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BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear
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Subject: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: GUEST,for obvious reasons Date: 15 Dec 00 - 02:11 PM so what do you do if it is not an occassional thing do others have this going on, too self-pleasure gets old p.s. this is not a flame it is a sincere desire, pardon the pun, to discuss the issue, anonymity guaranteed if one logs out |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: GUEST,ditto Date: 15 Dec 00 - 02:16 PM Might I suggest that SO get some exercise. A fit bod, gets fit all over. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: mousethief Date: 15 Dec 00 - 02:25 PM Could be a medical thing. Is SO willing to go to the doc for a chat? Also could be an attitude thing; GFOR might try working extra hard to do nice things for SO, make SO feel good, give lots of hugs and cuddles and other physical but non-sexual attention to SO. (This more likely to be the case if GFOR is male and SO is female) Just some thoughts. Alex |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Susan-Marie Date: 15 Dec 00 - 02:27 PM Your SO might want to get screened for depression. Very common problem, especially at this time of year (holiday/winter blues), low libido is one of the symptoms. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: GUEST,GFOR Date: 15 Dec 00 - 02:31 PM SO is mildly depressed, won't go to doctor i live the life of a nun in that respect have tried all the sweet serve-u things etc. no end in sight looking for ways to cope wondering if anyone else has/had this problem and what they did |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Peg Date: 15 Dec 00 - 02:32 PM Spend a bit of time apart...a weekend, a week or two if you can manage it. Absence makes the heart grow fonder... or, out of sight, out of mind? You decide...but in my experience having some space and time to one's self (which many people in committed relationships do not get enough of) helps make the partner seem that much more special for not being available at every moment... Also a medical check-up, some fresh air and exercise and some damiana tea wouldn't hurt... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: paddymac Date: 15 Dec 00 - 02:35 PM I just know there's gotta be a song in this somewhere. Some one (I apologize, but can't remember who it was) sang a song about "solo-sexuals" on one of the HearMe sing-songs a few months ago. I remember being absolutely without the wee-est dram that night and laughing so hard I cried. I tried a super-search every way I could think of, but couldn't find anything. I guess it's not in either the DT or any thread. Has anybody out there got the lyrics, or remember who it was that sang it? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: paddymac Date: 15 Dec 00 - 02:40 PM Hmm. I know that the problem can be a serious one, and I didn't mean, and don't wish, to belittle anyone struggling with the issue. But, I do believe that laughing at or collective selves can be a helpful thing. |
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Subject: Cold showers SUCK! From: Clinton Hammond2 Date: 15 Dec 00 - 03:12 PM Absence makes the heart grow fun-fur... Absenth makes the heart grow fungus... ;-) good luck eh! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Naemanson Date: 15 Dec 00 - 03:20 PM Been there, done that, got the T-shirt, and the heartbreak. This is not a problem one person can solve alone. It takes two to realize there is a problem. The exercise comment is good. Exercize is good for depression and libido. Sweet talking is good. But most importantly is just paying attention to each other. Do things together that are very low stress so you can concentrate on each other and how you feel. Talk of your feelings and ask about the SO's feelings. Don't try to wheedle. Don't push. Give SO plenty of time to formulate thoughts and consider answers. And rediscover romanticism. Eat by candlelight. Spend time with each other without the TV on. Read the Sunday paper all cuddled up together. Take a walk and hold hands. Play strip poker. Take a long drive with no real destination. Bathe together. Give each other back rubs. Basically just rediscover each other's bodies. Good Luck! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Gary T Date: 15 Dec 00 - 03:23 PM Counseling from a competent sex therapist may be helpful. If SO refuses to participate in that, going anyway (alone) might give you some insight and ideas on possible root causes and things to try to possibly improve the situation. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Mrrzy Date: 15 Dec 00 - 03:51 PM In my case, I let it go on for nearly 10 years as it got worse and worse, so that by the time I left it was maybe once a year and even then only if SO had had a lot of alcohol. It sucked. I finally left. Now at least I'm not getting any (coming up on 5 years of that, pun intended) BUT isn't as incredibly upsetting/depressing/unfulfilling as being married and still not getting any. Use the old Ann Landers test - are you better with SO and no sex or without both (at least for a while)? (Signed) Not anonymous this time but I don't blame you one bit! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Allan C. Date: 15 Dec 00 - 04:03 PM Naemanson's "Talk of your feelings and ask about the SO's feelings." coupled with Gary T's counseling advice sound especially good to me. To be blatant about it: Is is possible that this is SO's non-confrontational way of commenting on your technique? It is a common thing to have happen among couples. And before GFOR becomes totally offended, I should point out that technique is a two-way street. All too often one partner or the other (or both) neglet(s) to communicate needs, preferences, or even delights. If this is not the case, then perhaps it is time to consider the introduction of something new. I am a firm believer in "toys". While I, persnoally, am not into what some would consider to be the freakier stuff, I do think that some good, basic things like dildos and vibrators can be wonderful additions. I am fairly sure that most studies have shown that a good many men tend to "finish" long before women. This can result in her feeling unsatisfied and in his feeling inadequate. Making it known that the use of "toys" would be welcomed could change things dramatically. Prior discussion might not be completely necessary. Just handing your partner the appropriate "toy" (which might just magically appear at the right time) could say all that need be said. There are those, (he said, vaguely) who eventually begin to think of the "toys" as extensions of themselves. (It's a Zen thing). Note: Be sure to keep all toys VERY clean and to use proper lubrication where necessary. I hope this might be helpful, if not to GFOR, then perhaps to others. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Matt_R Date: 15 Dec 00 - 04:03 PM 5 years....try 22 years! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Midchuck Date: 15 Dec 00 - 04:07 PM Matt - I did. I enjoyed the second 25 years of my life a lot more than the first 25. Dinna dispair. Peter. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: mousethief Date: 15 Dec 00 - 04:18 PM In my experience, if one partner has "checked out" of contributing to the quality of the marriage, the marriage is for all intents and purposes over. With me it took about 2 years to go from my ex checking out emotionally to HER finally asking for a divorce (I was the bleary-eyed dreamer who kept thinking we could make it work; she went to counselling but insisted that it was my job to fix everything and that she had no responsibility to contribute to the success of our marriage). Hope it hasn't come to this in your case, GFOR. Good luck. ALex |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Mrrzy Date: 15 Dec 00 - 05:06 PM And good luck, I forgot to say. I like Allan C's advice - but in my case my (now) X2B took the idea as a terrible insult. Which it was not intended to be, it's just that if s/he's ALREADY feeling inadequate, which might be the source of the lower libido anyway, offering to extend their, um, abilities might not be the best approach... And to Matt etc, the first 25 years don't count anyway, you aren't supposed to be gettin' it regular yet... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Mooh Date: 15 Dec 00 - 05:28 PM ...subtitled, The Story Of My Life. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Bill D Date: 15 Dec 00 - 05:37 PM so many questions..how long has this been going on? How were things 'before'? Has it been discussed between you much, or is it a non-topic? What age is SO, and are meds involved..(I took an anti-depressant several years ago, and my libido dropped off the bottom of the scale..made me depressed...quit taking it..)...and there is BIG difference between 'no desire' and 'no desire FOR desire'.. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Allan C. Date: 15 Dec 00 - 05:49 PM Glad you brought that up, Bill. Yep, quite a long list of drugs have negative effects upon libido and even sensuality (- sometimes even if the desire is there, sensation seems to be diminished.) The both problems can be very difficult to surmount. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: mousethief Date: 15 Dec 00 - 05:55 PM Surmounting is just the problem -- GFOR can't get her sir to mount her. Sorry, couldn't resist, know this is serious. Alex. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: GUEST,Guest Date: 15 Dec 00 - 05:57 PM I have been in this situation for the past 8 years. It is not pleasant. Tried talking and it turned into the "I'm not getting enough" conversation. This gets very waring. So then we tried the counselling and non sensate touching,this should take about 6 weeks. Took us over 6 months because he wouldn't make the effort. Even did the wiring up the "bit" to see if it was working,aparently it was but not for me. I began to think there was something wrong with me. Its the complete lack of affection that is soul destroying. Going solo is fine but its not the same as making love with someone you care about. We are now trying to work out the best way to split up and keep it as amicable as possible. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: mousethief Date: 15 Dec 00 - 06:00 PM Much sympathy, Guest. It's no fun at all, but it may end up better afterwards. This is an awful lot like that song "My husband has no courage in him." Only in the song it's funny. In real life, it's all too painful. Hang in there, Guest. We're pulling for you. Alex |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: campfire Date: 15 Dec 00 - 06:33 PM So I'm not the only frustrated Mudcatter? No serious advice or I'd be doing it myself; right now I'm in the "waiting" stage. Just not sure if I'm waiting for "things" to get better, or for someone better to come along... campfire |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Little Neophyte Date: 15 Dec 00 - 06:37 PM GUEST,Guest I can relate to your story. When my husband and I were having intimacy problems I wanted to seek counseling. He felt I was the one with the problem and that we did not need counseling. This intimacy issue went on and on for too long. I knew we had serious problems and that my 'not in the mood' problem was just a symptom of long standing issues not addressed in our marriage. We finally went for counseling during our seperation but by that point it was clear we should proceed with a divorce. Had we gone for counseling earlier in our marriage, I am not sure if things would have worked out but I do think it would have been the wiser thing to do. Bonnie |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: NightWing Date: 15 Dec 00 - 06:41 PM NightWing hasn't had any in nearly 10 years, but that's because he hasn't had a Significant Other for that long. (And yes, his libido is STILL in high gear) *sigh* When a friend asks about it, I usually joke: "I've gone beyond hope and beyond desparation. I've reached resignation."
BB, P.S. It's not really a joke. *big sigh* |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: GUEST Date: 15 Dec 00 - 07:08 PM ...move to a different milk route... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: GUEST,GFOR Date: 15 Dec 00 - 10:00 PM Those were guests other than me You are all very kind, thank for your suggestions He smokes and drinks 2-3 beers per day There have been too many years of too high stress which may be changing soon Together over 21 years with near celibacy for near 13 of those - it has been better, that is what keeps me going and that we are together for more than just intimacy, in our good times we've known no bounds, no taboos, always open and communicative BillD made an important distinction - there being no desire FOR desire we talk or I cry and explain - he says he understands and will try - but the time never comes divorce is not an option nor a desire AllanC thank you for your forthrightness - I am beyond being interested in my dildo I guess I am at a maintain and resignation point and have been for a long time every few months it overwhelms and I get these feelings of refusing to accept that it has to be this way then despair and anger take over I do not feel I can write any more about it less I say too much Thank you very much
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Allan C. Date: 15 Dec 00 - 10:41 PM Whoever you are, GFOR, if you ever need someone to listen, write me a PM. I am a good listener. I have known similar frustrations and know that it can be important to talk them over with someone. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Allan C. Date: 15 Dec 00 - 10:45 PM P.S. You can do this by creating a new alias if you want to remain anonymous. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: mousethief Date: 15 Dec 00 - 10:56 PM GFOR, it looks like you have only 2 options, since your SO doesn't care to work on it: either (1) put up with it and continue the status quo indefinitely, or (2) leave. If leaving is completely out of the question, you're stuck with #1. Wish there was more to say. Alex |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Allan C. Date: 15 Dec 00 - 11:09 PM Actually there is at least one more option. That option is an extra-marital affair - not that I necessarily advocate such an activity. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Bill D Date: 15 Dec 00 - 11:21 PM it seems to me that if you are 'good friends' and otherwise happily married, then possibilities are open, even if they are not the best ones...but 13 out of 21 years is a lot to overcome in that area of a marriage. Stress and smoking & drinking can easily be root causes, but libido is a multi-faceted aspect of a person, based on genetics, personality, health, history, moral attitudes and several other things...no easy answer, as you already knew...,,,I suspect that, after awhile it is just easier for him to not try to add one more 'coping' to life...Some things depend on momentum and 'familiarity', and although no one really "forgets how", like riding a bike, it seems a bit scary to try after long layoffs.. I wish I had more ideas....just try to share and care about the things that you DO enjoy. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Allan C. Date: 15 Dec 00 - 11:28 PM Wow. Once again, you are so right, Bill - IMHO. The longer it has been since the last attempt, the more pressure (imagined or otherwise) is there to perform in a way that somehow makes up for the lapse. It can be an awesome thing to feel and can make avoidance appear as a more attractive option. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: GutBucketeer Date: 16 Dec 00 - 12:10 AM I am both glad (misery loves company), and sad to know that my life seems to be a mirror of so many others: Both in its problems and in trying to overcome them. Sometimes people forget that "happily ever after" requires work on both sides to make it happen. And sometimes it reequires a lot of work. It is extremely frustrating when it seems as if only one side cares enough to do the work! JAB |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: alison Date: 16 Dec 00 - 12:20 AM Paddymac.. the song you heard would probably have been SpiderTom singing "dancing solo"........ unfortunately we have no way of contacting him to get the lyrics...... but it was a great song..... just another medical thought... your SO isn't on blood pressure tablets by any chance? slainte alison |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: paddymac Date: 16 Dec 00 - 02:54 AM Alison, my one true cyber-love, you are right on target. You mentioned "SpiderTom" and the bells of familiarity and remembrance started ringing. Is there really no way to contact him? Such a sad reality. G(o/a)d, it was such a hillarious song. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: GUEST,GFOR Date: 16 Dec 00 - 05:37 AM No, no tablets of any kind long time ago he said it all had to do with money problems can money really control a person so completely thank you JAB glad/sad here also |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Little Neophyte Date: 16 Dec 00 - 06:16 AM If a spouse is drinking too much or on medication for depression and that in turn is causing problems with libido, you can blame the drinking and/or anti-depressants but I would dig deeper. Why would a spouse be doing these things? Is it because there are underlying issues in the marriage that need addressing? Or personal issues that need to be look at individually. Money issues can affect a person's libido. Maybe there are issues underneath the money that are even bigger. If you are unhappy with your marital sex life and you want things to change, issues at hand must be willing to be looked at. Bonnie
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: AllisonA(Animaterra) Date: 16 Dec 00 - 06:46 AM All of the above advice is excellent. And it's true that one person may just be "wired" for less and the other for more. For you, having friends to talk it over, even if only this way and only here, anonymously, can be a help. (I can vouch for Allan C having a great shoulder to cry on!) But it sounds as though money stress (yes, that can have a powerful dampening effect!!), work stress, and alcohol may be some of the outward causes. Can you go to a counselor? Alone? A good one can help you learn a whole lot and you can gain a lot more perspective on your life and relationship than we can offer here. Take care, dear GFOR, and let us know how things work out. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Naemanson Date: 16 Dec 00 - 07:56 AM It is hard for me to read this thread for this is a road on which I have traveled. I spent 17 years in a marriage with the last 10 in near celibacy. And in my case it ended in divorce. Mind you, this was not the only reason for the marriage going south but it was one reason and a symptom. Because of this I am going to blunder into an area of discussion the others have only touched lightly. Perhaps you need to take a long hard look at other aspects of your life with this man. Are you truly happy? You say separation is not an option. Take a long hard look at that statement. Sometimes we say things like that without considering the alternative. Consider other aspects of your marriage that could be improved. Consider why it is not an option to walk out of his life. Are you in a rut? Is there no alternative because the alternative is so scary? Believe me, this may only be a symptom now but the time could come when it is a towering obstacle to putting this marriage back together. Good luck! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: John P Date: 16 Dec 00 - 08:38 AM GFOR, Has he withdrawn from you emotionally in general, or is it confined to a withdrawal of his physical intimacy? Are you getting fulfilled in plenty of other ways, or is it all pretty bleak? I hate to be the one to bring this up, but some men really are monogamous and/or guilt-ridden and withdraw from their spouses if they are having an affair. John |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Jeri Date: 16 Dec 00 - 09:59 AM I'm going to stick my nose in, even though I don't have any experience or specific knowlege here. (That hasn't stopped me before :-) Yes, the way a person reacts to and handles stress can effect libido and lots of other things. An apparrent loss of libido could be a symptom, not the actual problem. The cause could be - NOT the actual stress - we all have that, but how a person handles it. Perhaps counseling on that issue would help? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Little Hawk Date: 16 Dec 00 - 10:46 AM GFOR - Sounds like maybe your guy feels disempowered in some way (or ways), and that can really reduce libido. You say he used to complain about money problems...well, yeah, money problems can certainly sap a person's self-confidence and that can reduce their zest for a lot of things. The smoking and the beer drinking definitely do not help one bit, as they both are a drag on the whole system...as is any addiction. TV watching is also a curse on healthy relationships as far as I'm concerned. I haven't owned a TV ever, and neither (thank God!) has my SO. We both agree that life is way better without sitting glued to the idiot box. The real question, I guess, is...is your man feeling this lack of enthusiasm because of outer factors (like money, etc.) or is it just a problem basic to his character? If so, a solution is not going to be easy to find. Matt R - Don't feel too bad. I went PAST 22 without once having a lover...I ain't gonna tell you just HOW long I had to wait (after all, I've got a reputation to maintain in this town...ha! ha!), but it was all worthwhile in the end. When things don't come so easy you sure appreciate them later when they finally do! Hang in there....your ship will come in. Oh, it helps not to be too desperate...desperation scares people off, so don't sweat it. As for the big football heroes who were getting all the girls when I was in high school...most of them now have big stomachs and bald heads and mortgages, and they look 15 to 20 years older than me, and I'm free as a bird. So, ha, ha, ha...! Patience pays off in the end. - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Uncle Jaque Date: 16 Dec 00 - 05:43 PM There is a primal need for human touch, with or without erotic intimacy. There is a joy in the embrace of a Lover, and a warmth in the handhold of a child. A friend's encouraging hand on the shoulder; a parent's goodnight kiss. It's really important to not let the various forms of affection get mixed up or out of appropriate context, but without it life quickly loses it's Sacred Light and becomes a burden. To intentionally withold it from one entitled to and in need of it seems no less than a form of cruel abuse. In the absence that precious human touch, contact with other living things becomes a substitute prefferable to isolation. There is some kind of vital energy which needs be exchanged between living things in order for any of us to be whole, or grow, or prosper. In it's absence, the soul withers; the heart dessicates, shrivels, hardens, and shrinks. Sin is alienation; it's wages are death. Thank God for dogs! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: katlaughing Date: 16 Dec 00 - 09:26 PM Uncle Jacque, that is one of the most profound explanations I have ever read. Thank you for sharing it with us. I would only add, thank the gawd and gawdess for cats, too! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Matt_R Date: 16 Dec 00 - 09:31 PM Definately. At least when you hug a cat, it's a real live breathing creature...and you can pretend it's a person if you close your eyes....a fuzzy person...with sharp claws... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Little Neophyte Date: 16 Dec 00 - 09:59 PM Thank god for massage therapists.
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: catspaw49 Date: 16 Dec 00 - 10:33 PM It seems you're talking about a different problem for each. Let's take the high gear problem first. I would check the pressures at the 2-3 and 3-4 ports and see if they are within range. If not I would suspect a problem in the clutch packs as well as the main valve body. If they are but tend to "creep" into range, I'd drain the fluid, remove the filter and the valve body and check the pan for metal shavings. If you find none the clutches are probably still OK so remove the valves from the valve body and inspect carefully. My guess is that you've picked up some wear, but it may be confined to the o-rings. Clean the valves and the housing and if all spec out OK, change the o-rings and reassemble and recheck your pressures. Most times this will cure the high gear sticking problem. The low gear problem on the other can be as simple as the cable adjustment or a defective vacuum modulator, or no vacuum supply from the cannister/booster unit. Check these first. If the problem still exists, again check your pressures. In this case I would be suspect of a bad sprag in the torque converter. Have it bench tested if you don't have the equipment to do it yourself. If it is a bad sprag unit, replace the entire torque converter and be sure to replace the front seal in the transmission itself while you have it down. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Allan C. Date: 16 Dec 00 - 10:44 PM Wow. Whenever I need explicit advice, I know who I'm going to call! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Matt_R Date: 16 Dec 00 - 10:48 PM Thanks a lot Mr.Greaseball Spaw! I wonder if Blondie knows as much as you do about fixing cars? --Soda Jerk |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Bill D Date: 16 Dec 00 - 11:27 PM she being Brand -new;and you know consequently a little stiff i was careful of her and(having thoroughly oiled the universal joint tested my gas felt of her radiator made sure her springs were O. K.)i went right to it flooded-the-carburetor cranked her up,slipped the clutch(and then somehow got into reverse she kicked what the hell)next minute i was back in neutral tried and again slo-wly;bare,ly nudg. ing(my lev-er Right- oh and her gears being in A 1 shape passed from low through second-in-to-high like greasedlightning)just as we turned the corner of Divinity avenue i touched the accelerator and give her the juice,good was the first ride and believe i we was happy to see how nice she acted right up to the last minute coming back down by the Public Gardens i slammed on the internalexpanding &
externalcontracting |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Bill D Date: 16 Dec 00 - 11:29 PM ...and apologies for the thread creep |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Sorcha Date: 17 Dec 00 - 12:29 AM Bill, LOL! kat and Matt, you are both so right, our problem here seems to be flip flopped. Me female and older than him. Doc says my prob is age/lack of breeding hormones......which create desire in humans. Knowing we "are not alone" does not exactly help his problem now, does it? Males are supposed to feel/exhibit desire until near death, because they do not do the "breeding" thing. Females only exhibit desire as long as breeding is a possiblity.......called Biological Imperative. Males incept, females recept. Maybe we need a new sexual orientation called "nutuer-ers"? Sorry, but I don't have any more answers than anyone else. The psychs tell me that with males, it is likely to be money, stress, ambition, and appearance in that order. Females are turned on by nuturing/caring. Males are turned on by appearance, and by the way the female in question can further their ambition. Females are turned on by how well the male in question can provide for offspring.........what a mess. Are we the same species? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Matt_R Date: 17 Dec 00 - 01:12 AM I want to nurture someone... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Amergin Date: 17 Dec 00 - 03:06 AM Well, Matt, you still got Rosie to nurture don't you? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Bill D Date: 17 Dec 00 - 02:45 PM Sadly, Mother Nature designed the system ONLY well enough to be sure that species continue....continued interest after reproduction is merely gravy, and is not distributed equally...SOME males are quite active at 80..(*sigh*..Strom Thurmond), while others barely show interest after 30. We humans are unique in that we 'reflect' on the issue and worry about it, as it seems to affect our ego and social relationships. Sometimes our bodies and our minds just don't agree, but our minds are amazingly good at tricking our bodies if we REALLY want to.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Little Hawk Date: 17 Dec 00 - 02:54 PM Spaw - this time you have entirely exceeded my expectations. I'm speechless. Well, almost... :-D - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: catspaw49 Date: 17 Dec 00 - 02:54 PM Bill, Allan Sherman described the smae thing in The Rape of the A.P.E. Man is basically the only animal that thinks about it and has feelings for "performance" levels, etc. He used it in describing sexual problems in humans that other animals don't have. I doubt a lion is overly concerned with premature ejaculation....first because it probably doesn't happen because he doesn't worry about anything but the simplistic, animalistic, act of procreation. What I really loved was his word for this phenomena.........."Thinkery-Fuckery." Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Bill D Date: 17 Dec 00 - 03:13 PM In my 'home' town of Wichita, ther was an 'old' lion at the zoo, who was not due to be relocated to the new zoo nearing completion....so arrangements were made to have him sold and added to some 'preserve' out west ...to live out his declining years. Well, he arrived after years alone in a small cage, took one look at the open spaces and young lionesses, and proceeded to shoulder aside young males half his age, got the undivided attention of the ladies, and fathered many cubs for several more years!.......(Old joke... "me KNOW 'how', me need CHANCE!") It was a neat news story, but older MEN from Wichita sure got an earfull for awhile!
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Little Neophyte Date: 17 Dec 00 - 03:47 PM Dr. Bill Care and Dr. Spawk when I am having relationship problems can I come to you wise men for advice? How much do you guys charge? Little Neo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Bill D Date: 17 Dec 00 - 04:06 PM sure...no charge, if you're serious...you can't afford it if you're not.(and the usual question is.."How much will you PAY?" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: GUEST,Guest Date: 17 Dec 00 - 04:10 PM When you are in the middle of it you think you are the only person its happening to, it makes it even more isolating. It got so bad I couldn't bear watching anything slushy because I'd end up in tears. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Little Neophyte Date: 17 Dec 00 - 04:35 PM Thats interesting Guest, because when I was going through rough periods in my marriage (or now) if I watched 'slushy' stuff I would thing.......there must be hope. Well Dr. Bill Care, 'how much are you willing to pay?' kind of reminds me of the quote 'Opportunity is usually disguised as hard work so most people don't recognize them' Ann Landers Little Neo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Matt_R Date: 17 Dec 00 - 04:47 PM WHo is Rosie? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: paddymac Date: 17 Dec 00 - 05:52 PM Matt - you really opened the door, but being the gentleman tha I am (well, usually) I'll not walk through to trod upon your youthful sensibilities. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Matt_R Date: 17 Dec 00 - 05:55 PM Only thing I can think of is it may have to do either with the Jetsons or paper towels... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: DougR Date: 17 Dec 00 - 05:58 PM If he is willing to save the relationship, get him to a doctor and have his testosterone level checked. It is not uncommon for a man to have that problem, and sure will affect his libido if it is low. Also, could he be suffering from erectile disfunction? If so, he may be embarrassed or fear that he can't perform. Is he on any kind of bloodpressure lowering medication? That can affect the latter, certainly. If that is the problem, as the doctor for a sample of Viagra. All he may need is to rebuild his confidence. Dr.DougR,EIATS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Bill D Date: 17 Dec 00 - 06:29 PM hmm, Lil Neo...wonder if I phrased that wrong..meant to say humorously that the usual question to ME is "how much will you pay?"..(from Woody Allen movie..."I've got a new job...down at the Follies helping the girls dress" .."Oh, sounds interesting...how much?" . "25 francs a day"...". .."That's not much"..
"It's all I can afford") ......and Guest...in all seriousness..('cause it IS serious)..yes...when it is YOU, it makes no difference how many others have it worse. About the only thing that helps at all besides solving it is to talk with someone willing to listen....which is sort of what is going on here...a bit of sympathy, a bit of levity, a bit of advice... When I left Kansas, I was leaving a relationship, and I spent a year or so thinking that I'd probably be alone the rest of my life..(silly, but...)...fortunately, I just went out and did things, like joining the Folklore Society...*smile*...and before I knew it, things changed...and 20 years later, I am older, happier and sort of wiser. You do what you can, and hope it helps....
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Little Neophyte Date: 17 Dec 00 - 10:11 PM Bill darling, let me get this straight. You are going to pay me to spend your time listening to all my troubles? Does this business arrangement have anything to do with the 'Banjo Head - to change or not thread'? Little Neo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Bill D Date: 17 Dec 00 - 10:33 PM *grin*...having JUST read the banjo head thread, I doubt that I'd be able to concentrate on your 'troubles' if you adopted the uniform mentioned. And I do know that your troubles would NOT likely involve lack of attention... Now the right attention is a different matter, and can be a very complex subject...*looking wise and serious* as to payment...I don't believe I offered to pay...*bigger grin*, I merely noted that there often IS cost associated with listening...not necessarily in 'coin of the realm'...(I had a lady tell me once a LONG time ago, that since she had bared her soul to me in seeking advice, she certainly couldn't consider me a suitor, as I knew FAR too much now...*wry smile*)..(and I hadn't even asked!...but I was honored to be trusted) ain't life interesting? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Libido in HIGH gear - SO's in LOW gear From: Bill D Date: 17 Dec 00 - 10:37 PM (oh...'darling'? wow...being called that by a sweet young thing is good for me, no matter what the context!) |