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Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Amergin Date: 10 May 01 - 03:59 PM Well you had better get busy then, shouldn't you?;-) |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: katlaughing Date: 10 May 01 - 03:15 PM Oh, geez, Nathan and Don, not like I don't have a bunch of other things which need to be written, too! I hope to get the ranch book finished before my dad checks out; then there's the catbook with the Moving Tales; and, let's see the....well....seriously, THANK YOu very much for the interest and vote of confidence. It really does mean a lot to me and I will keep some notes with that in mind. luvyadarlin's...kat |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Don Firth Date: 10 May 01 - 03:09 PM I second that motion. Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Amergin Date: 10 May 01 - 02:59 PM Well, thanks for the link...very interesting.... katdarling....you know you should do a book or something about your experiences there at the hospice....and maybe put in the stories of the folks who reside there.... |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: katlaughing Date: 10 May 01 - 01:43 PM Well, I did learn the perseverance part! It helps to be an optimist. :-) If you'd like to read more about them, there is a nice historical bit at THIS SITE Scroll down and click on Tradition. Today's gig went well. An old lady came out and sat in a recliner. She apologised about no one coming out to listen. I told her I didn't expect them to and that it was fine. We visited quite a bit and best of all, I knew some of the songs she knew, so she hummed along! She had a beautiful voice. I also have a couple of new ones to work up, just for her. She was very straightforward about being there; she has stomach cancer and was given 6 months to live, 3 months ago. She knows she will be there for the duration. Very gracious, polite, and accepting of her situation. She told me a wonderful story about her brother, who died last Fall. He had called her and begged her to come out to see him, as they knew he was dying. It cost a lot of money, but she decided she just had to. When she arrived, he was in a terrible state. No one could get him to settle down, he couldn't sleep or get comfortable in any way. She was there by 9pm that evening. She started rubbing his back, just a soothing, over and over gentle massage. After about an hour of that, she asked him if that was enough. He said, "Oh, Ginny, it's never enough!" So, she rubbed until 1130pm, at which point he was completely relaxed and able to go to bed. About 2am, his wife come into Ginny's room and said he had passed on, in his sleep, no struggle, no strife, just slipped away. Ginny and I had a wonderful discussion, after she told me this story, about therapeutic touch and music thanatology. She knows, now, if she wants music when her time comes, I will be there for her. What a beautiful woman she is. I also met the Volunteer Coordinator, Vickie, who was suprised and delighted that I was there. Seems she has about 75 volunteers, but only one who does music, the flute player on Mondays. She'd been thinking she needed to do something about it, so when she found out my plans to be there every week, she said it was "meant to be." Nice to get that validation and SO MANY people do NOT know what a lap dulcimer is!! I am having a blast just introducing everyone to it, staff, patients, and families. Hope I get some recruits out of it! One other thing about Vickie, that I was delighted to find out: She's been to a couple of workshops, in NYC and elsewwhere, which had presentations by music thanotologist's (ones with degrees from uni)using harps and was quite taken with it. Thanks, kat |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Amergin Date: 10 May 01 - 12:46 PM Oh....I can see you didn't learn much from them then...*BG* Glad to hear you're off to play again! Break a nail! |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: katlaughing Date: 10 May 01 - 11:28 AM It's like the Rainbow Girls and DeMolay, which is for boys. An organisation which is based on the Book of Job, teaching patience, virtue, and perseverance to girls from about 12-18 or so. Under the aegis of the Masons. If you'd like more info, I'll post it later. For now, I am off to play at hospice. Thanks Boab! kat |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Amergin Date: 10 May 01 - 07:21 AM Kat, what is a Job's Daughter? |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Boab Date: 10 May 01 - 03:55 AM Congrats, Kat; many of those places couldn't continue to function without volunteer help in all departments, not only entertainment.I joined a phone-list of volunteer entertainers some years back, and our group [the "Winklepickers"]do regular work in the local eventide homes . Keeps us "tight" for commercial gigs! You have set out on a very worthwhile project. Boab |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: katlaughing Date: 09 May 01 - 10:38 PM I meant to post this earlier: the hymn for which I didn't have a name is Sweet Hour of Prayer. My sister, bet, recognised it as soon as I played it for her. She teased me that my early days as a Job's Daughter aka Jobie, were coming through, as that is one of the closing songs we used to sing at Temple. Amazing what our minds remember, unbidden, the tune, but no name!**BG** |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Ma-K Date: 11 Apr 01 - 09:02 AM Good for you Kat...Last week when I was playing at the nurseing home I noticed one of the ladys who had played for Church for many years was moveing her fingers like she was playing the music. I told the nurse that she played the piano. The nurse took her to the piano and ask her to play Amazing Grace. She sat and looked at her hands with a puzzled look on her face and then picked it out with one finger, then two, then all. Then she played How much is that doggy in the window. Oh...Be careful about playing the national anthem. A friend was asked to play it. One lady stood up put her hand over on her heart and then then a room full of wheel chair setters tryed to stand up. Only one hit the floor (no one was hurt). Playing at the nurseing home was where I really learned to play my dulcimer....Mary |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: LR Mole Date: 11 Apr 01 - 08:54 AM Farina used to do "Ode to Joy" in waltz time. Very natural. This all makes sense to me: the dulcimer with the open strings blends what the player does with what already is. Only music, of all the arts, calls itself muse-ic, in touch with the next and the other. Who knows what part of the circle we're on, and why bother to distinguish the dancer from the dance, as WBY asked. |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Dani Date: 11 Apr 01 - 08:10 AM Great God I love this place. Thanks so much for sharing, Kat. I'm really happy for you. My church is just beginning to become involved with a nearby hospice, and I think my contribution will be limited to working in their garden right now. Don't think they want me practicing my three chords on my banjo just yet.... but who knows?! Dani |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Liz the Squeak Date: 11 Apr 01 - 02:15 AM simply music in the house, like a fountain in a garden, or birdsong. Couldn't have put it better.... Well done, brave Kat, now the next challenge is to go back again. XX Liz |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Night Owl Date: 11 Apr 01 - 01:37 AM kat..you bring a smile to my heart!!! Congratulations. |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Gypsy Date: 11 Apr 01 - 01:20 AM Darlin Kat, great thing to do, lassie. Husband and i have similar plans, when we are no longer caregivers. But, his mother does enjoy our music in the house! |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: katlaughing Date: 11 Apr 01 - 01:16 AM I cannot begin to tell you all how very much your comments and support mean to me. I feel as though I am reconnecting with a part of me that is so important. I always loved working in medicine, just didn't see how I could physically anymore, now I can have that connection, again, in an even better way, and I am grateful. No, Sorcha, I thought of Greensleeves, but I don't think it is. I'll try to get the tabs posted, tomorrow. Thansk a bunch and thanks Max and Bert for the Thread of the Week! luvyakat |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Noreen Date: 10 Apr 01 - 08:12 PM Lovely, kat. So glad it went well. I can picture you there, in harmony with the peacefulness of the house. |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Max Date: 10 Apr 01 - 07:09 PM REFRESH - Thread of the Week |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 10 Apr 01 - 06:30 PM Sounds like the way I thought it should be - not a concert, but simply music in the house, like a fountain in a garden, or birdsong. Refreshing. |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Lonesome EJ Date: 10 Apr 01 - 05:49 PM Way to go, Darlin'. What a wonderful thing to do for those folks. |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Sorcha Date: 10 Apr 01 - 05:37 PM kat, is the tune Greensleeves? aka What Child is this, who laid to rest on Mary's lap is sleeping? |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Bert Date: 10 Apr 01 - 05:20 PM Impressive play list. |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Amergin Date: 10 Apr 01 - 05:18 PM So we were all there? I have a quick question....was I wearing clothes or not? |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Ebbie Date: 10 Apr 01 - 04:59 PM Sounds like you and your surroundings were in perfect syn, kat. Lovely. Ebbie |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: catspaw49 Date: 10 Apr 01 - 02:47 PM katmyluv, I couldn't be happier that it went so well and that you are as happy with yourself as I know they are with you. Thanks for the kind words, but your desire is what's done the trick. I thought a long time back that an App would be a good instrument for you and I'm not surprised things have worked out between the two of you! Spaw |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: katlaughing Date: 10 Apr 01 - 02:06 PM Well, first, Bert, it's not a Spaw dulcimer, much as I would love it to be, BUT it is because of him that I got it and if ya'll remember when he and LeeJ were hotrodding in that one Tavern thread, he was "Peaches", so...that why "he", my dulcimer, is named Peaches, in Spaw's honour! Amergin, thanks, the whole lot of you were there, in my mind and heart. It was such a peaceful and soothing setting...I could just sit there and play myself into a meditative state it is that nice of a space. No touring dates, no concerts, ya buggah!**BG** But, to answer you each, I will be going in at least once per week to play for an hour or so, except next week as I will be away. I have given them my card with phone number and instruction to call me whenever and if ever someone feels an immediate and real need to some soothing strumming. I can feel this is a direction I am to move into and it something I want to do, so...it becomes much less effort, which is also good for me. At least I wasn't the only one with an oxygen bottle by my side!**BG** Bonnie, you're right, I've practised so much in the past week, my hands cramped up last night! But, the tunes are coming in an order which seems to be pleasing and nicely segued, so...I should keep sounding better and better, as I learn more, too. Thanks, Jeff, very much, I playedsongs that I know well and am comfortable with:
Holy Manna I segue, just naturally, from Holy Manna into some old hymn of something that I do not know the name of, but it is a perfect fit, then it slides right into Country Roads. When I have time, I'll post the dulcimer frets/tabs for it and maybe someone can identify it. I think the words are something about "What ?? is this, who lays to rest, etc." **BG** THANKS!! |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: jeffp Date: 10 Apr 01 - 01:47 PM kat, I'm so glad you were able to do this. Thank you for sharing the experience. What songs/tunes did you play? jeffp |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Little Neophyte Date: 10 Apr 01 - 01:46 PM I'm sooooo happy for you Kat. You sound great! Savor the feeling as long as you can. So, will you be doing this on a regular basis? Whats the plan? I know one thing, performing sure gets a fire under my butt to practice and I end up getting so much better at what I do. You are giving these folks such a gift and in return receiving one too. I think this is just wonderful. Bonnie |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Bert Date: 10 Apr 01 - 01:37 PM Oh, so that was a SPAW dulcimer! No wonder it started to snow. *BG* You're wonderful. Luvya, Bert. |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Amergin Date: 10 Apr 01 - 01:27 PM Alright! I just knew you'd be able to do it, katdarling! (inspite of my smartass comments) I am so glad to hear that everything went well! Though I knew they would. So when's the next concert date? When do you start touring? |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: katlaughing Date: 10 Apr 01 - 01:09 PM Great poem, Kevin. Thanks for posting it. Well, today was the big day! Thanks to all of you, I had the courage to go through with it. I couldn't sleep last night; my neck and shoulders were tight with anticipation, my mind going round in whirls of "what ifs", until about 3a when I finally did get some sleep. I knew when I got up that I was ready no matter. The place itself is a beautiful large home with a large vaulted living room and very large kitchen, very inviting. The living room has several seating areas, very soothing lighting and tones, with a beautiful stone fireplace, and also a piano. The staff were quite nice, a little puzzled as none of them knew what a dulcimer was, but very open and delighted I'd come. For today, I sat in a wonderfully comfortable chair besides the fireplace, right next to a wonderful bronze statue of an Amerindian playing a flute, the kind of music I love to attune to! I sat there, with my little list of song names, so I wouldn't forget any, and just played as I would at home, almost to myself. It had been explained to me that the acoustics were such that anything which went on in the living room was easily heard in all of the rooms. I said that was fine, people needn't feel they had to come out to listen, that I just love playing and wanted to help them through an hour of their time. So, I sat, and I played just like at home nad it felt so comfortable. The windows were big, but not bright, little primroses bloomed just outside, and I didn't miss too many notes, oh, and it began to snow!*BG* About half way through, the director came over and asked about the instrument and took me up on my offer to try it out. She really loved it and just kept telling me how wonderful it was that I'd come and how much she looked forward to me coming again and could she put me in the newsletter! Just before I left, I gave my card to one of the aides. She said that my playing was very soothing and that was the most gratifying thing to me, as that is what I wanted it to be. Just before I went into play, I sat in my car and gave thanks and asked for the aid and assistance of the Great Spirit. I felt calm then, all worry about flubbing up was gone. When I came back out, I felt a deep sense of gratitiude and "rightness" and now know this is something I will be doing a lot. It was good for my heart and that counts for a lot! Thank you so much for your encouragement and faith in me. BTW, Spaw...you will know why when I tell you, last night, in the realms of Sleepnot, I finally came up with "Peaches" for a name for my dulcimer, in honour of you and your encouragement in my getting it and learning to play. I am in your debt, my dear. luvyakat |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 04 Apr 01 - 04:34 PM "Hawks" - "Foxes". It's logical mindspin.
Here's a poem from that book that you might like, kat. It's by a lady called Kath Dinsdale, who was dying in St John's Hospice Lancaster when she was prompted into writing it, after she'd said how she couldn't write poetry:
Grandma's Cat
I remember Grandma's cat
I used to try to smuggle him up to my bedroom
It's funny that they should have cared about one another,
She would have given everything to make you happy.
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Amergin Date: 04 Apr 01 - 02:59 PM We love her, Bert? |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Liz the Squeak Date: 04 Apr 01 - 02:54 PM Oh Kat, Bless you. Just making one person remember and smile will be worth it. I wish you were here. Liz |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Bert Date: 04 Apr 01 - 02:53 PM I'd better not say - "Knock 'em dead kat" *BG* Seriously, You're wonderful, they'll love you as much as we do. Bert. |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Amergin Date: 04 Apr 01 - 02:19 PM Ah hell, I guess I need to apologise, Mrrzy...... |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Don Firth Date: 04 Apr 01 - 02:08 PM The movie Mrzzy refers to is Hawks (1988) with Timothy Dalton and Anthony Edwards. Video should be rentable. Too bad most Americans know Timothy Dalton only as James Bond. He's a terrific actor and, according to my wife, the ultimate hunk (next to me, of course). His portrayal of Edward Rochester in the BBC production of Jane Eyre is definitive. Don Firth
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Amergin Date: 04 Apr 01 - 01:57 PM I know what movie you're talking about, Mrrzy....I can't remember the name of it, but I didn't see it listed in his credits....and since such classics like Flash Gordon and The Rocketeer were listed, one can be sure that would be as well....are you sure it was him? Though he does sound about right.....ah hell I'm just confused as usual... |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: katlaughing Date: 04 Apr 01 - 01:38 PM Jeffp, Sorcha, good points, thank you so much. Bonnie, Kevin, Amos thank you. All of you make my heart sing. I want you to know I've been practising a lot and feel more confident and shall think of you all the first time I am there. I'll bring my own "Aura of Support!" Mrzzy...I found Dalton's website but don't see any listing with Foxes in it. Do you have any other info? I really would like to see it. Thanks! luvyakat |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Mrrzy Date: 04 Apr 01 - 01:15 PM Kat, I'm proud to be part of a group that contains you. This is NOT thread creep... There was some music in it too, but I'm recommending it for the mind-set and the cold feet. It's a British film, I believe, and I've never been able to find it anywhere here in the US in stores (I saw it on TV years ago, before Dalton was Bond, James Bond, I think). And do keep us posted. |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: jeffp Date: 04 Apr 01 - 12:58 PM kat, I think it is a wonderful idea. People who are in the final stage of life appreciate knowing that somebody cares enough to give them personal attention. Often friends and even family abandon them because they don't know how to cope with the impending loss. Whatever you play will be enjoyed. Just sitting and listening can be as valuable, too. You have a big heart and I know you can do this. Don't forget, some hospices provide home help for people who wish to die at home. Perhaps some of these folks would like a visit, too. jeffp |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Amos Date: 04 Apr 01 - 12:30 AM You go, kat lady! Ya make us all proud!! A |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Sorcha Date: 03 Apr 01 - 11:12 PM kat, let your heart, their eyes and their words guide you. Play what they request if you can, if not, play something similar. Talk if they want to, talk about what THEY want to talk about, play soft, gentle stuff for those in coma--there is a LOT of evidence that they can hear, it's the last sense to go.
If your heart says "DO IT", then you know there must be a reason.......I want to do it, too, but I am not far enough beyond my mother's death to be able too yet. The last time she was at my house before she died, I spent about 3 hours playing her viola for her...... She alternately beamed and cried.....and asked for more. It was hell on my hands to play viola that long, as it is so much bigger than my violin, but I am so glad I did it. I had planned to "harp her home", but she was only in the hospital one day before she died, and that was my sister's day with her....... |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: SINSULL Date: 03 Apr 01 - 08:56 PM Good for you! Kat. With you around they will be living instead of dying. You will make a lot of people happy and the happiness will rub off on you too. Let us know how it goes. And NO. You can't take anyone home with you. |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Little Neophyte Date: 03 Apr 01 - 08:51 PM Kat, your presents alone would be enough. They will love you no matter what you do. Just be yourself and everything will fall into place. This is a wonderful thing you are doing. Good luck, Bonnie |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 03 Apr 01 - 08:45 PM Now that sounds like kat, and I can't imagine anybody who'd be more suited to do it. Especially with the dulcimer now, it's the right instrument.
The thing is with hospices, people die at all ages, so there can't be any rules about the age of the songs and so forth.
There's a little book I picked up in a sale somewhere made up of poems and pictures from people in a hospice, gathered by a writer in residence - "Now I can tell" edited Lynne Alexander. Out of print, which is how things go. Anyway, here's a quote from DH Lawrence that serves as its introduction (and I don't even like DH Lawrence generally):
We are dying, we are dying, so all we can do
A little ship, with oars and food (DH Lawrence, from "The Ship of Death") I think the crucial thing is to share with the people the songs and the tunes that you love most yourself.
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: katlaughing Date: 03 Apr 01 - 08:40 PM Thanks, Harpgirl, I figured it was something like that and I like the term...it's confidence building.:-) Lucy, thanks, it's not trepidation at being with the dying as much as being a novice on the dulcimer and playing in public, but I will approach it as positively as possible. Sorcha, that's kind of what I am wondering about. I used to work on the terminal ward in hospital. I remember being really happy about my work and having an empathy with the patients which seemed of great help to them and me. Now, in the shape I am in, on the surface it seems a little crazy to put out so much effort because I know it will effect my heart, which has already been broken so much, BUT in some Cosmic way, I am getting the message that this may be part of the healing my heart needs. I know when I do this kind of work online or on the phone, it does sap me of energy....I am thinking that maybe being with other people will lessen it in some ways which may be helpful. Don't know is this makes much sense and it sounds egotistical to me, but it sure helps a bunch to talk it through with you all. Thanks so much. luvyakat |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: Sorcha Date: 03 Apr 01 - 08:16 PM It's difficult emotional work, kat, esp. in a hospice. You know they are dying, they know they are dying....and sometimes NEED to talk about it. Most people won't--prepare to have your heart broken, because you will get attached to these people. Take breaks after "important deaths".....the hospice will understand. Quite often, in a one on one situation, it is several months after a death before a Volunteer can come back for another patient. Be brave, and try it for a while. If it takes too much out of you, you can always stop. |
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Subject: RE: Help: Took a big step, Now to avoid cold feet From: harpgirl Date: 03 Apr 01 - 08:11 PM ...it's "mental strength" kat... |
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