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Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
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Subject: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Peter T. Date: 23 Apr 01 - 05:37 PM Continuing beneath the sheltering arms of The Sheltering Arms, also known as the Mudcat Tavern.... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Bert Date: 23 Apr 01 - 06:14 PM I see that gnu has started a tab. At last my Master card can get some rest. I'll have a large Pusser's! Cheers gnu! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: mousethief Date: 23 Apr 01 - 06:24 PM Something scotch, very old, and a chair near the fire. Alex |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Peter T. Date: 23 Apr 01 - 06:33 PM Meanwhile, at a table not far away, an ebullient Principessa continued to pore over the invention of the 21st century, which given that so far the top invention had been the Florida ballot, was not saying much. The erstwhile inventor, cozily Hiberniating like any good Hyperborean, felt an increasing sense of apprehension as he witnessed her scanning of his Scanner in the works, but actually faking his awaking was tempered by the realization that the thing hadn't been actually built yet, and so should he come to what passed for life he would be back in the tense no man's land without a red cross nurse, or to put it more succinctly, between Abraham holding up the knife to kill Isaac and the as yet unarrival of the ram chops, known as the Shyness Unto Death. He was somewhat relieved to discover, as best he could given his awkward lying doggo position, that she had inadvertantly dropped onto the floor the second page, upon which he had indicated the flipsite settings for the opposite sex, to whit:
1. wedding ring detector: how significant is the little tanless circle on his inner finger, on a Tan gradient scale of 1-10? Has he removed a ring in the past 24 hours, and is it perchance sitting on the sink of his pottery studio where he took it off to ensure a smooth finish, if I can put it like that....
2. Gameboy assessor: a skein of flashing lights and smashing sounds determining if his idea of interaction is, on the evolutionary ladder, somewhere above amoeba and below pinball.
3. Hubble Hairoscope -- Roots, shoots, tapeovers, plugs, wind arounds, backhair up the collar and over, eyebrows combed back, dyed partially forehead colour and then browned?
4. Dumpsterferometer -- Calibration of the half-life of promises, based on Yucca Mountain High-Level Nuclear Waste Repository Standard Time, i.e. A million years unless things go wrong next week.
5. Snappycomebackcomplexifier-- Computerised evaluation of repartee beyond initial pickup line, response, subsequent bifurcation, 4-ply potential responses, 16 track mind, etc. Printout: How long can he keep it up before resorting to grunts?
6. Diamondsandrustometer -- Ultimate synthesis calculation, crosstabs of costs, family, the really bad day when his Other VISA bill came home by mistake, plus benefits. It was a start, though of course he could not fathom or even drop a string with a weight attached the mysteries of the female mind. What began to interest him however was the intriguing fact that she had connected the male to the female in his wiring diagram in a complex, but plausible way that had never occurred to him before, and this meant that he could actually see his way to making the machine work, though, like the poet Horace, who liked to have walls of mirrors in his bedroom so he could work through all the variations, it was going to be like a Mobius stripper he once saw who never seemed to come to an end.
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Caitrin Date: 23 Apr 01 - 08:34 PM Thanks, MMario! I've contacted the Sterling Festival folks to see if they're still hiring stagehands... probably not this late in the game, but I still have my hopes. It's certainly something to keep in mind for next summer, anyway--it looks like bookoos of fun! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: GUEST,joe Date: 23 Apr 01 - 11:19 PM that was nearly all digested. still chunky though, a few 'leaves of grass' in the mix. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: CarolC Date: 24 Apr 01 - 01:46 AM 3. Hubble Hairoscope -- Roots, shoots, tapeovers, plugs, wind arounds, backhair up the collar and over, eyebrows combed back, dyed partially forehead colour and then browned? AAAAAAAKKKKKK!!!!!!!! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Amergin Date: 24 Apr 01 - 03:39 AM It looks as if you finally have been found out, Carol....*bg* |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: JenEllen Date: 24 Apr 01 - 05:18 AM 3 TurkeyTurds later, the woman noticed that the room had become uncomfortably warm. She rolled her hair up and secured it with the Dichter's pencil, then ordered an iced tea. By the time it arrived at the table, the room and it's occupants had become a bit fuzzy around the edges. She sat back in her chair and fanned herself with a section of the blueprints, that failing, she fished an ice cube from her tea and ran it across her throat in a vain attempt to bring order back into her skull. Someone had given BigMick a bib and a beer helmet, so now he had both hands free to....whatever...while the Dichter rested still fitfully. For a brief moment, the princess regarded the swain with quiet concentration. Her eyes narrow slightly in the sort of mild annoyance a person feels when they pass a street sign that's been spelled incorrectly. Shyness Unto Death, this man so deceived by joy or sorrow that he himself never becomes joyous or sorrowful, forever failing to realize that every movement of infinity comes about by great passion. Utterly maddening. She pops the remainder of the ice cube into her mouth and fans herself a moment more before discovering the sheet of paper that has fallen to the floor. The scrap had "flipsite settings" scrawled at the top, and contained a listing of alternate settings for determining masculine reactions. Her hair rolled down her back as once again, the gnawed pencil flew into action. Gameboy Assessor: probably could be fine tuned to account for everything that goes blip- bonk-ping in the night... HubbleHairoscope: equally important for either sex, you don't want her mustache to outshine his.... Snappycomebackcomplexifier: given a 'female prerogative' canceling switch, because some of them look damn cute when all they do is point and grunt.. Her calculations took scant minutes to apply. The sad truth being, the female mind takes precious little time to fathom when one is in possession of it, and the male is but immediacy with a teensy bit of self-reflection. Stopping to drain the last of the tea from her glass, she set the paper on the table and tapped the remaining ice cubes into her mouth. While sucking on the cubes, she happened to look down at the table. Through the onion-skin of the flipsite diagrams, she could detect the writing of the sheet below it. Clouds parted, the angels sang, and she had one of those "you've got your chocolate in my peanut butter/no you've got you peanut butter in my chocolate" moments. The two units could be one! A simple scanner that could be used on men, women, fire-hydrants...the possibilities were endless. She had started on further calculations, when her attention was broken by the resting form at her side. If anything, she has learned that you can only recognize great actions by being aware of their beginnings. This belonged to handsome crackpot, and ram chops or not, this invention wasn't really hers to meddle with. This realization, applied to what was already beginning to feel like a TurdHangover, did little to lighten her mood.
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: alison Date: 24 Apr 01 - 05:29 AM wow.... I'll have what she's having!!!!!....... and off I go to the planet bizarre..............
seriously amergin.. turn that air conditioner back on.. it IS getting warm in here............. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: gnu Date: 24 Apr 01 - 07:57 AM Bert... tab's wide open until the TT's tanker runs dry. We may have to get Spaw to redesign the strainer because of the leaves. PeterT... mobious stripper never comes to an end... love it.
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Fibula Mattock Date: 24 Apr 01 - 10:17 AM One large whatever's on offer please. i've been away for a fortnight, and I come back to Mudcat to find that it is indeed as bizarre as I left it... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler Date: 24 Apr 01 - 10:41 AM I've just been ego-surfing again and discovered that in the 1920s I was a saxaphone player who wrote (among others) Bullfrog Blues. As I often joke that my blues singing persona is "The Croaking Bullfrog" is that spooky or what? So I'll have a brandy on either gnu or bert's tab (I'm not proud!)to revive me. RtS |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: gnu Date: 24 Apr 01 - 10:54 AM It'll have to be Bert's. I supplied the tankard of Turkey Turd Beer. Brandy it's NOT ! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: mousethief Date: 24 Apr 01 - 12:01 PM Better make it a double, barkeep. Could be a long week. Alex |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: MMario Date: 24 Apr 01 - 12:08 PM Good thing this place is here. Have you seen the weather outside? it's a shitestorm! Alex - you're being followed...I suppose you know that. In a very appropriate place, too...one of the best places for an asshole is behind you! (That's a generic "you" btw) |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: mousethief Date: 24 Apr 01 - 12:12 PM I shall attempt to be the same person I always have been, and let any persons attempting to smear or belittle me prove to the community exactly what they are. Alex |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Amergin Date: 24 Apr 01 - 12:16 PM Uh, Alison.....I think I BROKE it....it won't turn back on....Yes, it is plugged in....maybe we need to cool off abit....Just a second let me remove my shirt....ahhhhhhh, much better....Oh? You like it? Yes, that's my own hair.... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: gnu Date: 24 Apr 01 - 12:19 PM Too bad that ahole guest is getting you down, but I think all who know you also know what an ahole he is. Have a double, or fourple, of whatever you want on my tab. And stay away from the Turkey Turd Beer. It'll send you to Planet Bizarre, if you're not there already from defending yourself from unwarranted, false accusations and twisted quotes. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: harpmolly Date: 24 Apr 01 - 12:45 PM Oy! Barkeep! (assuming scary Jack Palance voice and angelic grin) How 'bout serving me up some o' yer finest? (Help! I'm being possessed by the evil Pepsi girl...) *SMACK!* Ahhh. that's better. Any pear cider to be had on draft? M |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: SINSULL Date: 24 Apr 01 - 12:54 PM Miss Molly - how is that penis pendant working out? Don't dip it in the beer. It will shatter. I am sticking with JD on the rocks with a twist and a Pepsi chaser. mousie, come join me in the corner and we can commiserate on the unfairness of life and the true meaning of "Guest". I'll even buy. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Bert Date: 24 Apr 01 - 12:57 PM I'm glad to find you here Alex. What's yer poison? Have one on my tab. AH! "Molly iffy scent" I've always wanted to do that to the Pepsi brat. Have a pint o' perry on me. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: gnu Date: 24 Apr 01 - 12:57 PM A sympathy drink ! So that's what you were up to, Alex. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: GUEST,Turkey Turd the Third Date: 24 Apr 01 - 12:58 PM I be glad youse guys be enjoyin my brew. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: harpmolly Date: 24 Apr 01 - 01:07 PM *jumping over from the "Caucasia" thread and quaffing a pint to stop the steam whistling out my ears...* Thanks 'Mergin. :) And SINSULL...er...did I miss something? I'm sure I'd have remembered such a pendant. Did someone give me an early birthday present while I was passed out cold? (Yeech...) M |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: gnu Date: 24 Apr 01 - 01:07 PM I wondered who threw the sock in the beer ( old Newfie saying ). That you, cousin ? |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Amergin Date: 24 Apr 01 - 01:10 PM Well, Turkey Turd.....I enjoyin is the word I would use.... Watch it about Mollificent, Bert....she damn near broke my nose one night when we argued about how much each would pay....Fortunately, my Scottish ancestry intervened or else I would have had to go to the hospital..... Ok, now Alison.....where were we? |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: mousethief Date: 24 Apr 01 - 01:10 PM Ewww. Sock in the beer? Then again I don't like beer. Bleh. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Amergin Date: 24 Apr 01 - 01:13 PM dammit i forgot to close the italics..... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: mousethief Date: 24 Apr 01 - 01:21 PM How can we drink turkey turd beer in a shite-free tavern? Or is that the point?
Ignore me, |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: SINSULL Date: 24 Apr 01 - 01:26 PM Molly - didn't you get the pendant in the auction? God I hate middle age. I forget everything but to get up in the morning and go to work. Make mine a double JD on the rocks and hold the twist! Things are really bad when I end up sitting alone in the corner booth AFTER I offered to BUY! SULK & SIGH! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: mousethief Date: 24 Apr 01 - 01:29 PM Sins, don't sulk and sigh. Come sit on my thigh, and I'LL BUY. What's yer poison? Alex |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: SINSULL Date: 24 Apr 01 - 01:36 PM Stealing a page from Thomas The Rhymer? May as well go for the TurkeyTurd Beer. Spaw won't stop pushing it until it's gone. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Bert Date: 24 Apr 01 - 01:46 PM What's yer poison? > What would you like to drink? |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: mousethief Date: 24 Apr 01 - 02:06 PM I haven't seen TTR here in a LONG time. Hope all is well by him. BARKEEP! One turkey turd and another double Glenlivet, neat. Come here often, sweetie? Nice earrings. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: SINSULL Date: 24 Apr 01 - 02:34 PM I thought they looked better on my ears than in your pocket. Are you a mousethief or a packrat? Bert - Sulk over. I'll take a Jack Daniels on the rocks and a smile. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Bert Date: 24 Apr 01 - 02:41 PM Oops I missed that Sinsdarling. You know it was a genuine oversight, Not like me to miss it when someone else is buying. Gimme a pint of Meyer's.;~) |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: mousethief Date: 24 Apr 01 - 02:53 PM I am shocked! I am hurt! Here I am trying to say nice things and I am accused of stealing your earrings. Sheesh! Get off my lap, you brazen hussy! I'll bet you can't even spell "quarrel"! Barkeep, czech, please. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: SINSULL Date: 24 Apr 01 - 02:59 PM Get lost mouse before I sic the cat on you. Or better yet a Guest! And give me back my earrings! Ingrate! This is what I get for buying drinks for vermin! ...But you do have the cutest little tail. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: gnu Date: 24 Apr 01 - 03:01 PM And a little polka. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Caitrin Date: 24 Apr 01 - 03:29 PM I'm not Czech, but I'm part Slovak. Close enough? *grins* |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: gnu Date: 24 Apr 01 - 03:38 PM Do you polka ? Drinking without dancing is just drinking. BTW, what's on for munchies ? And don't say turkey sandwiches !!! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: SINSULL Date: 24 Apr 01 - 03:40 PM Moose Turd pie - the last I looked. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Amergin Date: 24 Apr 01 - 03:40 PM Gnu burgers.... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: mousethief Date: 24 Apr 01 - 03:43 PM Earrings for sale, really cheap. Ladies' watch. Look at this beautiful diamond pendant necklace! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: gnu Date: 24 Apr 01 - 03:45 PM I'll have a burger with the works, so I won't need any desert. What have you guys got against the antlered, anyway ? |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Liz the Squeak Date: 24 Apr 01 - 03:46 PM Aaaah it's the lovely Mrs O'Toole.... Could ye spare a libation for a tursty traveller? A large black bush please...... LTS |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: MMario Date: 24 Apr 01 - 03:50 PM Everyone knows that real animals have horns, or tusks. None of this shed'em every year antler bit. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: gnu Date: 24 Apr 01 - 03:58 PM Animalist !!! As a gnu, I'm proud of being horny all the time, but I wouldn't think of oppressing the antlered. They have a proud and valued history, and taste as good as any horned or tusked beast, no matter how wilde. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Caitrin Date: 24 Apr 01 - 04:02 PM :) I do, indeed, polka. I cha-cha, swing, waltz, salsa, mambo, meringue, and tango as well. I don't really drink, though...is just dancing sufficient? |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Amergin Date: 24 Apr 01 - 04:11 PM Well, dancing without drinking is just dancing......but if you don't drink...,.may i have yours? |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: SINSULL Date: 24 Apr 01 - 04:11 PM Is that lemon meringue and orange tango? I'll have one. Thanks. Nice break from the Jack. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: gnu Date: 24 Apr 01 - 04:12 PM Of course it is ! If I danced as much as you do, I wouldn't drink at all. Where would I find the time ? |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: JenEllen Date: 24 Apr 01 - 04:18 PM Sweet mercy....I'm staying in here. It smells like Salem circa 1692 out there...
Huge mug of tea, barkeep, and somebody please punch up BookerT's 'GreenOnions' on the jukebox. ~J~ |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Noreen Date: 24 Apr 01 - 04:40 PM Gee, thanks for the jools, Alex... you know it's Mollie's birthday, not mine?? Anyway, come over here and tell me what's bothering you.... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Bert Date: 24 Apr 01 - 04:55 PM ~J~ What you smell is Molly's "Iffy Scent" - Fortunately it's her birthday so she gets to bathe today. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: harpmolly Date: 24 Apr 01 - 05:25 PM *sniffing self a la Bugs Bunny* Heavens! Do I *offend*? ;) thanks for the toasts all...looks like it's a wild night of pomegranate martinis & chocolate fondue for the mollster. Wheee! and Nathan, you just watch yerself *grin*. Who won that particular argument, hmmm? Be a dear and remind me. :P (*evilgrin*) Moll |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Amergin Date: 24 Apr 01 - 05:28 PM You did, only because I feared for my life..... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: harpmolly Date: 24 Apr 01 - 05:30 PM And don't you forget it, boy howdy *g* P.S. Thanks for the card. ROFL!!! :D M |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Matt_R Date: 24 Apr 01 - 05:32 PM Please, someone give me SOMETHING after a long day of welding! Preferably something that will take away the Magnum 44 fumes... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: catspaw49 Date: 24 Apr 01 - 05:41 PM Good Christ!!! Turn out the lights and douse the candles!!!! QUICK DAMMIT!!!!............I can't heqar it yet...............Sins, put down that stuff and lend a hand.....'Gin boy DON'T JUST SIT THERE!!!! TURN OFF THAT SIGN!!!!!!......................say what?........oh.......Listen gang ya' gotta' forgive me but I NEED HELP HERE!!! ........I just passeda tanker of that damned Turkey Turd and it was headin' this way!!! .......Get those bar signs.............gnu tou peckerwood, get the flamingos off the deck!!......We gotta' be real quiet and make it look like the place is closed................Hang those tiples over the windows....it'll look like we're closed or something..........Get all this stuff Peter brought in front of the door...............NOW DAMMIT....NOW!!!!!............OHMYGAWD I HEAR IT!!...............Everybody stay low and be reeaallll quiet like.....................................................................................is he getting back in the truck yet?................................................I think he's pulling out...........looked like Guest#1 driving.....figures...............................There he goes.................aw geeziz....Gimmee a Jack.....make it a triple.............That was close................Ya' know we still have 39 cases of the bottles of Turkey Turd......but at least the draft is gone.............................. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: mousethief Date: 24 Apr 01 - 06:18 PM OVER HERE! OVER HERE! HEY MISTER TRUCK DRIVER! OVER HERE! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: mousethief Date: 24 Apr 01 - 06:20 PM Call me a milk-drinking jagov, will you? |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Matt_R Date: 24 Apr 01 - 06:31 PM Alex, I think you need a nice trip to the Korova Milk Bar... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Amergin Date: 24 Apr 01 - 06:40 PM thought you'd enjoy it... Dammit, alex! do you know how ard it is to move in on big Mick's turf when you are pulling crap like that! Everyone get him! let's bound him up and hang him upside down! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Liz the Squeak Date: 24 Apr 01 - 06:41 PM Piss off said the lovely Mrs O'Toole.... just hand me over the Slim Jim (Slim-fast milk shake with a double shot of Jim Beam.....) that I left on the counter, and hand me over that thar banjo.... there,, that's better, the fire's stoked nicely now... and soon, with any luck, shall I!!! LTS hic |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Caitrin Date: 24 Apr 01 - 07:15 PM Absolutely, Amergin. It's all yours. *grins* Send my drink to Amergin, and I'll have a Sprite. And Sinsull, you're welcome to the orange tango, but you'll have to share the lemon meringue...I like it too much to let go entirely. And I hate to tell you, Matt, but there's not much of anything that'll get rid of welding fumes. Showering's about the best you can do. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Matt_R Date: 24 Apr 01 - 07:20 PM Oh, the welding fumes aren't what went up my nose (like an infield fly), nor did the wafting whiffs of incinerated duct tape! Just those rotten Mag 44 markers I'm using on my kachina doll. Open a window! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: SINSULL Date: 24 Apr 01 - 07:28 PM Spaw maybe we can make TurkeyTurd Shots out of that stuff with some lime jello...if it doesn't work, you can play in it instead. Or stuff mousethief into it head first. He is evil isn't he? By the way, those earrings you bought from him are mine and I want them back! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Caitrin Date: 24 Apr 01 - 07:36 PM *sighs* Matt, didn't we tell you to stop sniffing the markers? |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Matt_R Date: 24 Apr 01 - 07:40 PM Sniffing? Are you KIDDING? Mag 44's are the only markers that have the warning label "Inhale once and die!". I hold my breath for all it's worth! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Peter T. Date: 24 Apr 01 - 07:42 PM A cracked pot never boils, but the Dichterphoney had certainly already experienced, like R. Brazzi in the film version of South Pacific, a wave of different colour schemes as his expectations of Paradise flew about like day flies from moonlight and vice versa. He was also beginning to feel the need of a drink, given that the lady beside him had already hoisted more than a few. In fact, it reminded him that he needed to add another feature to the proposed machine, concerning drinking capacity. He remembered that on one ill-fated occasion, the lady in question had spent a long time in the washroom, and would excuse herself over and over again, although she spent the evening nursing a half-pint of ginger ale. He suspected that she went into the washroom to laugh, cry, or otherwise de-tox from his presence. He resolved to make a mental note of it, and then it occurred to him to wonder if a resolve was different from a mental note, perhaps more adhesive, like the difference between a Post-It Note and the smell of a Newfoundland dog. Speaking of Newfoundland dogs, he began to wish that there might be a piano player in the house, so he could sing out: "Play 'Musty' for me!" in order to precipitate the current non-relationship into some better odor. It was at that moment that Catspaw overturned everything, doused the lights, and made everyone get down like the moment in Casablanca when Sasha and company light out for the resistance meeting, and Ilsa lights out for the non-resistance meeting. In the confusion, he found himself underneath the table and extremely close to the floor, which was equivalent to being eye-to-eye with the Burgess Shale, and more to the point, diametrically opposed to the Lady of Shallought. In lieu of conversation, and given the howling drunken mob of regulars, he flirted with the idea (his only experience of flirtation on his own turf) of retailing the story of the Arabian king whose servants presented him with an ugly fish for dinner that had a jewel in its stomach, to which the king responded: "What is a pearl like you doing in a plaice like this?"; but instead resorted to American Indian Sign Language, of which he knew only one phrase: Cigar Store.
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: kendall Date: 24 Apr 01 - 08:27 PM Sinsull, come on over here. I brought my Trivial Pursuit game, and I'm about to whup you! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Big Mick Date: 24 Apr 01 - 09:02 PM The door flies open so hard that it comes off the hinges..........The biggest damn Mick you have ever seen storms in with eyes ablaze, his magnificent mane of hair tossing like a lion protecting the kill..........and with a roar.......... NNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYTTTTTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNN......that puny little arse of yours in mine.............I am going to knock yer flirting, Astrolabia stealing arse clean through the Presbyterian heaven.......clean through the Roman Catholic Heaven right into the dung heap of eternity known as Turkey Turd Heaven.........What the hell is everyone doing on the floor??????? Peter, what are you doing............never mind, here ya go lad, let me just throw a table cloth over you..........there is a knock at the front door........yeah, oh.......a trailer full of Turkey Turd beer.....sure .........bring it in.........I don't drink that shite, but someone must be.............what the hell is this scanner doohickey.........fecking drawings look like a set of Uilleann Pipes built by a cement mason on some really good hash.........where is that friggin Amergin?????..........Trying to horn in on THE FAIR ONE, the cyber love of several of my lives whom I relentlessly pursue over cyber hill and dale..................I am going to hold his arse down and pour about half of this..........check that...........make it all of that friggin Turkey Turd Beer down his worthless damn throat........mutter, grumble, sputter, spit....... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Peter T. Date: 24 Apr 01 - 09:11 PM (Small voice from under the table:) "Don't mind him, he's given to excessive micturition." |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: SINSULL Date: 24 Apr 01 - 09:18 PM In a minute Zeus! I am trying to barter three pairs of white cotton knee socks and a whoopie cushion for my earrings. Somebody keep an eye on Kendall. He's stacking the deck with History cards and reading the answers. Actually, you may want to postpone Trivial pursuit until mick finishes tweezing Amergin's chest hairs - one by one. He squeals like a girl. A manly chest though. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Big Mick Date: 24 Apr 01 - 09:34 PM Yeah............sure I am, you squeeky wee man, but that is not unusual for a 50 year old man who drinks copious amounts of the vile black stuff.........it's gotta go so damn place..........can I borrow that bucket???? By the way, this here scanner doodad.......have the two of you given any thought to the result of such vicissitudinous tampering........just wondering.........WHERE IS THAT FRIGGIN AMERGIN?????????.......... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: kendall Date: 24 Apr 01 - 09:41 PM You just had to blow my cover didn't you? Well Matt, you were right, I am Zeus. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: catspaw49 Date: 24 Apr 01 - 09:56 PM Okay..........Where's that fockin' Irishman? Geeziz..........Do you realize we NOW have a 500 gallon tank filled with Turkey Turd?..........oy...............The guy must have screw loose..............ALRIGHT!! NOW HEAR THIS!!! ...NO ONE LEAVES UNLESS THEY HAVE TWO STEINS OF TURKEY TURD FIRST.......GOT IT!!!...........Whadda mess...can't tell the dumb bastard a thing.....................wait a minute.......WHERE'S THAT GNU???.................Come to think of it, this is all his fault...........gotta' find his ass and....{WHOMP}......GAWWDDAMM......what the hell did I trip over?.............Peter? why are laying there all covered up?...........never mind..................Oh...Hi 'Gin boy....I think Mick's looking for you. Have you seen gnu?........oh,well, I check there...Thanks 'Gin.......and after Mick has pulveriz.....uh, talked to you, tell him I need to see his ass huh?...............................................Oh gggnnnnnnuuuuuuuuuuu.......where are you gnu?....................Come see Ol' Spaw......................... Spaw |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: JenEllen Date: 24 Apr 01 - 11:06 PM The woman continued to plot further manipulations of the scanning system while the tavern began a slow tectonic boil of it's own. The crack in the plate this time was, of course, Spaw's declaration of war against TurkeyTurdBreweries. When the lights went out, she hit the floor beneath the table with a thud. Her first conscious thought was that Mick's bib must not have been big enough, for she landed in a mildly evaporated puddle of drool that extended the underlength of the table. Her second was that the Dichter was awake, and close, dangerously close, like he-could-read-her- "Property of Camp Shitamuck" t-shirt-by-braille kind of close... She looked about ready to bolt, and he looked like he'd landed on the pencil, when the BigMick entered and flung the door off of it's hinges in his hunt for the elusive Nathan. As terrifying a thought as it was to stay under the table, there was no way in hell she was going out there now. By the time the blanket fell, she was well under way to changing the commensal to symbiotic.....blueprints....yeah, the blueprints....... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: catspaw49 Date: 24 Apr 01 - 11:12 PM (just a personal sidenote).........LMAO.....Geeziz JE, Mick's right! You and Peter really have a winner going here..........and not ONCE have you set fire to a Kestrel!.....Just great!!! Spaw |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Amergin Date: 25 Apr 01 - 01:03 AM I step out of the head with a very satisfied glowing smirk on my face...Alison jiggles her way out behind me....I gaze up at the biggest redfaced man I have ever seen...."You called for me, Mick?" |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: alison Date: 25 Apr 01 - 04:42 AM oh er.... Hi Mick..... haven't seen you for a while..... oh you want to know who this is???? it's Amergin.... and he's been very good to me... defended my honour when some dickless wonder decided to start slinging mud..... and some others were off gallivanting *grin*..........so don't mangle him too much eh????? alright that's enough crawling......... don't think I've ever been described as "turf" before....... must give off a pleasant smell when I burn.......... lol slainte alison |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: JenEllen Date: 25 Apr 01 - 09:44 AM Nice save, Al. Here me thinking the boy was either very brave or jus' had a rocket in his pocket. Yup, 'Spaw, my premier post still stands. Amazement and manure...now put my blanket back... Mick, I'm not sure exactly how well this thing would work. Theoretically, it's a gold-mine, realistically, it takes all the fun out. But then again, I ain't all that shy...*bg* ~JE~ |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Caitrin Date: 25 Apr 01 - 10:23 AM Hey, another fantastic barroom brawl has been narrowly avoided! Sounds like time for a dance of celebration...anybody feel like playing? |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Caitrin Date: 25 Apr 01 - 10:51 AM High above, in the vast reaches of space inhabited by the "Jedi as a Religion" thread, a battle rages... "You rebel scum will never defeat us!" Darth Caitrin said, the Sith Lady's smirk betraying the scorn she felt regarding the Rebel Alliance. "Hey, that's Mr. Rebel Scum to you!" one of the pilots shouted. Darth Caitrin snorted in disgust. "Certainly. As though it matters. Soon you shall all be dead." "You may kill us, but you'll never defeat the Rebellion!" a young pilot (who looked suspiciously like Matt_R) cried out. "Good always triumphs!" "Oh does it, Hawtayne?" the Sith replied, her smirk growing broader. "My Death Star is now fully operational. I think an excellent choice of first targets would be... The Mudcat Tavern." |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: GUEST,Matt_R Date: 25 Apr 01 - 10:58 AM Go ahead, blow it up! Toast the cantina band! It takes more than a paltry show of fireworks to scare us! Death Star HAH! Pull one hose and it's down like an old car. --Goodwyn Hawtayne |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: gnu Date: 25 Apr 01 - 03:53 PM I never said I would drink the stuff. I'd rather lick the mud off the bottom of a dry water hole amongst a herd of crocodiles. Hey, why are you all staring at me like that ? It was Spaw's idea to order it... and he double clicked the order button and got two trucks. Listen, I really should get going. Oh, are all you guys leaving too ? What are you doing with that rope, Spaw ? Spaw ?!! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: MMario Date: 25 Apr 01 - 04:00 PM I'll take a triple turkey turd 'n tonic. *phew* oh what a day.....
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: SINSULL Date: 25 Apr 01 - 04:06 PM 4 "t"s MM. that's catchy. Almost makes me want to order one. Oh why not? Another "40" over here. Make that two - Kendall can have some. 2 "40" = 80. That's about right isn't it, Captain? May 10? No? |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: gnu Date: 25 Apr 01 - 04:12 PM You guys are drinking 40's ? The beer must have continued fermenting in the tank. Before you string me up with that rope, try one, Spaw. Oh-oh. Where's Clint when you need him ? |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Bert Date: 25 Apr 01 - 04:30 PM Wotchit!!! Kendal, playing Trivial Pursuit with MEDARLINSINS. How dare you say it's Trivial. Pursuit of THESINSBEAUTY is a serious matter. 'Specially if you should perchance to catch her. Oh how I wish that the magical alchemist Bruce O. were here. He has a multi-stage fractionating column that is capable of turning Turkey Turd Beer into Metaxa of such fine quality that even the Skiff won't make jokes about it. And Spaw's column is already too fractionated to do anything but hang there limply. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Caitrin Date: 25 Apr 01 - 04:44 PM Oh, were you under the impression that the Death Star was a "fireworks" sort of operation, Mr. Hawtayne? *sniffs* Hardly. When I press the big red button, the Death Star will aim 2000 gallons of pure Turkey Turd Beer straight at the tavern. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: MMario Date: 25 Apr 01 - 04:46 PM GOOD! I need a refill! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: SINSULL Date: 25 Apr 01 - 04:51 PM BERTMELUV! Still here? Happy Birthday!. Come over here for your birthday spanking and bring that guitar. It should work nicely.Then again maybe we'll just use Spaw's column and let you play the guitar later. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Matt_R Date: 25 Apr 01 - 05:05 PM Yes, but as we speak, there are billions of nanites and voles wreaking havoc on your circuit boards! And when one of them reaches the ligature arm for "The Big Red Button", all you'll get is a big red nothing! But the Rebel Alliance has a secret weapon of our own. And that's GOODWYN to you, as in "goodwynz in the end". |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: SINSULL Date: 25 Apr 01 - 05:09 PM Matt. Come join us is a "40", non-alcoholic for you. I am worried about you sweetie. You know that there is really no Rebel Alliance, right? And no "Big Red Button" other than the one on Amergin's shirt, right? |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Liz the Squeak Date: 25 Apr 01 - 05:16 PM Does anyone know where this large smelly dog came from? He's taken quite a fancy to me, and won't let me move out of this chair. I've already got shoes full of doggy drool, and I seriously need a wee...... besides, it's either him or Spaw that's starting to steam up my glasses here..... And I wish he'd get his tongue out of my ear...... LTS |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Amergin Date: 25 Apr 01 - 05:17 PM Uh, Jen, that bulge you see in my pocket area...is not a rocket..... Well, Sins, why don't you come on over here and see what happens...well, after we see if Mick bloodies me up too much..... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: JenEllen Date: 25 Apr 01 - 05:39 PM LOL 'Gin....whatever you say luv.*bg* You got a girl in your corner, what else would you need?? |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: alison Date: 25 Apr 01 - 08:05 PM I need something strong!!!!!!...... geez Kendall was Zeus????? I was flirting with Kendall?????? lol............ and good fun it was too....... where's that Black Bush??????
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Amergin Date: 25 Apr 01 - 08:10 PM The black bush? Oh, she's over in the corner..... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: SINSULL Date: 25 Apr 01 - 08:18 PM Yes, you were Alison. And by the way, keep your grubby little hands off his thunderbolt! You'd think a Big Mick and a shirtless Amergin would be enough...then again a picture says a thousand words and there are three of them making the rounds of Alison sans everything but an instrument. Under the table. In the olive grove. Hussy! Hey Kendall! Keep your eyes on the TP board. And Jen - don't get your hopes up. Amergin is carrying a tube of Crazy Glue to repair his "hair shirt" as needed. Real indeed. I know a plug job when I see one. Serve him right if Mick depiliates him with a hot wax treatment. See how long that silly grin lasts...that silly sexy grin...HMMMM I'll go stock up on ointment and gauze, 'Gin. Let me know when Mick is finished and I'll fix you right up. Barkeep! Champagne to the corner booth. Trivial Pursuit requires four - me, the Captain, 'Gin and...and...????? |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: JenEllen Date: 25 Apr 01 - 09:16 PM Sheesh Sins...not THIS girl!!! *bg* If he's got ALISON in his corner...at least you'll have someone to help hold the ointment and gauze!! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Caitrin Date: 25 Apr 01 - 09:21 PM Eating the circuit boards?! Nooooooooo!!!! |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: catspaw49 Date: 25 Apr 01 - 09:37 PM Now that you mention it Sins, Mick did say something about Nathan and nads. I dunno' if he was talking about the Aussie hair removal goo or smashing someone's nads........Hmmmm..........Anyway, where's that freakin' gnu? I'm gonna' get him for this damn Turkey Turd!!!.............and HEY!!!! NO BLACK BUSH UNLESS YOU CHASE IT WITH A TURKEY TURD!!!!!..................gawdamm, what am I saying.....there's a real image for you.....................anyway................If I can find that damn gnu he's gonna be up to his ass in the stuff................. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Matt_R Date: 25 Apr 01 - 09:44 PM Ha ha YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
Mis-shapes, mistakes, misfits |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: SINSULL Date: 25 Apr 01 - 10:19 PM AWWWW Matt. I said the non-alcoholic Turkey turd. And no Black Bush chaser. In every sense of the phrase. Praise!!! Susan!!!! We need you. Excuse me. Back to Trivial Pursuit. Kendall's fixing the deck again. Don't want him to re-shuffle the question about Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs. Hey there little red riding hood. You sure are looking good... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Matt_R Date: 25 Apr 01 - 10:23 PM Let me at the trivial pursuit...I'm gonna open a 6-pack of whup-ass on Kendall. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: alison Date: 25 Apr 01 - 10:34 PM er Kendall.. we did just play trivial pursuit didn't we?????????
lol |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: SINSULL Date: 25 Apr 01 - 10:46 PM Must have. His thunderbolt is frizzled. But we have a fourth for Trivial Pursuit - the board game. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Amergin Date: 26 Apr 01 - 01:52 AM Well, I think I just found a way to get my arse out of trouble....Mick me lad, I believe I found a replacement for you....I am rather sure that you will find this beauty more than adequate....Click here for a lovely picture of your new love interest..... Now let me see if there is a back alley I might run into.... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: alison Date: 26 Apr 01 - 02:12 AM uh-oh........ now you've done it youngster....... got some sort of death wish???? I don't think I can save your ass this time......... lol |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: GUEST,micca at work Date: 26 Apr 01 - 05:11 AM Amergin, slight prob. son...Mick is of IRISH extraction, it is traditionally a WELSH pastime..sheep, or a certain well known(UK) catter who is a Viking...but dont go down that path... a Pint of Perry and a slivovitz for my mate here... and if that doesnt put him into orbit, I have a more potent brew... and Sins if you need a player for Trivial Pursuit , I am your man, I have been known to play both kinds (the board game,and the not so bored game)and am constantly in pursuit, as it says in the US constitution.."... life ,liberty..and the happiness of pursuit" |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: gnu Date: 26 Apr 01 - 09:01 AM Spaw... I hope you meant feet first. BTW, I'm 250 lbs o' fightin' Irish, so you're comin' with me... better put yer oilskins on cause there could be stormy seas when you try to wrassle me into that tank of Turkey Turd Beer. Minds me of another saying my father had - I can lick my weight in wildcats. Now, before we gits to wrasslin', what are the rules ? You set 'em and I'll break 'em. Are we settin' a cover charge for the match ? Proceeds to the Mudcat. How many falls ? dunks ? I say the winner should get to watch the loser chug a yard of Turkey Turd. If so, everyone better wear a slicker !
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: gnu Date: 26 Apr 01 - 09:05 AM Heerrre kitty kitty kitty kitty. |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: SINSULL Date: 26 Apr 01 - 09:40 AM Micca? Are you wearing more than a book? I am easily distracted and get bitchy when I lose. About that Welsh/sheep thing...I dated an Aussie guy once who talked an awful lot about sheep. Led me to believe he knew them intimately. Of course, he may have been a transported Welshman. I don't know. Kendall, I WANT the pink pieces. You can have yellow or brown. Is Matt still playing? I think we have one too many now. Maybe I will sit and watch and sip my bourbon. That way I can keep an eye on the gnu/Spaw bout as well as the Big Mick/Amergin disaster. Anybody know what happened to JenEllen and her swain? Awfully quiet under that tablecloth... |
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Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!) From: Peter T. Date: 26 Apr 01 - 11:11 AM They, like all this, have migrated to here!........ |
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