Does anyone know the words to "Walking 'Round In Women's Underwear"?

There is a classic recording of "Oh Holy Nightmare" which features a singer that is so
bad that he is great. When he cracks the high note, you will crack up.

Frank


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Subject: Lyr Add: CHRISTMAS ON THE ESTATE (Mike Gregory)
From: melodeonboy
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 09:11 AM

'Melodeonboy

please perform "Christmas on the Estate" this weekend at the Good Intent?'

Thank you, Virginia. It'll be a pleasure. (For details, see the Wassail at the Good Intent thread.)

And here, as promised, are the lyrics:

CHRISTMAS ON THE ESTATE

(To the tune of "Rockin' around the Christmas Tree")

There's nothing around the Christmas Tree 'cos the burglars come last night,
We didn't even hear a thing 'cos we were wrecked on Diamond White,
We don't know who did the job but we'll get back our loot,
We're a couple of big lads with a van and we'll raid the next car boot.

We'll won't tell the coppers that we've had the pikeys round,
If we did, then we'd be sorry 'cos most of it fell off the back of a lorry.

The kids' DVDs and PS3s are gone and it's not fair,
They won't have a single piece of bling when they go back into care,
But everything will be all right, we'll do as we've done before,
We'll wait till they've gone to their granny's house and then we'll burgle them next door.

(To the tune of "I saw Mummy Kissing Santa Claus")

I saw Bazza mugging Santa Claus, right outside the Dog & Duck last night,
The lead pipe gave a thud, and there was lots of blood,
Flowing from his head wound on his beard so snowy white,
If I grassed on who mugged Santa Claus, they'd beat out of me seven shades of shite,
And the cops will soon be here to get their share out of the gear,
That Bazza nicked off Santa Claus last night.

(To the tune of "Oh, Little Town of Bethlehem")

Oh, little town of Sittingbourne, I hate it when you're shut,
I can't get pissed at Bunter's Bar or hang around Pizza Hut,
All the pubs are shut, so I can't get a pint or game of pool,
But at least it's just another ten days 'fore I go back to school.


(To the tune of "The Twelve Days of Christmas")

On the twelfth day of Christmas my partner and me had

Twelve different kids by
Eleven different fathers
Ten Benson & Hedges
Nine, niniety-nine for
Eight chicken nuggets
Watney's Part Seven
Six-pack of Stella
Five......ring......tones
Four-bedroomed house
Free rental
Too much to drink and
A 52" plasma TV

I've rewritten some of the lyrics, but I'm not the original songwriter.


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Subject: Lyr Add: THE CHRISTMAS THONG (Jeanene Pratt)
From: Genie
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 03:16 AM

Back in Dec. 2001, Aine had a Song Challenge! concerning an office memo from Richard Branson to the Virgin Mobile staff re expected behavior (and verboten behavior) at the upcoming Christmas party - e.g., banning the practice of xeroxing rumps.    This New Christmas Party Conduct Guidelines generated a veritable spate of irreverent and hilarious compositions. Those that were parodies of Christmas carols or winter songs include these:

The Copied Bummer Boy

Rack Your Balls (Upon The Copier)

The Little Toner Drum Boy

The Office Secretary (Tune: Ding! Dong! Merrily On High

Just Bums Sitting On the Copier

Jolie All Saints Melanie

Give It A Rest, Ye Merry Revelers

This one is probably my favorite of the ones I had submitted: Memo (Re Christmas Office Party)

The Christmas Thong

THE CHRISTMAS THONG
Words:  Jeanene Pratt © 2001
Tune:  The Christmas Song            (Mel Tormé & Robert Wells, 1946)

Chester's perching on the copier; 

Jackson's ripping off his clothes; 

You'll find Carol being done by a buyer,* 

And folks act up like pesky shmoes.

Ev'rybody knows that turkey with his mistletoe 

Guarantees a raunchy time; 

Fanny Scott (hers  already exposed)

Is in the fax-your-fanny line.

 We know there's gonna be horseplay - 
 
We're loaded girls and boys with booty to display. 
 
But Virgin's legal team is gonna spy 
 
For fear that some dear cuts her butt here and cries.

And so they're offering this silly rule:

"You kids, no copies in the nude.

You know it's been said many years, many days,

'Merry Christmas, 
Merry Christmas, 

Merry Christmas-- 
You're sued!'"

*Alternative lines (if the setting is altered a bit): 
   
Jewel's tied Carroll to a hunk from the choir 
   
You'll find Carol being done by the choir. 
   
Jewel's tied Carroll to a bunk by the fire. 
**Alternative line: 
    And Boy George dressed up like a 'ho.'


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: Genie
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 02:14 AM

Chipmunks Roasting On An Open Fire (Bob Rivers)


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 19 Dec 08 - 04:15 PM

Melodeonboy

please perform "Christmas on the Estate" this weekend at the Good Intent?


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Subject: Lyr Add: THE SCOUSE ROBBING DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
From: GUEST,john_brunt
Date: 19 Dec 08 - 03:52 PM

THE SCOUSE ROBBING DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

On the first day of christmas my true love robbed for me
a hub cap of a ca-pri

On the second day of christmas my true love robbed for me
two tee vees
and a hub cap of a ca-pri

On the third day of christmas my true love robbed for me
three shell suits
two tee vees
and a hub cap of a ca-pri

On the fourth day of christmas my true love robbed for me
four prada shirts
three shell suits
two tee vees
and a hub cap of a ca-pri

On the fifth day of christmas my true love robbed for me
five burberry hats
four prada shirts
three shell suits
two tee vees
and a hub cap of a ca-pri

On the sixth day of christmas my true love robbed for me
six pairs o' trainees
five burberry hats
four prada shirts
three shell suits
two tee vees
and a hub cap of a ca-pri

On the seventh day of christmas my true love robbed for me
seven burgerburger kings
six pairs o' trainees
five burberry hats
four prada shirts
three shell suits
two tee vees
and a hub cap of a ca-pri

On the eighth day of christmas my true love robbed for me
eight petrol stations
seven burgerburger kings
six pairs o' trainees
five burberry hats
four prada shirts
three shell suits
two tee vees
and a hub cap of a ca-pri

On the ninth day of christmas my true love robbed for me
nine ladies handbags
eight petrol stations
seven burgerburger kings
six pairs o' trainees
five burberry hats
four prada shirts
three shell suits
two tee vees
and a hub cap of a ca-pri

On the tenth day of christmas my true love robbed for me
ten gucci watches
nine ladies handbags
eight petrol stations
seven burgerburger kings
six pairs o' trainees
five burberry hats
four prada shirts
three shell suits
two tee vees
and a hub cap of a ca-pri

On the eleventh day of christmas my true love robbed for me
eleven sovereign rings
ten gucci watches
nine ladies handbags
eight petrol stations
seven burgerburger kings
six pairs o' trainees
five burberry hats
four prada shirts
three shell suits
two tee vees
and a hub cap of a ca-pri

On the twelvth day of christmas my true love robbed for me
twelve o a p's
eleven sovereign rings
ten gucci watches
nine ladies handbags
eight petrol stations
seven burgerburger kings
six pairs o' trainees
five burberry hats
four prada shirts
three shell suits
two tee vees
and a hub cap of a ca-pri


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: Genie
Date: 14 Dec 08 - 11:52 PM

Twelve Days of Cat-Mas
Feline version of 12 Days Of Christmas


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: Genie
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 04:31 PM

I like that doughnuts song, Leo.   Is that the same tune as
"Don't I Know This Possum?"


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Subject: Lyr Add: MARY'S BOY CHILD
From: Sooz
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 11:38 AM

Oggie asked for this two years ago - hope you're still around!
                                 
MARY'S BOY CHILD
(as re-written for Christmas Grumpies by Grumpy John Conolly …)


Long time ago in Bethlehem,so the Holy Bible say
Christmas was invented – but they couldn't make it pay ..
They had no supermarkets,for to make the shekels roll –
Such wasted opportunity offends my very soul …

CHORUS :   HARK NOW HEAR THE ANGELS SING –LISTEN WHAT THEY SAY –
                      THAT IN THIS WORLD OF SINNERS, THERE'S A MUG BORN EVERY DAY …

Now, I'm a Supermarket Boss, I've got a chain of shops
And when it comes to Christmas time,we pull out all the stops…
Christmas Carols on the Musak,hear them loudly play,
And when they've pulled the punters in,we make the suckers pay …

Now Santa Claus's Magic Grotto brings in kids galore
While Mums and Dads are getting blotto, in the pub next door..
Come closing time,they'll wait in line ,to buy their Christmas tree –
Of course,they're twice the normal price ,but – Buy One,Get One Free !

Step right in for "Peace on Earth" and FREE "Goodwill to Man",
With our Olde English Christmas tat,made in Ye Olde Taiwan …
Get your plastic Homer Simpson,he's the latest rave –
You just unscrew his arsehole, and he's full of aftershave …

Now,down our street it looks a treat ,each house got up in style,
And our front garden's all lit up,like Blackpool's Golden Mile …
It's down to Dad – he's just gone mad ,with his Outdoor Lighting Set ..
And our New Year electric bill looks like the National Debt …

Old Christmas Hits from Yesteryear get thrust at me and you –
Like "Do They Know It's Christmas?" – YES, I THINK WE BLOODY DO !!!
We've known since MID-OCTOBER,and I really think it's time
To tell Cliff Richard where to stick his "Mistletoe and Wine " ….


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: MMario
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 08:37 AM

When our Dikckens carolers go into the bakery we frequently sing our :Qaulity control Carol"

Doughnuts, no yeast, pitch'em!


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: melodeonboy
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 07:02 AM

There's a really funny Christmas medley called "Christmas on the Estate" which appeared last year, and which I've adopted into my Christmas repertoire. I can't remember where it came from.

If anybody knows where it is, perhaps they can put it onto this thread, with appropriate link. Failing that, I'll put the lyrics on here myself, but it would, of course, be better with both a link to the song and a credit to whoever wrote it.


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: Cluin
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 10:06 PM

The Grinch Revisited.


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: trevek
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 07:05 AM

Bill Barclay's 12 days of Christmas, where he gets drunk singing it...
http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=45868&messages=51&page=1

Boy Mongoose's version of 12 days
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owK5tHjL0aE

Achmed the dead terrorist's "Jingle Bombs"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wskT6YfVB6E


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: Genie
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 09:16 PM

Refresh!


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Subject: Lyr Add: JOHN HOWARD'S CHRISTMAS (John Warner)
From: JennyO
Date: 20 Dec 06 - 07:31 AM

Here's one that John wrote last year about our prime miniscule:


JOHN HOWARD'S CHRISTMAS

John Warner - December 2005. Tune - Good King Wencessessesslauss [ don't know how to stop spelling it.]

Christmas presents filled the mind
Of wee johnny howard.
He would rob the workers blind,
To see the rich empowered.
With his tiny brain in gear,
Plans the lad was making,
Gifts to give his mates this year,
From all others taking.

Workers who don't toe the line,
Let the bosses sack them.
Johnny howard says it's fine,
They'll have laws to back them.
All unfair dismissal laws,
Tinsel wrapped with holly,
Scrapped in the employers cause,
Won't that gang be jolly.

"Here's your nasal grindstone mate,
Gift wrapped from your master.
Don't complain or curse your fate,
Kindly pedal faster."
Round and round and round she goes,
Wearing faces down sir,
Bloody, red and flat our nose,
Howard's nose is brown, sir.

"Bring me flesh and bring me wine,
Bring a barbecue sir.
Plenty for these mates of mine,
No, there's none for you sir.
Lots of debts and lots of lies,
Financial excision,
If you dare to criticise,
We call that sedition."

Once a year does Christmas come,
A subject for reflection,
Noses flat and spirits numb,
When's the next election?
One more gift to open folks,
And it's a back hander,
One of howard's little jokes,
A national gerrymander.

Red suit and a fluffy beard,
Don't suit our prime minister.
Howard's puny soul is geared,
To a dress more sinister.
Mask and jemmy, stripey vest,
Pitchfork, horns and tail sir,
But broad arrows would be best,
And ten years in jail sir.


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: Ian
Date: 20 Dec 06 - 07:23 AM

To follow on Jim I

CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE DISTURBED


1. Schizophrenia ---
Do I Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder ---
We Three Kings Disoriented Are

3. Dementia ---
I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic ---
Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic ---
Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and
Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees
And.....


6. Paranoid ---
Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder ---
Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8. Personality Disorder ---
You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout,
Maybe I'll Tell You Why

9. Attention Deficit Disorder ---
Silent night, Holy... Oooh look at the Froggy
    - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle, Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle, Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: GUEST,Jim I
Date: 20 Dec 06 - 05:57 AM

I remember when young (many decades ago) and non PC (still!) we used to sing

God rest ye Jerry mentlemen
Let nothing you dismay
Although you're in a loony bin
Ye might get out one day

Unfortunately the ravages of time have deleted the rest from what passes from my brain.


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: Ian
Date: 20 Dec 06 - 04:15 AM

This hit my inbox yesterday
(Scouse is slang for Liverpudlian ie of Liverpool UK)

Scouse Christmas Song - (to the tune of Mistletoe and Wine: ...)


Christmas time, drunkenness and crime,
Children playing - in filth and grime,
With cars all on fire - loot under the tree
Time to rejoice - in be-ing scally,
It's a time now for stealing, a time for receiving,
Knocked-off gear - oh worra great feelin
Why pay top dollar - yer can nick it for free,
Just like our lecky, - gas and TV


Christmas time, p*ssed all the time
Nicking ciggies, - spirits and wine
Wearing-shell-suits and Nykees - all knocked off gear
It's great getting p*ssed - on some other bloke's beer
Its a time now for drinkin - six packs of Stella
Dat yer got down the backs - from some dodgy Fella
Christmas is sound - Christmas is best
God bless our Cilla - and the DHSS

Christmas time - time to joy-ride
Then go and visit - family inside
With Dad on a six stretch - and sis up the duff
This 'City of Culcher' can get pretty rough
So next time your driving - through Liverpool-city
You may just know why - the streets look so sh*tty
So keep a sharp eye out - for those dodgy deals
But don't drive too slow - or we'll pinch all four wheels!


And Merry Chistmas/Xmas/Yueltide to you all.
Ian


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: oldhippie
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 09:58 PM

Tune: "I'll Be Home For Christmas"

I'm dreaming tonight of a place I love
Even more than I usually do
And although I'm lost, it's a long road back
This I promise you...
Well, I'll be home for Christmas
You can plan on me
So, please have snow and lots of mistletoe
And presents under the tree
Oh, Christmas eve will find me
Where the love light gleams
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: oggie
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 05:26 PM

John Connelly has a great one but I can only remember the chorus

Hark now hear the angels sing
Listen to what they say,
That in this world of sinners
There's a mug bornevery day.

Anyone got the verses?

All the best

oggie


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: Scrump
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 05:37 AM

Don't forget:

An immigrant lad loved an Irish colleen
From Dublin's Galway Bayyeeeeeeee
He longed for her arms
But she spurned his charms
And sailed o'er the foam awayyyeeee
She left the lad at home on his own
All alone, and sorroweeee-inggggggggg
And sadly he dreamed,
(Or at least that's the way it seemed, buddy)
That an angel choir to himmmmmmm,
An angel choir did singgggggggggggg


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: GUEST,Owlkat
Date: 18 Dec 06 - 08:52 PM

Spike Milligan's christmas song;
I'm walking backwards for christmas
Across the Irish sea
I'm walking backwards for christmas
It's the only life for me
I've tried walking sideways, and to the front
People just said, "Oh that's just a publicity stunt"
I'm walking backwards for christmas
The only thing for meeeeeeeeeeeee.

...think I got most of the words
Cheers.


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: voyager
Date: 18 Dec 06 - 06:04 PM

I don't think of Channukah as a 'parody' of the Xmas Season but....
the MUSE delivered a tune this year in the spirit of 'O Tannenbaum,
O Tannenbaum'......

Here it is
   O Channukah, O Channukah

Enjoy the holiday season!
voyager


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: Scrump
Date: 17 Dec 06 - 07:18 AM

JK's CD is highly recommended! :-)

His Gaudete parody reminds me of the old Norfolk (and good) song:

Awayday, awayday, loco in transit
Omnibus, St Pancreas, awayday
(etc.)


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: Bernard
Date: 16 Dec 06 - 01:43 PM

John Kirkpatrick's parody of 'Gaudete', which is part of 'Carolling and Crumpets'... on the new album of the same name.

Cows eat hay
But today it's juiced tomatoes
Eggs for tea the turkey lay
Yesterday.


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: Desert Dancer
Date: 16 Dec 06 - 01:07 PM

Refreshing!


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: GUEST,barry
Date: 20 Dec 03 - 12:16 PM

"I don't Care Who You are, Fatty, Get Those Reindeer off my Roof"

I don't know if this is just a made-up song title I read somewhere or an actual song.


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 09:22 PM

Heard one on the radio this morning to the tune of "The Lady is a Tramp". Anyone have the lyrics?


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: Snuffy
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 09:03 AM

Pretty close to my list, Ned.

Mayor Dazeby
Marion Bright
Anne-May Allyer
Chris
Mrs B White

Nadolig llawen


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: Splott Man
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 07:58 AM

Haven't seen this one yet (from my youth)

We three Beatles of Liverpool are
John in a taxi, Paul in a car
George on a scooter, honking his hooter
Following Ringo Starr

I believe it's an updated variant on a previous version

And here's a Christmas dedication

to

Mair Daisby
Marianne Bright
Anne Mayall
Yer Chris
Mrs B White


Happy Christmas


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: Stephen L. Rich
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 09:58 AM

Good King What'shisface stood out on his feet uneven
Tired from a drinking bout of the preceding evening
His face was red he looked half dead
His serving man said, "Well, sir
It looks like time to go and get the Royal Alkaseltzer."

Stephen Lee


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Subject: Lyr Add: 'TWAS THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS
From: JennyO
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 08:35 AM

You need to read this BEFORE Christmas.


'TWAS THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS
============================

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
Every creature was hurtin' even the mouse.
The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa passed out, with some ice on his head.

Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor,
While upstairs the family continued to snore.

And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
I went into the kitchen and started to clean.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror.

The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket said "U.S. POSTMAN."

With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox.
Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox.

Bill after bill, after bill, they still came.
Whistling and shouting he called them by name:
"Now Dillard's, now Broadway's, now Penny's and Sears
Here's Robinson's, Levitz's and Target's and Mervyn's.
To the tip or your limit, every store, every mall,
Now chargeaway-chargeaway-chargeaway all!"

He whooped and he whistled as he finished his work.
He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk.
He sprang to his truck and he drove down the road,
Driving much faster with just half a load.

Then I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,
"ENJOY WHAT YOU BOUGHT.......

YOU'LL BE PAYING ALL YEAR!"

Anon


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Subject: Lyr Add: ARREST THESE MERRY GENTLEMEN (Sid Kipper)
From: GUEST,Jacqued
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 03:12 PM

Ana, try these:

ARREST THESE MERRY GENTLEMEN
Sid Kipper


Arrest these merry gentlemen and make them go away,
Arrest these merry gentlemen it may be Christmas Day.
But they're singing and they're shouting and they're causing an affray,

So take tidings to Constable Joy, Constable Joy,
So take tidings to Constable Joy.


Arrest these merry gentlemen a'begging in the street,
They're dirty and they're ragged, they've no boots upon their feet.
They're not the type of person who we really wish to meet,

So take tidings to Constable Joy, Constable Joy,
So take tidings to Constable Joy.


Arrest these merry gentlemen they're rough unruly louts,
Now they've started arguing and loudly they do shout.
And soon I think we'll see some Christmas boxing breaking out,

So take tidings to Constable Joy, Constable Joy,
So take tidings to Constable Joy.


Arrest these merry gentlemen who in their gutters crawl,
The good, the bad, the ugly, the long, the short, the tall.
We'd like to wish a miserable Christmas to them all,

So take tidings to Constable Joy, Constable Joy,
So take tidings to Constable Joy


30/11/99.


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Subject: Lyr Add: THE SNOWMAN'S SONG
From: GUEST,Jacqued
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 02:53 PM

Try this, Guest A1

THE SNOWMAN'S SONG
Paper Angels - Artisan CD
James and Mayor

In the middle of the winter the snowman got quire bored,
So he thought he'd take a holiday to a sunny land abroad.
He wasn't frightened of the sun, he thought he'd be okay,
But he went for a swim in the deep blue sea,
And he melted clean away!
It's c-c-c-c-cold being a snowman, it's fr-fr-fr-frosty stood out here,
Me teeth they chatter like a chimpanzee,
Oh what I'd give for a nice cup of tea,
I'm a ch-ch-ch-chilly, chilly, c-c-c-cold, fr-fr-fr-frosty snowman!

There once was a handsome snowman called Michael John O'Grady,
Who fell in love on a winter's morn with another rather nice snow lady.
She gave him a kiss on his frosty lips and then they had a cuddle,
But then they got a bit too hot and turned into a puddle!
Chorus

There once was a snowman climber who climbed up a snowy peak,
But he didn't feel like climbing down 'cos his legs had gone all weak!
But snowmen they are clever and in the mountains you can spot 'em,
They turn into an avalanche and slide down on their bottom!
Chorus

Oh pity the poor snowman out in a winter's storm,
An old top hat and a football scarf are all that keep him warm.
He'd sooner sit inside the house by the fireside nice and snug,
But if he did he'd turn into a wet patch on the rug!
Chorus

There once was a showman snowman who played the ukulele,
And though his fingers froze tot he bone he gave his concerts daily.
He thought it was a small guitar 'cos once he had been told,
That things got bigger when they warm up and shrink when they get cold!
It's c-c-c-c-cold being a snowman, it's fr-fr-fr-frosty stood out here,
Me teeth they chatter like a chimpanzee,
Oh what I'd give for a nice cup of tea,
I'm a ch-ch-ch-chilly-chilly, c-c-c-cold, fr-fr-fr-frosty snowman!
Last line of chorus x 2
08/12/03


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Subject: Lyr Add: POLITICALLY CORRECT NIGHT BEFORE XMAS
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 08:31 AM

dunno where this came from - it was sent to me today by a friend.
...............................


"T'was the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?

His workers no longer would answer to "Elves,"
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.

And labour conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.

And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.

So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked bloody stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.

And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.

Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur-trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose

And had gone on Oprah, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.

So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,

Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Mz .

And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.

Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.

Nothing that clamoured or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.

Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's war-like or non-pacific.

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.

And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.

For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No soccer , no footy ...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.

Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, dishevelled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.

His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.

A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;

Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.

So here is that gift, its price beyond worth...
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: nutty
Date: 15 Dec 03 - 12:08 PM

refresh


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 30 Nov 03 - 10:30 PM

An Udder Charisma Scare Roll

Oak gum ball if facefull, choy fall ant dry infant;
Gum ball ease it is sins off heavy nabob.
Gum band a door imp, barn off kinky faint shells.
Oak omelet acid Durham, oak omelet acid Durham,
Oak gum lettuce at Durhammm, cry, I still hoard.


And a harp pine weir two ewe.

Robin


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 30 Nov 03 - 10:28 PM

A Charisma Scare Roll

Go dressed team marriage end dull meant
Lit north ink cutest May
Forge eases cry star say fiord
West boor non crisp mistake,
Two safe assault form say tons spar
Win whee wore gonifs tray;
Owe, tide ink's off come fort enjoy, come fort enjoy,
Owe tye eye dink's off come fort enjoy.


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Nov 03 - 12:01 PM

Oh little town of Bethlehem
How still we see thee lie
Above thy deep and lifeless sleep
The mushroom clouds roll by.

Yet in thy dark streets shineth
That mushrooms glaring light
The hopes and fears of all the years
Were blown to hell, tonight.


Yes, we sang it in high school.


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Subject: Christmas parodies
From: GUEST,Jane H
Date: 23 Nov 03 - 02:16 AM

I didn't see this Beechams version of Hark the Herald Angels Sing (my dad's favourite):

Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
Beechams Pills are just the thing!
One at night and two in the morning
They will work without any warning!
If you want to go to heaven
then you take a dose of seven,
If you want to go to Hell
Take the bloody box as well!

Merry Christmas and thanx to all, particularly JennyO for Christmas Has Been Cancelled!!


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 22 Nov 03 - 09:51 PM

Lady Jean
that 3 Kings joke
is similar to what the Goon Show written by Spike Milligan did... :-)

except there was a sound of a gunshot ...


Robin


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Subject: Lyr Add: THE RESTROOM DOOR SAID GENTLEMEN (Rivers)
From: Alaska Mike
Date: 20 Nov 03 - 12:17 PM

THE RESTROOM DOOR SAID GENTLEMEN by Bob Rivers
Sung to the Tune of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"

The restroom door said gentlemen
So I just walked inside
I took two steps and realized I'd been taken for a ride
I heard high voices
And I saw the place was occupied
By two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse
What could be worse
Than two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse

The restroom door said gentlemen
It must have been a gag
As soon as I walked in there I ran into some old hag
She sprayed me with a can of mace and hit me with her bag
I could tell this just wouldn't be my day,
What can I say
It just wasn't turning out to be my day

The restroom door said gentlemen
And I would like to find
The crummy little creep who had the nerve to switch the sign
Cause I've got two black eyes and one high heel up my behind
Now I can't sit with comfort and joy
Boy oh boy
No I'll never sit with comfort and joy


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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: GUEST,ClaireBear
Date: 20 Nov 03 - 11:58 AM

For all you nautical characters . . . this is awfully silly, but it's been a real hit with the kiddies at Chanteyranger's park's "Christmas at Sea" event:

What do you do with a red-nosed reindeer?
What do you do with a red-nosed reindeer?
What do you do with a red-nosed reindeer
ear-lie Christmas morning?

Way-hey, up he rises
Way-hey, up he rises
Way-hey, up he rises
ear-lie Christmas morning

(verses ad lib; our faves include the following:)

Fill him up with figgy pudding

Throw him in the eggnog, make him drink it

Don't let him play any reindeer games

Put him in charge of an elf self help group

Give him a sack of magic feed corn

Hitch him up to Santa's sleigh

Send him on a fast flight 'round the planet

That's what we do with a red-nosed reindeer . . .


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