Lyr Add: parodies sung by Homer and Jethro

Subject: Homer and Jethro
From: Ferrara
Date: 20 Sep 97 - 10:49 PM

I'd like to start collecting the words to some of Homer and Jethro's parodies. It's maddening to remember a line or two and then come up short. Does anyone remember any part of "Your Little Ol' Kiss of Fire"? It starts with, "I touch your lips and all at once my teeth perspire"

The chorus is: You got a pucker like a possum suckin' 'simmons
The way you kiss, you must have practiced on some lemons
And when I touch your lips it sets my mouth on fire
Dadburn that cig-gar and your Little Ol' Kiss of Fire."

Subject: Lyr Add: LI'L OLE KISS OF FIRE (Homer & Jethro)
From: Gene
Date: 21 Sep 97 - 03:25 AM

Well, Ferrara - here's the way it sounds to me! ENJOY!

LI'L OLE KISS OF FIRE - Recorded by Homer & Jethro
Words and music by Lester Allen & Robert Hill

I tetch yore lips. That's when the trouble starts a-brewin'.
I can't resist the brand of 'baccer you are chewin'.
And though my heart goes boom, just like a blown out tire,
I'm jist plumb crazy for yore Li'l Ole Kiss of Fire.

Jist like a calf you've got me roped and tied and branded.
You'd make a fortune with your kissin' if you canned it.
And though I know you're true to Lem and Zeke and Willie,
I'm still plumb silly for yore Li'l Ole Kiss of Fire.

The flames are flyin'. I'm on the pan a-fryin'.
What good is there denyin', a-sighin' and a cryin'?
The flame is spurtin'. My darlin', I'm a-hurtin'.
If I must burn, then darlin', bake me like a bun
'Til I'm well done, 'til I'm well don-one, ooh-ooh-oh Lord.

Give me yore lips and watch me sizzle like a cinder.
Jist one more kiss and I'll go flyin' out the winder.
You got me on the griddle and I'll always be there.
Yes, what put me there? Yore Li'l Ole Kiss of Fire.

You got a pucker like a possum eatin' 'simmons.
The way you kiss, you must have practiced on some lemons.
And when you kiss me, you set my mouth on fire.
Dadburn that cigar and yore Li'l Ole Kiss of Fire!

See the original KISS OF FIRE posted in another thread. –JoeClone, 13-May-2008.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From:
Date: 22 Sep 97 - 07:49 PM

Are these the fellows who did "I'm My Own Grampa"?

Subject: Lyr Add: I'M MOVIN' ON #2 (Homer and Jethro)
From: Bob Landry
Date: 22 Sep 97 - 09:45 PM

I, too, am trying to expand my meager collection of H&J classics. Here's one that I found in Cowpie, submitted to them by the famous Gene Graham.

I'M MOVIN' ON #2
As recorded by Homer & Jethro
(To the tune of MOVIN' ON written by Hank Snow)

The [D] old hound-dog was a-feelin' fine
Till he [D7] fell in a barrel of turpentine.
He's a-[G] movin' on. He's a-movin' [D] on.
He [A] passed the gate like an eighty-eight. He's a-movin' [D] on.

There was a smart guy from the city
And he picked up a stri-ped kitty.
He's a-movin' on. He's a-movin' on.
We held our nose as we buried his clothes. We're a-movin' on.

I let a man work on my car
Then he grabbed hold of a spark-plug wire.
He's a-movin' on. He's a-movin' on.
He turned it loose when he felt the juice. He's a-movin' on.

The old tomcat was a-feelin' mean
When he caught his tail in the sewin' machine.
He's a-movin' on. He's a-movin' on.
He ripped a stitch when he hit the ditch. He's a-movin' on.

The old man's face got white as a sheet
When he slipped and fell in his Cream o' Wheat.
He's a-movin' on. He's a-movin' on.
He flapped his ears as he shifted his gears. He's a-movin' on.

Uncle John got awful clean
When he fell into the washin' machine.
He's a-movin' on. He's a-movin' on.
He couldn't straddle that doggone paddle. He's a-movin' on.

We travel a lot to make our showin'.
The way we sing, we have to keep goin'.
We're a-movin' on. We're a-movin' on.
We've gotta go. Here comes Hank Snow. We're a-movin' on.

See the original I'M MOVIN' ON posted in another thread. –JoeClone, 13-May-2008.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GaryD
Date: 22 Sep 97 - 11:29 PM

To answer Tim, don't think so..I'm My Own Grandpa was made famous on the Grand Ole Opry by Jim & Jessie, I believe.. As for H&J, I remember one from my youth. to the tune of Battle of New Orleans. Can't remember it all, but it was supposed to be a boy scout song, Title I think was Camp Kookamonga

We are the boys from Camp Kookamonga,
mother sent us here to study nature's ways.
We learned to make sparks by rubbing sticks together,
but if we catch the girls, we'll set the woods ablaze!...Chorus

Racking my brain, can't remember any of the verses, only the ending.."We don't smoke, and we don't Chew...and We don't go with the girls that do!..

Think I'll search under Kookamonga..who knows?

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GaryD
Date: 22 Sep 97 - 11:56 PM

Went away for a while..thought I saw something recently about H&J...found it..Great picture of H&J in a Kelloggs Advertisement..as well as some great stuff about them and Mandolins..try the Mandolin Cafe http://www.mandolincafe.com/kellogs.html Good night....Gary

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Gene
Date: 22 Sep 97 - 11:58 PM

Hi! Actually, it was Lonzo & Oscar that mostly made "I'm My Own Grandpa'' famous...in fact, they were made members of the Grand Ole Opry on account of it...tho' many others have recorded it...

Subject: Lyr Add: THE BATTLE OF CAMP KOOKAMONGA
From: Gene
Date: 23 Sep 97 - 02:13 PM

Maybe someone from New York can correct the phonetically spelled "Aneekanike."

Can't find anything on the map that resembles what it sounds like.


THE BATTLE OF CAMP KOOKAMONGA
Recorded by Homer & Jethro
Words and music by Jimmy Driftwood & J. J. Reynolds

In nineteen and fifty-nine, we took a little hike
With our scoutmaster down to Lake Aneekanike(?).
We took a little pizza and we took some sauerkrauts,
And we marched along together till we heard the Girl Scouts.

1ST CHORUS: We're the boys from Camp Kookamonga.
Our mothers sent us here for to study nature's ways.
We learned to make sparks by rubbin' sticks together,
But if we catch the girls, then we'll set the woods ablaze.

SPOKEN: And I was mad 'cause me mother sent me up here! Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah!

Well, we crept up to the water and we see'd the girls a-swimmin'.
There musta been a hunderd of 'em, purty young women.
They looked so fine, even birds forgot to sing.
We laid down in the poison oak and didn't say a thing. CHORUS

SPOKEN: Hey, will one of you fellers scratch my back?

Well, our counselor said we could take 'em by surprise
If we didn't say a word till we looked 'em in the eyes.
We kept real still and we had our eyes a-glued.
We saw how they were dressed. They were swimmin' in the—well, now... CHORUS

2ND CHORUS: Well they ran through the briars and they ran through the brambles
And they ran through the bushes where a rabbit couldn't go.
They ran so fast even we couldn't catch 'em,
From Lake Aneekanike(?) all the way to Buffalo.

SPOKEN: Hey, fellers, wait for me!

Well, we ran right after them till ev'ryone was pooped,
So we rested for a minute and our forces we regrouped.
Then we saw the girls behind some evergreens
Captured by a company of United States Marines. CHORUS

SPOKEN: Aw, them big guys get ever'thing! 2ND CHORUS

A rootie-toot-toot. (A rootie-toot-toot.)
We are the boys from the Boy Scout troop.
We don't smoke and we don't chew,
And we don't go with the girls that do.

Whooie! (HOOTIN' & HOLLERIN' & FADE)

See the original BATTLE OF NEW ORLEANS posted in another thread. –JoeClone, 13-May-2008.

Subject: Lyr Add: TWO-TONE SHOES (Homer & Jethro)
From: Earl
Date: 23 Sep 97 - 03:12 PM

This was on a rockabilly compilation.

TWO-TONE SHOES - Homer & Jethro

One part's white. The other is tan.
I bought 'em down at Thom McAn.
Now don't you step on my two-tone shoes.
I'll give you a bruise if you step on my shoes.

I went a dance at the Cimarron.
I danced all night with my new shoes on.
I durn near danced myself to death.
The tongues in my shoes was a-pantin' for breath.
Now don't you step on my two-tone shoes.
Please don't abuse my purty two-tone shoes.

I danced on the bottoms. You danced on the top.
Honey, this stuff has got to stop.
Now don't you step on my two-tone shoes.
You've ruined them now, you great big clumsy cow.

Now honey you look so nice and neat.
Where did you get them great big feet?
When we're dancin' all alone,
Leave them combat boots at home.
Now don't you step on my two-tone shoes.
Can't you see your feet are killin' me?

Now tell me, Alice, was it malice
When you stepped upon my callus?
My two-tones, I wore 'em plumb full of holes.
The tops are shot. Have mercy on my soles.

There is an old thread about the original BLUE SUEDE SHOES but it doesn’t contain lyrics, and it degenerated into a long discussion of “Is this folk music?/What is folk music?/Should we be a folk-music-only site?”. –JoeClone, 13-May-2008.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GaryD
Date: 24 Sep 97 - 08:39 PM

Great..Glad you found it..the Lake was "Lake Ah Meega Mite" in the Camp Song..suppose some Indian language sounding lyrics. By the way haven't heard anything about H & J for years..they still exist?..or have they gone to "Hillbilly Heaven"?

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Earl
Date: 24 Sep 97 - 08:53 PM

I'm sure someone can fill in the details but Homer went first and Jethro lived at least into the eighties. In his later years Jethro Burns was recognized as an inovative country mandolin player.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From:
Date: 24 Sep 97 - 10:23 PM

I remember a passage from that song something like "I touch your lips and all at once the (something's) cruising); I can't resist the kind of (tobacco--baccer) that you're using."

They also did a parody "How much is that hound dog in the window."

Ahh, they don't make them like that anymore....

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Gene
Date: 25 Sep 97 - 12:51 AM

Homer & Jethro were THE BEST...IMHO!....but a couple of relatively new guys/by comparison...Pinkard & Bowden (sp) ain't too shabby!

The line you heard from KISS OF FIRE was probably by some other artist...ie...Flatt & Scruggs..as mentioned earlier....

Subject: Lyr Add: HOW MUCH IS THAT HOUND DOG IN THE WINDOW?
From: Gene
Date: 25 Sep 97 - 12:55 AM

Love 'Em! Shrimply Love 'Em!


HOW MUCH IS THAT HOUND DOG IN THE WINDOW
Recorded by Homer & Jethro
Original words and music by Bob Merrill

—I b'lieve we oughta sing, Homer!
—Now?
—Now!

How much is that hound dog in the winder?
I do hope that fleabag's for sale.
How much is that hound dog in the winder?
The one with the long, mangy tail.

I'll give you two bits for that hound dog,
The one with the sad, achin' heart.
Fer he looks so much like my girlfriend,
I can't hardly tell 'em apart.

—Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh!
—What kind of a dog is that?
—That is a hot-dog, Homer!
—Boy, you sure mustard that up, didn't you?

I must take a trip to Lou'sianer,
Leave her and that hound dog alone.
While I'm eatin' shrimp and jambaliar,
They'll be home a-gnawin' a bone.

I don't want a monkey or a baboon.
I don't want an old muley cow.
I don't want a crappie or a catfish.
A catfish could never meow.

How much is that hound dog in the winder,
With the basketball nose on its face?
You know what a basketball nose is?
It dribbles all over the place.

See the original THAT DOGGIE IN THE WINDOW posted in another thread. –JoeClone, 13-May-2008.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Ferrara
Date: 25 Sep 97 - 07:47 AM

Thanks, everyone who has added to this! It's great, and it's really good to get some of these lyrics. By the way, my memory of the last verse of "Hound Dog in the Window" is a little different. I remember it like this (but I'm notorious for grinding up songs in the folk processor, so use your own judgment....):

How much is that hound dog in the window,
The one with the basketball nose on his face?
They call it a basketball nose 'cause
It dribbles all over the place.

There was a simpleminded and very popular song called "Winchester Cathedral," a repetitive instrumental with a do-wop chorus going "Winchester Cathedral na na na na na na" at random intervals. It may have had more lyrics, but if so they made no impression on me. H&J put out a parody which contained this couplet: "Winchester Cathedral, You're doing us dirt; They finally wrote one That we couldn't hurt!"

Subject: Lyr Add: WINCHESTER CATHEDRAL
From: Gene
Date: 27 Sep 97 - 12:28 PM

A da dee doo dee and some o do dee o do's,, but no na na na na

WINCHESTER CATHEDRAL - Recorded by Homer and Jethro
Words and music by Geoff Stephens (Special lyrics by Homer & Jethro)

Winchester Cathedral - You're drivin' me mad
I don't know who sings it - But it's mighty sad
I'll really be glad when - This song disappears
It set music back now - At least fifty years.

Now everyone knows - Just how much we needed a hit
And now that it's done all I say - I hope that the world is ready for it
Winchester Cathedral - You're doin' me dirt
They finally wrote one - That we couldn't hurt.

From old London town came this song - There ain't any doubt
This English import - believe me
I know that we'll go on livin' without - da-dee-doo-dee
Winchester Cathedral - By now you have died
...Tho' we didn't kill you - We certainly tried.

O-do-dee-o-do, O-do-dee-o-do, O-do-dee-o-do, dee-o-do.

Subject: Lyr Add: MAMA, DON'T WHIP LITTLE BUFORD (Homer...)
From:
Date: 27 Sep 97 - 04:47 PM

I was out looking for some novelty tunes for my bluegrass band. Great thread! Anyone ever heard a tune called Granny's in the Cellar (oh, Lordy, cain't you smell her)? I dunno if its a H&J thing, but its right up their alley.

To add to the H&J lyrics, here's one of my favorites from their Fractured Folksongs album (RCA Victor 1964):

MAMA, DON'T WHIP LITTLE BUFORD
(Burns-Haynes)

Mama, don't whup little Buford.
Mama, don't pound on his head.
Mama, don't whup little Buford.
I think you should shoot him instead.

Buford brought home his report card.
Buford was proud as could be.
At last, he had passed through the third grade
And Buford is just twenty-three.

Mama, don't whup little Buford.
Mama, you'll just be a wreck,
For Buford is studying judo
And he'll break your scrawny old neck.

When Buford was five, he was smokin',
And drinkin' hard liquor at six.
At seven, he learned about women.
At eight, Buford got his first fix.

Mama, don't whup little Buford.
You'll never know how Buford feels.
Buford is good to you, mama.
He brings you whatever he steals.

Now Buford is gone. What a pity!
At last, we found happiness.
We bought a new home in the city,
And we won't give him our address.

So Mama, don't whup little Buford.
Mama, don't knock out his breath.
Just teach him to be a folksinger.
Then Buford will soon starve to death.

Notes: The tune is Beautiful, Beautiful Brown Eyes. "Whup" is pronounced with exactly the same vowel as "book" or "foot". --JoeClone.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Bill D
Date: 27 Sep 97 - 07:45 PM

welll..it's not H&J but....

Granny's in the cellar...lordy can't you smell her
Bakin' biscuits on her durned ol' dirty stove.
In her eye there is some matter that keeps drippin' in the batter,
And she whistles while the *snnnfff* runs down her nose.

(this was printed in "Songs for Pickin' and Singin" a 50 cent paperback from 1962...edited by James Leisy...it is now in 27 pieces but I wouldn't trade it....also who still has "Songs for Swingin' House Mothers"? lots of similar stuff there!)

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Randy
Date: 28 Sep 97 - 08:41 AM

I wouldn't want to trade you out of it, but I would like to get the full lyrics to Granny's in the Cellar (or is that all there is?)

[e-mail]

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Dan
Date: 28 Sep 97 - 10:27 AM

Anybody have the lyrics to H&J's parody of Johnny Horton's ""The Bismark", and "Tennisee Waltz"? They're always good for a laugh aroung the campfire, but I can only remember bits and pieces. Maddening.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Bill D
Date: 28 Sep 97 - 11:05 AM

thats all there was except the 'chorus'...which is just the call & response repetition of the last part...

'down her nose'...(down her nose)
'down her nose'...(down her nose)
"and she whistles while the...etc......."hit the bottom"
"in her eye......etc...

they took a whole page of the book for this!!

oh, yes...they called her 'Grammaw'

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: RandyC
Date: 28 Sep 97 - 11:28 AM

Thanx Bill!

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jon W.
Date: 29 Sep 97 - 11:49 AM

My wife sings a slight variant on "granny's in the cellar"

Granny's in the cellar. Gee, can't you smell 'er?
She’s cookin' flapjacks on a dirty stove.
In her eye, there's a matter that keeps drippin' in the batter
And the "snnff" keeps runnin' down her nose.

Down her nose, down her nose,
The "snnff" keeps runnin' down her nose.
In her eye, there's a matter that keeps drippin' in the batter
And the "snnff" keeps runnin' down her nose.

(At each "snnff”, wipe nose with back of hand)

Subject: Lyr Add: WE DIDN'T SINK THE BISMARCK (Homer&Jethro
From: Gene
Date: 29 Sep 97 - 01:58 PM

OK! Dan! See if this will refresh your memory!

WE DIDN'T SINK THE BISMARCK
Recorded by Homer & Jethro
Original words and music by Johnny Horton & Tillman Franks

Way back in nineteen-forty-two or maybe forty-three,
I sailed with captain tuna, the chicken of the sea.
We didn't sink the Bismarck, no matter what they say,
For when we seen the German ships, we sailed the other way.

We seen torpedoes comin' and we saw a periscope.
We were full of fightin' spirit and our souls were full o' hope.
The captain yelled, "Now hear this!" He really flipped his lid.
We haven't yet begun to fight. What's more we never did.

CHORUS: Oh, we didn't sink the Bismarck and we didn't fight at all.
We spent our time in Norfolk and we really had a ball,
Chasin' after women while our ship was overhauled,
A-livin' it up on grapefruit juice and sickbay alcohol.

Then they made me a frogman on the demolition team.
I sunk a battleship, a cruiser, and a submarine.
I blew up ammunition dumps. I did my best to please.
I did it all before the Navy sent me overseas.

Tony, our Italian cook, was a-settin' on the deck,
And we were peelin' 'taters. We musta peeled a peck.
The captain yelled, "Hey, Tony! Is that a U-boat I see?"
Tony says, "It's-a not-a my boat. It's-a no belong to me!" CHORUS

And now the war is over an' our story can be told,
About our captain's fightin' and the young ones and the old.
We stayed in San Francisco, away from the battle scenes.
We spent our time on Treasure Island a-fightin' the Marines. CHORUS

See the original SINK THE BISMARCK posted in another thread. –JoeClone, 13-May-2008.

Subject: Lyr Req: TENNESSEE WALTZ (Homer & Jethro)
From: Gene
Date: 29 Sep 97 - 02:00 PM

TENNESSEE WALTZ
Recorded by Homer & Jethro
Original words and Music by Pee Wee King & Redd Stewart

I was dancin' - with my darlin'
To the Tennessee Waltz
At the annual Fireman's Ball
All the people - they was starin'
Because my girl wuz wearin'
A newspaper dress - that was all.

Oh! she had comic strips
From her knees to her hips
Where her want ads were - I can't recall
Then her dress - it caught on fire
And it burned her entire
Front Page, Sports Section and all.

See the original TENNESSEE WALTZ in the Digital Tradition database. –JoeClone, 13-May-2008.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Dale Rose
Date: 29 Sep 97 - 02:57 PM

One of our local musicians does Mama Don't Whip Little Buford frequently, but not at the Ozark Folk Center, because it is too new.

Speaking of Jethro Burns' later career as a highly respected mandolin player, somewhere I have a tape of Steve Goodman on Austin City Limits. Jethro comes out to do a song or two with Steve, and the admiration and affection he has for Jethro fairly lights up the screen~~one of my great moments in TV music.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: JMike
Date: 29 Sep 97 - 05:05 PM

Does anybody have/remember the words to the "Billboard Song"? It was about a windstorm which hit a signpainter's yard and created signs like "Simonize your baby with Hershey chocolate bars". If I remember the last verse was "If you want to make this world a better place to stay, just buy a copy of this song and throw it far away."

The other one I remember from about 1969 (when they used to introduce themselves as the "Smothers Brothers of the Stone Age" )was a parody of The lovin' Spoonful's "Nashville Cats" with a chorus of:

Nashville Cats - drive custom Continentals
Nashville Cats - got boats and airplanes too
Nashville Cats - play diamond studded guitars
Nashville Cats - they all got payments due.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE BILLBOARD SONG (Homer and Jethro)
From: Gene
Date: 29 Sep 97 - 11:29 PM

THE BILLBOARD SONG
Recorded by Homer and Jethro
Written by Cy Coben and Charles Grean

As I was walking down the street, a billboard caught my eye.
The advertisements written there would make you laugh and cry.
The signs were torn and scattered from the storm the night before,
And as I read the things they said, why, this is what I saw:

"Smoke Coca-Cola cigarettes. Drink Wrigley's spearmint beer.
Ken-L-Ration dog food keeps your wife's complexion clear.
Chew chocolate-covered mothballs. They always satisfy.
Brush your teeth with Lifebuoy Soap and watch the suds go by."

When I recovered from the shock, I went upon my way.
I'd gone no further than a block when there, to my dismay,
Another billboard caught my eye, and like the one before,
The wind and rain had done its work 'cause this is what I saw:

"Oh, take your next vacation in a brand-new Frigidaire.
Learn to play piano in your winter underwear.
And Simonize your baby with a Hershey candy bar.
Texaco's a beauty cream that's used by all the stars.

"Doctors proved that babies shouldn't smoke till they are three.
People over thirty-five, take baths in Lipton's Tea.
You can make this country a better place today.
Just buy a record of this song and throw it fur away."

T-I-D-E, Tide!

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Earl
Date: 30 Sep 97 - 12:13 AM

That song reminds me of one with a similar theme I heard in elementary school. The only line I remember is:

"See Lillian Russel wrestle with a box of oysterettes"

Does that ring a bell?

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 30 Sep 97 - 12:53 PM

The Billboard Song theme is at least a century old: the Digital Tradition database contains at least 2 earlier variants. Search for Billboard

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jim Ballard
Date: 01 Oct 97 - 12:27 PM

There was another H&J tune, subsequently covered and added to by a great group called the Red Clay Ramblers. The song was about the unrequited love of a love-sick pyramid building slave for the Pharoah's daughter. I think it's called "I Crept into the Crypt and Cried" - some words include "He crept into the creepy crypt and cried. Yes he slipped into the sepulchre and sighed" and so on. I think I heard the H&J version many years ago, but only the Ramblers' version recently.

Anybody have the words to H&J's original?

Subject: Lyr Add: I CREPT INTO THE CRYPT (Red Clay Ramblers
From: Jon W.
Date: 01 Oct 97 - 04:00 PM

I don't have the H&J words but here's the Red Clay Ramblers' - where the girl is not the Pharoah's daughter (unless he's one who believes vice is nice but incest is best:o).

I went away to Egypt, to work there for a while,
And fell in love with Tara, the flower of the Nile.
I had to make some money, so she and I could wed.
That's when I got a job there working on the pyramid.

The Pharoah of all Egypt, a crummy little creep,
Would come out almost every day inspecting in his Jeep.
He had a big fat stomach, and a little pointed head,
And everyone that saw him thought he was already dead.

And then one day it happened, the Pharoah of Egypt
Came out to see how we were doing on that creepy crypt.
He took one look at Tara, and him she did beguile;
The next thing that I knew they were both sailing down the Nile.

And so I crept, I crept into the Pharoah's crypt and cried,
All alone there in that creepy crypt I cried, cried.
I watched him sail away from me, my Tara by his side,
That's when I crept into the crypt and cried.

The rest of my sad story, is hard for me to tell;
They had a royal wedding, they rang the wedding bell.
I watched until she promised to be his faithful bride,
Then I crept into that Pharoah's crypt and cried.

Oh yes I crept, I crept into the Pharoah's crypt and cried,
All alone there in that creepy crypt I cried, cried.
I lost my little flower and my tears I could not hide,
That's when I crept into the crypt and cried.
Oh yes I slipped into the sepulchre and sighed.
That's when I crept into the Pharoah's crypt and cried.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GaryD
Date: 01 Oct 97 - 06:42 PM

Wow, I heard that not to long ago..wish I could remember the melody..that was a great tune..Speaking of tunes, anyone know how I can get this mac to read the sound files? I am a relative novice at this thing, but I know it can be done, because I have sometimes (rarely) gotten some sound out of it when I clicked on some addresses, but it is broken up.

Subject: Lyr Add: GRANNY'S IN THE CELLAR
From: Speed
Date: 07 Oct 97 - 02:43 AM

Hey, guys, if you want the complete lyrics to "Granny's in the Cellar,” you need only ask a Girl Scout!

Granny's in the cellar,
Lordy, can't you smell 'er
Cookin' biscuits on that darn ole greasy stove?
In her eye there is some matter,
That keeps fallin' in the batter,
And she whistles while the (wipe your nose on your sleeve and SNARF LOUDLY) runs down her nose!

CHORUS:
Down her nose, down her nose,
And she whistles while the WIPE/SNARF runs down her nose!

Oh, Granny's in the cellar,
Lordy can't you smell 'er
Steamin' crabs on that darn ole greasy stove?
On her elbow are some scabs
That keep fallin' in the crabs,
And she whistles while the WIPE/SNARF runs down her nose!

Chorus

Oh, Granny's in the cellar,
Lordy can't you smell 'er,
Cookin’ rice on that darn ole greasy stove. .
On her head there is some lice,
That keep jumpin' in the rice,
And she whistles while the WIPE/SNARF runs down her nose!

Chorus

Oh, Granny's in the cellar,
Lordy can't you smell 'er
Cookin’ cobbler on that darn ole greasy stove?
Well, her glass eye is a wobbler
That keeps fallin' in the cobbler,
And she whistles while the WIPE/SNARF runs down her nose.

Chorus

Oh, Granny's in the laundry,
And she's in a quand'ry,
'Cause she put some starch in with her underwear.
And it's gonna be disaster,
When it dries as hard as plaster,
But she's tough as nails and she just doesn't care!

Underwear, underwear.
She put some starch in with her underwear.
And it's gonna be disaster,
When it dries as hard as plaster,
But she's tough as nails and she just doesn't care

(The parents of my Troop have asked us NOT to sing this one!)

Speed

HTML line breaks added. --JoeClone, 4-Feb-02.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jeep man
Date: 04 Feb 02 - 04:07 PM

This is a really good thread. Does anyone remember a H&J song, "She bruised her somewhat and hurt her otherwise, and I'm glad it didn't hurt her elsewhere" Jeep

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: kendall
Date: 04 Feb 02 - 07:33 PM

The record lady has a bunch of this old stuff www.recordlady.webgcs.com/main.htm

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: RangerSteve
Date: 04 Feb 02 - 07:56 PM

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 04 Feb 02 - 08:25 PM

I loved their version of Hank Williams' Kaliga. Does anyone have the lyrics to that one?

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Ebbie
Date: 04 Feb 02 - 09:06 PM

Jeep man, that comes from 'Changing Partners'. I was just sitting here trying to remember it. Some phrases I remember:

We were waltzing together to the music so divine
She was stepping all over these feet that are all mine

Then she slipped and she fell down, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah
And it bruised her somewhat and it hurt her otherwise.

Subject: Lyr Add: POOR OL' KOO-LIGER (Homer & Jethro)
From: kendall
Date: 04 Feb 02 - 10:04 PM

Steve L. I'll try to remember that, but, it's been a long, long time.

POOR OL' KOO-LIGER (Homer & Jethro)

Kawliga was a wooden Indian, didn't know what to do,
He fell in love with a Indian maid and she was wooden too
Kawliga-a-a-a-a too stubborn to ever show a sign
Because his heart was made of knotty pine,

Poor old Kawliga, he never got a kiss
Poor old Kawliga he don’t know what he's missed
Is it any wonder that his face is red
Kawliga had termites in his head.

Kawliga never milked the cows, he didn't have the pull
He'd put the bucket under them and pump the bucket full
Kawliga-a-a-a-a when the cows would hear him they would wail
Here comes old icy fingers with his pail.

Poor old Kawliga he finally got a wife
She made him shave his whiskers off with his hunting knife
Poor old Kawliga, he ain't around today
He shaved too close and whittled his self away.

There is something about, he sprayed his throat to help his voice each day, but all it did was keep the flies away... That's all I can remember, it's been 50 years, and I never did learn it.

See the original KAW-LIGA posted in another thread. –JoeClone, 13-May-2008.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jeep man
Date: 04 Feb 02 - 10:06 PM

Looks good, Ebbie.Maybe someone has more. Jeep

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Billy
Date: 04 Feb 02 - 10:31 PM

The Granny songs I heard follow the "Granny's in the cellar ...out her nose" but goes into the "Gimme that home cookin', that home cookin'! And she whisles while the (snort!) runs down her nose. Another good and brief song to the tune of "My Bonnie" is "My Granny went down to the cellar, to see where the gas-leak could be. She lit up a match to see better. Oh, bring back my Grannie to me. Bring back, Bring back, Oh, bring back my granny to me, to me,... etc"

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Ebbie
Date: 04 Feb 02 - 11:03 PM

Many country love songs were sad "drown your tears in wine" laments. "Laugh about her and drink corn liquor" seemed to be Homer and Jethro's satirical viewpoint. The girls in their songs were always beasts. In their best parodies sweethearts were just sweathogs. "Let Me Go, Lover" becomes "Let Me Go, Blubber": "You're too fat in the first place, you know it's true. You're too fat in the second place, too." Hank Williams' "Cold Cold Heart" curdles with cheesy venom: "When tears come down like fallin' rain, they'll splatter on your varicose veins. But sleep won't come, you'll toss and roll-- till your eyes look like two gopher holes." "The Girl from Ipanema" isn't worth looking at either: "When she walks and you see her from the back it looks like two pigs fightin' in a tater sack, and when she passes, each guy she passes goes "Blaaah!"

I found this on a Google search.

Ebbie

Subject: Lyr Add: THE BATTLE OF KOOKAMONGA (Homer & Jethro)
From:
Date: 04 Feb 02 - 11:36 PM

Gene, if you're still around....

THE BATTLE OF KOOKAMONGA
(Homer and Jethro)

In nineteen and fifty-nine we took a little hike
With our Scoutmaster down to Lake Aneekanike
We took a little pizza and we took some sauerkraut
And we marched along together till we heard the Girl Scouts

Oh, we're the boys from Camp Kookamonga
Our mothers sent us here for to study Nature's ways
We learn to make sparks by rubbing sticks together
But if we catch the girls then we'll set the woods ablaze
(And I was made 'cause me mother sent me up here - ha ha ha)

Well, we crept up to the water and we seed the girls a-swimmin'
There must have been a hunnerd of them pretty young women
They looked so fine even birds forgot to sing
We laid down in the poison oak and didn't say a thing

Oh, we're the boys from Camp Kookamonga
Our mothers sent us here for to study Nature's ways
We learn to make sparks by rubbing sticks together
But if we catch the girls then we'll set the woods ablaze
(Hey, will one of you fellers scratch my back?)

Well, our counselor said we could take 'em by surprise
If we didn't say a word till we looked 'em in the eyes
We kept real still, and we had our eyes a-glued
We saw how they were dressed - they were swimming in the...

Well, now, we're the boys from Camp Kookamonga
Our mothers sent us here for to study Nature's ways
We learn to make sparks by rubbing sticks together
But if we catch the girls then we'll set the woods ablaze

Well, they ran through the briars and they ran through the brambles
And they ran through the bushes where a rabbit couldn't go
They ran so fast even we couldn't catch 'em
From Lake Aneekanike all the way to Buffalo
(Hey, fellers, wait for me!)

Well, we ran right after them till everyone was pooped
So we rested for a minute and our forces we regrouped
Then we saw the girls behind some evergreens
Captured by a company of United States Marines

Oh, we're the boys from Camp Kookamonga
Our mothers sent us here for to study Nature's ways
We learn to make sparks by rubbing sticks together
But if we catch the girls then we'll set the woods ablaze
(Ah, them big guys get everything!)

Well, they ran through the briars and they ran through the brambles
And they ran through the bushes where a rabbit couldn't go
They ran so fast even we couldn't catch 'em
From Lake Aneekanike all the way to Buffalo

(A rooty toot toot, a rooty toot toot
Oh, we are the boys from the Boy Scout troop
We don't smoke, and we don't chew
And we don't go with the girls that do!)

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 05 Feb 02 - 12:07 AM

Last year I started a thread called Spike Jones/Homer & Jethro Songs and posted "Pal-Yat-Chee" there. (It's a parody of the opera "I Pagliacci") I was a bit disappointed that no one else posted any lyrics in it. I wish I had known about this thread!

These songs are in DT:
Daddy Played First Base (a parody of "Daddy Sang Bass")
How Much Is That Hound Dog in the Window? (parody of "How Much Is That Doggie in the Window?")
Li'l Ole Kiss Of Fire (The DT says it's a parody, but I don't know what of.)
I'm Movin' On No. 2 (parody of Hank Snow's hit)
So Long (It's Been Good to Know Yuh!) (a parody of Woody Guthrie's song)
The Battle Of Camp Kookamonga (parody of "The Battle of New Orleans")
The Billboard Song (3)
Winchester Cathedral (Parody)

The following songs are posted in threads:
Don't Jump Off the Roof, Dad
Flower of the Wildwood (parody of "Wildwood Flower.")
I Won't Go Hunting with You Jake
Mama Don't Whip Little Buford
Pore Ol' Koo-Liger (parody of "Kaw-liga")
Sink The Bismarck-No. 2 - parody of Johnny Horton's song.
Tennessee Waltz.

There may be more, but that's all the searching I have time for right now.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: JedMarum
Date: 05 Feb 02 - 12:22 AM

Iloved their TV a for Kellogs Corn Flakes. I sing a medley of GET ALONG HOME CINDY with the CRAWDAD SONG - but I always take the time to remember H&J's commercial for Kellogs;

You get a bowl and I'll get spoon, honey ...

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Kaleea
Date: 05 Feb 02 - 12:35 AM

Elvis once said he had finally arrived when Homer & Jethro did a parody of his song: Heartbreak Motel. Homer & Jethro were ahead of their time (as was Spike) in that they could say suggestive things in song that the censors of the 50's-60's wouldn't allow the "kids" to listen to. My absolute fav albumn was "Homer & Jethro Live at the Country Club"--oh how I'd love to hear that one again. It had a couple of the above on it. Being a teen in the late 60's 8 appreciated a song "Since Yew've Gone" with a part about the dress made of newspaper--something about "she burned her front page, sports section & all, now she's gone." And then there's "Don't let the stars get in yer eyes if yew've got water on the brain" & the ever popular one they began by saying it was called "He didn't like her apartment so she knocked him flat."

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Hrothgar
Date: 05 Feb 02 - 07:23 AM

Does anybody know the parody they did of "Please Help Me, I'm Falling" which went something like:

Please help me, I'm crawling
She's done it again
Slammed the door on my fingers
When I tried to get in.

Hope those line breaks are right.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: kendall
Date: 05 Feb 02 - 08:08 AM

Kaleea, just how bad would you like to hear that album again?

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 05 Feb 02 - 08:08 AM

I have a couple of Homer & Jethro Albums that I got from my Dad when he moved back to Ireland. I remember sitting with him listening to them as a child and laughing out loud. I'll have to dig them out again, I always thought they were really funny.