BS: Mudcat tavern open for business

Subject: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Jock Morris
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 07:18 AM

The Tavern has been quiet for a while, but I'm in the mood to celebrate. Resigned this morning from a job that's been stressing me out for too long; new job starts in a months time. First round is on me!

Scott

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 07:31 AM

Cheers Jock and congrats. Mines a GlenMorangie - madeira wood preferred but any'll do. I'm getting a bit fed up of office politics myself and thinking of going back to contract work (Unix SysAdm/Consultancy type stuff). Any comments?

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: MMario
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 08:36 AM

Always glad to stop in at the Tavern and hoist a few...

At the end of the day I like a little time to raise up me glass and sing!

Say! Has someone been redecorating? I don't remember that copy machine next to the Bar...Is there someone underthat pile of printouts? I thought I saw it move...

Hey! Lookee this! It's 1,455,921 copies of Child Ballad 273A. Sorcha musta been here.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Jock Morris
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 09:00 AM

Haggis, neeps and tatties on the menu tonight. All single malts are half price as well in honour of the bard. (Hic!)

Scott

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 09:54 AM

Single Malts half price???? I'll have two then;-)

Is there any Clutie (sp?) dumpling for afters or is that only at Hogmanay?

Pile on the neeps and tatties and I'll have an extra piece of Haggis anyway...

Is it true that the Haggis has one set of legs shorter than the other for going up hills and is easiest to catch when it overbalances on the way down btw???

Wow - that GlenMorangie is good - I think I'll be seeing that pile of papers move soon....

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: MMario
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 10:12 AM

Are you inpli sugggu...

Do you think I've had much to drink too? I you would have to know verner over-dulgin!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 10:15 AM

You must be drunk - you look all blurred....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 10:16 AM

You must be drunk - you look all blurred....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 10:18 AM

See - you are seeing double as well...

Talking of which, I'll try the Bowmore next. Cheers..

Mmmmmm - liquid wood smoke....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Les from Hull
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 10:22 AM

Oh it's Burns Night is it. I'll get the ointment.

Les

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Morticia
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 10:26 AM

Well done on your escape, Jock, I just did something similar and know I did the right thing....hope it works out as well for you. And now that I'm here I may as well have a wee drop of the Glenlivet to warm me up.
........MMario, there is something moving under that pile of paper....and I can see a telephone cord running in there too.....do you suppose we should go in and look?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 10:27 AM

I'm not sure it's a telephone cord...

Could be a tail.....

EEEKKK

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Les from Hull
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 10:35 AM

Wee sleekit cowering timorous beastie! Not the telephone cord but Dave the Gnome.

I'll have just a small double now that I've popped in, and raise it to Jock's new job. And seeing that all single malts are half price, I'll have a Bushmills 12 year old. That's whiskey with an e.

Les

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: GUEST,Fibula Mattock
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 10:38 AM

Oh, a drink would be lovely. I've just been accused of opressing the working classes, and then of being brainwashed by the bourgeois (see - I have difficulty spelling bourgeois, so I can't be in it!) because I am a student - strange logic indeed - by a strange bloke picking a fight who was subsequently arrested when he turned on someone else. It was quite entertaining.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: GUEST,Fibula Mattock
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 10:39 AM

pint of Smithwicks please, and a round of peanuts for all those at the bar (except those with severe peanut allergies)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: AggieBethie
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 10:40 AM

Can underaged people come in? I promise I won't drink (much :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: MMario
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 10:46 AM

AggieBeth - the Tavern comes complete with a VERY fully stocked bar - everything from chocolate milk to frozen cinnamon mocha double expresso ice cream waffle sandwiches. Name yer poison! It all goes on Bert's charge card. (A long standing tradition here at the Tavern. We haven't managed to max the card out yet.)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: The Sugar Dog (inactive)
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 10:47 AM

Huh, dog door lil froze today, but Ah reckon Ah fin' some other way in if Ah has to! Snuffle... trit trot... hoo-ee! Back door open up fahn! Ah in! Ah trit trot mahseff over by the recliners, be all set. Uh huh, get me a pitcher uh Rusty Nails, couple two three glasses an' a clean bowl, settle in... whatchoo make em with this tahm? mm, mm, MM!!

~Sugar Dog

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 10:54 AM

I didn't see that Fibula!!! Someone starting a fight in here??? Send him over here, a bite on the kneecap from a Gnome can soon put people off causing trouble...

Another Bowmore while I'm here, pleeeeshhhh. An' a pint o'heavy to chase it seeing as it's Burnsh nighghgt

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: AggieBethie
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 10:54 AM

Hmmm... lemme think... I'll start out with a banana and mayo sandwich on toast with a glass of mead to chase it down. Any shot suggestions?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 10:55 AM

I didn't see that Fibula!!! Someone starting a fight in here??? Send him over here, a bite on the kneecap from a Gnome can soon put people off causing trouble...

Another Bowmore while I'm here, pleeeeshhhh. An' a pint o'heavy to chase it seeing as it's Burnsh nighghgt

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: MMario
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 11:02 AM

Hmmm, the gnome maybe should cut back a bit! He's double deja-vueing!

And that paper pile DID move! Someone hit it! Or offer it a drink, something; before we all suffer the death of a hundred thousand papercuts!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 11:03 AM

I've defffinitely gor 'iccupupupupup'sis. Musht be the Haggis. Can't be the whiskykyky -HIC-. Ohhh dear, better have a nuther one...

I'll try The Glen Livet thish time - an a Gwinisssssh chaser....

HAHA - saw the paper move again!!!

No-one caught that Haggis yet????

hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Jock Morris
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 11:07 AM

Pint of Fraoch heather ale for me please, oh and a 25 year old Macallan as well! Anyone up to doing the immortal memory or the toast to the lassies?

Scott

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Morticia
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 11:11 AM

From under the piles of defunct VAT reciepts creeps Reginald Molehusband......terror of the tax-manipulating public....oppressor of the creative accountant....love-slave of the fearsomely large Mrs Molehusband."It's not my fault" he whined in strangulated Thames Estuary accents "the office said we had to embrace new work-styles and rationalise our property budgets by working from home......but the missus won't allow me back in during the day"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 11:39 AM

Annnyyywayy - musht go. Got to get home and pretenenen' I've been in the oshife all day....

D'ya think she'll notish... hehehehehehehe

I'll have one for the road, no - make it a Macallan this time. Anything with it.. OK another Macallan hehehehe

Right she you folklklkels.

Here's to us, wha's like us. There's nae many, their all deed...

Lang may yer lumbs reek....

(The Gnome makes a break for the door, trips and lands head first in the pile of paper. Sounds of manic giggling escape as the soles of his boots disappear under Child ballad #7346.333recurring...)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Dave Wynn
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 12:47 PM

Hello....Performing Rights Society.....could I hear more than one person singing just now.....May I come in..............?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Les from Hull
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 12:56 PM

No, it's just that there's a very unusual echo in here. I know you don't often get echoes that do harmonies, but there you are. You'll just have to take my word for it. Besides, how long has the PRS been represented by a small dog (once played by Tim Brooke-Taylor in ISISTA)?

Les

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Kim C
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 12:56 PM

Whiskey Cat had a li'l food poisoning last weekend so I better take it easy for starters... maybe haggis tomorrow... I think I'll start with a hard cider today. Mmmmmm!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Dave Wynn
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 01:03 PM

Oo sez I'm a small dog. Just coz I'm called "Spot" dunt mean I'm small and walk funny. I could be a mastif or a dane and why can't a dog be a PRS agent. I got ears ain't I.

Might come in a bite a few just for laffs....

Spot (the possibly large and unfriendly) dog

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Les from Hull
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 01:09 PM

Well Spot, you must be small if you've only got room for one spot. Never mind, I'm always kind to dogs. I'll just get an clean ashtray from the barperson...

Les

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: GUEST,LEJ
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 01:10 PM

Not a Scotch drinker myself, but I'll have a shot of whatever the Scots recommend in the Single Malt variety....and then chase it with a Carlsberg.

It don't matter what the people are thinkin'
I'm not drunk, I'm just drinkin'- The Ice Man

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: MMario
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 01:17 PM

shhhhurr. Just twiddle tha' liddle ka-nobby thing. NO! The one on the DOOR!!!! The one on the DOOR!

Uhmmm- donno if no-one's told-told youse thhissh - but you look a lot like, well, like a dog. (hic) wanna glash of sumfin?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: wysiwyg
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 03:35 PM

Dogs!!! Two dogs and a cat!!!

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Bert
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 03:43 PM

Well seeing as I'm still picking up the tab, slide that half gallon of Meyer's Rum this way, along with a pint glass.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: MMario
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 04:02 PM

and we all appurcitate it, bert!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: GUEST,Matt_R
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 04:46 PM

An it's alright to puke in here too. Just makes the place a little more fuggadelic.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: MMario
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 04:49 PM

whattaminit! when did THAT rule get in? I thought that was only in the back garden!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Kim C
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 05:24 PM

no, no, I had enough of puking over the weekend, thank you... blech...

another cider, please...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Bradypus
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 06:03 PM

Talisker, please. Just let me sniff it for a couple of minutes - wonderful stuff.

Is there, for honest poverty
Wha' wants a drink, an a' that
The Taver's here, wi malt an' beer
We'll sink a few, for a' that

For a' that, and a' that
Our toils forget, an' a' that
Wi' usquabae to warm the heart
Anither half, an a' that

And if the chef could rustle up some cranachan, that would go down very nicely after the haggis.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Lanfranc
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 06:24 PM

Just arrived in time to see Joe Offer (or someone very like him) tucking into the last available portion of haggis.

Morticia passed me her left over neeps and tatties, but someone had stubbed out a cigarette in it, and there was a pool of yellowish and pungent fluid on the plate that I didn't care to examine too closely. Spot!!!

Anyway, I've just selected the "Best of Jake Thakray" CD on the Jukebox, so while Matt R's choice Oasis album finishes I'll have a treble Bowmore and a jug of water please.

Oh, yes, a pack of hedgehog flavour crisps, please. No I don't care about the sell-by date - they're traditional flavoured.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 06:37 PM

Just nipped in to lap a bit of Laphroaig and hoist a glass to Rabbie. I think what's squirming under the pile of printouts might be a flying squirrel -- the one that got away from Creamsicle this morning. So that's where it is.

Anyone mind me sitting here in the corner quietly singing "Nine Inch will Please A Lady"?

Bat Goddess

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Matt_R
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 06:37 PM

I'm feeling a bit down tonight, so it's the laid-back acoustic "Oasis Unplugged" album.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Lanfranc
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 06:50 PM

Matt, Matt, never mind, Jake will cheer you up!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 07:13 PM

Ah one for the road please, and make it the M25.......HAAA !!!!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Sorcha
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 07:32 PM

Sorcha staggers in, dragging a wagon full of paper. Reams and reams of paper. "Quick--catch that pile!! Don't let it escape!! It may be the only copy of Child # 400 in existance!! No, Dave the Gnome, DON'T EAT IT.....NOOOOoooo. Oh well. Just pull me a pint, and I'll take the night off.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: wysiwyg
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 08:18 PM

Paper!! I'll give ye paper!! Insurance claim PAPER!! Due tomorrow and NO PRINTER in the house!!! Fockin paper!

Crabby enough to kick a Sugar Dog!

Bat Goddess, care to join me? I'm ordering up a Whimsicle, maybe there's two of them in the cooler. Nie inches of chilling out sounds just about right.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Amergin
Date: 25 Jan 01 - 10:35 PM

Just give me that bottle of Bushmills....I don't care which one, just hand the bloody thing over...thank you...now I'll just go sit here in the corner and drink....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: wysiwyg
Date: 26 Jan 01 - 12:23 AM

Izzat a Sugar Dog curled up at your feet, Nathan? She look tahred. Give those fluffy ears a nice scratch, maybe go curl up with her in the recliners? Bet she like a poem too. Tell her one to get her off to sleep, would you, she been working herseff to a frazz. She keep you warm all night, wake up silly in the mornin' too I bet.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Matt_R
Date: 26 Jan 01 - 12:47 AM

Have you even had the feeling that your stomach was going to burst? That's how I've felt all day. Somebody PLEASE play some Radiohead.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: blt
Date: 26 Jan 01 - 03:28 AM

Well, I don't drink alcohol, so I'll just have to check out the menu...hmmmmmm, this thing unfolds like an accordion, and look at all the wierd names on the food list...I don't know what half of them are, maybe some kind of bread...God, I hate to make decisions about what to drink now that I don't drink, I guess I'll just have a decaf double mocha, easy on the chocolate, no whip, with skim milk. Oh, and a piece of that double fudge chocolate cake with a scoop of mint chocolate chip ice cream, thanks.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Amergin
Date: 26 Jan 01 - 05:22 AM

Ok, I can use a nice sweet Sugar Dog in my lap....Come here, sweetie....let's go sit in one of those comfy recliners....there we go....don't quite have a poem for you at this moment, but I do have this little song....yes, I know that I'm not the greatest singer in the world, but I enjoy it....and that's all that matters, right? Oh come on, you needn't look so alarmed....here how about a nice scratch behind the ears, while I sing? I thought as much...here goes...Oh, sweetie, I don't know what it's called as yet...I gave it a title, but it doesn't quite seem to fit...Hold on while I drain this bottle...ok now I'm ready....

A Sailor's Love
(tune: Connemara Cradle Song)

I stand on the deck, looking over the sea
Remembering her form a-waving to me
I hear her calling, come back to me
Floating on the wind coming over the sea

Chorus:
Hear the wind blow, dear,
Hear the wind blow
Lean you head over
And hear the wind blow

The stars are bright as they dance in the sky,
The sky is lightening as morning draws nigh
Blow the wind gently and calm be the sea
Do you see the same stars, the same stars as me?

Chorus:

The night is over and my watch is now done
I stand to the east, dear, and I greet the sun
I lie in my bunk, love, dreaming of you
As you sit waiting, far across the blue

Chorus:

The day will come, when we stand on the shore
And I will go sailing, a-sailing no more
I will hold you tightly, your cheeks shining bright
And sleep in your arms, dear, serenely at night,

Nathan Tompkins

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 26 Jan 01 - 06:13 AM

As it is nearly the weekend I'll have a large Metaxas 3-star please.
Spot! If you don't get off my leg I'll pour someone else's beer over you. Somebody tie him up to the rail outside with a bowl of water and some pork scratchings to keep him quiet.
Let's see if the juke box has Ella and the Inkspots doing Cow Cow Boogie, just love that line: "get hip, little dogies".
RtS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: GUEST,Fibula Mattock
Date: 26 Jan 01 - 06:30 AM

RtS, you're hitting the drink early. Is the sun even over the yard arm?
Well, if the tavern's open I'll have a Bloody Mary and a fried egg sandwich (with mushrooms).
I got my burgled CDs replaced this morning and have a brand new copy of Jethro Tull's "Heavy Horses" to play once more! This is a good start to the weekend.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Les from Hull
Date: 26 Jan 01 - 06:51 AM

Poor Spot - why should he have to drink water? Isn't beer good enough for him?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 26 Jan 01 - 08:01 AM

Because he's the designated driver (haven't you heard of a dog-cart?)!
RtS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: GUEST,Matt_R
Date: 26 Jan 01 - 08:28 AM

This is the springtime of my loving
The second season I am to know
You are the sunlight in my growing
So little warmth I've felt before
It isn't hard to feel me glowing
I watched the fire that grew so low

It is the summer of my smiles
Flee from me, Keepers of the Gloom
Speak to me only with your eyes
It is to you I give this tune
Ain't so hard to recognize
These things are clear to all from time to time

Talk Talk - I've felt the coldness of my winter
I never thought it would ever go
I cursed the gloom that set upon us...
But I know that I love you so
Yes I know
That I love you so

These are the seasons of emotion
And like the winds they rise and fall
This is the wonder of devotion
I see the torch we all must hold
This is the mystery of the quotient
Upon us all a little rain must fall...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Kim C
Date: 26 Jan 01 - 10:39 AM

Amergin can I talk you out of a little of that Bushmills please? Meow? Prrrrrrrrr...........

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: MMario
Date: 26 Jan 01 - 10:53 AM

Matt - that's nice - yours? or a qoute?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Noreen
Date: 26 Jan 01 - 12:06 PM

Any of the Black Bushmills left there, Nathan? My favourite. I seem to remember, not too long ago, sitting in a pub with a Black Bush and a Jamesons in front of me- (I don't think they were both mine),expounding at some length on how surprisingly different they smell...

No thanks, Alan I won't eat hedgehog flavour crisps on principle. Any helicopter flavour? No? OK then, I'll have plane.

I'm looking for Child#100, I'm sure it can't be much further down this pile...

Cheers, bert!

Noreen

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: MMario
Date: 26 Jan 01 - 12:17 PM

Noreen, is this it? *plucks a paper at random from pile sorcha brought in, causing pile to collapse into jello pit*

Child 100A

THE king he hath been a prisoner,
A prisoner lang in Spain, O
And Willie o the Winsbury
Has lain lang wi his daughter at hame. O

`What aileth thee, my daughter Janet,
Ye look so pale and wan?
Have ye had any sore sickness,
Or have ye been lying wi a man?
Or is it for me, your father dear,
And biding sae lang in Spain?'

`I have not had any sore sickness,
Nor yet been lying wi a man;
But it is for you, my father dear,
In biding sae lang in Spain.'

`Cast ye off your berry-brown gown,
Stand straight upon the stone,
That I may ken ye by yere shape,
Whether ye be a maiden or none.'

She's coosten off her berry-brown gown,
Stooden straight upo yon stone;
Her apron was short, and her haunches were round,
Her face it was pale and wan.

`Is it to a man o might, Janet?
Or is it to a man of fame?
Or is it to any of the rank robbers
That's lately come out o Spain?'

`It is not to a man of might,' she said,
`Nor is it to a man of fame;
But it is to William of Winsburry;
I could lye nae langer my lane.'

The king's called on his merry men all,
By thirty and by three:
`Go fetch me William of Winsbury,
For hanged he shall be.'

But when he cam the king before,
He was clad o the red silk;
His hair was like to threeds o gold.
And his skin was as white as milk.

`It is nae wonder,' said the king,
`That my daughter's love ye did win;
Had I been a woman, as I am a man,
My bedfellow ye should hae been.

`Will ye marry my daughter Janet,
By the truth of thy right hand?
I'll gie ye gold, I'll gie ye money,
And I'll gie ye an earldom o land.'

`Yes, I'll marry yere daughter Janet,
By the truth of my right hand;
But I'll hae nane o yer gold, I'll hae nane o yer money,
Nor I winna hae an earldom o land.

`For I hae eighteen corn-mills,
Runs all in water clear,
And there's as much corn in each o them
As they can grind in a year.'


Child 100B

`WHAT aileth ye, my dochter Dysmill,
Ye look sae pale and wan?
Hae ye had ony sair sickness,
Or ill luve wi a man?

`Cast aff, cast aff your bony brown goun,
And lay't down on the stane,
And I sall tell ye ay or no
Ye hae layn wi a man.'

She has taen aff her bony brown gown,
She has laid it on the stane;
Her waist was big, her side was round,
Her fair colour was gane.

`Now is it to a man of micht,
Or to a man of mean?
Or is it to the ranke robber
That robs upon the main?'

`O it's nor to a man of micht,
Nor to a man of mean;
But it's to Willie Winchberrie,
That came frae France and Spain.'

The king he's turnd him round about,
An angry man was he:
`Gar bring to me your fals leman,
Wha sall high hanged be.'

Then Dysmill turnd her round about,
The tear blinded her ee:
`Gin ye begin to hang, father,
Ye maun begin wi mee.'

When Willie he cam to the king,
His coat was o the silk;
His hair was like the thread o gowd,
His skin white as the milk.

`Ne wonder, ne wonder,' quoth the king,
`My dochter shoud like ye;
Gin ye were a woman, as ye're a man,
My bedfellow ye sould be.

`Now will ye marry my dochter Dysmill,
By the truth o your right hand?
Now will ye marry my dochter Dysmill,
And be a lord o the land?'


Child 100C

THE king has been long seven years away,
Long seven years away frae hame;
Our king has been long seven years away,
A hunting oer in Spain.

`What aileth thee, my ae daughter,
Thou lookst so pale and wan?
Hast thou had any sore sickness,
Or hast thou loved man?'

`I have not had any sore sickness,
To make me look sae wan;
But it is for your own majestie,
You staid sae lang in Spain.'

`Cast aff, cast aff thy silken gown,
And lay it on yon stane,
And I'll tell to thee if with child you be,
Or if ye be with nane.'

She's casten aff her costly gown,
That's made o the silk sae fine;
Her stays were sae strait she could na loot,
And her fair colour was wan.

`Oh is it to any mighty man?
Or any lord of fame?
Or is it to the rank robbers
That I sent out o Spain?'

`It is no to the rank robbers
That you sent out o Spain;
But it is to Thomas of Winsbury,
For I dought na lie my lane.'

`If it be to Lord Thomas,' he says,
`It's hanged shall he be:'
`If you hang Thomas of Winsbury,
You'll get na mair gude o me.'

The king's called up his merry men all,
By one, by two, and three;
Lord Thomas should hae been the foremost man,
But the hindmost man was he.

`No wonder, no wonder,' the king he said ,
`My daughter loved thee;
For wert thou a woman, as thou art a man,
My bedfellow thou shouldst be.

`O will you marry my daughter dear,
By the faith of thy right hand?
And thou shalt reign, when I am dead,
The king over my whole land.'

`I will marry your daughter dear,
With my heart, yea and my hand;
But it never shall be that Lord Winsbury
Shall rule oer fair Scotland.'

He's mounted her on a milk-white steed,
Himself on a dapple-grey,
And made her a lady of as much land
She could ride in a whole summer day.


Child 100D

THERE was a lady fine and gay,
She was so neat and trim;
She went unto her own garden-wall,
To see her own ships come in.

And there she spied her daughter Jane,
Who lookd so pale and wan:
`What, have you had some long sickness,
Or lain with some young man?'

`No, I have had no long sickness,
Nor lain with no young man:'
Her petticoats they were so short,
She was full nine months gone.

`Oh is it by some nobleman?
Or by some man of fame?
Or is it by Johnny Barbary,
That's lately come from Spain?'

`No, it is by no nobleman,
Nor by no man of fame;
But it is by Johnny Barbary,
That's lately come from Spain.'

Then she calld down her merry men,
By one, by two, by three;
Johnny Barbary used to be the first,
But now the last came he.

`Oh will you take my daughter Jane,
And wed her out of hand?
And you shall dine and sup with me,
And be heir of my land.'

`Yes, I will take your daughter Jane,
And wed her out of hand;
And I will dine and sup with you,
But I do not want your land.'

Then she calld down her merry men,
With a shrill and a pleasant voice:
`Come, let us all now mery be,
Since she has made such a happy choice.'


Child 100E

`OH daughter, oh daughter,' her father he said,
`What makes you look so pale?
. . . . .
Or are you in love with any man?'

. . . . .
. . . . .
`But if it be one of my own sailor lads,
High hanged he shall be.'

Johnnie Barbour he cam doun the stair,
His shirt was of the silk;
His two bonnie black een were rolling in his head,
And his skin was as white as milk.

`Oh are you ready to marry my daughter,
And take her by the hand,
And to eat and drink with me at the table,
And be heir of all my land?'

`Oh it's I am ready to marry your daughter,
And take her by the hand,
And to eat and drink with her at the table,
And to fight for all your land.'


Child 100F

OUR king hath been a poor prisoner,
And a poor prisoner in Spain; O
When seven long years was past and gone,
Our Scotish king came hame.O

As he was riding along the way,
He met with his dear dochter:
`What ails thee, what ails thee, my dochter dear,
Thou looks so pale and wan?

`Have ye had any sore sickness,
Or have ye lovd a man?
Or is it for me, my dochter dear,
I have been so long in Spain?'

`I have had no sore sickness,
Nor yet have I loved a man;
But it is for you, my father dear,
Thou've been so long in Spain.'

`Cast aff, cast aff thy brown silk gown,
And spread it on yonder stone,
And I will tell you by and by
Whether thou art a maid or none.'

She's coosten off her brown silk gown,
And spread it on yonder stone,
And her belly was big, and her face pale and wan,
And she was about half gone.

`Is it to a man o micht?
Or to a man of fame?
Or is it to one of the rank rebels
That I sent out of Spain?'

`It is not to a man of micht,
Nor to a man of fame,
Nor yet to one of the rank rebels
That ye sent out o Spain;
But it is to Willie o Winsberry,
Thy very own serving-man.'

`If it be to Willie o Winsberry,
As I trew well it be,
Gin the morn at ten o the clock
It's hanged shall he be.'

As the king was riding up the gate
He met Willie clothed in scarlet red,
And his hair was as yellow as the beam, beam gold,
And his breast as white as milk.

`No wonder, no wonder,' quo the king,
`My dochter luvit thee;
For if thou was a woman, as thou'rt a man,
My bedfellow thou should be.'

The king called down his merry men all,
By one, by two, and by three;
Sweet Willie should ha been the foremost man,
But the hindmost man drew he.

`Will you take my dochter Jean,
By the faith of her richt hand?
And you shall sup and dine with me,
And heir the third part of my land.'

`I will take your dochter Jean,
By the faith of her richt hand,
And I will sup and dine with you,
But a fig for all your land;
For I've as much land in Winsberry
As we'll ride in a long summer's day.'


Child 100G

SEVEN years the king he staid
Into the land of Spain,
And seven years True Thomas was
His daughter's chamberlain.

But it fell ance upon a day
The king he did come home;
She baked and she benjed ben,
And did him there welcome.

`What aileth you, my daughter Janet,
You look sae pale and wan?
There is a dreder in your heart,
Or else you love a man.'

`There is no dreder in my heart,
Nor do I love a man;
But it is for your lang byding
Into the land of Spain.'

`Ye'll cast aff your bonny brown gown,
And lay it on a stone,
And I'll tell you, my jelly Janet,
If ever ye lovd a man.'

She's cast aff her bonny brown gown,
And laid it on a stone;
Her belly was big, her twa sides high,
Her colour it was quite gane.

`Is it to a man o the might, Janet,
Or is it till a man o the main?
Or is it to one o my poor soldiers,
That I brought hame frae Spain?'

`It's not till a man o the might,' she says,
`Nor yet to a man o the main;
But it's to Thomas o Winsbury,
That cannot longer len.'

`O where are all my wall-wight men,
That I pay meat and fee,
That will go for him True Thomas,
And bring him in to me?
For the morn, ere I eat or drink,
High hanged shall he be.'

She's turnd her right and round about,
The tear blinded her ee:
`If ye do any ill to True Thomas,
Ye'se never get gude o me.'

When Thomas came before the king
He glanced like the fire;
His hair was like the threads o gold,
His eyes like crystal clear.

`It was nae wonder, my daughter Janet,
Altho ye loved this man;
If he were a woman, as he is a man,
My bed-fellow he would been.

`O will ye marry my daughter Janet?
The truth's in your right hand;
Ye's hae some o my gold, and some o my gear,
And the twalt part o my land.'

`It's I will marry your daughter Janet;
The truth's in my right hand;
I'll hae nane o your gold, nor nane o your gear,
I've enough in my own land.

`But I will marry your daughter Janet
With thirty ploughs and three,
And four and twenty bonny breast-mills,
And a' on the water o Dee.'


Child 100H

IT fell upon a time, when the proud king of France
Went a hunting for five months and more,
That his dochter fell in love with Thomas of Winesberrie,
From Scotland newly come oer.

Whan her father cam hame frae hunting the deer,
And his dochter before him cam,
Her belly it was big, and her twa sides round,
And her fair colour was wan.

`What ails thee, what ails thee, my dochter Janet?
What makes thee to look sae wan?
Ye've either been sick, and very, very sick,
Or else ye hae lain wi a man.'

`Ye're welcome, ye're welcome, dear father,' she says,
`Ye're welcome hame to your ain,
For I hae been sick, and very, very sick,
Thinking lang for your coming hame.

`O pardon, O pardon, dear father,' she says,
`A pardon ye'll grant me:'
`Na pardon, na pardon, my dochter,' he says,
`Na pardon I'll grant thee.

`O is it to a man of micht,
Or to a man of mean?
Or is it to onie of thae rank robbers
That I sent hame frae Spain?'

`It is not to a man of micht,
Nor to a man of mean;
But it is to Thomas o Winesberrie,
And for him I suffer pain.'

`If it be to Thomas o' Winesberrie,
As I trust well it be,
Before I either eat or drink,
Hie hangit sall he be.'

When this bonnie boy was brought afore the king,
His claithing was o the silk,
His fine yellow hair hang dangling doun,
And his skin was like the milk.

`Na wonder, na wonder, Lord Thomas,' he says,
`My dochter fell in love wi thee,
For if I war a woman, as I am a man,
My bed-fellow ye shoud be.

`Then will ye marry my dochter Janet,
To be heir to a' my land?
O will ye marry my dochter Janet,
Wi the truth o your richt hand?'

`I will marry your dochter Janet,
Wi the truth o my richt hand;
I'll hae nane o your gowd, nor yet o your gear,
I've eneuch in fair Scotland.

`But I will marry your dochter Janet,
I care na for your land,
For she's be a queen, and I a king,
Whan we come to fair Scotland.'


Child 100I

IT fell upon a time that the proud king of France
Went a hunting for five months and more;
His daughter fell in love with Lord Winsberry,
Who from Scotland was newly come oer.

`You're welcome, welcome, dear father,' she said,
`You're welcome again to your own;
For I have been sick, and very, very sick,
Thinking long for your coming home.'

`Put off, put off your gown of green,' he says,
`And spread it on yonder green,
And tell them from me that in mourning you are,
Or that he have lain with a man.'

She's put off her gown of green,
And spread it on the strand;
Her haunches were round, and her belly was big,
From her face the colour is gone.

`O is it to a man of might,' he says,
`Or is it to a man that's mean?
Or is it to one of those rank rebels,
That lately from Scotland came?'

`O it is to a man of might,' she says,
`It is not to one that is mean;
It is to Lord Thomas of Winsberry,
And for him I must suffer pain.'

The king called up his merry men all,
By one, by two, and by three:
`Go fetch me Lord Thomas of Winsberry,
For tomorrow he shall die.'

They sought him up, they sought him down,
As fast as fast could be;
There they found Lord Thomas of Winsberry,
Sitting under an orange tree.

`Get up, get up, Lord Thomas,' they said,
`Get up, and bound your way;
For the king has sworn by his honoured crown
That tomorrow is thy dying-day.'

`O what have I robbd, or what have I stolen,
Or what have I killed or slain,
That I should be afraid to speak to your king?
For I have done him no wrong.'

Lord Thomas came tripping up the stair,
His cloathing was of the silk;
His fine yellow hair hung dangling down,
His skin was white as the milk.

And when he came before the king
He kneeled down on his knee;
Says, What is your will with me, my liege,
What is your will with me?

`I think no wonder, Lord Thomas,' he says,
`That my daughter fell in love with thee;
If thou wert a woman, as thou art a man,
My bed-fellow thou wouldst be.

`Will ye marry my daughter Jean,
By the faith of thy right hand?
Thou'se have part of my gold, part of my gear,
And a third part of my land.'

`Yes, I will marry thy daughter Jean,
By the faith of my right hand;
I'll have none of your gold, none of your gear;
I have enough in fair Scotland.'

He has mounted her on a milk-white steed,
Himself on a dapple-grey;
He's got as much land in fair Scotland
As they can ride in a summer's day.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Amergin
Date: 26 Jan 01 - 12:19 PM

I guess I can share a little with such two lovely ladies....bring your glasses over here and I'll pour you a drop (or two)...just watch out for Sugar Dog....pour thing is exhaustedly sleeping.....Ok, here you go...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Jan 01 - 12:54 PM

MMario - the song that Matt quoted is Led Zeppelin's "The Rain Song"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: MMario
Date: 26 Jan 01 - 01:04 PM

grazie. I do wish the boy would tell us when he is qouting and when he is not...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Noreen
Date: 26 Jan 01 - 01:19 PM

MMario, No.......

*LOL*

Thank you so much, and sorry for taking over this bit of the tavern with the scattered papers... You can still read those pieces, Sorcha, through he green jelly, stop fussing!

So, MMario, you haven't got the version where the silk-dressed , milk-skinned young suitor is called Johnny from the Isle of Man? Thought not... I'll have to post it...

Sláinte, Nathan.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: wysiwyg
Date: 26 Jan 01 - 01:47 PM

Mmmmmmmmmm......

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: The Sugar Dog (inactive)
Date: 26 Jan 01 - 01:55 PM

Lookit the tahm, whut a sleep Ah had me.... fell into dogdrowse wid dee fingers of a poet on my silkyfluff ears... smooth me down deep for sleep... thought Ah might could hear a song in the far places... sweet deep rumbling images a-tumble through mah min'....

Felt somebuddy's sore tummy in the distance call me an' sang a lil doggiesong in de dream raght into the hurt... wish Ah cud recolleck it now... an' here Ah am full wake in de recliner all 'freshed.

Where dat Susagirl go, she bettah be workin' dat INs'rance claim up GOOD or Ah eat up the papers! Heh heh hehhh! Ah TOLE her she gotta get her a good new 'puder outta all dat, she bes' lissen herseff up or Ah Sugar-Dog-kick her ass! An' Ah kin do it too, mos' nice, but HARD!

Ah fittin' tuh head on out back now, see whassup in de day... y'all do any more good songs you be sure an' record 'em!!

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 26 Jan 01 - 02:07 PM

A gnomish apparition appears mysteriosly ot of a heap of spoilt child ballot papers.... Is this something to do with an election somewhere... never mind....

Mmmph, Grllllp, Flryng, Yaaaawwwwnnnnn! Ohhh, what day is it? Where is everyone? Any Hagis left?

Hello...

HELLLLOOOO....

Oh, buggrit.

Guess I'll have to go and face the missuss. Still... there is no one around... And there is a whole heap of good scotch there to go off if no-one drinks it...

Mmmmmmm

Gnome disappears behind the bar. Sound of clinking bottles and corks being popped ensues....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Kim C
Date: 26 Jan 01 - 02:30 PM

Thanks Amergin. Cheers!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat tavern open for business
From: Dave Wynn
Date: 26 Jan 01 - 02:38 PM

Hi Gnome...you want some dog hair?