HELP wi Scots dialect

Subject: HELP wi Scots dialect
From: little john cameron
Date: 15 Jan 01 - 09:24 PM

Here' a message i got from a friend.It has me stumped.Can anyone enlighten us.I believe it is from a book she is reading. Rhyming slang???

What do you make of this one John??? I don't understand it.

I could see the Clyde from time to time, but I couldn't figure out how to get to it or, more crucially, over it. I wandered along a series of back

lanes and soon found myself in one of those dead districts that consist of windowless warehouses and garage doors that say NO PARKING - GARAGE IN CONSTANT USE.
I took a series of turns that seemed to lead ever further away from society before finally bumbling into a short street that had a pub on the corner.
Fancying a drink and a sitdown, I wandered inside. It was a dark place, and battered, and there were only two other customers A pair of larcenous-looking men sitting side by side

at the bar drinning in silence. There was no-one behind the bar.
I took a stance at the far end of the counter and waited for a bit, but no-one came. I drummed my fingers on the counter and puffed my cheeks and made assorted puckery shapes with my lips the way you do when you are waiting. (And just why do we do that, do you suppose? It isn't even privately entertaining in the extremely low-level way that,say, peeling a blister or cleaning your fingernails with a thumbnail is.) I cleaned my nails with a thumbnail and puffed my cheeks some more, but still no-one came.
Eventually I noticed one of the men at the bar eyeing me. "Hae ya nae hook ma dooky?" he said. 'I'm sorry?' I replied. "He'll nay be doon a mooning." He hoiked his head in the direction of a back room. 'Oh, ah,' I said and nodded sagely, as if that explained it. I noticed that they were both still looking at me.

"D'ye hae a hoo and a poo?" said the first man to me. 'I'm sorry?' I said. "D'ye hae a hoo and a poo?" he repeated. It appeared that he was a trifle intoxicated. I gave a small, apologetic smile and explained that I came from the English-speaking world.

"D'ye nae hae in May?" the man went on. "If ye dinna dock ma donny." "Doon in Troon they croon in June," said his mate, then added: "Wi' a spoon."

'Oh, ah.' I nodded thoughtfully again, pushing my lower lip Out slightly, as if it was all very nearly clear to me now. Just then, to my small relief, the barman appeared, looking unhappy and wiping his hands on a tea towel.

"F**kin muckle f**ket in the f**kin muckle," he said to the two men, and then to me in a weary voice: "Ah hae the noo." I couldn't tell if it

was a question or a statement. 'A pint of Tennent's, please,' I said hopefully. He made an impatient noise, as if I were avoiding his question.
"Hae ya nae hook ma dooky?" 'I'm sorry?' "Ah hae the noo," said the first customet, who apparently saw himself as my interpreter.

What do you think o expert panel. ljc

Subject: RE: HELP wi Scots dialect
From: Tony in Sweden
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 02:28 AM

HELP....Whit d'ye mean HELP.
Whaurs the problem John?
It seems awricht tae me, or mibees it's the English stuff, ye ken! Bit the ag'in, 'am frae Stra'ven
T.C.

Subject: RE: HELP wi Scots dialect
From: GUEST,Murray on Saltspring
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 02:36 AM

I may be going out and sawing off a limb here, but I think the text is merely meant to amuse. I don't know what it means myself. I don't believe Tony does either--but then he's from Strathaven, where they call it "Straiven"--it just shows you. Anyway, it isnt in my Fife dialect nor any other. Deep Glasgow? Wha kens?

Subject: RE: HELP wi Scots dialect
From: Tony in Sweden
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 03:15 AM

Greetings Murray
I do believe that I have an understanding of the "patter", on having hooks, hoos an poos an' especially daein hay in May.
Maybe if there's anybody else from around the Lanarkshire/Ayrshire border they can pit thir neb intae it anaw.
Cheers,
T.C.

Subject: RE: HELP wi Scots dialect
From: Scabby Douglas
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 05:05 AM

Hi I recognise this passage.. It's the travel writer Bill Bryson writing about a visit to Glasgow.

The samples of Glasgow speech are his efforts to explain that he could not understand a word anyone was saying. It doesn't mean anything. I am a Glasgow native. The funny thing is that he could have aciheved the same effect by using genuine instances of Glasgow dialect.

Bill Bryson is very very funny, by the way. Pal. And that. So he is.

Cheers

Subject: RE: HELP wi Scots dialect
From: Sorcha
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 11:23 AM

hee hee hee, LOL, LMAO, ROFLMAO...ljc needs "help", hee hee. Oh dear, that is funny! (and so is Bill Bryson!!) I just finished the one about Australia, and my sides still hurt.....I kept thinking of all my MudCat friends down there, with all that deadly stuff, saying "No problem".

Subject: RE: HELP wi Scots dialect
From: Cap't Bob
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 11:35 AM

I think I can give you some help John ~ ~ the ** = uc.

Cap't Bob

Subject: RE: HELP wi Scots dialect
From: jonilog
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 12:33 PM

It would be interesting to know how the drinkers interpreted what he was saying.Did he have bools in his mooth?

Subject: RE: HELP wi Scots dialect
From: Mrrzy
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 01:27 PM

The Troon part sounds like rhyming slang, perhaps they were trying to get him to Tune? As in sing for your supper, or pint, or whatever? I especially like his admitting to being from the English-speaking world...

Subject: RE: HELP wi Scots dialect
From: little john cameron
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 01:30 PM

Michty me guys,ah'm nain the wiser for aw yer erudition.Scabbys answer seem richt bit then again Tony says he knows.Ah'm no familiar wi this Bryson fellah.
Ah while ago ah postit a poyem caed Bonnie Jeannie that wis a conglomeration o Scots words that didnae mak oney sense,bit when spoke sounded authentic.Some catters thocht it wis great an some caught on tae me.Ah guess Mr Bryson gied me mah comuppance.
So whit is it,dae yese know or dae yese no no? ljc