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Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!

Peter T. 22 May 01 - 09:26 PM
alison 22 May 01 - 09:34 PM
CarolC 22 May 01 - 09:40 PM
katlaughing 22 May 01 - 10:16 PM
SINSULL 22 May 01 - 10:17 PM
Giac 22 May 01 - 10:26 PM
katlaughing 22 May 01 - 10:30 PM
dr soul 23 May 01 - 04:57 AM
dr soul 23 May 01 - 05:07 AM
MMario 23 May 01 - 08:32 AM
Peter T. 23 May 01 - 09:38 AM
Matt_R 23 May 01 - 10:26 AM
GUEST,Roger the skiffler 23 May 01 - 10:36 AM
GUEST,Garydon 23 May 01 - 03:41 PM
JenEllen 23 May 01 - 04:16 PM
harpmolly 23 May 01 - 04:57 PM
Peter T. 24 May 01 - 08:42 AM
Kim C 24 May 01 - 11:42 AM
Robby 24 May 01 - 11:51 AM
Lonesome EJ 24 May 01 - 01:28 PM
GUEST 24 May 01 - 01:37 PM
GUEST,Garydon 24 May 01 - 01:40 PM
Peter T. 24 May 01 - 01:52 PM
Robby 24 May 01 - 04:57 PM
JenEllen 25 May 01 - 02:38 AM
Dave the Gnome 25 May 01 - 05:29 AM
GUEST,Roger the skiffler 25 May 01 - 05:40 AM
Charley Noble 25 May 01 - 08:57 AM
LR Mole 25 May 01 - 10:20 AM
Peter T. 25 May 01 - 04:34 PM
Linda Kelly 25 May 01 - 05:41 PM
MMario 15 Jun 01 - 12:41 PM
Donuel 15 Jun 01 - 01:11 PM
Donuel 15 Oct 01 - 05:48 PM
Rollo 16 Oct 01 - 09:27 AM
The_one_and_only_Dai 16 Oct 01 - 09:38 AM
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Subject: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: Peter T.
Date: 22 May 01 - 09:26 PM

From the files of the world renowned Eygptologist, Professor Collander:

February 1922.
It is extremely hot out here in the Egyptian desert. It is so hot that even the English lose their patients. Spoofa-ben-Spaw, my excellent assistant and unmade Bedouin, says that we are now in the Lower Upper Nile, or the Upper Lower Nile, and certainly in the Valley of the Shadow of the Doll Pharoahs.
"Sphinx?" I inquired.
"Certainly does, offendi," he replied salamming as is his wont, "Camels. Can't live with them, can't live without them."

We have been digging for the past several days, and have uncovered extraordinary amounts of ancient sand. Then, this morning, just as the sun was rising over the wadi, we struck the tip of what is either an ancient pyramid or isn't.

March 1922.
We have uncovered an immense Pyramid Scheme. I conjecture that we may have happened upon the long lost tomb of Tut-Tut-Mud-Kat-mose III, famed Pharoah of the Early Empire, in the days of Ramses, Trojans, and 8-track. Some believe him to be a descendant of RA-RA-Sisboom-BA, but others say Ptah to that. We have not yet uncovered an entrance, and with luck no grave robbers or even moderately happy robbers have disturbed the contents lo these many centuries.

April 15, 1922.
At last our labours are about to be rewarded. Tomorrow we enter the Pyramid Scheme. Late in the day, as I am sitting in a mound of sand writing my notes, a hysterical delegation from the Amalgamated Diggers and Beggars Union comes to my tent, and their Senior Grubby Figure begins some drivel about a hideous curse.
"Offendi," he whines, "Terrible things happen to those who enter the Tomb of Tut Tut-Mud-Kat-mose III!"
"Such as?"
"Oh Offendi. Voices prophesying doom have been heard emanating from the Pyramid Scheme. They say that the Curse of the Mudcat will fall on any who disturb the Tomb."
"What is this Curse?"
"Offendi. Have you ever heard the Neil Diamond soundtrack album of The Jazz Singer?"
I shuddered.
"Worse than that, Offendi. Worse than that." And the men sent up a terrible howl.
"Nonsense," came a female voice that I had not heard in many years. I turned to look and it was in fact Celia, my beautiful spunky postdoctoral student.
"Celia!" I said, "What are you doing here?"
"Had to be here for your opening, Professor, if you get my drift. Piloted my own plane out to this godforsaken dump."
"Well, this is a pleasure. Brush off those scarab beetles from the front of your tight fitting dress and let me tell you all about Tut-Tut-Mud-Kat-mose III."
And so we talked into the night, as I explained to her the secrets of the ancient Pyramid Scheme, which appeared on close examination of the Book of the Severely Ill to involve the purchasing of after-death condos. Then, in the morning, with all the men standing around murmuring about the Curse of the Mudcat and the cut of Celia's jodhpurs, Celia and I went down the deep flight of steps dug out of the sand, took a torch from Spoofa-ben-Spaw, and pushed open the entrance to the forbidden Pyramid!!!!!!!


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: alison
Date: 22 May 01 - 09:34 PM

inside the chamber was pitch black....... gentle they edged their way forward, the candlelight flickering over strange marking on the wall.....

suddenly the professor fell headlong into a pit..... Celia waited for the "splat" but instead all she heard was a "gloop" noise...... "Are you alright, Professor?" she called......"Er yes..... something soft broke my fall...... hang on though.... what's this?... its tastes like lime jello.... where the hell are we?".......


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: CarolC
Date: 22 May 01 - 09:40 PM

And when the rest of them caught up with him, they shone their lights upon the statue at the far end of the corridor. It was a figure of a man with a dog's head, and it was playing an accordion!


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: katlaughing
Date: 22 May 01 - 10:16 PM

LOL!!

Isis! Isis! Ra! Ra! Ra!


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 May 01 - 10:17 PM

The dog's head was playing an accordian??? What was the man doing?


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: Giac
Date: 22 May 01 - 10:26 PM

The man was playing his organ, of course. What kind? Hammond, Rye? No, I prefer wheat.


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: katlaughing
Date: 22 May 01 - 10:30 PM

I'll bet he was playing "Prairie Musette" realy pretty-like like Sourdough Slim!


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: dr soul
Date: 23 May 01 - 04:57 AM

Celia gasped . . . "Accordions! The Curse of the Mudcat - it really is true! Oh, Professor Collander, help me!"

It _was_ worse than Neil Diamond!!!


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: dr soul
Date: 23 May 01 - 05:07 AM

Brandishing her torch, Celia edged toward the snuffling, glooping sounds ahead of her. "Sounds like a harmonica player with hay fever," she thought phlegmatically.


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: MMario
Date: 23 May 01 - 08:32 AM

*damn* another keyboard ruined!


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: Peter T.
Date: 23 May 01 - 09:38 AM

Brushing aside the cobwebs and the lingering traces of what appeared to be lime jello but was in fact the congealed remains of oozing green mummy slime, Professor Collander and the centrifugal Celia edged their way through the dark labyrinth. "These are the outside passages," remarked the Professor, "clearly they have been tampered with over the centuries by robbers. We can however hope that the interior remains virgo intacta." Celia dropped her torch for a few seconds, and luckily when she bent over to retrieve it, she saw extraordinary markings along the bottom edge of the wall.
"Look Professor! Hieroglyphics!"
He said, excitedly: "Do you think you could explicate?" She looked up at him for a moment quizzically, and then she bent down and began to read. "It says -- if I can decipher this properly, this is tough, Professor -- eye dog man sideways eye sun headdress scarab eye man sideways." Professor Collander had to remind himself that they had skipped hieroglyphics class that semester to engage in man sideways woman sideways and various other ancient Nilotic positions.
"Let me look, Celia." And he bent down. "Senefru!!!"
"Gesundheit!" she said.
The Professor held his temper. "No, dear, King Senefru. Tut-Tut-Mud-Kat-Mose III was his brother-in-law, and his father, and sometimes on weekends his aunt Isis. Incredibly complicated intermarriages. But look here. Further on. Shine your torch over here." There now appeared to be what looked like foot marks and arrows.
"These seem to be hierarchical dance instructions -- perhaps the fabled Amenhotep 2-Step. That might explain the nubile Anubis with the accordion we saw in the outer chamber. The Ho-Re-Po-Ke. Here it says you put your left foot in. Here you put your left foot out. Move that torch a bit closer. Hmmm. It now either says, put your left foot in and shake it all about, or, your rhinoceros has been banned from the crap tables at Vegas. "
"Let us try it, Professor, and see what happens."
"I don't know, they are pretty strict in Vegas. Hard to hide a rhinoceros, especially as he keeps wearing one of those eyeshade things."
"I mean the dance, Professor."
"Oh, oh, certainly, my dear. Let's see." He clasped her around the jodhpurs. "Left foot in, left foot out, left foot in and shake it all about!!" With the last gesture, a sudden burst of ancient music blared forth, faintly reminiscent of Pat Boone's version of Blue Suede Shoes, and a secret door slid open in front of them!!! The torch illuminated an interior room unlike any they had ever seen before. They had begun to enter the even more dangerous inner recesses of the tomb of Tut-Tut-Mud-Kat-mose III!!!!


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: Matt_R
Date: 23 May 01 - 10:26 AM

I jumped in the river and what did I see?
Black-eyed angels swimming with me
A moon full of stars and astral cars
All the figures I used to see
All my lovers were there with me
All my past and futures
And we all went to heaven in a little row boat

There was nothing to fear and nothing to doubt
There was nothing to fear and nothing to doubt
There was nothing to fear and nothing to doubt

There was nothing to fear and nothing to doubt...


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 23 May 01 - 10:36 AM

As any fule kno the transliteration of heirer..., hyer..., hier..., Egyptian inscriptions is open to alternative interpretation. I subscribe to the Rosetta Tharpe Stone version. I read it as "Sam the Sham (or was it Shem)and the Pharaohs" and the next line looked like a sheep hitting a lamb, could it be "Wooly Bully"?
(I only ask in the spirit of academic enquiry)
RtS ( a kazoo player with hayfever)


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: GUEST,Garydon
Date: 23 May 01 - 03:41 PM

As they entered the inner recesses of the Tomb Tut-Tut-Mud-Kat-mose III the professor with his characturistic style and grace stumble-bumbled over the left front hoof of the forgotin Wolly Bully. Who was left in tombed all those centuries ago. As the professor stmbled he certainly did bumble into the ancient yet ever renewed and renouned hop-a-long of the Shem Ka Diddle Hopper.


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: JenEllen
Date: 23 May 01 - 04:16 PM

"Ah, so that's what it's all about..." mumbled the bumbling intrepid explorer. (trepidatiously o'course) as he tripped over the wooly bully remains of the apis bull.

"Sothis is it?" seethed Celia "Are you Sirius?"

"No, no my darling thimble brain." pontificated the professorial one. "This is but part of the essentials of eternity for Tut-Tut-Mud-Kat-mose III. The burgeoning bovine was Set there as a warning to unwelcome guests. This Tut-Tut was one Tefnut to crack.

"Well, I've got cobwebs in my hair now, are you Hapi? Because I've about Hadit..." pouted the postgrad who flew in for jewels, not jerky.

They spotted a dusty doorway in the corner of the cavern, and the bumbler mumbled, "Oh well, if you have to go, leave the jodphurs, I may have use for them later, but if you stay, the Bast is yet to come."


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: harpmolly
Date: 23 May 01 - 04:57 PM

He stooped and peered through the doorway, then said casually, "But Thoth! What light through yonder doorway breaks? A gilded Isis--and jeweled Ra is the sun!"

She rushed to his side and looked within. "Eurrrgh! Spiders and snakes and scarabs, oh my! And you think I and my Donna Karan khakis are setting foot in there? Nefertiti!"

He sighed and shrugged. "Denial, my dear...it's not just a river in Egypt..."


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: Peter T.
Date: 24 May 01 - 08:42 AM

The Professor and Celia now entered into the musty room, along the walls of which were many open tombs, filled with ancient corpse-like figures, mummified and dustladen.
"Put that torch in the holder over there, Celia, and let us examine these mummies." He moved over to the first blackened corpse, whose wrinkled and desiccated face resembled Mother Teresa with a mustache. He bent down and perused the hieroglyphic beneath.
"Goodness, Celia. I think we have made a major discovery. This is the fabled Room of the Neverending Undead Rock Musicians!"
A creaky voice emanated from the wrinkled figure: " Hey, mummy you've been on my mind!"
Celia shrieked, and the Professor rose up. "Who - who - are you?"
The undead figure mumbled: "Hey man, I was only in it for the money."
"You??? Bob Dylan?"
"Don't lose your diploma, Prof." the voice sibillated ominously. "Come and gone like the wind, man. You think I am creaky? Check out some of my friends along the wall. Hey, Sir Paul, Mick, Rod, come and check out the dude and the chick." And from every corner the ancient figures, wrapped in brown bandages, came to life and hobbled forward menacingly. Celia and the Professor screamed, and ran from the room into the next winding corridor, followed by the terrifying spectacle of the ancient undead rock stars!!!!!


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: Kim C
Date: 24 May 01 - 11:42 AM

(I don't know enough to jump in here but I just want to say, it's very entertaining......)


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: Robby
Date: 24 May 01 - 11:51 AM

Down the corridor, around a corner and into a brilliantly lit room where bubbles floated in the air. Another shrouded figure, holding a stick, slowly turned to face them and said:

Ah one, an ah two...

AAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 24 May 01 - 01:28 PM

"Sphinx!" He suddenly said. "Yes," she answered,"there's certainly something about this whole situation that doesn't smell right to me either. Reminds me of..."

"No!"

"Yes! The Chon and Pat-See Ramses Excavation!"

"The entire matter..."

"A cover-up, yes indeed...but still, you had to dig it!"

They were interrupted by Dylan stammering "How many roads must Amman walk down..." The Professor stammered "n-n-now we've done it! It's the curse mentioned in the Eight Tracks of Ca-Chunk! Once you get them singing..."

"It's impossible to keep them under wraps!"

"Exactly. But how to put a lid on the situation?"

"A lid? I have no idea. But if it helps I have a roach in my ashtray."

"This whole thing is described in the Cartouche!"

"You mean the Saturday Morning Cartouche?"

"Yes, here....it talks about the ...let's see...these symbols...scarab...moose...scarab....moose..."

"And a clue...the Fandango!"

"Thunderbolts and Lightning! This is very very frightening!"


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: GUEST
Date: 24 May 01 - 01:37 PM

Coming to a skiddling sliding halt in the hall with Cecilia's jiggeling juggaling Jodspurs slowly susiding. The professor close behind klopping his feet to a stop. Could only hold his head in the amazingly unscruplouse trap they had run into. Pinned between the relentless unDead rock stars on one side and the endlessly dronning of Onea and atwoa.. When behind the veil of bubbles, is it really; Bubbles bubbles, could it be, Oh My They really and trully are TINY Bubbles. Why it's........


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: GUEST,Garydon
Date: 24 May 01 - 01:40 PM

Forgot to signin OOps ce


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: Peter T.
Date: 24 May 01 - 01:52 PM

[cartouche!!!! That was the word I have been looking for for days. You are really hot today, LEJ]


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: Robby
Date: 24 May 01 - 04:57 PM

it's....it's....

Oh, no! Mrs. Murphy stewed in her own chowder. A grim sight, to be sure.

"Celia, my dear. It would be a shame to let this food go to waste. Won't you join me?"

But, just as they sat at the table and took spoon in hand....


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: JenEllen
Date: 25 May 01 - 02:38 AM

....they unwitting tripped another of the traps of Tut-Tut-Mud-Kat-mose III!!!

For the wall behind them broke it's seal in a cloud of glitter dust!!! The curse of the master builder Ka-Tel and his ancient cult of Sha-Na-Ra had been unleashed upon the unwitting chowder heads...

From behind the smoke and glitter came the silken wrapped forms, each bearing a crystal skull in their decaying hands. The first strains of "Thoth and Nun are Here to Stay" filled the small cavern.

"Ammun to THAT!" leaked Professor Collander. Celia, however, took one look at the dessicated ducktails and fainted dead away.


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 25 May 01 - 05:29 AM

Lurking behind a pillar of great antiquity two shadowy figures whisper furtively.

"This make our fortune, boss" hisses the short one with bulging eyes and sweaty forhead.

"Indeed, indeed, my greedy little friend" smirked the large fat one clothed in pristine white suit and topped with the obligatory fez. "But let us wait awhile. We will let the stupid Englees do the hard work and then reap the rewards of his labour when we steal the golden mask. Mwahaha..."

The back out of the dusty corridor. Bulging eyes looking admiringly at Mr. Fez. Stepping once more into the starlit desert night the sneak across the dunes to a waiting completely inappropriate 8 litre 4 ton automobile.

"Abdula? Abdula, where are you you lazy good for noth..."

Bulgy eyes stumbles over the still body of a young arab, his blank eyes staring at the sparkling heavens. Mr Fez grabs Mr Eyes with a look of horror.

"Who... What... Why..? My beautiful Abdula..." Fez's eyes fill with a mixture of tears and hate as he scans the horizon but all he can make out is the hump on the camel. And the inscrutable smile on the sphinx....


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 25 May 01 - 05:40 AM

..not another victim of the mysterious Sheik Al-Hansell the mullah of Wadi-el-Mudkat?
RtS


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: Charley Noble
Date: 25 May 01 - 08:57 AM

And the "Ants were Blowin' in the Wind."


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: LR Mole
Date: 25 May 01 - 10:20 AM

But what else do the dunes bury? Only the (pregnant) chador knows.


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: Peter T.
Date: 25 May 01 - 04:34 PM

They ran down the narrowing corridor, followed by the shuffle beat of the mummified rock stars. They turned a tight corner, and the floor disappeared, and they found themselves in a brand new very old room, stacked with what appeared to be boxes, wires, cabinets. Celia got up and brushed herself off, which was in fact a task that the Professor had been saving for himself, but no matter. He struck a match, and the match did not fight back, but lit up. "Goodness, Celia!!" Which were not exactly words she had heard juxtaposed in awhile, but she was prepared to go with the Nilotic flow here.
"Celia, I believe we are in the room of the Ancient Discarded Recording Technologies!! Yes!" And he picked up a cassette, "yes, here is something from the Beta Period; and over here -- he pointed to the wall -- are Surroundsound speakers! Extraordinary." Celia moved across the room, and tripped over something called a "Smell-o-Sound" jukebox. It sprang to life exuding a disgusting smell, and the sounds of Frank Sinatra's Duets album.
"Professor, we cannot go on like this, the smell will kill us."
"It is somewhat odoriferous, though Bono does have a way with words."
"Professor!!!"
They ran.


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: Linda Kelly
Date: 25 May 01 - 05:41 PM

The heat and oppressive darkness closed in on them, forcing Celia to undo the top buttons of her blouse. 'Professor! Professor! I can't go on -I can hardly breathe!' the Professor wiped the sweat from his brow ' Big breaths Celia!' 'Yeth and I'm only sixthteen!' she lisped.


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: MMario
Date: 15 Jun 01 - 12:41 PM

refresh


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: Donuel
Date: 15 Jun 01 - 01:11 PM

Hot or not we can't risk eating these Nathans hot dogs I've had in my pack for 2 days without cooking them, said the professor. Celias said , I can build a fire in the kings chamber sarcophagous with some of the papyrus and Sinatra records we found. No sooner than the odiferous fire was at its peak the last ancient working butterfy valve closed from the windy air flow in the kings chamber that had not seen ignition for 3,000 years. Whats that , said the professor. Deep in the bowels of the pyramid the hydraulic ram pump groaned as water was making its way up from the well. Celia said , I think its my stomach growling , I don't think this hot dog was cooked enough.

Little did they know that with the ancient ratchets long gone , what was about to to be pulled up the grand gallery toward the kings chamber from the remnants of the great hydraulic ram pump (which was the principle purpose of the great pyramid) was a fate worse than rancid tepid hot dogs...


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: Donuel
Date: 15 Oct 01 - 05:48 PM

Just then they heard a shriek ... "INFIDELS !!" It was Sheik Al-bin Hansell the mullah of Wadi-el-Trolla. They started to run as fast as they could...


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: Rollo
Date: 16 Oct 01 - 09:27 AM

Meanwhile on the river nile...

"Ach-TUNK!!!" Two rows of young, healthy men clad in blue and white stood still in attention, while Baron von Struck entered the vessel, accompanied by his scheming informant from cairo, the rechless monsieur Mondieu. Captain Wassermann saluted and awaited his orders. Baron von Struck glances at the sailors through his monocle and nods, satisfied with the sight.
"Well, well, dearr Mondieu, yourr inforrmations have prroven corrrect. The english prrofessor seems to have found the lost city of grrammophon. Now the time has come to act forr us... Oh what a fool he is! He has no imagination of what he holds in his hand!! we will seize him of his discoverries, and with the power of OUM PTHA PTAH we will rre-install ourr beloved Kaiserr to the thrrone of the Rreich!!! HARR, HARR, HARR, HARR..."

And on his nodding, Captain Wasserman shouted a command. The sailors started stripping down diverse parts on deck of the seiling vessel, and with precise movements converted it into a steam cannon boat of six guns ... on the shore, a group of bedouines dropped their white sheets and revealed grey infantry uniforms, a bulky tank grinded through the sand, and behind the dunes a zeppelin rose into the sky...


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Subject: RE: Another Mudcat Tale:Curse of the Mudcat!
From: The_one_and_only_Dai
Date: 16 Oct 01 - 09:38 AM

"Quick! In here!" gasped Celia, the sheen of perspiration on her long, proud limbs causing many a fluffed note. She had ducked into a niche in the side of the passage. As the professor stepped in behind/in front, CLICK!!

The combined weight of the harassed pair had triggered a concelaed catch - and the ancient, impenetrable stone before them swung away to reveal a passage.

The breathless pair stepped, breathlessly, into the dark. In the gloom ahead could be seen a faint shaft of light, illuminating...

"What is it?" breathed Celia, huskily and pneumatically. "It looks like a..."

The professor intoned gravely. "A possum with a hole in its ass".


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