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BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: SINSULL Date: 27 Mar 01 - 07:22 PM That's "sEize" her berry. Sorry I was so excited at the prospect of getting the line out after all these years. Yeah Spaw. I really have to get a life. Of course, if Kendall or Amos told it, you'd all think it was brilliant. Guess I just can't tell a joke. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: Matt_R Date: 27 Mar 01 - 06:19 PM Did SOMEBODY say "69"? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: catspaw49 Date: 27 Mar 01 - 06:07 PM Lemmee get this right...........You've been waiting since 1969 to tell THAT? Sins my dear, we need to talk............... Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: Morticia Date: 27 Mar 01 - 06:00 PM Several Hails and a handful of laurels to the great Sinsull....anyone who would work that hard to deliver that punch line deserves great kudos.......or possibly lynching, I haven't decided yet. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: Jeri Date: 27 Mar 01 - 05:24 PM I'm just glad you posted after me! I thought I'd killed it with the Zeus-guessing bit...was expecting a bolt of lightening to come down and zap my computer, but then you posted! Haha! I can't possibly kill the thread since you posted after me! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: SINSULL Date: 27 Mar 01 - 05:17 PM HMMMM - Have I killed the thread? Sorry folks. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: SINSULL Date: 27 Mar 01 - 04:15 PM How come she gets a big bar of chocolate with nuts and I get my butt singed? I am getting even with all of you. I invited Old Man Homer to come and bore you to death with one of his interminably loooong tales. "Come hear the tale of the great Antony who ruled the world and the heart of the lovely Cleopatra while sojourning in faraway Egypt, Land of the Pyramids and Sphinx and Pharoughs uh pharoahs, uh foreign dignitaries. One day a messenger came to Great Antony with news of a terrible plague afflicting the farm country of the lower valley, Land of the Crocodile. The local magistrate, Ankonhead, demanded that Great Antony come at once to survey the damage and offer his, wise, sage,informative,capable counsel to the blighted land and people. Great Antony travelled day and night, night and day stopping only to eat and rest his camel. For three nights and days he travelled until he came to the lower valley and saw the devastation for himself. Acid rain and faulty fertilizer had brought a great curse upon the land. Vines that used to produce a hundred tons of grapes for the women of the lower valley to trample into wine when the emir's back was turned for he forbade the drinking of wine. For that matter he forbade barefoot women in public. But...lost my train of thought...Oh yes, vines that once produced a hundred pounds of rich purple grapes for the making of wine and tromping of feet now were bowed over with the weight of a SINGLE grape. No one man could pick it. No one but Big Mick could tromp it and so the berries rotted on the vine and the vine on the ground and the people wept. Great Antony pondered the problem with his superior Roman ponderer and decided to take a sample of the problem back to Rome forsaking Cleopatra in Egypt, she who got bored, met Caesar, screwed around with him for a while and fell on her asp and died. But that is another story for another time. Great Antony found the biggest berry and the biggest cart. He lined the cart with sheep skins to cradle it against bruises. He added new shocks and brake pads to the cart and sent his army ahead to smooth and pave the road lest the huge grape be damaged and drip its contamination along the way and further spread the dreaded plague. The grape came from a vinyard belonging to Anathea who had just lost her beloved brother to the hangman on a false charge of horsetheft...but that is another story for another time.Anathea was proud that that her vinyard had produced the greatest grape of them all and insisted on accompanying it to Rome. She had her heart set on acting career as well and that just wasn't going to happen in the Lower Valley with the emir and the crocodiles and all. So...where was I?...Oh yes. For twenty days and twenty nights they rolled the cart carefully over hill and dale through desert and swamp past farms and barren fields on their way to Rome. They stopped only to eat and allow the camels to rest. Meanwhile back in the city, word spread of the coming of the huge probably diseased fruit and some abandoned the city in fear. Some locked themselves in their homes hoping to avoid contamination. Others fell into a drunken stupor while still others gave themselves over to orgies and folk festivals seeing that the end was near and there was no hope and all was lost. Meanwhile back at the caravan, Antony approached the city. The gates were locked - at least the one they approached. They went to the next and it too was locked. Said Great Antony "There are twelve gates to the city. Halleleu! Do they expect us to go to each one rolling the cart carrying the great grape while Anathea practices her line - HER ONE LINE over and over???? Anathea had an audition the next day for a Clairol commercial and was practicing tossing her hair and shouting "I love it!" with varied emphases and actions. Anyway, they finally reached an open gate and were met by an angry mob ready to burn the grape and Antony and Anathea and anyone else who got in their way. Great Antony, always the consumate politician, strode to the front of the mob. raised his hands for silence and announced "Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears. I have come to sieze her berry not to praise it!" I have been waiting since 1969 for an opportunity to tell this story. Thank you Alison. (courtesy of Flip Wilson). |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: Jeri Date: 27 Mar 01 - 03:09 PM I thought I knew who you were the first time you posted, Zeus. I believe I once detected you in another guise, and it wasn't as a swan - ayuh? And these puns are horrid...good, though! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: SINSULL Date: 27 Mar 01 - 02:42 PM Cool it, Zeus! Hera is on her way and she's still pissed (US version) over losing that stupid beauty contest. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: GUEST,Zeus Date: 27 Mar 01 - 02:00 PM Yeah, and with nuts too! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: Morticia Date: 27 Mar 01 - 01:41 PM Roger, I fear you are getting a little egocentauric....I should tone it down or Zeus will bust you down to cart horse status with no hay priveleges....and that's on a good day. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: alison Date: 27 Mar 01 - 11:41 AM lol........ oh great.. chocolate... my favourite...... and such a big bar......... lol |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: GUEST,Zeus Date: 27 Mar 01 - 11:33 AM Right here sweetie! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: alison Date: 27 Mar 01 - 11:26 AM you're Zeus????? so where's my prize? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: GUEST,Zeus Date: 27 Mar 01 - 11:20 AM one of you knows who I really am, would someone else care to guess? Some of you claim you can tell by the way a person writes who they are if they are posting under "Guest" The one who knows is disqualified in this. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: Ella who is Sooze Date: 27 Mar 01 - 11:02 AM ohhhhh spaw..... doh! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: catspaw49 Date: 27 Mar 01 - 10:59 AM Sorry Noreen, but my Jollity is attached and not available for shipping, express or otherwise. Not only that, its completely limp after reading all of these puns. Time to meditate or medicate and find my centaur so I can get things straight again. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: Noreen Date: 27 Mar 01 - 09:05 AM Enter trainee nymph (still!)...singing... Nymphs and shepherds, come away.
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: alison Date: 27 Mar 01 - 08:54 AM well Zeus... so far in this thread we've had bondage, juice licking, scrabble and whupping....... what more do you want?????? lol |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: GUEST,Zeus Date: 27 Mar 01 - 08:44 AM Fair one, you are real brave as long as you are on the other side of the earth! You know that thunderbolts dont follow the curve..Now, if you follow my logic, I am much older than you, so, I should have more knowledge than you..yes? Seriously...whip my ass, eh? what other kinky things are you into? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler Date: 27 Mar 01 - 08:42 AM I hope all these dreadful puns don't Bacchus into a corner we can't get out of! RtS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: SINSULL Date: 27 Mar 01 - 08:36 AM Funny. I always thought of Micca as being a little to the left of Centaur. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: JudeL Date: 27 Mar 01 - 06:28 AM micca you sound like you're going round in circles - what did you have in that hip-flask Jude |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: Ella who is Sooze Date: 27 Mar 01 - 06:20 AM damn my dyslexia |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: Ella who is Sooze Date: 27 Mar 01 - 06:19 AM would that be similar to Cenaurfugal force Micca... May the centaurfugal force be with you... Bubble bath anyone?.... fountains are bubbling up nicely now...
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: Ella who is Sooze Date: 27 Mar 01 - 06:19 AM would that be similar to Cenaurfugal force Micca... May the cenaurfugal force be with you... Bubble bath anyone?.... fountains are bubbling up nicely now...
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: Ella who is Sooze Date: 27 Mar 01 - 06:17 AM Don't worry Micca... I have a slush fund set aside in the Centaural Bank of Scotland just for those purposes... Actually, I don't bet at all, I am hopeless at it and prefer to Centaur my thoughts on other things other than gambling.. erm... ohhh! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: GUEST,micca at work Date: 27 Mar 01 - 06:03 AM Ella, dont fall for his promises of wealth based on his running ability, its just a Centaurfuge to seperate you from your dosh!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: Ella who is Sooze Date: 27 Mar 01 - 04:47 AM Roger, don't get your Centaur parting in a tizz now... but I reckon your odds would be good for the racing... I'd certainly put a few bob on you... 40 golden guinneas to the winner, though, I agree... I usually end up with nags from the Norfolk n good stables... hem hem.. Ella... from the Centuar of Excellence..... oooooo groan! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler Date: 27 Mar 01 - 04:39 AM Hey, now I'm a Centaur, I ought to enter myself for some horse races and bet on myself. Can't be worse than the ones I usually bet on who seem to come from two well-known stables: Norfolk and Good or Norfolk and Hughes. RtS (only trying to be the Centaur of attention- or did I use that one already- probably!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: Ella who is Sooze Date: 27 Mar 01 - 03:59 AM Erm... Orilla....? Is this a gorilla without his G?
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: Ella who is Sooze Date: 27 Mar 01 - 03:57 AM Alison... you're an awful Squitch! so you are... Hey Mick... Alisons off entertaining Zeus... how about it. And the new name for it is Trivial pursuit... hem hem... What's a tootsie??? And Mmario, wasn't there something about going blind if you were allowed to roll your pop? Wanders off to put soap powder in all Zeus's fountains... Bubble bath anyone? Ella |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: alison Date: 27 Mar 01 - 02:58 AM name your price Zeus... meanwhile.. how about you and I wander off onto one of your clouds... and I'll whup your ass at trivial pursuit...... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler Date: 27 Mar 01 - 02:50 AM No shame, I'm full of delusions of grandeur, in fact I think I'm the Centaur of the universe. RtS (everyone a little gem!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: Big Mick Date: 26 Mar 01 - 08:34 PM Awwrrriggggghhhhhhttttteeeee then................I will be back in character after I get done changing undies and chortling over that feckin' exchange between RtS and spaw............you folks need to get a hobby...............ROFLMAO....... Mick |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: mousethief Date: 26 Mar 01 - 07:06 PM Worked for Lot's daughters. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: GUEST,Zeus Date: 26 Mar 01 - 06:50 PM You came here looking for sense? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: gnu Date: 26 Mar 01 - 04:34 PM Orillia ? Oranything ? confusedgnu
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: Little Hawk Date: 26 Mar 01 - 03:51 PM What does all this have to do with Orillia? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: MMario Date: 26 Mar 01 - 02:21 PM I always wondered why the tootsies were allowed to roll their pop. Isn't there some kind of commandment against that? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: GUEST,kendall Date: 26 Mar 01 - 02:18 PM Dont feel bad Matt, he was wrong about Edgar Cayce too. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: mousethief Date: 26 Mar 01 - 02:08 PM I shudder to think how you would know that, Spaw. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: catspaw49 Date: 26 Mar 01 - 01:52 PM I dunno' Noreen...........I think he's making a comparison to his genitals, in which case his Willie is about an inch long, hard.........but crunchy. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: Noreen Date: 26 Mar 01 - 01:40 PM Yer what, Mattie?? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: GUEST,Matt_R Date: 26 Mar 01 - 01:01 PM How many licks does it take to get to the Centaur of a tootsie roll pop? Ladies? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: catspaw49 Date: 26 Mar 01 - 12:44 PM ......awferchrissakes................... Spaw (who'd take Bill Russell) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: Lonesome EJ Date: 26 Mar 01 - 12:40 PM Personally, I think Kareem was the greatest centaur of all time, although Chamberlain holds the scoring record. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: catspaw49 Date: 26 Mar 01 - 12:26 PM ..........and they're getting worse................ Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: Micca Date: 26 Mar 01 - 12:23 PM Ah...Spaw I thought you were just a Soft Centaur... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Tavern Rites of Spring 2 From: catspaw49 Date: 26 Mar 01 - 12:10 PM What? Centaur Forward? CENTAUR FORWARD??? Geeziz Skiff.............Have you no shame??? Spaw (damn, wish I'd said that) |