Lyr Add: parodies sung by Homer and Jethro

Subject: Homer and Jethro
From: Ferrara
Date: 20 Sep 97 - 10:49 PM

I'd like to start collecting the words to some of Homer and Jethro's parodies. It's maddening to remember a line or two and then come up short. Does anyone remember any part of "Your Little Ol' Kiss of Fire"? It starts with, "I touch your lips and all at once my teeth perspire"

The chorus is: You got a pucker like a possum suckin' 'simmons
The way you kiss, you must have practiced on some lemons
And when I touch your lips it sets my mouth on fire
Dadburn that cig-gar and your Little Ol' Kiss of Fire."

Subject: Lyr Add: LI'L OLE KISS OF FIRE (Homer & Jethro)
From: Gene
Date: 21 Sep 97 - 03:25 AM

Well, Ferrara - here's the way it sounds to me! ENJOY!

LI'L OLE KISS OF FIRE - Recorded by Homer & Jethro
Words and music by Lester Allen & Robert Hill

I tetch yore lips. That's when the trouble starts a-brewin'.
I can't resist the brand of 'baccer you are chewin'.
And though my heart goes boom, just like a blown out tire,
I'm jist plumb crazy for yore Li'l Ole Kiss of Fire.

Jist like a calf you've got me roped and tied and branded.
You'd make a fortune with your kissin' if you canned it.
And though I know you're true to Lem and Zeke and Willie,
I'm still plumb silly for yore Li'l Ole Kiss of Fire.

The flames are flyin'. I'm on the pan a-fryin'.
What good is there denyin', a-sighin' and a cryin'?
The flame is spurtin'. My darlin', I'm a-hurtin'.
If I must burn, then darlin', bake me like a bun
'Til I'm well done, 'til I'm well don-one, ooh-ooh-oh Lord.

Give me yore lips and watch me sizzle like a cinder.
Jist one more kiss and I'll go flyin' out the winder.
You got me on the griddle and I'll always be there.
Yes, what put me there? Yore Li'l Ole Kiss of Fire.

You got a pucker like a possum eatin' 'simmons.
The way you kiss, you must have practiced on some lemons.
And when you kiss me, you set my mouth on fire.
Dadburn that cigar and yore Li'l Ole Kiss of Fire!

See the original KISS OF FIRE posted in another thread. –JoeClone, 13-May-2008.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From:
Date: 22 Sep 97 - 07:49 PM

Are these the fellows who did "I'm My Own Grampa"?

Subject: Lyr Add: I'M MOVIN' ON #2 (Homer and Jethro)
From: Bob Landry
Date: 22 Sep 97 - 09:45 PM

I, too, am trying to expand my meager collection of H&J classics. Here's one that I found in Cowpie, submitted to them by the famous Gene Graham.

I'M MOVIN' ON #2
As recorded by Homer & Jethro
(To the tune of MOVIN' ON written by Hank Snow)

The [D] old hound-dog was a-feelin' fine
Till he [D7] fell in a barrel of turpentine.
He's a-[G] movin' on. He's a-movin' [D] on.
He [A] passed the gate like an eighty-eight. He's a-movin' [D] on.

There was a smart guy from the city
And he picked up a stri-ped kitty.
He's a-movin' on. He's a-movin' on.
We held our nose as we buried his clothes. We're a-movin' on.

I let a man work on my car
Then he grabbed hold of a spark-plug wire.
He's a-movin' on. He's a-movin' on.
He turned it loose when he felt the juice. He's a-movin' on.

The old tomcat was a-feelin' mean
When he caught his tail in the sewin' machine.
He's a-movin' on. He's a-movin' on.
He ripped a stitch when he hit the ditch. He's a-movin' on.

The old man's face got white as a sheet
When he slipped and fell in his Cream o' Wheat.
He's a-movin' on. He's a-movin' on.
He flapped his ears as he shifted his gears. He's a-movin' on.

Uncle John got awful clean
When he fell into the washin' machine.
He's a-movin' on. He's a-movin' on.
He couldn't straddle that doggone paddle. He's a-movin' on.

We travel a lot to make our showin'.
The way we sing, we have to keep goin'.
We're a-movin' on. We're a-movin' on.
We've gotta go. Here comes Hank Snow. We're a-movin' on.

See the original I'M MOVIN' ON posted in another thread. –JoeClone, 13-May-2008.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GaryD
Date: 22 Sep 97 - 11:29 PM

To answer Tim, don't think so..I'm My Own Grandpa was made famous on the Grand Ole Opry by Jim & Jessie, I believe.. As for H&J, I remember one from my youth. to the tune of Battle of New Orleans. Can't remember it all, but it was supposed to be a boy scout song, Title I think was Camp Kookamonga

We are the boys from Camp Kookamonga,
mother sent us here to study nature's ways.
We learned to make sparks by rubbing sticks together,
but if we catch the girls, we'll set the woods ablaze!...Chorus

Racking my brain, can't remember any of the verses, only the ending.."We don't smoke, and we don't Chew...and We don't go with the girls that do!..

Think I'll search under Kookamonga..who knows?

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GaryD
Date: 22 Sep 97 - 11:56 PM

Went away for a while..thought I saw something recently about H&J...found it..Great picture of H&J in a Kelloggs Advertisement..as well as some great stuff about them and Mandolins..try the Mandolin Cafe http://www.mandolincafe.com/kellogs.html Good night....Gary

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Gene
Date: 22 Sep 97 - 11:58 PM

Hi! Actually, it was Lonzo & Oscar that mostly made "I'm My Own Grandpa'' famous...in fact, they were made members of the Grand Ole Opry on account of it...tho' many others have recorded it...

Subject: Lyr Add: THE BATTLE OF CAMP KOOKAMONGA
From: Gene
Date: 23 Sep 97 - 02:13 PM

Maybe someone from New York can correct the phonetically spelled "Aneekanike."

Can't find anything on the map that resembles what it sounds like.


THE BATTLE OF CAMP KOOKAMONGA
Recorded by Homer & Jethro
Words and music by Jimmy Driftwood & J. J. Reynolds

In nineteen and fifty-nine, we took a little hike
With our scoutmaster down to Lake Aneekanike(?).
We took a little pizza and we took some sauerkrauts,
And we marched along together till we heard the Girl Scouts.

1ST CHORUS: We're the boys from Camp Kookamonga.
Our mothers sent us here for to study nature's ways.
We learned to make sparks by rubbin' sticks together,
But if we catch the girls, then we'll set the woods ablaze.

SPOKEN: And I was mad 'cause me mother sent me up here! Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah!

Well, we crept up to the water and we see'd the girls a-swimmin'.
There musta been a hunderd of 'em, purty young women.
They looked so fine, even birds forgot to sing.
We laid down in the poison oak and didn't say a thing. CHORUS

SPOKEN: Hey, will one of you fellers scratch my back?

Well, our counselor said we could take 'em by surprise
If we didn't say a word till we looked 'em in the eyes.
We kept real still and we had our eyes a-glued.
We saw how they were dressed. They were swimmin' in the—well, now... CHORUS

2ND CHORUS: Well they ran through the briars and they ran through the brambles
And they ran through the bushes where a rabbit couldn't go.
They ran so fast even we couldn't catch 'em,
From Lake Aneekanike(?) all the way to Buffalo.

SPOKEN: Hey, fellers, wait for me!

Well, we ran right after them till ev'ryone was pooped,
So we rested for a minute and our forces we regrouped.
Then we saw the girls behind some evergreens
Captured by a company of United States Marines. CHORUS

SPOKEN: Aw, them big guys get ever'thing! 2ND CHORUS

A rootie-toot-toot. (A rootie-toot-toot.)
We are the boys from the Boy Scout troop.
We don't smoke and we don't chew,
And we don't go with the girls that do.

Whooie! (HOOTIN' & HOLLERIN' & FADE)

See the original BATTLE OF NEW ORLEANS posted in another thread. –JoeClone, 13-May-2008.

Subject: Lyr Add: TWO-TONE SHOES (Homer & Jethro)
From: Earl
Date: 23 Sep 97 - 03:12 PM

This was on a rockabilly compilation.

TWO-TONE SHOES - Homer & Jethro

One part's white. The other is tan.
I bought 'em down at Thom McAn.
Now don't you step on my two-tone shoes.
I'll give you a bruise if you step on my shoes.

I went a dance at the Cimarron.
I danced all night with my new shoes on.
I durn near danced myself to death.
The tongues in my shoes was a-pantin' for breath.
Now don't you step on my two-tone shoes.
Please don't abuse my purty two-tone shoes.

I danced on the bottoms. You danced on the top.
Honey, this stuff has got to stop.
Now don't you step on my two-tone shoes.
You've ruined them now, you great big clumsy cow.

Now honey you look so nice and neat.
Where did you get them great big feet?
When we're dancin' all alone,
Leave them combat boots at home.
Now don't you step on my two-tone shoes.
Can't you see your feet are killin' me?

Now tell me, Alice, was it malice
When you stepped upon my callus?
My two-tones, I wore 'em plumb full of holes.
The tops are shot. Have mercy on my soles.

There is an old thread about the original BLUE SUEDE SHOES but it doesn’t contain lyrics, and it degenerated into a long discussion of “Is this folk music?/What is folk music?/Should we be a folk-music-only site?”. –JoeClone, 13-May-2008.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GaryD
Date: 24 Sep 97 - 08:39 PM

Great..Glad you found it..the Lake was "Lake Ah Meega Mite" in the Camp Song..suppose some Indian language sounding lyrics. By the way haven't heard anything about H & J for years..they still exist?..or have they gone to "Hillbilly Heaven"?

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Earl
Date: 24 Sep 97 - 08:53 PM

I'm sure someone can fill in the details but Homer went first and Jethro lived at least into the eighties. In his later years Jethro Burns was recognized as an inovative country mandolin player.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From:
Date: 24 Sep 97 - 10:23 PM

I remember a passage from that song something like "I touch your lips and all at once the (something's) cruising); I can't resist the kind of (tobacco--baccer) that you're using."

They also did a parody "How much is that hound dog in the window."

Ahh, they don't make them like that anymore....

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Gene
Date: 25 Sep 97 - 12:51 AM

Homer & Jethro were THE BEST...IMHO!....but a couple of relatively new guys/by comparison...Pinkard & Bowden (sp) ain't too shabby!

The line you heard from KISS OF FIRE was probably by some other artist...ie...Flatt & Scruggs..as mentioned earlier....

Subject: Lyr Add: HOW MUCH IS THAT HOUND DOG IN THE WINDOW?
From: Gene
Date: 25 Sep 97 - 12:55 AM

Love 'Em! Shrimply Love 'Em!


HOW MUCH IS THAT HOUND DOG IN THE WINDOW
Recorded by Homer & Jethro
Original words and music by Bob Merrill

—I b'lieve we oughta sing, Homer!
—Now?
—Now!

How much is that hound dog in the winder?
I do hope that fleabag's for sale.
How much is that hound dog in the winder?
The one with the long, mangy tail.

I'll give you two bits for that hound dog,
The one with the sad, achin' heart.
Fer he looks so much like my girlfriend,
I can't hardly tell 'em apart.

—Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh!
—What kind of a dog is that?
—That is a hot-dog, Homer!
—Boy, you sure mustard that up, didn't you?

I must take a trip to Lou'sianer,
Leave her and that hound dog alone.
While I'm eatin' shrimp and jambaliar,
They'll be home a-gnawin' a bone.

I don't want a monkey or a baboon.
I don't want an old muley cow.
I don't want a crappie or a catfish.
A catfish could never meow.

How much is that hound dog in the winder,
With the basketball nose on its face?
You know what a basketball nose is?
It dribbles all over the place.

See the original THAT DOGGIE IN THE WINDOW posted in another thread. –JoeClone, 13-May-2008.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Ferrara
Date: 25 Sep 97 - 07:47 AM

Thanks, everyone who has added to this! It's great, and it's really good to get some of these lyrics. By the way, my memory of the last verse of "Hound Dog in the Window" is a little different. I remember it like this (but I'm notorious for grinding up songs in the folk processor, so use your own judgment....):

How much is that hound dog in the window,
The one with the basketball nose on his face?
They call it a basketball nose 'cause
It dribbles all over the place.

There was a simpleminded and very popular song called "Winchester Cathedral," a repetitive instrumental with a do-wop chorus going "Winchester Cathedral na na na na na na" at random intervals. It may have had more lyrics, but if so they made no impression on me. H&J put out a parody which contained this couplet: "Winchester Cathedral, You're doing us dirt; They finally wrote one That we couldn't hurt!"

Subject: Lyr Add: WINCHESTER CATHEDRAL
From: Gene
Date: 27 Sep 97 - 12:28 PM

A da dee doo dee and some o do dee o do's,, but no na na na na

WINCHESTER CATHEDRAL - Recorded by Homer and Jethro
Words and music by Geoff Stephens (Special lyrics by Homer & Jethro)

Winchester Cathedral - You're drivin' me mad
I don't know who sings it - But it's mighty sad
I'll really be glad when - This song disappears
It set music back now - At least fifty years.

Now everyone knows - Just how much we needed a hit
And now that it's done all I say - I hope that the world is ready for it
Winchester Cathedral - You're doin' me dirt
They finally wrote one - That we couldn't hurt.

From old London town came this song - There ain't any doubt
This English import - believe me
I know that we'll go on livin' without - da-dee-doo-dee
Winchester Cathedral - By now you have died
...Tho' we didn't kill you - We certainly tried.

O-do-dee-o-do, O-do-dee-o-do, O-do-dee-o-do, dee-o-do.

Subject: Lyr Add: MAMA, DON'T WHIP LITTLE BUFORD (Homer...)
From:
Date: 27 Sep 97 - 04:47 PM

I was out looking for some novelty tunes for my bluegrass band. Great thread! Anyone ever heard a tune called Granny's in the Cellar (oh, Lordy, cain't you smell her)? I dunno if its a H&J thing, but its right up their alley.

To add to the H&J lyrics, here's one of my favorites from their Fractured Folksongs album (RCA Victor 1964):

MAMA, DON'T WHIP LITTLE BUFORD
(Burns-Haynes)

Mama, don't whup little Buford.
Mama, don't pound on his head.
Mama, don't whup little Buford.
I think you should shoot him instead.

Buford brought home his report card.
Buford was proud as could be.
At last, he had passed through the third grade
And Buford is just twenty-three.

Mama, don't whup little Buford.
Mama, you'll just be a wreck,
For Buford is studying judo
And he'll break your scrawny old neck.

When Buford was five, he was smokin',
And drinkin' hard liquor at six.
At seven, he learned about women.
At eight, Buford got his first fix.

Mama, don't whup little Buford.
You'll never know how Buford feels.
Buford is good to you, mama.
He brings you whatever he steals.

Now Buford is gone. What a pity!
At last, we found happiness.
We bought a new home in the city,
And we won't give him our address.

So Mama, don't whup little Buford.
Mama, don't knock out his breath.
Just teach him to be a folksinger.
Then Buford will soon starve to death.

Notes: The tune is Beautiful, Beautiful Brown Eyes. "Whup" is pronounced with exactly the same vowel as "book" or "foot". --JoeClone.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Bill D
Date: 27 Sep 97 - 07:45 PM

welll..it's not H&J but....

Granny's in the cellar...lordy can't you smell her
Bakin' biscuits on her durned ol' dirty stove.
In her eye there is some matter that keeps drippin' in the batter,
And she whistles while the *snnnfff* runs down her nose.

(this was printed in "Songs for Pickin' and Singin" a 50 cent paperback from 1962...edited by James Leisy...it is now in 27 pieces but I wouldn't trade it....also who still has "Songs for Swingin' House Mothers"? lots of similar stuff there!)

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Randy
Date: 28 Sep 97 - 08:41 AM

I wouldn't want to trade you out of it, but I would like to get the full lyrics to Granny's in the Cellar (or is that all there is?)

[e-mail]

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Dan
Date: 28 Sep 97 - 10:27 AM

Anybody have the lyrics to H&J's parody of Johnny Horton's ""The Bismark", and "Tennisee Waltz"? They're always good for a laugh aroung the campfire, but I can only remember bits and pieces. Maddening.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Bill D
Date: 28 Sep 97 - 11:05 AM

thats all there was except the 'chorus'...which is just the call & response repetition of the last part...

'down her nose'...(down her nose)
'down her nose'...(down her nose)
"and she whistles while the...etc......."hit the bottom"
"in her eye......etc...

they took a whole page of the book for this!!

oh, yes...they called her 'Grammaw'

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: RandyC
Date: 28 Sep 97 - 11:28 AM

Thanx Bill!

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jon W.
Date: 29 Sep 97 - 11:49 AM

My wife sings a slight variant on "granny's in the cellar"

Granny's in the cellar. Gee, can't you smell 'er?
She’s cookin' flapjacks on a dirty stove.
In her eye, there's a matter that keeps drippin' in the batter
And the "snnff" keeps runnin' down her nose.

Down her nose, down her nose,
The "snnff" keeps runnin' down her nose.
In her eye, there's a matter that keeps drippin' in the batter
And the "snnff" keeps runnin' down her nose.

(At each "snnff”, wipe nose with back of hand)

Subject: Lyr Add: WE DIDN'T SINK THE BISMARCK (Homer&Jethro
From: Gene
Date: 29 Sep 97 - 01:58 PM

OK! Dan! See if this will refresh your memory!

WE DIDN'T SINK THE BISMARCK
Recorded by Homer & Jethro
Original words and music by Johnny Horton & Tillman Franks

Way back in nineteen-forty-two or maybe forty-three,
I sailed with captain tuna, the chicken of the sea.
We didn't sink the Bismarck, no matter what they say,
For when we seen the German ships, we sailed the other way.

We seen torpedoes comin' and we saw a periscope.
We were full of fightin' spirit and our souls were full o' hope.
The captain yelled, "Now hear this!" He really flipped his lid.
We haven't yet begun to fight. What's more we never did.

CHORUS: Oh, we didn't sink the Bismarck and we didn't fight at all.
We spent our time in Norfolk and we really had a ball,
Chasin' after women while our ship was overhauled,
A-livin' it up on grapefruit juice and sickbay alcohol.

Then they made me a frogman on the demolition team.
I sunk a battleship, a cruiser, and a submarine.
I blew up ammunition dumps. I did my best to please.
I did it all before the Navy sent me overseas.

Tony, our Italian cook, was a-settin' on the deck,
And we were peelin' 'taters. We musta peeled a peck.
The captain yelled, "Hey, Tony! Is that a U-boat I see?"
Tony says, "It's-a not-a my boat. It's-a no belong to me!" CHORUS

And now the war is over an' our story can be told,
About our captain's fightin' and the young ones and the old.
We stayed in San Francisco, away from the battle scenes.
We spent our time on Treasure Island a-fightin' the Marines. CHORUS

See the original SINK THE BISMARCK posted in another thread. –JoeClone, 13-May-2008.

Subject: Lyr Req: TENNESSEE WALTZ (Homer & Jethro)
From: Gene
Date: 29 Sep 97 - 02:00 PM

TENNESSEE WALTZ
Recorded by Homer & Jethro
Original words and Music by Pee Wee King & Redd Stewart

I was dancin' - with my darlin'
To the Tennessee Waltz
At the annual Fireman's Ball
All the people - they was starin'
Because my girl wuz wearin'
A newspaper dress - that was all.

Oh! she had comic strips
From her knees to her hips
Where her want ads were - I can't recall
Then her dress - it caught on fire
And it burned her entire
Front Page, Sports Section and all.

See the original TENNESSEE WALTZ in the Digital Tradition database. –JoeClone, 13-May-2008.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Dale Rose
Date: 29 Sep 97 - 02:57 PM

One of our local musicians does Mama Don't Whip Little Buford frequently, but not at the Ozark Folk Center, because it is too new.

Speaking of Jethro Burns' later career as a highly respected mandolin player, somewhere I have a tape of Steve Goodman on Austin City Limits. Jethro comes out to do a song or two with Steve, and the admiration and affection he has for Jethro fairly lights up the screen~~one of my great moments in TV music.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: JMike
Date: 29 Sep 97 - 05:05 PM

Does anybody have/remember the words to the "Billboard Song"? It was about a windstorm which hit a signpainter's yard and created signs like "Simonize your baby with Hershey chocolate bars". If I remember the last verse was "If you want to make this world a better place to stay, just buy a copy of this song and throw it far away."

The other one I remember from about 1969 (when they used to introduce themselves as the "Smothers Brothers of the Stone Age" )was a parody of The lovin' Spoonful's "Nashville Cats" with a chorus of:

Nashville Cats - drive custom Continentals
Nashville Cats - got boats and airplanes too
Nashville Cats - play diamond studded guitars
Nashville Cats - they all got payments due.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE BILLBOARD SONG (Homer and Jethro)
From: Gene
Date: 29 Sep 97 - 11:29 PM

THE BILLBOARD SONG
Recorded by Homer and Jethro
Written by Cy Coben and Charles Grean

As I was walking down the street, a billboard caught my eye.
The advertisements written there would make you laugh and cry.
The signs were torn and scattered from the storm the night before,
And as I read the things they said, why, this is what I saw:

"Smoke Coca-Cola cigarettes. Drink Wrigley's spearmint beer.
Ken-L-Ration dog food keeps your wife's complexion clear.
Chew chocolate-covered mothballs. They always satisfy.
Brush your teeth with Lifebuoy Soap and watch the suds go by."

When I recovered from the shock, I went upon my way.
I'd gone no further than a block when there, to my dismay,
Another billboard caught my eye, and like the one before,
The wind and rain had done its work 'cause this is what I saw:

"Oh, take your next vacation in a brand-new Frigidaire.
Learn to play piano in your winter underwear.
And Simonize your baby with a Hershey candy bar.
Texaco's a beauty cream that's used by all the stars.

"Doctors proved that babies shouldn't smoke till they are three.
People over thirty-five, take baths in Lipton's Tea.
You can make this country a better place today.
Just buy a record of this song and throw it fur away."

T-I-D-E, Tide!

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Earl
Date: 30 Sep 97 - 12:13 AM

That song reminds me of one with a similar theme I heard in elementary school. The only line I remember is:

"See Lillian Russel wrestle with a box of oysterettes"

Does that ring a bell?

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 30 Sep 97 - 12:53 PM

The Billboard Song theme is at least a century old: the Digital Tradition database contains at least 2 earlier variants. Search for Billboard

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jim Ballard
Date: 01 Oct 97 - 12:27 PM

There was another H&J tune, subsequently covered and added to by a great group called the Red Clay Ramblers. The song was about the unrequited love of a love-sick pyramid building slave for the Pharoah's daughter. I think it's called "I Crept into the Crypt and Cried" - some words include "He crept into the creepy crypt and cried. Yes he slipped into the sepulchre and sighed" and so on. I think I heard the H&J version many years ago, but only the Ramblers' version recently.

Anybody have the words to H&J's original?

Subject: Lyr Add: I CREPT INTO THE CRYPT (Red Clay Ramblers
From: Jon W.
Date: 01 Oct 97 - 04:00 PM

I don't have the H&J words but here's the Red Clay Ramblers' - where the girl is not the Pharoah's daughter (unless he's one who believes vice is nice but incest is best:o).

I went away to Egypt, to work there for a while,
And fell in love with Tara, the flower of the Nile.
I had to make some money, so she and I could wed.
That's when I got a job there working on the pyramid.

The Pharoah of all Egypt, a crummy little creep,
Would come out almost every day inspecting in his Jeep.
He had a big fat stomach, and a little pointed head,
And everyone that saw him thought he was already dead.

And then one day it happened, the Pharoah of Egypt
Came out to see how we were doing on that creepy crypt.
He took one look at Tara, and him she did beguile;
The next thing that I knew they were both sailing down the Nile.

And so I crept, I crept into the Pharoah's crypt and cried,
All alone there in that creepy crypt I cried, cried.
I watched him sail away from me, my Tara by his side,
That's when I crept into the crypt and cried.

The rest of my sad story, is hard for me to tell;
They had a royal wedding, they rang the wedding bell.
I watched until she promised to be his faithful bride,
Then I crept into that Pharoah's crypt and cried.

Oh yes I crept, I crept into the Pharoah's crypt and cried,
All alone there in that creepy crypt I cried, cried.
I lost my little flower and my tears I could not hide,
That's when I crept into the crypt and cried.
Oh yes I slipped into the sepulchre and sighed.
That's when I crept into the Pharoah's crypt and cried.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GaryD
Date: 01 Oct 97 - 06:42 PM

Wow, I heard that not to long ago..wish I could remember the melody..that was a great tune..Speaking of tunes, anyone know how I can get this mac to read the sound files? I am a relative novice at this thing, but I know it can be done, because I have sometimes (rarely) gotten some sound out of it when I clicked on some addresses, but it is broken up.

Subject: Lyr Add: GRANNY'S IN THE CELLAR
From: Speed
Date: 07 Oct 97 - 02:43 AM

Hey, guys, if you want the complete lyrics to "Granny's in the Cellar,” you need only ask a Girl Scout!

Granny's in the cellar,
Lordy, can't you smell 'er
Cookin' biscuits on that darn ole greasy stove?
In her eye there is some matter,
That keeps fallin' in the batter,
And she whistles while the (wipe your nose on your sleeve and SNARF LOUDLY) runs down her nose!

CHORUS:
Down her nose, down her nose,
And she whistles while the WIPE/SNARF runs down her nose!

Oh, Granny's in the cellar,
Lordy can't you smell 'er
Steamin' crabs on that darn ole greasy stove?
On her elbow are some scabs
That keep fallin' in the crabs,
And she whistles while the WIPE/SNARF runs down her nose!

Chorus

Oh, Granny's in the cellar,
Lordy can't you smell 'er,
Cookin’ rice on that darn ole greasy stove. .
On her head there is some lice,
That keep jumpin' in the rice,
And she whistles while the WIPE/SNARF runs down her nose!

Chorus

Oh, Granny's in the cellar,
Lordy can't you smell 'er
Cookin’ cobbler on that darn ole greasy stove?
Well, her glass eye is a wobbler
That keeps fallin' in the cobbler,
And she whistles while the WIPE/SNARF runs down her nose.

Chorus

Oh, Granny's in the laundry,
And she's in a quand'ry,
'Cause she put some starch in with her underwear.
And it's gonna be disaster,
When it dries as hard as plaster,
But she's tough as nails and she just doesn't care!

Underwear, underwear.
She put some starch in with her underwear.
And it's gonna be disaster,
When it dries as hard as plaster,
But she's tough as nails and she just doesn't care

(The parents of my Troop have asked us NOT to sing this one!)

Speed

HTML line breaks added. --JoeClone, 4-Feb-02.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jeep man
Date: 04 Feb 02 - 04:07 PM

This is a really good thread. Does anyone remember a H&J song, "She bruised her somewhat and hurt her otherwise, and I'm glad it didn't hurt her elsewhere" Jeep

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: kendall
Date: 04 Feb 02 - 07:33 PM

The record lady has a bunch of this old stuff www.recordlady.webgcs.com/main.htm

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: RangerSteve
Date: 04 Feb 02 - 07:56 PM

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 04 Feb 02 - 08:25 PM

I loved their version of Hank Williams' Kaliga. Does anyone have the lyrics to that one?

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Ebbie
Date: 04 Feb 02 - 09:06 PM

Jeep man, that comes from 'Changing Partners'. I was just sitting here trying to remember it. Some phrases I remember:

We were waltzing together to the music so divine
She was stepping all over these feet that are all mine

Then she slipped and she fell down, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah
And it bruised her somewhat and it hurt her otherwise.

Subject: Lyr Add: POOR OL' KOO-LIGER (Homer & Jethro)
From: kendall
Date: 04 Feb 02 - 10:04 PM

Steve L. I'll try to remember that, but, it's been a long, long time.

POOR OL' KOO-LIGER (Homer & Jethro)

Kawliga was a wooden Indian, didn't know what to do,
He fell in love with a Indian maid and she was wooden too
Kawliga-a-a-a-a too stubborn to ever show a sign
Because his heart was made of knotty pine,

Poor old Kawliga, he never got a kiss
Poor old Kawliga he don’t know what he's missed
Is it any wonder that his face is red
Kawliga had termites in his head.

Kawliga never milked the cows, he didn't have the pull
He'd put the bucket under them and pump the bucket full
Kawliga-a-a-a-a when the cows would hear him they would wail
Here comes old icy fingers with his pail.

Poor old Kawliga he finally got a wife
She made him shave his whiskers off with his hunting knife
Poor old Kawliga, he ain't around today
He shaved too close and whittled his self away.

There is something about, he sprayed his throat to help his voice each day, but all it did was keep the flies away... That's all I can remember, it's been 50 years, and I never did learn it.

See the original KAW-LIGA posted in another thread. –JoeClone, 13-May-2008.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jeep man
Date: 04 Feb 02 - 10:06 PM

Looks good, Ebbie.Maybe someone has more. Jeep

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Billy
Date: 04 Feb 02 - 10:31 PM

The Granny songs I heard follow the "Granny's in the cellar ...out her nose" but goes into the "Gimme that home cookin', that home cookin'! And she whisles while the (snort!) runs down her nose. Another good and brief song to the tune of "My Bonnie" is "My Granny went down to the cellar, to see where the gas-leak could be. She lit up a match to see better. Oh, bring back my Grannie to me. Bring back, Bring back, Oh, bring back my granny to me, to me,... etc"

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Ebbie
Date: 04 Feb 02 - 11:03 PM

Many country love songs were sad "drown your tears in wine" laments. "Laugh about her and drink corn liquor" seemed to be Homer and Jethro's satirical viewpoint. The girls in their songs were always beasts. In their best parodies sweethearts were just sweathogs. "Let Me Go, Lover" becomes "Let Me Go, Blubber": "You're too fat in the first place, you know it's true. You're too fat in the second place, too." Hank Williams' "Cold Cold Heart" curdles with cheesy venom: "When tears come down like fallin' rain, they'll splatter on your varicose veins. But sleep won't come, you'll toss and roll-- till your eyes look like two gopher holes." "The Girl from Ipanema" isn't worth looking at either: "When she walks and you see her from the back it looks like two pigs fightin' in a tater sack, and when she passes, each guy she passes goes "Blaaah!"

I found this on a Google search.

Ebbie

Subject: Lyr Add: THE BATTLE OF KOOKAMONGA (Homer & Jethro)
From:
Date: 04 Feb 02 - 11:36 PM

Gene, if you're still around....

THE BATTLE OF KOOKAMONGA
(Homer and Jethro)

In nineteen and fifty-nine we took a little hike
With our Scoutmaster down to Lake Aneekanike
We took a little pizza and we took some sauerkraut
And we marched along together till we heard the Girl Scouts

Oh, we're the boys from Camp Kookamonga
Our mothers sent us here for to study Nature's ways
We learn to make sparks by rubbing sticks together
But if we catch the girls then we'll set the woods ablaze
(And I was made 'cause me mother sent me up here - ha ha ha)

Well, we crept up to the water and we seed the girls a-swimmin'
There must have been a hunnerd of them pretty young women
They looked so fine even birds forgot to sing
We laid down in the poison oak and didn't say a thing

Oh, we're the boys from Camp Kookamonga
Our mothers sent us here for to study Nature's ways
We learn to make sparks by rubbing sticks together
But if we catch the girls then we'll set the woods ablaze
(Hey, will one of you fellers scratch my back?)

Well, our counselor said we could take 'em by surprise
If we didn't say a word till we looked 'em in the eyes
We kept real still, and we had our eyes a-glued
We saw how they were dressed - they were swimming in the...

Well, now, we're the boys from Camp Kookamonga
Our mothers sent us here for to study Nature's ways
We learn to make sparks by rubbing sticks together
But if we catch the girls then we'll set the woods ablaze

Well, they ran through the briars and they ran through the brambles
And they ran through the bushes where a rabbit couldn't go
They ran so fast even we couldn't catch 'em
From Lake Aneekanike all the way to Buffalo
(Hey, fellers, wait for me!)

Well, we ran right after them till everyone was pooped
So we rested for a minute and our forces we regrouped
Then we saw the girls behind some evergreens
Captured by a company of United States Marines

Oh, we're the boys from Camp Kookamonga
Our mothers sent us here for to study Nature's ways
We learn to make sparks by rubbing sticks together
But if we catch the girls then we'll set the woods ablaze
(Ah, them big guys get everything!)

Well, they ran through the briars and they ran through the brambles
And they ran through the bushes where a rabbit couldn't go
They ran so fast even we couldn't catch 'em
From Lake Aneekanike all the way to Buffalo

(A rooty toot toot, a rooty toot toot
Oh, we are the boys from the Boy Scout troop
We don't smoke, and we don't chew
And we don't go with the girls that do!)

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 05 Feb 02 - 12:07 AM

Last year I started a thread called Spike Jones/Homer & Jethro Songs and posted "Pal-Yat-Chee" there. (It's a parody of the opera "I Pagliacci") I was a bit disappointed that no one else posted any lyrics in it. I wish I had known about this thread!

These songs are in DT:
Daddy Played First Base (a parody of "Daddy Sang Bass")
How Much Is That Hound Dog in the Window? (parody of "How Much Is That Doggie in the Window?")
Li'l Ole Kiss Of Fire (The DT says it's a parody, but I don't know what of.)
I'm Movin' On No. 2 (parody of Hank Snow's hit)
So Long (It's Been Good to Know Yuh!) (a parody of Woody Guthrie's song)
The Battle Of Camp Kookamonga (parody of "The Battle of New Orleans")
The Billboard Song (3)
Winchester Cathedral (Parody)

The following songs are posted in threads:
Don't Jump Off the Roof, Dad
Flower of the Wildwood (parody of "Wildwood Flower.")
I Won't Go Hunting with You Jake
Mama Don't Whip Little Buford
Pore Ol' Koo-Liger (parody of "Kaw-liga")
Sink The Bismarck-No. 2 - parody of Johnny Horton's song.
Tennessee Waltz.

There may be more, but that's all the searching I have time for right now.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: JedMarum
Date: 05 Feb 02 - 12:22 AM

Iloved their TV a for Kellogs Corn Flakes. I sing a medley of GET ALONG HOME CINDY with the CRAWDAD SONG - but I always take the time to remember H&J's commercial for Kellogs;

You get a bowl and I'll get spoon, honey ...

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Kaleea
Date: 05 Feb 02 - 12:35 AM

Elvis once said he had finally arrived when Homer & Jethro did a parody of his song: Heartbreak Motel. Homer & Jethro were ahead of their time (as was Spike) in that they could say suggestive things in song that the censors of the 50's-60's wouldn't allow the "kids" to listen to. My absolute fav albumn was "Homer & Jethro Live at the Country Club"--oh how I'd love to hear that one again. It had a couple of the above on it. Being a teen in the late 60's 8 appreciated a song "Since Yew've Gone" with a part about the dress made of newspaper--something about "she burned her front page, sports section & all, now she's gone." And then there's "Don't let the stars get in yer eyes if yew've got water on the brain" & the ever popular one they began by saying it was called "He didn't like her apartment so she knocked him flat."

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Hrothgar
Date: 05 Feb 02 - 07:23 AM

Does anybody know the parody they did of "Please Help Me, I'm Falling" which went something like:

Please help me, I'm crawling
She's done it again
Slammed the door on my fingers
When I tried to get in.

Hope those line breaks are right.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: kendall
Date: 05 Feb 02 - 08:08 AM

Kaleea, just how bad would you like to hear that album again?

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 05 Feb 02 - 08:08 AM

I have a couple of Homer & Jethro Albums that I got from my Dad when he moved back to Ireland. I remember sitting with him listening to them as a child and laughing out loud. I'll have to dig them out again, I always thought they were really funny.

Subject: Lyr Add: PLEASE HELP ME I'M CRAWLIN' (Homer & Jeth
From: GUEST,Gene
Date: 05 Feb 02 - 01:19 PM

PLEASE HELP ME I'M CRAWLIN'
(Parody of PLEASE HELP ME I'M FALLIN')
Homer & Jethro

Please help me; I'm crawlin'. She's done it again.
Slammed the door on my fingers when I tried to get in.
She hauled off and kicked out the last tooth I had.
I wish she would quit it before I get mad.

[PIANO INSTRUMENTAL BREAK]
SPOKEN:
HOMER: He ain't no Van Cliburn, is he?
JETHRO: He sounds more like Williams.
HOMER: Roger?
JETHRO: No, Ted.

Go down to the river where the water is nice.
Stick yore head under three times and pull it out twice.
First you wanted to leave me, then you wanted to stay.
Oh, how can I miss you when you won't go away?

Please help me; I'm fallin' fer somebody new.
Anything I wind up with will be better than you.
Go have your face lifted. It needs it, no doubt.
Go to Peter Pan's Beauty Shop before your pan peters out.

See the original PLEASE HELP ME I'M FALLING posted in another thread. –JoeClone, 13-May-2008.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Genie
Date: 06 Feb 02 - 12:03 AM

Record Lady website

BTW, I understand that one of the guys, Jethro, I think, was murdered by an intruder who accidentally broke into the wrong house, or something like that. Anyone have the story?

Other H&J parodies I remember:
•Out in the west Texas town of El Paso, I spent a whole month in only one day.
I looked around me for Rosa's Cantina. I think Hernando had hid it away. ...

•I'm walkin' behind y'all on yer weddin' day.
I cain't walk beside yew, yer feet's in the way.
•South of the border, by the Rio Grande, Mexican Joe was a sleepin' in the sand. ...
...Joe kicked the bucket about a week ago.
They rubbed his chest with alcohol, tryin' to cure his cough.
Joe went and broke his neck tryin' to kick it off."
•Oh, my frail wildwood flower was skinny and tall. 'Cept for her adam's apple, she'd have no shape at all. ... [these lyrics are somewhere in the forum under "wildwood flower]


Was it Homer and Jethro who did the comic reply to "Goodnight, Irene," ca. 1951?
"Please say goodnight to the guy, Irene, and let me get some sleep ...

We've been havin' thunder showers and his clothes are soaking wet.
He's been hangin' 'round for hours and you haven't answered yet.
"Please say goodnight to the guy, Irene, and let me get some sleep ...

Genie

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Gene
Date: 06 Feb 02 - 03:01 AM

See Bio of Homer & Jethro at:

http://userpages.aug.com/albink/hjbio.htm

According to above reference, Homer died of a Heart Attack in 1971 and Jethro died of cancer in n 1989.

You may be thinking of Stringbean - who was murdered during a break-in/robbery... His wife was murdered also...

Subject: Lyr Add: YALLER ROSE OF TEXAS (Homer & Jethro)
From: GUEST,Jenny the T
Date: 06 Feb 02 - 10:40 AM

Homer and Jethro--boy, those guys are probably as responsible as anyone for my sense of humor! I remember, as a little one, laughing so hard at that record that the milk came out my nose. Strangely, I wasn't drinking milk at the time...

(The 'that record' reference reminds me of a bit from their stage patter: (Homer) "Did anybody here buy that record?" [Nothing from the audience] (Jethro) "We only sold one, and we're trying to find out who bought it.")

I always loved their parody of The Yellow Rose of Texas:

YALLER ROSE OF TEXAS, YOU ALL

(Off, I believe, their "Live at the Country Club" album)

Oh, the yaller rose of Texas, the cutest on this earth.
Her right eye looks at Dallas, her left one at Fort Worth.
Her ponytail's a dandy. That hairdo is a prize,
But it comes in handy when she's a-switchin' flies.

CHORUS 1: Her skin is red 'n' fuzzy. It feels just like a peach.
I looked her over from head to toe and she had one of each.
Her face has fallen arches. It hangs just like a sack.
She'd like to have it lifted, but she doesn't have the jack.

Oh, the yaller rose of Texas, she looks just like a weed.
That one big upper tooth of hers looks like a punkin seed,
And when she opens up her mouth, it looks just like a rake.
Her lips are just like petals—I mean, pedals on a brake.

CHORUS 2: I was a-workin' in the garden when I diskivvered her.
I reached for an old tomater and, darlin', there you were.
You can take your nasty-sturtiums and take your violets blue,
And while you're at it take the yaller rose of Texas, too.

See the original YELLOW ROSE OF TEXAS posted in another thread. –JoeClone, 13-May-2008.

Subject: Lyr Add: DON'T LET THE STARS GET IN YOUR EYEBALLS
From: GUEST,Jenny the T, again
Date: 06 Feb 02 - 10:48 AM

And here's another hilarious one that comes back to me:

DON'T LET THE STARS GET IN YOUR EYEBALLS

Don't let the stars get in your eyes
If you've got water on the brain
Don't light the flame, or you'll be to blame
The spark of love will take your breath
The water starts to streamin'
Your ears will start to steamin'
And you'll percolate yourself to death

Too many nights
Too many stars
Too many knots upon my head (two, three)
Love was in bloom, then she lowered the boom
And now I wish that I was dead
She's got me educated
My eyes are granulated
'Cause she hit me with the sugar bowl

Her teeth were like the stars above
Because they come out ever' night
Her hair so fair, she laid it on a chair
Because I seen it layin' there
I cocked an eye at her
She cocked an eye at me
And we just set there cockeyed as could be

Don't let the stars get in
Your eyeball sockets

---

Also in this thread (click).

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Arkie
Date: 06 Feb 02 - 11:39 AM

Both Homer and Jethro were also exceptional musicians. A fact that is often missed due their reputation for comedy. It was mentioned earlier that Jethro was noted for his ability on the mandolin. After the death of Homer he put together a highly regarded band which, I think, produced several recordings. He also performed with brother-in-law Chet Atkins on occasion.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Kaleea
Date: 07 Feb 02 - 02:53 AM

Guest, My sense of humor was, no doubt, also affected by the great duo, Homer & Jethro. In fact, I love to use traditional tunes & write comical lyrics which have provided many a laugh at performances, especially for the older folks. The song parody is one of my fav genres, and homer & Jethro were the greatest! Humble acknowledgements to Spike the Great.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Gene
Date: 07 Feb 02 - 03:33 AM

Their modern day counterparts are Pinkard & Bowden...

Help Me Make It Thru The Yard
Blue Hair Drivin' In My Lane
Three-Mile Island [Tune of: Wolverton Mt.]
Daddy Played First Base [Tune of: Daddy Sang Base]
Drivin' My Wife Away [Tune of: Drivin' My Life Away]

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Canuck
Date: 07 Feb 02 - 04:46 AM

They parodied Johnny Cash's I don't like it (But I guess things happen that way)

some of the lyric:

Our last record wasn't a hit
They forgot to put a hole in it
I don't like it but I guess things happen that way
The reason that it never sold
It's a nine inch record with a twelve inch hole

Johnny Cash made this a hit
We're gonna put a stop to it
He don't like it, but I guess things happen that way
&c. &c.
And, in their performance of Bismarck, they did the line "Our souls were full of hope" by singing "And our holes--our souls--were full of hope" haha those guys were SO funny, and great musicians!

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: kendall
Date: 07 Feb 02 - 09:03 AM

I used to love to hear Jethro go from some silly piece into one of Brahms Hungarian Dance tunes, then back without missing a beat. They were great musicians. Spike Jones? you gotta be a musician to get a recognizable tune out of a sack of crowbars.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Genie
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 04:27 AM

Was there anything from their era that they didn't parody?

Genie

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Iceboy
Date: 13 Feb 02 - 06:21 AM

In my opinion, Homer & Jethro may have been the most under-rated musical/comedy act of the last 60 years. I still have my father's origial copy of "The Worst of Homer & Jethro" featuring both June Carter "Baby It's Cold Outside," and Spike Jones "Pal-Yat-Chee." The whole album is a brilliant representation of 50's studio C&W work and PI period comedy. I toured for years with a couple different bands that didn't even listen to country, but Homer & Jethro would tapes during those long drives ould always get respect while causing tears to roll down our faces and our sides to hurt from laughter. Saw them in Spokane, Wa in 1963 and will never foget it. Americana at it's finest!!!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 03:03 AM

At Last!

having found this thread, I think it's time for another peek, especially if anyone wants to harvest thongs...

Robin

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Gern
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 11:20 AM

Hey, I got a couple of these:

Subject: Lyr Add: LET ME GO, BLUBBER (Homer and Jethro)
From: Gern
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 11:25 AM

LET ME GO, BLUBBER
[to the tune of "Let Me Go, Lover" by Hank Snow and Patti Page.]

Let me go, let me go, let me go, Blubber
Let me scat like a cat from your arms.
You're too fat in the first place, and you know that it's true
You're too fat, in the second place, too.
When I told her her new bustle was cute as could be
She said "Homer, that's no bustle, it's me"
Turn me loose, please reduce your caboose, Blubber
Pound for pound, you're just too round, I've found.

[Here Jethro plays a refrain of "Fascination" Which Homer declares, Don't seem so fascinatin' to me." At the end of the refrain, Homer sings "She had nine buttons on her nightgown/But she could only fasten eight."]

Subject: Lyr Add: GAL FROM POSSUM HOLLER (Homer & Jethro)
From: Gern
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 11:30 AM

Gee, I wish I could figure out the line break thing... Oh well, here's another, but this one is only approximate. I no longer own a copy, so I have to guess on this and leave out the last verse. Maybe someone knows the correct version. It's a killer:

THE GAL FROM POSSUM HOLLER
[To the tune of "The Girl From Ipanema" by Carlos Jobim.]

Short and fat and mean and sassy
The gal from Possum Holler comes passing
And when she passes, the guys she passes go "Bleah..."

When she goes by walking, from the back
She looks like two bobcats fighting in a tater sack
And when she passes, the guys she passes go, "Bleah..."

Oh, how that woman can bug me
I'd die if I thought that she loved me
She has such an excess of ugly
That each day when she goes to the 'crick'
Even the catfish get sick [...]

Gern: Nowadays you don't have to do anything special to get line breaks. They will appear just as you typed them. --JoeClone, 18-Sep-03.

Subject: Lyr Add: BABY IT'S COLD OUTSIDE (Homer & Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 18 Sep 03 - 01:48 AM

I took a crack at transcribing this from The Record Lady's All-Time Country Favorites, Real Country Page 29:

There are still a few missing or uncertain phrases indicated by (?)

BABY IT'S COLD OUTSIDE
(As sung by Homer and Jethro and June Carter)

JUNE, SPOKEN: I gotta get home, fellers. I can't stay here all night.
JETHRO, SPOKEN: It's kinda cold out there, June.
HOMER, SPOKEN: Yep, it shore is.
JUNE: I ain't a-fixin' to stay.
H&J: But, baby, it's cold outside.
JUNE: I gotta get away.
H&J: But, baby, it's cold outside.
JUNE: This evenin' has been--
H&J: Been hopin' that you fall in.
JUNE: --so very nice.
H&J: I'll hold your hands; they're just like feet.
JUNE: Mommy will start to worry.
H&J: Beautiful, what's your hurry?
JUNE: ... (?) will get the shotgun now.
H&J: If he does, we'll hafta leave town.
JUNE: Maybe I'd better scurry.
H&J: Have a drink. What's your hurry?
JUNE: Maybe just a half a jug more.
H&J: Put some Eddy Arnold records on while I pour.
JUNE: The neighbors might think--
H&J: But, baby, it's bad out there.
JUNE: Say, what's in this here drink?
H&J: That ain't sarsaparilly there.
JUNE: I wish I knew how--
H&J: Your eyeballs are poppin' out now.
JUNE: --to break the spell.
H&J: I'll take your hair; your hat looks swell.
JUNE: 'Course they know no worser (?)
H&J: Mind if we move in closer?
JUNE: At least I'm puttin' up a good fight.
H&J: Boy, this black eye sure is a sight.
JUNE: I really can't stay.
H&J: Oh, baby, don't hold out.
ALL THREE: Ah, but it's cold outside.

[MANDOLIN SOLO]
HOMER (SPOKEN): Ah, pick it warm, Jethro.

JUNE: I simply must go.
H&J: But, baby, it's cold outside.
JUNE: The answer is no.
H&J: But, baby, it's cold outside.
JUNE: The weatherman said--
H&J: How lucky that you fell in.
JUNE: --it would be fair.
H&J: That ain't soap chips falling out there.
JUNE: Sister will be suspicious.
H&J: Gosh, your lips looks like petals.
JUNE, SPOKEN: Petals?
JETHRO, SPOKEN: Yeah, bicycle pedals.
[HOMER giggles.]
JUNE: My brother will be waitin' at the door.
H&J: Hope he won't be too sore.
JUNE: Aunt Sary's mind is suspicious
H&J: Gosh, your lips are delicious.
JUNE: Gimme the key to that door.
H&J: Never seen a turtle bump a lizard before.
JUNE: I gotta get home.
H&J: But, baby, you'd freeze out there.
JUNE: Say, lend me a comb.
H&J: It's up to your knees out there.
JUNE: You boys have been grand--
H&J: We'd just like I hold your hand.
JUNE: --but don't you see--
H&J: How can you do this thing to me?
JUNE: There will be talk tomorrow.
H&J: Think of my lifelong sorrow--
JUNE: At least there will be plenty implied.
H&J: --if you caught pneumonia and died.
JUNE: I really can't stay.
H&J: Your antifreeze won't hold out.
ALL THREE: Ah, but/Baby, it's cold outside.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 21 Sep 03 - 03:40 PM

I posted FRIENDSHIP, written by Cole Porter, as performed by Homer & Jethro, here. That one was also transcribed from the sound file at The Record Lady's All-Time Country Favorites, Real Country Page 13.

Subject: Lyr Add: MAMA, GET THE HAMMER (Homer & Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 21 Sep 03 - 08:59 PM

This song has been mentioned several times at Mudcat. The title appears on several lists of worst/best/funniest country song titles--lists that have been propagated through the Internet. No artist is ever credited. I wonder if the people who posted the title even knew the song was real?

The song sounds like a polka, but I don't recognize the tune. If it's a parody, I don't know the original.

Transcribed by me from the sound file at The Record Lady's All-Time Country Favorites, Real Country Page 15.

MAMA, GET THE HAMMER (THERE'S A FLY ON PAPA'S HEAD)
(As sung by Homer and Jethro)

A little fly upon the wall
Had no place to crawl at all.
All at once, his wings were spread
Right on dear old papa's head.

CHORUS: Mama, get the hammer. There's a fly on papa's head.
You heard what I said: there's a fly on papa's head.
If you can't get a hammer, get a crowbar, ma, instead.
There's a fly on papa's head.

Well, the fly flew through an open flue,
And flew till he was black and blue.
Instead of flying right straight home,
He flew on top of papa's dome. CHORUS

Horsefly, please don't bother me.
Go fly up an apple tree.
Horsefly says, "Now look here, Joe.
I'll go where I want to go." CHORUS

Subject: Lyr Add: LET ME GO, BLUBBER (Homer & Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 21 Sep 03 - 09:28 PM

The recording at The Record Lady's All-Time Country Favorites (Real Country Page 24) is somewhat different from what Gern quoted above, and it has an extra verse. There is nothing about "Fascination" in this recording.

LET ME GO, BLUBBER
(as sung by Homer & Jethro)

Let me go. Let me go. Let me go, Blubber.
Let me scat like a cat 'way from you.
You're too fat in the first place. You know it's true.
You're too fat in the second place, too.

When I said that your bustle was as cute as could be,
You said, "Darling, that's no bustle. That's me."
Oh, turn me loose. Please reduce your caboose, Blubber.
Pound for pound, you're just too round for me.

When you had your appendix removed at last,
They didn't know whether to operate or blast.
Let me go. Let me go. Let me go, Blubber.
Set me free. You're just too much for me.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 22 Sep 03 - 11:26 AM

TIGER BY THE TAIL (parody, Homer & Jethro)

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Gern
Date: 23 Sep 03 - 11:14 AM

My version was taken from a "Homer and Jethro in Concert" LP, which would be worth the trouble to find.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Martin Gibson
Date: 23 Sep 03 - 11:28 AM

I had the pleasure of seeing Homer & Jethro live as a teen in the about 1967 on a package show in Chicago that radio station WJJD used to promote.

I also got to meet Jethro Burns much later on. He used to be found quite regularly hanging out at Guitar Works in Evanston.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 23 Sep 03 - 11:43 PM

DON'T LET THE STARS GET IN YOUR EYEBALLS

Subject: Lyr Add: CHARLIE CHEATED ON HIS INCOME TAX
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 24 Sep 03 - 08:08 PM

Here's one sung by Homer and Jethro that they don't seem to have written or rewritten themselves. I don't think this is a parody of any particular song (but if I'm wrong, and anyone recognizes it, please let me know!) but rather a satire on the whole folk music revival. I think I hear echoes of the Kingston Trio, various bad-man ballads like Tom Dooley, and especially The M.T.A. (Transcribed from the sound file at The Record Lady's All-Time Country Favorites, Real Country Page 32):

CHARLIE CHEATED ON HIS INCOME TAX
(Milton Addington, Dickey Lee, Allen Reynolds)

(Citizens, listen: I tell you, danger lurks all about us. Now here's the story of an ordinary man...)
I've been workin' on the railroad...
(...who fell victim to a governmental structure that he loved but never understood. Listen well. This could have been you.)

Come all you taxpayers and listen to me well.
I've a story that's very sad to tell
'Bout a victim of the system of legislative acts.
They say Charlie cheated on his income tax.

Now Charlie's been a good man 'most all of his life.
He never even cheated on his wife. (Oh, no?)
A pillar of society, a credit to his folks,
And he'd die 'fore he'd tell a dirty joke.

Charlie, Charlie, what did you do?
Twenty-nine T-men a-comin' after you.
You must be guilty of an awful crime,
If you're worth so much civil service time.

Well, the trouble really started when he bought an old guitar,
Learned to play it like his fav'rite record star, (Don Bowman!)
And when he made twenty dollars on an amateur show,
He declared it so his Uncle Sam would know.

But the form that used was a ten-twenty sheet.
After five o'clock, that form is obsolete,
And between the hours of ten and twelve, you use a W-2,
But on holidays, you file an L-O-Q.

Charlie, Charlie, waltzed through the town,
Handcuffs on and his head a-hangin' down,
Disgraced and dishonored while friends turned their backs,
Thinkin' Charlie cheated on his income tax.

The judge at the trial said, "I understand your plight.
This time I'm gonna make the sentence light."
Well, Charlie stood and faced the bench and shed a grateful tear
As they led him off with only ninety years.

Charlie, Charlie, victim of our time,
Never even understood the nature of his crime,
A lesson to us all that we never can relax
Lest they call us in for cheatin' on our income tax.

I've been workin' on the railroad all the livelong day...

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 25 Sep 03 - 01:28 AM

I SAW MOMMY SMOOCHIN' SANTA CLAUS

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 03 Oct 03 - 02:49 AM

I Really Don't Want to Know

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 03 Oct 03 - 02:54 AM

Thread Mama Don't Whip Little Buford

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 03 Oct 03 - 02:57 AM

POOR OL' KOO-LIGER (Homer & Jethro)

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 03 Oct 03 - 03:01 AM

I'm gettin nuttin for Christmas

Subject: Lyr Add: I'LL NEVER WALTZ AGAIN (Homer and Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 20 Oct 03 - 11:41 PM

The following is apparently a parody of I'LL NEVER WALTZ AGAIN WITH YOU by Sammy Cahn and Jimmy Van Heusen—but I have been unable to find any lyrics, sound samples, or recording information about that song. I must admit I don't understand the last two verses of the parody. There seems to be a joke or two there that I don't get. Maybe it would help if I knew the original.

Transcribed from the sound file at The Record Lady's All-Time Country Favorites, Real Country Page 33.

I'LL NEVER WALTZ AGAIN
(As sung by Homer and Jethro)

I'll never waltz again with you,
'Specially when you're wearin' slacks.
If women have to wear the britches,
They should never turn their backs.

Oh, I used to waltz with you
When you were my little queen.
I was eight and you was nine,
And that just made us seventeen.

Here's how she does the hula dance:
Around her neck, she ties some hops.
She ties some hay around her waist.
Then she just rotates the crops.

I'll never waltz again with her,
'Cause she shimmies and she struts.
Ever'body calls her Hershey.
That's because she is half nuts.

(Instrumental break, featuring a guitar playing off-key)
(Spoken:)
--Hey, Jethro!
--Huh?
--Is he playin' what's written?
--No, Homer, he's playin' what's rotten.

The other night we went to town,
And then I took her to a fancy ball,
And as I waltzed her round and round,
I noticed that she kept a-getting tall.

As we tried to swing and sway,
Suddenly I hear'd her say:
"Dear, I've got a wooden leg.
You're turning me the wrong way."

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 21 Oct 03 - 10:17 PM

The wooden leg has obviously been "screwed in" and he is "unscrewing" her... the jokes follow on from there... :-)

Robin

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: regiberry
Date: 22 Oct 03 - 01:49 AM

Well I have appreciated the humor of Homer and Jethro for many years.
They used to have a 15 minute TV show and would do several songs just before the evening news...think it was on KTLA in Los Angeles...I know there were shows recorded....wouldn't it be great if these shows could be tracked down and made into a video!

Jethro Burns was a very innovated mandolin player.

Thanks for all the tunes you all shared here...glad I found this place.
This is my first post here!

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 22 Oct 03 - 09:13 AM

Robin: As a matter of fact, that meaning did occur to me, but it seemed a bit far-fetched and not very funny, or at least not as funny as their big build-up led me to expect, so I was reluctant to believe that's what they had in mind. You're probably right though.

Welcome, Regiberry.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE CHASE IS ON (Homer and Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 22 Oct 03 - 08:08 PM

The original of this one is in the DT: THE RACE IS ON, written by Don Rollins and recorded by George Jones, among others.

The following parody is transcribed from the sound file at The Record Lady's All-Time Country Favorites, Real Country Archives Page 11.

THE CHASE IS ON
(As sung by Homer and Jethro)

My poor heart is as heavy as a bucket of liver and my feet are a-burning like "far."
I'm standing here on the corner wondering where all the women are.
Now you might think I'm a little too old, but I'm in there chasing them all,
But then I reckon if I ever caught one, then I would break right down and bawl.

CHORUS: Now the chase is on and here comes blondes up the backstretch,
Brunettes, they're running on the outside.
Blackheads are being squeezed, and almost standing still.
My feet's a-getting a blister and I'm a-getting mighty short on wind.
The chase is on and I'll be right in it, just as long as it's downhill.

One day I fell in love with a pretty little filly, never dreaming what a fool I'd be.
I lived in hopes of waking up each morning and finding she was gone from me.
It ain't that I wasn't crazy about her, 'cause I sure did love her a heap,
But my mind was a-making appointments that my body just couldn't keep. CHORUS

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 23 Oct 03 - 12:59 AM

I'M MOVIN' ON (Homer & Jethro)

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 23 Oct 03 - 01:01 AM

SANTA'S MOVIN' ON (Homer and Jethro)

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 02 Nov 03 - 10:33 PM

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS MY UPPER PLATE

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,pdq
Date: 02 Nov 03 - 10:56 PM

Homer and Jethro's "Playing It Straight" has been impossible to find for years. A recent add on eBay showed a Japanese CD with "Aint Necessarily Square" added on one CD. Does anyone know if this is a closeout? They are going for serious premium over a normal CD.          here is sight/ copy and paste

http://search-desc.ebay.com/search/search.dll?cgiurl=http%3A%2F%2Fcgi.ebay.com%2Fws%2F&MfcISAPICommand=GetResult&SortProperty=MetaEndSort&ht=1&from=R4&ebaytag1=ebayreg&query=Homer+Jethro+Playing+It+Straight&CATEGORY0=11233&SRCHDESC=y

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 09 Nov 03 - 02:07 PM

The following H&J songs also appear in various threads:

SAN ANTONIO ROSE – parody of Bob Wills' song.
FLOWER OF THE WILDWOOD – parody of the Carter Family's WILDWOOD FLOWER
D–I–V–O–R–C–E (B–A–C–O–N and E–G–G–S) – parody of Tammy Wynette's DIVORCE
THE SQUARE SONG – original?
I'VE GOT TEARS IN MY EARS (also here) – another original?
EL PASO – parody of Marty Robbins' song
I DON'T FLIRT ANYMORE – parody of Hank Snow's I DON'T HURT ANYMORE
SWAPPIN' PARTNERS – parody of Patti Page's CHANGING PARTNERS
I GUESS THINGS HAPPEN THAT WAY – parody of Johnny Cash's GUESS THINGS HAPPEN THAT WAY
TENNESSEE BORDER NO. 2 – parody of Red Foley's TENNESSEE BORDER

Subject: Lyr Add: COLD, COLD HEART NO. 2 (Homer & Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 10 Dec 03 - 10:03 PM

The original of this is already in DT: COLD, COLD HEART, written and recorded by Hank Williams; also recorded by Louis Armstrong, Tony Bennett, Johnny Cash, Connie Francis, George Jones, Jerry Lee Lewis, Ray Price, The Sons of the Pioneers, Ernest Tubb, Dinah Washington, and many others -- and recently by Norah Jones.

And now the parody, transcribed from the sound file at http://www.geocities.com/u2page5/ :

COLD, COLD HEART NO. 2
(As sung by Homer & Jethro)

I tried so hard, my dear, to show that you're my ev'ry dream.
Yet ev'ry time I see your face, it makes me want to scream.
You look much better to me, dear, the farther we're apart.
Your liver may be warm but you have got a cold, cold heart.

You'll never know how much it hurts to see you sit and cry,
But you could cry much better if you had another eye.
One look at you and I am through. It makes my eyeballs smart.
I wish that you'd fall off your broom and break your cold, cold heart.

HOMER (spoken): 'Samatter, Jethro? You got cold fingers? Get hot, boy, get hot.

There was a time one look at you could make my pore heart sing.
Now ever' time I look at you, I think I've found The Thing.
When I see you walk in the room, it makes the teardrops start.
Why don't you go sit on a stove and melt your cold, cold heart?

[Recorded by Homer & Jethro on "The Humorous Side of Country Music," 1963; "Ooh, That's Corny," 1963; "The Best of Homer & Jethro," 1966 and 1996; and "Country Comedy," 1971.]

Subject: Lyr Add: I DON'T THINK MY GAL LOVES ME ANYMORE
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 10 Dec 03 - 10:21 PM

If this is a parody, I don't know what the original is.

Lyrics transcribed from the sound file at http://www.geocities.com/u2page5/

I DON'T THINK MY GAL LOVES ME ANYMORE
(As sung by Homer & Jethro)

She hit me on the head and she tore my clothes.
She blacked my eye and broke my nose.
I don't think my girl loves me anymore.
She changed her front-door lock, you see,
And then she sic'ed her dog on me.
I don't think my girl loves me anymore.
Well, I caught her in the kitchen
Puttin' arsenic in my tea,
And if she doesn't cut it out,
I'll think she's mad at me.
And when our date last night was through,
She said, "Don't call me. I'll call you."
I don't think my girl loves me anymore.

Now when I call her on the phone,
She answers and says that she's not home.
I don't think my girl loves me anymore.
She shoves me down the stairs and counts
To see how many times I bounce.
I don't think my girl loves me anymore.
Well, I caught her foolin' with the brakes
Beneath my car today.
Aw, jeez, that's awful nice of her
To fix my car that way.
She's got a rifle now, I see,
And it's a-pointin' right at me.
I don't think my girl loves me anymore.
I don't think my girl loves me anymore.

[Recorded by Homer & Jethro on "Life Can Be Miserable," 1958.]

Subject: Lyr Add: KING OF THE CAMP (Homer & Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 10 Dec 03 - 10:52 PM

The original of this is in the DT: KING OF THE ROAD by Roger Miller.

Lyrics transcribed from the sound file at http://www.geocities.com/u2page5/

KING OF THE CAMP
(As sung by Homer & Jethro)

Fly-bugs an' bumblebees,
Chigger bites on my knees,
Band-Aids from head to toes,
Got a sunburn on my nose.

I got sand in the food I eat.
I got blisters on both my feet.
I'm in pain, but can't complain,
I'm king of the camp.

Folks bring their brats to stay
Here until Labor Day.
When they become a drag,
I give them a plastic bag.
I got sprained ankles, cuts, an' bumps.
I got chicken pox and the mumps.
I got alters(?) just because I'm
King of the camp.

I know ever' mom an' dad an' all o' their brats,
All o' their doggies, an' all o' their cats.
If the kids are great as the parents all say,
Then how come ev'ry summer they send 'em away?

Meanwhile, back at the pool,
Water is nice an' cool.
Kids splashin' all around,
While I teach 'em how to drown.
I lose more little brats that way.
I lose some in the woods each day.
I'm a bitter baby-sitter,
King of the camp,
Champ of the camp,
Chump of the dump.

[Recorded by Homer & Jethro on "The Old Crusty Minstrels," 1965; and "The Best of Homer & Jethro," 1996.]

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Ebbie
Date: 10 Dec 03 - 11:25 PM

"Once Burns met singer-songwriter Steve Goodman at a Chicago folk club, another legendary mandolin and guitar duet began. Their tours, and Goodman's albums, introduced Jethro to a new generation of fans...

"Steve Goodman once said of Jethro, "I never heard him play or say anything that wasn't the very thing that everyone else in the room wished they had played or said." How did he do it? His special skill was to mix equal parts mischief and genius. (While keeping his tongue firmly in cheek at all times!). A large part of his appeal can be summed up in his philosophy of "No matter where you go, there you are!"

"Jethro's humor, mandolin playing, and musicianship remained undiminished, even in the final stages of the cancer that took his life on February 4, 1989. "

http://www.dawgnet.com/acd_html/artists/burns.html

Subject: Lyr Add: DON'T SING ALONG (ON TOP OF OLD SMOKEY)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 11:12 PM

The original of this is in the DT: ON TOP OF OLD SMOKY

Lyrics of the transcribed from the sound file at http://www.geocities.com/u2page6/

DON'T SING ALONG (ON TOP OF OLD SMOKEY)
(Jeffrey Clay)

[Jethro begins playing the intro on the mandolin, and hits a (deliberately) wrong note.]
--Hey, hey, hey! Will you play that again please?
--All right. Here we go.
[Jethro plays the intro again, hitting the same wrong note.]
--That's a lot better.
--Thank you.
--I thought you's playin' it wrong there at first. Let's all sing now.
--All right. Here we go.

On top of Ol' Smoky
All covered with snow,
I lost my true lover
By courtin' too slow.

--Uh, would you folks like to sing along with us?
--Yeah!
--Well, I wish you wouldn't, 'cause we want to sing it by ourselves.
--Come on now, Homer. You promised 'em. Now why don't you just kind o' give 'em the lines an' let them repeat after us.
--All right.

--On top of Ol' Smoky
On top of Ol' Smoky
--All covered with trees,
All covered with trees,
--I stood in the water
I stood in the water
--Plumb up to my ankles.
Plumb up to my --huh?

--Homer, just a minute. That don't rhyme.
--Well, the water wasn't deep enough.... Jethro, gimme a E-flat there.
--You know I can't play an E-flat.
--Well, gimme a E an' I'll flatten it out myself.... Let's all sing again, now.
--All right.

--Her hair was so wavy
Her hair was so wavy
--An' soft as pure silk.
An' soft as pure silk.
--'Cause when she shampooed it,
'Cause when she shampooed it,
--She used dragon milk.
She used dragon --huh?

--Cut! Homer, where do you get that "dragon milk"?
--Well, you get it from a cow with short legs.... Let's all sing this thing an' get out o' here. What do you say?
--All right.

Your may think we're crazy.
We'll have to agree.
But you bought this record
And we [got it free.]*

[*Note: The online recording ended abruptly so I had to guess at the ending. There may be more to the song. -JD. Recorded by Homer & Jethro on "Songs to Tickle Your Funny Bone," 1966.]

Subject: Lyr Add: SHE BROKE MY HEART AT WALGREENS
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 11:29 PM

If this is a parody, I don't know what the original is. One web site attributes it to "H.Mills"; another to Mack Allen Smith.

Lyrics transcribed from the sound file at http://www.geocities.com/u2page6/

SHE BROKE MY HEART AT WALGREENS
(As sung by Homer & Jethro)

Over a drink for those who think young*, I got the bad news.
One payment book, her matchin' house key, my diamond ring.
There lay the ruins of my future. We planned to wed this year.
But she broke my heart at Walgreen's, then I cried all the way to Sears.

I hear the man still laugin' at me, but I don't blame him.
Silly of me for asking of him, "Please read this ad."
Well, this could be the funniest heartbreak of the year.
First she broke my heart at Walgreen's, then I cried all the way to Sears.

What made the pain more painful, I hurt each step of the way.
Grabbing ...(?), waiting for lots o' tears, (?)
Gettin' in my way.

I'd fall down, then I'd get up, while slippin' on my tears.
First she broke my heart at Walgreen's, then I cried all the way to Sears.

[*"For those who think young": once an advertising slogan for Pepsi. Recorded by Homer & Jethro on "The Old Crusty Minstrels," 1965.]

Subject: Lyr Add: SHE WAS BITTEN ON THE UDDER BY AN ADDER
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 11:34 PM

If this is a parody, I don't know what the original is.

Lyrics transcribed from the sound file at http://www.geocities.com/u2page6/

SHE WAS BITTEN ON THE UDDER BY AN ADDER
(As sung by Homer & Jethro)

Now here's a song about a cow so round, so firm, so trim.
The cow wouldn't give no milk at all, so we got mad at him.
One day the weather started a-gittin' hotter by the hour.
The old cow laid down on 'er back an' give herself a shower.

CHORUS: Oh, she never died so suddenly before,
And I bet she'll never do it any more,
And I know I never will be any sadder.
She was a-bitten on the udder by an adder.

Our little cow was nice an' fat. Her hair was soft as silk.
She slipped and fell right through a bridge an' durn near strained her milk.
We lifted her as if she didn't weigh a single ounce,
And then we pushed her off the bridge to see the Jersey Bounce. CHORUS

A little bull walked all the way from here to Ioway,
Which goes to prove a little bull will go a long, long way.
Then pappy hitched 'im to a plow an' said, "Now here's my chance.
To show this boy there's some'n' in this world besides romance."

Now he's with ol' Bossy over there, I guess,
Where the cows are all contented, more or less.
And he is glad but Bossy is much gladder.
She was a-bitten on the udder by an adder.

[Recorded by Homer & Jethro on "Songs My Mother Never Sang," 1961; "Live at Vanderbilt University," 1968; and "America's Song Butchers: The Weird World of Homer & Jethro," 1997.]

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,AF
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 02:04 PM

I am looking for the lyrics to a number of Homer and Jethro songs, namely: Hart-Brake Motel, He'll Have To Go, Hernando's Hideaway, I Fall To Pieces, In The Shade of the Old Apple Tree, I Want To Hold Your Hand, Jam-Bowl-Liar, Malady of Love, Mister Sandman, Misty, Sixteen Tons, Tennessee, Tennessee, and You Belong To Me. I am collecting them for a woman who loves H&J and lost all of her records when her home was destroyed by a flood. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Cluin
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 02:39 PM

Jethro Tull's gonna be on "The Simpsons"?

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 11:09 PM

GUEST,AF – Your reviving this thread reminded me that I have several more songs to post. Stay tuned. I think I have at least one of the songs you want. When I'm finished posting songs, hopefully in the next day or two, I plan to post a list of links to all the songs I've posted.

Subject: Lyr Add: CAMP RUNAMUCK (from Homer & Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 11:11 PM

Lyrics transcribed from the sound file at http://www.geocities.com/u2page5/

CAMP RUNAMUCK
(Howard Greenfield, Jack Keller)

CHORUS: Oh, Runamuck, there's summer fun
In Runamuck, but we have none
In Runamuck, 'cause in Runamuck, only couns'lors have the fun.
Oh, Runamuck, we're out o' luck
In Runamuck, 'cause we've been stuck
In Runamuck, Runamuck, Runamuck, till the summer's done.

On the lake of Wannatonka there's a camp called Runamuck,
And to our misfortune we're the campers who got stuck.
The food tastes just like poison and the pollen makes us sneeze,
While day and night, mosquitoes bite our elbows and our knees. CHORUS

All the couns'lors think we're sleepin' but we're really wide awake.
We hear them canoein' to the girls across the lake.
We would like to follow but the chance is purty slim.
What can we do? There's one canoe an' none of us can swim.

[On the final chorus, Homer sings the words shown above while Jethro sings the following lines as counterpoint:]
Oh, Runamuck! We will be true.
Though it hurts, we're gonna see it through.
Oh, we will raise your colors high,
But they forgot to tell us why.

[As recorded by Homer & Jethro on "The Old Crusty Minstrels," 1965. This is not a parody. The words and music are as written by Greenfield and Keller for the US TV sitcom "Camp Runamuck," 1964-65 (also shown on BBC1 on Saturday mornings, 1975). Only the tune without words-and not performed by H&J-was actually used on the show.]

Subject: Lyr Add: THEY LAID HIM IN THE GROUND (parody)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 11:51 PM

The following seems to be based on an old-time or bluegrass song, but I don't have any information about the original.

Lyrics transcribed from the sound file at http://www.geocities.com/u2page6/

THEY LAID HIM IN THE GROUND
(As sung by Homer & Jethro)

CHORUS: They laid him in the ground, boys, laid him in the ground.
One more there an' one less here. They laid him in the ground.

Once I had a Thomas cat. He could warble like Caruso.
A neighbor swung a baseball bat. Now Thomas doesn't do so. CHORUS

Now Uncle Henry learned to fly a plane up in the air.
His parachute was full o' holes, but Henry didn't care. CHORUS

A man stood on a divin' board. He made a monstrous leap.
He didn't know the water there was only one foot deep. CHORUS

Now Mr. Julius Caesar was a great man, we all allow.
The greatest man of all his day, but where is Caesar now? CHORUS

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,AF
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:08 PM

JIM DIXON Thank you for posting the additional songs. Turns out I didn't have any of those in my collection. My friend will be pleasantly surprised at the number of songs I was able to find and I owe it mostly to this web site and to you. Thank you again AF

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,ches
Date: 19 Jan 05 - 11:54 AM

I am looking for the words to Homer and Jethro's rendition of "Love and Marriage". Any help?

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Guest, mew
Date: 20 Jan 05 - 11:16 AM

My mother and her friends used to sing a Homer and Jethro song "She Made toothpicks of the Timber in My Heart"

She was tall and she was limber, as timber she was fine
But her heart was (something something) turpentine
Like an axeblade cuts a pole
She made sawdust of my soul
she made toothpicks of the timber in my heart

I would love to have the rest of the lyrics -- Mom doesn't think she has them all.

Subject: Toothpicks from the timber of my heart
From: GUEST,Gene
Date: 09 Feb 05 - 01:08 AM

Sounds like this to me....

Fer a backwoods gal was she
And fer choppin' down a tree
She was handy with an ax and she was smart
Oh but I should have passed her by
When she waved and hollered hi
She made toothpicks of the timber of my heart

Well when whe promised to be mine
I cut ninety logs of pine
For a little cabin in our world of hearts
All our dreams were heaven bound
Till she tore that castle down
She made toothpicks of the timber of my heartx

She made toothpicks of the timber of my heart
She made toothpicks of the timber of my heart
Like a buzzsaw rips a pole
She made sawdust of my soul
She made toothpicks of the timber of my heart

She was tall and she was limber
And for timber she was fine
But her lips were poison oak and turpentine
She was cute and I was green
Yes my darlin' lumber queen
Twined me 'round her finger like a clingin' vine

Now I hang around the shack
Jist a lonesome lumberjack
Mighta knowed her heart
Was wooden from the start
When she snatched away her charms
There were splinters in my arms
She made toothpicks of the timber of my heart

She made toothpicks of the timber of my heart
She made toothpicks of the timber of my heart
When she rolled me down that hill
And she run me thru the mill
She made toothpicks of the timber of my heart

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Kaleea
Date: 09 Feb 05 - 04:06 AM

Some of my fav songs are Homer & Jethro songs. I often quote some of their jokes when I'm at the jams. Sometimes, someone there knows of what I speak. Their songs are terrific with the nursing home set.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,hye
Date: 09 Feb 05 - 04:10 AM

test

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: kendall
Date: 09 Feb 05 - 08:12 PM

..you'll never know how much it hurts to see you sit and cry,
But you could cry much better if you had your other eye... classic H&J

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: kendall
Date: 10 Feb 05 - 06:40 AM

Does anyone remember:
When we walk hand in hand her breath smells like a garbage can it's tragic,
Her hair looks like saurkraut and when she laughs he teeth fall out it's tragic...


...her teeth stuck out so far she didn't have much sense
she could eat an ear of corn right through a picket fence...


I picked her up one night to see what we could see,
That's when I met her husband, he stood 6 foot three
He had brass knuckles made to order
Now my teeth are scattered on the Tennessee border.
or

I went to your wedding although I was dreading
the thought of seeing you,
Your Father was laughing, your Mother was laughing
At last they got rid of you..

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: erinmaidin
Date: 10 Feb 05 - 07:10 AM

I remember, in the 70's, walking in to a Ramada Inn in South Bend, Indiana, to hear a band called "The Wright Brothers Overland Stage Company" who were from French Lick, IN. Out in the hallway, was a smallish man tuning up and playing some wonderful licks on a mandolin. We had marvelous conversation and went for coffee and talked some more, all the while the band was waiting for him to come up and do a guest performance! That was the night I first met Jethro Burns and he was a very warm and funny man...I'll never forget him.

Subject: Lyr Add: WATERLOO (parody from Homer and Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 20 Jul 05 - 11:01 PM

From The Record Lady's All-Time Country Favorites, Requests Page 13.

(The Record Lady also has the original-Stonewall Jackson's WATERLOO-at Real Country Page 2.)

WATERLOO
As sung by Homer and Jethro

What are you-oo gonna do-oo?

Now once a feller by the name of Jimmy Payne
Took a shotgun and blowed out all his brains.
Got a job where he needs no brains, of course.
He's a flatfoot on the local pólice force.

Waterloo, Waterloo,
Where will you meet your Waterloo?
He walks his beat unafraid
As long as it's downgrade.
Ever'body has to meet his Waterloo.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rode the trail,
Catching outlaws an' puttin' them in jail,
But the Ranger shot ol' Tonto 'cause it seems
He found out what kemo-sabe means.

Waterloo, Waterloo,
Where will you meet your Waterloo?
Oh, the ranger he did trust,
Then ol' Tonto bit the dust.
Ever'body has to meet his Waterloo.

Uncle Hobe the other day was found
In a barrel of moonshine where he drowned,
And they'll lay him in his last restin' place
Soon as they can wipe the smile off his face.

Waterloo, Waterloo,
Where will you meet your Waterloo?
Pore ol' Hobert had to goof (?)
And he wound up a hundred proof.
Ever'body has to meet his Waterloo.
Ever'body has to meet his Water-(He had to meet his H-2-O)-loo.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Kaleea
Date: 20 Jul 05 - 11:12 PM

I love the Music of Homer & Jethro! So much so, that a wonderful 'Catter once sent me a copy of my lost fav recording of the dynamic parody duo, which I still listen to. I still perform some of the old H & J songs at nursing homes, where there are big laughs. Especially the billboard song. I use some of the older than "Granpa Jones & Minnie Pearl's corns" jokes, too.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,fuzzballz
Date: 02 Aug 05 - 11:08 PM

Does anyone have the lyrics to Funny Farm on the Fractured Folksongs album? or know where I can aquire it? The country music lady's site has been shut down.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 29 Oct 05 - 10:42 PM

refresh

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Dallas Reed
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 11:49 PM

Hi if you haven't found the last versr of Pore Ol' Koo-liger it goes Like this

Now When he sings Peter Cotton Tail The Rabbit never cheers
He takes the cotton From his tail and stuffs it in his ears
Koo-liger
He sprayes his throat to help his voice each Day
But all it does is keep the fly's away

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 12:20 AM

That is the 5th verse of the 6 verses I have.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Dallas Reed
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 11:36 PM

If You have any other verses of Kooliger would you mind Sharing them? Thanks Dallas Reed

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 27 Nov 05 - 06:41 AM

I got all six verses by searching this site.

Subject: Lyr Add: HART BRAKE MOTEL (Homer & Jethro)
From: GUEST,Frank in Lubbock
Date: 20 Feb 06 - 09:03 AM

I agree with you on the great parody songs of Homer and Jethro. I also perform many of their songs and the older people just love the stuff. I have been doing Heartbreak Motel for years, but not sure I have the words just right. I will post them here and let me know if there are any corrections.

HART BRAKE MOTEL
Homer & Jethro

1. Down at the Hart Brake Motel, my room it was so small,
Ever' time I tried to smile, my teeth would touch the wall,
But I'm a-stayin' and a-payin'.
I ain't got room to change my mind.

2. I picked up my telephone. The manager said, "Hello."
He said, "What's eatin' you?" I said, "That's what I'd like to know,
An' I'm a-itchin', an' a-scratchin'.
I'm wearin' out my fingernails."

3. I walked up to the room clerk. He looked at me and said,
"You can have a room, but you will have to make your bed."
I said, "That's OK, buddy. I learned that from my ma."
Then he reached out and handed me a hammer and a saw.
And I'm a-nailin' and a-wailin'
Here at the Hart Brake Motel.

4. Here at the Hart Brake Motel, I got a room with bath.
Back home, I only had a room, and it just had a path.
This outside plumbin', it's unbecomin'.
It's really out of this world.

5. The waiter in the dinin' room, he filled my heart with cheer.
He said I would enjoy it 'cause I could eat dirt cheap here,
And he was so right. That was my last night,
And now I'm checkin' out of here.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Bernie
Date: 20 Feb 06 - 01:02 PM

There's currently a link on the main page of "Mandolin Cafe";a live clip from an old tv show.....one of their well-known parodies,which also gives us a taste of what great musicians they were.....much has been made of Jethro[and rightly so],but watch Homer's effortless guitar playing.......

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro "I'm My Own Grandpa''
From: GUEST,Davilance
Date: 25 Feb 07 - 11:49 AM

We used to have a 78 RPM record of "I'm My Own Grandpa'' from the 1940s with Jerry Lewis singing it.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Joe Wills
Date: 16 Apr 07 - 03:19 PM

Anyone have the Homer & Jethro Lyrics to "SIXTEEN TONS"?
Please reply to [e-mail].

Thanks!

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Apr 07 - 05:13 PM

Joe Wills....please check back HERE to see if there are answers. Many do not wish to email unknown persons,

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Stephen L. Rich
Date: 16 Apr 07 - 11:06 PM

I am My Own grandpa was done by Lonzo and Oscar

Subject: Lyr Add: JAM-BOWL-LIAR (Homer & Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 30 Jul 07 - 06:54 PM

JAM-BOWL-LIAR, is, of course, a parody of Hank Williams' JAMBALYA..

Homer & Jethro's recording appears on their album "America's Song Butchers: The Weird World of Homer & Jethro," Razor & Tie CD #2130, 1997.

It's also on YouTube, which is where I heard theses lyrics:

JAM-BOWL-LIAR
As sung by Homer & Jethro

Goodbye, ma'am. We gotta scram down the highway.
Stick out your thumb, you son-of-a-gun. Goin' my way?
I got a ride with a guy in a wagon,
In a sack in the back that he was a-draggin'.
Jam-bowl-liar, shoo-fly pie, an' bananner puddin',
'Cause tonight I'm a-gonna see ol' Sally Goodin.
Danced all night; on my feet wore a blister.
Had to sidetrack her nose when I kissed her.

On the couch side by side we was settin',
And just about the time we started a-pettin',
Some big hick throwed a brick through the winder,
Hit her side, hurt her pride, broke my finger.
Jam-bowl-liar, horse-meat pie on a push-cart,
Flipped my lid, always did love that red heart
It was rough. The meat was tough. I chewed it slow.
Almost choked when some bloke hollered "Whoa!"

Jam-bowl-liar an' a pizza pie an' a bowl o' soup beans,
Spotted ham and a can o' choc'late-coated sardines.
When we sing, it sounds just like a cat-and-dog fight,
But we don't sing for money, just for spi-ite.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,glenn
Date: 16 Sep 07 - 10:35 AM

this is from very old and tattered memory.

'wanted' lampooned the sappy perry como song of the same name and was the 'b' side to 'hernando's hide-away'.

i've asked my son -- who performed it with a buddy at a high school gala of some sort not all that long ago -- if he can help resurrect it.


wanted

wanted - the girl i trusted - who took my money and stole my car
wanted - the girl . . . and left me - mad as farr.

i can laugh now 'cause it didn't hurt a bit - the car was stolen and the money's counterfeit.
she's wanted by all the po-lice - they'll never catch her un-a-werr
because she'll lead them into the round house - and they'll ne-ver corner her therr.

[mandolin interlude]

she was last seen in her-nando's hideaway - she was wearin' one of benny's old toupees.
a jury will find her guilty, and as i see it, there ain't no hope
when she was bo-rrn her dear old mother - shoulda been arrested for smug-a-lin' dope.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Peace
Date: 16 Sep 07 - 12:38 PM

"I cocked an eye at her, she cocked an eye at me and we sat there as cock-eyed as could be."

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,glenn
Date: 16 Sep 07 - 09:29 PM

Heard back from my son, and this is pretty close to right:

WANTED

Wanted - the girl I trusted - who took my money and stole my car.
Wanted - the girl I trusted - who left me stranded - and mad as farr.

I can laugh now 'cause it didn't hurt a bit - the car was stolen and the money's counterfeit.
She’s wanted by all the po-lice - they'll never catch her un-a-werr
Because she'll lead them into the roundhouse - and they'll never corner her there.

[Mandolin interlude]

She was last seen in Hernando's hideaway - she was wearin' one of Benny’s old toupees.
A jury will find her guilty, and as I see it, there ain't no hope.
When she was born her dear old mother - should been arrested for smug-a-lin' dope.


(Incidentally, several words are spelled here like they were pronounced on the recording.)

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,"Sixteen Tons" Lyrics
Date: 30 Sep 07 - 12:47 AM

Some people say a man is made outta dirt
Bow-legged britches and a humpbacked shirt
Ev'ry man has his woman to make him tick
But only the miner has his pick

You load sixteen tons, how do you feel?
Too tired to work, too scared to steal.
Saint Peter, don't you holler for me today
'Cause I'm a-diggin' the other way

Uncle John was a miner, he was long and tall.
Chasin' after women made him end it all.
He could never catch 'em, though he tried,
So old Uncle John laid down and died

(Abbreviated chorus, just repeating the words "Sixteen tons", with sound effects)

I was born one mornin' when the sun didn't shine
I remember my mama was a-gone at the time
The doctor looked down, and he said, "Oh, my!
I wonder whether he's gonna walk or fly."

(Same abbreviated chorus. with sound effects)

Well, I've shoveled this coal 'til my back is bent.
My get-up-and-go has got up and went.
My wife ran away with my friend Jim.
I don't miss her but I do miss him.

You load sixteen tons, what do you get?
Slag in your pants and soaked with sweat.
Tennessee Ernie done made this song
But the pea-picker sung the words all wrong.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro ("He'll Have to Go" Lyrics)
From: GUEST
Date: 30 Sep 07 - 01:04 AM

(Starts with phone ringing during the musical intro, and a woman answering with a nasal voice, "Hello?")

Put your big mouth a little closer to the phone
Don't you try to tell me that you're all alone
You only go out with your friends, you told me so
But you don't have no enemies, you'll have to go

(Woman says, "Hello?" again between verses)

The tomcat said, when he kissed the skunk, "Though it's been grand,
I've enjoyed all of this that I can stand."
You said you'd stick with me through thick and thin, I know
But the longer you stick, the thinner I get. You'll have to go.

(Woman says "HEL-LO", accenting both syllables)

When your mother came to visit us,
She would knock, then knock again
You and me would always have a fuss,
'Cause I would not let her in

Oh, put your fat mouth a little closer to the phone
Don't you try to tell me that you're all alone
The man with you must be a Navy man, I know
And you can tell him the coast is clear now, you'll have to go.

(Woman's voice repeating "Hello? Hello?" as record fades)

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Amos
Date: 30 Sep 07 - 09:18 AM

The "Nashville Katz" song mentioned above was not H&J, I believe -- it was on the flip side of another Yiddish parody called " I Got a Goil, her Name is SHoily Klein".

Lyrics from memory below.


A



NASHVILLE KATZ


Nashville Katz!
He runs a kosher deliii!
Nashville Katz!
It's the only one in town!
Nashville Katz!
It's not like yer in Brooklyn!
Nashville Katz!
He's the only one around!

We;;, there are fourteen hundred and fifty three different restaurants in Nashville,
Where you can get anything from hominy grits to Chatex de Tournville.
But there's only one place for a good Jewish boy, if he really wants to eat well,
Just tell anybody to take you to Katz' -- the kosher deli in Nashville!


Nashville Katz!
He runs a kosher deliii.
Nashville Katz!
It's the only one in town.
Nashville Katz!
It's not like yer in Brooklyn!
Nashville Katz!
He's the only one around!

(This is followed by a klezmer riff fading with a rabbinical voice chanting "Hai, ducka ducka ducka, Hai! ducka ducka duca..." fade.)

Subject: Lyr Add: THE HILLBILLY HIPPIE AND MARIJANE
From: GUEST,Gene
Date: 11 Nov 07 - 06:53 PM

Ran across some 25-30 year old cassette tapes and found this jewel.

It is not on any of the many H&J LPs/CAs I have and since it has a slight mis-speak goof in it...suspect it was from a live show...


THE HILLBILLY HIPPIE AND MARIJANE
Homer & Jethro

Way down south in New Orleans
Walkin' down Bourbon Street
Saw a country cat, he wore no hat
No shoes upon his feet

As he walked along, he's puttin' ever'body on
With a pseudo southern drawl
He'd bum a dime and then he'd whine
Merci beaucoup, you all

He was a real gone turned on hillbilly hippie
And he flew jist like a plane
He could go like a jet when he smoked cigarettes
That the hippies call marijane

Well he called for his pipe and he took a puff
He took off on a trip
Didn't need a train, didn't need a plane
He could sail without a ship

And soon he'd be in Tennessee
Hong Kong and old Baghdad
He'd take a whirl around the world
And never leave his pad

He was a real gone turned on hillbilly hippie
And he flew jist like a plane
He could go like a jet when he'd smoke a cigarette
That the hippies call marijane

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,TChappell
Date: 18 Dec 07 - 12:35 PM

Home with a sick child today and found this wonderful site, have to contribute two of my favorites from H&J Go West.

"Down in the Alley" (to the tune of "Down in the Valley")

Down in the alley,
in back of a bar,
at Honest John's car lot,
I bought my first car.

She's got eight cylinders,
and that's no bunk.
four in the motor
and four in the trunk.

Twenty miles to the gallon
I get it with her.
Of course I mean waa-ter
in the ra-dee-ay-ter.

Ninety miles in a hour
she does it with ease.
Cause I'm using whisky
instead of antifreeze.

Went through a toll booth
faster than I planned
Now they've got my quarter
and also my hand.

When we pass a junkyard
her steering wheel bends.
She wants to go in there
and be with her friends.

Down in the alley,
in back of a bar,
at Honest John's car lot...
I bought my LAST car.

And their great parody of "Get Along Little Dogies".

As I was out walking one morning for pleasure,
I spied a cab driver a whizzing along.
His flag was up and his meter was a runnin,
as he run me down he was a singing this song.

Chorus
Whoop ee ti yi yo-oo, look out little people
it's your misfortune and none of my own.
My horn won't blow and my brakes ain't a workin,
you know the hospital will be your next home.

I started to jaywalk and that's when he hit me.
Straight up in the air like a rocket I went.
And when I came down they gave me a ticket
fer leavin' the scene of the accident.

Repeat Chorus

As I was out driving my Edsel one morning,
my Collier's magazine there on the seat.
My Nixon stickers were stuck on the bumper,
I was goin the wrong way on a one way street.

Whoop ee ti yi oo-oo, I hit a police car,
They took my Edsel and towed it away.
The judge looked down as he tore up my license
and said, " Well sonny...
(spoken) This just ain't been your day!"

Whoop ee ti yi oo oo.

Grew up listening to these old record of my Mom's and they will probably be some of the last things I ever forget. (much to my wife's dismay!)

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 08 Jul 08 - 12:53 PM

See MAMA FROM THE TRAIN (A KISS, A KISS) for the Patti Page original and the Homer & Jethro parody.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 27 Jul 08 - 11:43 PM

I posted CRAZY MIXED UP SONG in another thread. The chorus starts: "Be kind to your web-footed friends."

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 28 Jul 08 - 12:21 AM

See ON A SLOW BOAT TO CHINA for the original and the parody.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 28 Jul 08 - 01:11 AM

See WANTED for the Perry Como original and the Homer & Jethro parody.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,glenn
Date: 12 Nov 08 - 11:56 PM

[this is a great site. thanks to the folks who make it happen]

good ol' youtube:

wanted

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,glenn
Date: 13 Nov 08 - 12:00 AM

wow. i should read the most recent post before i write.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: skarpi
Date: 18 Dec 08 - 06:09 PM

hallo all , I am always last to find good music ,
is there some one who has the lyric of the song

" I´ve got tears in my ears when I am layin on my bed "

Homer and Jethro sang this song , I got the song in audio.

well all , this is a tresure for me to find something like this
now I have something to do over the holydays :>))

All the best Skarpi Iceland

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Jim
Date: 07 Mar 09 - 07:39 PM

Anybody remember a H&J parody of Bobby Goldsboro's "Honey" called "Sugar"? I'm not sure it was H&J....after all, it was the 60s.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,jimjo
Date: 24 May 09 - 03:13 AM

ALL THIS TIME I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT KNEW ABOUT THESE GUYS GLAD TO SEE THERE ARE STILL SOME "SANE" FOLK AROUND. WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO GUYS LIKE THAT HAS EVERYONE LOST THEIR SENSE OF HUMOR? I SURE HOPE NOT!



I'LL BE BACK FOR SURE.

Subject: Lyr Add: A SCREWBALL'S LOVE SONG (Homer & Je
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 01 Jun 09 - 10:39 PM

This seems to be an original song, not a parody. The lyrics and songwriting credit below were transcribed by me from a YouTube video made from a 45-rpm record.

I have included some patter from a different video at YouTube, taken from The Old American Barn Dance Show in 1953:


A SCREWBALL'S LOVE SONG
Written by Boudleaux Bryant
As recorded by Homer and Jethro (RCA Victor 5099)

SPOKEN (Homer): Well, thank you. Thank you a lot for your sympathy. We just know two songs an' we always sing one of 'em first, so we'd like to do the other'n right now. We're gonna do one here called "I Miss My Wife's Cookin'—Whenever I Can."

1: Achin' hearts an' breakin hearts
An' lonely sad forsaken hearts
Have made all love songs sound the same to me,
But such corny lines, my dear,
Won't be whispered in your ear
When I croon my brand-new love song tenderly:

CHORUS: Oh, my lungs are plumb collapsin' over you,
An' I'm a-gittin' me a stomach ulcer, too.
If you ever treat me mean,
It is sure to bust my spleen,
An' my blood veins would be miserable, too.
When you smile, it fills my tonsils full o' joy.
Please don't use my adenoids for just a toy.
I'm in love from A to Izzard,
So don't trifle with my gizzard,
'Cause I've gone and lost my liver, dear, to you.

SPOKEN (Homer): Ah, come in now, Jethro.

SPOKEN (Jethro): We call this second part of this song "Git Out o' the Barn, Gran'ma. You're Too Old to Be Horsin' Around."

2: I hear silent love calls
When I gaze into your eyeballs.
My eardrums beat for you alone, it's true.
I love the way you giggle,
An' can make your little ears wiggle,
And no one else pops bubble gum like you.

CHORUS 2: I've got chronic indigestion over you,
'Cause I'm wond'rin if your fickle liver's true.
If you ever go away,
I'll have hiccups ever' day,
And my lonely sad appendix will be blue.
When you clobber me with your two lips of fire,
I can feel my toenails curlin' with desire.
All the geese on my goose pimples
Honk and quack about your dimples.
Baby doll, with all my gizzard, I love you.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 02 Jun 09 - 10:55 AM

I just posted RANDOLPH THE FLAT-NOSED REINDEER in the Christmas parodies thread.

Subject: Lyr Add: HOUN' DAWG (Homer and Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 21 Sep 09 - 01:25 PM

HOUN' DAWG
Homer & Jethro

You're a puny little hound dog. You ain't very stout. (2x)
Well, you look like an Airedale with the air let out.

Well, you said you was high-class, that you had a pedigree. (2x)
You ain't nothin' but a mongrel an' you got a million fleas.

Well, they said you was a bird-dog but you look like a goat. (2x)
But you couldn't be a bird-dog. You ain't never sung a note.

Now once I had a hound-dog, an' 'er name was Kim. (2x)
She ain't never had a puppy so I got rid o' him.

*
For comparison:
HOUND DOG - Big Mama Thornton's version
HOUND DOG - Elvis Presley's version

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 21 Sep 09 - 03:17 PM

I just posted Homer & Jethro's THE NITE AFTER CHRISTMAS in the thread Lyr Add: A Visit from St. Nicholas (Clement Moore)—so that the parody can be near its original, naturally!

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 10:52 AM

Can anybody help me with the first line of "You Belong To Me" by Homer and Jethro. I sounds like "Bring me pot balls in a paper bowl".

Subject: Lyr Add: HEY SCHMO - parody of HEY JOE
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 07 Jan 10 - 12:37 PM

The original for this one is HEY JOE, written by Boudleaux Bryant, and a hit record by Carl Smith in 1953. The lyrics are posted here.

You can hear the parody at http://78records.cdbpdx.com/ (Follow the instructions on that page to get to the "main music page.")


HEY SCHMO
As sung by Homer and Jethro, RCA Victor 20-5555

Hey, schmo!
Where'd you get this golly-whopper?
Where'd you get this gravy-sopper?
Since we met she really cooked my goose.
Hey, schmo!
When we dance and I enfold her,
Don't need you to help me hold her.
Come on, schmo, and help me turn her loose.
Now listen, schmo.
She's gotta go,
With her hair that's hangin' down her back so low.
It's a-hangin' down her back, I said,
But there ain't none a-growin' on her head.
Wish I was dead.
Hey, schmo!
Buddies we have always been,
But gang-a-rene has done set in,
So take her back and dig some other place.

Now listen, schmo:
I'm a-tellin' you
That you'd better come and get her P.D.Q.
She has got a purty figger,
But her face is just like Trigger.
That's the proof
Somebody goofed.
Hey, schmo!
I just want to get the facts.
Where'd you get this battle-axe?
I don't want her and I never will.
Give this soupy-snapper back to Eddie Hill.


[I have a couple of questions: Where'd they come up with the expression "soupy-snapper"? (Did I transcribe it correctly?) Who is/was Eddie Hill?]

Subject: Lyr Add: YOU EWE U - parody of YOU YOU YOU
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 07 Jan 10 - 01:41 PM

The original of this is YOU, YOU, YOU, written by Robert Mellín and Lotar Olias, and recorded by the Ames Brothers, RCA Victor 20-5325, 1953. Lyrics are posted here. (There are other songs with the same title.)

Homer & Jethro's parody can be heard at http://78records.cdbpdx.com/. (Follow instructions on that page to get to the "main music page.")


YOU, EWE, U
(As sung by Homer and Jethro, RCA Victor 20-5555)

I took a walk in the country, and as I wandered along,
I heard the strangest music. A sheep was singin' this song:

You, you, you,
I'm in love with you, you, you.
Your eyeballs are so blue, blue, blue,
You wooly booger you, you, you.

Then she said:
"You're nothin' but a muttonhead."
So he answered with a grin:
"Will you be my lanolin?"

He follered her over the mountains to see what he could learn,
But she disappeared in the bushes. He didn't see that U-turn.

You, you, you
Got me in a stew, stew, stew.
I could be so true, true, true
To a ewe like you, you, you.

Then he went and killed hisself because he was so blue.
He heard the radio playin' "There'll Never Be another Ewe."

So don't chase girls.
Don't be taken by their curls.
Remember this could happen to
Anyone like you — and you — and you-all.

Baa-aa-aa!

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Arkie
Date: 07 Jan 10 - 05:45 PM

Eddie Hill was a country entertainer but I think he may have been best known as a Nashville D.J. and radio personality. He may have had a country TV show in the early days of television. My memory pulls up a vague picture of him which may have been from blurbs in country magazines of the 1950s or early 60s. Seems like he may have been one of the first DJs elected to the Country Music Hall of Fame, but I am not sure about that.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: beeliner
Date: 08 Jan 10 - 11:42 AM

Some of H&J's parodies had B-sides that were instrumental medleys or non-satirical country music standards. Wonderful!

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: KF Raizor
Date: 10 Jan 10 - 09:51 PM

It should be noted that the song that's on YouTube mis-identified as "I'm Missing My Wife's Cooking" is actually titled "A Screwball's Love Song." It was written by Boudleaux Bryant.

Eddie Hill was a country music disc jockey and songwriter (song STEALER according to Charlie Louvin: he claimed 1/3 credit for the first Louvin Brothers song recorded, "Alabama," although he had nothing to do with it other than promoting it to a publisher. Ira and Charlie went along with it because "we thought that's how things were done back then."). He was elected to the Disc Jockey Hall of Fame its inaugural year (1975) (note: this is NOT the Country Music Hall of Fame, the one that H&J are in, Eddie Hill is not in "the big hall").

I'm writing a book on Homer & Jethro and one of the appendices will be a list of people mentioned in their songs, since a number of them (e.g., Van Cliburn or Roger Williams [both referenced in "Please Help Me I'm Falling"]) have long faded from public knowledge. I've found a number of inside jokes in their songs as well, and they will be listed. My favorite is the "for our 19th anniversary" remark in "Red Roses for a Blue Lady" (which was recorded in 1965, the year of Jethro's 19th wedding anniversary!).

Subject: Lyr Add: A SCREWBALL'S LOVE SONG (Homer & Jethro)
From: KF Raizor
Date: 11 Jan 10 - 05:38 PM

Since there is a different second chorus in the recorded version of "A Screwball's Love Song" (as opposed to the live version on You Tube from the Old Radio Barn Dance), here are the lyrics:

Achin' hearts, breakin' hearts, lonely sad forsaken hearts
Have made all love songs sound the same to me
But such corny lines my dear won't be whispered in your ear
When I croon my brand new love song tenderly

Oh my lungs are plumb collapsing over you
And I'm gettin' me a stomach ulcer too
If you ever treat me mean it is sure to bust my spleen
And my blood veins would be miserable too
When you smile it fills my tonsils full of joy
Please don't use my adenoids for just a toy
I'm in love from A to izzard so don't trifle with my gizzard
'Cause I've gone and lost my liver dear to you

(instrumental break)

I hear silent love calls when I gaze into your eyeballs
My eardrums beat for you alone it's true
I love the way you giggle and can make your little ears wiggle
And no one else pops bubble gum like you (popping sound)

I've got chronic indigestion over you
'Cause I'm wonderin' if your fickle liver's true
If you ever go away I'll have hiccups every day
And my lonely sad appendix will be blue
When you clobber me with your two lips of fire
I can feel my toenails curling with desire
All the geese on my goose pimples honk and quack about your dimples
Baby doll with all my gizzard I love you

Written by Boudleaux Bryant
Released as a single, December 1952

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Steve Harper
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 07:20 PM

You may be interested in my internet radio show at WePlayItForLaughs.com. If there is a parody of "Honey", called "Sugar" (by H&J or anyone else) and I find it, it will be on the show this week. Check out the history of the show at the website and you'll see some the influence the boys had.

Subject: Lyr Add: BIG BAD JOHN (parody by Homer & Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 25 Jan 10 - 01:03 PM

The original of this is in the DT: BIG BAD JOHN by Jimmy Dean.

The following parody is from a recording found here. The recording seems to be from a live show of some kind. I don't know whether the song was ever released on an album.


BIG BAD JOHN (parody)
As sung by Homer & Jethro

He arrived ever' morning at the beauty shop
In a pink sports car with a chartreuse top,
Kind o' narrow at the shoulder an' wide at the seat,
An' ever'body knew they was somethin' mighty sweet
About John.

Somebody said he came from out in L. A.
An' he had a little trouble an' he had to run away
An' a smashing blow from his mighty purse
Got a California feller a ride in a hearse,
Big John.

Then came a day in forty-four
When John says, "Boys, I'm off to war.
I'll join the WACS and I'll serve Aunt Sam."
But John couldn't pass the physical exam,
Big John.

Accordin' to the girls at the beauty salon,
They's one good thing about big bad John:
Whether it's Bruce or Pat or Mike,
He never met a man that he didn't like.

Big bad John.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 01:23 PM

I posted Buddy Starcher's HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF and Homer & Jethro's parody GREAT MEN REPEAT THEMSELVES in the thread Lyr Req: Coincidence? / History Repeats Itself.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 31 Jan 10 - 08:24 AM

I posted Homer & Jethro's parody of Frank Loesser's A BUSHEL AND A PECK in this thread: Lyr Req: A Bushel and a Peck (Frank Loesser).

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 31 Jan 10 - 08:51 AM

I posted lyrics to Homer & Jethro's parody of Frank Loesser's HAVE I STAYED AWAY TOO LONG in this thread: Lyr Req: Have I Stayed Away Too Long? (F Loesser).

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 01 Feb 10 - 05:14 PM

I posted the original song ONCE IN LOVE WITH AMY by Frank Loesser, followed by Homer & Jethro's parody, in this thread: Lyr Add: Once in Love with Amy (Frank Loesser).

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Morris Meyer
Date: 13 Feb 10 - 02:32 AM

Does anyone have the words to H&J's song Will You Love Me When from their album Songs Mother Never Sang?

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,thos49
Date: 15 Apr 10 - 12:27 AM

I recall a H&J parody of Mr. Sandman. The only line I recall is "Mr. Sandman, take back your dream. The biggest nightmare that I've ever seen. Crackers in bed, she eats like a rabbit. And Mr. Sandman, it's a crumby habit." Does anyone have any more of these lyrics?

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Jeff
Date: 17 Jul 10 - 08:52 PM

I'm looking for a Homer and Jethro song that has the following line in it:

"She rolled her big, blue eyeballs at me
I picked 'em up and rolled 'em back."

Any ideas?
Thanks

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Jim Stripling
Date: 22 Jul 10 - 10:16 AM

According to a 1953 Time Magazine article on H&J, the line is, "Bring me pawpaws in a paper poke". Here's a link to the article:
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,822838,00.html

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,musicman
Date: 07 Dec 10 - 07:26 AM

Here's your lyrics to Homer and Jethro "You Belong to Me"

Does anyone have lyrics for Homer and Jethro "Love and Marriage"?



You Belong to Me

Send me paw paws in a paper poke
Send me money honey when I'm broke
Make your will out to me when you croak
You belong to me

Eat some garlic and I'll love you still
Cause I love you and I always will
That's why they discovered chlorophyll
You belong to me

My poor heart would burn without you
Maybe you'll get heartburn too (it's true)

Cruise the ocean in our motor boat
Climb the mountains like two billy goats
Just be careful where you sew your oats
You belong to me

She rolled those big blue eyes at me
I picked em up and rolled em back

I hate the day I saw the pyramids
That's the day my heart went on the skids
Now I've got a wife and 13 kids
They belong to me

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Philmo
Date: 06 Jan 11 - 02:11 PM

Hi, everyone. I'm trying to identify a song that Homer and Jethro played on the LP "Homer And Jethro At The Country Club". It was an instrumental solo played on the mandolin in the middle of Sixteen Tons. I didn't even know it was part of a different song until I heard that other song at a doctors office the other day. Do any of you know what song it might be?

Thanks!
Philmo

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,pjd516
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 04:05 PM

Re: Waterloo-------about the verse for JImmy Payne:
"He walks his beat unafraid
as long as it's downgrade,

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Bernie
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 07:43 PM

Love them.....high point of our youth;several of us
would memorize some and serenade each other in the
schoolyard,laughing like idiots [ maybe we were/are ]
...their two "straight" lp's of jazz instrumentals,
"playin'it straight" and "It aint necesarily square"
are now available together on one CD,if you scan the
net for better music sources [ Amazon,Elderly,etc ]..
Best show I ever saw was at the Mariposa festival back
in the early eighties[I think]....Jethro and Steve Goodman
did a set,when they finished they found they had to fill
another half hour...they called up the great Canadian folk
player "Valdy",put a Fender electric bass on his neck,and
they just went nuts riffing off each other...the ovation went
on forever,it seemed....

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: parodies sung by Homer and Jethro
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 01:07 PM

Today I posted lyrics to the following Homer & Jethro parodies in other threads:

SETTIN' THE WOODS ON FIRE

SIXTEEN TONS

Subject: Lyr Add: I WANT TO HOLD YOUR HAND (Homer & Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 11:30 AM

I heard this one on Spotify, too:


I WANT TO HOLD YOUR HAND
As sung by Homer & Jethro on "The Very Best Of" (2010)

Oh, yeah, I told 'er some'n' I thought she'd understand,
But when I said that some'n', I had to hold her hands.
I had to hold her hands. I had to hold her hands.

When I tried to kiss her, she bit me on the chin.
As I held her hands, she kicked me on the shin.
She kicked me the shi-i-in. She kicked me on the shin.

It only hurts internally. –Whur? –Inside.
Them surplus GI shoes she wears skint my hide,
Skint my hide, skint my hide. Whoo!

When I hold her hands, I never have to worry.
I don't like to hold them, but it is necessary.
But it is necessar-ery, but it is necessary.

I touched her arms and they felt hairy. –Whur? –Outside.
I cain't help feelin' that I touched a cow's hide,
A cow's hide. –A cow's hide?
–Yeah, hide, hide, a cow's outside.
–Well, bring the old heifer* in, before she gets milked!

That sump'n electrifies me, I hope you understand.
If you electrocute me, I want to hold your hands.
I want to hold your ha-a-ands. I want to hold your hands.
I want to hold your ha-a-a-a-a-a-ands.


* I am amazed that H&J made this mistake. It's the kind of mistake you'd expect a city slicker to make, and therefore it almost ruins their credibility as country folks. But heck, they'd been professional musicians most of their lives, and probably never been around cows very much, so I forgive them.

You can't milk a heifer. A heifer is a cow that hasn't yet had a calf, and therefore can't give milk. In fact, a heifer isn't usually called a cow, although it's definitely a female of the cattle species—it's just called a heifer.

Subject: Lyr Add: FRIEDA ON THE FREEWAY (Homer and Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 12:25 PM

If this is a parody, I don't recognize the original. Any ideas? I made this transcription from a recording on Spotify:


FRIEDA ON THE FREEWAY
As sung by Homer & Jethro on "The Very Best Of" (2010)

SPOKEN: Frieda 'n' me was to marry, but that's all in the past.
I thought she was follerin' close behind, but I guess I driv' too fast.

CHORUS: I lost Frieda on the freeway; now she'll never be my bride.
I saw her twice today, goin' the other way, had a look of panic in her eye.

She drove all the way from Texas, and I met her at the edge of town.
I was gonna lead her here to our new home that I'd gotten for nothin' down.

We were drivin' along so happy; then it happened right before my eyes.
She pulled up beside to throw me a kiss when the lane she was in turned right. CHORUS

If I live to be a hundred, I'll remember her look of surprise.
As she disappeared quickly down the ramp and slowly she waved goodbye.

I ride all day on the freeway, and I'll wave when Frieda goes by
There's never been such a driving bug since the very beginning of time. CHORUS

Subject: Lyr Add: OH, TOP FORTY (parody of OH SUSANNA)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 09:44 PM

OH, TOP FORTY
(Tune: Oh, Susanna)
As sung by Homer & Jethro

I come from Nashville, Tennessee, a guitar on my knee.
I just made a record and a millionaire I'll be.

Oh, top forty, you better make room for me.
I just made a record and a millionaire I'll be.

Oh, I sing like Elvis Presley; I'm bound to be a hit,
But I kind o' look like Frankenstein, an' that may hurt a bit.

They're pressin' all the records out o' buckwheat flour, I've learned.
That's in case o' things go wrong, we can eat all the returns.

Oh, top forty, you better make room for me.
I just made a record; I'm in showbiz, yessirree.

A guy just bought a thousand; I was proud to....(?)
He's usin' them for targets in his shootin' galleree.

But it's goin' great in Fairbanks, in Alaska where it snows.
We've only sold five records there, but I'm big with the Eskimos.

Oh, they sell my records in the supermarkets, next to the canned beef stew.
Mama can buy my records there, and she'll get some Green Stamps, too.

I saw my record in a jukebox, but somethin's wrong, no doubt.
I put in a dime to hear it, an' a ham sandwich came out.

Oh, top forty, you better make room for me.
I just made a record and a millionaire I'll be.

Subject: Lyr Add: SHE LOVES YOU (Homer & Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 10:29 PM

SHE LOVES YOU
As sung by Homer & Jethro

She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah.
She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah.
She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you think you've lost your love? Well, I think that's mighty fie-yine.
And now that she is gone, you can have this girl of my-yine
Because she loves you, and I just don't know what fer.
Yes, she loves you, and you know you're stuck with her.

She said her heart was mine, and I thought that it was true-oo,
But all the rest of her kep' a-goin' out with you-oo,
Because she loves you, and a dozen other guys,
'Cause you told her that it pays to advertise.

She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah.
She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah.
With a head like that, you know you should be say-ad.

Well, I hear'd you fixed her nose, but it's still the same old si-yize.
All you done was move it right betwixt her eye-yeyes.
She really loves you, and I shore ain't a-gonna grieve.
Yes, she loves you, and I thought she'd never leave.

She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah.
She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah.
With a love like that, you know you should be say-ad.
And with a love like that, you know you should be say-ad.
And with a tune like this, I'm glad that we are through.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: parodies sung by Homer and Jethro
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 07 Oct 11 - 01:18 AM

More H&J songs that I've posted recently in other threads:

OH, LONESOME ME

AT THE FLOP– parody of AT THE HOP

LOVE AND MARRIAGE

TENNESSEE, TENNESSEE – parody of A THOUSAND MILES FROM HERE

ARE YOU KISSING MORE NOW (BUT ENJOYING IT LESS)?

Subject: Lyr Add: COME HERE MY LITTLE WIFEY (Homer & Jethro
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 07 Oct 11 - 04:58 PM

This song can be heard at The Internet Archive (Click for an mp3.) Obviously, this is a version of OUR GOODMAN (Child No. 274) and H&J have not altered it much, beyond putting it in their vernacular.


COME HERE, MY LITTLE WIFEY
As sung by Homer & Jethro (and a female voice unknown to me)

The first night when I come home as drunk as I could be,
I found a horse in the stable where my horse orta be. [ought to]
Come here, my little wifey. Explain this thing to me.
How come a horse in the stable where my horse orta be?
"Oh, you fool, you crazy fool! Can't you never see?
It's nothin' but a milk cow my granny sent to me."
Well, I've looked this wide world over a thousand times or more,
But a saddle on a milk cow's back I never seen before.

The second night when I come home as drunk as I could be,
I found a coat on the coat-rack where my coat orta be.
Come here, my little wifey. Explain this thing to me.
Home come a coat a-hangin' on the rack where my coat orta be?
"Oh, you fool, you crazy fool! Can't you never see?
It's nothin' but a bed quilt my granny sent to me."
Well, I've looked this wide world over a thousand times or more,
But pockets on a bed quilt I never seen before.

The third night when I come home as drunk as I could be,
I found a head on the piller where my head orta be. [pillow]
Come here, my little wifey. Explain this thing to me.
How come a head on the piller where my head orta be?
"Oh, you fool, you crazy fool! Can't you never see?
It's nothin' but a cabbage head my granny sent to me."
Well, I've looked this wide world over a thousand times or more,
But a mustache on a cabbage head I've never seen before.

Subject: Lyr Add: MIDDLE AGED TEENAGER (Homer and Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 07 Oct 11 - 06:40 PM

If this is a parody, I don't know what the original is. The tune sounds like typical early rock 'n' roll.

My transcription from a file found at WFMU. (Click for an MP3.)


MIDDLE AGED TEENAGER
As sung by Homer & Jethro.

Well, on my way to the party I decided to go.
I picked up my date with a "Go, man, go!"
It turned out the party was a high-school dance
And I showed up in my zoot-suit pants
I was a middle aged – teenager,
A middle aged – rug cutter.
I'm gonna be hip, if my hip-a don't slip-a.

Well, the band warmed up. Soon the place was alive.
Well, I grabbed my partner and begin to jive.
All of a sudden, much to my surprise,
I started achin' all over and I realized
I was a middle aged – teenager,
A middle aged – jitter-bagger.
I bunny-hopped until my arches flopped.

Well, the dance went on till a quarter o' one.
I didn't feel so good, but I sure had fun.
I intended to have myself a ball for free,
Even though my back was a-killin' me.
I was a middle aged – teenager,
A middle aged – car stripper.
Well, I'm in shock because my roll won't rock.

I was a middle aged – teenager,
A middle aged – cotton picker.
Well, my back is bent. Pass that liniment.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE HOOTIN' HOLLER HILTON BAR AND GRILL
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 08 Oct 11 - 09:30 AM

If this is a parody, I don't know what the original is. I transcribed this from a file found at WFMU. (Click for an MP3.)


THE HOOTIN' HOLLER HILTON BAR AND GRILL
As sung by Homer & Jethro

There is gonna be a meetin' of our fan club in the phone booth
Of the Hootin' Holler Hilton Bar and Grill.
We are gonna cuss an' discuss ever'thing that is a-buggin' us:
The war, the bomb, the hippies, an' the pill.

Our financial secretary won't have any cause to worry.
RCA will pay the food an' liquor bill
When we have the annual meetin' of our fan club in the phone booth
Of the Hootin' Holler Hilton Bar and Grill.

And it's gonna be informal; you can wear just what you choose.
Girls can wear a topless if they're wearin' shoes.

We will give away door prizes; you may win yourself a door.
I wouldn't miss it for a thirty-dollar bill.
We will see you at the meetin' of our fan club in the phone booth
Of the Hootin' Holler Hilton Bar and Grill.

Oh, we plumb forgot to mention that the CMA convention
Won't be gettin' under way this year until
We are finished with the meetin' of our fan club in the phone booth
Of the Hootin' Holler Hilton Bar and Grill.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: parodies sung by Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Jam Bow Liar
Date: 13 Apr 12 - 03:42 PM

Jam Bow Liar
Good bye ma'am
We gotta scram
Down the highway
Stick out your thumb, you son of a gun
Going my way?
I got a ride
With a guy
In a wagon in a sack, in the back
He was draggin'

Jam Bow Liar
Shoo Fly Pie
Banana puddin'
For tonight I'm gonna see
Old Sally Goodwin
Danced all night
Oh my feet
Wore a blister
At the side of her nose
Where I kissed her

On the couch
Side by side
We were sittin'
And just about the time
We started petting
Something hit
throwed a brick
Through the winder
Hit her side
Hurt her pride
Broke my finger

Jam Bow Liar
Horsemeat Pie
On a pushcart
Flipped my lid
Always did
Loved that ?????????
It was rough
The meat was tough
Chewed it slow
Almost choked
When some bloke
Hollered "Whoa!"

Jambalaya pizza pie
And some beans
Spotted ham
And a can of chocolate coated sardines
When we sing
It sounds just like
A cat and dog fight
But we don't sing for money
Just for spite

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: parodies sung by Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,guest
Date: 11 Mar 14 - 02:51 AM

It is a polka....I have the music for it.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: parodies sung by Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Luv_my_music
Date: 05 Nov 15 - 04:43 PM

Please Help Me I'm Fallin' (Homer & Jethro version)


Please help me I'm crawlin'
She's done it again
Slammed the door on my fingers
When I tried to get in
She hauled off and kicked out
The last tooth I had
I wish she would quit it
Before I get mad

Instrumental Break

Go down to the river
Where the water is nice
Stick your head under three times
And pull it out twice
First you wanted to leave me
Then you wanted to stay
How the hell can i miss you
When you won't go away

Please help me I'm fallin'
Fer somebody new
Anything I wind up with
Will be better than you
Go have your face lifted
It needs it no doubt
Go to Peter Pan's beauty shop
Before your pan peters out

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: parodies sung by Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Luv_my_music
Date: 05 Nov 15 - 04:46 PM

Please Help Me I'm Fallin' (Homer & Jethro version)


Please help me I'm crawlin'
She's done it again
Slammed the door on my fingers
When I tried to get in
She hauled off and kicked out
The last tooth I had
I wish she would quit it
Before I get mad

Instrumental Break

Go down to the river
Where the water is nice
Stick your head under three times
And pull it out twice
First you wanted to leave me
Then you wanted to stay
How the hell can i miss you
When you won't go away

Please help me I'm fallin'
Fer somebody new
Anything I wind up with
Will be better than you
Go have your face lifted
It needs it no doubt
Go to Peter Pan's beauty shop
Before your pan peters out

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: parodies sung by Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,John's daughter
Date: 03 Feb 17 - 08:54 AM

My dad, John went around the house singing Homer and Jethro's songs when we were little kids. My siblings and I are trying to remember the song H & J sang that had something about a fat lady riding a bicycle down the shady lane. Can anyone help us out? Thanks so much!