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Song Challenge! Part 50

Áine 02 Mar 01 - 09:27 AM
GUEST,Roll&Go-c 02 Mar 01 - 10:13 AM
Wesley S 02 Mar 01 - 10:19 AM
MMario 02 Mar 01 - 10:57 AM
mousethief 02 Mar 01 - 11:12 AM
Trapper 02 Mar 01 - 11:28 AM
Uncle_DaveO 02 Mar 01 - 11:29 AM
Amergin 02 Mar 01 - 11:33 AM
MMario 02 Mar 01 - 11:35 AM
SINSULL 02 Mar 01 - 11:42 AM
Clifton53 02 Mar 01 - 11:45 AM
Trapper 02 Mar 01 - 12:37 PM
Dharmabum 02 Mar 01 - 01:47 PM
mousethief 02 Mar 01 - 02:09 PM
MMario 02 Mar 01 - 02:22 PM
GUEST 02 Mar 01 - 02:37 PM
Bradypus 02 Mar 01 - 06:52 PM
mousethief 02 Mar 01 - 06:55 PM
The Crazy Bird 03 Mar 01 - 02:33 AM
Dharmabum 03 Mar 01 - 08:10 AM
Amos 03 Mar 01 - 08:54 AM
Áine 03 Mar 01 - 09:35 AM
Dharmabum 03 Mar 01 - 10:50 AM
Rollo 03 Mar 01 - 03:25 PM
Hawker 03 Mar 01 - 04:23 PM
Amos 03 Mar 01 - 05:41 PM
Hawker 03 Mar 01 - 06:43 PM
Hawker 03 Mar 01 - 07:06 PM
Hawker 03 Mar 01 - 07:12 PM
Amos 04 Mar 01 - 01:43 AM
wysiwyg 04 Mar 01 - 02:00 AM
wysiwyg 04 Mar 01 - 02:06 AM
Áine 04 Mar 01 - 09:20 AM
wysiwyg 04 Mar 01 - 11:25 AM
Amos 04 Mar 01 - 12:31 PM
Hawker 04 Mar 01 - 01:07 PM
mousethief 05 Mar 01 - 07:11 PM
Scotsbard 05 Mar 01 - 07:36 PM
Bradypus 06 Mar 01 - 06:38 PM
Amos 06 Mar 01 - 08:29 PM
mousethief 07 Mar 01 - 01:31 AM
granny 08 Mar 01 - 03:41 PM
Áine 20 Mar 01 - 08:50 PM
MMario 20 Mar 01 - 08:56 PM
Aidan Crossey 05 Sep 01 - 10:20 AM
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Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: Áine
Date: 02 Mar 01 - 09:27 AM

Well Challenge!rs, we've reached the 'Big 5-0'! And just for you, I've found a 'gem' of an idea. So, Go For It, Challenge!rs!! *BG*

-- Áine

Yes, Virginia, There Really Is A Pot O' Gold! -- (HONG KONG, China) A Hong Kong jeweler has opened his doors to what is possibly the world's most glamorous convenience -- a glittering golden bathroom complete with two 24-carat solid gold toilets.

Having learned in school that Lenin had wanted to make gold toilets for the Russian people, Lam Sai-wing says he had long dreamed of creating the ultimate in lavish loos. Now the owner of a successful jewelers, Lam has finally turned his ideal dream into a $4.9 million reality.

Replete with gold wash basins, toilet brushes, toilet paper holders, mirrors, chandeliers and even wall tiles and doors made of solid gold, the 45-year old businessman calls his creation "a combination of my thoughts and ideals". Inside the ceiling of the "ancient Roman-style" washroom is encrusted with ruby, sapphire, emerald and amber.

However, visitors to Lam's luxury lavatory will find that it is open only to an exclusive few. Potential users will have to spend at least HK$1,000 (U.S.$138) on jewelry for the privilege to relieve themselves amid the finery. The restroom was not to everyone's taste though. "It's too wasteful, said one visitor.

Others who had the opportunity to make a dazzling deposit were more appreciative of the marketing concept behind the convenience. Wang Xifeng, a visitor from mainland China, said she appreciated Lenin's vision and Lam's realization of it. "It's a good selling point," she said with a smile. "It's a dream come true."


For a peek at the pot, click here!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: GUEST,Roll&Go-c
Date: 02 Mar 01 - 10:13 AM

What a creation! Just the thing for the international megabillionaire flushed with success. But remember, all that glitters is not necessarily gold. I must go somewhere more modest and meditate on this.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: Wesley S
Date: 02 Mar 01 - 10:19 AM

This is impracticle - theres no way a man could lift up a toilet seat that was made of gold - it would be too heavy and it would have to stay down all the time. Where's the logic in that ??


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: MMario
Date: 02 Mar 01 - 10:57 AM

DREAMS OF GOLD

Lam Sai-Wing was a jeweler
Who had a golden Dream
That combined his thoughts with Lenin's ideals
Though it was a bit extreme, Lord, Lord!
Yes it was a bit extreme

Well Lenin wanted golden toilets
For the Russians or so he said;
His dream's come true in Hong Kong now
It's too bad Lenin's dead, Lord, Lord!
Yes, it's too bad Lenin's dead

This luxurious lavatory
Was not for everyone
It cost him over 4 million
Before his dream was done, Lord, Lord!
Before his dream was done.

Twenty-four Caret are the crappers!
Solid gold is this loo
For a thousand dollars Hong Kong
You can take a golden poo, Lord, Lord!
You can take a golden poo!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: mousethief
Date: 02 Mar 01 - 11:12 AM

The Man Who Made Lenin's Gold Toilet
(tune: The man who shot liberty valance)

Back in the early Soviet days, when Lenin ran the zoo, the zoo
He wanted every citizen to have a golden loo
But the revolution kinda tied his hands,
And money was getting tight
The man that made Lenin's gold toilet,
He made Lenin's gold toilet
He was a Hong-Kong socialite

He grew up hearing all about the Comrade's gold commode, commode
He knew a golden toilet seat would meet the plumbing code
So he got good and rich from his jewelry shop,
And started to build his dream
The man that made Lenin's gold toilet,
He made Lenin's gold toilet,
To catch his clients' golden stream

Now if you go to Hong Kong town, you'll have to pay the price, the price
It isn't free to take a pee in toilets quite so nice
So you drop a cool thou in the jewelry shop,
And then you can pee in style
The man who built Lenin's gold toilet
He built Lenin's gold toilet
Now wears a gleaming golden smile

Everyone knows it don't come cheap
To make such a "pot" of gold
The man who made Lenin's gold toilet
He made Lenin's gold toilet
Can't keep the seat from feeling cold.

Copyright c 2001 Alex E. Riggle. All Rights Reserved.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: Trapper
Date: 02 Mar 01 - 11:28 AM

WHEN THE JOHNNY IS LINED WITH GOLD
by: Al Boyce 3/2/2001
Tune: When Johnny Comes Marching Home

In a jewelry shop in old Hong Kong
Hurrah, hurrah
Lam Sai-Wing he labored long
Hurrah, hurrah
Vlad Lenin's dream he made his own
By making himself a golden "throne"
And we'll all pee gay when
The Johnny is lined with gold

The Johnny is lined in gold my friends,
Hurrah, hurrah
And rubies encrust the loo's dustbin
Hurrah, hurrah
With diamond dust mixed in the tile grout
There's an ivory tusk for the water spout
And we'll all pee gay when
The Johnny is lined with gold

The butt wipe's thousand dollar bills
Hurrah, hurrah,
'Cause flushing cash just gives me thrills
Hurrah, hurrah
The crapper cost 5 million bucks
But porcelain potties really suck
And we'll all pee gay when
The Johnny is lined with gold

If you spend a thousand in his shop
Hurrah, Hurrah
In his gilded head you can then go "plop"
Hurrah, hurrah
Buy a ring or a diamond studded heart
And he'll let you go in and take a... look
And we'll all pee gay when
The Johnny is lined with gold


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 02 Mar 01 - 11:29 AM

A quote from above: "'It's too wasteful,' said one visitor."

Isn't that the idea of a toilet--WASTEful?

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: Amergin
Date: 02 Mar 01 - 11:33 AM

A golden throne......


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: MMario
Date: 02 Mar 01 - 11:35 AM

*we are not worthy!*

Trapper - excellant!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: SINSULL
Date: 02 Mar 01 - 11:42 AM

Oh crap!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: Clifton53
Date: 02 Mar 01 - 11:45 AM

Somewhere, Sir Thomas Crapper is spinning in his grave.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: Trapper
Date: 02 Mar 01 - 12:37 PM

Mutual admiration Mario! "golden poo" indeed! I love it!

- Al


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: Dharmabum
Date: 02 Mar 01 - 01:47 PM

THE GOLDEN LOO

I was invited to a party
Down in Hong Kong China
The house was quite elaborate
I have seen nothing fina.

The hostess was a gracious gal
Too generous to describe
The whiskey poured the champaine flowed
And I started to imbibe.

My mama always told me
Stay away from demon rum
But Mamas voice did quickly fade
As I started having fun.

Now what goes in it must come out
Soon I felt the nature call
I knew the time had come to find
That little room down the hall

I walked into that dark room
And I fondled for the light
To my surprise it hurt my eyes
Twas so shiny & so bright.

(chorus)
The golden loo
The golden loo
It it a wonderous thing
You'll pee just like the president
And crap just like a king.

The party went on all night long
I can't remember leaving
I woke up in a stupor
And my stomach felt like heaving.

Now I can't find my car keys
My wallet or left shoe
My recolection is quite faded
All but for that golden loo.

Now I've got myself a quandry
Resulting from intoxication
I've lost my ticket to Aruba
For a peacefull weeks vacation.

So I set out to searching
What else was I to do
I knocked on every door in town
To find that golden loo.

(chorus)
The golden loo
The golden loo
The stories I've been told
But there it was in front of me
A crapper made of gold.

I spent hours walking
Searching street by street
My knuckles raw from knocking
And blisters on my feet.

Alas,I banged that knocker
A man came to the door
I told of my dilemma
And what I was searching for.

He listened quite intently
To the story that I told
Of how I could only recall
A toilet made of gold.

Of my car keys & my wallet
And my airfare to Aruba
He turned & said"Hey Dear I found"
"The guy that crapped into your tuba".

(chorus)
The golden loo
The golden loo
A treasure to behold
You'll feel just like an Emperor
On a crapper made of gold.

DB.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: mousethief
Date: 02 Mar 01 - 02:09 PM

Crapper With the Golden Top
(tune: Surrey with the fringe on top)

When you sit right down tonight, to pee
Honey here's the way it's goin' to be:
You will set upon a gleaming golden toilet
In the slickest john you ever see!

Gents and dames and kids look so dapper
When they're sitting down on the crapper
When they're sitting down on the crapper with the golden top!
Watch that gold and see how it glistens
When you're sitting there just a-pissin'
But you must spend big for permission in the jewelry shop

The seat is golden, the basin is too
The faucet is 24 karat
With all the accessories money can buy
Lam Sai-wing has the cash and don't spare it!

Body piercings scrape, scratch and spoil it
People who can't aim sometimes soil it
Soil that first-class, world-class toilet at the jewelry shop
But my butt looks damn' fine and proper
Nothing here is made out of copper
On the shining, gleaming crapper with the gol-den-top!

Copyright © 2001 Alex E. Riggle. All Rights Reserved.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: MMario
Date: 02 Mar 01 - 02:22 PM

Note to self. Do NOT try to drink anything when reading song challanges.

MT! *BRAVO!* I can practically hear Curly singing it.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Mar 01 - 02:37 PM

Wesley - At long last; the definitive solution to "Why do men always leave the toilet seat up?!"


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: Bradypus
Date: 02 Mar 01 - 06:52 PM

Everyone seems flushed with success on this one.

Here's my offering - the tune is 'Golden, Golden', by Andy M Stewart.

The Golden Bowl

Slowly, slowly walk the street
The shops admire, your wallet flush
The jeweller find, and enter in
And wait in a silent hush

Chorus

Golden, golden is the bowl
In rich surrounds, a work of art
Slowly, slowly, do your stuff
Then reverently you must part

Wildly, wildly eye the goods
The stones and gems, their beauty palls
A thousand dollars gladly pay
Then go where nature calls

Gently, gently take your seat
The metal cold behind your knees
The crusted gems on fitments all
Designed a lord to please

Loudly, loudly sounds the flush
As water pours on pan of gold
Then wash your hands, and then retire
Collect the goods you've been sold

Wonder, wonder what it means
Extravagant waste, or work of art
A Chinese joke of poorest taste
Or just somewhere to … sit


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: mousethief
Date: 02 Mar 01 - 06:55 PM

Great stuff, guys. I've got to hand it to ya. Or, not.

Alex


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: The Crazy Bird
Date: 03 Mar 01 - 02:33 AM

GOLDEN WC (pernounced vee-see, in Europe)
(tune: "Lord won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz)

Lord, won't you buy me a golden W. C.?
My friends all own symbols of prosperity.
But they'll die of green envy when they go take a leak
In my bathroom containing a golden W. C..

Lord, if I owned me a golden crapper,
I could listen to metallic splash and splatter
While relieving my bowels on expensive matter!
Lord, won't you buy me a golden crapper?

Lord, won't you buy me a golden toilet?
I'm sure I could make it turn a profit!
I could charge cold cash to sit on your ass!
Lord, won't you buy me a golden toilet?

Lord, won't you buy me a golden W.C....?


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: Dharmabum
Date: 03 Mar 01 - 08:10 AM

You guys are a bowl full of laughs!

DB


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: Amos
Date: 03 Mar 01 - 08:54 AM

Turd In A Golden Bowl

Tune: A Bird In a Gilded Cage

It's only a turd, in a golden bowl
A beautiful sight to see.
You may think that it means she is free from care
Assured regularity!
It's rounded and formed by greed,  you see;
A thing with no life, or soul
And its beauty is  pale, in a rich man's jail --
It's a turd in a golden bowl!


The bathroom was filled with rich delights
 It shone with a golden light;
 And there was a woman who passed along
 The fairest of all the sights!
A girl to her lover then softly sighed:
 "What product! What bowels! How grand!"
But he cried, "That's absurd! It is only a turd
"Though it lies  in a golden stand!...
 

It's only a turd, in a golden bowl
A beautiful sight to see.
You may think that it means she is free from care
Assured regularity!
It's rounded and formed by greed,  you see;
A thing with no life, or soul
And its beauty is  pale, in a rich man's jail --
It's a turd in a golden bowl!
 
I stood near a sewage plant, by the sea'
As the sun drove away the rain.
 And looked at the flow that did seaward go
 From crappers both great and plain
 A large and well formed piece, I knew on sight
Came from one who'd been  Queen of Wealth
And I thought: it is truer, among its kind
 Than it seemed on that golden shelf!
 
It's only a turd, in a golden bowl
A beautiful sight to see.
You may think that it means she is free from care
Assured regularity!
It's rounded and formed by greed,  you see;
A thing with no life, or soul
And its beauty is  pale, in a rich man's jail --
It's a turd in a golden bowl!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: Áine
Date: 03 Mar 01 - 09:35 AM

I knew you guys would love this one! *BG* Apologies to all for not giving out the Silver B.L.O.B.s (best lines o' bull) yet; but, I started packing stuff last night in anticipation of moving to our NEW HOUSE (Yes, they've accepted our offer and we move on 30th! Yee-haw!!). And this morning, I'm off to the North Texas Irish Festival and booth duty for the Gaelic League.

Nuff said, I'll be back tonight and really put my shoulder to the golden grindstone and hand out the appropriate B.L.O.B.s. So, keep it up -- you're doing great!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: Dharmabum
Date: 03 Mar 01 - 10:50 AM

SUPER DOOPER PLATINUM POOPER
(sung to,Itsy Bitsy, Teenie Weenie, Yellow Polka Dot Bikini)

I was vacationing down in ol' Hong Kong
A place that I find is quite nice
But while sampling the fare of ol' Hong Kong
I digested some rancid fried rice.

My stomach it started to rumble
The feeling was rather abrupt
I must find a bathroom quite quickly
Like St. Helens I fear I'll erupt.

I ran to the first place I saw there
Hoping they would understand
I explained of my urgent dilemma
But they said "It'll cost you a grand."

(chorus)
1,2,3,4,What was behind that bathroom door
It was a super dooper platinum pooper
Bright & shiny for my hinie
That I saw for the first time today
A bathroom that's got all the trappings
Built just right for royal crappings
I fell in love with that bathroom today.

I was afraid to sit down on that toilet
I was scared to sit down on that loo
Deep inside I just can't stand the pressure
And I don't know what I'm gonna do.

Well I'd never seen anything like it
This was rather an odd circumstance
I cautiously walked in that bathroom
And carefully took down my pants.

I felt rather stately there sitting
As if I were brought up high class
It made for a royal bowel movement
With that feeling of gold on my ass.

(chorus)
1,2,3,4,What was behind that bathroom door
It was a super dooper platinum pooper
Bright & shiny for my hinie
That I saw in the bathroom today
A bathroom that's got all the trappings
Built just right for royal crappings
I fell in love for the first time today.

So if you ever find yourself in Hong Kong
And you suddenly hear nature's call
Run down to the jewelry district
Find that golden room just down the hall.

DB.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: Rollo
Date: 03 Mar 01 - 03:25 PM

Melody: "Sally Brown"

1. Chanteyman: Went to Hong Kong and had to widdle
Chorus: Sit, sit, please sit down!
Oh we went to the chinese jeweller
to make the golden potty brown!

2. Chanteyman: They made me pay twohundred dollars
Chorus: Sit, sit, please sit down!
Oh we went to...

3. Never seen so posh a lavvy
Chorus:...

4. Golden seats and diamond ceiling / chorus:

5. A golden frame for precious jewels / chorus:

6. The gold was so cold it made me holler
Chorus: Sit, sit, please sit down!
Or you have to clean the floor
by the golden pots of hong kong town!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: Hawker
Date: 03 Mar 01 - 04:23 PM

LAMMY'S BOG

(to the tune of Johnny Todd)

LamSai-wing he built a bathroom In Hong Kong at his abode In it placed a piece of artwork Better than aunt Ming's commode!

Having learned at school that Lenin Also had the same dream too He proceeded to design a bathroom Fit for any Royals poo.

Inside he placed to glittering toilets Crappers made in solid gold And a basin for to wash your hands in Golden taps for hot and cold

The ceiling too he then encrusted Diamonds, amber, rubies too Upon which you then could ponder Whilst you did a number two!

If you wish to spend a penny This one's not the loo for you It will cost more than a penny In fact more than a bob or two...

Lam Sai-wing will only let you Pamper well your choccie log If you spend a thousand Hong Kong dollars you can shit upon his bog!

When you're done upon his privvy Dont' forget, wipe underneath...... Will you use bog standard 'Andrex' Or wipe your arse with pure gold leaf?

Sorry, it's really CRAP!!!! LOL well done on the choice of subject matter Aine, too may puns to play with, spoilt for choice - which begs me ask the question..... why 2 toilets?

Lucy


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: Amos
Date: 03 Mar 01 - 05:41 PM

LAMMY'S BOG

(to the tune of Johnny Todd)

LamSai-wing he built a bathroom
In Hong Kong at his abode
In it placed a piece of artwork
Better than aunt Ming's commode!

Having learned at school that Lenin
Also had the same dream too
He proceeded to design a bathroom
Fit for any Royals poo.

Inside he placed two glittering toilets
Crappers made in solid gold
And a basin for to wash your hands in
Golden taps for hot and cold

The ceiling too he then encrusted
Diamonds, amber, rubies too
Upon which you then could ponder
Whilst you did a number two!

If you wish to spend a penny
This one's not the loo for you
It will cost more than a penny
In fact more than a bob or two...

Lam Sai-wing will only let you
Pamper well your choccie log
If you spend a thousand Hong Kong dollars
You can shit upon his bog!

When you're done upon his privvy
Dont' forget, wipe underneath......
Will you use bog standard 'Andrex'
Or wipe your arse with pure gold leaf?

(Fixed the returns. I think its hilarious!! Regards, A.)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: Hawker
Date: 03 Mar 01 - 06:43 PM

Thanx Amos, if you read the foot & mouth thread you'll see I needed something to laugh about!

How do you do that? shall I start a thread or are you going to tell me its in the Mudcat new chappies guide that I only scan when I want to know something and am too lazy to look properly!

Cheers, Lucy


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: Hawker
Date: 03 Mar 01 - 07:06 PM

OK, OK I think I may have been a bit lazy!
But has this HTML stuff I just typed worked?
Hope so or I didn't read it right............ Lucy


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: Hawker
Date: 03 Mar 01 - 07:12 PM

Yippeeeeee!!!!!!
This is great!
for those of you who have not mastered the art of HTML, look on the Mudcat Faq's it's worth doing, just to get your song looking good when you type it
Of course most of you already know that, it's just us mere mortals who take a little longer to get the hang of all this!
Cheers, Lucy


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: Amos
Date: 04 Mar 01 - 01:43 AM

Way to go, Hawker!! You got it!!

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: wysiwyg
Date: 04 Mar 01 - 02:00 AM

"She tore off HTML tags like so many sheets of TP."

Glad you could pull it off, Lucy!

~S~


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: wysiwyg
Date: 04 Mar 01 - 02:06 AM

Open season on finishing this one-- I gotta go now.

Tune, "Time in a Bottle"

Oh if I could sit down, on your toilet,
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is expend every ounce of this terrible burden
Again, and again I'd make poo.

'Cause there never seems to be enough dough
To pay the man, just to go
To the bathroom.
I've crapped myself
Up and down
Not the way
I wanna go through town, though.


~S~


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: Áine
Date: 04 Mar 01 - 09:20 AM

It's a good thing I've been keeping the house so clean lately, what with trying to sell it, because I've got a bad case of ROTFLMAO (or in Irish, ARAAUAGMTD)!! You all have done yourselves proud on this one -- As good as the classic Great Easter Bonnet Challenge of 2000!

Here are your Silver B.L.O.B.s, presented with a big Maith sibh! to all:

To MMario for:
Twenty-four Caret are the crappers!
Solid gold is this loo
For a thousand dollars Hong Kong
You can take a golden poo, Lord, Lord!
You can take a golden poo!


To mousethief for:
Everyone knows it don't come cheap
To make such a "pot" of gold
The man who made Lenin's gold toilet
He made Lenin's gold toilet
Can't keep the seat from feeling cold.


To Trapper for:
The butt wipe's thousand dollar bills
Hurrah, hurrah,
'Cause flushing cash just gives me thrills
Hurrah, hurrah
The crapper cost 5 million bucks
But porcelain potties really suck
And we'll all pee gay when
The Johnny is lined with gold


To Dharmabum for:
Of my car keys & my wallet
And my airfare to Aruba
He turned & said "Hey Dear I found"
"The guy that crapped into your tuba".


To mousethief for:
Body piercings scrape, scratch and spoil it
People who can't aim sometimes soil it
Soil that first-class, world-class toilet at the jewelry shop
But my butt looks damn' fine and proper
Nothing here is made out of copper
On the shining, gleaming crapper with the gol-den-top!


To Bradypus for:
Wonder, wonder what it means
Extravagant waste, or work of art
A Chinese joke of poorest taste
Or just somewhere to … sit


To The Crazy Bird for:
Lord, if I owned me a golden crapper,
I could listen to metallic splash and splatter
While relieving my bowels on expensive matter!
Lord, won't you buy me a golden crapper?


To Amos for:
It's only a turd, in a golden bowl
A beautiful sight to see.
You may think that it means she is free from care
Assured regularity!
It's rounded and formed by greed, you see;
A thing with no life, or soul
And its beauty is pale, in a rich man's jail --
It's a turd in a golden bowl!


To Dharmabum for:
1,2,3,4,What was behind that bathroom door
It was a super dooper platinum pooper
Bright & shiny for my hinie
That I saw in the bathroom today
A bathroom that's got all the trappings
Built just right for royal crappings
I fell in love for the first time today.


To Rollo for:
The gold was so cold it made me holler
Chorus: Sit, sit, please sit down!
Or you have to clean the floor
by the golden pots of hong kong town!


To Hawker for:
When you're done upon his privvy
Dont' forget, wipe underneath......
Will you use bog standard 'Andrex'
Or wipe your arse with pure gold leaf?


To WYSIWYG for:
Oh if I could sit down, on your toilet,
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is expend every ounce of this terrible burden
Again, and again I'd make poo.


WHEW!! What a lot of cr--, uh, I mean, wonderful and fantastic words doing homage to one of our basic human activities . . . I'm gonna rest my hands for awhile, and see if anyone else would like to contribute to the pile -- The Chips will fly on the 'morrow, however, and I hope that you'll all be up (and off the pot *BG*) for a new Challenge!

Well done 'Catters!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: wysiwyg
Date: 04 Mar 01 - 11:25 AM

Well, she-ee-ee-ee-did-it!

~S~


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: Amos
Date: 04 Mar 01 - 12:31 PM

Its gonna take me a while to digest all this, but it really has been a rich experience. Thanks for the Blob, oh GG. As my dear mum once said, "This too shall pass!".


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: Hawker
Date: 04 Mar 01 - 01:07 PM

In the words of William Shakespeare in A Midsummer nught's dream.......
"Oh Bottom, thou art changed!
Lucy


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: mousethief
Date: 05 Mar 01 - 07:11 PM

I'm flushed with pride.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: Scotsbard
Date: 05 Mar 01 - 07:36 PM

*L*L*L*

I'll have a go at this later ...

~S~


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: Bradypus
Date: 06 Mar 01 - 06:38 PM

Eldest daughter's homework:

Write a ballad on a current news story. At least 10 verses, A B C B rhyme scheme, 8:6:8:6 metre.

Makes the song challenge seem easy !

Bradypus


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: Amos
Date: 06 Mar 01 - 08:29 PM

Aw c'mon, Brady. Just make her chant some 8 and 6 beat lines using nonsense syllables until she gets the rhythm; the rest will fall into place as soon as she starts thinking about a subject.

I walked a beach beside the sea;
The tides were warm and red...
And where the ocean's song should sing,
The handgun sang instead...

See?

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: mousethief
Date: 07 Mar 01 - 01:31 AM

Why just read the news? Why not make news?

I went to school one March morning
And when my teacher said
That we must write a news ballad
I wished that he were dead

And so I went to Smitty's Guns
That very self-same night
And bought a charming little piece
To do the job just right

you get the idea....


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: granny
Date: 08 Mar 01 - 03:41 PM

THE HONG KONG GOOSE

The 'goose that laid the golden egg'
Went honking through Hong Kong
A jeweler grabbed her by the leg,
Said, 'Please don't take this wrong --
But, I 've got just the place for you,
A nest of shining gold;
You lay some eggs, and, 'pay-per-view,'
My patrons shall behold!

Chorus:

It's honk, honk
Honk on, Hong Kong Goose
It's honk, honk
Honk on, Hong Kong Goose
Keep honkin' that horn,
Someday they'll let you loose.

Oh, silly goose! They love her best
Not just for a golden egg;
To hear her singing from her nest
The jewelry patrons beg;

But, more than rings at Lam Sai-wing's,
And more than honks and clucks,
The eggs the goose lays while she 'sings'
Are really making bucks!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: Áine
Date: 20 Mar 01 - 08:50 PM

. . . and the clouds opened (tentatively) and a voice spoke (timidly) . . .

It is with sincere apologies for the delay that I hereby post the Winners of the Song Challenge! Part 50 -- I've got a good reason, really -- blame it on Mr. & Mrs. Diffident (sellers of the Moon on the Hill) and Mr. Eyes-Too-Close-Together Anal Retentive (the now-fired lending agent) . . . If Dear Hubby and I survive until April First (moving day -- and yes, I know what day that is!), it'll be a miracle. Well, that's enough whining from me (valid though it may be) --

Cudos, congrats and beaucoups thanks to all you wunnerful, wunnerful, Challenge!rs for making me do a Memorial MMario Spit Take for each and every entry for this Challenge! Bravo and Brava to you all. Here are your oh-so-appropos Golden Cow Chip Awards:

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster:
Dreams of Gold by MMario
The Golden Bowl by Bradypus
Golden Potty Brown by Rollo
Lammy's Bog by Hawker


Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon:
Golden WC by The Crazy Bird
The Hong Kong Goose by granny
The Man Who Made Lenin's Gold Toilet by mousethief
Super Dooper Platinum Pooper by Dharmabum


Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest:
Crapper With the Golden Top by mousethief
The Golden Loo by Dharmabum
Turd In A Golden Bowl by Amos
When The Johnny Is Lined With Gold by Trapper


. . . and before the clouds (now dampened by the frustrated blubbering of the Goddess) closed once again, soft strains of saccharine musak emitted forth from the skies and a plaintive voice was heard to sing . . . 'You light up my life -- now go and light a fire under the arse of the new lending agent . . .'


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: MMario
Date: 20 Mar 01 - 08:56 PM

You could just mention - in an oh-so-diffident voice - that you know a few hundred musicians who would feature him in a satire or two if he/she doesn't get on the ball...


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 50
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 05 Sep 01 - 10:20 AM

To the tune of "The Boys From The County Armagh". (Although born there, it's a tune I can't stand. Quite fitting then for this challenge!)

THE GOLD JOHN OF HONG KONG
There's one architectural marvel
Of which very few have heard tell
The smallest room in my mansion
The one which is oft prone to smell
I've lavished a lot of attention
It's worthy indeed of a song
It's a mystery, a wonder, a jewel
The Gold John of Hong Kong

It's my own golden throne
Far across the foam
I miss it when my business
Takes me far away from home
No matter where I wander
Though the trip be short or long
I can't wait for my arse to be resting
On the Gold John of Hong Kong

I love the feel of the metal
As I lower myself for a dump
And the way that it babbles and tinkles
Whenever I'm having a pump
It causes me some satisfaction
When sometimes I cause it to pong
My mystery, my wonder, my jewel
The Gold John of Hong Kong

It's my own golden throne
Far across the foam
I miss it when my business
Takes me far away from home
No matter where I wander
Though the trip be short or long
I can't wait for my arse to be resting
On the Gold John of Hong Kong

I've travelled at great length in Asia
Camdodia, Thailand, Shanghai
Indonesia, Singapore, Bali
Beijing, Nepal and Hanoi
But the likes of my gold-plated crapper
I've never once seen on the way
You'll not meet its match on the Great Silk Route
Nor the Road to Mandalay

It's my own golden throne
Far across the foam
I miss it when my business
Takes me far away from home
No matter where I wander
Though the trip be short or long
I can't wait for my arse to be resting
On the Gold John of Hong Kong


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