BS: Message from Australia

Subject: Message from Australia
From: Mrrzy
Date: 08 Dec 00 - 11:42 AM

Came to me, thought I'd share it - not musical but feel free to try to put this to a song!

Here is the announcement from Australia:

TO THE CITIZENS OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, on behalf of the United Kingdom, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and their territories, except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders, it is the Rt. Hon. Tony Blair, MP) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (Look up "vocabulary.") Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. (Look up "interspersed.")

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen," but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up halfway through.

6. You should stop playing American "football." There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 1.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armor like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day."

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Subject: RE: BS: Message from Australia
From: katlaughing
Date: 08 Dec 00 - 11:56 AM

Um, Mrzzy, this has been in two threads that I know of, already. There's even been a response from the colonies thread. Sorry...**BG**

kat

Subject: RE: BS: Message from Australia
From: Jeri
Date: 08 Dec 00 - 12:06 PM

I think this is #5, but who's counting. :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Message from Australia
From: Mrrzy
Date: 08 Dec 00 - 02:05 PM

Oh well, I didn't see it here! And I have already been sorry that my computer won't let me search first... so if the elves want to get rid of this, fine with me!

Subject: RE: BS: Message from Australia
From: MMario
Date: 08 Dec 00 - 02:27 PM

that's okay. it happens. just figured you'd want to know why response is so bleah.

Subject: RE: BS: Message from Australia
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 08 Dec 00 - 07:06 PM

Mrzzy, I'm not quite sure what you mean by your computer not allowing you to search but there were problems with the forum supersearch for a while and it needed a different link to use it. This problem appears to be fixed now.

Jon

Subject: RE: BS: Message from Australia
From: Bill D
Date: 08 Dec 00 - 07:09 PM

one of the advantages of the WWW/internet is that information can be disseminated to LOTS of people in a short time...one of the DISadvantages of the WWW/internet is that information can be disseminated to LOTS of people in a short time

Subject: RE: BS: Message from Australia
From: Bob Bolton
Date: 09 Dec 00 - 10:31 PM

G'day Bill D,

Another disadvantage of the www is that you can ask people questions on Mudcat and (probably because it collapsed under the weight of all that song talk) you keep logging in to see if there is a reply ... and there is stony silence.

(Sorry: I'm still hoping to hear some extra details on the Beer Family and their interesting rework of Starry Night for a Ramble!

Regard(les)s,

Bob Bolton

Subject: RE: BS: Message from Australia
From: The Sugar Dog (inactive)
Date: 09 Dec 00 - 10:44 PM

"What's this about relocation to Independence? I don't want to live in Missouri! Who is behind this? How could a whole country move to one small city anyway? This is a bad idea! We must declare war on Australia immediately! There will never be a train conductor big and strong enough to force me to go to Independence! Write to your elected officials immediately and protest this action! Do you want to end up in Indepen....

"What? Speak up... closer, I can't hear....

"Oh! Relocation OF Independence?

"What's all this about the relocation of Independence? It's fine right where it is! If it wanted to move it would say so! What business is it of Australia's anyway? Would they like it if we came and towed Sydney over to New Zealand???

"Oh! REVOCATION of independence!"

"... :+ )... Never mind... ."