BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: Ella who is Sooze
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 06:19 AM

would that be similar to Cenaurfugal force Micca... May the centaurfugal force be with you...

Bubble bath anyone?.... fountains are bubbling up nicely now...

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: Ella who is Sooze
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 06:20 AM

damn my dyslexia

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: JudeL
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 06:28 AM

micca you sound like you're going round in circles - what did you have in that hip-flask
Jude

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 08:36 AM

Funny. I always thought of Micca as being a little to the left of Centaur.

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 08:42 AM

I hope all these dreadful puns don't Bacchus into a corner we can't get out of!
RtS

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: GUEST,Zeus
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 08:44 AM

Fair one, you are real brave as long as you are on the other side of the earth! You know that thunderbolts dont follow the curve..Now, if you follow my logic, I am much older than you, so, I should have more knowledge than you..yes? Seriously...whip my ass, eh? what other kinky things are you into?

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: alison
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 08:54 AM

well Zeus... so far in this thread we've had bondage, juice licking, scrabble and whupping....... what more do you want?????? lol

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: Noreen
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 09:05 AM

Enter trainee nymph (still!)...singing...

Nymphs and shepherds, come away.
In the groves let's sport and play,
For this is Flora's holiday,
Sacred to ease and happy love,
To dancing, to music and to poetry;
Your flocks may now securely rove
Whilst you express your jollity.
Nymphs and shepherds, come away.

Well, express that jollity!

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: catspaw49
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 10:59 AM

Sorry Noreen, but my Jollity is attached and not available for shipping, express or otherwise. Not only that, its completely limp after reading all of these puns. Time to meditate or medicate and find my centaur so I can get things straight again.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: Ella who is Sooze
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 11:02 AM

ohhhhh spaw..... doh!

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: GUEST,Zeus
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 11:20 AM

one of you knows who I really am, would someone else care to guess? Some of you claim you can tell by the way a person writes who they are if they are posting under "Guest" The one who knows is disqualified in this.

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: alison
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 11:26 AM

you're Zeus?????

so where's my prize?

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: GUEST,Zeus
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 11:33 AM

Right here sweetie!

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: alison
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 11:41 AM

lol........

oh great.. chocolate... my favourite...... and such a big bar.........

lol

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: Morticia
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 01:41 PM

Roger, I fear you are getting a little egocentauric....I should tone it down or Zeus will bust you down to cart horse status with no hay priveleges....and that's on a good day.

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: GUEST,Zeus
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 02:00 PM

Yeah, and with nuts too!

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 02:42 PM

Cool it, Zeus! Hera is on her way and she's still pissed (US version) over losing that stupid beauty contest.

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: Jeri
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 03:09 PM

I thought I knew who you were the first time you posted, Zeus. I believe I once detected you in another guise, and it wasn't as a swan - ayuh? And these puns are horrid...good, though!

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 04:15 PM

How come she gets a big bar of chocolate with nuts and I get my butt singed? I am getting even with all of you. I invited Old Man Homer to come and bore you to death with one of his interminably loooong tales.

"Come hear the tale of the great Antony who ruled the world and the heart of the lovely Cleopatra while sojourning in faraway Egypt, Land of the Pyramids and Sphinx and Pharoughs uh pharoahs, uh foreign dignitaries.
One day a messenger came to Great Antony with news of a terrible plague afflicting the farm country of the lower valley, Land of the Crocodile. The local magistrate, Ankonhead, demanded that Great Antony come at once to survey the damage and offer his, wise, sage,informative,capable counsel to the blighted land and people. Great Antony travelled day and night, night and day stopping only to eat and rest his camel. For three nights and days he travelled until he came to the lower valley and saw the devastation for himself. Acid rain and faulty fertilizer had brought a great curse upon the land. Vines that used to produce a hundred tons of grapes for the women of the lower valley to trample into wine when the emir's back was turned for he forbade the drinking of wine. For that matter he forbade barefoot women in public. But...lost my train of thought...Oh yes, vines that once produced a hundred pounds of rich purple grapes for the making of wine and tromping of feet now were bowed over with the weight of a SINGLE grape. No one man could pick it. No one but Big Mick could tromp it and so the berries rotted on the vine and the vine on the ground and the people wept. Great Antony pondered the problem with his superior Roman ponderer and decided to take a sample of the problem back to Rome forsaking Cleopatra in Egypt, she who got bored, met Caesar, screwed around with him for a while and fell on her asp and died. But that is another story for another time. Great Antony found the biggest berry and the biggest cart. He lined the cart with sheep skins to cradle it against bruises. He added new shocks and brake pads to the cart and sent his army ahead to smooth and pave the road lest the huge grape be damaged and drip its contamination along the way and further spread the dreaded plague. The grape came from a vinyard belonging to Anathea who had just lost her beloved brother to the hangman on a false charge of horsetheft...but that is another story for another time.Anathea was proud that that her vinyard had produced the greatest grape of them all and insisted on accompanying it to Rome. She had her heart set on acting career as well and that just wasn't going to happen in the Lower Valley with the emir and the crocodiles and all. So...where was I?...Oh yes. For twenty days and twenty nights they rolled the cart carefully over hill and dale through desert and swamp past farms and barren fields on their way to Rome. They stopped only to eat and allow the camels to rest. Meanwhile back in the city, word spread of the coming of the huge probably diseased fruit and some abandoned the city in fear. Some locked themselves in their homes hoping to avoid contamination. Others fell into a drunken stupor while still others gave themselves over to orgies and folk festivals seeing that the end was near and there was no hope and all was lost. Meanwhile back at the caravan, Antony approached the city. The gates were locked - at least the one they approached. They went to the next and it too was locked. Said Great Antony "There are twelve gates to the city. Halleleu! Do they expect us to go to each one rolling the cart carrying the great grape while Anathea practices her line - HER ONE LINE over and over???? Anathea had an audition the next day for a Clairol commercial and was practicing tossing her hair and shouting "I love it!" with varied emphases and actions. Anyway, they finally reached an open gate and were met by an angry mob ready to burn the grape and Antony and Anathea and anyone else who got in their way. Great Antony, always the consumate politician, strode to the front of the mob. raised his hands for silence and announced "Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears. I have come to sieze her berry not to praise it!"


I have been waiting since 1969 for an opportunity to tell this story. Thank you Alison. (courtesy of Flip Wilson).

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 05:17 PM

HMMMM - Have I killed the thread? Sorry folks.

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: Jeri
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 05:24 PM

I'm just glad you posted after me! I thought I'd killed it with the Zeus-guessing bit...was expecting a bolt of lightening to come down and zap my computer, but then you posted! Haha! I can't possibly kill the thread since you posted after me!

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: Morticia
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 06:00 PM

Several Hails and a handful of laurels to the great Sinsull....anyone who would work that hard to deliver that punch line deserves great kudos.......or possibly lynching, I haven't decided yet.

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: catspaw49
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 06:07 PM

Lemmee get this right...........You've been waiting since 1969 to tell THAT? Sins my dear, we need to talk...............

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: Matt_R
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 06:19 PM

Did SOMEBODY say "69"?

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 07:22 PM

That's "sEize" her berry. Sorry I was so excited at the prospect of getting the line out after all these years. Yeah Spaw. I really have to get a life. Of course, if Kendall or Amos told it, you'd all think it was brilliant. Guess I just can't tell a joke.

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: GUEST,kendall
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 07:26 PM

It was well told, and worth listening to.

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: GUEST,Zeus
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 07:30 PM

Sinsull, the reason you got your butt singed is, I was enjoying the banter with the Fair one, and you come along and mention my wife!

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 07:43 PM

Well I won't interrupt again! HeRuMPH!

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: kendall
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 07:45 PM

OK, who is this philanderer?

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 08:12 PM

Zeus, Kendall - Shower of gold, "Leda and the swan" Swan - By the way, someone better tell Annamill to keep her swans out of sight. No need to tempt fate.

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: catspaw49
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 08:28 PM

No Sins....I LIKED IT!!! I'm simply amazed at your perseverance. Besides, if Kendall had waited that long, he'd have forgotten it........unless Gordon Bok sang it perhaps.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: alison
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 10:08 PM

good joke Sins.. come over here.. and I'll share my chocolate with you.. it'll make you feel better.......

Zeus I need a few more clues.... 'cos the Zeus I thought I was flirting with isn't you.....lol....... won't stop me though.... lol

Bachhus we need more wine...............

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: Matt_R
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 10:12 PM

It's probably kendall.

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: MMario
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 10:13 PM

More wine? we've gone through three tanker truckloads already! And that doesn't count the other stuff people brought, or the vat from the grape stompin'.

Time to start putting the pine resin in to slow people down, I guess.

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 10:20 PM

Ah Boy, what a day old bacchus has had in the salt mine. Nothing would fix me up like a brimming beaker of freshly stomped wine and a nymph sandwich. Anyone for scrabble ?

Man, is Uncle Zeus still flinging them bolts around? What a frigging attitude...

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: alison
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 10:22 PM

I'd play Bacchus....... but I don't have any good letters left...... I could murder a sandwich though....

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: Noreen
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 10:29 PM

A nymph sandwich sounds interesting... count me in... :0)

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 10:31 PM

OK.. pass the olive oil.

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: Matt_R
Date: 27 Mar 01 - 10:52 PM

Can I have a nymph sandwich with Norrie in it? Mmmmm yummy!

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: GUEST,Roger the Skiffler
Date: 28 Mar 01 - 03:09 AM

...sorry, I was quietly meditating under a tree trying to get in touch with my equine side, or my Centaur half. I don't eat hay, only human food and drink, but the roses and rhubarb are going to do very well this year.
RtS

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: Ella who is Sooze
Date: 28 Mar 01 - 03:58 AM

doh Roger STOP that...

pulls the cork of a flagon of Old Speckled Hen and takes a swig...

E:)

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Mar 01 - 11:19 AM

Matt! No nymph sandwiches for you! We need you in tact for the sacrifice. When IS the sacrifice? Bacchus is off snorkeling in the grape juice. Does he know how late it is?THWAAAAACK!
Zeus is pissed. With all that nagging I must sound like his wife...THWAACK...THWAAAAACK... sizzle Great now the polyester is permanently melted to my form. SIGH I hate these festivals. And to make matters worse Max is forming a Greek chorus with Dion and the Belmonts, Tommy Roe, and the Journeymen. Pure torture.

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Mar 01 - 11:22 AM

(and in the distance is heard) "Kumbaya,my Lord Doowop Doowop.Kumbaya my lord.Doop Weeeooooo.

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: catspaw49
Date: 28 Mar 01 - 11:26 AM

BBBRRRAAAAWWWWMMMMPPPP

.........aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh................

...Sorry.....Just a little "Spring Cleaning" so to speak...........Must be the grapes............

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: GUEST,Matt_R
Date: 28 Mar 01 - 11:28 AM

Well Bacchus sure is taking his sweet time!

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: MMario
Date: 28 Mar 01 - 11:46 AM

Bacchus will wipe no nymph before her time

no - that's not it

Bacchus will tie no nymph before she whines!

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 28 Mar 01 - 12:24 PM

Actually, it's "Bacchus will bite no nymph unless she's fine".

Alright, everyone. Bacchus is a bit hungover, but I feel that I'm competent to conduct this virgin sacrifice anyway. Done it so many times I could do it in my sleep.

OK, everyone. Let's gather round the Holy Giant Amphora of Diana. Where's the Sacrifice? He's what? Well drag him over here and bedeck him in that white robe there.

Alrighty then, let's begin.

"Higgamus hoggamus
Woman's monogamous
Hoggamus higgamus
Man is polygamous...the Spirits are about to speak"
RESPONSE: Are they friendly spirits?
"Friendly? Just listen!"
(Voice of Diana from within the Amphora) Cloak the nymphs in hose and halter
Bring the novice to the altar
Cleanse him with divine immersion
Henceforth be no longer Virgin!

Anyone have anything to say before we christen the lad?

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: kendall
Date: 28 Mar 01 - 12:34 PM

Maybe it's the real Zeus, Matt?

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: MMario
Date: 28 Mar 01 - 12:54 PM

Just in time for him to go to faire with all those wenches around too! Matt - gird (or should it be un-gird) thy loins and make ready!

Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Mar 01 - 04:00 PM

Hold it! Hold it! I thought Mickus Maximus and Tawdrius Spaw had to officiate at this? Kendall - you're supposed to be wearing a toga not a kilt!

And what the hell is this crap????
"Higgamus hoggamus Woman's monogamous Hoggamus higgamus Man is polygamous...the Spirits are about to speak"
You have got to be kidding!