Bawdy songs for women to sing

Subject: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST,Nancy
Date: 17 Apr 01 - 07:36 PM

I know there's a link somewhere here but I couldn't find it! Anyway, husband is turning 50 and I need some humorous bawdy songs for women to sing about men. Any suggestions or links greatly appreciated:)

Cheers, Nancy

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST,Bruce O.
Date: 17 Apr 01 - 07:43 PM

"Trap; or the young lass", (broadside title, see the broadside ballad index on my website for copy location), later called "My thing is my own".

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST,Bruce O.
Date: 17 Apr 01 - 07:45 PM

It's in DT file THINGOWN.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: Mr Red
Date: 17 Apr 01 - 07:47 PM

"Nine Times a Night"
Then there is the Paul Ryan (UK) song about the Devil and a Widow, can't remember the title but the general gist is "100 times a night"

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST,Bruce O.
Date: 17 Apr 01 - 07:52 PM

You can find early copies of "Nine times a night" on the Bodley Ballads website. Use Browse (title) on '9 times'.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: Helen
Date: 17 Apr 01 - 08:00 PM

John Anderson My Jo, as sung by the Scottish harp duo called Sileas, i.e. Patsy Seddon and Mary McMaster.

They have lots of raucous songs on their albums (I have Beating Harps and Delighted with Harps) - a real treat for women to hear the female perspective on raunchiness. It's a treat, too, to hear harpers who don't just play "pretty" music, although it's hard to find album reviewers who see it that way. Harp music seems to disconnect people's analytical powers somehow so that the fact that it is harp music disconnects from the fact that they are singing raunchy women's lyrics. Sorry for my bemused rambling.

Helen

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: lady penelope
Date: 17 Apr 01 - 08:17 PM

One of my favourites is a shanty by Capriole

The Feminist Sea Shanty - Hurrah For Toy Boys!

Another oneof theirs is their version of "sixteen tons" "Sixteen Stone"

I've only got them on tape and I don't know if they're all that available ( in England that is ). Drop me a message if you'd like a copy.

TTFN M'Lady P.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST,Bruce O.
Date: 17 Apr 01 - 08:23 PM

"John Anderson, my Jo"- the 5 verse version of 1744, and the 6 verse one of 1768 are in the Scarce Songs 2 file on my website, where you'll also find 3 copies of the tune that are older than any text. www.erols.com/olsonw

I mean the original one, of course, not Robert Burns recast version.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST,Timbrel
Date: 17 Apr 01 - 09:38 PM

Maids, When You;re Young, Never Wed an Old Man

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: alison
Date: 17 Apr 01 - 09:57 PM

cucumbers are better than men

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: Bert
Date: 17 Apr 01 - 10:03 PM

Search for @BAWDY. Men like them ALL.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: Chicken Charlie
Date: 17 Apr 01 - 10:17 PM

Nancy--

May I suggest looking thru Elizabethan material?? Bawdy songs haven't been the same since Bess died. Somewhere I have a tape of "My Thing is My Own," for example, which is sung by a young woman besieged by a whole series of men in ways she describes in terms of their professions, e.g. "A master of music came with the intent/ To give me a lesson on my instrument," etc. I will try to dig up discography on that, but try the title on DT and wherever else you know to search titles.

Chicken Charlie

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: mousethief
Date: 17 Apr 01 - 11:06 PM

"My husband has no courage in him" -- this was on an album (later CD) by Maddy Prior and June Tabor.

Alex

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST,Bruce O.
Date: 17 Apr 01 - 11:06 PM

I've already pointed out "Trap; or the young lass/ My thing is my own", which is much latter than Elizabethan (Charles II's time). Almost all bawdy Elizabeth songs known are in the Scarce Songs 1 file on my website. [Maulken was a country maid/ Carman's Whistle/ Watkin's Ale/ Nash's Dildoe, and a few not known to have ever been printed. See also the long history of "Dabbling in the dew makes mikmaids fair" there. "Friar and Nun" is pre-Elizabethan, as are those in Robbins' and 2 other collections of 14th and 15 century secular lyrics). Also pre-Elizabethan is "Kitt hath lost her key" and other songs in 'Bassus', 1530 (Collier's forged version of "Kitt" is 1846-8] www.erols.com/olsonw

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST,Bruce O.
Date: 17 Apr 01 - 11:30 PM

I've refreshed the old "Serving girl's holiday" thread for you to look at.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: artbrooks
Date: 17 Apr 01 - 11:58 PM

There is a great one about a wife sewing her husband up in a sheet and then bashing him with a skillet for good and sufficient reasons, but I can't recall the name of it.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST,Bruce O.
Date: 18 Apr 01 - 01:33 AM

There are a lot of dometic strife ballads, but they aren't usually very bawdy. See "The Cobbler of Colchester" (Elizaethan) in the Collier's Forgeries file on my website (he didn't forge all of it and I've all that's in the original). "Dick German the Cobler" (on Bodley Ballads website it's "Dick Darling the Cobler") [cobbler and cobler spellings seem to be about equal]. They often hinge on the husand's excessive drinking habits (little time at home and no money left for family necessities).

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: roopoo
Date: 18 Apr 01 - 02:29 AM

Hands up all those who have seen Mrs Duck sing "The Old Maid in the Garret", carrot in hand! Brings tears to men's eyes and a smile to the face of us women!!

Andrea

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: MARINER
Date: 18 Apr 01 - 02:57 AM

There is an album called "Songs of Love, Lust and Loose Living" by , if memory serves me well, Tony Britton and Isla Cameron which should fit the picture. It came out in the 60s and surely must have been re-issues on C.D. by now.There are some crackers on that.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: KingBrilliant
Date: 18 Apr 01 - 05:18 AM

Firelock Stile (its in the database). Its a cautionary tale about a young lad who gets lured into the woods by a lady of questionable morals - and ends up catching a dose of something nasty.
Hamm & I sang it a while back - and were quizzed afterwards about 'what was that word in the second verse?'.....

Also - Seven drunken nights? That's a good one. Its sung from the male perspective - but the woman is obviously coming out on top, so to speak!

Kris

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: The Shambles
Date: 18 Apr 01 - 07:56 AM

I'm Respectable Now.

In The Mudcat Songbook.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: pattyClink
Date: 18 Apr 01 - 11:02 AM

How bawdy? If you want pretty, naughty, with a great group chorus, try 'Morning Glory' (change a few "I"s to "He"s and you're good to go

If you want truly disgustingly vulgar, I will yield the floor to those who know more about that sort of thing.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: LR Mole
Date: 18 Apr 01 - 11:07 AM

You couldn't get me into this thread with a gun. Except for saying what I just said.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 18 Apr 01 - 11:17 AM

Oddly enough in Southern Appalachia, Scotland and Ireland at least (and I suspect in the rest of the English-speaking workd), women were traditionally the repository for bawdy songs.And sang them with great gusto!

" if all the young ladies were singing this song It would be twice as dirty and ten times as long......."

Subject: Lyr/Chords Add: MALE BONDING SONG
From: Charley Noble
Date: 18 Apr 01 - 11:33 AM

I's really like to see the words posted for The Feminist Sea Shanty - Hurrah For Toy Boys!

As for my contribution there's The Male Bonding Song, lost somewhere admist recent threads which runs:

MALE BONDING SONG
(Words & Music by Bill Gallaher © 1995 From The Last Battle CD BGM 1002)

  
  G                                      C 
  When we learned, it was a shocking re-ve-lation 
        D                                         G 
  That somehow as men we simply hadn't grown;
                               G7                 C 
  So we looked at all you women, and your pride in feminism,
            D7                               G 
  And we started up a movement of our own.
         C  D  G         C            D 
  Now we are men, and proud to be men;
       G           C              D 
  We meet every Sa-tur-day at three;
                G                         G7 
  And we ex-plore with great per-sis-tence,
        C 
  Our mas-cu-line existence,
             D                                           G 
  Beat our drums, and run off naked through the trees.
  
  Chorus:
  G                                                C 
  Oh, we all go running naked through the trees,
      D                             G 
  As naked as a jaybird, if you please,
                                 G7 
  Oh, we throw off all our wrappings,
               C 
  And with private parts a-flapping,
        D                                     G 
  We all go running naked through the trees!
  

Yes, every weekend we all meet deep in the forest,
Where we beat our drums and fashion spears from trees;
And with our faces painted, we all get re-acquainted
With our atavistic masculinity.
For we are men and proud to be men,
We meet every Saturday at three;
And we flaunt with great pretension
Those long penile extensions,
As we all go running naked through the trees...

I guess we spent too long pretending we were something we were not,
While we hid our inner turmoil and our strife;
You thought we had a bed of roses though we stood with runny noses,
Pressed up hard against the window pane of life.
Now we are men and damn proud to be men,
We meet every Saturday at three;
And if you think it's just depravity,
You don't know what it's like to be,
A man gone running naked through the trees (It hurts!)...

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: Kim C
Date: 18 Apr 01 - 11:39 AM

The Brisk Young Butcher

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST,#1
Date: 18 Apr 01 - 11:54 AM

Dick, it's that old testosterone. After a man gets through a few bawdy lines he can't get his mind back off that erection he has.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST,#1
Date: 18 Apr 01 - 05:34 PM

Hours and hours, past now. Hasn't anyone figured out how to help that poor man with his erection problem?

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: artbrooks
Date: 18 Apr 01 - 05:50 PM

"Barnacle Bill the Sailor"

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: harpmolly
Date: 18 Apr 01 - 06:00 PM

Well, "Do You Love An Apple," isn't bawdy per se, but it contains one of my very favorite lines ever:

"Before I got married I wore a black shawl,
But since I've got married, I wear bugger-all!"

ahhh...gotta love it. :)

And then there's always Kate Rusby's "Cowsong,":

"Oh, when this young man he awoke,
Both girl and cow were gone;
And also were the shoes he wore
And the trousers he had on!

So come all you young men, near and far,
Never heed a maiden's call;
Never trust a girl with your mother's cow,
Never let your trousers fall!"

I might not have got all the words correct, but you get the idea. :)

M

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: Mr Red
Date: 18 Apr 01 - 06:56 PM

artbrooks
Isn't that song "a Stitch in Time"
Martin Carthy's been singing it for eons, at least ten years before Euen McColl sang it on his last record and suddenly Mike Waterson has to share the copyright with him. Carthy never mentioned that!. He always mentions it is a true story from the Hull Daily Mail.
Bawdy songs,
what about "A Trooper Watering His Nag" (described as an old song in 1715). It is a tale and non gender specific.
One woman thanked me for singing more verses because she only knew the last verse - as a nursery rhyme.
viz There was an old woman lived underneath the hill, with me rowdy dowdy dow and me rowdy dowdy day. And if she's not dead then she's living there still, Was it so, was it so was it so?

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST,Bruce O.
Date: 18 Apr 01 - 07:38 PM

Mr. Red, that "Trooper Watering his Nag" was in 'Pills to Purge Melancholy', IV, pp. 55-6, 1707, but I've not seen any evidence that it's older than that. If you have some evidence for it being older please show it.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST,#1
Date: 18 Apr 01 - 09:03 PM

Well, I'm glad to see I didn't kill the thread. Maybe it will get interesting yet.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: Bert
Date: 18 Apr 01 - 09:39 PM

The carrot reference reminded me of this one. I'm surprised it's noy in DT.

All the nice girls love a candle
All the nice girls love a wick
for there's something about a candle
it feels so like a prick
Nice and greasy, slips in easy
It's the ladies pride and joy
It's been up the Queen of Spain
and it's going up again
Ship ahoy! Sailor boy!

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST,#1
Date: 18 Apr 01 - 09:40 PM

What happened to "Bollocky Bill the Sailor"? I thought we were after the bawdy ones.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE WIDOW (from the Poozies)
From: DaisyA
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 06:28 AM

The one about the widow and the devil is called The Widow's Moor - I heard a great version by the Poozies, sung by Kate Rusby.


THE WIDOW
As recorded by The Poozies on "Raise Your Head (A Retrospective)" (2000)

High upon a lonely moor, a widow lived alone.
And in she kept, and as she slept, her pillow heard her moan:
"Oh, many is the traveller has spent the night with me.
There's not a man in all creation gives content to me!

"Well, some can manage once or twice, and some make three or four.
It seems to me a rarity is the man who can do more.
I'll do anything to find him, in heaven or in Hell."
And as these words were spoken, then she heard the front-door bell.

CHORUS: And the wind blew cold and lonely across that widow's moor,
And she never ever turned away a traveller from the door.

So boldly then the widow, ran; the door she opened wide,
And as she did, a tall and handsome stranger stepped inside.
She gave him bread and brandy, and when that he was fed,
He said: "My dear, now have no fear; it's time to come to bed.

"For I've heard your call way down below, and I've come to see you right,
But you must come to Hell with me if I can last the night."
She said: "You randy devil! To this bargain I'll agree,
For Hell on earth or Hell in Hell, it's all the same to me!" CHORUS

When they both fell into bed, the devil was working well.
He thought before the night was through she'd be in his hell,
But when they came to number nine, the widow cried out: "More!"
When the twelfth time came around, again she cried for more.

At twenty-five, the devil felt compelled to take a rest,
But the widow she said: "Come raise your head, and put me to the test!"
At sixty-nine, the widow laughed. "Again! Again!" she cried,
And the devil said: "Well, I can see just how your husband died!" CHORUS

At ninety-nine, the devil he began to cry and weep.
He said: "I'll give you anything if you'll let me go to sleep!"
Before the morning light was up, the devil hobbled home.
The widow, still not satisfied, once more was left alone.

Then as she lay and grumbled, she thought of ninety-nine.
"If only that old devil could have made it one more time!
I'll call him up again tonight to see what can be done.
With a little more application, he could've made the ton!"

When she called to him that night, no devil did appear.
For the first time in eternity, the devil he shook with fear.
He said: "Of all the torment I've witnessed here in Hell,
I never knew what pain was 'till I rang your front-door bell!" CHORUS X3


Hope you like it. I also know a few songs about sexually transmitted diseases, but not yet sure whether they are appropriate for Mudcat!

Daisy

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: MMario
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 08:41 AM

G#1 - some people make a distinction between "Bawdy" and "downright crude" - a song with clever double entendre will often go down better, and be more useful in more situations - then a blatant(blatent?)one.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: Louisa
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 08:50 AM

What about The Buxom Lass sang by Nancy Kerr with the Kings Of Callicutt, on the second Evolving tradition album? Sorry can not be bothered to type out all the words, but it always goes down well in the pub.

Also Polly Oliver's Rambles (on the database I think) is pretty funny. She's not really bawdy but manages to successfully trick her husband-to-be!

Louisa

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: JudeL
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 01:03 PM

Try:
Cottage for sale,
Dog & gun ( also known as the Yorkshire couple)
cuckoo's nest,
the skivvy,
knocking nellie,
Jean the whiplash queen,
or even: Rolling in the clover

Subject: Lyr Add: THE DINGHY SONG^^
From: harpmolly
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 01:03 PM

Okay, I'm sorry to repeat myself, but for this thread it bears repeating:

"The Dinghy Song" as heard on the Dr. Demento show...can't remember who sang it. I quoted some lyrics on the "Dirty songs from the '50s" thread, but I don't know how to do clickys so I'll just give you a few here again. it's a GREAT song. :)

"He's got the cutest little dinghy in the Navy,
And all the girlies know that it's so!
The cutest little dinghy in the Navy,
They love to watch him go heave-ho!

It isn't very long and it isn't very short,
It's built for speedy action and it gets him into port!

It isn't very narrow and it isn't very wide,
But you should see that thing go in and out with the tide!

The cutest little dinghy in the Navy,
Heave-ho, heave-ho!

Now I have seen a hundred other dinghies,
And I'm qualified to remark
He's got the cutest little dinghy in the Navy,
Why, I would know it even in the dark!

etc. etc.

At least I remembered the damn line breaks this time...

I wonder if this song would work on the harp...hmmm...

M

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST,Mr Red
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 01:05 PM

Bruce O
I only got a look in the Dover facsimile version or "Pills to Purge Melancholly", on the open shelves at the Bodliean. Because I requested the wrong 1715 "Pills"
I think correct "Pills" (both edited by Thomas D'Urfey) was published in 1719 but most songs were listed as composed by a person but some, including the Trooper, did not. The Trooper was most definitely described as an "old song". I take that to mean more than 20 years and probably older than memory.
no other info.

Subject: Lyr Add: YOU'VE BEEN A GOOD OLD WAGON^^
From: Mark Clark
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 02:14 PM

This has to be the greatest song for a woman to sing to a man turning fifty.

      - Mark

GOOD OLD WAGON
Sung by: Bessie Smith

Looka here, Daddy, I want to tell you, please get out of my sight,
I'm playin' quits now, right from this very night,
You've had your day, don't sit around and frown,
You've been a good old wagon, Daddy but you done broke down.

Now you'd better go the the blacksmith shop, and get yourself overhauled,
There's nothing about you to make a good woman fall,
Nobody wants a baby when a real man can be found,
You've been a good old wagon, Daddy but you done broke down.

When the sun is shinin', it's time to make hay,
Automobiles operate, you can't make your wagon pay,
When you were in your prime, you liked to run around,
You've been a good old wagon, Daddy but you done broke down.

There's no need to cry and make a big show,
This man knows more about lovin' than you will ever know,
He is the king of lovin, this man deserves a crown,
He is a good old wagon, Daddy and he ain't broke down.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: cait
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 02:15 PM

most any ol' thing sung by memphis minnie, blues with fem attitude, she was horny and made her way in a man's world with no apologies!

my hero... http://www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/Delta/2541/blmminni.htm

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST,Wavestar
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 02:24 PM

"The Scotsman" is always good, as is "That can't be" (I'll find words and post them if you can't find them.) Jimmy be Fair, also known by other various but similar titles. "Keep your Hands off Red-Haired Mary" is amusing, but from a male perspective, but "How Can I Keep my Maidenhead" is from a girl's point of view...

I'd also like to see the Toy Boys song...

-J

Subject: Lyr Add: HURRAH FOR TOYBOYS
From: lady penelope
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 02:26 PM

Here ye go Charley Noble, the tune's fairly standard for a shanty.

Hurrah For ToyBoys!
By Capriole

I went into a singles bar looking for romance
Hurrah for Toyboys let's have one over here
And there I saw a sweet young thing and thought I'd take a chance
Hurrah......

Chorus
Let's have one over here me girls
Let's have one over here
Hurrah for toyboys, let's have one over here

His eyes were blue his skin was soft and curly was his hair
Hurrah.....
His teeth were white his jeans were tight, he had a lovely pair
Hurrah.....

Chorus

He said he'd like an older girl to teach him all she knows
Hurrah......
And once you start a toyboy off he simply goes and goes
Hurrah.....

Chorus

A man is almost past his best when he is 17
Hurrah.....
But an older girl is better if you don't know where she's been
Hurrah.....

Chorus

I took him home right there and then to teach him all I knew
Hurrah...
And in my hands I quickly found his confidence just grew
Hurrah....

Chorus

I'm glad to say we both were pleased, I'm sure you understand
Hurrah......
Now I have trained this sweet young boy the girls can try the man!
Hurrah.....

Chorus........Yeah!

TTFN M'Lady P.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: Mr Red
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 07:11 PM

If we include blues what about "My Kitchen Man" I think was Bessie Smith and quite a few of Ma Rainey's repertoire. The one that springs to mind is probably called "Catch You with your britches down" about a philandering husband.
then there's the one that includes the line "You got the right key baby but the wrong keyhole". I'm sure there are those who can be more specific on these.
good luck

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST,Bruce O.
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 07:46 PM

"How can I keep my maidenhead" is in the Scarce Song 2 file on my website, with the proper tune (copies of 1709 and 1745). The tune was someplace published under the remarkable title, "How can I keep my maidenhead". {And it's not "The Berks of Abergeldie")

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: NightWing
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 10:47 PM

lady penelope,

To what tune do you sing Toyboys? I have a couple of friends who would LOVE to learn this one.

BB,
NightWing

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: RWilhelm
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 01:20 AM

My wife sings "Follow the Band" (in the database)

My husband's a mason, a mason, a mason
A very fine mason is he
All day he lays bricks, he lays bricks,
He lays bricks
And at night he comes home and drinks tea.

etc.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: Bert
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 01:38 AM

MMario me ol' china, downright crude works for me every time;-)

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: Snuffy
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 09:17 AM

Night Wing - try Hurrah me Yella Girls Doodle Let Me Go

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: Mr Red
Date: 21 Apr 01 - 06:25 AM

I found this looking for ear bags
http://www.traditionalmusic.co.uk/bawdy-songs/idxv14as.htm
now anyone know where Earbags UK hang out. (don't tell me right here please).

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: MMario
Date: 21 Apr 01 - 11:36 AM

that entire site, as far as I can tell- is a collection of cd's that has been lifted almost directly from the DT. Most of the listings are word for word the entries in the DT - and if the DT has no tune, the site has not tune.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST,Rex at work
Date: 23 Apr 01 - 07:40 AM

One not mentioned so far is "The Crafty Maid's Policy" otherwise known as "Horse Thief". A catchy tune and a clever story that starts out seeming to be bawdy.

Rex

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST,NancAurelia
Date: 23 Apr 01 - 01:29 PM

How about "The Lusty Young Smith" and "Roll Your Leg Over" both on the DT?

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST,Lisa
Date: 23 Apr 01 - 02:41 PM

Well, 'Maids when you're young' may not be all that bawdy but it certainly causes a stir, especially when sung to the older gentleman!

Subject: Lyr Add: MY HANDY MAN^^
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 01 May 01 - 08:13 PM

MY HANDY MAN
(Andy Razaf)

Whoever said a good man is hard to find,
Positively, absolutely, sure was blind.
I found the best man that ever was,
Here's just some of the things he does:

He shakes my ashes, greases my griddle,
Churns my butter, strokes my fiddle.
My man is such a handy man!

He threads my needle, creams my wheat,
Heats my heater, chops my meat.
My man is such a handy man!

Don't care if you believe or not,
He sure is good to have around.
Why, when my furnace gets too hot,
He's right there to turn my damper down!

For everything he's got a scheme.
You ought to see his new starter that he uses on my machine.
My man is such a handy man!

He flaps my flapjacks, cleans off the table,
He feeds the horses in my stable.
My man is such a handy man!

Sometimes he's up long before dawn,
Busy trimming the rough edges off my lawn.
Ooh, you can't get away from it! He's such a handy man!

Never has a single thing to say,
While he's working hard.
I wish that you could see the way
He handles my front yard!

My ice don't get a chance to melt away,
He sees that I get that old fresh piece every day.
Lord, that man sure is such a handy man!

[Recorded by Ethel Waters in 1928. A sequel to this song, "My Handy Man Ain't Handy No More," words by Andy Razaf, music by Eubie Blake, was composed for the show "Blackbirds of 1930." JTD]

Subject: Lyr Add: MY HANDY MAN AIN'T HANDY NO MORE
From: MMario
Date: 02 May 01 - 09:09 AM

the companion piece:

MY HANDY MAN AIN'T HANDY NO MORE
Words, Andy Razaf. Music, Eubie Blake.
"Introduced by Ethel Waters in Lew Leslie's Blackbirds of 1930"
New York: Shapiro, Bernstein & Co., 1930.

VERSE: Once I used to brag about my handy man,
But I ain't braggin' no more.
Somethin' strange has happened to my handy man.
He's not the man he was before.
Wish somebody could explain to me
About this dual personality.

CHORUS 1. He don't perform his duties like he used to do.
He never hauls the ashes 'less I tell him to.
Before he hardly gets to work he says he's through.
My handy man ain't handy no more.
The way he used to handle things was 'too bad, Jim.'
That man was so efficient, full of pep and vim.
Although' he looks the same, I know it isn't him.
My handy man ain't handy no more.
He's forgotten his domestic science,
And he's lost all of his self-reliance.
He won't make a single move unless he's told.
He says he isn't lazy, claims that he ain't old,
But still he sits around and lets my stove get cold.
My handy man ain't handy no more.

CHORUS 2. Time after time, if I'm not right there at his heels,
He lets that poor horse in my stable miss his meals.
There's got to be some changes 'cause each day reveals
My handy man ain't handy no more.
He used to turn in early and get up at dawn.
All full of new ambitions, he would trim the lawn.
Now, when he isn't sleeping all he does is yawn.
My handy man ain't handy no more.
Once he used to have so much endurance.
Now, it looks like he needs life insurance.
I used to brag about my handy man's technique.
Around the house he was a perfect indoor sheik,
But now the spirit's willing but the flesh is weak.
My handy man ain't handy no more.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST,Bruce O.
Date: 02 May 01 - 11:47 AM

Mr. Red, there was no volume of any the 4 editions of 'Pills' issued in 1715.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: Celtaddict
Date: 25 Jul 03 - 11:57 PM

DaisyA: 'The Widow and the Devil' aka 'The Widow's Promise' was written by Mick Ryan, who is still going strong. It sounds much older, the mark of an excellent traditional-style songwriter.
Mollificent: My dad had a 78rpm (remember those?) with the memorable line, "The Admiral's daughter is waiting by the water; she wants to ride his dinghy." Related to the song you quote?
Besides the fantastic Bessie Smith and Ma Rainey, there was a woman called Rusty Somebody who had a 40s LP called "Knockers Up."
There is also a great song by Janie Meneely the gist of which is that if a sailor has a girl in every port, it is because she has a guy on every ship. Do the math. It is on thread 0.7742 but I have not mastered the blicky for threads.
I know that birthday is long past but this topic needs more!

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 03:54 AM

Gleaned from the Rugby Thread

GET IT UP, GET IT IN
Melody - Bonanza Theme

Get it up, get it in, get it out don't mess my hair do
You've got a dick but you should lick, move that tongue around
Hit the spot, make me hot
I will scream out loud


Get it up, get it in, get it out don't mess my hair do
You've got a dick but you should lick, move that tongue
around Suck my toes, insert your hose
Make my juices flow


Get it up, get it in, get it out don't mess my hair do
You've got a dick but you should lick, move that tongue around
When I am done and I have cum
We'll start another round


Get it up, get it in, get it out don't mess my hair do
You've got a dick but you should lick, move that tongue around




THERE WAS AN OLD FARMER
Tune - Sweet Betsy from Pike - OR Sweet Violets


There was an old farmer who sat on a rock,
Shaking and waving his big hairy
Fist at the ladies next door in the Ritz,
Who taught the young girls to play with their
Kite strings and marbles and all things galore,
Along came a lady who looked like a
Decent young lady, but walked like a duck,
She thought she'd invented a new way to
Bring up the children, to sew and to knit,
The boys in the stable were shoveling
Litter and paper from yesterday's hunt,
And old farmer Potter was having some
Cake in the stables and singing this song,
And if you think it's dirty,
You're fucking well wrong!





Durex is a Girl's Best Friend
Tune: Diamonds Are Girl's Best Friend


To be screwed by a dude
Can be quite incidental
That's why Durex is a girl's best friend.
A poke with a bloke
Can be accidental,
So when he slips it in
Make sure it has that latex skin
When he lets fly non gets by,
Yes they all get caught up in the end.
This simple precaution
Can prevent abortions,
That why Durex is a girl's best friend.

Melody--Puff the Magic Dragon


Once a pure white virgin lived by the sea,
She frolicked o'er pastoral fields, her name Virginity,
A sweet young lass of just sixteen, a rosebud ripe and firm,
She wandered o'er the verdant hills, not knowing of the sperm.


Well, Fuck the giant penis lived not far away,
His cock was damn near two feet long; he poked one twice a day,
He was an Ivy Leaguer with vest and pinstriped suit,
He drove a roadster XKE, the sexed-up extrovert.


One day while he was reaming around the rural strips,
He spied her picking flowers there that lass with swinging hips,
He jumped out of the driver's seat and grabbed her by the ass,
He tore off all her clothing, and laid her in the grass.


Her maidenhead was busted, the ground ran bloodyred,
He poked her till the twilight came, then took her home to bed,
He poked her till the sun rose, she begged for more and more,
He turned that pure virginity into a God damned whore.


Sincerely,

Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: nutty
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 06:59 AM

How about ...THE FURZE FIELD

Its in the DT

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST,Ar
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 09:58 AM

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST,Puffenkinty
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 10:22 AM

There's a great song called "Twiddly Ay". It's
about the things sailors' women do when their
men are off to sea. It's on a Thirty-Nine Fingers cd.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: Sooz
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 11:36 AM

The song about the devil and the widow is called the Widows Promise and is by Mick Ryan. Always goes down well.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST,celtaddict at work
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 11:46 AM

Puffenkinty, that song is by Janie Maneely (sp?) who called it "Twiddles" and the lyrics are in a thread mentioned a few posts above, 0.7742, if you want the whole thing. Not yet in the DT but seems likely to get there; it is mentioned on a number of threads. I have heard it but have not seen it recorded. Do you have information about the recording? Is Thirty-Nine Fingers a group? A label? A title of a compilation CD? Or the songwriter's own album?

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: AggieD
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 03:05 PM

I rather like 'The Light Dragoon', which is sung by Mike Waterson/Eliza Carthy, & is full of double-entendre's. Eliza's version is slightly different to the one in the DT.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: Ely
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 06:25 PM

TWIDDLY-AYE (Jainie McNeely, as recorded by Ceilidh's Muse)

When the ships all get to sailing and the men are often gone,
What about the women who are up and left alone?
Do you think they sit and twiddle thumbs until the men come home?
There are other things to twiddle when a girl's left on her own.

Chorus:
And it's twiddly-aye-dee-aye-dee-aye, twiddly-ate-dee-ay,
Often times a man can leave you broken with dismay,
Twiddly-aye-dee-aye-dee-aye, twiddly-ate-dee-ay,
There's other things to twiddle when your man has gone away.

Sweet miss Nancy Johnson was as fair as any maid,
Her true love went a-voyaging, a sailor-man by trade,
"Keep the fires burning, love," those were the words he spoke,
So she found herself another man to keep the fires stoked.

I remember Nelly, she was young and she was gay,
She won the heart of Captain Dann until he went away,
He left her high and dry with but a kiss upon the chin,
But as his ship was sailing out, another ship sailed in.

Lucy Duncan's man came home and knocked upon her door,
She was as glad to see him as she'd ever been before,
He left her lying on the bed but Lucy didn't care,
For the fellow in the closet, too, could use a little air.

Now, you hear a lot of stories 'bout the sailor and his sport,
About how every lad has got a girl in every port,
Well, if you'll add up two and two, you'll figure out right quick,
It's just because a girl has got a lad on every ship.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: Ely
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 06:26 PM

Damn, that didn't work out like I wanted. Sorry. Well, the verses are four lines each . . .

line breaks in above message corrected-joeclone

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: Joe_F
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 06:47 PM

There was (and perhaps still is -- Google has nothing for it in the past few years) a group called the Bawdy Ladies (Anne Goodwin, Anabel Graetz, Linda Lombardi) who in 1986 put out a tape, on the Wild Rose label, called _The Bawdy Ladies' Book_. I have also heard them perform several times (once again, not recently) in the Boston area. They sing with zest and do not mince words. The tape contains:

Three Drunken Maidens
Christmas Goose
Johnny Be Fair
Eppie Morrie
Sorry the Day
Wife's Lament
Home Dearie Home
Malurous Qu'o Uno Femmo

Maids When You're Young
Nine Times a Night
Isabel and the English National Monuments
I Lay with an Old Man
Foolish, Incredibly Foolish
You Were Only Fucking While I Was Making Love
Kitchen Man
Man in the Moon [= Roll Your Leg Over, female version]

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: Ferrara
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 08:25 AM

I'm really happy to have the lyrics for Twiddley-Aye. Janie sings it sometimes at the Royal Mile Shanty Sing in Wheaton, MD. Here it is with the verses formatted a bit (I hope):

TWIDDLY-AYE (Jainie McNeely, as recorded by Ceilidh's Muse)

When the ships all get to sailing and the men are often gone,

What about the women who are up and left alone?

Do you think they sit and twiddle thumbs until the men come home?

There are other things to twiddle when a girl's left on her own.

Chorus:

And it's twiddly-aye-dee-aye-dee-aye, twiddly-ate-dee-ay,

Often times a man can leave you broken with dismay,

Twiddly-aye-dee-aye-dee-aye, twiddly-ate-dee-ay,

There's other things to twiddle when your man has gone away.

Sweet miss Nancy Johnson was as fair as any maid,

Her true love went a-voyaging, a sailor-man by trade,

"Keep the fires burning, love," those were the words he spoke,

So she found herself another man to keep the fires stoked.
(Chorus)

I remember Nelly, she was young and she was gay,

She won the heart of Captain Dann until he went away,

He left her high and dry with but a kiss upon the chin,

But as his ship was sailing out, another ship sailed in.
(Chorus)

Lucy Duncan's man came home and knocked upon her door,

She was as glad to see him as she'd ever been before,

He left her lying on the bed but Lucy didn't care,

For the fellow in the closet, too, could use a little air.
(Chorus)

Now, you hear a lot of stories 'bout the sailor and his sport,

About how every lad has got a girl in every port,

Well, if you'll add up two and two, you'll figure out right quick,

It's just because a girl has got a lad on every ship.
(Chorus)

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: Ferrara
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 08:26 AM

Nope. Didn't work quite right. I guess I'm not on Mudcat often enough these days to understand all the improvements Max has made....

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: Celtaddict
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 09:00 AM

Thanks, Rita, for her correct name. Has she a recording?

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: sharyn
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 11:58 AM

"Game of Cards" is quite nice. And Alison McMorland's version of "Cuckoo's Nest" is cute, with an experienced woman leading on a naive man:

I met him in the morning, I took him there at night:
He'd never been that way before, I had to keep him right.
He never would have found it, he never would have guessed
If I hadna shown him where to find the cuckoo's nest

etc.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST,Puffenkinty
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 01:49 PM

Thanks to everyone who printed lyrics
to "Twiddly Ay." I loaned my Thirty-nine
Fingers cd (where I first heard it)to someone and haven't
gotten it back so I couldn't remember all the words.
For the person who inquired: Thirty-nine Fingers is a group
that plays primarily in Virginia, especially the
Richmond area. The name of the cd with "Twiddly Ay" is "Hands
Down." The group is called Thirty-nine Fingers because
one of their members had an unfortunate encounter with
a circular saw.... Their lead vocalist is Kelly Kennedy
who also has a solo album called "Springfield Mountain."

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST,celtaddict at work
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 04:15 PM

Does anyone have a contact for Ceilidh's Muse? I have run across references to their work before, and heard a wonderful song by them on a festival compilation tape from Houston, which gave no information whatsoever.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 28 Jul 03 - 03:09 AM

John Anderson reminded of an older thread Love Songs for Married Folks with some bawdy songs, indeed.

Wilfried

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 28 Jul 03 - 05:44 AM

What about Ron Shuttleworth's wonderful parody of "Jim the Carter Lad", "Joan the Leather Queen."

And I think that "We never mention Aunt Clara" probably counts as well.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST,Arkie
Date: 28 Jul 03 - 09:58 PM

"I'm Selling My Porkchops and Giving The Gravy Away" by Memphis Minnie, I think.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: fogie
Date: 29 Jul 03 - 04:18 AM

There's a funny song called The randy old parson - I havent looked in DT its about a parson who makes advances to a farmers daughter, who entices him up to her room saying her parents are away, then, when he's in the altogether she screams out "father com quick here is a burglar come for to murder us all" Father appears with a shotgun and parson dissappears out of the window sans clothes, they then rifle his pockets and find gold, and he has to go back naked to his nagging old wife who evermore made him wish he was dead!

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: rich-joy
Date: 29 Jul 03 - 08:20 AM

I was going to mention the LP entitled "The Bird in the Bush" (A.L.Lloyd + Frankie Armstrong + Anne Briggs :Topic, 1966) and Ewan MacColl & Peggy Seeger's two LPs, "The Amorous Muse" and "The Wanton Muse" (Argo,1968).
Though this is probably a bit Thread Drifty, coz they're more "traditional erotic" rather than "bawdy". Good but!

Cheers! R-J

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST,Bold Reynard
Date: 29 Jul 03 - 03:27 PM

Robert Burns' "Nine Inch Will Please a Lady" is in the DT. Jean Redpath sings a fine version on one of her Burns CDs.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: CraigS
Date: 29 Jul 03 - 06:34 PM

The Bonnie Black Hare deserves a mention - as does the Kippers' "Cricket" song.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: MorwenEdhelwen1
Date: 21 Apr 11 - 09:59 PM

Well I am a seventeen year-old girl and one of my favourite bawdy songs is "My Donkey Wants Water" or "Hold Him Joe". But the OP might not consider it because it is not, strictly, a "women's song".

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Jun 11 - 04:33 PM

you were only fucking while i was making love ,
looking for lyriks

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: Joe_F
Date: 14 Jun 11 - 08:04 PM

Guest: I can type it out from the Bawdy Ladies Book, or copy that tape for you, as you prefer.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: Joe Offer
Date: 15 Jun 11 - 01:55 AM

Joe, I'm surprised it hasn't been posted here. If you can type it up from the Bawdy Ladies Book and post it here in this thread, that would be very nice. I don't have time to type it up now because I'm helping the electrician rewire our house (and I'm working on stuff for Vacation Bible School), so I'm hoping you can do it.

The songwriter was Debby McClatchy, my neighbor and longtime kitchen boss. Debby's Website lists the song as "You Were Only F-bleep-g, While I Was Making Love." I've sometimes heard her express regret for having written and recorded that song, although she still sings it sometimes. Lots of people like the song, but some people won't buy the album and some radio stations won't play the album because of "that song." In the picture on the album cover, Debby looks very young, sweet and innocent...and very pretty. Who woulda thunk somebody like that would have recorded THAT song?

Guest, I'm sure Debby won't mind if I send you an MP3. Just send me an e-mail if you want it.

Debby asked me to do the tech work for her on a "greatest hits" album. I can guarantee that Debby will ensure that "You Were Only Fucking" will NOT be on the album, even though it truly is one of her most popular songs.

I'd like her to put her three Robert W. Service songs on the album, but she thinks their popularity is limited and that such long songs don't work on a "greatest hits" album. I think she's right, but they're MY favorites (Sam McGee, Dan McGrew, and Blasphemous Bill).


-Joe-
[e-mail]

Subject: ADD:You Were Only Fucking, While I Was Making Love
From: Joe Offer
Date: 15 Jun 11 - 04:32 AM

Oh, WTF, I should be doing the Vacation Bible School stuff, but why not?.....

YOU WERE ONLY FUCKING, WHILE I WAS MAKING LOVE
(Debby McClatchy)

You called me sugar plum that night, down by the railroad track,
You ran your fingers through my hair, and up and down my back;
You called me sweets, you called me dear, you called me turtle dove;
But you were only fucking, while I was making love.

[terrific violin solo break, then mandolin]

I did not know you loved me so, we only just had met;
But when you held me in your arms, it seemed an even bet.
I was not sure, but even so, I let you put it in;
But while I was making love, you were only fucking.

[inspiring piano solo, and then maybe a muted trumpet]

Oh, now you've gone away for good and left me all alone;
Except for little Lula Belle and her twin brother Jones;
Have fun along the road of life, 'cause Jesus up above
Knows that you were only fucking, while I was making love.
Knows that you were only fucking, while I was making love.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: Diva
Date: 15 Jun 11 - 03:31 PM

Anything from the Merry Muses....Burn's collection of Bawdy songs....Nine Inch will please a lady, Wha'll Mow me noo, Ode to Spring......theres plenty there to choose from.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 15 Jun 11 - 04:09 PM

Shave 'Em Dry

Four Whores of Baltimore

Not the Way to Get Laid Leslie Fish

Sleeping Scotsman

Nine Times a Night

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: GUEST,Bilby
Date: 27 Jul 11 - 05:36 PM

Nell Carter used to sing a song ostensibly about a used furniture store: " If I can't sell, I'm gonna sit down on it. I ain't about to give it away!"

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: Joe_F
Date: 27 Jul 11 - 06:01 PM

Bilby: That's a blues, and it goes way back. I have an LP that reproduces a recording from 1936. That, and mention of Bessie Smith, recall the fact that the dirty-blues tradition, tho mainly a male province, includes a fair number of songs from the point of view of, and sung by, women.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: Joybell
Date: 27 Jul 11 - 08:39 PM

Ma Rainey's "My Man's a Deep-sea Diver" is a good one.
Also I don't think anybody's mentioned "The Blacksmith" yet. With a jingle-bang-jingle. My all-time favourite.
Cheers, Joy who's known for running song-circles called "Naughty Songs for Nice ladies".

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: Genie
Date: 27 Jul 11 - 10:56 PM

It seems there are lots of "bawdy" songs for women to sing, and many (if not most) audiences can enjoy hearing them. But one type of song that doesn't seem to work as comedy nearly as well when sung by a woman, as when sung by a man, is the sort like "I Don't Look Good Naked Anymore" or "I Wish They'd Do It Now."

Maybe I'm wrong - and I hope I am - but it doesn't seem like the 'joke' in songs like this works well for women singers.   

Can anyone think of a song like this, basically lamenting the loss of youth and vigor and beauty or the lack of "getting any," that is done by women and gets the same kind of positive reaction as the male counterpoints do?

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: Joybell
Date: 31 Jul 11 - 08:08 PM

That's a really interesting thought, Genie. I can't think of any either.
Got me thinking though about my own relationship to some songs. When I first sang songs like, "Maids when you're Young..." I was 20 years old. Now I'm giving the advice from a far-off 66. It's the same for "Come all ye Fair and Tender Ladies." and lots more. Actually struck me about 10 years ago in the middle of "Old Maid in the Garret". I came to "...now I'm forty-five and I've never had an offer" I thought -- Wasn't I 25, and 45 seemed far away, just the other day? Lucky I have my True-love with me still.
Sorry -- I'm wandering.
I'll think about your idea and see if any song comes to mind.
Cheers, Grandma

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: Joe_F
Date: 31 Jul 11 - 08:55 PM

I do not know how much the situation may have improved, but in the milieu of my youth (U.S., middle class, 1950s) it would have been unreasonable to expect such songs. Women's self-esteem was expected, far more than men's, to depend on their being young. It would have been in dreadful taste to make fun of their aging, as one could of men's. Even to mention it was a faux pas. (One time, about 1957, I was given the task of writing a note to a lady to accompany a gift to her from a group of students, and I made the mistake of calling her "an old friend". I was ordered, with violently raised eyebrows, to get rid of that word.) Middle-aged women were expected to lie about their age as much as they could get away with, and it was ungallant, even for reference books, to contradict them.

The emotional burden placed on women by that vile convention is well described in Stan Rogers's wonderful song "Lies", wherein, at length, love contrives to overcome it.

Subject: RE: Bawdy songs for women to sing
From: PHJim
Date: 31 Jul 11 - 11:55 PM

Mike Cross's song about The Scotsman