Lyr Req: The Librarians Song

Subject: The Librarians Song
From: Tig
Date: 11 Apr 01 - 10:28 AM

John Leonard and John Squires used to do a song about a pawnbroker who heard there were "pawnography" books in the library - and requested to borrow them. Has anyone got a copy of the words. It was recorded on their LP in the 70's -Gentlemen of Leisure - but my copy was nicked!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Librarians Song
From: MMario
Date: 11 Apr 01 - 10:37 AM

is it the bold librarian

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Librarians Song
From: Hollowfox
Date: 11 Apr 01 - 12:07 PM

Nope, Mmario, it's a different song. Tig, I hope somebody finds it; I'd love to learn it myself.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE LIBRARIAN'S LAMENT
From: GUEST,fleetwood
Date: 11 Apr 01 - 09:39 PM

223 THE LIBRARIAN'S LAMENT

One fine Monday morn as I sat at me desk
In the ould Public Library down in the Square,
In comes an ould customer, heavily laden
With two bags of groceries, costly and rare.

"And what can I do for to help or assist you?"
Says I to herself, with a nod and a smile.
"'Tis a book that I'm wanting" says she, "For I hear
You've the finest selection in many's the mile."

"Let me guess, then," says I, "as to what you'll be needing
To suit a fine lady, and such as yourself.
Sure, and what could compare with a romantic novel?"
And quickly I reaches one down from the shelf.

"Well, now here's a fine tale of a handsome brain surgeon
Whose spirits are low, and his mind in a rage,
Till his troubles are eased by a pretty fair maiden,
And wedding bells chime on the very last page!"

"Sure, that's not what I'm wanting at all," says the lady.
"And truth for to tell you, the book's not for me,
But it was me husband who sent me to ask
If you have in this place any pornography."

"If it's pornography that you're wanting," says I,
"Well, you've found the right place, and you'll very soon see,
For it's under me counter. I have a fine stack
Of the dirtiest books in this auld country.

"Lady Chatterley's Lover," "Last Exit to Brooklyn,"
"The Ould Perfumed Garden" and "Carnal Desire"--
And every volume is bound in asbestos
For fear your hot breath sets the pages on fire.

"For there's Swedish au pair girls all dressed up in rubber.
There's handsome transvestites both gallant and gay,
And there's every diversion that's known to mankind,
And it's all on the rates. There's no money to pay!"

"Well, I think there must be some mistake," says the lady,
"For that's not the stuff that I'm wanting, indeed.
For me husband's a pawnbroker, not a sex fiend,
And I fear it's not this that he's wanting to read.

"Oh, he heard about pawn-ography from a friend,
And I fear that some comical error he's made,
For, hearing the word, and not knowing its meaning,
He thought it was something to do with his trade!"

This ould pawnbroker's wife she was highly amused
When with rage I began for to curse and to swear,
And I gave her a four-inches-thick Jilly Cooper
And told her to shove it the devil knows where.

And as this ould woman she made her departure,
I raged and I ranted. I stamped on me hat.
I threw at her a volume by Jeffery Archer.
"Bejass," says I, "and we'll never miss that."

Ah, but out of adversity comes opportunity.
So the old prophets and sages do say,
And the Pawnbroker's story caused great amusement
When told to my colleagues the very next day.

So, being well known as a writer of songs
That are printed an all the best lavatory walls,
Well, I went home and scribbled this pornography,
And I call it "The Tale of the Man with Three Balls."

HTML line breaks added, and punctuation (I hope) improved. --JoeClone, 2-Jun-02.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Librarians Song
From: GUEST,fleetwood
Date: 11 Apr 01 - 09:41 PM

sorry about the layout but is this the song you wanted?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Librarians Song
From: MAG (inactive)
Date: 12 Apr 01 - 12:53 PM

Well, I clicked on this thinking it might be something I could use for career day, but I think not. Does it go to the tune of Streets of Laredo?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Librarians Song
From: GUEST,Banjo-Flower
Date: 13 Apr 01 - 05:14 AM

I think this song was written by John Connelly

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Librarians Song
From: Tig
Date: 13 Apr 01 - 08:29 PM

Thank you Fleetwood, 'tis the very song. Yes, it was writen by John Connelly - a librarian - but not to the Streets of Larado. Thanks for the help.