NEWS FLASH: Bush sues Santa!

Subject: NEWS FLASH: Bush sues Santa!
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 22 Dec 00 - 11:34 AM

BREAKING NEWS: BUSH SEEKS TO ENJOIN SANTA FROM CHECKING LIST TWICE:
Lack of Standards Decried

Austin, TX (Dec. 18)

Attorneys for President-Elect George W. Bush filed suit in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus from making his list and then checking it twice. The complaint seeks an immediate injunction against the beloved Christmas icon, asking the court to effectively ban his traditional practice of checking the list of good boys and girls one additional time before packing his sleigh.

The suit, filed in Federal District Court in Austin, asks a federal Judge to "forthwith order Mr. Claus to cease and desist all repetitive and duplicative list-checking activity, and certify the original list as submitted without amendment, alteration, deletion, or other unnecessary modification."

"There are no standards for deciding who is naughty, and who is nice. It's totally arbitrary and capricious. How many more times doe she need to check? This checking, checking and re-checking over and over again must stop now," said former Secretary James Baker.

Baker further claimed that unnamed GOP observers witnessed an elf remove all boys named Justin from the 'nice' list, filing them under 'naughty' instead because "everyone knows all boys named Justin are brats."

Bush cited the potential for unauthorized list tampering, blasted what he called the "crazy, crazy mess up there at the North Pole." "Their security is really awful, really bad," said Bush. "My mother just walked right in, told 'em she was Mrs. Claus. They didn't check her ID or nothing."

Meanwhile, Dick Cheney issued a direct plea to St. Nick himself. "Mr. Claus, I call on you to do the honorable thing and quit checking your list. The children of the world have had enough. They demand closure now," Cheney said, adding that his granddaughter has already selected a name for the pony she's asked for.

Jesse Jackson's "Rainbow Mush for Justice" is scheduled to leave Friday. "We need red suits and sleighs, not law suits and delays," Jackson said.

Santa Claus could not be reached for comment, but a spokeself said he was "deeply distressed" by news of the pending legal action against him. "He's losing weight, and he hasn't said 'Ho Ho Ho' for days," said the spokeself.

Experts feel that future Christmas celebrations could be placed in jeopardy.

Santa is apparently not qualified for any other job, and no one is sure what he might do if he loses this battle.

Subject: RE: NEWS FLASH: Bush sues Santa!
From: Irish sergeant
Date: 22 Dec 00 - 04:40 PM

Merry Christmas. If Santa loses, he can run against Junior in '04 Then Jorge Double would have a fight on his hand, not even Harris would dare rule against Santa more than once. Kindest Reguards, Neil

Subject: RE: NEWS FLASH: Bush sues Santa!
From: Lucius
Date: 22 Dec 00 - 07:54 PM

Thanks for the first belly laugh I've had since Bush was appointed.

Lucius

Subject: RE: NEWS FLASH: Bush sues Santa!
From: Oversoul
Date: 22 Dec 00 - 10:26 PM

Santa parodies are lame beyond belief, regardless of one's politics. Why do I have this feeling that you guys are equally lame musically? I bet you all "play like Leroy". I sense blues riffs, white guys with expensive guitars, and lots of time between gigs.

Subject: RE: NEWS FLASH: Bush sues Santa!
From: Sorcha
Date: 23 Dec 00 - 12:21 AM

Actually, not funny. I think Dubya is just dumbya enuf to try it.......(sorry, just sick, sick, sick of "funny political jokes" that are not even funny.)

Subject: RE: NEWS FLASH: Bush sues Santa!
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 23 Dec 00 - 09:59 AM

Davecoje:

1. This was not a Santa parody. It was a Bush parody.

2. I am a white guy, true enough.

3. No blues riffs. I'm not really into blues.

4. My guitar cost $135, if you call that expensive. My banjo, however, was $840. NOT expensive, for the quality.

5. More's the pity, yes, a LOT of time between gigs!

Sorcha:

_I_ thought it was funny!

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: NEWS FLASH: Bush sues Santa!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 24 Dec 00 - 12:35 AM

Yo guys, lighten up! If we cannot parody politics, why the heck do we have the Liberal Democrats in UK!

LTS *BG*