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BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV
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Subject: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: Ebbie Date: 01 Feb 01 - 05:27 PM You say/I say:
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down!
2. Do not cut your hair. Ever !! Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her. 3. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not opportunities for quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again! Men: I agree neither of us needs presents.
3. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
5. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
6. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
7. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
8. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
9. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
10. Crying is blackmail.
11. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
12. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
13.No, we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
14. Most guys own three pairs of shoes, tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
15. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
16. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
17.Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
18. Check your oil. Please.
19.Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
20.If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
21. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
22. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
23.You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
24. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
25. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends (like THEIR relationship is SO MUCH better).
26. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like WINDOWS default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
27.If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
28.If it is OUR house, I do not understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet, attic, basement or worse, the garbage.
29. We aren't mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind reading ability isn't proof of how little we care about you.
30.If we ask what 's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. Eb
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: Ebbie Date: 01 Feb 01 - 05:31 PM Oops |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: mousethief Date: 01 Feb 01 - 05:43 PM Eb, this just strikes me as a sort of "OH YEAH?!" reaction. You can do better. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: Pondering It All Date: 01 Feb 01 - 05:47 PM Thank you Ebbie for a most insightful posting! Wild |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: Kim C Date: 01 Feb 01 - 05:53 PM Heeeheeheeheeheehee! ;) I have been accused of crying on purpose but the fact is I am a frequent cryer and that's just the way it is. I have only cried on purpose ONCE in my adult life to get my way and it was not directed at my husband. (yes it worked) Victoria's Secret models are too damned skinny anyhow and shouldn't be seen in underwear, period. No I am not jealous. I am petite myself. But I don't look like the next strong breeze is going to knock me over, either. I like curves and I think most men in their right mind do too. (yes as a matter of fact I do shop at Victorias Secret) Men. Gotta love em. I sure do. ;) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: Ebbie Date: 01 Feb 01 - 05:53 PM You say/I say:
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down!
2. Do not cut your hair. Ever !! Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.
3. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not opportunities for quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
3. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
5. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
6. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
7. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
8. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
9. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
10. Crying is blackmail.
11. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
12. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
13. No, we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
14. Most guys own three pairs of shoes, tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
15. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
16. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
17.Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
18. Check your oil. Please.
19.Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
20. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
21. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
22. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
23.You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
24. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
25. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends (like THEIR relationship is SO MUCH better).
26. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like WINDOWS default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
27.If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
28.If it is OUR house, I do not understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet, attic, basement or worse, the garbage.
29. We aren't mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind reading ability isn't proof of how little we care about you.
30.If we ask what 's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. Eljoeclone, if this submission (Ha! Pun not intended) turns out better than the first one, would you pretty please delete the hard-to-read italicized one? Thank you. Eb Post - Top - Forum Home - Translate Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: Ebbie Date: 01-Feb-01 - 05:31 PM Oops |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: SINSULL Date: 01 Feb 01 - 05:54 PM Figures, mousethief. How did we know you just wouldn't get it. Spaw will. So will AllanC. Even Cletus will but not you. Poor Amergin is shaking his head and saying "Now I understand". And Matt is carefully making notes. But you just don't get it. Ebbie, To Number Five I would add an unrequested hug too. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: Lonesome EJ Date: 01 Feb 01 - 06:01 PM Pretty good, Eb. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: mousethief Date: 01 Feb 01 - 06:04 PM Boy, Sinsull, did you take a sour pill today or what? Why not keep the flames --and the condescending attitude-- over in the flame thread? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: Bert Date: 01 Feb 01 - 06:06 PM Hey SINS me darlin' how come you didn't mention me? I thought it was funny - I even fixed the post for her. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: SINSULL Date: 01 Feb 01 - 06:28 PM Sorry Bert. Of course you got it. mousie...how come your putdown of Ebbie is OK but my response to you is flaming and condescending? And khandu is taking up all my time on the flame thread so I can't fit you in. I was smiling my little furry friend. Sorry if I offended. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: mousethief Date: 01 Feb 01 - 06:35 PM Sins, thanks for the clarification/apology, which is gratefully accepted. But do let me clarify: I wasn't putting down Ebbie. In fact I complimented Ebbie. I was critiquing what she wrote. I have to assume that this outpouring of her pen doesn't perfectly encapsulate who she is, so that criticizing it is to be equated with "putting her down"? Alex |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: SINSULL Date: 01 Feb 01 - 06:50 PM You are just begging me to say something nasty, aren't you? Not fair. I am trying to be nice! "Out pouring", "Perfectly encapsulate"? I am going to the concert before I get into more trouble. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: Allan C. Date: 01 Feb 01 - 06:53 PM SINSULL, I can't find words to describe to you how it makes me feel for me to be lumped in with Cletus. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: GUEST Date: 01 Feb 01 - 07:00 PM Sinsull you might want to read this. -and no, I wasn't joking when I wrote it. It just happened to be the approriate thread. With each passing comment here in this thread and in others, he validates my opinion of him. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: SeanM Date: 01 Feb 01 - 07:02 PM 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down!Men: The toilet seat and lid go DOWN. Why do you suppose there's a color-coordinated cover on it? Response: Wait... isn't that there to warm my butt when I'm putting shoes on while you're dressing privately in the bedroom?2. Do not cut your hair. Ever !! Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.Men: If your hair has any chance of being pretty, DON'T get a butch, or a flattop or shave your skull, until it falls out. And when it's in the process of falling out, DON'T keep a few footlong strands from the back or above the ears to drape strategically over the top.Response: Deal. Just don't make any jokes about my hair if it starts to thin out, or I'll go for the spraypaint hair... I swear, I'm not kidding!3. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not opportunities for quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!Men: I agree neither of us needs presents.Response: As long as we maintain a difference between "needs" and "gets". I take joy in providing you with gifts on occasion, but every now and then... well, things confused, and the living room gets a new dress and you get TV antennaes. If you forgive me for this, then I'll forgive when the new tools you were getting me get transformed into lavender soaps.3.Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.Men: We usually are thinking of you, true, but oh, on occasion it could curl your hair- or alternatively, warm your heart cockles.Response: Actually, we probably are thinking of you most of the time on some level. However, your clothing for some reason doesn't seem to enter into it, at least for more than a few seconds.5. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.Men: Occasionally, you might volunteer one emotion-laden thought.Response: See #4 for the main reason you may not really want to hear what we have to say all too often. Also, we may not think about emotions a lot, but please try not to act too shocked if we do manage to come out with something sage.6. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. Men: We don't quite understand where your family figures in your life.Response:Family figures in as a mainstay in my life, something that permeates into all my activities, even if neither of us can pinpoint it. Sports is both an escape and a chance to bond closely with those family members who enjoy it. Plus, last time I checked, drinking beer, eating chips and shouting joyously weren't appreciated parts of changing the baby.7. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.Men: When you're browsing around in the boat shop or the hardware store or the gun outlet, you are SHOPPING.Response: But it's still not a sport. Notice how few hardware shopping trips take the place of Superbowl Parties.8. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really. Men: If you mean that, then pay some attention to me when we are somewhere.Response: Fair enough, but please don't be surprised if you get groped a wee bit on the way in, and please don't shoot down every attempt at complementing you with another round of "Am I getting fat?"9. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.Men: Change the world. Response: Once again, fair enough. But realize we can also never have enough toys, and yes, it DOES take 72 different screwdrivers and wrenches to change a light bulb.10. Crying is blackmail.Men: Change human nature.Response: OK, how's this then? Responding to EVERY personal difficulty by crying is not only blackmail, but makes us miserable. We like fixing things, and things we can't fix make us edgy.11.Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.Men: Don't get me started on the bimbos you used to be attracted to. Do you know why men are drawn to the dumb, pretty ones? It's because most men can see better than they can think.Response:First, don't reflect too deeply on this one... I was attracted to you, after all. I KNOW I'm an idiot. I prefer to think of myself as an idiot with occasional flashes of taste.12. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!Men: Then don't laugh, or alternatively, pout when I tell you.Response: Deal, as long as it's reciprocal.13. No, we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.Men: This one I grant you. It's part of the charm of being different.Response: Again, deal. Just PLEASE don't be upset when I can quote year, month, day and precise minute that a team won a certain game. No, I don't really know how I do it either.14. Most guys own three pairs of shoes, tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?Men: YOU look at our legs.Response: Think of it this way... when we look at your legs, we're not so much looking at them in regards to what they'd look best next to, unless by that you mean "they'd look best wrapped around me in passionate embrace". We're really rather one dimensional in that respect...15. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. Men: LISTEN. It's what I do for you.Response: This is one of our "differences". Men fix things. It's what we're raised to do. When you come to us with a problem, our natural reaction is to fix it. It confuses us when you don't appreciate it, or when you yell at us for trying to solve it.16. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.Men: You didn't notice the headache before?! If a headache doesn't stem from disease, look to your relationship.Response: Out of character, I've gotta agree on this one. Though... if you've had a 17 month headache, it may be time to stop hinting and pull out the "we need to talk" sledgehammer.17.Foreign films are best left to foreigners. Men: I grant you this one, if you don't require me to enjoy sports I have no interest in.Response: Deal. Though if I happen to show interest in one film, don't assume that this suddenly shows a compleat renaissance of my spirit and book us seats at the local art film fest. I'll try not to do the same if you end up sitting through an entire playoff game.18. Check your oil. Please.Men: Yes. And perhaps you could check the lint trap on the dryer? (That's the appliance that has a door in the front or on top where freshly washed clothes go. The clothes don't go in automatically)Response: Deal, again. I do request that if we've worked under an understanding that you take care of certain household duties in exchange for whatever it is that I'm doing, and you decide that this is no longer acceptable, PLEASE let me know rather than exploding.19. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. Men: Then let's on occasion actually RESOLVE a dispute, instead of having it end with slammed doors or in bed.Response: Fine. So long as they're actually resolved within 7 days. Preferably sooner.20. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. Men: If we did dress like Victoria's Secret girls, you wouldn't let us out of the house.Response: Hmmm... True. You'd have a less than %30 chance of clearing the bedroom door. But, if this were the case, would you truly mind?21. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. Men: I like this one!22. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic. Men: OK, and don't begrudge us a couple of looks too. By the way, what does 'discreetly' mean to you?Response: 'discreetly'; Any look or other act not designed to lead other person directly into bed. Seriously, though... looking is one thing. However, if I descend to making comments like "Look at her ass, honey. Why doesn't yours move like that?" I herewith give you permission to dump the main entree on my head... so long as I get reciprocal permission for the "Oooh... look how in shape he is... we should join a gym..."23. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.Men: This is best decided by painful experience.Response:It needs not be painful. Just try to accept that if not given explicit instructions about how you want a task done, we will NOT do it the way that you would. Hopefully, as little collateral damage will be inflicted as possible.24. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. Men: There are times when the TV should be OFF.Response: True. But those times should not normally include: Major news events, any time 3 or more objects explode on screen in under 2 minutes, or during the last 5 minutes of any sporting event. Exceptions may be made, but realize that I'm not gonna be happy about it.25. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends (like THEIR relationship is SO MUCH better).Men: See #5 above. And wouldn't you love it if you were the one guy that everyone wishes they had?Response: Actually, no. Chances are that to me, I am already 'the one guy'. After all, I'm the local Alpha Male. Don't make me start pissing on the doorstops.26. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like WINDOWS default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. Men: I grant you this one too. 27.If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. Men: See #22 above.ResponseI'll try to be discreet within bounds. However, please understand if I'm otherwise distracted. A simple butt scratch should be forgiven. However, I'll understand if you find full frontal crotch grabbing as a bit 'too much', and will try to curb this if reminded.28.If it is OUR house, I do not understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet, attic, basement or worse, the garbage.Men: The auto parts you plan to file and/or fit together, the dried-mud-caked boots, the waders, the fly-tying equipment don't belong in the kitchen or even the living room. Anything that the kids shouldn't get into shouldn't be there.Response: Just give me one room, then. That's all I ask.29. We aren't mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind reading ability isn't proof of how little we care about you.Men: Are we mind readers? Are we to surmise that you love us until the day you tell us you don't?Response: We'd much rather be asked directly rather than hinted at. See #12.30. If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.Men: It's hard to fit this subject into commercials.Response: True. I firmly believe that this is what 'half time' and the 'post game show' were made for. Alternately, after the game is always nice. *snicker* M
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: SINSULL Date: 01 Feb 01 - 07:16 PM AllanC, For what it is worth, I adore Cletus. He is a sweet, gentle soul being led astray by that equally sweet and gentle Spaw. You are actually in good and appropriate company. Guest, I cannot respect the opinion of someone who is too devious or frightened to come right out and say what he/she is thinking under his/her own name. my remarks triggered some deserved PMs and I dealt with them. Suggest you do the same or confront the mouse in a PM and clear the air. SeanM, Please not the dreaded spray hair. Anything but that. Very funny; very honest. Thank you. Ebbie, this demands a counter response, all warm and fuzzy. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 01 Feb 01 - 07:22 PM This must be an American thing...I can't understand any of it. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: Ebbie Date: 01 Feb 01 - 07:44 PM Sean, what fun! Thanks for the laughs- and the ideas... McGrath, how are relationships done in the UK? I would love to hear how the expectations - and the realities- differ there. Ebbie |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: Barbara Date: 01 Feb 01 - 08:26 PM That 'fix it' thing seems to be incredibly important to my significant other, to the point that I have to argue with him to change my own oil, (take it in for a change, actually), and if I miss by more than a couple hundred miles, he reads the damn sticker and reminds me. To me it feels like micro-management. To him it feels like he is helping me, and he feels strongly that I should appreciate this help. I think he actually feels useless and inadequate if he is not doing some job like this for me, and I feel like he's taking over my life. Do you suppose this is just one of those 'I come from Venus, he comes from Uranus' things? Puzzled in Portland (Blessings, Barbara)
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: SINSULL Date: 01 Feb 01 - 09:30 PM I hire someone to fix things around here. My sister-in-law is strapped with a Mr. Fix-It with 10 thumbs. Their kitchen faucets are reversed. Hot is cold; cold is hot. And you turn them the wrong way to get them on. I scald myself everytime I visit before I remember the secret code. Last year he fixed the floating ball in the toilet but dropped the tank top which shattered and couldn't be replaced - new toilet complete with plumber. He put his foot through the ceiling in the kitchen while putting down insulation in the attic. I figure it costs me half as much to hire licensed workers than their "do it yourself" plan. But why do men like this insist on fixing things? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: Bill D Date: 01 Feb 01 - 09:33 PM "Do you know why men are drawn to the dumb, pretty ones? It's because most men can see better than they can think" umm..well, what they told ME was that God gave men both a brain and a penis...but only enough blood to operate one at a time...*shrug*...in my youth it sometimes seemed like that was really the case. *weak grin* |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: Ebbie Date: 01 Feb 01 - 09:38 PM Bill D, is that where old men got the reputation of being wise? :) Eb |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: Bill D Date: 01 Feb 01 - 10:27 PM must be...I feel wiser every day |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: catspaw49 Date: 01 Feb 01 - 10:44 PM I know I seem to be getting smarter everyday............ Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: Grab Date: 02 Feb 01 - 07:18 AM Ouch, Ebbie! :-) #7: For some reason, I'm the one that likes shopping, and my wife just wants to get into the shop and get out again as quick as possible. Strange girl... #20: Just don't get as thin as them - when your partner cuts themselves on your hipbone, it's time to start the chip butty (or deep-fried Mars-bar) diet! Grab. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: GUEST Date: 02 Feb 01 - 08:19 AM ...never was one to defer much to religious figures, except when it serves my purposes, as it does now.... Dr. Billy Graham's wife Ruth had an astute observation that seems apropos to this thread. Paraphrasing, she said to her husband that if she thought exactly like him, then one of them was unnecessary. Thank God there are differences between the sexes. And it's a relief becoming more rare with the passage of time when one finds the occasional woman who agrees. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: GUEST,Matt_R Date: 02 Feb 01 - 08:22 AM Why even raise the seat ANYWAY? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: SINSULL Date: 02 Feb 01 - 08:27 AM AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Matt! I work in an office with a single rest room and men who don't raise the seat. It's a wonder I don't have a kidney infection from waiting 'til I get home. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: Midchuck Date: 02 Feb 01 - 08:28 AM I'm probably wasting bandwidth, but this whole thread may be a waste of bandwidth, so who can criticize? The bit about women and changing the oil remind me of the following, which I had stuck away in a mailbox file dedicated to "Humor and General Depravity." Peter. ************************************************* Oil Changing Instructions for Women: 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change. 2) Drink a cup of coffee. 3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Money spent:Oil Change Instructions for Men: 1) Go to O'Reilly's auto parts and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree. 2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard. 3) Open a beer and drink it. 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7) Place drain pan under engine. 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9) Give up and use crescent wrench. 10) Unscrew drain plug. 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process. 12) Clean up mess. 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain. 14) Look for oil filter wrench. 15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off. 16) Beer. 17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow. 18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. 19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18. 20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday. 21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer. 22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. 23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. 24) Remember drain plug from step 11. 25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. 26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug. 27) Drink beer. 28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug. 29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. 30) Drink beer. 31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame. 32) Bang head on floor boards in reaction to step 31. 33) Begin cussing fit. 34) Throw wrench. 35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992). 35) Beer. 36) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow. 37) Beer. 38) Beer. 39) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil. 40) Beer. 41) Lower car from jack stands. 42) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands. 43) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23. 44) Beer. 45) Test drive car. 46) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence. 47) Car gets impounded. 48) Make bail: Get car from impound yard. Money spent: |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: Midchuck Date: 02 Feb 01 - 08:30 AM Pooh. Some day I'll figure out why sometimes you get breaks without having to insert a break code if you leave a blank line, and sometimes you don't - but it won't be in this life. Peter. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: GUEST,Matt_R Date: 02 Feb 01 - 08:33 AM No no no I didn't mean it like that, Sins. I meant it more like, if a guy stands up when using the loo, and no one else in there to see...is he still standing up? --Matt (who thinks this may belong in the bathroom humour thread) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: LR Mole Date: 02 Feb 01 - 08:38 AM Hm. More unsaid than said, here. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: CamiSu Date: 02 Feb 01 - 09:54 AM Matt, if it ends up with pee on the seat, he stood up. If you sit down, now... I too hate to shop and my husband enjoys it. I forget birthdays, anniversaries, etc. He doesn't. (Actually I really forget what day it is TODAY!!! Always.) I'm better at fixing stuff around the house. He cooks. He takes twice as long in the shower and dressing as I do. And I know several couples like us. But it is still good for a laugh and there are some things that ring oh! SO TRUE! CamiSu |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: Kim C Date: 02 Feb 01 - 11:22 AM I had really short hair once. It was cute. (Go see my photo album if you don't believe me.) Now I have really long hair. I like it too. However Mister finally confessed that while he did like the short hair, he does like the long hair better... I still keep threatening to just shave my head one of these days... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: Bill D Date: 02 Feb 01 - 11:27 AM well, ladies, it is with great sadness that I note here that it is not even safe in public MEN'S room!...(many of you guys know exactly what I mean)...there are men who, for some dark reason known only to them, will NOT use a wall urinal, even when there are 2 or 3 or more available. (I am convinced that there are men who just will not pee in 'public' at an open urinal.....there are very strange minds out there) .....I have seen many a splattered mess in stalls in men's rooms, where it appeared that not only did they not raise the seat, but their aim was lousy. (and I am NOT just talking about bars/pubs etc, where too much beer can reduce judgement & coordination).....lets face it, there are some real slobs out there who simply have no consideration for others...and some of them are wearing business suits. *sigh* (you know, I have seethed about this for years....but only on Mudcat does the occasion arise to vent about it...go figure) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: Matt_R Date: 02 Feb 01 - 11:53 AM Kim, you'd look hot with any kind of hair! Or none at all for that matter! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: Kim C Date: 02 Feb 01 - 12:05 PM thanks Matt. ;) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: mousethief Date: 02 Feb 01 - 12:45 PM Oddly, I always told my ex-wife I liked how she looked in long hair, and she always cut it very short. As soon as we were divorced, she grew it long. What's that about? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: Matt_R Date: 02 Feb 01 - 02:47 PM For my stance on the whole issue, I'm with Randy Travis on this one.
You know time takes it's toll on the body |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: Kim C Date: 02 Feb 01 - 03:16 PM You're right Matt - Mister once had long hair (back in the 70s) and now has practically none. ;) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: SINSULL Date: 02 Feb 01 - 03:36 PM Matt, my love? IF a guy stands up to pee???? IF??? Am I now to assume that you do not? Don't I have enough to worry about? Don't you know about the alligators in the toilet? Stand up proudly Young Man! Stand up proudly! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: Matt_R Date: 02 Feb 01 - 03:43 PM Sinsull, I don't care about what men are "supposed to do". I'll do it my way. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: mousethief Date: 02 Feb 01 - 04:34 PM Hey, Matt, congratulations! You've managed to bring the thread back around to a musical topic....
What is a man, what has he got? MYYYYYYY WAYYYYYYYY!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: Steve in Idaho Date: 02 Feb 01 - 04:35 PM My Partner thinks I am the most handsome man she has ever met, can fix anything going, am polite, was trainable for public view, can cook, clean, do windows, play music that ought to be recorded, have a divine voice, and a sensitive nature. I think my partner is gorgeous, the best cook I ever met, the sweetest disposition ever, can do most anything I can - and is trainable for the rest, and believes that a $5.00 spree at the Goodwill is better than the mall. I think that I am a very lucky man. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Just for P---s, from One Broad's POV From: mousethief Date: 02 Feb 01 - 05:13 PM Norton, you're a very lucky man. |