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B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!

Peter T. 16 Jan 01 - 01:59 PM
Peter T. 16 Jan 01 - 02:11 PM
Troll 16 Jan 01 - 02:16 PM
MMario 16 Jan 01 - 02:18 PM
mousethief 16 Jan 01 - 02:20 PM
Mrrzy 16 Jan 01 - 02:23 PM
Peter T. 16 Jan 01 - 02:24 PM
wysiwyg 16 Jan 01 - 02:27 PM
Troll 16 Jan 01 - 02:34 PM
Peter T. 16 Jan 01 - 02:40 PM
MMario 16 Jan 01 - 02:40 PM
GUEST 16 Jan 01 - 02:44 PM
Wesley S 16 Jan 01 - 02:45 PM
Uncle_DaveO 16 Jan 01 - 03:00 PM
catspaw49 16 Jan 01 - 03:02 PM
Mary in Kentucky 16 Jan 01 - 03:10 PM
Kim C 16 Jan 01 - 03:22 PM
Amos 16 Jan 01 - 03:30 PM
SINSULL 16 Jan 01 - 03:38 PM
mousethief 16 Jan 01 - 03:41 PM
dwditty 16 Jan 01 - 03:59 PM
wysiwyg 16 Jan 01 - 04:58 PM
MMario 16 Jan 01 - 05:01 PM
GUEST,Old Pube 16 Jan 01 - 05:13 PM
GUEST,Amergin@work 16 Jan 01 - 05:25 PM
Peter T. 16 Jan 01 - 05:46 PM
Peter T. 16 Jan 01 - 06:00 PM
Matt_R 16 Jan 01 - 06:04 PM
mousethief 16 Jan 01 - 06:10 PM
Peter T. 16 Jan 01 - 06:34 PM
Matt_R 16 Jan 01 - 07:01 PM
Troll 16 Jan 01 - 07:23 PM
NightWing 16 Jan 01 - 07:41 PM
ddw 16 Jan 01 - 08:20 PM
Matt_R 16 Jan 01 - 08:28 PM
kendall 16 Jan 01 - 08:34 PM
Troll 16 Jan 01 - 08:34 PM
Mrrzy 16 Jan 01 - 08:55 PM
Amos 16 Jan 01 - 09:20 PM
John Hardly 16 Jan 01 - 09:40 PM
Sorcha 17 Jan 01 - 01:27 AM
katlaughing 17 Jan 01 - 02:03 AM
Sorcha 17 Jan 01 - 02:15 AM
katlaughing 17 Jan 01 - 02:19 AM
Amergin 17 Jan 01 - 02:21 AM
Lady McMoo 17 Jan 01 - 03:17 AM
GUEST,Fibula Mattock 17 Jan 01 - 06:08 AM
GUEST,Roger the skiffler 17 Jan 01 - 06:17 AM
Lady McMoo 17 Jan 01 - 06:23 AM
GUEST,Peter T. 17 Jan 01 - 08:56 AM
GUEST,Peter T. 17 Jan 01 - 09:09 AM
Ella who is Sooze 17 Jan 01 - 09:09 AM
John Hardly 17 Jan 01 - 12:20 PM
katlaughing 17 Jan 01 - 12:30 PM
Crazy Eddie 18 Jan 01 - 02:13 AM
Crazy Eddie 18 Jan 01 - 02:20 AM
Naemanson 18 Jan 01 - 06:25 AM
Lady McMoo 18 Jan 01 - 09:34 AM
Peter T. 18 Jan 01 - 10:09 AM
Troll 18 Jan 01 - 12:38 PM
mousethief 18 Jan 01 - 12:52 PM
MMario 18 Jan 01 - 01:08 PM
mousethief 18 Jan 01 - 01:33 PM
Jim Krause 18 Jan 01 - 02:20 PM
GUEST,LEJ 18 Jan 01 - 03:12 PM
Peter T. 18 Jan 01 - 03:19 PM
Naemanson 18 Jan 01 - 03:27 PM
mousethief 18 Jan 01 - 04:18 PM
Peter T. 18 Jan 01 - 04:22 PM
mousethief 18 Jan 01 - 04:24 PM
Peter T. 19 Jan 01 - 05:04 PM
katlaughing 19 Jan 01 - 10:55 PM
GUEST,appreciative audience 20 Jan 01 - 09:41 PM
Peter T. 21 Jan 01 - 08:50 AM
katlaughing 21 Jan 01 - 09:09 AM
Peter T. 21 Jan 01 - 09:23 AM
Matt_R 21 Jan 01 - 10:13 AM
Alice 21 Jan 01 - 11:09 AM
GUEST,Pollster 21 Jan 01 - 12:00 PM
Audi 21 Jan 01 - 12:54 PM
Peter T. 21 Jan 01 - 01:34 PM
Bill D 21 Jan 01 - 05:31 PM
wysiwyg 21 Jan 01 - 07:00 PM
wysiwyg 21 Jan 01 - 08:41 PM
wysiwyg 21 Jan 01 - 08:53 PM
Lonesome EJ 21 Jan 01 - 10:04 PM
katlaughing 22 Jan 01 - 12:03 AM
Audi 22 Jan 01 - 12:12 AM
Lonesome EJ 22 Jan 01 - 01:11 AM
katlaughing 22 Jan 01 - 01:13 AM
Peter T. 22 Jan 01 - 09:02 AM
Troll 22 Jan 01 - 10:42 AM
wysiwyg 22 Jan 01 - 11:05 AM
katlaughing 22 Jan 01 - 11:38 AM
katlaughing 08 Jan 09 - 12:27 AM
Don(Wyziwyg)T 08 Jan 09 - 01:46 PM
Don(Wyziwyg)T 08 Jan 09 - 01:49 PM
Amos 08 Jan 09 - 03:39 PM
gnu 08 Jan 09 - 05:09 PM
John MacKenzie 08 Jan 09 - 05:19 PM
katlaughing 08 Jan 09 - 09:43 PM
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Subject: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Peter T.
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 01:59 PM

"I was trying to write my suicide note, and forgot how to spell "asphyxiation". A friend (well, she was my friend, until the day I found her....but that is another story) told me about Mudcat, it is the only thing I am grateful to her for, sorry, and I was able to find the help I needed in a mattery of seconds."
- a satisfied user, Knife Forks, S. Dakota.

"Best site for miniature instruments, ever. I found a whole bunch of other hamster harmonica players, and we rooty-toot-toot to beat the band now."
-Dominic S., 8 years old (not his real age), Texas A & M.

"I placed my VISA card on top of my computer, called up Mudcat, and within moments my credit limit was raised. Also, I have received more recently many invitations to become a Platinum Card member of some very prestigious associations, such as the Diners Club and American Express, to which I could never have aspired before. Mudcat is in the air, I think."
--Gretchen, parolee, Betty Ford Clinic, California.

"You know how there is this way of curling your thumb over top of your guitar and playing bass notes. I was unable to do this, until I read about Finger Yoga on Mudcat. Since then, through Meditation, I have been able to pursue my career as a blues player on many highly recommended street corners in major cities. Thumbs down, Mudcat!!"
- "Fingers" McGraw, penguin, disguised as a chicken, Main Street, Dubuque, Iowa.

"u have restored mi faith in the gudness of technology. How can i ever repay u?"
-Daphne, president of Compaq.

"For deep cleansing, I always recommend Mudcat."
-Martha Stewart.


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Peter T.
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 02:11 PM

"Upon reflection, we have decided that the proposed national missile defense shield is the stupidest idea that has come down the pike since the Maginot Line. In one of our meetings Mudcat was put forward as a substitute, which would encourage the exchange of good feelings between peoples of many nations. Thank you, Mudcat, for your contribution to changing the thinking of the incoming administration!!"
-D. Rumsfeld, Washington (bound).

"WE HAD BEEN CONSIDERING THE OBLITERATION OF YOUR INSIGNIFICANT PLANET UNTIL BREZLBLEEPORB FURBED UP AT OUR MEETING AND SAID THAT HE HAD BEEN A MEMBER OF MUDCAT FOR SOME TIME, AND THAT IT WAS REALLY ZORBLE. WE HAVE CHECKED YOU OUT, AND YOU ARE ZORBLE. WE HAVE DECIDED NOT TO OBLITERATE YOU FOR THE MOMENT."
- Ghlorbalsoz the Third, Supreme Leader of the Betelgueuse Obliteration Army.


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Troll
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 02:16 PM

I was lonely and depressed. Then I found Mudcat.
Now I have even more to be lonely and depressed about.
Thank you Max. Thank you Mudcat. Whatever would I do without you.

signed:Lonely and Depressed

troll


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: MMario
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 02:18 PM

cabin fever striking?


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: mousethief
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 02:20 PM

I had no idea how to tell the difference between a real folkie and a singer/songwriter until I visited Mudcat. Now I am in the know!
---Henry Kissinger, retired U.S. statemsan

Before Mudcat, my life was an endless round of rock-and-roll, greasy meals, and meaningless sex. Now, I have something to live for!
---Liam Gallagher, lead singer, Oasis

Boi ecky, it's gurt.
---a hedgehog from Redwall


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 02:23 PM

Hey, in the REAL world, when I was at that chantey sing with chanteyranger and melani and bunches of other members in San Fran a couple of weeks ago, the subject of Mudcat came up, and chanteyranger was proselytizing about how great it is for lyrics, and chords, and all that music stuff, when someone (NOT a member but apparently a lurker) went into a whole independent tirade about, in particular, how great the DT was, and what a great resource it is, and how it's the only thing like it on the net, and so on. We didn't even have to pay him...


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Peter T.
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 02:24 PM

"Recemment, at a meeting of the Academie Francaise, one of our members stood up and suggested that Le Mudchat had opened his eyes to many things, and one in particular. After an impassioned speech, the scales fell from our eyes. We looked at each other as if we had awoken from a bad dream. Within moments we signed an apology to the people of France for having been deluded into liking all those Jerry Lewis films, and for decorating Sylvester Stallone. What could have possessed us all those years? Quel horreur!! You have restored the honour of France, messieurs et mesdames!!!"
Avec tous mes sinceres felicitations, Pierre Pierre-Pierre, President, Academie Francaise.


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 02:27 PM

I dreamed I Was At The Mudcat Cafe In My Maidenform.

~Da Flooz


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Troll
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 02:34 PM

Mudcat is the only thing I have ever found that really controlls my acne. Thanks Mudcat.

Oasis fan

troll


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Peter T.
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 02:40 PM

"So, like, I am beautiful and smart and talented and I am alone and a friend says there are hot guys on this place called the Mudcat, but I think, No way, virtual slime, but she says, no try, and I come on, and after awhile I keep running across this one guy, and we start communicating while we are communicating, if you get me, and then he e-mails me, and then we get on the phone, and at the end of the conversation he says that his name is "Brad", and I say, oh yeah, like "Brad Pitt", and he says, exactly like, and how's that for Mudcat power, we are seeing each other again? I have given the URL to my pals Meg and Elizabeth. I mean, weird or what?"
-Gwyneth (real name), Hollywood and New York.


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: MMario
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 02:40 PM

I tried every diet and diet pill known to medical science . I even tried the ab buster, the gut buster, the ab rocker and "buns of steel". My home and garage are filled with "easy to use" home gyms. But nothing has ever taken the weight off and kept it off like MudCat! A minute or two of surfin' the 'cat each day does it!

Ann R. Exeter


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 02:44 PM

Le chat au boue surely, Peter (but NOT le chat au merde!)
RtS (I was a 12-stone weakling and musical no-hoper till I discovered Mudcat. Now I empty virtual bedpans in an imaginary asylum for the terminally screwed)


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Wesley S
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 02:45 PM

I haven't had to tune my instruments since I found the Mudcat. I'm so busy online that I never play them anymore.


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 03:00 PM

Wesley S.:

I think you've missed the idea. These are supposed to be fictional, I think, and you're cutting too darn close to the truth! :-D

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: catspaw49
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 03:02 PM

Funny as the other ones are, Skiff and Wesley both have the ring of truth in theirs which makes them even funnier!

Spaw


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 03:10 PM

(ring of truth)...

I've lost weight riding my exercise bike and listening to PalTalk.


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Kim C
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 03:22 PM

Thanx to Mudcat I am so much more entertaining now that I have so many useless bits of BS rolling around in my head like so many BBs in an empty tuna can.

Imagene Poole Bumpass, VA


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 03:30 PM

My greatest aspiration was to become a better songwriter than Elton John. I struggled for years. It was only under the tutelage of the Mudcat's Gaelic Goddess that I realized I had finally succeeded! Thanks, Max!!!

R. Zimmerman, singer/songwriter


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: SINSULL
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 03:38 PM

Max is the Gaelic Goddess? What exactly was he up to over the holidays?


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: mousethief
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 03:41 PM

Obviously, he was having a sex- and nationality-change operation.


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: dwditty
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 03:59 PM

I used to be a newsgroup addict.
Now, I am a Mudcat addict.

dw


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 04:58 PM

(Max is not the Gaelic Goddess)

~S~


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: MMario
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 05:01 PM

of course not. if He were the Gaelic Goddess then he would spell his name MÁX


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: GUEST,Old Pube
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 05:13 PM

I no longer require Viagra. Praise the lord it's a miracle! Since reading the postings of Peg, Audi and other "available" female Mudcatters, my compass consistently points towards the horizon, and my soldier now springs to attention upon demand. Initially I was going to thank Payne Webber, but the credit should really go to Mudcat.


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: GUEST,Amergin@work
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 05:25 PM

Thanks for telling us that, Kendall....


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Peter T.
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 05:46 PM

"Dear cousin Elizabeth,
How I have missed you, but I bring you inspiring news. At last my experiments have come to fruition, after all my efforts, the years at Wittenberg, the deep alchemical studies, and the endless anatomical researches. During last night's thunderstorm, the creature finally lived!!!! Thanks to the blessed Mudcat web site, from which I learned the elements I would need to make the perfect Folkenstein monster, ranging from the thumb of Big Bill Broonzy to the broken toe of R. Fielding, I was successful beyond my wildest dreams. Unfortunately, early this morning I discovered that my monster had gone on tour, and was last seen being pursued by the villagers carrying torches. I am however sure that it will all turn out for the best, and that many major record labels who have certainly created synthetic music acts in the past will be knocking on my door in the immediate future to learn how to do this scientifically. I owe it all to the Mudcat.

yours ever, your beloved, Victor.


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Peter T.
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 06:00 PM

Members of the Nobel Committee, Honoured Friends, I wish to take this opportunity to speak briefly about what Mudcat has for me done. It is true that this award has come to me for my studies in Brownian motion, and the expectation that my essays in special relativity would lead to the resolution of the question of the ether, among other problems. For many years I have been struggling to create a simple solution to the transformation of energy into matter problem. What could E equal? mass divided by the square of the speed of sound? gravitational forces multiplied by infinity? Often I toyed with the equation E=MT1, MA2, but to no avail. Then, one day, as I was swirling a glass of muddy water, analysing the Brownian motion, Max Planck phoned me up and said that there was an interesting thread on Muddy Water on the e-site called Mudcat. Instantly I had the answer!! E=Mudcat Squared!!!!!!E=MC2!!!! It is to this noble institution that I owe this prize, and also humanity owes the prospect of a nuclear holocaust. Congratulations, Catters!!!!"
--Albert Einstein, physicist, humanitarian, Mudcatter Emeritus.


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Matt_R
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 06:04 PM

Hey, what's with all the Oasis jokes?


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: mousethief
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 06:10 PM

And what's wrong with Oasis jokes?


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Peter T.
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 06:34 PM

Dear Mr. Darcy,

Following the extraordinary scene that recently transpired between us, during which it became abundantly clear to me that your pride in your station, while admirable in its own way, was not conducive to my seeing your proposal as anything other than the condescension of the fortunate towards the less fortunate in means, opportunity, and family connections. Nevertheless, in what I may say has been the only positive result of having such younger sisters as I have been blessed with, my two youngest sisters (not Jane, of whose merits we disagree, and whose prospects have been blighted by your successful efforts at thwarting a relationship that would have blessed both parties), spoke to me of an Internet site called the Mudcat; to which I repaired, and into which I injected the following question: Have I been prejudiced unjustly against the pretentions of Mr. Darcy?
It appears to be the universal response of the collective wisdom, to which I certainly incline whenever possible, without betraying my own instinct for the right; that I have, in fact, been prejudging you, and have not fully taken into account certain facts concerning another gentleman which, had I but known them earlier, would have cast our relationship in a quite different light.

I am therefore willing to reconsider, and, should you not have left for your own family seat, perhaps together we might be able, thanks to the Mudcat, to forgive each other our flaws, and pursue as deliberately as we can, the swiftest road to that happiness, which, yourself being willing, could not but be ungrudgingly accepted by one who, whatever the response, will continue to be,
your most obedient Mudcat servant,
Elizabeth Bennett


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Matt_R
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 07:01 PM

I was just wondering where the trend came from. Can we pick on 'NStynk instead??


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Troll
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 07:23 PM

I was an NSYNK fan until I read the posts of Matt_R on Mudcat. Thanks to his insightful and carefully thought out analysis of the relative merits of the Brothers Gallager, I am now a fan of Oasis.They remind my dad of HIS favorite group, The Beatles.
Thanks Mudcat and Matt_R.

Debbie Dribbledrool

troll


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: NightWing
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 07:41 PM

*ROTFL*

Matt, you left yourself WIDE OPEN for that one. (Where DID you learn to be such a good straight man?)

*LOL*

BB,
NightWing


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: ddw
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 08:20 PM

I thought Oasis was a joke — or maybe just a mirage....


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Matt_R
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 08:28 PM

Well, I knew it'd turn to this sooner or later. Bye.


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: kendall
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 08:34 PM

I'll have you know I posted under a false name only once! And, that was not on the forum, but, hearme.


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Troll
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 08:34 PM

Matt_R, I would have you remember the advice that the mother whale gave to her baby:
"It's only when yer spoutin' that you'll get harpooned."

troll


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 08:55 PM

Mudcat RULES!

-anonymous teenager*

*Not my real age


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 09:20 PM

Peter T,

You are a genius Sir. One glance at what are obviously warm-up exercises for a mind that stands above the ordinary path, a soul that transcends the mortal, is enough to show this to even an incidental observer. I charge thee, get thee to thy Mac! Reflect how tedious a world it is that is denied the light you have to contribute! How dare you postpone the generation of such a bright and strong addition to the collective mind of our under-gifted species! Fie! To work, to work!

Regards,

A


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: John Hardly
Date: 16 Jan 01 - 09:40 PM

...yeah, what Amos said.

JH


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Sorcha
Date: 17 Jan 01 - 01:27 AM

I used to have a clean house, fresh laundry, and a balanced checkbook with the bills all paid. Now, my carpets and toilet are filthy, I never learn new tunes, I have all these MIDI programs to sort out, and the cats say the litter boxes are full!

I used to have to cook 5 nights a week, but now it's down to 2. I used to have a bottle of White Out, but now I have MS Word. I used to comb my dogs, but now I have 'Cats.......I used to say "Screw the lyrics, what is the TUNE?", but now I have the DT and Copernic......I owe it all to the MudCat Cafe, where I can perform in my MaidenForm.....(if I just owned one!!!)

I used to think "html" was shorthand for HotMail, I used to think MIDI was a skirt length, I used to think Anvil was a tool used by a blacksmith!! Now I know better!! All due to the MudCat Cafe. All Hail King Max!!

Little Miss Bright Fire (not my real name)
age: 12 and holding...........(It was a very good year)


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: katlaughing
Date: 17 Jan 01 - 02:03 AM

As a wild prairie child, I used to run with the wolves, howl at the moon and take my pleasure anywhere it suited me. I eschewed the trappings of what little society dotted the barren plains, preferring that of the four-leggeds. I swam in ice cold water, caught trout in my hands with the bears, soared like an eagle in the dawn's earliest light.

Then, one day, while I was thus soaring, and even when I was thus fishing, yes, even whilst I was thus running, my eagle eyes espied the most extraordinary light. It glowed in the night, it sent rays high into the sky, almost obliterating that of the stars and the moon. As I drew closer to it, I saw it was in a lonely, one room cabin of the two leggeds. Creeping up to it, I peeked through the window and was mesmerised by what I saw.

My brothers and sisters howled at me to turn back before it was too late. The fish jumped and splashed as hard as they could. The eagle dive-bombed me, swooshing me with her strong and hard ribbed feathers as if to beat me away, while the bears gathered at the edge of the clearing and growled their dismay.

Too late, I realised I was being drawn into the cabin, as through a magic looking glass. There I sat in awe while the glow before me coalesced into strange names such as Spaw, Little Neophyte, Ickle Dorrit and the like. Then more appeared with long written messages which I was magically able to understand, and then...ah, it brings tears to my eyes now to recall it...and then, suddenly I heard the gravely voice of an Ancient Mariner singing some long forgotten lullaby, something I'd heard before I was left to the wolves. Then some other started singing a low down blues which grabbed me from the soles of my feet, pulled me up and I became One with the All and suddenly knew that MUD was thicker than Water and I was officially a Mudcatter!!

Since then my life has been a complete transformation. I no longer run with anyone, two or four-legged, I never fish or see bears, except when they come in to hibernate, and I haven't taken to the air since that fateful night, either. I have joined the best of the two-leggeds and I owe it all to the Mudcat Cafe, the place for homebodies and if you aren't one when you get there, you will be soon...just like me! Thanks, Mudcat!

Ms. Also Ran With the Wolves


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Sorcha
Date: 17 Jan 01 - 02:15 AM

But do you Dance??


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: katlaughing
Date: 17 Jan 01 - 02:19 AM

Damn! How'd I miss getting that one in there!?? Hell, yes, I dance!! LMAO!!!

I know, I know, I was going to bed ages ago, and am really going now...got there and couldn't sleep...story of my last few years!


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Amergin
Date: 17 Jan 01 - 02:21 AM

Because of the MudKat?


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Lady McMoo
Date: 17 Jan 01 - 03:17 AM

"Mudcat ROCKS....!"

Jeff Lynne


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: GUEST,Fibula Mattock
Date: 17 Jan 01 - 06:08 AM

I didn't used to know the definition of folk music. Now I still don't. Thanks Mudcat!


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 17 Jan 01 - 06:17 AM

I used to think Oasis was where Al-Hansell, Sheik of Mudcat, watered his camels....
Now I know at least one US 'Catter knows what a Brummie is.
Cheers, Matt (they only tease you 'cause they're jealous of your youth and wide repertoire!
RtS (hear that:"Woof woof": that's the most characteristic Mudcat sound, Roger the Skiffler, barking up the wrong tree)


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Lady McMoo
Date: 17 Jan 01 - 06:23 AM

"Don't know where I'd be without Mudcat"

shorty


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: GUEST,Peter T.
Date: 17 Jan 01 - 08:56 AM

Ooowwwwooowwwooo!! hilarious, kat. yours, Peter T.


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: GUEST,Peter T.
Date: 17 Jan 01 - 09:09 AM

"Wull, Squire, Oi was 'ere with my colleagues -- Oi call 'em colleagues, but we ain't nothin' more than rough pirates, if we be understandin' one another -- and we was 'aving yet one more argiment over if it was 10 paces from the tree on the right, or 10 from the tree on the left, and this fool parrot that 'as prevented me often from bein' able to discover a boon female shipmate owin' to the droppin's on my shoulder, says, "Awwwwk, try Mudcat, pheeweeep, try, Try Mudcat, Awwwwk". So Squire, that is just wot we did, and, by Davy Jones' locker, 'ere it is -- Treasure, TREASURE, doubloons, pieces of eight, just winkin' at you, bedevillin' yer mind, blessin' yer pardon, Sir!!!!!! An' Oi don't mind revealin' to you just wot it said about sharin' out the wealth either, Squire, if you'd just be pleased to stand over there where the view from this curs'd island is both singolar and most precipitous!!!!!"


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Ella who is Sooze
Date: 17 Jan 01 - 09:09 AM

mcmoo...lol

Mudcat is the bees knees

The dogs b*****s

The cats whiskers

The cats pyjamas

And I just so happened to be looking for some song words once, and wandered by after 'Asking Jeeves' to go find me a site that did just that....

Ever since - I'm a 5 a day mudcatter.

Though have managed to cut back on the weekends.

Ella


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: John Hardly
Date: 17 Jan 01 - 12:20 PM

I used to [insert sepia tone photo of unidentifiable old person] produce documentaries of exhaustive proportion [voice over interupts and describes documentaries, complete with superlatives--"first", "greatest", "unsurpassed", "any-other-word-that-ends-in-est"][fade to new sepia tone photo, this time of unidentifiable bungalow] until sued by Winton Marsalis for having relied entirely on his expertise [fade to new sepia tone photo--Winton and Branford on mother's lap] for the content of my last documentarty. Now I sit, bleary eyed in front of my computer screen, Jack Daniels my only 3D companion, and mudcat my life away.

...god, I've never been so happy

K. Burns


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: katlaughing
Date: 17 Jan 01 - 12:30 PM

thank yew, PeterT...you are my life, my in-spi-ra-tion, the one that I ....ummmm..uh-oh that was a rock song, not folk, wasn't it?!! LOL!!


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Crazy Eddie
Date: 18 Jan 01 - 02:13 AM

Here is a small section of what I have learned on Mudcat
Horses don't sing no songs.
A reel isn't only for fishing.
A jig isn't only for machining metal (or fishing).
NEVER replace a faulty fuse with a round of live Ammo.
Not all folkies live on kippers & real Ale.
Rick Fielding is GOD (or not depending on your belief system).
Irish & Bluegrass are NOT the only types of music in existance.
NOBODY should make jokes about Bob Dylan or OASIS.
Blowing up a possums ass should be left to professionals

"Mudcat is more educational than a whack on the head with a large sack of nails"
Crazy Eddie


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Crazy Eddie
Date: 18 Jan 01 - 02:20 AM

Oh, & one more thing!
Always proofread B4 U post.
For "section" read "selection"


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Naemanson
Date: 18 Jan 01 - 06:25 AM

I used to be fat, bald, and wear slick polyester liesure suits. Then I discovered Mudcat and that all changed. I grew a thick head of hair, lost 50 pounds and discovered rolling bands of muscle, and I wear clothing made of all natural fibers.

Now if only I could figure out what to do with this tipple!


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Lady McMoo
Date: 18 Jan 01 - 09:34 AM

"Mudcat? ....the Devil take it!"

Robert Johnson


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Peter T.
Date: 18 Jan 01 - 10:09 AM

"It was fine and hard and everything one could want in a Web site. It was clean and had good lines. You could come to it in the early morning and it would be like morning in the Masai, with a big hunting rifle and the fear of death in your nostrils. You could turn it on and it was there like the first Pernod in Harry's Bar, after you had seen the Bellini Madonna in the Accademmia, the greatest painting in the world. It was a place like the Cafe where he sat with Gertrude and Marcel and F. Scott and Zelda and they talked about Cap d'Antibes, and she was sitting at the next table drinking anise, and she leant over and said: "Oh, are you Americans, too?" and they invited her over, and then before too much time had passed, before it all went bad, they had all been happy. The kind of place that was noisy and still and full of blood at the same time, like Manolete poised before the last bull of the day, cursing under his breath the insolent picador who had misplayed his shaft, and had wrecked what could have been the finest of all bulls, the finest of all deaths. When he turned it on, it connected him, and it was good and true. It was not Venice with Sarah in the Spring of 23 when they stayed with the Count on the Lido; it was not the great tussle with "El Capitain" the legendary marlin, when even the Cuban fell asleep in the long night; it was not even Barcelona in that brief moment of revolution when even the barbers insisted on calling you Comrade; it was not Josephine Baker knocking on your door in Pigalle at daybreak asking for cigarettes or champagne; but it was what it was, it was Mudcat. It was good."


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Troll
Date: 18 Jan 01 - 12:38 PM

Damn Peter. Is there no end to your talent? You write things I can't even think.
I shall slink off into the darkness, burn my keyboard and wear mittens-even in summer- lest someone ask if I can write and then compare my feeble ramblings to your diamond-hard prose.

troll


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: mousethief
Date: 18 Jan 01 - 12:52 PM

Although I was good, lahving father and husband, and dewoted Chreestian, I now realize I was lousy Tsar, and thees lead directly to Rewolution. I wish I had Mudket back then. I lirn so mahch from Mudket! Eef I had only known theese theengs back then, pairhaps I could have beeen bettar Tsar, and obwiated bloody Soviet Rewolution.

Nicholas II, Tsar of all the Russias, Emperor of Moscow, Siberia, and the Kazakh Steppes, etc., etc., etc.


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: MMario
Date: 18 Jan 01 - 01:08 PM

Gentlemen:

Who hasn't secretly wanted a firmer, harder, larger-then life style of prose? tired of soft edges to your arguments? Laughed at for having a limp delivery? Try MUDCAT - recommended by milli thousa dozens of people worldwide!

*void where prohibited by law

**results may vary

***if after 30 days you are not satisfied with the MUDCAT product you may return it for only 10 easy payments of US $29.95 and 20,000 pepsi notes


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: mousethief
Date: 18 Jan 01 - 01:33 PM

We are amused.

-Her Royal Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, Defender of the Faith, Queen of Great Britain, Northern Island, and the Channel Islands, etc.


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Jim Krause
Date: 18 Jan 01 - 02:20 PM

"Blottkaut, gaunz kloa un eenfach!"
Fritz de Oolteglüdre, Plautdietschdarp, Kaunsaslaunt

Fritz doesn't speak English too well, but he's pretty excited about the Mudcat. He's mostly a lurker, you know.


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: GUEST,LEJ
Date: 18 Jan 01 - 03:12 PM

Peter, when you are in earnest, you are definitely in ernest

Giacomo- We must haste home. I fear some dire consequence hangs on this night, should I not come quickly to my computer!

Bonguano- What pricks thy heels to such sharp report? Only a PC? Thou might conclude thy round of Command and Conquer in the morning, when jocund day stands tip-toe in the petunias, peering through the window at the naked, blushing dawn!

Gia.- 'Tis not the computer itself that hurries me, Bonguano, but a certain fish that lurks within the still pool of the glistening screen.

Bon.- Ha! What manner of fish doth so disport itself for thy pleasure? Methinks it be one who does not bite the bait, but baits thee with its bytes?

Gia.- Thou speakst true, Bonguano, for this fish is the very Mudcat that swims the depths of the cyber stream and is not caught, but catches those who pursue him.

Bon.- Then methinks he is a most dangerous fish indeed!

Gia.- Not so, for he doth, in catching fisherman, bless them with such worthy thoughts and music that they would not be free of him!

Bon.- Then, my friend, I myself shall be a fisherman for this fish!

Gia.- Then count thee, and me, among those upon the stringer!

(in laughter, they exit stage right)


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Peter T.
Date: 18 Jan 01 - 03:19 PM

Fine work (and a tip of the quill to LEJ, the man who really wrote Francis Bacon). yours, Peter T.


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Naemanson
Date: 18 Jan 01 - 03:27 PM

sics munths ago i cudn't spel mudcat now i are wun

mortimer snerd


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: mousethief
Date: 18 Jan 01 - 04:18 PM

If I weren't so dead, I just might give this-hyear Mudcat thing a try.

-Elvis Presley


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Peter T.
Date: 18 Jan 01 - 04:22 PM

And through those summer evenings , when the stars shone over the great mansions like infinitesimal Chinese lanterns, I wandered over the lawns of the rich as if I were the ghost of some forgotten guest. Sometimes, standing in the warm shadows, I would see a bluish light emanating from the elegant library of the nearest and grandest house; and I knew that it was my mysterious neighbour whom I had never met. Some nights the blue light would be on until daybreak; some nights, especially when the famous parties were in swing, it would not come on but once, at the end of the night, perhaps illuminating some dishevelled array of wayward partygoers as they made their way to the end of Gatsby's drive.

Then one weekend morning, quite casually, I came upon Gatsby strolling along the water's edge, looking occasionally and wistfully out into the Sound. "Hello," he said, fixing me with his glance, "You're my neighbour, aren't you?"
I replied that I was, and wasn't it a beautiful summer we were having.
"Are we?" he said, and then, as if coming awake, he said: "Yes, I suppose we are." And he walked on.
We met occasionally out walking after that, and during one of these meetings he suddenly said to me: "Sport, you don't know anything about computers, do you?"
I did. It was one of the few things that I learned in the Midwest before coming East.
"That is wonderful, sport, because I need some help. Can you come over right now?"
We went up his elegant stairs, through his elegant rooms, and came into the library.
"What," I said, "What is your problem?"
He looked at me cooly. "I have this computer, the best there is, but all the searching I have done on this thing they call the Web has failed me. I recently heard of something called the Mudcat. I want it to help me find someone. Someone I lost a long time ago. A woman."
"Oh," I said. "Nothing easier. I'll just pull it up. What is the woman's name?"
"Daisy", he said. And then as a distasteful afterthought he added: "Buchanan. Daisy Buchanan."
I showed him how to create a thread, created it -- Looking For Woman, Voice Like Money? -- and left him in his big mansion alone.
I forgot about Gatsby and his search -- I had searches of my own to conduct -- until one night he knocked feverishly on my door. I opened it, and he stood there in his pale suit, for all the world like an apparation, like a nobleman on one of Watteau's boats, sailing towards some distant musical island. "I found her, sport, just as you said, and it was Mudcat that did it!" He tugged on my arm. "Come, see, you cannot believe what a coincidence it is. She sent me a message by reply, and her address; and can you believe it is just there, across the water."
He pointed towards the other shore. "You see, she is there! All this time she was there, and I didn't know. All these parties, all of it -- they were all in hope that one day she might appear. You see that tiny bluish light? She too is at her computer, thinking of me, sending me messages! Is it not wonderful, sport?"
I tried to see that bluish light that meant so much to him, but squint as I might I could not. So after a few minutes I left him there, gazing. Perhaps it was there. It didn't really matter. It responded to his dreams whether it was there or not. Just as the Mudcat will respond to our dreams, borne as we are endlessly along its virtual flow. It will connect us to some great truth, some vision embodied in a tiny bluish light, connected for the last time perhaps in our history with something commensurate with our capacity for wonder. Someday, it will, but not quite yet.


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: mousethief
Date: 18 Jan 01 - 04:24 PM

Whereas, the party of the first part, hereonout known as the Mudcatter, does regularly read, visit, share, converse, participate, and/or post on, at, by, with, for, over, to, above, beyond, between, and beneath the party of the second part, hereonout known as The Mudcat Café, be it known to all men by these presents that the Mudcatter does hereby praise, acclaim, laud, honor, and/or salute the Mudcat Café, on account of, through, and resulting in, the aforementioned reading, visitation, sharing, conversing, participation, and/or posting. This notice is not meant as a binding legal contract, nor may it be construed as one by any state, nation, municipality, province, or locality, notwithstanding any local, regional, or national laws applying thereunto.


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Peter T.
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 05:04 PM

Slowly, with great trepidation, he turned on the machine, and then pushed the lever forward an inch. Nothing happened. He looked down at his watch, and then cursed himself for forgetting to check on the time beforehand. He pushed the lever forward again, a bit further this time, and the screen glowed into life, and the Mudcat site appeared. He scanned a few lines, and then, almost without thinking about it, looked down at his watch. Three hours had passed!! He looked beyond the confines of the great machine that encompassed him. Nothing had changed, it was still night.

He took a deep breath, and pushed the lever forward again. The Mudcat image glowed, the threads unravelled, he got caught up in a discussed of dropped-D tuning, and he suddenly saw the sun come through the curtains of his study, and he knew that it was day. He kept on, and then it was dark again; and he took his heart in his hands, and pushed the lever strongly forward. Now the day and the night supplanted each other with a gathering swiftness, and he continued to read thread after thread, and then, out of the corner of his eye he saw the walls of his study disappear, and then he was in the yard, which had grown up fantastically within instants, and now it engulfed him, and then just as suddenly there was bare light, and he looked up from his machine, stopped the lever, and everything slowed to a halt.

He gingerly stepped out of his machine, and walked to the front gate, which was no longer there. In front of him stretched a vast road in all directions upon which innumerable vehicles strangely propulsive whirred and honked. It was stifling hot, and the sky was strangely pierced with light. He looked down at his feet, and there he saw a wayward piece of a yellowed newspaper, which he eagerly picked up. It was torn, but one corner remained, and he read: "President Jefferson Davis Bush greets his grandparents George W. and Hilary Bush at his Inaugural Powwow." The picture was of three people in protective radiation suits waving at a crowd of people all also in protective radiation suits. This shook him for a moment. By brief calculation he decided that he must be approximately 80 years into the future. So the machine had worked after all!!

He turned, and went back into his machine, and pushed the lever all the way forward. The screen glowed brightly, and he began to read threads once more. Around him, time blurred, quickened, and he hurtled ever faster through unnumbered centuries . Night and day blurred into shades of gray, and then he was submerged underwater, and then there was a vast explosion, and he was hurtled and buffetted from side to side. He held onto the machine for dear life, and endless waves of time rolled over him. And then the screen went black. The machine stuttered, and stopped, somewhere in the unexplored aeons of futurity!!


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: katlaughing
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 10:55 PM

Borrowing a word, "frel" from "Farscape"

What the frel! By all the gawds and gawddesses, come look at this! It seems we've a genteel traveler from back anon...what's that he's saying? Of all the frelling things, can you imagine that? He's using that arcane language, you know, can't tell what the frelling hell he's saying. Go get Professor Petritus Teonius, he'll know.

Professer T, listen to this, he's come from a ways back, odd first one we've had from that ancient time, you know the Shrubocene Era? Yeah, and he only speaks that language you specialise in, that Mmmmuuuthat, or, oh frel it, you know! Mudcat? Yeah that's it! Mudcat, can you understand what he's asking about? The only thing I can make out is some frelling thing about a 'S'pa and a Ta'Vern, what the frel are those?

What's that you say, ProfTy? He's your WHAT?? What the frel??? If he's your greatx's20 grandpa what the hell? How in frelling hell did he DO that and how can you be here with him at the same time? ProfTy, you okay? Hey, everyone wants to know, HOW???

OH? He says he owes it all to the, the, ummm, THE Mudcat??? The one and only original from whence came his language?? So, we owe it all to this Mudcat, too? Or, we wouldn't have you? Well, do tell...let's get back to that excavation gents and get to resurrecting that sucker. C'mon, what the frel are you waiting for!! All for the Mudcat, here we go!!!

Katlauphia Pulchritudinia, Director
Intergalatic Traveler's Bureau and Mass Excavations of Cultural Icons

Come see the real excavated Possum's Ass...
listen to the wind blown through its cavity...
authentic folk relics of other bygone realms!!

VISIT NOW - ADMISSION ONLY
2 million frelling banjos!


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: GUEST,appreciative audience
Date: 20 Jan 01 - 09:41 PM

too good to let die


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Peter T.
Date: 21 Jan 01 - 08:50 AM

[kat, do you by any chance look like Tuesday Weld?]


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: katlaughing
Date: 21 Jan 01 - 09:09 AM

[PeterT, if I did "would you hold it against me?" *BG*]


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Peter T.
Date: 21 Jan 01 - 09:23 AM

He had spent three wonderful days among these sweet Mudcat people, who called themselves Eloi, and all of whom bore a surprising resemblance to Tuesday Weld, but his heart chafed to see more of this future time. There was also this strange mystery, a kind of fear that possessed the Eloi.

As dusk fell every night, they moved indoors, into their cabins, and there, by the light of drip candles, they sang "Blowing in the Wind", "Pretty Peggy-O", and "Colours" to the sounds of guitars. He had been initially surprised that so many of these songs had survived the countless millenia between his time and theirs, but he was even more surprised when at the end of each song, the circle of Eloi would murmur: "Groovy, man" or "Give Peace a Chance". But the song circle of Eloi was more of a huddled circle, against the darkness outside; rather than a circle of joy. Once, one of the group to which he had become attached had become somewhat drugged on something he was smoking, and in spite of entreaties, had opened the door and wandered out into the night. Within a few moments, a shriek of horror and pain was heard in the near distance. The Time Traveller leapt to his feet, but the Eloi sat there, and tuned their instruments.

"What was that?" he cried.

"O Traveller, who knows, man, " said the nearest Eloi. "Have some of this, take your mind off. He forgot the rules of the song circle."

When day broke, the Eloi once more moved out into the beautiful flowery world in which they lived, and spent their time gathering the luscious fruits and each other into their arms. As he passed through the blissful groups, his restlessness grew -- was there more to this world than endless verses of "Barbry Allan?"?

Then, at the end of one of his walks, he came upon what appeared to be a deep well, lipped by a great concrete circle in the middle of a lawn. He moved to the edge and looked down. There was blackness as far as he could see. But on the side of the well, there were rungs for climbing. He shrugged, and turned away, but as he did, he heard a sudden sound from deep below. It sounded like "In-a-gadda-da vida!!!!!" And there was a kind of clanging music than emanated from deep underground.

He was intrigued, and decided to hazard a descent. He clambered over the lip, and was beginning to climb down, when from every direction Eloi ran towards him, weeping and wailing. "Don't go down there, friend!" they clamoured.

"Why not?" he replied.

"Morlock, "they whimpered. "Bad Mudcat people. Rock music. Top 10!! Hard rock!! Unoriginal instruments!!"

He went down a few more rungs. There were harsh grinding sounds creeping up on him from the depths belows.

"No, no," they cried. "Morlock!!!!!!!! They EAT ELOI!!!"
And their horrible secret was out.


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Matt_R
Date: 21 Jan 01 - 10:13 AM

And us Morlock are DAMN proud of it, too.


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Alice
Date: 21 Jan 01 - 11:09 AM

I used to hang out with dwarves and get into lots of trouble. Now I stay home and read the Mudcat. It's alot safer. Thanks, Max.

Bilbo Baggins
Bag End


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: GUEST,Pollster
Date: 21 Jan 01 - 12:00 PM

Mudcat stole most of our web site visitors.
-Ralph Nader


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Audi
Date: 21 Jan 01 - 12:54 PM

(Bravos and bravas! Especially to you, Peter T.--you're on my Mudcat pedestal for this thread--and to you, Kat/katlaughing. )

Loomings.

Call me Oatmeal. Some months ago--never mind how long precisely--having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me for sure, I thought I would surf about a little and see the muddy-watery part of the cyberworld. It is a way I have of driving off the spleen, and regulating the cholesterol-ridden circulation. Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily passing gas before coffin warehouses, and climbing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my herpes gets such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong marsupial principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people's accordion's off--then, I account it high time to get to Mudcat as soon as I can. This is my substitute for pistol and balling. With a philosophical flourish Cato throws himself upon his sword; I quietly take to the bullshit and song. There is nothing surprising in this, for I love to laugh. If they but knew it, almost all men in their degree, some time or other, cherish very nearly the same feelings towards the musical and the ludicrous with me.

There now is your insular city of the Mudchattoes, belted round by musical wharves as British isles by choral reefs--comradery surrounds it with siren's song. Right and left, the streets take you musicward. Its extreme down-town is the battered DT, where that noble Max is washed by MIDI's (not WAVES), and cooled by Lyr Adds, which a few hours previous were out of sight of the man. Look at the crowds of folk-gazers there. Circumambulate the city of a dreamy Sabbath afternoon. Go from Ard Tack to The Zulu King, and from thence, by @bawdy @sick northward. What do you see?--Posted like un-silent (insolent?) sentinels all around the town, stand thousands upon thousands of mortal mudtoms and mudkitties fixed in lyrical reveries. Some leaning against their piles; some seated upon the peer-heads; some looking over the possum's asses from Orilla; some high aloft in the rigging, as if striving to get a still better assward peep. But these are all landsmen; of week days pent up in lath and plaster- tied to counters, nailed to benches, clinched to desks. How then is this? Are the playing fields gone? What do they here?

But look! here come more crowds, pacing straight for the folk-water, and seemingly bound for a dive. Strange! Nothing will content them but the extremest limit of the post; loitering under the shady lee of yonder lurking songhouses will not suffice. No. They must get just as nigh the water as they possibly can without falling--nay, even with falling, and head straight into the mud. And there they stand--miles of them--leagues. Inlanders all, they come from shady lanes and darkest alleys, red-light streets, prisons, or other porn venues--north, east, south, and west. Yet here they all unite. Tell me, does the magnetic virtue of the needles of the compasses of all those ships attract them thither? Or the magnetic personality of Joe Offer? Or is it simply the magnetic bras?

Once more. Say you are in the country; in some high land of lakes. Take almost any DT search you please, and ten to one it carries you down in a musical dale, and leaves you there by a pool in the stream--if not the stream of music, then certainly the stream of gutter-minded flux. There is magic in it. Let the most absent-minded of men be plunged in his deepest reveries--stand that man on his three legs, set his feet a-going, and he will inphallicably lead you to mudcatwater, if water there be in all that region. Should you ever be athirst in the great international dessert of life without laughter and song or even lime jello, try this experiment, if your caravan happen to be supplied with a metaphysical processor. Yes, as every one knows, folk music, friendship, and Mudcat water are wedded for ever.


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Peter T.
Date: 21 Jan 01 - 01:34 PM

Yes, In Thunder!! (great stuff, Audi)
yours, Peter T.


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Jan 01 - 05:31 PM

....what wonders are these? 47 years have I toiled in the monastary of St. Cloaca as a cloistered brother of the Recalcitrant Scribes, laboriously copying the texts of ancient ballads and their semi-related tunes; my fingers chilled in winter as my eyes strain to make out the details of dozens of versions of "Barbry Allen". This I did that they might not perish under the vagaries of modern 'music'.

Even as the first strains of "Rock Around the Clock" assulted my ears so many years ago, I swore that I would counter these evils with many copies of the TRUE songs.

Now, this glowing screen in the library, powered by teams of small furry rodents, shows me that, truly, my task is now redundant! Now, any supplicant so moved may obtain the required texts with only tiny movements of the wrist and 2 finger peckings at a keyboard that is vaguely similar to my Smith-Corona of my youth!

Verily, by access of the realm known as MUDCAT, it's database and it's shadowy denizens, all can be known!

I see my life as a scribe is over...now I return to the world...from Lazurus Flatulus, scribe, I become "Old Fart", curmudgeon and disciple of BIG Fart, catspaw49.. and lurk in the bowels of the Mudcat to strike FEAR into the hearts of POP/ROCK seekers.

This must be made official...therefore **clicketh thou here**


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Jan 01 - 07:00 PM

well boss i see you have been back to do some writing because you left many shreded papers lying about but you could at least have left a fresh sheet in the platen for me. you know it is very hard for me to get it in there myself but fortunately mehitabel came along and before she dropped off to sleep tired from her prowlings we were able to manage. and you know mehitabel crusty though she may be her song is always the same, toujours gai, toujours gai. that's mehitabel for you and why not i say.

archy


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Jan 01 - 08:41 PM

"I used to have trouble keeping a beat, but the sound cutouts at HearMe gave me a new understanding of rhythm. Now I can't keep my feet from tapping!"

~B. Bapa Loola


"My freinds all said I needed plastic surgery but I just came to the Mudcat. With all the people there that were hanging off my tits, an amazing thing happened! It must have been the exercises I did so I could drag these hangers-on around wherever I went!"

~Perky Hooters


"Mudcat gave a whole dimension to the folk process. I used to think it all had to be traditional. Now I know better-- it's ALL folk music!"

~ChooChoo Chiboogie

HEARmE GAVE N=ME A NEW UNDERSTANDING OF RHYTHM. nOW i CAN'T KEEP MY FOOT FROM TAPPING!


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Jan 01 - 08:53 PM

oops! Clones...


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 21 Jan 01 - 10:04 PM

Damn you cats are hip!

And so Starbuck found Ahab perched atop his three legged stool, pecking the keys and pondering the screen of his Presario, his thread requesting the lyrics to Albino Cetacean Blues now becoming an all-consuming obsession, so that, despite a dearth of responses, the old man sat far into the night, wrinkling his fate-scarred brow and clicking the refresh button, oblivious to the rumble of the bilge pumps below.

"Who's there?" hearing the footstep at the door, but not turning round to it. "On deck! Begone!"

"Captain Ahab mistakes; it is I. The oil in the hold is leaking, Sir. We must up Burtons and break out."

"Enough of your whaleman's jargon, blast you! Can't you see I'm busy? 'Up Burtons and break out'! Put it in plain English man!"

"I was speaking of the oil in the hold, sir. It leaks."

" Then take ye care that ye fix the leak, Sir, and if ye intrude on me again, by Bruce O and all the Childe Ballads, I'll have ye dressed in fish-net hose and paraded before the harpooneers!"

" But what will the owners say, Sir?"

" Let the frigging owners stand on Nantucket Beach chanting the third verse of The Death of Robin Hood until Hades produces frozen Margaritas! What cares Ahab! Wait....a new post!"

Starbuck glimpsed a musket loaded and waiting in the rack. "What shall ye do, Starbuck?" he thought. " Dispatch the old man, save the voyage, and free up the computer for some late-night Sexy Site surfing?" But mastering his emotions, he half calmly rose, and as he quitted the cabin, paused for an instant and said: "Thou hast outraged, not insulted me, Sir; but for that I ask thee not to beware of Starbuck; but let Ahab beware of Ahab; beware of thyself old man."

Ahab paid Starbuck no heed, only commenting: "Damned useless post; no help, no help." Ahab's voice was alive with pain, as if he had received a blow, and for a moment Starbuck's pity stirred. "No help," said the old man, " only Catspaw asking if this is the same Cetacean that won the 1947 Kentucky Derby."

However it was, the order was executed, and the Burtons hoisted.


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: katlaughing
Date: 22 Jan 01 - 12:03 AM

Bravo, LeeJ!! Audi, well done and thank you!

This Diary belongs to
Flora E. Trevalyn

Day 166 on the Trail: hot, dusty, no water in sight and not a breath of air stirring

We made ten miles yesterday, walking with our dress hems dragging in the dry alkali of this wasteland. With most of the water going to keep the horses alive, we've allowed ourselves only two swallows per day, three for the children.

I am quite sure the Wagon Leader has gone mad. He has promised us, for weeks, that the next stop, the next hill, the next horizon will be our promised Oasis, but I am sure we'll not find any of the sort within hundreds of miles, not the kind he has in mind!

The nights are cold, with brilliant starlight and I have argued our taking the way of the owl; hunting out our way, looking for the Land of Lost Songs, in the chilling comfort of darkness, but I plead in vain. WL looks even madder when I mention it, as if he sees things out there, things of menace to which we are blind.

Day 176: hot, dusty...few far off clouds with no promise of rain.

If we do not find the LofLS, soon, I fear we shall all lose our voices. No one can remember. Last night around the fire, someone struck up a half-tune, two bars at the most, then trailed off into a sorrow of regret. The children don't even know what a lully is, poor things.

I had the first dream of many weeks, last night...do I dare write it down? I am afraid I will jinx it if I do...maybe it will come true if I keep it a secret? It brings me hope.

Day 186: the clouds are closer now, still hot, but I can smell rain!

This in uncannily like the beginning of my dream...I shall sleep well tonight and dream it up some more. Perhaps tomorrow we will finally find our way! I remembered a few more lines of a lully my dear mother used to sing...tumble in bed...something, something..the stars are in the sky...something...etc. Oh, my heart's love! May my dream be so!

Day 196: great merciful heavens! It rained six nights ago... cool, refreshing rain!

We caught it in buckets and pans and our hats and ran and jumped and played like the children. My skin soaked up the moisture, even as it ran in muddy runnels down my dust-streaked face!

It was the opening of my dream and now it has been fulfilled! We have found it...the Land of Lost Songs!! Now we have the real name of it...it's denizens met us with fine mint mead, they welcomed us and made merry. They tucked the children in and sang to them; they encircled our weak and ailing and sang them into youth and health; they took us into the Valley and walked o'er the sod with us, all the while singing all of the Lost Songs, all of the verses, all of the stories!!

Oh my dearhearts, I am so replete with music and tunes. The community, the caring, the games, the play...one journey's end begins a whole new life and I am fulfilled in new ways and I owe it all to the Land of Lost Songs, what I know now is called The Mudcat! May you join us, soon....

Yours ever,
Flora


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Audi
Date: 22 Jan 01 - 12:12 AM

(LOL!! Lonesome EJ!)

"Thaaaarrrr she blooooowwws!" --Captain Ahab

(Of course in reference to Mudcat.)


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 22 Jan 01 - 01:11 AM

Very nice, Katlaughing


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: katlaughing
Date: 22 Jan 01 - 01:13 AM

Why thank yew, my LeeJ...just a bit of a twist of the long haul old Ahab suffered, eh? You fellahs are my Muses, so inspiring!:-)


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Peter T.
Date: 22 Jan 01 - 09:02 AM

Nice work. You are all Muser friendly....yours, Peter T.


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Troll
Date: 22 Jan 01 - 10:42 AM

kat, did you HAVE to mention Oasis? You know how Matt_R gets.

troll


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 22 Jan 01 - 11:05 AM

Peter, this has an awful long load time with all the long posts. If you go again, can you make a second thread? I don't want to start one if this one's winding down.

I nominate this one for the Memorable Mudcat Threads list.

I do hope it will be refreshed and added onto from time to time. Wicked good! ~Susan (AKA Praise)


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: katlaughing
Date: 22 Jan 01 - 11:38 AM

Troll....egg-zack-ellee:-)


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: katlaughing
Date: 08 Jan 09 - 12:27 AM

Refresh for old time's sake:-)


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 08 Jan 09 - 01:46 PM

""Hey, what's with all the Oasis jokes?""

Today is gonna be the day when the band splits up again,
Break up, and get back together, we're on comeback number ten,
I don't believe I've ever written a song that doesn't sound like John and Pau-aul,
And all the words that Liam sings are whiney,
The talent of the other guys is tiny,
I'd like to think I could write a song as clever as Pope & Blair,
But I don't know how-ow-ow,
And maybe, both the Gallagher brothers are crazy,
And wonderwall, means bugger aw-aw-all.

Copyright Mudcatter Wildrover.

Says it all really, though that's only the first verse.

Don T.


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 08 Jan 09 - 01:49 PM

Damn typos!!   Just one "the" in the penultimate line.

DT

fixed it for ya
el joe clone


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jan 09 - 03:39 PM

And there were giants in those days, and in the shadow of fear of them the people of the valleys and the forests lived. Their steps were as the steps of a thousand, and caused the earth to tremble, and their eyes were the eyes of the damned and the mad.

And for the people of those lands there was little hope, for they lived their hours in the disconsolate sound of giants, and their hearts were sore burdened thereby. For their days were filled with the foul sounds of the drum and the heartless riff of the Fender, and the people knew no joy.

And it came to pass that to that valley there traveled several heroes, coming from the north and from the south, each in their own time. And one was yclept The Dick, and one The Max, and one The Chjeff, and one the Spaw, and another the Rick. And the giants of that land grew wroth to see them, and did rock around the clocke in their anger. But the Rick stood before them and was not enthralled, and spoke unto them, saying, "This is not Musick!! This is Garbage!"
And by his side in that moment stood the Heroe Max, and by his stood the Hero Dick, and they did stand tall before the horrible sounds of the Giants, saying unto them, "Yeah, man!! Garbage!"

And a great battle did ensue, for the Giants were wroth at this challenge, and vowed among themselves to bury these Heroes that their Naymes should be forever lost to the ears of Man. Then did they advance with agreat sounding of drums and twanging of Electrical Fenders and Bass Runnes, and the people were sore afrayde, and cowarde. Yet the HEroes flinched not, and stood tall before them, one with his Twelve Strings in bright array, and one with his Lyricks, and another with Grayte Fartes.

And as the duste of that battle rose above the very Trees, the Heroe The Max rode forth, and by his pommel there did Shyne the Storage of Ancient Tradition Digital, that was knowne to men of old as Ye Catte. ANd so mightily did the Catte be swung that day that the heads and limbs of Giantes did litter the Lande, and their blude poured forth lyke unto a rivere.

And the Giants were felled therebye, and the people did rejoice with great SOnge and Harmony, and Acoustic sounds did fill the Lande, and alle were merrie.

Since when it is known to ALle Loveres of Gude Musick to invoke the Nayme of Heroes and the Catte which did free all menn of that Lande from gruesome Soundes, and sing Alle Prayse Ye Catte!

Joseph of Arimethia
Trans. from the Aramaic by Geoffery C.


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: gnu
Date: 08 Jan 09 - 05:09 PM

Thanks kat... to read some of the posts of 'Cats "long gone" and 'Cats "back then" was a trip down memory lane. Especially when the lane is dark and foggy.


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 08 Jan 09 - 05:19 PM

Terry will be sorry he was out tonight


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Subject: RE: B.S.: Unsolicited Mudcat Testimonials!
From: katlaughing
Date: 08 Jan 09 - 09:43 PM

Yer most welcome, gnudarlin'...it's a lot of fun to re-read it, too.:-)

Amos, now you have reminded me of another oldie. I shall have to go look for it, too!


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