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Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern

JenEllen 19 Apr 01 - 06:52 PM
Mr Red 19 Apr 01 - 07:01 PM
Amergin 19 Apr 01 - 07:07 PM
Matt_R 19 Apr 01 - 07:31 PM
GUEST,alison 19 Apr 01 - 08:27 PM
kendall 19 Apr 01 - 08:36 PM
DougR 19 Apr 01 - 08:41 PM
DougR 19 Apr 01 - 08:42 PM
Peg 19 Apr 01 - 08:44 PM
Jock Morris 19 Apr 01 - 08:48 PM
Peg 19 Apr 01 - 08:50 PM
JenEllen 19 Apr 01 - 10:01 PM
Peg 19 Apr 01 - 10:15 PM
Homeless 19 Apr 01 - 10:32 PM
JenEllen 19 Apr 01 - 10:36 PM
Matt_R 19 Apr 01 - 10:36 PM
JenEllen 19 Apr 01 - 10:39 PM
Amergin 19 Apr 01 - 10:51 PM
Homeless 19 Apr 01 - 10:53 PM
catspaw49 19 Apr 01 - 11:01 PM
Sorcha 19 Apr 01 - 11:02 PM
Homeless 19 Apr 01 - 11:10 PM
kendall 19 Apr 01 - 11:13 PM
catspaw49 19 Apr 01 - 11:19 PM
Peg 19 Apr 01 - 11:26 PM
Amergin 19 Apr 01 - 11:33 PM
Matt_R 19 Apr 01 - 11:43 PM
catspaw49 20 Apr 01 - 12:06 AM
Jon Freeman 20 Apr 01 - 12:08 AM
rangeroger 20 Apr 01 - 12:12 AM
Matt_R 20 Apr 01 - 12:15 AM
Bert 20 Apr 01 - 12:39 AM
Troll 20 Apr 01 - 12:53 AM
JenEllen 20 Apr 01 - 01:21 AM
Bert 20 Apr 01 - 01:35 AM
Bert 20 Apr 01 - 01:39 AM
catspaw49 20 Apr 01 - 01:48 AM
Bert 20 Apr 01 - 01:53 AM
GUEST,Roger the skiffler 20 Apr 01 - 04:34 AM
UB Ed 20 Apr 01 - 09:22 AM
catspaw49 20 Apr 01 - 09:56 AM
gnu 20 Apr 01 - 10:15 AM
Gervase 20 Apr 01 - 10:20 AM
GUEST,Roger the skiffler 20 Apr 01 - 10:23 AM
wysiwyg 20 Apr 01 - 11:29 AM
catspaw49 20 Apr 01 - 11:37 AM
MMario 20 Apr 01 - 11:44 AM
kendall 20 Apr 01 - 12:20 PM
catspaw49 20 Apr 01 - 12:29 PM
Kim C 20 Apr 01 - 12:38 PM
Morticia 20 Apr 01 - 03:23 PM
mousethief 20 Apr 01 - 03:25 PM
kendall 20 Apr 01 - 04:13 PM
Hawker 20 Apr 01 - 04:44 PM
Bert 20 Apr 01 - 04:44 PM
Peter T. 20 Apr 01 - 04:47 PM
mousethief 20 Apr 01 - 04:50 PM
Morticia 20 Apr 01 - 05:02 PM
DougR 20 Apr 01 - 05:50 PM
Clinton Hammond 20 Apr 01 - 06:01 PM
mousethief 20 Apr 01 - 06:03 PM
Morticia 20 Apr 01 - 06:07 PM
mousethief 20 Apr 01 - 06:09 PM
catspaw49 20 Apr 01 - 07:12 PM
Peter K (Fionn) 20 Apr 01 - 07:28 PM
kendall 20 Apr 01 - 07:33 PM
CarolC 20 Apr 01 - 07:53 PM
gnu 20 Apr 01 - 08:10 PM
gnu 20 Apr 01 - 08:12 PM
flattop 20 Apr 01 - 08:32 PM
Caitrin 20 Apr 01 - 08:40 PM
Troll 20 Apr 01 - 11:36 PM
mousethief 21 Apr 01 - 12:32 AM
GUEST,#1 21 Apr 01 - 12:58 AM
JenEllen 21 Apr 01 - 01:32 AM
DougR 21 Apr 01 - 02:20 AM
Liz the Squeak 21 Apr 01 - 03:43 AM
Amergin 21 Apr 01 - 04:48 AM
Gervase 21 Apr 01 - 06:32 AM
Big Mick 21 Apr 01 - 08:04 AM
Peter T. 21 Apr 01 - 09:12 AM
Caitrin 21 Apr 01 - 12:35 PM
Troll 21 Apr 01 - 01:41 PM
Liz the Squeak 21 Apr 01 - 02:30 PM
JenEllen 21 Apr 01 - 03:46 PM
catspaw49 21 Apr 01 - 04:05 PM
Peter T. 21 Apr 01 - 04:18 PM
gnu 21 Apr 01 - 06:51 PM
Big Mick 21 Apr 01 - 07:17 PM
JenEllen 21 Apr 01 - 11:57 PM
wysiwyg 22 Apr 01 - 01:17 AM
DougR 22 Apr 01 - 02:35 AM
alison 22 Apr 01 - 02:49 AM
Bert 22 Apr 01 - 03:30 AM
Micca 22 Apr 01 - 05:24 AM
JenEllen 22 Apr 01 - 03:43 PM
Peter T. 22 Apr 01 - 04:53 PM
JenEllen 22 Apr 01 - 09:36 PM
Matt_R 22 Apr 01 - 09:43 PM
Big Mick 22 Apr 01 - 10:14 PM
Sorcha 22 Apr 01 - 10:18 PM
wysiwyg 22 Apr 01 - 10:21 PM
Matt_R 22 Apr 01 - 10:23 PM
Amos 23 Apr 01 - 12:12 AM
Lonesome EJ 23 Apr 01 - 12:30 AM
Matt_R 23 Apr 01 - 12:45 AM
JenEllen 23 Apr 01 - 10:25 AM
Caitrin 23 Apr 01 - 10:35 AM
MMario 23 Apr 01 - 10:46 AM
Peter T. 23 Apr 01 - 11:41 AM
Peter T. 23 Apr 01 - 05:43 PM
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Subject: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: JenEllen
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 06:52 PM

A weary traveller once again succumbs to the Kierkegaardian 'Anfectung', and by opening the door to the tavern, makes herself a particular in the universal. The tavern sits fairly empty for the time being. The setting sun's rays through the float-glass tavern window give the dust motes a kalidescope to dance in. She feels a familiarity in the warm wood of the floor and bar that have supported many 'Catters, and with the the walls that contained friendship and love.

The other areas of Mudcatville can have their anger and contention for the time being, but not this place. Let all the "Guests" and travelers who come here come to know the good of all involved.

As the tavern fills, the young woman grabs her drink and kneels upon her barstool.
"Thank you, barkeep. Now, seeing that everyone has been so eager to point out what's wrong with all of us, I'd like to take a moment to tell you all what is right, so that our future guests don't find us a bunch of finger-pointing jackasses... The toasting is certainly NOT all-inclusive, and in no particular order I raise my glass to:

Amos: Who can laugh in the face of a cantankerous red-head. He's probably the bravest man here.
Morty: Who is the only woman I'd ever want to wait with while our husbands posted bail.
Spaw: Who is personally responsible for at least a load or urine-soaked laundry a week for all the times I wet myself laughing.
Bonnie: Who is constantly an inspiration, and even made me learn about (gasp) banjos.
PeterT: Who never ceases to amaze, and oh yeah, can swing a sock full of manure like nobody's business.
Bert: Who gives at least one song a week that brings a smile to my face.
Alison: Who had the bad sense to convince a bunch of strangers to get nekkid...

(take it away 'Catters....)


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Mr Red
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 07:01 PM

What about the inevitable pub Moggy
the four legged catter - before the ale flows that is?
what is its gender? name? rank? serial number?
what kinda cider have they got here?


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Amergin
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 07:07 PM

Well, let me see there are so many.....

Katdarling, BonnieBanjoPhyte, Moonchild (where is she?), Susan (Wysiwig), Scorcher, and many others for just being my friends and for giving me much needed support and helping me through some hard times......

Aine, for helping me write again and more often with those Challenges of hers and for giving me an excuse to show it off with that songbook....

Mollificent, for giving me one more person to pick on....

Jiggles (alison), for not beating me over head with that tongue of hers.....

and the list goes on....


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Matt_R
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 07:31 PM

Nathan, just be glad Kenneth the orange monster didn't try to kill you with his tongue...


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: GUEST,alison
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 08:27 PM

and God knows you've deserved it Sex-god (Amergin)... for your comments about my pic.....lol

make mine a diet coke barkeep......... thanks

after all the fighting in the threads recently.. this is a pleasant change.... good job JenEllan

slainte

alison


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: kendall
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 08:36 PM

You might not know it from some of my comments in the threads, but, I'm actually a lover, not a fighter. A double screwdriver if you please.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: DougR
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 08:41 PM

I would describe you, Kendall, as a liberal lover. :>) DougR


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: DougR
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 08:42 PM

Oh, and barkeep, I don't like to see Kendall drink alone. I'll have a black and tan please.

DougR


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Peg
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 08:44 PM

some absinthe for a bitter old strumpet, thanks...


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Jock Morris
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 08:48 PM

Large measure of single malt please,

Ta muchly

Scott


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Peg
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 08:50 PM

hey, I thought you went to bed!

A Lagavulin for the Morris danceer...


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: JenEllen
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 10:01 PM

..the list DOES go on...To:

Amergin: Who shares his gift of expression in words.
Homeless: Who shares his blossoming gifts in pictures.
ALL of the Susans: Who share warm fuzzies, fuzzie jammies, and jam sessions with open hearts.

And another for Bert's tab (bless'em)


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Peg
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 10:15 PM

Jen Ellen: for starting this thread!

Aine: for always being at the ready for anyone with Gaelic-related questions.

Micca: for consistent naughtiness.

Kendall: for being a voice of reason and oft-needed curmudgeonliness.

PeterT: for lovely poetic writings...

Homeless: for equal mixture of poignancy and humor in most of his posts.

InOBU: who seems to care about making a difference in the world through his music.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Homeless
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 10:32 PM

To Max, for giving us a place.
To all the Joe Clones (including Himself), for all the magic behind the curtains.
To MMario, for his whipcracking at getting tunes for the songs.
And to Sorcha, for all those she has done.
To Jon Freeman (and others), for getting and keeping (HearMe and) PalTalk going.
To Rick Fielding, for sharing his great amounts of guitar knowledge, with a good dose of humor mixed in.
To Clinton Hammond, for the balance he brings with his cynical but non-malicious attitude.
To the brave souls who sent alison pictures, for being willing to bare (almost) all for a good cause.
And I believe I'll have a cider for this.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: JenEllen
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 10:36 PM

....See, it isn't so hard is it? *beseg* Dump that absinthe down the drain and put your strumpet back in it's case...

For Micca? Naughtiness doesn't even begin to cover it. Your sides will ache. Thank goodness we have Morty to keep him in line, no... wait...then why are we waiting for bail money??

And Kendall? There's never been a better rocking-chair warmer born to this earth.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Matt_R
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 10:36 PM

I'm saying a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: JenEllen
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 10:39 PM

just WHO has Sorcha done??? inquiring minds...LOL


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Amergin
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 10:51 PM

a gentleman never tells....


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Homeless
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 10:53 PM

For all the TUNES! TUNES she had done. I mean entered. She was a rider on MMario's. No, wait, that didn't sound right either. I mean... Aw, the heck with it. I'll toast to her anyway, for no apparent reason.

Salud


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: catspaw49
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 11:01 PM

Well Holy Shite.........Here I thought this was a tavern and it seems to be some kind of prayer mosque where we can all give thanks or something.................hhmmmmm...........ohwellwhatthefuck.....................

I want to give thanks to gnu....A new (gnu) member and a seemingly pleasant soul who has now provided me with a new (gnu) beverage to request............Turkey Turd Beer!!! He mentioned it in another thread as being quite cheap, but I can't figure how collecting the quantities of gobbler shit needed to brew the stuff can be cheaper than obtaining a comparable amount of hops. I'm not positive, but I think Budweiser has probably already figured this out. Anyway......Let's have round of Turkey Turd Beer on Bert and in honor of gnu. If it's worse than Bud, we can all try our hand at making "Gnu Nuts Vodka."

Spaw


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Sorcha
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 11:02 PM

Well, thank you there, Homeless, anyway I think so.......we'd best not let Mr. see this one, lol!

I'll raise a glass to all above and to
spaw, for always being irreverant
To Cleigh O'Possum, just for being sweet
To Reg and the Boyz for providing "entertainment"
To Big Mick, for his big heart
To Rick Fielding for his incredible knowledge.....and many, many others


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Homeless
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 11:10 PM

Oh yeah - and to LEJ, for giving Spaw his LEDs so I know when to stay FAR away from him.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: kendall
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 11:13 PM

Knock it off Peg. If you are old, I'm extinct! Doug, I'd drink with you any day. (Or almost anyone else come to think of it)


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: catspaw49
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 11:19 PM

I knew there was something that stank about you Kendall, but it's unfair to blame it on your Ex.......unless of course she stole your deodorant or something....................Belly up to the bar here and I'll buy you a Turkey Turd Beer to go with your Moose Turd Pie. I see you're wearing that plaid skirt again. Wouldja' mind standing over there? Don't want anyone thinkin' you're my date..............

Spaw


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Peg
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 11:26 PM

If this is a shite-free tavern, I am betting they don't serve Bud, Coors, Heineken or Miller...or anything with the appellation of "lite."


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Amergin
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 11:33 PM

Actually i thought we were only allowed to shit outside.....


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Matt_R
Date: 19 Apr 01 - 11:43 PM

Technically, it's "shite"...so it's a UK-style establishment.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 12:06 AM

Yeah but the e is silent like in an SBD.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 12:08 AM

I wander into this new look tavern and join in with the toastings that have been going on. I then realise that more toasting is neccessary and go to the bar and fill everyones glasses and ask them to drink to:

Dick Greenhaus, Susan of DT, Malcolm Douglas, Bruce O, JustAPicker, Mooh, MTed, to everyone who makes and has made contributions great or small to increase the wealth of knowledge in music that is contained in the forum.

Jon


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: rangeroger
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 12:12 AM

No Heinekens? What kind of place is this? Guess I'll have a pint of the vile black stuff and a tumbler of that fine single malt.

Then I'll raise them both to all the fine members of the Mudcat that I have associated with for over a year and dearly love.

And Spaw, could I have a taste of that Turkey Turd beer and a slice of Moose Turd Pie?

rr


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Matt_R
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 12:15 AM

Just keep yer hands off my Torpedo Oil!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Bert
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 12:39 AM

Oh Wow! The problem with mentioning people by name here is that you have to leave so many people out. So I have this tendency to only mention people when I'm teasing them.

That aside, I feel highly flattered that Jen Ellen even knows that I exist.

I do though want to mention Matt_R, I think he's a great guy. I wish my daughter could find someone as caring and loving as he is.

And Bruce O. You've just gotta love a guy who has guts enough to post a song about 'Plowing Vulvas'

I'm gonna stop right here. Just take a look at ALL of the Mudcat members and posters - I love the whole damned lot of ya.

Bert.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Troll
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 12:53 AM

A tall glass of Diet Coke, my good host......thankee.
Heres to our noble selves. There are so few of us left!
Kendall, Doug, you got space for me over there?

troll


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: JenEllen
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 01:21 AM

Mudcat Temple? That's a laugh! More likely just taking the opportunity to be nice instead of grabbing the first blunt instrument and aiming for your head. We're all quite capable of doing THAT.

Yup, Darlin'Bert, you exhist all right. Who else would light a fire under my arse to learn a new song a week?? So for a change I'LL buy YOU a drink and you can listen to this week's gem...deal??

Just sitting here, with you
Drinking beer, and listening to
The radio, telling our secrets
I'm just sitting here, with you.

Just sitting here, dangling our feet
You're singing along, just a little off-key
But I won't tell you different
I'm just sitting here, with you.

Just sitting here, on the end of the dock
Too much sun and not enough sunblock
But I won't mind the sunburn
I'm just sitting here, with you.

I called in sick and so did you
What did they expect us to do
The sun's so high, the sky's so blue above
It's just a day for

Sitting here, watching the fish swim slowly by
Oh how I wish they'd bite my line
Well, pass me another beer
I'm just sitting here, with you.

~Miss Conduct


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Bert
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 01:35 AM

WOW!!! That's a winner JenEllen, You just sing that for us and send it along to Mudcat Radio. (Bert@mudcat.org)
Absolutely bloody wonderful!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Bert
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 01:39 AM

Actually, I HATE IT! when people write better songs than I do... Grrrr.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 01:48 AM

Aw hell Bert, have a glass of Turkey Turd.........Its pretty filling and it tastes like crap, but maybe it'll be an inspiration to you!!!

Spaw


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Bert
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 01:53 AM

Yeah Spaw, I'll do that. It was a compliment actually but I just dont want to admit it.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 04:34 AM

I'll raise a glass of Metaxa 3-star to all of you for adding to my knowledge of things folkie, for reminding me of songs I'd forgotten, for giving me some new jokes and for being so tolerant of my musical ignorance!
RtS


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: UB Ed
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 09:22 AM

Thanks, JenEllen


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 09:56 AM

Skiff, we're dropping the Metaxa here, but I will assure you we will keep a personal supply for you at the NYCFTTS. However, like here, Turkey Turd Beer will be the staple drink as its more filling and tastes like shit.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: gnu
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 10:15 AM

A toast to my ignorance, for if I had not come to this wonderful place seeking knowledge, I would have never known the value of its patrons. Thank you, one and all !

gnu


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Gervase
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 10:20 AM

I'll second the "no lite beers" edict - reminds me of water with a slight yeast infection. Yuk!
The perfect pub would have the full range of Adnams beers and Wadworth's 6X for those evenings when you don't have to worry about firing on all cylinders the next day.
I'm quite partial to a large Black Bush as well - but maybe that's the reason my ex is now my ex!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 10:23 AM

Thanks, 'Spaw. As always, you have my best welfare at heart. I'l get back to those bedpans in a minute!
RtS


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: wysiwyg
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 11:29 AM

A toast to my friends. You know who you are, and you know why.

A toast to my mentors. You know who you are, for I have thanked you before. Maybe you don't know how far your help spreads out through my world.

A toast to anyone I have helped in any way. You know who you are, for I have told you often that it was YOU who were so smart.

A toast to anyone I have harmed in any way. You know who you are, for I have often not apologized or made it right. I will try harder to listen.

A toast to my enemies. You know who you are, for you know your own heart. I have had to learn much from our time together, and I would hope the same is true for you.

A toast to new Mudcatters. You know who you are. You are a constant stream of delightful peers.

A toast to lurking Mudcatters. You know who you are! But we don't!

A toast to Mudcat visitors. You know who you are. God help you land in a decent thread your first time here!

A toast to the people who have come asking support and gotten it. You know who you are.

A toast to the people who have supported one another. You probably DON'T know who you are, but the rest of us do.

A TOAST TO MAX and all the merry elves. You know who you are. A look at the site on any given day shows why.

In sum, a toast TO ALL PEOPLE who KNOW WHO THEY ARE... and who let us see them that way most of the time!

~S~

PS, Sugar Dog doen't toast, she just takes up lap space where it's warranted. And I am sure that if there is a Sugar Dog in your lap you are well aware of it!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 11:37 AM

Well now that Wizzywig has brought all that toast, has anyone got some Vegemite? Goes great on toast and you can rinse it down with a stein of Turkey Turd Beer, "More Filling and Tastes Like Crap."

Spaw


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: MMario
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 11:44 AM

all that toast flying around, someone better crank up a breadmaker or two. (I'd make some by hand, but the atmosphere just isn't hostile enough to knead properly)


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: kendall
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 12:20 PM

Trying to think of something nice to say to you all reminds me of this old bastard back home. Abner Larrabee was the most miserable cantankerous no good S.O.B. that ever walked. His relatives all disowned him and he had no friends at all. He died, and at the funeral service, the pastor was sweating buckshot trying to think of something good to say about the old goat. Finally, he got an idea. He stood up and announced that he really didn't know the deceased very well, and that he would like to have each one in the church to come up and say a few words in memory of Mr.Larrabee. Then, he sat down and waited. No one stood up. The silence was deafening, then, people started to squirm, and, cough, and fidget in the pews. Finally, one of his neighbors, unable to stand the discomfort any longer, stood up and said "His brother was worse."


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 12:29 PM

Do you have a brother Kendall?

Spaw (just anticipatin', ya' know)


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Kim C
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 12:38 PM

Cheers to all of you.

Jameson's, please. :-)

KFC


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Morticia
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 03:23 PM

Hey,Jen!! Where have you been hiding? Good to see you again, girl ( now where's that nail file you usually keep squirelled away to pick locks with and we'll be out of here in no time.....there's no use waiting for Mike and Steve to post bail, they are off comparing guitars and beer, may not see 'em for a month).I'll take a pint of whatver beer doesn't have lite appended to it and gladly raise a toast to :
Jenellen....as mad a wench as you could hope to meet but good to have behind you in a fight ( what am I saying! Good to have in front of you in a fight!)
Catspaw.....for regular nasal irrigation, which I believe is becoming addictive
Katlaughing....flaky but dear to me *BG*
Micca and LIz the Squeak and Gervase....who have carried my lifeless form home from the pub on many a occasion ( thanks, lads)
Peter T....who just leaves me in constant awe at his writing skills and wisdom
Bert....for always adding just a little common sense and warmth in to any post
Amergin.....for occasionally removing his tongue from it's usual resting place in his cheek
Roger the Skiffler...another regular nasal irrigator ( as opposed to navigator) and in recognition of his sterling qualities in the bed pan department
The mad Brit contingent, especially Jane and Geoff who are organising the next All Comers Freestyle Folk Gathering and Rhubarb Thrashing Competition....may the Jug forgive you *BG*
There are loads and loads more, but I will just draw breath and sup me pint for a short while while I gather my thoughts.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: mousethief
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 03:25 PM

I'm quite partial to a large Black Bush as well - but maybe that's the reason my ex is now my ex!

Let me guess -- your ex is a redhead?

Alex (bad mouse! bad mouse!)


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: kendall
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 04:13 PM

Alex, you read my mind!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Hawker
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 04:44 PM

I raise my Merlot to you all, good wine, good music, good crack, good advice, good god! my glass is empty! Oh! and cheers to BT for re-connecting my telephone line - it took them 2 weeks to move it 3 doors down the road! Ho Hum! and I bet ya didn't even miss me! (shows how often I buy a round! LOL) Lucy


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Bert
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 04:44 PM

Shite-Free Beer


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Peter T.
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 04:47 PM

A low-slung, high-strung figure, in a strangely familiar raincoat, and wearing an Ivan Karamazov face mask, enters the tavern, casts a glance at the figure of JenEllen at the bar, turns, stops, turns back, stops, talks to himself for a few moments, and then sits very gingerly on the 4th bar stool from her. He then rises very quickly, removes the ginger cat, and settles back down again.

"Innkeeper!" he whispers imperiously in a faltering voice. "I too have those I would celebrate. Shandies for all!!"

LEEJ looks at him suspiciously for a moment, shakes his head, and goes over to the pumps.

"First, I would toast Kierkegaard, who turned his inability to say yes to his long-suffering girlfriend into the no to the religio-ethical attempt to capture God by thought, not unlike the moment when the Coyote speeds off the cliff and the law of gravity does not work until he notices that he is out over the abyss;

Next, to Paul Cezanne, who had stones thrown at him by small children as he wandered the hills about Aix-en-Provence, and revenged himself by changing the way people look at stones, and the way stones look at people;

Third, Ray Bolger, just because;

Fourth, Tiger Woods' mother, God help her!!"

He took a deep breath, which considering his lungs had collapsed, wasn't impressive --
"Fifth, the beauteous JenEllen, for whom, er, for which, er, forinasmuch as --"

At this point, the figure fled in terror out into the night, though it was only 2:30 in the afternoon.

The ginger cat returned to its perch. LEJ poured some of a shandy into a bowl, and the revelry continued.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: mousethief
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 04:50 PM

400,000 English majors on the web on a given day...


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Morticia
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 05:02 PM

didn't realise we had so many British army officers on the web, you learn something everyday!*BG*


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: DougR
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 05:50 PM

You bet Troll, let's sandwich Kendall in between us and maybe we can reconvert him to conservatism!

DougR


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 06:01 PM

Homeless... ta very much... "non-malicious" sums it up quite nicely...

To absolutely each and every one of you! (us, I guess) Gods guard, gods bless!!!

This round's on me just fer the hell of it! But you better like Guiness and Tullamore Dew! LOL!!

Wassail!

;-)


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: mousethief
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 06:03 PM

I've tried Guinness. It tastes a lot like beer, which I loathe.

What's Tullamore Dew?

Alex


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Morticia
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 06:07 PM

It's irish whisky, Alex


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: mousethief
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 06:09 PM

Oh. That stuff hurts. Can't we stick with Scotch?


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 07:12 PM

I heartily recommend the Turkey Turd MT........

Spaw


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Peter K (Fionn)
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 07:28 PM

And when the beer's all gone, there's still that inextinguishable spirit....Little Hawk.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: kendall
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 07:33 PM

Would you believe that I was once a Barry Goldwater republican? I still am a fiscal conservative, never spend money you dont have, for things you dont need, to impress people you dont even like, I always say. Why is it that that the more screwdrivers you have, the less screwing you can do?


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: CarolC
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 07:53 PM

It's not how many you got, kendall, it's how long they are. I used to know a guy who had a three foot long screwdriver. I don't know him any more. He scares me.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: gnu
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 08:10 PM

Screwdrivers ? Vodka ? I would have thought that an old rum runner like you would order a drink befitting a seaman. Bring this man an amber on Alfred. Put it on my tab.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: gnu
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 08:12 PM

BY Alfred. I've been having a chat with Alfred and seem to have gotten engrossed in the "conversation".


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: flattop
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 08:32 PM

Let's raise a glass to Reg and the Boyz for tonight's Neil Young wanabe act, especially their song about being thankful even though 'the dog's got pinworms and the dog keep licking his arse, and the baby keeps playing with his daiper, it's not the plague, it could be worse of course.'


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Caitrin
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 08:40 PM

*smiles* Once again, I've found my way back to the tavern. This time, the words to one of the first songs I ever sang on HearMe come to mind.

Here's to the wine we love to drink
And the food we love to eat
Here's to our wives and sweethearts,
and may they never meet!
Here's champagne for our real friends,
and real pain for our sham friends,
And when this journey finally ends
may all of us find peace.

Here's to the women that I've loved
and all the ones I've kissed
As for regrets I just have one,
that's all the ones I've missed.
Our women's faults are many,
we men have only two:
Every single thing we say
and everything we do.

I wish you health, I wish you wealth
and happiness galore
I wish you heaven when you die
What could I wish you more?
May your joys be as deep as the ocean
your troubles as light as its foam
and may you find sweet peace of mind
where ever you may roam.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Troll
Date: 20 Apr 01 - 11:36 PM

Great stuff caitrin. I should be honored if you would allow me to buy you a drink
Barkeep! Serve the young lady whatever she prefers and put it on Kendalls tab.
Doug, I think we'ed need a Bessemer converter to change Kendall; melt him down and start over.
My turn I believe?

troll


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: mousethief
Date: 21 Apr 01 - 12:32 AM

Nice song, Cait!

Alex


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: GUEST,#1
Date: 21 Apr 01 - 12:58 AM

Gee, no toasts to me. Can I have an ice cube anyhow?


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: JenEllen
Date: 21 Apr 01 - 01:32 AM

'How absurd men are. They never use the liberties they have, they demand those they do not have. They have the freedom of thought, they demand the freedom of speech.'

The gingercat disposes of the human on his back in a flurry of histamine-throttled glory. As the figure passes her at the bar, she catches a glimpse of fluttering raincoat out of the corner of her eye.
"Ivan?...Alexy?...Aw, brother..." She slides off the barstool just in time to hook a finger into the waistband of the fast-retreating rain gear.
"Hold it there, Shotgun. Familial dischord embodying the general downturn of society? I don't think so. But I'd love to hear about those ACME rocket powered rollerskates...C'mon and I'll buy you a drink. What are you having?"


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: DougR
Date: 21 Apr 01 - 02:20 AM

Hmmm, JenEllen, what have YOU been having? :>) DougR


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 21 Apr 01 - 03:43 AM

From Morty ~ Micca and LIz the Squeak and Gervase....who have carried my lifeless form home from the pub on many a occasion ( thanks, lads)

Er, Morty, I don't know if there is something I should be telling you, but, er, well, how can I put this.....

I ain't no lady, but neither am I a lad...... photo to prove can be had by PMing me and it will be sent on in plain brown envelope.....

And a toast to the person who invented leather trousers..... for no reason really, but they don't get much attention here, and I believe that, on certain bodies, leather trousers have a definate place in our society......

On me they just look like an advert for one of those Universe of Leather sofa shops...... but what the hell, a girl can dream, can't she??

Anyway, most of the time, it has been a pleasure to carry you home from the myriad drinking emporia we have frequented, except for that night at Towersey, when we had to carry Rubber Man Gervase (who is a clear foot and a half taller than all three of us) and I had a coughing fit. Hanging me over that fence, like I was a lost mitten was not a nice thing to do.

Here's to anyone who devours music and craps BS ~ which I think covers most of us here?

Mine's a Rum and Shrub please, the weather has been a bit brisk..... but not for long with Gervase around.....

LTS


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Amergin
Date: 21 Apr 01 - 04:48 AM

That's ok, Liz, the rest of us know you're no lady....


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Gervase
Date: 21 Apr 01 - 06:32 AM

Rubber Man??!!
It's a family thing - I inherited from my son.
I just hope the bogs in this bar are rather more private than those at Towersey - and that there's no panel of judges standing outside....


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Big Mick
Date: 21 Apr 01 - 08:04 AM

The door flies open and the biggest damn Mick you have ever seen strides across the floor in about 3 good strides................

Barkeep, I would have a proper jar of the vile black stuff...............none of the Turkey Turd for me, not thick enough...........Granda used to say that you should never drink nuttin' you can see t'rew...bad for the kidneys........The Big Mick raises his mitt in a toast......Here's to THE FAIR ONE for all she does. This woman (whom I am shamelessly sucking up to)has not only added more MIDI's to our library than anyone, but she has added to the canon of knowledge and licentiousness by producing The Nearly Nude Mudcat Calendar, for which I was going to provide a picture but thought I would wait until she could take it personally...........LOL. And, of course, I would return the favor. Ah be still my quivering......never mind, bad Mick, very bad.........


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Peter T.
Date: 21 Apr 01 - 09:12 AM

The figure in the Ivan Karamazov face mask hits the door, which is closed, and he flattens out and shimmies like a gong. Behind him, JenEllen, who has latched on, bounds off, and scurls into the nearest corner. He returns to endoplasm, and his mind races: "Is this the Acme or the Perigee of my life, what is the opposite of Acme. Hmm. The opposite of Acne is alabaster; so the opposite of Acme must be aphelion? Zenith? Why didn't I pay attention in Astrolabe class?"

He begins to brood over his inability to engage in small talk with women. Perhaps there is an Astrolabe class nearby? If he knew the right terminology, maybe he could (dare he say it) tangentially approach perigee with this extraordinary creature. He needed the kind of small talk that would give him that BIG MICK quality.

And then it hits him. Of course. The invention of all inventions. He pulls a crumpled mass of paper from a hidden pocket, and goes over into the direct opposite corner to where JenEllen sits and plots, and spreads out a sheet or two of paper on a somewhat battered table. Between the lines of what looks like an order for groceries or Einstein's universal constant, he begins to scrawl.

JenEllen rises, as only she can, and wanders over.

"Coyote," she says, "What are you doing?"

"Oh" he says, "I am working on a new invention. This is the one I have been waiting for. No more Sad-O-Meters. This is the one."

"What is it?"

"It is an electronic cyber device that will generate the right words to say to women when you meet them in a bar, so as to overcome shyness and stammering and the feeling that they are going to laugh at you hysterically. It has a scanning device so that you can appraise the right level of rhetoric to employ, a temperature gauge, and an optical character reader to check for eye contact. It will have everything for the shy person."

"Really," she says, "Tell me more." And she sits down.

"Well, if you are really interested, the detailed work is like this--"

"Umm," she interrupts. "Do you think you could take off the mask. I can't hear you very clearly through it."

"Oh, sure," he replies, taking it off. "It sure was hot under there. Anyway, the difficult part to conceptualise was here where the Either/Or button is....."


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Caitrin
Date: 21 Apr 01 - 12:35 PM

*smiles* Thanks so much, Alex and Troll. And since this is a British bar, I'm of age...I'll have a Kahlua and Cream. A toast to all the lovely folks at the tavern who make one feel welcome even when she's been absent for a while!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Troll
Date: 21 Apr 01 - 01:41 PM

I could say that your return has brought back the sunshine, Cait, but it's night just now and somehow sayin' that you've brought back the moonshine just doesn't have the same ring to it.Nevertheless, lass, we're glad to see you. You brighten the room.

troll


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 21 Apr 01 - 02:30 PM

The incident you refer to Gervase, was not a panel of judges, just a group of friends concerned for your health and wellbeing. We very nearly sent in a search party, you were there so long...... We greeted your return to the sunlight in what we concieved to be an appropriate manner.

Your face was worth it......

A toast to all those who can have the piss taken out of them (literally), and still hang around for more. Mine's another Shrubbery. With a bag of pork scratchings on the side, I want to see if I can get another whole nipple or the bit that goes oink.

LTS


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: JenEllen
Date: 21 Apr 01 - 03:46 PM

LOL DougR....It's my birthday, humour me? BTW, it's only raspberry iced tea.

She helps the man take his mask off, and ruffles the sweat-dampened hair on his forehead with her fingers. He sets the mask on the bar, she reaches over and turns it face-down.
"Dear lord," she thinks "My eyebrows have just gotten back to normal.."

"Either/Or button? Everything in life is an either/or, why do you need a button?? Take ol'Zarathustra here," she reaches her hand to the gingercat on the bar, and he erupts in purr.
"Let's say we use this PatterScanner on him, eh? Feet enjoy knocking over garbage bins, he wants a lady cat he can share half-empty tuna tins with, and he'll pick the most inopportune moment to stick his bum right in your face...Okay, you might be on to something here..."

"But the BIG MICK quality? I dunno....I mean, you just got out of traction from Christmas, and your hair grew back so nicely...That guy could swing in here on a vine, CoyoteMan--you try it and I'll probably have to peel your raincoat off the wall, or a train will shoot from out of nowhere...Why don't you stick with what you know? It worked for Jerry Lewis. French birds dig him...Cherche le Jer. Or you could go Jerry Lee Lewis and marry your cousin or something..."

"Leej, can I get another tea please?"


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: catspaw49
Date: 21 Apr 01 - 04:05 PM

Sorry, no tea.......We DO have a lot of this damned Turkey Turd Beer though...................It's real filling and tastes like crap, but, uh................

CAITS!!!! You're back!!!! At least for a visit anyway huh? Did you bring cookies? How's school? Uh.....How 'bout a glass of Turkey Turd? We have a tanker full of the stuff thanks to that stupid gnu...............

And Liz......Once again, if you'd shave the chest hair there'd be fewer problems with the sexual identity issues.............

Spaw


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Peter T.
Date: 21 Apr 01 - 04:18 PM

The dumb cluck, who for a brief moment had forgotten that he had emaskulated himself, now recollected that he was more or less in the position of being a mask too few, and turned back to his pages with renewed grimness --"I, er, I er, guess the question is whether the Either/Or is Kierkegaardian -- to be abandoned, thrust away -- or the Hegelian aufhebung, where the thesis/antithesis are reconciled in a higher synthesis; or even the Buddhist neti, neti, neither this nor that. If you see what I mean, or not, or --"

She waved her hand in the air: "Just because it is my birthday, you don't have to talk dirty to me."

"Bbbbbbbbbirth-th-th-day?" He stammered. "Um. Um." He got to his feet, clutched his chest, and attempted to SAY IMPORTANT WORDS APPROPRIATE TO THE OCCASION and slowly slid down towards the floor. "MMMany happy returns of the --" And he lost consciousness, briefly and inelegantly.

'


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: gnu
Date: 21 Apr 01 - 06:51 PM

Stupid gnu ???!!!

stupidgnu


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Big Mick
Date: 21 Apr 01 - 07:17 PM

The biggest damn Mick that you have ever seen is sitting in the corner snug, drinking the vile black stuff through a straw so's both hands can hold open the mostly naked pictures of THE FAIR ONE or at least hold onto the pictures with one hand and.....stop it, Bad Mick, verry bad.............when he hears a thump and looks over to see his demaskulated friend Peter T. laying on his back on the floor..........

Damn Peter, at least close your mouth, most of these folks have been drinking Turkey Turd beer, and Spaw is getting that desperate look on his face..........stuff tastes like shit, too...........here, come sit in the corner with me........too much to drink little fella..........huh?????.......she talked to you?????......Hell, I thought someone had slipped you a couple of shots of Jamers 1798........and it has this effect on you?????........boy, am I glad Koko's not around or she would really blow.....er, make that rock yer world for you............Come over here, pretty girl, and have a little .................huh? Zarathustra?? Astrolabia's? I think I read about them in Penthouse once.........well you kids have a good time, I am going to go find THE FAIR ONE and see if she wants to talk about Astrolabia's...........Astrolabia's??? Must have something to do with the feckin' Zodiac..........The biggest Mick you have ever seen strolls out into the darkness, muttering to himself and touching........never mind............


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: JenEllen
Date: 21 Apr 01 - 11:57 PM

"Hullo?...Roquentin?...Aw, fer shit's sake. He's out cold."
The woman takes the proffered glass of Turkey Turd, and straining the chunks out through her teeth, takes a long drink. In all the history of womanhood, twenty-nine has never looked this good, and probably never will again. She dips her slender fingers into the glass and flicks some of the brew in his unconscious face. So much for throwing a pebble into the sea.

"Hey Mick, be a dear and give a look out for this one, eh?"
She assumes that the burgeoning bubble of saliva in the corner of Mick's mouth to be an emphatic "Yuh-HUH" and props the CoyoteFlutterby up in the booth alongside him.

She retrieves the pencil from the flutterby's dangling hand, gathers the blueprints to the table before her, and being careful to not disturb any of the photographs of Alison in fewer and fewer clothes, sets to work.

Despair, the infinite abstraction struggling to become more and more concrete. The faint scribbling at the edges of the paper, notes and drawings of a fantastical machine. Zarathrustra threatens to cover the table in ubergingerhair, yet the woman reads on, making her own notes on a TurkeyTurd bar coaster.

"Really," she thinks, "is this how I'm supposed to spend the night? How in the world can you have an Either/Or button on a Descartian tumble of matter in motion? Physical substance determining mental substance?"
She jabs the sleeping for in the ribs with the eraser end of the pencil just for spite, and plunders on.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: wysiwyg
Date: 22 Apr 01 - 01:17 AM

How could I miss her birthday?

Sigh. Happy birthday, you wild woman. We will have a spanking in your honor at the Gathering next week.

And here's a toast to all the songs that come along at just the right time.

~Susan


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: DougR
Date: 22 Apr 01 - 02:35 AM

Well, JennEllen, I hope you're satisfied. Thanksgiving will never be the same for me. The mental picuture of you straining Turkey Turd chunks through your teeth, took all the fun out of Thanksgiving dinner.

Sorry, I didn't know it was your birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Mick, I have followed your pursuit of the Fair One for nigh on to two years now. In my book, you wind the award for consistency. I'm sure, had you been able to fly to Australia, Alison would have been delighted to take your picture in your all togethers. It's just a matter of time, I guess.

DougR


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: alison
Date: 22 Apr 01 - 02:49 AM

you got that right Doug... so how about it Mick... get yourself over here and I'll take your pic for next year........lol....... just think how many more women I could convince to buy this calendar with your gorgeous form in it........ *grin*

now about this conversation we were going to have........ hahahaha

Happy Birthday Jenellen......

slainte

alison


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Bert
Date: 22 Apr 01 - 03:30 AM

Well Peter T!!! This time you have excelled yourself. When you have finally conpleted that invention and have a working prototype - "I WANT ONE", well to be truthfull, "I NEED one". Then maybe I can get closer to some of those "AstroLABIA's" that folks have been talking about.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Micca
Date: 22 Apr 01 - 05:24 AM

Enter a fairly pissed(UK meaning) short round grey haired Figure wearing a cloak which barely conceals a large hip flask and carrying a large glass container of "The Jugs" famous "Weather forecast Cider"( cloudy but brightening later) he raises it and yells so loudly he wakes himself up "Happy birthday, JenEllen" chugalugs the lot sings 3 verses and chorouses of a very bawdy song, That starts "The sons of the prophets are fearless and bold and well known for hawking there rears.."and passes out after plumping up the ginger cat,Zarathustra, as a pillow and putting it under his head..........


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: JenEllen
Date: 22 Apr 01 - 03:43 PM

Ta muchly all.
Sooz: a spanking? dammit, and me clear across the country...
Darlin'Dugger: try drinking that crap and NOT straining it through your teeth. That's the Thanksgiving memory that lingers..
Alison: maybe take many pictures in various forms of undress, staple them together, and if he flips them really fast.....(my guess is he'll be on the first plane to Oz)
Bert: so far our Roquentin is still out like a light, but if I figure out the mystery machine, you'll be the second to know.
Micca: don't breathe on the cat...


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Peter T.
Date: 22 Apr 01 - 04:53 PM

There was a moment upon awakening when the sludgy character, somewhat like Dante in the Wood of the Suicides, envisioned himself staring at the bark of a talking tree, but the spectacle of a potential I-Thou relationship with a tree in fact was a memory of the last time he fainted with his head propped up against a tree following a bout of shyness so powerful that it made him phhysically ill, and now erupted into a fit of nausea so powerful that he suspected for a moment that he was in fact sitting at a country club luncheon in honour of George W. Bush's compassionate conservatism, and then realized that in fact he was nestled extremely closely to the beautiful, if somewhat feverish, woman who was scribbling all over his blueprints. His nausea instantly disappeared, to be replaced by the overwhelming desire to change his name to Simon de Beauvoir, and behave like a sap trailing after her, spouting masculinist slogans for the next forty years. In the meantime, he played dead, which he did as if he had been born to it, and watched through half-closed eyes the extraordinary machicollations unfolding before him like the dumping of a suitcase of dirty clothes on the laundry room floor after a long trip.

There then came into his mind the classic moment in "The Day The Earth Stood Still" when Michael Rennie changes the equations on Sam Jaffe's blackboard, and Sam Jaffe says, "How do you know these equations work?" and Rennie answers: "Because they got me across a million miles of interstellar space."

For while he had been unconscious, the conscious part of his mind, which had for some unconscionable reason been out getting a burger while all this was going on, suddenly returned, and opened up a Second Front, i.e. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU PATHETIC JERK?" This seemed not just apposite, but downright insightful. His unconscious had no answer to that. On the other hand, the lady was extremely close, and gave off an odour which to most nostrils would be redolent of a layer of wet bread, a layer of hamsters, a layer of marmosets, followed by a layer of bread crumbs, followed by a layer of unspayed cat, followed by a layer of mayonnaise, followed by a top layer of wet bread again; but which was strangely moving to the untrepid boob. His being was torn.

Meanwhile, the page filled with ever more of the differentials to which he was uncommonly partial.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: JenEllen
Date: 22 Apr 01 - 09:36 PM

Leave it to the shy ones.
"Is there a base this guy hasn't covered?" she wonders. She grips the pencil in her teeth as delicately as if it were a rose, and spreads the papers out in front of her while lightly humming, "If I only had a brain.." She glances at the sleeping gent out of the corner of her eye and allows his uninterrupted 'slumber' to continue. Apparently he doesn't know that the only one who can get away with the possum act is, well, the possum. She leaves the Dichter to rest behind a smile that is vaguely reminiscent of when Zarathustra eats a hamster sandwich....

The blueprints for the PatterScanner are like nothing she's ever seen. The only thing that distracts her, from time to time, is the flutter of the handsome crackpot's eyelashes as he sleeps. (Back to work, woman!!) Brilliant. Under the chaotic boundary (i.e. bar room) conditions, the probability of finding a particular region of welcoming space is roughly the same as the probability of finding unwelcome space. However, with the main unit of the PatterScanner tucked away in a coat pocket, feeding information into an ear bud receiver, the chance of finding welcome space becomes increasingly more prevalent. She once again takes the pencil, begins to take notes and correct minor mathematics and wiring diagrams.

(his notes written in long-hand) The magnetic force varies inversely as the square of the distance, this holds true for attraction and repulsion. F=mH It matters not if the attractor is negatively or positively charged so long as the object of attraction is an uncharged body. The net attractive force is still applicable...(small sketch of Ben Franklin?)

"Hmm...he's covered the practicalities...." she reads on
wedding ring detector: if she's mad herself, is she madly mated??
key fob scanner: is she a masochistic rabbit-foot carrier, or is she plastic laden and "born to bingo"?
breathalyzer to analyze vapors in an attempt to send her her favourite drink: How did you KNOW I love Turkey Turd beer??
doppler pulse plastic indicator: to decipher what part of her body is live and what is memorex..
sarcast-o-meter: is she laughing at you or with you?
eye contact gauge: (funny...there's just a few lines drawings of dogs?)
interest meter: is she looking over your shoulder for an escape route?
supersuave synthesizer: to transmit a nasal voice as a soothing baritone
metaphor de-scrambler: so when she tells you that your love is just like Chachi and Joanie, you'll know how to respond..
nausea negator: to combat the effects of adding bar food to the butterflies in your stomach..
low-light TammyFaye electron sorter: to gauge the amount of make-up she's piled on battery pack: under the simple assumption that the property of magnetism can be transferred, one could set the unit next to a BigMick for an instant recharge.

All of this leading to the main unit:
compatibility calculator: applies the information gathered to a perfect-woman algorithm pre-set by the operator
pick-up line probability indicator: computes the pre-fed lines against the information that the PatterScanner has compiled to determine the adequate pick-up line. Contains everything from "Passerotto Mio, Il tuo nome suona alle mie orecchie come una melodia senza eta." -to- "Do you have any Canadian in you? Would you like to?"

The woman leans back in her chair, and massages her temples with the tips of her fingers.
"This calls for another beer.."


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Matt_R
Date: 22 Apr 01 - 09:43 PM

Your music shite it keeps me oop all night!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Big Mick
Date: 22 Apr 01 - 10:14 PM

Mick steps out of character.........We are witnessing the birth of a beautiful relationship here folks.........JenEllen and PeterT. are made for each other........at least cyberlly (Howzzaaatttt for a feckin' word.......or was it a feckless word........).....methinks that we are going to see some brilliant banter in the weeks and months to come.....charged with a certain edge......I like it.....

All the best,

Mick


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Sorcha
Date: 22 Apr 01 - 10:18 PM

Thank the gods that Guest isn't in here tonight. I just don't think I could handle that. Pour me a stiff one, there, bartender, I need it after this evening.


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: wysiwyg
Date: 22 Apr 01 - 10:21 PM

Bert, I can't encourage you to expect any Astrolabia at our Gathering, but the Ma-Sooz-a-Phone may be in evidence.

Jen, I'll let you know if we use it in your honor! After all, music is music! In the meantime, visit the MudGather thread and nominate your proxy spankee!

~Susan


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Matt_R
Date: 22 Apr 01 - 10:23 PM

Just back from my SECOND Newman Beach Trip! AWESOME TIME! Pics coming soon!


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Amos
Date: 23 Apr 01 - 12:12 AM

Jen:

When you pause for breath amidst your remarkable calculations, let me whisper Happy Birthday! It's about time you got to drink legally! I am SOOO proud of you!!!:>))p>Love,

Amos


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 23 Apr 01 - 12:30 AM

LEJ looks up from the tap, his shirt-front stained with the tell-tale slop stains of Turkey Turd Beer (" I would have sworn we'd never get rid of this swill"), he wears a brown-edged crown of laurel on his head ("relic of my stint as Bacchus at the Mudcat Rites of Spring..what happened anyway? Matt get laid?") and lifts a glass to the crowd in the pub, saying

Here's to all of you fine folks without whom this place would not exist!(assuming of course that it does exist) Now...does anyone have a song?


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Matt_R
Date: 23 Apr 01 - 12:45 AM

Nope, I Didn't!


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Subject: Lyr Add: IN SPITE OF OURSELVES (John Prine)
From: JenEllen
Date: 23 Apr 01 - 10:25 AM

For the guy behind the bar....

She don't like her eggs all runny
She thinks crossing her legs is funny
She looks down her nose at money
And gets it on like the easter bunny
She's his baby, she's his honey
Never gonna let her go

He ain't got laid in a month of Sundays
Caught him once and he was sniffing her undies
Ain't to smart but he gets things done
Drinks his beer like it's oxygen
He's her baby, don't mean maybe
She's never gonna let him go

In spite of themselves
They'll end up sitting on a rainbow
Against all odds
Honey, they're the big door prize
They're gonna spite
The noses right off of our faces
There won't be nothin' but big ol'hearts dancing in their eyes


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Caitrin
Date: 23 Apr 01 - 10:35 AM

Indeed I am, 'Spaw. School's going well, about to get out. I finally decided to be a tech theatre major, and it's keeping me busy as all hell (I was just Master Electrician and on set crew for the last show we did) which is why I haven't been on for the past few months. At last, the semester's almost over and I'll be free!
Okay, well, not "free" exactly. Anyone know of fun places to workt that're hiring college students for the summer?
And of course I have cookies! I couldn't come back without those legendary subjects of song, could I?


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: MMario
Date: 23 Apr 01 - 10:46 AM

Caitrin - where you at? Stirling Renaissance festival (www.sterlingfestival.com) is considered a pretty good place to work - it's a little out of the ordinary - and I'm told it looks REALLY REALLY good on a resume. (Though I have no idea what their payscale is like for tech/stage crew people - or if they have any positions open.)


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Peter T.
Date: 23 Apr 01 - 11:41 AM

[Pleased to say that as a writer I am at some remove, I won't say how far, from the sloped dope not entirely at my command, which gives me an opportunity also to remark that JenEllen's engineering assessment is completely brilliant. What a woman. Tip of the hat. yours, Peter T.]


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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern
From: Peter T.
Date: 23 Apr 01 - 05:43 PM

Continued come hither!.


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