BS: Attainable Affirmations

Subject: Attainable Affirmations
From: Skeptic
Date: 02 Mar 01 - 01:25 PM

Thought this might help.

ATTAINABLE AFFIRMATIONS

01. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.

02. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

03. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.

04. I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to stay employed.

05. In some cultures, what I do would be considered normal.

06. Having control over myself is almost as good as having control over others.

07. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of self-judgment.

08. I honor my personality flaws for without them I would have no personality at all.

09. Joan of Arc heard voices, too.

10. I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.

11. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.

12. As I learn the innermost secrets of people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.

13. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying.

14. The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.

15. As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.

16. All of me is beautiful, even the ugly, stupid and disgusting parts.

17. I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.

18. Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so!"

19. False hope is better than no hope at all.

20. A good scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.

21. Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear in the Hollywood Cafe. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.

22. Who can I blame for my problems? Just give me a minute.... I'll find someone.

23. Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?

24. The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.

25. I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.

Regards

John

Subject: RE: BS: Attainable Affirmations
From: SINSULL
Date: 02 Mar 01 - 01:49 PM

Amen.

Subject: RE: BS: Attainable Affirmations
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 03 Mar 01 - 12:43 PM

Too good to let slip away! Refresh!

Subject: RE: BS: Attainable Affirmations
From: catspaw49
Date: 03 Mar 01 - 01:21 PM

Always nice to have goals and these are ones I can easily attain...............hmmmm........Come to think of it, in most cases I have. WOW!!! I knew I was doing well!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Attainable Affirmations
From: Troll
Date: 03 Mar 01 - 01:34 PM

Skeptic merely lists them. He does not attempt to actually attain them.
The height of his ambition is to make it to work without catching a single light.
I used to work a block from where he works and I managed it quite regularly; at least once a week.
He tries, but so far success has eluded him.
I, on the other hand, am working on something much more difficult; trying to memorize my Social Security Number.
I've got the first three numbers down pat. Only six more to go!

troll

Subject: RE: BS: Attainable Affirmations
From: Skeptic
Date: 03 Mar 01 - 02:01 PM

Troll,

As usual, you miss the point entirely. As a matter of public service, I posted the list to help you overcome your delusions of competncy and attain some small sense of effacacy to brighten your meaningless life.

#2, #3, #8, #9 and #10 are especially pertinent. As usual, you missed the point entirely.

BTW, That isn't your SSN, its your phone number. The one we had to have disconnected becaue of the court order.

Your family is still trying to get you a SSN number so please stop calling and asking for a differnet number for each of your personalities.

Thank you so much for sharing with us all. I'm sure all our lives are enriched by your comments. Much like Black Cow enriches the soil in my garden.

Regards

John

Subject: RE: BS: Attainable Affirmations
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 Mar 01 - 02:05 PM

fALSE HOPE IS BETTER THAN NO HOPE AT ALL.

Subject: RE: BS: Attainable Affirmations
From: Troll
Date: 04 Mar 01 - 12:30 AM

Skeptic, you mean there was a POINT to all that verbiage? And here I thought it was just a cut-and-paste project.
The law states that everyone needs a social security number. Do you mean to say that Angie and Freddie and Mr.Feebish and Chuck (well maybe not Chuck) and the others SHOULDN'T have SSN's?
Are you suggesting that we break the law? Huh? Huh?
Is that what you're suggesting?

troll

Subject: RE: BS: Attainable Affirmations
From: paddymac
Date: 04 Mar 01 - 01:03 AM

Even in jest, people with, ahem, multi-faceted personalities, or multiple personalities, are pestiferous. Nothing like a little stress to bring them all out.

Subject: RE: BS: Attainable Affirmations
From: Don Firth
Date: 04 Mar 01 - 03:49 AM

People with multiple personalities should share them with those who don't have any.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Attainable Affirmations
From: Skeptic
Date: 04 Mar 01 - 09:56 AM

Don Firth,

Despite what we all learned growing up, when it comes to sharing, Troll's personalities are classed as an exception (along with chickenpox, answers to tests and telling the neighbors the truth about Uncle Jim)

They are best appreciated from afar. A degree in abnormal psychology or extensive readings and appreciation for absurdist literature is highly recommended.

Troll,

The rule is one SSN per body, not per personality.

Which fact will probably precipitate another ....incident.

You remain the only person I know who can have co-dependency issues that don't involve another person.

Regards

John

Subject: RE: BS: Attainable Affirmations
From: Amergin
Date: 04 Mar 01 - 12:14 PM

words to live by......

Subject: RE: BS: Attainable Affirmations
From: guest(intruder-inactive)
Date: 04 Mar 01 - 12:44 PM

only one ssn per... oh, never mind

i once lent one of my "extra" personalities to an acquaintance
and it came back as jeffrey dahmer (helluva cook, tho)

i told joan "don't tell anyone about the voices", but did she listen?

Subject: RE: BS: Attainable Affirmations
From: Sarah2
Date: 04 Mar 01 - 02:16 PM

There's a book here: Everything I Need to Know I Learned from My Shrink. So, Troll/Angie/Freddie/Mr.Feebish/Chuck (well, maybe not Chuck), get cracking on it. And remember all your cyberfriends when you're rich and famous.

Ta,

Sarah (a.k.a. Mary/Alice/Elizabeth/Dorothy/Horse pistol Lou)

Subject: RE: BS: Attainable Affirmations
From: Troll
Date: 05 Mar 01 - 11:35 AM

Actually, perhaps the members of the Forum could be of some help. Angie (who is five) is looking for a Hannibal Lecter Doll.
Any ideas?
BTW, Democracy is safe for one more day. Skeptic was called for jury duty but the case was dismissed.

troll

Subject: RE: BS: Attainable Affirmations
From: SINSULL
Date: 05 Mar 01 - 11:43 AM

When I adopted my son, he had multiple Social Securtiy numbers. Seems some foster parents had gotten creative with their accounting. So I, not knowing this, apply for a Social Security Number for him and get notified that I have to appear in person and explain why my son has multiple numbers. Really pissed me off and I refused. They threatened litigation - big word from little clerk. I replied: "This is the number he's using. I dare you to arrest me". Several weeks later I received official notification that that number was in fact the correct one. I am still tempted to use some of the others just to see what would happen.

Subject: RE: BS: Attainable Affirmations
From: late 'n short 2
Date: 05 Mar 01 - 11:51 AM

Skeptic,

...et al: You'll probably enjoy this

Subject: RE: BS: Attainable Affirmations
From: late 'n short 2
Date: 05 Mar 01 - 11:54 AM

Okay I messed it up. Try this

Subject: RE: BS: Attainable Affirmations
From: Skeptic
Date: 05 Mar 01 - 12:47 PM

late 'n short2

I did. Thanks. Solved a lot of my gift giving problems

Regards

John

Subject: RE: BS: Attainable Affirmations
From: Wesley S
Date: 05 Mar 01 - 01:02 PM

A true friend is someone who - when you are sad - will get you drunk and help you hunt down the scum sucking bastard that made you that way.

A true friend is someone who - when you are blue - will help dislodge whatevers choking you.

A true frien is someone who - when you are confused - will use one syllable words to explain it to you.

A true friend is someone who - when you smile - will know that you FINALLY got laid.

Subject: RE: BS: Attainable Affirmations
From: Matt_R
Date: 05 Mar 01 - 02:47 PM

Am I missing something here?

Subject: RE: BS: Attainable Affirmations
From: Sarah2
Date: 05 Mar 01 - 02:52 PM

A true friend is someone who will never say, "Should you be eating that?"

Sarah

Subject: RE: BS: Attainable Affirmations
From: Skeptic
Date: 05 Mar 01 - 04:12 PM

A true friend is someone who knows all your faults, and likes you anyway.

Regards

John

Subject: RE: BS: Attainable Affirmations
From: mousethief
Date: 05 Mar 01 - 04:59 PM

A true friend never sends you platitudes by email.

Subject: RE: BS: Attainable Affirmations
From: Skeptic
Date: 05 Mar 01 - 08:27 PM

Exactly

Regards

John

Subject: RE: BS: Attainable Affirmations
From: Kim C
Date: 06 Mar 01 - 11:38 AM

But I like getting platitudes, by e-mail or otherwise. Some days it's the only thing that keeps my job from getting dreadfully boring! ;)

Are Troll and Skeptic brothers or something?

Subject: RE: BS: Attainable Affirmations
From: Troll
Date: 07 Mar 01 - 08:16 AM

Or something. Please see the thread: "The Dreadful Truth"

troll