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BS: Tavern Rites of Spring
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: Lonesome EJ Date: 21 Mar 01 - 11:43 PM Well, Matt. Pressure's on. If you're still a virgin at High Noon, we'll have to drown you in the Giant Amphora of Diana, which really ain't that bad by the way. I went through it back when I was a virgin, and once more when I achieved born-again virgin status in my mid-twenties. But with all these nymphs nipping about bedecked with diaphonous veils and so forth, I'd say you've got a damn good shot at avoiding the dreaded submersion. Follow Mick around and do what he does, but watch out for that female-gorilla stalker that's after him. Now, it has been brought to my attention that we are running a bit low on wine, but as we have this large vat and a plentiful supply of grapes...everybody off with your sandals and into the vat! Everybody but Catspaw, that is...I don't wanna see the kind of feet he's got inside those Converse high-tops. Anyone know the Tarantella? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: alison Date: 21 Mar 01 - 08:17 PM Matt didn't they tell you... you aren't going to lose it.......... they just sacrifice you....... otherwise you wouldn't be a "virgin" sacrifice anymore....... mean isn't it....... here drink some ambrosia.... you'll feel better............
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: hesperis Date: 21 Mar 01 - 07:48 PM Whaddya wanna *hic* SIN? Ha Ha Ha *hic* Anybpody wanna join me *hic* in drinking these amphorae? Nothing *hic* else, ok*hic*ay? Hey, DrinKing! Let's crown a Drink King! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: Micca Date: 21 Mar 01 - 07:36 PM Why is the wood spirit chasing the satyrs??? Oh....Its Satyr day night and I aint got no body?? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: Hollowfox Date: 21 Mar 01 - 06:33 PM Sinsull, I wasn't gonna chomp on the satyrs! Can I nibble, though? What ARE you hungry for, anyway? Let me know and I'll whip it up. Whaddaya wanna sin? you start the shanty of your choice, I'll join in, and between the two of us, we'll know plenty of verses. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: Matt_R Date: 21 Mar 01 - 04:31 PM Yeah, like ol' Hrungnir! He got a boulder to the noggin! BAM!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: SINSULL Date: 21 Mar 01 - 04:31 PM Says the Greek with the torn toga to the local tailor: "Eumenides?" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: Amos Date: 21 Mar 01 - 04:28 PM I think we can find some Loki anaesthetic here, just he doesn't get a swollen head.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: Allan C. Date: 21 Mar 01 - 04:22 PM Gee, that'd be sure to make him Thor! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: SINSULL Date: 21 Mar 01 - 04:21 PM I wouldn't bring that up right now, Matt. Not with Zeus running around with a potato masher. You might lose more than your virginity. Besides, Big Mick is in charge of fertility rites - and he is pre-occupied at the moment. Just got a thunderbolt in the spud (if you know what I mean). |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: Matt_R Date: 21 Mar 01 - 04:18 PM Isn't it time for my virginity-losing ceremony? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: SINSULL Date: 21 Mar 01 - 04:03 PM More trouble! Zeus just found out about Big Mick letting Allison loose. He's chasing him around the lower forty with a potato masher. At least this is interesting. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: SINSULL Date: 21 Mar 01 - 03:02 PM Hey! Bacchus. This party sucks. Everybody's bitching. Nobody's having fun except Mick and the fair one - and they're having their own party. Bad puns, bad poetry, bad costumes...and no sea shanties! The sheep (camel) is blood rare and LonesomeEJ is well done. Hesperis is down to 54 amphorae - if she takes one more swig or dances one more jig she'll be decorating the wall with recycled wine. MMario thought it was a Renaissance theme party. He's tickling the boys with that damn feather and goosing the girls with his lute. Bert's totally confused. One hornful of wine and he's passed out under a fig tree rambling on about "the mile high club". Next year, hire a caterer. Now, get back here and get this thing organized! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: Morticia Date: 21 Mar 01 - 02:37 PM Come fillup your glasses, and let us be merry For the moon it is shining all over the hill As we roam through the valley Where the lilies and the roses And the beauty of Kashmir lays down his sweet head Come on lads, hit that top note with me and hang on to your toga's. Enter nymph with attitude and boots on,scratching disconsolately at her laurel wreath and swigging intermittently at a large amphora of best bitter.She belches in a melancholic fashion and can be heard muttering...." Paradise be buggered.Bucolic scenes of pastoral innocence and revels my left sandal!I wanna go to a night club, I wanna go and vomit on a taxi driver...I was promised, I was....next Macdonalds would be mine!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: SINSULL Date: 21 Mar 01 - 11:43 AM Don't worry Matt. You are soon to be the center of attention. Bacchus is looking for a virgin to sacrifice and so far, you are it! The position includes a laurel wreath crown, clean white toga, and all the wine or grape juice you can handle. The sacrificial lamb murdered the shepherd assigned to bring him to the party (see Song Challenge) so we're improvising. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: MMario Date: 21 Mar 01 - 11:41 AM But underneath that rough outer surface we all know the maple sprite is sweet...
HEY! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: GUEST,Matt_R Date: 21 Mar 01 - 11:21 AM And all I got was this lousy shirt! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: Allan C. Date: 21 Mar 01 - 11:15 AM And Mick, he broke locks And Mick, he broke bolts And Mick, he broke all that he came nigh, To rescue our fair Alison, And gratefully she spread ...er...thanked him. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: Jeri Date: 21 Mar 01 - 09:23 AM There's a hidden world just waiting. Where snowdrop and crocus grow - In a crystal faerie kingdom, Under several (&#%*ing) feet of snow... Tree sprite here. Unfortunately, most of us are still napping. I'm a maple sprite, so I'm sort of awake, but pretty tapped out at the moment. Feeling kind of sappy, if you know what I mean... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler Date: 21 Mar 01 - 08:59 AM EATING the Centaurs? When they invited me for dinner no one said I was on the menu! If I have four feet does that mean I put them "in it" more often? RtSkiffling Centaur (with only foot in mouth) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: SINSULL Date: 21 Mar 01 - 08:52 AM Cloven hooves??? Do Centaurs and Satyrs have cloven hooves? Hate to rain on your parade guys but no eating the centaurs or satyrs without a health certificate. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: Noreen Date: 21 Mar 01 - 07:53 AM ...a glimmering girl with apple blossom in her hair who called me by my name and ran and vanished in the brightening a... Though I am old with wandering through hollow lands and hilly lands I will find out where she has gone and see her lips and take her hand... Trainee nymph wanders off humming, accompanied by strange rustling and rattling sounds from yonder olive grove… |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: alison Date: 21 Mar 01 - 06:53 AM awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww........... my hero!!!!!!!!!........ now about that being VERY grateful................ hahaha ........ grab a few amphorae and lets sneak off into that olive grove........ nobody will miss us for a few hours.....
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: Peg Date: 21 Mar 01 - 01:50 AM In mud-dappled skirts I come, My ankles perfumed with rising sap My hair henna'ed with the juice of maple buds Around my hips a sash of pussy-willow, braided with daffodils and storm-drenched moss... Across my shoulders a shawl of wisteria In my hands, a wineskin full to bursting In my ears, a forest melody tinged with feverish dreaming, In my feet, unlearned and unforgotten dances, And in my eyes, a misty fragment of landscape, mountains of madness and merriment, the path before me, winding upwards, a fresh cloven track, the smell of musk and hyacinth sharp upon the air...
Aw, heck, how's about some lilac nectar? Peg |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: Big Mick Date: 21 Mar 01 - 12:34 AM The door flies open and the biggest damn Mick you have ever seen.......dressed rather oddly in a thong with Greek symbols running down the ........... you get the idea.......comes running out.........quick as a flash he pulls this giant spud out of his back pocket..........you get the idea..........and hurls it mightily at the ogre cathing it between the eyes........the creature faints dead away either from the concussion or the smell, testing will determine which........ There you go, FAIR ONE, let me get you out of those chains...........wait, let me think this through..........Never have gone for the whips and chains thing but this is .............. Never mind, Mick breaks the chains, but saves them for later......LOL. Come on, good lookin', let's go try some of that wine. Do you think they still have the vile black stuff, though..........you know just in case???? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: Matt_R Date: 20 Mar 01 - 11:52 PM Persephone? More like Andromeda!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: Amos Date: 20 Mar 01 - 11:46 PM Persephone!!! Retzina!! Tune up your Bazouki!! Strum!! Dance!! Glink!! Now, Fair One, we'll have you out in a jiff...but don't cry!! We'll give you a Pasiphåe! I always did say good native dance music beat rolling rocks -- A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: Lonesome EJ Date: 20 Mar 01 - 10:58 PM Hey where are those bolt-cutters! We've got a nymph-in-distress! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: alison Date: 20 Mar 01 - 10:52 PM Hey boys..... over here..... outside in the beer garden...... some jerk chained me to this big rock.... and there's a nasty looking monster over there seems to think I'm lunch..... HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! rescue me and I'll be VERY grateful *grin* slainte alison
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: Lonesome EJ Date: 20 Mar 01 - 10:38 PM Bacchus/LEJ bounces to his feet, his laurel crown covering one eye, swinging his donkey by the forelegs
When the flowers bloom on Mount Parnassus Falls down |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: hesperis Date: 20 Mar 01 - 10:34 PM Ninety nine amphorae of wine on the wall Ninety nine amphorae of wine Take a swig, dance a jig and it's ninety eight amphorae of wine on the wall! Must be small amphorae... Well, I am some kind of forest creature, that's for sure. I have my own pan-pipes, though, as you might see if you get the calendar! (End shameless mudcat calendar plug.)
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: AllisonA(Animaterra) Date: 20 Mar 01 - 10:08 PM Uh, *puff* Sinss- erm- thanks for the offer, but this is a little *oof* tight- *Whew!* But it'll do! Now, where's the nectar and ambrosia? And isn't anyone going to sing? We'll pipe and we'll sing love, We'll dance in a ring, love, As each lad takes his lass All on the green grass.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: SINSULL Date: 20 Mar 01 - 08:52 PM Bert, Did you figure out that she was coming on to you when she offered to rub it until it was warm? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: gnu Date: 20 Mar 01 - 05:53 PM Did anything pop ? Did she get it off ? Did it come out ? Details, details ! gnu |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: Bert Date: 20 Mar 01 - 05:42 PM Hey SINSMELUV, did I tell you about my encounter with red wine and Club Soda? I was on this British Airways flight, all dressup for the vacation in this new pair of off white pants. The flight attendant brought 'round the wine (It was complimentary in those days - GAWD all you get now is peanuts) and managed to spill it in my lap. Of course she was horrified. A nearby passenger said tha Club Soda would get rid of it. The flight attendant was delighted - she said AH! we've got club soda, and rushed off. She came back with a can, popped the top and poured it all over the stain, which as you remember was in my lap. Trouble is - it was straight out of the ice chest. Bert. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: Matt_R Date: 20 Mar 01 - 05:35 PM I'm gonna go be a satyr with Spaw & Mick (hey, I DID run against Big Mick as Secretary of the Sacred Fertility Rite, but losr). BTW you know what they call us satyrs? Cuz we're the only one who can satyr. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: Kim C Date: 20 Mar 01 - 05:26 PM and what about this boatload of feta cheese and kalamata olives? (pass the Jamesons again, please) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: Morticia Date: 20 Mar 01 - 05:20 PM Ok, I've got a delivery here for 15 sets of pan pipes, two barrels of bisodol, extra jello and a copy of THE LAW AND YOU, someone want to tell me where to put them? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: SINSULL Date: 20 Mar 01 - 04:35 PM cAREFUL, aNIMATERRA! tHE CENTAURS ARE CHEWING THE DAFFY DOWN DILLIES OFF YOUR -uh tOO LATE. mY SPARE IS A LITTLE MESSY BUT YOUR WELCOME TO IT. Funny how we always end up running out of clothes every year... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: AllisonA(Animaterra) Date: 20 Mar 01 - 04:22 PM Tra la la la laaaaaaaaaa, la la la la , hee hee hee *hic* tra la......... Here I am, a nymph of luvverly springtime, all dressed in my daffy-down-dillies, ready to join in with wild, uh, ambanfdfgg, er, abumdom, abannndonnn, hee hee hee........... Whatchall drinkin'? Could you just hold my goblet steady and pour me some? I reeeeeeeeeeeeally need this fantasy right now, with the snowstorm in the weather forecast and trouble on my mind. Thanks, Leej!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: Amergin Date: 20 Mar 01 - 04:05 PM Well, Sins, it could be worse...it could be Cletus' drool... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: SINSULL Date: 20 Mar 01 - 04:03 PM OUCH! That's hot. EJ - I am here 5 minutes and I'm covered with grease! Don't even think about it Spaw - I'll rinse it out myself, Thank You. No. Club soda will take it out, not red wine. Great, now I'm covered with grease, red wine, and drool. Excuse me - time for a wardrobe change. BRB. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: GUEST,GUEST Chester Date: 20 Mar 01 - 03:57 PM Eye'll hev a hicory daquiri, Doc. Thanx. Oh, nebber count de bubbles Everbuddy sing: Ring, ring de banjar |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: Lonesome EJ Date: 20 Mar 01 - 03:54 PM Well, ok, Mario. It might be a camel, I'm really not sure. Some sheep have humps, right? The handle on this basting brush is too short. Let me load up this turkey-baster and see if I can hit it from here.....OOPS! Sorry there, Sinsull. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: MMario Date: 20 Mar 01 - 03:40 PM EJ - helps to apply the baste with a brush - and don't stand in the fire while you do it! *sniff* rosemary in there too, eh? But why did you leave the little tag around it's neck? what's it say? "Property of Marsa Matrouh District Municipal Police, Sidi Barrani, Egypt" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: Noreen Date: 20 Mar 01 - 03:38 PM I thought I saw Dick over by the bay tree? Well, he was sitting by the dock or the bay... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: SINSULL Date: 20 Mar 01 - 03:34 PM Nectar. Ambrosia comes later with dessert. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: Hollowfox Date: 20 Mar 01 - 03:30 PM RtS, this is the wrong time of year to have your wine in pill form, peeled or not. Can you teach me how to stack amphorae? Oh, the empty ones..it pays to be tidy during Spring Cleaning. I'll help; it's just part of exercising our rites. Why yes, thanks, I'll have another thimbleful of...yes, whatever it's called. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: SINSULL Date: 20 Mar 01 - 03:29 PM TOGA! TOGA! TOGA! ooops. sorry. too soon... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring From: Lonesome EJ Date: 20 Mar 01 - 03:17 PM We're open for volunteers on that one, Amergin. I think we can count on Alison, though. Allan? Peel you a grape? Sorry, never touch the stuff in solid form. I will have another brimming goblet of that Greek brandy. And one for my donkey, too! Help me get this side of mutton on the spit, mMario. Man, that fire is hot. Makes it tough to apply this olive oil and garlic baste. |