BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)

Subject: Or do you prefer chicks?
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 01:15 PM

Women, stick THIS up on the fridge...

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down!

2. Do not cut your hair. Ever !! Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.

3. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not opportunities for quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

4. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

5. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.

6. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

7. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.

8. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

9. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.

10. Crying is blackmail.

11. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.

12. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!

13. No, we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

14. Most guys own three pairs of shoes, tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

15. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

16. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

17. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

18. Check your oil. Please.

19. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument . In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

20. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

21. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

22. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

23. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

24. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

25. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends (like THEIR relationship is SO MUCH better).

26. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like WINDOWS default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

27. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

28. If it is OUR house, I do not understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet, attic, basement or worse, the garbage.

29. We aren't mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind reading ability isn't proof of how little we care about you.

30. If we ask what 's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

;-)

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: Pondering It All
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 01:48 PM

Dear Clinton, Not all women are 'broads' just as not all men are asses. It's just a shame that you are one of the later group. Wild

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: Hawker
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 01:49 PM

Clinton, Understand your sentiments, and they made me laugh, but I take it you're not from the country where we talk proper.......

Broads are somewhere in Norfolk Chicks are baby hens......

Surely theres more - perhaps you are a yank? That means something else here aswell! Hawks

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: MMario
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 01:51 PM

*digging hole; putting barrel in hole; climbing in barrel; filling hole in after myself and FORGETTING WHERE I DUG IT!*

no way I am getting in the crossfire on this.

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 01:52 PM

It's a joke people!!!

Time to take the pickel out!!!

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: GUEST,Matt_R
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 01:56 PM

Pickle? Why? Got some sheep copper you just annealed?

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: GUEST,Valerie
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 01:57 PM

Clinton, it is so painfully obvious you don't care what anyone thinks of you on this forum.By posting such a sexist and chauvanistic piece of humor (that perhaps only Dice-Clay and other misogynists would appreciate) you have confirmed your true colors once in for all to everyone here.

You should be ashamed of yourself. (Have another drink.)

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: Hawker
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 01:58 PM

Hey clinton,

So was what I said, but tell me, what is a pickel?

I have GOT to become bilingual!!!!!!!

No offence meant by my last message!

Hawks X

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 02:13 PM

This place needs to calm the feck down...

It's just a joke folks... relax... have some dip...

Me thinks they doth protest too much...

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 02:14 PM

Clinton,
I am waiting for Sandytoes' side of this discussion.You're gonna be in trouble. You're gonna be in trouble HAH HAH HAH.

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: catspaw49
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 02:21 PM

Yeah CH......What was all that crap you gave me over a tasteless "Stan" joke......and it was just a joke too. Sometimes they can't be covered by smiley faces and some people just take them wrong huh? Best of luck.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: mousethief
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 02:24 PM

Seen this one before. Some parts are kinda funny. Made me smile, anyway.

None of it is worth getting all worked up about, though. If we can't laugh about the differences between men and women (yes, they exist, O Feminist), then we're all taking life just a LEETLE too seriously.

Clinton, I never thought I'd agree with you on anything. Cut it out.

Alex

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: sophocleese
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 02:26 PM

Yow!! As always in these men vs. women things I end up not being sure which one I am. Perhaps some people need to read the shower thread and then they can stick this list up in the bathroom instead.

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 02:32 PM

Funny, Clinton, funny! HA HA HA HA HA!

I'd go with about half of it...or maybe a third of it. As for the rest, those who think that way better move to Blind River...they will probably find many kindred souls there.

I'll say one thing for you...you've got guts to post that kind of stuff these days...even when it IS obviously a joke.

Next, try directing insensitive statements toward Jews and blacks if you really want to get in SERIOUS trouble! On second thought, no, don't...!!! For god's sake! Just make fun of men, that's safe. You can really disparage them in almost any way and nobody minds at all.

Oh, you just did, didn't you?

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 02:38 PM

LEJ stands on top of hill behind wood fence, watching Clinton, carrying unidentified bucket of brown viscous material, approach rotating fan. Hey WATCH OU....awwwwww"

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: Noreen
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 02:41 PM

Well I thought it was funny- most of it... :0) And if you think it's funny too, Clinton, it's definitely a good sign. It's the blokes who take it seriously that worry me...

Noreen

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: Ebbie
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 02:51 PM

Sinsull, Clinton(LOL)Hammond is not Chuck(Tar Heel) Hemrick. Very different critters.

Ebbie

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: Kim C
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 03:15 PM

I'm a girl.(yes thank you I am a GIRL, not a broad, not a lady, not a gal, sometimes a womyn but deep down I am a GIRL, okay?!!?)And I thought it was funny. I rejoice and laugh about the differences between male and female. Ain't no other way around it. We have to live with one another so let's have a little fun. :)

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: Hawker
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 03:23 PM

Hi,

OOOh what a lot of touchy women! I am one too and I kinda like men opening doors for me and being a little subservient....... Sad? No, Why be female and try to impersonate male? If men are so terrible whay did they write such great love songs? Yeah I know women can write love songs too, but give the guys a chance! - bless 'em, poor things! Hawks...........

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: annamill
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 03:52 PM

Hey Clinton, I already knew all that stuff!! I must be getting old, or, used to you guys!

I know it's a joke.

Love, annamill

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 04:29 PM

Ebbie - it's those liquid lunches. I am drowning my sorrows after being called a "twat" in another thread. That's the second time I have invoked SandyToes against poor Clinton. Their initials are the same...

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 05:02 PM

Clinton - Be careful with that pickle! Make sure it's fresh, and wash it off carefully to remove all traces of vinegar. Is it a gurkhin? They're supposed to work better, according to Buchhardt & Strauss. Just don't overdo it...

Loneliness can sure drive people to extremes, can't it? I mean, look at Spaw, furchrissake! It's scary!

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: MarkS
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 05:13 PM

Some of it was funny but much of it had a harder edge than could really be called humor. No accounting for taste, so lets let Clinton off the hook and get on with it.
Actually, letting Clinton off the hook is kind of a specaility on this forum! Keep the tradition alive!

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: hesperis
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 05:15 PM

Oh, this whole thread is funny!

Some of that list isn't accurate. That is the point. It's just exaggerating traits that are somewhat common, for the sake of humour. The thing that really pisses off feminists though, is when you say that all women are like that. I mean, some men can learn to put the seat down, so why assume that all women *won't* dress like they're from Victoria's Secret? Which Clinton might not do, but that joke sure sounds like it.

Some of them weren't funny though, and if you're in a relationship with someone who treats you that badly, you might want to consider a change. (No, no, not a sex change! A relationship change! (You guys!))

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 05:30 PM

"It's just exaggerating traits that are somewhat common, for the sake of humour."

Well, I'm glad SOMEONE here is literary-minded enough to recognise it when they see it and acknowledge it...

Exaggeration, even hyperbole is necessary for most forms of comedy...

Lemme guess, folks here think Dennis Leary really smokes that much?? Or that Todd Snyder really thinks he's "An Alright Guy"?

And I still l don't know what or who a sandytoes is... and quote frankly I don't really care... And well, I care not a tinkers cuss for your 'hooks'... I can't be 'let off' them because I'm not anywhere near them...

And what the hell is a "Chuck(Tar Heel) Hemrick"????

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: Ebbie
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 05:35 PM

hhahahaha

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: harpgirl
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 05:47 PM

...I loved it!!!!Clinton you are a riot!!!!! Everyone else can take a chill pill!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 06:00 PM

See... Harpgirl makes my point for me!

lol!!!!

;-)

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: Bill D
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 06:09 PM

the only reason stereotypes and humor based on them are cute and sort of funny, is because there is 'some' truth in them...men & women DO view some things differently, and I see myself in a few of those lines...but I sure hope NO one thinks they can be applied across the board.

(I can barely STAND monster trucks!)

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: Dave Wynn
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 06:14 PM

I am English and we are going through P.C. sickness here...It was a welcome relief to see that some people are coming through the illness back into the light!

On the other hand I agree entirely with all the comments by girls (please read ladies , females , women etc.).

Spot on the fence.

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: ddw
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 09:52 PM

I'm with those who find this mildly funny. It was posted on the bulletin board in the newsroom about two months ago and the women got as much of a charge out of it as the men did.

What I really don't get, though, is how women arrive at the conclusion it's any more an indictment of them than it is an indictment of the male point of view. Cuts both ways, as far as I'm concerned.

Lighten up, people. Life's too short to be up tight about poking a little fun at the people and things around us.

david

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: mkebenn
Date: 01 Feb 01 - 10:19 PM

David, I think it cuts more in the male direction, and I'm sure Clinton was dead serious and Dennis DOES smoke that much ROTFLMAO Mike

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: Mikey joe
Date: 02 Feb 01 - 05:01 AM

Clinton I thought that was hilarious. It says more about the whingers then you. good stuff.

everyone

Reeeeeeeelllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh

Mj

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: Grab
Date: 02 Feb 01 - 07:05 AM

Nice one Clinton. Valerie and co, don't you get that it's making fun of men, not women? Jeez, lighten up.

Incidentally KimC, what's a "womyn"?

Grab.

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: GUEST,Brian
Date: 02 Feb 01 - 10:53 AM

A friend of mine frequently e-mails me this sort of stuff, all of it from a female point of view. (Well she would, wouldn't she). I have a laugh, print it out, take it home and show the wife, then we both have laugh at it. That's what I'll do with this one too.

Spot on, Clint! Don't you just love it when people can't cope with a bit of humour.

Now how did that song go?

A broad for pleasure, a goat for perversion.......

Exit.....ducking

Brian

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: Kim C
Date: 02 Feb 01 - 11:16 AM

Oh I'm not really sures what's a "womyn" --- I think it's some alternative spelling adopted by a few people who don't want the letters "man" in "woman." Not me particularly but I guess it was a feeble attempt at being cute. ;)

Subject: RE: BS: This ones just fer the broads... ;-)
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 02 Feb 01 - 12:18 PM

Glad to be of service folks...

;-)