BS: Falling out of toilets

Subject: Falling out of toilets
From: Mrs.Duck
Date: 07 May 01 - 01:56 PM

Is this just a Mudcat thing. I have just heard that Cobble did it on the boat to the German gathering. By some strange coincidence I had a similar incident at the Moor and Coast festival in Whitby this weekend.
Pisture this!!(sit down first) It is 4am Saturday morning and my brain tells my body I need the toilet.It did not however inform me to wake up, only to leave my bed and walk. We were in the caravan at the time which has its own toilet on the left. On the right is the outside door. (you're there before me I can tell!!) I opened the door and stepped out and then like Wiley Cayote I dropped like a stone (well quite a lot of stones actually) and awoke (naked) to find my face pressed against cold concrete not 25 yards from the food tent that until 20 minutes earlier had still been full of late night revellers but to my endless releif was now empty so noone witnessed my disgrace. I am now black and blue all over. Geoff heard the thud but thought it wss Maddie falling out of her bunk he looked down the van but there was noone there (NO Geoff I was OUTSIDE) so he went back to sleep! Other than that it was a brilliant weekend and I even sang Bill Sables song Whitby Fisherman for the first time in Whitby!

Subject: RE: BS: Falling out of toilets
From: Bert
Date: 07 May 01 - 02:37 PM

Ouch!

And I assume that you meant PICTURE THIS;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Falling out of toilets
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 May 01 - 02:38 PM

I have long feared that something similar might happen with the McGill porta-potty that is mounted ten or twelve feet above ground level on the back wall of Rombo's restaurant in Orillia. Only in this case, the danger would be falling out of the toilet after using it, assuming one was acrobatic enough (or desperate enough) to get up there in the first place...and then forgot where one was...so to speak.

Tourists to Orillia, take note.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Falling out of toilets
From: GUEST,Karen
Date: 07 May 01 - 02:46 PM

Oww! Oww! Oww! God bless you, Mrs. Duck! That hurts just hearing about it!
I had a painful bathroom experience when my husband (okay, he was just my boyfriend at the time but...sssh!...don't tell anyone because we shared a bedroom!) and I went travelling through Great Britain and stayed at farm bed and breakfasts. We had to share a bathroom with several other guests. I was not the first to use the bathroom on that fatal morn which later proved my overthrow...literally. I got in the bathroom, took off my clothes and started the water running in the bathtub. The bathtub, by the way, was one of those claw-foot type and kind of high off the ground. So I'm holding the nozzle in my right hand (one of those hand-held type we Americans can't seem to get the hang of) and I climb over the high bathtub rim. Just as my second foot touches the bathmat it slides forward causing me to fall backward with my arms waving wildly in a vain attempt to balance myself. Mind you, I'm still holding the nozzle WITH the water running. So I land with a very large thump half in and half out of the bathtub. My legs are still in the bathtub because the back of my knees hit the rim and the rest of my naked self is lying on the floor....water is everywhere! It took me several attempts to unhook my legs as I was by this time laughing hysterically while trying not to make too much noise. I dried the room down as best I could, finally took my shower and got limped back to my bedroom when my boyfriend asked, "Did you hear that loud thump earlier?" I had to 'fess up and tell him the whole tale. I was bruised for the rest of our trip!

Subject: RE: BS: Falling out of toilets
From: Bert
Date: 07 May 01 - 02:47 PM

Of course you can always console yourself with the fact that falling OUT is better than falling IN;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Falling out of toilets
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 May 01 - 02:56 PM

True. Ask flattop about falling in.

There was also some guy who fell into the pit or reservoir or whatever you call it, under an outhouse in a park somewhere in this locality last year. He was trying to retrieve something he'd accidently dropped in the toilet...it was either his glasses or his wallet. At any rate, he got halfway under the building and was trying to reach the missing item, when he slipped and fell in completely! Some passing girl scouts heard his cries for help and summoned aid. It was a pretty sticky situation, but they finally got him out...

I bet he'll never go near an outdoor privy again.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Falling out of toilets
From: SINSULL
Date: 07 May 01 - 02:58 PM

My worst experience was being locked in the bathroom at a house wedding. The lock broke and the only way to get me out was to take the door off its hinges. At least I got to use the facilities before the door came off.

Subject: RE: BS: Falling out of toilets
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 07 May 01 - 03:00 PM

Mrs Duck ties to fly? Hope you are ok! Cobble of course did it with style (not that you might not have)

It was about 05.30 or so. The boat was sailing gently along on her course, the captain proudly steering and the crew resting in their bunks. Cobble ventures off his top bunk and goes to the loo. Some moments later, after some undescribable sounds, the door flies open and Cobble propels himself backwards and downwards onto the floor of the cabin. "I hate that ********** step", he says, his face contorted with beer. Climbing back into his bunk, less than a few seconds pass before the snoring starts again. And there you have it-the truth. Although, everyone registered their concern, Bill snored loudly, Skipjack farted, and I being the kind soul that I am laughed and went back to sleep.(he was ok really)It did however cause him to sleep until we docked and then the rush began to be ready and off the boat.

Subject: RE: BS: Falling out of toilets
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 07 May 01 - 03:16 PM

Eric - we thought you were giving us the "action replay"
And what is this about tying my wife to a fly?
Quack!!!!!
Geoff

Subject: Lyr.Add:Justice en Lieu
From: Charley Noble
Date: 07 May 01 - 06:07 PM

I don't think this one ever made it into the DT. It's based on a true story and was cirulated at the next Maine Bar Association meeting with some halarity.

JUSTICE EN LIEU
(Words by Charlie Ipcar © 1993 Inspired by an Associated Press story in the Bangor Daily News – 9/9/93 Tune 19th Century Irish Music Hall: "I Wish They'd Do It Now")

C      G  C                 G C           G  C         F   C

There are trials and trib-u-la-tions as in life we make our way,

    F                  C                  D                 G 

Of-ten there's lit-tle jus-tice, you can hear the peo-ple say;

                   C             G   C G  C               F      C 

Now comes the Ci-ty of Ma-chi-as, on Maine's rock-bound shore,

     F                 C                G      C           G7   C 

Jus-tice was all con-found-ed at the Court-house bath-room door.

'Twas in the year of '93, September the eighth day,
Judge Marsano left his chambers, or so the papers say;
He entered his private bathroom, his duty to pursue,
How could he have imagined – fourteen hours en lieu?

When he tried to leave the bathroom, he found it was no go;
The lock had jammed, his staff had left, no one could hear his woe;
So this Justice was confounded – his story will endure –
By the push-button locking system on the Courthouse bathroom door.

  
  C  G7 C 
  On the Courthouse bathroom door,
  
     G7 C                       G 
  On the Courthouse bathroom door,
  
                C                F  C 
  By the push-button locking sy-stem 
  
        G      C           G7   C 
  On the Court-house bath-room door.
  
  First he tried to force the lock, but 'twas to no avail,
  If he'd only had a bucket, he might have gotten out on bail;
  Next he removed the hinge pins, but that door refused to budge,
  There seemed to be no earthly way to win early release for the Judge.
  
  If he'd only brought some lawbooks, he might have shown more zeal,
  He could have drafted a petition and gotten out on appeal;
  But this Justice was confounded – his story will endure – 
  By the push-button locking system on the Courthouse bathroom door.
  
  On the Courthouse bathroom door,
  On the Courthouse bathroom door,
  By the push-button locking system 
  On the Courthouse bathroom door.
  
  So early the next morning, his staff was surprised to hear 
  Such unruly banging and shouting from the bathroom in the rear;
  They smashed the lock to free the Judge, and the super did allow:
  "It wasn't funny at the time but it sure is funny now!"
   




	

Subject: RE: BS: Falling out of toilets
From: flattop
Date: 07 May 01 - 08:28 PM

No, don't ask me, Little Hawk. Weren't you the one who put toil in the word toilet?

Subject: RE: BS: Falling out of toilets
From: Haruo
Date: 07 May 01 - 08:29 PM

bert (you said better out of than into)...
I remember the first time I encountered a "Turkish toilet", the kind where you stand in the center of the bowl on raised foot platforms and eliminate waste to the surrounding lowlands. It was in Siberia, the summer of '68, up near Lake Baikal, and the cord to flush it was on the far side, and I was short (at age 14 even shorter than I am now) and I reached out and grabbed the cord (which I could not have reached had I stepped out of the toilet first) and pulled it and was immediately up to my ankles in swirling sewage. The next time I met such a contraption (a couple of weeks later in a campground at Versailles) I let the next tall user do the honours.

Liland

PS I think I'll have to add this to my "Siberian Memories" page. Thanks for the reminder!

Subject: RE: BS: Falling out of toilets
From: Haruo
Date: 07 May 01 - 08:32 PM

I didn't really mean you stand in the bowl; squat is more like it.

Liland

Subject: RE: BS: Falling out of toilets
From: flattop
Date: 07 May 01 - 08:39 PM

You rectified that Liland.

Subject: RE: BS: Falling out of toilets
From: SINSULL
Date: 07 May 01 - 08:57 PM

hEY bERT, THIS IS THE PERFECT OPENING FOR YOUR SONG ABOUT THE THREE OLD LADIES LOCKED IN THE BATHROOM. dAMN cAPSLOCK!

Subject: RE: BS: Falling out of toilets
From: Cobble
Date: 07 May 01 - 09:14 PM

I was just practising Judo falls just in case!

Cobble who is still up late.

Subject: RE: BS: Falling out of toilets
From: flattop
Date: 07 May 01 - 09:15 PM

If you get a screwdriver, SINSULL, you can pry the cap off that caplock.

Subject: RE: BS: Falling out of toilets
From: Jeri
Date: 07 May 01 - 09:19 PM

Rectified?! (ouch)

My mother was 68 and had osteoporosis when she did a back flip in the bathtub. Other than a few bruises, she was fine, even though she flew out of the tub and hit the toilet on the way down. A week or two later, she fractured two vertebrae picking up about a gallon of water in a bucket.

My worst experiences involve raised seats. Ever sit down IN a toilet instead of ON it? This came close to being a disaster when it almost happened in an outhouse. Luckily, I was moving slowly enough (it was dark, and I wanted to be sure I placed my ass upon the hole in the seat instead of the parts of the seat without the hole, because that can be inconvenient too, but that's another story) so I could stop from falling through.

If you're planning a trip to Korea, you need to bring your own TP when you go to public places such as restaurants. They may have some, or they may not. Do not flush the paper down the toilet - their toilets and sewer systems aren't designed for paper waste. There's usually a plastic bag near the toilet for asswipe disposal.

There was some country I was once in that had little shelves in the toilets. It was there the poop rested almost reverently, until you flushed.

Subject: RE: BS: Falling out of toilets
From: Jeri
Date: 07 May 01 - 09:38 PM

SINS, Seven Old Ladies

Down the hall to the right, SINS was referred
The lock broke, and she yelled, but nobody heard
Isolated and lonely, in the lav'try, interred
And nobody knew she was there

Subject: RE: BS: Falling out of toilets
From: Justa Picker
Date: 07 May 01 - 11:16 PM

Once upon a time, in a far off galaxy, I once walked into a hotel room in Paris, France. I freaked out and said to my significant other at the time, "Something's not right with this toilet!" How do you take a sh-t????" She keeled over laughing telling me it was bidet, and I said "say what?".

I've since been ejamucated, but yes, I have sat in a toilet thinking the seat was down as I dropped in, when it wasn't.

Not a pretty site, if you can imagine a lemming trying to right itself in the darkness.

Subject: RE: BS: Falling out of toilets
From: Troll
Date: 07 May 01 - 11:40 PM

A friend of mine of the female persuasion decided that a port-o-let was the perfect place to change out of her re-enacting gear into her civvies for the long drive home from Camden,SC to Florida after a Rev War re-enactment. This was back during the Bi-Centenial.
As it was getting dark, she took her trusty candle lantern with her and treated the camp to a shadow-show that was the talk of the re-enacting communtiy for some months thereafter and inspired a verse of the Port-O-Let Song. To wit:
(sung to the tune of O Tannenbaum.)
Within thy thin translucent walls,
Port-O-Let, O Port-O-Let
We dare no light when nature calls,
Port-O-Let O Port-O-Let.
For if a gleam of light is shown,
Bold shadows on thy walls are thrown,
And to the world our secrets known,
Port-O-Let O Port-O-Let.
A rare and inspiring ditty.

troll

Subject: RE: BS: Falling out of toilets
From: Lady McMoo
Date: 08 May 01 - 03:58 AM

Jeri, your story reminds me of early days with Lady McMoo. I was fast asleep at about 4.30am when mournful cries came from the toilet area. Sure enough, not being any kind of gentleman, during my perambulations earlier in the night I had failed to put the toilet seat down. When I arrived bleary eyed a few moments later, there she was, securely and firmly wedged IN the toilet. Pulling hard merely caused further distress and, if I remember correctly, it was the handy proximity of a can of WD40 that eventually saved the day. (Must remember to add that to the WD40 thread).

By the way, nearly every toilet in Switzerland seems to have that curious little poop inspection ledge you referred to!

mcmoo

Subject: RE: BS: Falling out of toilets
From: JenEllen
Date: 08 May 01 - 04:55 AM

PORT-A-POTTY PERIL

This was some of the most fun. Delightful.

~Jen

Subject: RE: BS: Falling out of toilets
From: Letty
Date: 08 May 01 - 06:31 AM

McMoo--

Most Dutch toilets have such a ledge too, thanks to a certain lady doctor (whose name I can't recall). The idea is indeed that you check what you've produced (for medical reasons obviously). It sometimes comes in handy: someone I know (not me, I swear!) once swallowed her contact lense (don't ask me why and how) and managed to retrieve it... And yes, she used it again after disinfection. Ugh. At least I can't swallow my glasses.

Letty (disgusted)

Subject: RE: BS: Falling out of toilets
From: kendall
Date: 08 May 01 - 07:26 AM

Two old farmers back home (In Machias) went to the Washington County Fair. They both had to go at the same time (men never go in pairs like women do) so, they entered the two hole privey. After their business was completed, one stood up and spilled a hanful of change by accident down the hole. He started taking off his overalls, dropped a ten dollar bill down the hole, and his friend said "What in the hell are you doing?" the other said, "You dont think I'm going down there for a handful of change do you?"

Subject: RE: BS: Falling out of toilets
From: Linda Kelly
Date: 08 May 01 - 07:39 AM

milford upon sea circa 1975 very drunk - on the campsite wondered in what direction I thought was the toilet -ended up in a blackberry bush and got completely stuck - my plaintiff cries for help were ignored and I had to stay there for half an hour before anyne found me!

Subject: RE: BS: Falling out of toilets
From: KingBrilliant
Date: 08 May 01 - 08:32 AM

Mrs Duck - I've done some of that sleep-walking to the loo as well. Last Guildford Festival I woke up on the toilet (in portaloo) with no idea how I got there. Still horribly drunk. Couldn't make any sense of the campsite when I got out of the loo, and stumbled round for ages before I relocated my tent & got back to sleep.

Kris

Subject: RE: BS: Falling out of toilets
From: Gervase
Date: 08 May 01 - 08:49 AM

In my re-enacting days I remember falling out of the window of a pub bog in Wiltshire - the inconsiderate 16th century cowboys who'd built the place had done so on a hill, so you went in through the front door at street level, but wandered through to find the bogs on the second floor.
After much drink was taken, I needed to clear my head, so I opened the window, sat on the ledge and inhaled gratefully - only to pass out and pass from the knowledge of man.
Eventually, at around two in the morning, I came to in (thankfully) a freshly dug flower bed under the window. Completely disorientated, wearing a 17th Century cassaque, doublet and breeches and covered in soil, I staggered towards a small track I could see at the end of the garden and through a gate - to be dazzled by the headlights of a Mini Cooper being driven in a lethal manner.
The car lurches to a halt and a rather ditsy woman emerges from behind the wheel and says: "Omigod, are you OK? Are you a ghost? Have I just hit you?"
I'm none too coherent at that point - so she assumes she has hit me and tells me to get in.
The upshot of it was, a piping hot shower, my clothes cleaned (if that was possible, given the state of 'em) and pressed, all the tea I could drink, bacon and eggs until not even I could eat any more, and a lift back to the camp-site at dawn from the woman - who turned out to be the local schoolteacher and quite mad, in the nicest possible way.
There are all my comrades in arms, looking like something the cat dragged in, as I arrive, washed, shaved and even fragrant. "Bloody hell," says one. "We wondered what happened to you. Last we heard you'd gone for a dump. We searched the bogs but couldn't find you, so we gave you up for dead and drank your beer."

Subject: RE: BS: Falling out of toilets
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 May 01 - 11:02 AM

flattop - Good to hear from you, old chap! How goes it? How did you know I put the word "toil" in toilet?

- LH