Subject: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: Rick Fielding Date: 24 Mar 01 - 02:45 PM If you're here, you probably know these names....if not, escape while you still can! A couple of years ago I started a thread about "late nite info-mercials" (they're better for general input than "Riley Puckett's fingerpick" ones). Since there are a lot of new catters around, I'm curious if there are others who are as fascinated by these examples of secular evangelism as I am. Has anyone ever BOUGHT something from these TV spots?...anything..A Roy Clark Guitar, a can of spray-hair, a thigh-master, a no-money down Real Estate course, A Tony Robbins personal power course? How 'bout the little hyper Japanese guy who administers electric shocks to leggy models (and calls it "massage"), or remember "The Flowbee",(cut your hair with a vacuum cleaner...or was it a lawnmower?), how about "Make your own CHOCOLATE flavoured pasta" (if you think I'm kidding, someone back me up here), and remember "Cubic Zirconiams"? My current favourite is the Guitar teacher with the dyed jet black hair, who promises you can "play the guitar in 5 minutes". The beautiful young shill sitting beside him cannot believe her ears when assorted dorks come out of the audience and INSTANTLY learn a "walking bass"....yeah, wait'll they tackle their first "F" chord...they'll find out how quickly five minutes passes! His main secret is to have so much reverb on his Carvin Electric, that King Kong would sound good first time out. I'll bet if your first guitar is an out of tune Roy Clark model, your first five minutes ain't gonna be that smooth. I HAVE fallen prey in the past though. Bought one of those hand blenders that will mash potatoes in a plastic bag, and make A DELICIOUS LOW CAL DESSERT in a plastic cup, from whipped water. It's problem was that it ran too fast to mix anything in a normal size bowl. I also succumbed to a George Forman ("knock out the fat") grill. It actually works.....and I'm told that Popeil's chicken roaster is actually pretty good as well. My first purchase years ago was "Popeil's Pocket Fisherman". Loved it....just never used it. Anytime I'd pass a little stream, I'd think "Why didn't I keep the damn thing in the glove compartment, like the add says"? Rick (susceptable, but not too gullible) |
Subject: RE: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: catspaw49 Date: 24 Mar 01 - 03:09 PM Ya' know, its funny Rick.....I keep thinking of starting a thread on the Roy Clark Guitar. I have a few questions before I place my order: 1) How long did it take to set the thing up to play at least as well as it does in the commercial? 2) I notice that when Roy plays "his big hit" that the first two chords have no little sticky marker gizmos. Are they supplied but just not on that guitar? 3) What are "Deluxe" strings? Are they the ones where the barbed wire is polished? 4) What the hell is a "Genuine Hardwood Finish?" Does it turn poplar and balsa into rosewood or something? 5) Where can I see Roy in concert with this fine instrument? 6) Is the "Deluxe Carrying Bag" from Reunion Blues? What a deal this guitar is too! Only a tiny markup of 8000% above its actual value! Have you ordered yours yet? Lemmee know how it works out for you. Spaw
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Subject: RE: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: Justa Picker Date: 24 Mar 01 - 03:43 PM I thought the "Roy Clark" guitar ad was the most shameless piece of musician prostitution I'd ever seen. I lost a lot of respect for him after seeing him pitch this instrument. I couldn't believe he was that hard up for money, that he would endorse something along these lines. Yes he remains a helluva player, but surely his finances were not in such a state of disarray that he would pitch and con people into buying these "boat paddles". What's next? Marty Stuart endoring plastic dobros? Ricky Skaggs endorsing Born Again guitar picks? |
Subject: RE: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: Big Mick Date: 24 Mar 01 - 03:54 PM Funny that this should come up. I was just in the local Meijers (for those that don't know 'em, you got to see 'em to believe 'em -- open 24 hours for everything from groceries to car parts to building supplies -- ask little Neo) and they had these guitars for sale. It caused me to remember my first guitar when I was 13 from Arlan's Dept. Store. The action was so high and the strings so thick that it was all but impossible to play. The only reason I continued to play was because when I went to my lessons I got to play Joe Dellonais' (Not even close to the correct spelling -- sounds like Dell oh nays)Country Gentleman. I remember how easy it fingered and I dearly loved that guitar. At any rate, my first $20.00 Arlan's guitar discouraged me so badly that I quit playing until I was 16 and I bought an Epiphone FT79. Now I tell parents that a poorly set up guitar is not a gift. Pay a little more, get one properly set up, and if the kid loses interest you can sell it. The net cost will probably be less than the cheap one. All the best, Mick |
Subject: RE: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: Big Mick Date: 24 Mar 01 - 03:57 PM Oh yeah, and I am taken by some of these ads. I actually own the vacuum sealing machine and love it. This thing really does do as it promises. I love keeping fish and vegetables and such stuff in it. I am also intrigued by the storage system that uses the vacuum to suck the air out. When one lives on a lake, mildew is always a problem, and these seem like the ticket. And like my buddy Rick, I have also heard that the rotisserie grill works very well. Other than that, I never fall for this shite.............LOL. All the best, Mick |
Subject: RE: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: Banjer Date: 24 Mar 01 - 04:01 PM Can any of you ever forget the, what was it, a combination AM/FM Radio and lettuce washer or something? How about the good old Vegomatic? 'It slices, it dices...It makes comedians like Gallagher rich...' Some of the commercials are more entertaining than the shows they sponsor... |
Subject: RE: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: Jeri Date: 24 Mar 01 - 04:09 PM Mick, back when I was still in the Air Force, my boss had a neat trick for packing. Stick your stuff in a heavy plastic garbage bag and shove a vacuum cleaner hose in it to suck the air out, then tape the neck of the bag. Works great - I have a bunch of fluffy blankets stuffed in my closet using that method. I've never bought anything from a TV ad, but I'm intrigued by that Oxy-9 (or some other number) stuff. You dump it in a load of wash, and all the stains disappear along with any bottles of dye you happened to drop in the water. It seems it's similar to that "Didi-7" stuff that was also advertized on TV. (Didi being Vietnamese for something akin to "bugger off.") Anybody ever buy Oxy-9 or Oxy-10 0r whatever it's called? Oh yeah - "Nads"... |
Subject: RE: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: R! Date: 24 Mar 01 - 04:19 PM Didi-7 DOES work. I ordered a couple of tubes of it through a coupon in the magazine supplement of the Sunday newspaper, thought, rather than from a TV ad. The downside of Didi-7? It smells like the petrochemical byproducts it's made from. |
Subject: RE: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: Bedubya Date: 24 Mar 01 - 05:27 PM I live way out in the boonies - too far away for television reception or cable and I'm damned if I'll have one of those dish things. I own a television which gets used once or twice a week to watch a movie on video. In other words, I am a total television illiterate. However, I do occasionally come across advertisements in print media that tout an item "AS SEEN ON TV". Usually, the items advertised make me want to laugh my ass off. Not too long ago I came across an ad for some kind of spray-on fake hair with the usual "AS SEEN ON TV" blurb. I thought it was the funniest thing I had ever heard of, but when I showed it to my coworkers they absolutely failed to see anything funny about it! The fact that they had seen it on TV had given it total legitimacy in their minds even though the whole idea was ridiculous. I once bought some bagged cow manure for the garden and the sales clerk quipped, "Somewhere, there's a cow laughing his ass off". I wonder if the folks who sell these products on TV are related to those cows. As Mr. Prine so eloquently said, "Blow up your TV". You'll have more time to play guitar. Cheers bwl |
Subject: RE: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: SINSULL Date: 24 Mar 01 - 06:26 PM How about Ginzu knives? And if you order right now you also get...Be one of the first 100 people to order and you get, in addition the also get, an additional...Now they sell on Ebay for 60 cents apiece. My nephew bought a George Forman grill and a rice maker. They and the boxes they came in are cluttering up the kitchen in pristine, new condition. My mother bought 500 "glow in the dark" Christmas ornaments in the 50s. They popped out of a sheet of plastic and you had to glue foil on them. Now don't tell me no one here has fallen for the Abdominizer? I save myself for large purchases - Nordic Trak for instance. At least I know it will substitute as a clothes dryer on a rainy day. |
Subject: RE: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: catspaw49 Date: 24 Mar 01 - 10:18 PM I've often thought there was something genetic at work in being susceptible to TV ads, but now I am sure of it. A couple of years back, Rick Fieelding, an obvious sucker, sent his three half brothers, all named Reg, down here and of course they immediately hit it off with Paw, Cletus, and Buford. I suppose I should have figuured they were "Ad-Addicts" because each of them had there own Pocket Fisherman inscribed with their name, or so they said. Upon closer inspection I found the "Reg" they were referring to was the "reg." in the patent info but they were happy and there was no convincing them otherwise. Cletus too is one of those folks who becomes entranced by all types of electronic pictures and once spent several weeks in the James Taylor Rehab Wing For Catatonic Blandnessat the Neil Young Center for the Terminally Screwed to cure his catatonic condition brought on by staring at Hamsterdance on my computer for three straight days. Paw has been taken to the proverbial cleaners many times in his life starting with playing punchcards and once losing $82.00 and a new union suit to a card tosser playing Three Card Monty. It made quite an impression on him as he was wearing the union suit at the time and had to hitchhike the 600 miles home from New York City wearing only his bibs........in February. It was a numbing experience and he is pretty skeptical about anything being pitched his way. Today though, he was hooked into a scheme to cure his piles which Cletus and the Reg boys had figured out. Buford had purchased an "Ab-Roller" from the TV ad in an effort to lose some of the spare tire he was carrying owing to the case and a half of Iron City he downs every day. He'd already tried the "Hollywood Miracle Diet" and I suppose it did clean the toxins from his system as advertized, at least to some degree. When it arrived he drank down the entire bottle straight without mixing. His first fart, about 45 minutes later, blew out the seat of his pants and he spent the next two days sleeping in the outhouse. The "Ab-Roller" seemed a lot safer and for Paw, Cletus, and the Reg boys it was certainly far better smelling. Buford could fuck up a wet dream though and sure enough when the things came (he ordered two just for the discount), he tries one out right on the spot. The spot in question being down by his mailbox where the road goes downhill and the gizmo took off dragging Buford along behind. If he had let go he wouldn't have run off into the big patch of poison sumac by the Chessie tracks. Buford was really a mess btween the road burns and breaking out real bad from the sumac so Cletus offered to let him stay at his place with the Reg boys til he was better and Cletus could take care of him. While Cletus and the Reg boys were out, Buford got to looking around for some lotion and ran across the "Nads" kit that Cletus had ordered. Sadly, Buford had never heard of Nads before and thought it was something to make your genitals feel better and his were burning up from the sumac so he poured some on and applied the pad as directed. I guess the stuff is made for legs and backs and other parts of the body where the skin is tougher because when Buford pulled off the patch it brought not only hair, but three layers of skin off his balls. When the others returned they found Buford as a mass of quivering pulp on the floor and that this latest insanity would force him into a hospital stay for skin grafts on his nuts. It was about this time that Paw's 'roids flared up on him. Ever since the "Night of the Farted Falwell" when one of Paw's flamers had scorched the image of Jerry Falwell on my garage wall, he had been having trouble. Some say that it's a divine retribution or a curse from Falwell, but it seems to me that after 50 years of lighting farts, his asshole has just blown out. The Reg boys had just ordered some magnetic bracelets for Buford to help in his healing, but since he was in the hospital they thought Paw could use them to cure his wasted bunghole. They figured that between them they had 27 of these bracelets, including Buford's, in various sizes and if they could affix them somehow to Paw's butt, a cure was inevitable. As always, the answer was duct tape. Cletus held Paw down while Reg stacked the bracelets in stacks of nine, handed them to Reg who arranged them in interlocking stacks on Paw's ass, while Reg taped the whole thing on. When they let Paw up, Cletus said he was not as mad as he thought he'd be and the magnets only made a small bump in his bibs. I think though, based on what happened next, that the interlocking magnets may have produced too strong a field because as they walked down the road past the Rafferty house, a hubcap off of ol' man Rafferty's Buick flew off and slammed into Paw's ass. Rafferty was boiling peanuts in front of his stoop and came running over, madder than hell. After great tugging and throwing Paw all over the place, the hubcap was still stuck. Finally Paw held onto Rafferty's mailbox and the others managed to get the damn thing off but they pulled the mailbox out in the process. Ol' man Rafferty went to get his shotgun and the rest of them made tracks, not stopping til they reached the intersection at Rt.40. Here's where things went really bad. A Peterbilt with California registration roared past and before anyone could make a move, Paw was snatched up and was last seen hanging by his ass from an exhaust stack. Cletus and the Reg boys figured they could snatch him back with the Popeil's Pocket Fisherman if they could catch up so they hopped in Buford's pickup which he wasn't using and headed out, stopping at my place briefly to drop off Cletus' pet cockroach, Hernando, for me to care for until they returned, hopefully with Paw. My neighbor said he past them heading out of town, the Reg boys in the bed of the truck, Popeil equipped. If you live west of here, I'd appreciate it if you'd keep an eye out for them. And do me a favor if you see Paw. Take those magnetic bracelets off his ass. By the way, does anybody know if these things that turn your home's electrical system into a sonic pest repellant will kill cockroaches? Hernando? HERNANDO?? HERNANDO??? HERNANDO????............Hmmmm............Do they lay upside down like this a lot? Spaw
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Subject: RE: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: Sorcha Date: 24 Mar 01 - 10:34 PM ROFLMAO!!!Oh Spaw, that's a classic!! |
Subject: RE: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: catspaw49 Date: 25 Mar 01 - 08:09 PM I was just watching the ad for the "Hairagami" gilwhickie and with summer coming and the length of my ponytail, it looks like a hummer investment. You can make all kinds of designs and I can't decide whether I should go with the one that looks like a dollar sign or the one that looks like a cow took a dump on the back of your head...............and plus, you get a FREE "Scruncher" thingamabob too!!! Spaw |
Subject: RE: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: Rick Fielding Date: 25 Mar 01 - 10:05 PM Vegematics!!! I've owned two of them. I've often told folks that one of the careers I wished I'd had (not forever...say 4-5 years) was Vegematic salesman at a carnival. They think I'm joking. I'm not. Now I have to yell you..Although it's not a "Ginsu", the best knife I've had for years is one of those serrated blade things. Heather came into this marriage with a complete set of German Heinkel knives (didn't they build Stukas?) that a previous boyfriend caught as they fell off a truck. The cheap "Ginsu copy" cuts better. The HAIRIGAMI! Thanks Spaw, that's the one I was trying to tell Heather about...let us know how it works. One of my friends has a secret life. We were visiting a mall, and to our surprise there he was, demonstrating that "Oxy-stuff" Jeri. Naturally we were too embarrased NOT to buy some. It sort of works..just more expensive than the store stuff. You know what would make a good thread? "Does anyone sell (or know someone who sells) Mary Kay, or any of those other Pyramid scheme things"? Probably not, now that I think of it..I imagine some cats have been scammed or are into scams (but don't think they are) and the forum's pretty friendly these days. You can find a lot of Tony Robbins, and those diabolical Real-Estate, and get rich courses in pawn shops going for virtually nothing. Hmmmmmm, lots of "As seen on TV" Excercise machines as well. I discovered a GREAT store here in Toronto selling ONLY "as seen on TV" products, and it's fascinating to open ALL the boxes and see what they REALLY look like. Biggest surprise? The little "Shocker" thing that cures Arthritis. Trying to think who shilled for it on the tube....ahhh EVIL KNEVEL! It hurts.(and I didn't feel any better) Rick |
Subject: RE: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: GUEST,mgarvey@pacifier.com Date: 25 Mar 01 - 11:00 PM I have a George Foreman grill. They are fantastic. My only problem is that after a couple of years the finish is wearing off. Time for a new one. if anyone has an unused one hey want to sell at distress prices, let me know. |
Subject: RE: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: Rick Fielding Date: 25 Mar 01 - 11:02 PM Mary, do you know that they've got a new and much improved model? Bigger, got a thermostat, and a ledge so the stuff doesn't fall off. Rick |
Subject: RE: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: mkebenn Date: 26 Mar 01 - 07:10 AM I always promised myself I'd NEVER buy a product introduced to me in an infomecial(I dispise them). Then our son got us a foreman grill for Christmas. Still never used it untill some guys got one at work and I used it there. It does work great, but be carefull cleaning, if you damage the finish, they're a nightmare to clean.Oh, and Rick, try sharping the Heinkles, my chef's knife is so sharp it'll cut you if you look at it too long! Mike |
Subject: RE: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: mkebenn Date: 26 Mar 01 - 07:14 AM ER, make that Henckels, I used the Canadian spelling. Mike |
Subject: RE: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: Rick Fielding Date: 26 Mar 01 - 12:54 PM Mike is absolutely right. I've been lazy about keeping the Hen..Hein...Hinkleys..Henkles...them German knives sharp! But Come on folks. SOMEONE 'fess up that they've used "Spray-on Hair!" Ron Popeil uses it. Oh, and I DID buy a "Miracle Shammy" from the "As seen on TV" store. It was marked down to a buck though. Rick |
Subject: RE: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: catspaw49 Date: 26 Mar 01 - 01:00 PM Well Rick, Cletus did buy some of the "Paint Your Bald Spot" stuff.............Haven't told that one yet have I? Spaw |
Subject: RE: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: Mountain Dog Date: 26 Mar 01 - 02:40 PM One of the miracles of our consumer society is that there is nothing so low, cheap and tawdry that it can't be further worsened by cheesy imitation. As Rick and others have alluded to, there is a booming business in the creation and marketing of knock-offs of knock-offs. I've recently noticed on store shelves (in the rarefied, upscale boutiques I frequent) that some of the grottier examples of gimcrackery, obviously striving for that legitimacy and panache instantly bestowed by having been seen on TV, have adopted a truly ingenious ploy: Upon close examination of the iconic red-and-white "as seen on TV" logo that appears on the flimsy pasteboard box, the stunning realization comes that what it actually says is "similar to items Seen on TV"!! Caveat emptor, indeed! For myself, it's a matter of principle that when I go to purchase a cheesy imitation of a quality product that I make certain I'm squandering my money on a genuine imitation, and not some sleazy fake imitation. One does have one's diginity to consider, after all... |
Subject: RE: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: Banjer Date: 26 Mar 01 - 08:33 PM 'Spaw I bet if Cletus ever used any of that "Paint Your Bald Spot" stuff it was after one of the local chili cookoffs, and it weren't his head that he was sprayin'!! |
Subject: RE: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: Steve Latimer Date: 27 Mar 01 - 12:55 AM Yeah, how about those K-tel albums. Who else bought them in the late sixties & early seventies? |
Subject: RE: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: JenEllen Date: 27 Mar 01 - 03:05 PM Ack...what about the PAMPERED CHEF???? More shite to clutter up the kitchen while you eat out at MickeyD's??
I was unfortunately dragged to one of these parties (imagine a kind of upscale tupperware soiree) where my hostess bludgeoned me about the head for not ordering a STONE pie plate. I do have a friend that swears by his Foreman grill though...
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Subject: RE: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: Kim C Date: 28 Mar 01 - 11:36 AM I have a Hairigami! It takes practice to use it but it's really cool. And Spaw, my hair does not EVER look like a cow dump! ;-) What it is, is those plastic "slap" bracelets the kids like to play with. You have to be careful while you twist your hair up or the damn thing will "slap" shut before you're ready. I saw it on TV and bought it online but now I see that they're available at my local Target store. I also have a Topsy Tail and I dig it too. I have also ordered a Scratch B Gone that's supposed to get scratches out of your eyeglass lenses. I scratched my fave sunglasses and wanted to save them. The Scratch B Gone hasn't come yet - I'll let you know how it works out. My mom and my brother both LOVE their George Foreman grills. |
Subject: RE: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: Rick Fielding Date: 28 Mar 01 - 11:46 AM Has anyone seen the "Spawfone" answering machine? It's wonderful. You hook it up to your telephone and it "senses" the worthfulness of your caller, as soon as it here's the voice. If it's the Library calling about overdue books (a common occurence in this household), the "Spawfone" tells them to "get a friggin' life, and go back to the NYHTS". If it's a neighbourhood child calling for music lessons, the "Spawfone" sells it a stick dulcimer, and you never hear from the kid again. Just three easy payments of 29.95. Actually I rather miss the buzz cut lady loudmouth who kept screaming "Stop the Insanity". Always figured she and Richard Simmons would be the two most irritating neighbours you could ever have. Rick |
Subject: RE: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: Big Mick Date: 28 Mar 01 - 12:00 PM Thanks Rick, I can always count on you to help when I have a problem. I have been trying to call 'Spaw since 1947 just to tell him that I love him and the rent is due. But I always call from the payphone at the library, or at the neighborhood kids house. I just want to let him know he can stop billing me for all those 29.95 payments and come pick up these friggin' stick thingies.................... Mick |
Subject: RE: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: catspaw49 Date: 28 Mar 01 - 12:00 PM LMAO.....Yeah, I hope to do an infomercial on it real soon!!! My mother-in-law, y'all remember Clarence, is currently staying with Karen's sister.....has a nice little apartment she uses between jobs....She does doola (dula?) work...takes care of newborns and Moms....whatever. In any case, instead of using Karolyn's kitchen much, she makes do with a microwave and her George grill. We have one and have been getting ideas from her at times on new things to try. She loves doing fish and shicken and we have had good luck with them too, especially blackened "whatever-it-is" meat. Clarence ought to write a cookbook for the thing. Spaw |
Subject: RE: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: Kim C Date: 28 Mar 01 - 01:10 PM Shicken? |
Subject: RE: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: tiggerdooley Date: 28 Mar 01 - 03:52 PM Remember 'Miracle Thaw'? Put a block of ice on it, put it in the freezer, and THE ICE STILL MELTS!!! 'Astonish', the all purpose cleaner? 'Be-Dazzler'? "Put rhinestones all over your clothes in seconds!" Mike, the guy from 'Amazing Discoveries' who never failed to look, well, amazed! (Dumbass.) The weird English bloke who turned up in a Hackney cab, wearing a bowler hat and a Union Jack waistcoat, who told us to paint with the 'tips of the bristles' only, and made Mike stand still while he shook the painting wonderpad without getting any on his glasses or his 'extrovert' knitted sweater.... God, I really didn't get out much in those days!!! |
Subject: RE: I'm a slave to Geo. Foreman,& Ron Popeil From: catspaw49 Date: 28 Mar 01 - 09:25 PM Yeah Fiddlebum....Ain't you never heard of shickens? You know, those scrawny, free range, road kill lookin' things......in other words, real shitty chicken, hence the name....Shicken. Spaw |
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