The war betwn the US & Canada

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: Troll
Date: 18 Dec 00 - 04:02 PM

Tell ya what. You guys can have the entire West Coast AND Florida and we'll take Nova Scotia and Newfoundland.
Deal?

troll

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: mousethief
Date: 18 Dec 00 - 04:46 PM

Speak for yourself, Troll. We Ecotopians have no desire to be under the Canadian government, and have them rape our forests the way they're doing to BC's.

Oh wait, I forgot. You vote Republican.

Alex

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: Skeptic
Date: 18 Dec 00 - 06:22 PM

Alex Thank you

Regards John

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: Pixie
Date: 18 Dec 00 - 06:32 PM

Objection!!!! Speaking as an honourary Maritimer, I do not want to become a citizen of the US! Why don't you guys take Quebec????

Pixie

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: Devilmaster
Date: 18 Dec 00 - 06:33 PM

No deal, Troll. you just want those two provinces for the good beer and great people. (not to mention the backwoods hooch! burp!) speakin of beer......... (chsssshhhhh, glug, glug, glug, glug..... ahh.)

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: mousethief
Date: 18 Dec 00 - 06:33 PM

Look, can we just get you guys to take back Detroit and Neil Diamond, and call it pax? All this other stuff is going to be too contentious.

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: Devilmaster
Date: 18 Dec 00 - 06:36 PM

hey, i dont want your hand-me-down cities, MT.....

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: mousethief
Date: 18 Dec 00 - 06:40 PM

Now Devilmaster, don't get me started on Canadian self-righteousness. I've been really nice so far.

Alex

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: Devilmaster
Date: 18 Dec 00 - 07:12 PM

Its not self-righteousness, but your only offering detroit and neil diamond.... why not maui or oahu, with cindy crawford.... more of a fair deal.....

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: Devilmaster
Date: 18 Dec 00 - 07:14 PM

besides, i live in windsor, cross the river to detroit all the time.... it aint that bad of a city.....

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: Troll
Date: 18 Dec 00 - 07:22 PM

Don't want the West Coast and Florida, huh?
You guys are smarter than you look.
And Alex, for your information, I voted for Bugs Bunny.
Get off it Skeptic. You don't even know where those places are. I've still got your atlas, remember?

troll

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: ddw
Date: 18 Dec 00 - 09:15 PM

If you guys want a real swap, how 'bout Canada takes Detroit and the U.S. takes Quebec?

Sound like a great deal for the U.S.?

Consider this — off the wires tonight:

By Idella Sturino The Canadian Press MONTREAL

A rural Quebec couple selling maple syrup through an English-only Web site will ask the courts to rule whether the province's language laws apply to the Internet.
Stanley and Muriel Reid, who own a small farm in Godmanchester, Que., were charged and threatened with a $302 fine after language officials concluded their Web site violates provincial laws designed to protect French.
They have pleaded not guilty and hired a prominent English-rights lawyer to fight the case. The couple could not be reached Monday for comment.
If their case goes ahead next year, it's expected to be the first to test whether the Charter of the French Language applies to commercial Web sites, lawyer Brent Tyler said Monday.
Tyler argues the 23-year-old law should not apply to commercial Web sites because it's too vague and does not specifically mention the Internet.
Tyler also said the Reids, a fifth-generation farming family, should not have to translate their site into French because almost all the maple syrup they sell is to consumers outside Quebec.
The law requires Quebec-based companies to use French in advertising. It permits other languages as long as French is given equal prominence.
The law also stipulates that French letters must be twice as big as English letters on commercial signs. "What makes this so outrageous is that if you apply the letter of the law, you would have 90 per cent of Web sites in Quebec that would be illegal," said Tyler, noting most sites do not include complete translations.
The Commission de protection de la langue francaise, the government agency which polices infractions to the law, says the Reids must provide a French translation on their Web site.
While the language law does not mention the word Internet, language officials say it applies to commercial Web sites.
"Products available in Quebec stores must be advertised in French on the Web site of a company or dealer which has a place of business in Quebec," the commission states.
The commission passed the file to a Crown attorney after investigating a complaint about the Reid's Web site and the prosecutor decided to go ahead with the case.
The Reids only make about 10 sales a year via the Internet.
"The Web site is probably costing me more than we're making with it," Stanley Reid said recently in an interview.

I think the only reason the U.S. has Detroit now and Canada has Quebec is that the U.S. had first choice.

david

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: InOBU
Date: 18 Dec 00 - 09:19 PM

Having attended trials in Sept Illes, where Innu elders, who spoke no English or French, were tried for tresspass on their own land, without benifit of translation into Innu,... I can believe the above. Larry

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: ddw
Date: 18 Dec 00 - 09:26 PM

Yeah, and if you think Dubya's out to lunch, you should listen to the gibberish Canada's erstwhile leader — Jean Chretien — can come out with. I know bilingual reporters who have covered him, and they say he mangles French almost as badly as he does English.

david

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: InOBU
Date: 18 Dec 00 - 09:29 PM

Gee, maybe the outcome of the war can be an arrainged marrage between Critien and GWB? - Larry

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: Troll
Date: 18 Dec 00 - 11:14 PM

Wouldn't work Larry. Even a Texan has SOME pride.

troll ***ducking and running for cover***

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: mkebenn
Date: 19 Dec 00 - 07:44 AM

Dubya's as Texan as Ted Kennedy, why would we want Quebec, english and spanish are enough to deal with, and I live outside of Buffalo on the WRONG side of the lake in winter. Mike Bennett

Subject: LATEST NEWS FROM THE FRONT
From: NightWing
Date: 19 Dec 00 - 01:49 PM

AP - Reuters

The major advance of US troops into the Canadian central plains provinces has been halted at approximately the line of Canadian Highway 1, less than 100 miles into Canada.

In the early advances, progress was slowed only by giggling fits caused when US officers tried to order their men through towns with names such as Moosoming, Storthoaks, Virden ("like a Virden, touched for the very first time"), Peebles ("Peebles wobble but they don't fall down"), Aneroid, Chortitz, Shaunavon ("Sha, na, na. Sha, na-na, von"), and Manyberries. In addition, navigating through a region where every other town is a Dale, a Valley, a Glen, or a Mountain proved time-consuming.

However, today we have received reports that in Winnipeg, Brandon, Regina, Moose Jaw, Swift Current, and Medicine Hat, the advance of US volunteers -- mostly from the Dakotas, Wyoming, and Colorado -- has been slowed to a crawl by the tactics of crack teams of Canuck bartenders. Fine Canadian beers, so far superior to most common beer from the States, have disabled the vast majority of advancing troops. The entire Wyoming contingent, over 90% of the Dakota brigades, and approximately half of the Colorado forces (the "Coors" Regiments) have been captured completely by such Canadian brews as Sleeman's and Alexander Keith's. Only the so-called "Micro-Brew Boys" of Colorado have thus far evaded capture and continue to wreck havoc on the Canadian bartenders. One captured barkeep was heard to marvel, "I didn't think any of those Yanks could drink like that."

The western and eastern ends of the advance had already encountered delays. The Montana forces, originally tasked with capturing Calgary by today, have not yet crossed the border. Rumor from behind the lines suggests that the herds are taken abaaack by the distance to be covered and that the shepherds refuse to doff their special sheep boots. In the east, the Minnesotans well-known reluctance to "cause a fuss" has Minnesota forces visiting relatives in Sprague. General Olerud, commanding the Minnesota Irregulars, gave the following brief statement: "Well, we don't want to just show up on their doorstep now, do we? What if no one's home? Then we will have gone all that way for nothing. But we could always go visit those Nillsens over there in Badger."

In Michigan, fighting remains hot. Detroit has changed hands at least five times. Observers estimate that as much as $10,000,000 of improvements has been done. According to our best information from the war-torn city, Canadian forces successfully pushed back the Michigan Army Reserve, leaving the city again in US hands. Mobs of civilians have been seen fighting on the city's many bridges, screaming, "You take it!" "No, YOU take it!"

An attack by British Columbia forces on Seattle was repelled decisively by thousands of Redmond residents waving CDs of Windows Me. The British Columbians were utterly routed and have not yet regrouped.

In other news, Mexico was drawn briefly into the war when brave California troops made a daring, daylight, surfboard attack on Cabo San Lucas. However, when officials of the Mexican city, under a flag of truce, pointed out that the US and Mexico are not at war, Biff, Big Kahuna of the California VERY Irregulars, said, "Whooooa, dude! So, wow man! Let's party!"

Sorry, folks. Just couldn't resist *G*

BB,
NightWing

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: Troll
Date: 19 Dec 00 - 01:59 PM

Very gald you didn't. Best laugh I've had all day. Thank you. What a hoot.

troll *ROTFLMAO*

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: Troll
Date: 19 Dec 00 - 02:01 PM

So gimme a break. It's hard to spell with tears of laughter in your eyes.

troll

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: Amergin
Date: 19 Dec 00 - 02:03 PM

So what's the news from the Idaho Panhandle? I want news from home....

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: Jimmy C
Date: 19 Dec 00 - 02:42 PM

> > > Subject: Canadian optimism. > > Clinton was sitting in his office when his telephone rang.
> > > "Hello! Mr. Clinton," a strange accented voice said. "This is Tommy up Canada. Eh, I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!, eh"
> > > "Well, Tommy " Clinton replied, "this is indeed important news! Tellme, how big is your army?"
> > > "At this moment in time," said Tommy after a moment's calculation,thereis myself, my cousin Bob, my next door neighbour Bill, and the entire dominoes team from the pub - that makes eight! Eh"
> > > Clinton sighed. "I must tell you Tommy that I have ten million men in my army, waiting to move on my command."
> > > "I'll have to ring you back!" said Tommy.

Sure enough, the next day Tommy rang back. "Right Mr.Clinton, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment! Eh"
> > > "And what equipment would that be, Tommy?" Clinton asked.
> > > "Well, we have two International Harvester combines, a bulldozer, and a big red tractor, plus 4 or 5 snow ploughs eh .
> > > Once more Clinton sighed. "I must tell you, Tommy, that I have 16 thousand tanks, 14 thousand armoured personnel carriers, and my army has increased to eleven and a half million since we last spoke."
> > > "No Shit?" said Tommy. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough,Tommy rang again the next day. "Right, Mr. Clinton, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Ted's ultra light with a couple of rifles in the cockpit and the hockey team has joine us as well! Eh"
> > > Clinton was silent for a minute, then sighed "I must tell you Tomm that I have a thousand bombers, 500 MiG-19 attack planes, my military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites, and since we last spoke, my army has increased to twelve million."

"I'll have to ring you back." said Tommy

Sure enough, Tommy called again the next day. "Right Mr.Clinton, I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war.eh."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Clinton. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
> > > "Well," said Tommy, "we've all got to talking eh, and , there's no way we can feed twelve million prisoners." > >

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: Clinton Hammond2
Date: 19 Dec 00 - 02:52 PM

LOL!

Good one Jimmy!

;-)

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: Jim Krause
Date: 19 Dec 00 - 03:00 PM

Actually, as one Canadian once pointed out to me, the US and Candad already tried having a war, the War of 1812. It was pretty much of a draw, really. The Canadians captured Mackinaw Island, but we got it back in the treaty, Detroit changed hands a couple of times, Lundy's Lane was pretty much of a draw, the Canadians retained the field of battle, but both sides suffered pretty sever casualties. Nope, actually the only places where the US really came out ahead were the Battle of Lake Erie, and New Orleans. New Orleans may not count, technically since it was fought after the treaty was signed, and it pitted Andy Jackson's Americans against Packenham's English and Scots.

All in all, I think it's probably a pretty bad idea. Nothing for either side to gain, eh?

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: InOBU
Date: 19 Dec 00 - 03:33 PM

Hey guys, I think I have 't say JimmyC wins the war, eh? He really got the feel of it, eh? So, a Yankies Baseball hat and a Hamburger followed by Moose pie and a Molsens, or a Labat, eh? My hat is oof to ya fer sure. Cheers, Larry

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: Troll
Date: 19 Dec 00 - 05:14 PM

I just heard that Al Gore says that the idea for a war with Canada was his. We are awaiting confirmation of this report.

troll

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: NightWing
Date: 19 Dec 00 - 05:20 PM

Gee, that's surprising! I thought Al invented Canada. *LOL*

BB,
NightWing

P.S. I'm a Dem, but that don't mean I can't make fun of pomposity where I see it. *G*

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: Troll
Date: 19 Dec 00 - 10:31 PM

He may have. He keeps re-inventing himself so often it's kinda hard to tell what he really HAS done.

troll

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: ddw
Date: 20 Dec 00 - 12:06 AM

Good one, Jimmy C — but I have to admit when the hockey team joined the Canucks I figured Clinton would concede. ANY number of Canajuns with hockey sticks is dangerous.....

LOL,

David

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: Jimmy C
Date: 20 Dec 00 - 08:57 AM

I guess ss he could always have given the Notre dame Fighting Irish hockey sticks as well just to keep it even.

There is a story of trying to start a hockey team at Notre dame, I think it was the football coach Knute Rockney (sp) who was against putting big sticks in the hands of Irishmen.

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 20 Dec 00 - 10:30 AM

Jimmy C,

He'd probably seen a Hurling game. I grew up playing hockey and Lacrosse and Hurling (Hurley?) is the craziest game I've ever seen.

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: Jimmy C
Date: 20 Dec 00 - 05:45 PM

Steve, I played hurling for 13 years, averaging 3 games per week (weather permitting). I was only injured once, by an older brother who was on the opposing team. I would love to have played lacrosse and hockey, yet I would never race a car or motorcycle, bungee jump, parachute nor would I play cricket. If one were to get hit by a cricket ball then serios injury would result, that thing is hard.

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: Irish sergeant
Date: 21 Dec 00 - 11:25 AM

My apologies about the American comment. It was ment A) in friendship and to B) note that we are all citizens of the american hemispheres (North and South America) not to imply any sort of domination by the United States. As a citizen of the US and an amateur student of out history, I must point out, that while the war seems to be a draw, the United States did lose the war. Victory in war (or any other diplomatic endevour) is defined as attaining your goals. American goals in the War of 1812 included settling boundry disputes with British North America, ending impressment of U.S. sailors, ending British aid to Native American warriors, Fishing rights disputes etc. Most of these issues were settled not by the war or the treaty of Ghent which ended it but rather by mutual discussion after hostilites had ceased and calmer heads prevailed. While American troops performed well in most instances. The majority of battles went to the British forces and the Canadian militiamen who fought with them. This is not to say that American troops were cowards. However, the leadership shown in the army for the most parts was inadequate. The calibre of the individual American fighting man was far better than the leadership they recieved. New Orleans was the one truely notable American victory. The Navy did well but was not equal to combatting the Royal Navy which was not only well manned but had experienced combat veterans. (As did the British Army) a result of almost fifteen years of conbtinual combat against French forces. The Americans werer fighting with the Native American tribes in their efforts to expand westward but were, as our history shows was usually the case, undermanned and unprpared to fight the war. Never mind the war, let's just sign a mutual assistance treaty. name a price and send us some decent beer. Happy holidays to all. Kindest reguards, Neil

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: MMario
Date: 21 Dec 00 - 11:31 AM

well now that the Queen doesn't speak the Queen's English anymore, we might as well subvert the fearless poultry of the border patrol and raid the maple syrup bombs to make snow ice-cream

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: NightWing
Date: 21 Dec 00 - 11:45 AM

Amusingly enough, the Internet Oracle™ just commented on this issue:

  The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. 
  Your question was: 
   
  > More busy than a hive of bees, more restful than a bed of clams, 
  > more content than a herd of cattle, more demonstrative than a gaggle 
  > of geese, more boisterous than a murder of crows, wiser than a biker 
  > bar full of owls, the Oracle is all that and more! 
  > 
  > When the USA finally up and absorbs all of present day Canada, except 
  > for those sillies in Quebec, what will the new nation be like? 
   
  And in response, thus spake the Oracle: 
   
  } It won't exist at all. You see, Canada is a country, like many others. 
  } But, the USA is actually an anti-country, the exact opposite of a 
  } country. Should Canada and the USA merge, there will actually be a 
  } matter/anti-matter like reaction resulting in the destruction of both, 
  } and a pretty nifty bang as well. 
  } 
  } The following table should demonstrate the 'anti-country' status of 
  } the USA. 
  } 
  } +----------------------------------+---------------------------------+ 
  } |        Typical Country           |               USA               | 
  } +----------------------------------+---------------------------------+ 
  } | Well respected leader given      | George Bush                     | 
  } | power to lead country.           |                                 | 
  } +----------------------------------+---------------------------------+ 
  } | Delicious and nutritious         | McDonalds                       | 
  } | national cuisine.                |                                 | 
  } +----------------------------------+---------------------------------+ 
  } | State-funded education system.   | "potatoe"                       | 
  } +----------------------------------+---------------------------------+ 
  } | Culture and the Arts.            | Marilyn Manson.                 | 
  } +----------------------------------+---------------------------------+ 
  } | Industry and Agriculture.        | GM Soybeans                     | 
  } +----------------------------------+---------------------------------+ 
  } 
  } The Oracle rests his case. Of Yuppie flu. 
  

For more information about the Internet Oracle™, see The Internet Oracle™ Resource Index.

BB,
NightWing

P.S. I sure hope I didn't screw up the formatting on this *cross fingers*

Subject: RE: The war betwn the US & Canada
From: kendall
Date: 22 Dec 00 - 08:37 AM

Did you ever wonder why the state of Maine intrudes so far into Canada?