BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!

Subject: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 28 May 01 - 02:30 PM

From a stupid friend of mine...

Reasons to live in Canada...by province

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA
1. Weed
2. Vancouver: 1.8 million people and two bridges
3. The local hero is a pot-smoking snowboarder
4. The local wine doesn't taste like malt vinegar
5. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is 5 hours from downtown
6. A university with a nude beach
7. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations
8. If a cop pulls you over, just offer them some of your hash
9. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on
10. Cannabis

________________________________________
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN ALBERTA
1. Big Rock Beer
2. Preston Manning
3. Tax is 7 percent instead of approx. 200 percent
4. The Premier is a fat alcoholic with a grade 4 education
5. Flames vs. Oilers
6. Stamps vs. Eskies
7. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of
8. Eventually, it will be your town's turn to ban VLT's
9. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups
10. You can attempt to murder your rich oil tycoon husband and get away with it.

_________________________________________________
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN SASKATCHEWAN
1. You never run out of wheat
2. Those cool Saskatchewan Wheat Pool hats
3. Cruise control takes on a whole new meaning
4. Your province is really easy to draw
5. You never have to worry about roll-back if you have a standard
6. It takes you two weeks to walk to your neighbor's house
7. YOUR Roughriders survived
8. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours
9. People will assume you live on a farm
10. Buying a huge John Deere mower makes sense

__________________________________________
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN MANITOBA
1. You wake up one morning to find you suddenly have beach front property
2. Amusing town names like "Flin Flon" and "Winnipeg"
3. All your local bands make it big and move to Toronto
4. The only province to ever violently rebel against the federal government
5. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes
6. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter
7. You don't need a car, just take the canoe to work
8. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood
9. Because of your license plate, you are still "friendly" even when you cut someone off
10. Pass the time watching trucks and barns float by

_________________________________________
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO
1. You live in the center of the universe
2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump
3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election
4. There's no such thing as an Ontario Separatist
5. Your grandparents sold booze to the States during Prohibition
6. Lots of tourists come to Toronto because they mistakenly believe it's a cool city
7. The only province with hard-core American-style crime
8. Much Music's Speaker's Corner - rant and rave on national TV for a dollar
9. Baseball fans park on your front lawn and pee on the side of your house
10. Mike Harris: basically a sober Ralph Klein

________________________________________
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC
1. Everybody assumes you're an asshole
2. Racism is socially acceptable
3. The only province to ever kidnap federal politicians
4. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbor will move out next
5. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada
6. The FLQ
7. Your hockey team is made up entirely of dirty French guys
8. The province with the oldest, nastiest hookers
9. NON-smokers are the outcasts
10. You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo bastards"

__________________________________________________
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK
1. You are sandwiched between French assholes and drunken celtic fiddlers
2. One way or another, the government gets 98 percent of your income
3. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies
4. When listing the provinces, everyone forgets to mention yours
5. The economy is based on fish, cows, and ferrying Ontario motorists to Boston
6. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick
7. You have French people, but they don't want to kill you
8. Everybody has a Grandfather who runs a lighthouse
9. Just as charming as Maine, but with more unemployed fishermen
10. You probably live in a small seaside cottage with no television

______________________________________________
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA
1. The only place in North America to get bombed in the war... by a moron who set a munitions ship on fire
2. Your province is shaped like male genitalia
3. Everyone is a fiddle player
4. If someone asks if you're a Newfie, you are allowed to kick their ass
5. The local hero is an insane, fiddle playing, sexual pervert
6. The province that produced Rita MacNeil, the world's largest land mammal
7. You are the reason Anne Murray makes money
8. You can pretend you have Scottish heritage as an excuse to wear a kilt
9. The economy is based on fish, lobster, and fiddle music
10. Even though it smells like dead sea animals, Halifax is considered Canada's most beautiful city

__________________________________________________
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE ON PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND
1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island, you still got the big-ass bridge
2. You can walk across the province in half an hour
3. You were probably once an extra on "Road to Avonlea"
4. This is where all those tiny red potatoes come from
5. The economy is based on fish, potatoes, and CBC TV shows
6. Tourists arrive, see the "Anne of Green Gables" house, then promptly leave
7. You can drive across the the province in two minutes
8. It doesn't matter to you if Quebec separates
9. You don't share a border with the Americans, or with anyone for that matter
10. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night

___________________________________________
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND
1. The poorest, stupidest, drunkest province in Confederation
2. If Quebec Separates, you will float off to sea
3. In the rare case when someone moves to the Rock, you can make them kiss a dead cod
4. The economy is based on fish, seafood, and fish-related products
5. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse
6. You understand the meaning of Great Big Sea's lyrics
7. The work day is about two hours long
8. You are credited with many great inventions, like the solar-powered flashlight and the screen door for submarines
9. If someone asks if you're from Nova Scotia, you are allowed to kick their ass
10. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders on your wedding day

Go'damn it's good to be Canadian!

LOL!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 May 01 - 03:13 PM

Geez, Clinton, that pretty well covers it!

By the way, Nova Scotia was NOT "The only place in North America to get bombed in the war". A very small Japanese plane, launched off a very large Japanese submarine, actually managed to drop a couple of little bombs on the America west coast. I think it was in Oregon or Washington, and I believe the pilot targeted some factory building. I don't know if anyone noticed at the time (the US military certainly did not), but it did happen.

Call it the "Doo-almost-nothing Raid"!

Other than that...Go, Canada, Go!!!

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: MarkS
Date: 28 May 01 - 03:32 PM

So what happened to the Northwest Territories?

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 May 01 - 03:59 PM

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN THE NORTHWEST TERRITORIES 1. The poorest, stupidest, drunkest territories in Confederation 2. It's too damn cold for WalMart 3. In the very rare case when someone moves here you can make them kiss a dead wolverine...or, if they're really stupid, an iron fence pole 4. Whole lotta snow! 5. If you do something stupid, no one will even notice the difference 6. You don't understand the meaning of Great Big Sea's lyrics 7. Work for 3 months/Drink for 9 months 8. Get to wrestle polar bears and have sex with all your clothes still on, but not at the same time. 9. If someone says it's cold, you are allowed to kick their ass 10. It is socially acceptable to wear your parka in the shower if it still works...the shower, I mean...

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: kendall
Date: 28 May 01 - 04:02 PM

Or the Yukon? What about the baloon bombs that the Japanese sent over here? Some of them went off.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 May 01 - 04:14 PM

You're right! I'd forgotten about that. The thing is, people are usually bombed in the Yukon anyway, so I doubt they would have noticed.

Boy, you gotta admire those Japanese for trying though... :-)

They also had a plan to bomb the Panama Canal, but never actually succeeded in doing so.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: CamiSu
Date: 28 May 01 - 04:47 PM

And what about Nunavet? -J

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: CamiSu
Date: 28 May 01 - 04:48 PM

And damn - here I am, considering two years in Newfoundland...

-J, on her mother's account.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: SeanM
Date: 28 May 01 - 06:17 PM

Reading this, the main thing that pops to mind...

'Look at the Yukon,
With its' bloody big forests
Isn't it grand, boys, to be bloody well lost
Let's have some lager,
then shoot at some bloody caribou,
And always remember because you live here,
There's nothing else for you to do..."


M
(Not in or from Canada, but dear gods - never give an ex-Canadian beer and talk to him about his home. Makes you wonder why anyone lives north of the 'strip' anyway...)

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: gnu
Date: 29 May 01 - 06:39 AM

J, c/o CamiSu.... two years on the Rock and you may never leave ! Where on the Granite Planet are you "considering" ? I have travelled/worked extensively in NF and can tell you straight up that Newfies are friendly, humourous, ... don't get me started... I may never leave.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: GUEST,little john cameron
Date: 29 May 01 - 10:07 AM

J/CAMISUE,Gnu is right.Nfld can't be beat for music.I suppose you are heading for St Johns.Go to Erins pub and ask for me.Gnu,where are you? ljc

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: GUEST,a proud Canadian
Date: 29 May 01 - 10:22 AM

According to Clinton Hammond:

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC 1. Everybody assumes you're an asshole 2. Racism is socially acceptable 3. The only province to ever kidnap federal politicians 4. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbor will move out next 5. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada 6. The FLQ 7. Your hockey team is made up entirely of dirty French guys 8. The province with the oldest, nastiest hookers 9. NON-smokers are the outcasts 10. You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo bastards"

****

In case anyone thinks that there's truth in Clinton's racist attempt to be funny at the expense of French Quebecers, I will point out that the "province" never kidnapped "federal politicians."

Only one PROVINCIAL politician and one British diplomat were ever kidnapped. Not by the province, but by the FLQ, in October 1970, more than thity years ago.

Clinton further cites the FLQ as one of his reasons. The FLQ was smashed in 1970.

Many of Clinton's other lists do reflect an "attempt" to be funny. However, when it comes to Quebec and French Canadians, he proves himself a racist.

Why is Mudcat such a magnet for racists?

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Wavestar
Date: 29 May 01 - 10:28 AM

Ahh.. here under my own cookie. :)

I am, as LJC astutely guessed, looking at two years graduate work at Memorial University of Newfoundland, in St Johns. I'm looking forward to the music. Don't know much about the place, though, or the program I'm considering... yet. I'll come visit sometime.

a proud Canadian - We knew ClintonHammond was joking. he does that a lot. Sometimes it raises people's hackles, mine included. But we also know that what he says is stereotype and exaggeration. Hey, Quebec is my northern neighbour, I've met lots of great Quebecers. Life's too short to let everyone bother you :)

-J

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: GUEST,a proud Canadian
Date: 29 May 01 - 10:37 AM

Yes, I am bothered by racism.

I find it very sad that so often, Mudcat is a forum for the spread of racism under the excuse of "joking."

There is nothing funny in the propagation of racist stereotypes.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Wavestar
Date: 29 May 01 - 10:52 AM

Then don't laugh. I didn't. (not at that one anyhow.) Maybe it's just too beautiful a day for me to be getting upset.

-J

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: GUEST,a proud Canadian
Date: 29 May 01 - 10:57 AM

You don't take issue with racism, but you do take issue with someone who does.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 29 May 01 - 11:11 AM

Excuse me, but when did Canada become a race? Ingroup-outgroup stereotypes, maybe, but being a Canadian doesn't say anything more about your race than being American does. You might be Caucasian or Native American or have ancestors from Europe, Asia, South America, you name it, and be Canadian. Or American. Speaking French might also make for stereotyping, but again, it isn't RACIAL stereotyping. When I learned French, I did not become a member of a different race than I had been born to... or did I miss something? Is all making fun of "them" (in contrast to whatever Us you want to be for the nonce) now racism? And whatever happened to Vive la Différence, anyway? Can't these things be taken as celebratory of the differences amongst folks, or are those very differences now to be whitewashed (I choose my terms carefully) to avoid the possibility of "different" meaning "less/more" --or can we notice the differences and cherish them, even make fun of them, because they are a good thing to have around and to notice? Just wondering...

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: GUEST,a proud Canadian
Date: 29 May 01 - 11:18 AM

Canadians are not a race.

However, the term "racism" is not exclusive to racial prejudice.

The Webster dictionary next to my desk defines the word "racism" as: "pejudice against certain peoples."

French Canadians are a certain people.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 29 May 01 - 11:29 AM

Ah, new definitions, I see. I will continue to use Racism to mean Racism, and prejudice to mean (less specific) prejudice. Will try to remember to define my terms, though! Man o man, wonder what's next. By that definition, sexism is racism! At least, I *think* women are people, as are men, as are lesbians, as are... and so on...(Not making fun of YOU, GuestAPC, just of what English is being turned into by the PC police...)

How about we at the Mudcat, at least, keep the term Prejudice to mean prejudice? And racism to mean Prejudice based on race, and Sexism to mean Prejudice based on sex... and Agism = prejudice based on age, and so on. No need to usurp a perfectly good term with its own specific meaning to mean a generic thing that we already have a term for...

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Metchosin
Date: 29 May 01 - 11:30 AM

Not to be left out of places bombed by the Japanese, they also lobbed a shell at Vancouver Island, near Bamfield. So there....We've been stoned and bombed.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: GUEST,a proud Canadian
Date: 29 May 01 - 11:35 AM

Mrrzy said: "Ah, new definitions, I see."

No, not a "new" definition. A Webster dictionary definition and a common use of the term.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 29 May 01 - 11:39 AM

It's new to me, and it's new compared to the original definition. Quibble with a master, will you! Ah ha ha ha ha!

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 29 May 01 - 11:46 AM

*sigh*

This guest needs that bran muffin...

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 29 May 01 - 11:51 AM

Hey proud Canadian!

read this!

Threads/Posts you don't Like?

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: GUEST,a proud Canadian
Date: 29 May 01 - 11:57 AM

I've read that thread. Your suggestion is that if you don't like a thread, ignore it.

Well, I'm sorry. I grew up in the folk music revival and one of the things that I learned from people like Pete Seeger is that you confront racism and prejudice, you don't ignore it.

Ignoring racism and prejudice at Mudcat is to enable it.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 29 May 01 - 12:01 PM

I am going to defend GuesttheProudCanadian. Basically, I was also annoyed to see yet another Top Ten Stereotypes about yet another something, but it didn't BOTHER me enough to respond to that aspect of it, I just didn't read the thread. At first. Then (for some reason) I read some of the postings, and took exception (and still do) to the usurping of a specific term, Racism, to mean something generic, to wit, Prejudice. But I can see that if you belong to one of the groups being so lampooned, that it might bother you more than it did me, not being Canadian. But I agree with ClintonHammond et al. that it ought to have been obvious that it WAS a lampoon, and so arguing each particular point with mere facts isn't going to get you far...

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 29 May 01 - 12:02 PM

Well then APC, consider yourself ENABLED!

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)
Date: 29 May 01 - 12:03 PM

Poor Clinton... can't crack a joke without pissing off a Mudcat PC Police Hound. LMAO buddy ( I'm an ex Anglo Quebecer) He is pretty close to the truth with his comments, but few Canadians want to hear it. Canada would rather see immigrants and minorities intimidated, and made to feel unwanted, so Quebec can continue unchallenged attempts to lingually clense the State of Quebec. Racism and prejudice are alive and well but apparently you have to be French Canadian to get away with it in Canada. Yours, (have a Bonjour)Aye. Dave

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 29 May 01 - 12:08 PM

Thanks Dave...

*sniff*

That was beautiful, man...

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 29 May 01 - 12:08 PM

Now now, children, let's play nice! And Lingual Cleansing would be a great name for a rock band, to take a little from Dave Barry!

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: GUEST,JohnB
Date: 29 May 01 - 12:39 PM

CH does seem to try to piss people off at times but in this case his first phrase in the posting says "From a stupid friend of mine... " So in this case the credit is not entirely his. It is obviously meant to be humerous. If it gives a tinge of pain here and there, I would tend to say "The truth hurts" What gives me far more touble on this particular thread is a supposedly "PROUD CANADIAN" who is too shit scared to use his/her own name. JohnB who like DTAM is an exAnglo who spent 2 years in Quebec, and althogh mostly posts as a guest is a member, who posts mostly from work.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Bill D
Date: 29 May 01 - 12:40 PM

Quebec is Canada's Texas, only the language barrier is not as extreme for the Canadians...*grin*

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: GUEST,a proud Canadian
Date: 29 May 01 - 12:45 PM

Someone who calls himself "JohnB" attacks me for not using my own name.

Only at Mudcat.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 29 May 01 - 12:59 PM

Bill, I thought that was Maine...........Talk about a language barrier!!! I spent 20 minutes "talking" with a police officer in Kennebunkport once and neither of us could figure out what the other one was saying. We finally wrote notes.

Now Texans aren't so bad, you just have to know when they're telling the truth and when they're lying. If you see lip movement, they're lying.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 29 May 01 - 01:08 PM

Good one BillD!

LOL!!

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Metchosin
Date: 29 May 01 - 01:22 PM

Yeah, you tell 'em Guest! Where do they get off sayin' that just 'cause we speak English and live in BC, that our brains are somehow chemically altered.*BG*

Gee, too bad we didn't quite manage a seat for the only truly grass roots party here in BC in the election last week.....or was it 2 weeks ago....its hard to remember when you live in ....uh....em....BC, yeah, that's it.

Racism - from race - a group of persons, animals or plants, connected by a common descent of origin; a group of persons, animals or plants having a common feature or features. hmmm....from a proud race of heads....looking out my window pane at strawberry fields forever, here on the wet coast......we love you Alice B. Toklas.

Then again, if BC passed a law that stated that signs on Chinese businesses had to be in English only, rather than Cantonese, it would be fair cop to say that the "racism" in this Province, is publiclly institutionalized too.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 May 01 - 01:45 PM

Yup. When any particular group of people try to have it all their own way at the expense of others, and legislate it so, that sounds a lot like racism to me...or fascism...or some kind of unpleasant "ism".

Everyone has some degree of prejudice in them...the question is, what do they do about it when they're in a position to dictate social policy? Do they keep their nasty side under control or do they yield to it?

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Metchosin
Date: 29 May 01 - 01:53 PM

ufffffffffhhhuuhmmmmmm!......................ahhhh! Yeah right, man, the French words just have to be first and bigger.......uffffffffffhummmm..............ahhhh!.....far out!....

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Mooh
Date: 29 May 01 - 02:05 PM

I've been to Quebec and I don't find it as alien as parts of Toronto. (Now, now, I'm not knocking TO, half my family lives there.) In fact, some of it seemed alot like the Bruce Peninsula, land of my birth, where a separatist movement could also be based on language and culture, except that the Indians and the monolingual whites would be like the Anglo and French of Quebec.

My point is that you don't have to go very far in this country to notice vast differences in peoples and their origins, that's why we're known as the cultural mosaic as opposed to the melting pot (right?) to the south.

As for Clinton's stupid friend's list, I had a wry little chuckle, having read these sorts of things lots of times, and got on with life. I though that Canadians generally poked fun at themselves with less malice than the responses here indicate.

Sigh indeed. Mooh.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 May 01 - 02:34 PM

They usually do, Mooh. "Only On Mudcat"'s response was a bit unusual for Canada.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)
Date: 29 May 01 - 02:50 PM

In case anyone thinks that I am maligning French Canadians My best man is a French Canadian married to a woman from England; Godfather to my son, and part Algonquin. He is a man who is as close to me as a real brother. I lived in the Province of Quebec for five and a half years, and love the place. Quebec city is one of the most loveliest sights I have ever seen. One of my best friends is an English immigrant married to a French Canadian girl. Their children call me Uncle/Oncle; and one (I was a regular babysitter)rarely spoke English with me until she was a teenager. The politics of Quebec, however, leave much to be desired. Le Votre, Aye. Dave

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: GUEST,Ernst Zundel
Date: 29 May 01 - 03:03 PM

Dear Clinton,

I loved your jokes. I'm LOL.

Your're my kind of guy.

EZ in Toronto

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Metchosin
Date: 29 May 01 - 03:21 PM

yeah Ernst? Do you really think we poor, stoned, drunken ignorant, assholes really give a shit what you find humourous?

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: hesperis
Date: 29 May 01 - 03:49 PM

"4. There's no such thing as an Ontario Separatist"

You don't think so? I know too many stupid anglo white people who would love to see Quebec seperate because they didn't get good marks in french class. Oh, you meant ONTARIO seperate? HA HA HA!

Oh, and if you wanted to be accurate, "Toronto" would have been a list all to itself. (Well, in a way it was, but there should have been a list for "Ontario", too.)

_________________________________________
TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO
1. You don't live in Toronto
2. Lots of tourists come, trying to get away from Toronto
3. Lakes that you can swim in without dissolving
4. You decide the outcome of federal elections
5. Swamps are good habitat for songbirds
6. Towns are good habitat for Wal-marts
7. An equal number of churches and bars in every town
8. Police are more concerned about their doughnuts than about crime
9. 4-season cottages
10. You can get insect repellent in gallon jugs

And one real good reason to live in ontario: Apple trees!

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: mousethief
Date: 29 May 01 - 03:59 PM

How is it racist to point out that discriminatory francophone laws are wrong? Or is discrimination just wrong when Anglophones do it, or comment about others doing it?

And it is a rather interesting NEW use of "race" to use it to refer to French Canadians. I don't buy it.

Alex

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Metchosin
Date: 29 May 01 - 04:54 PM

Not a new use Alex, in fact, far older than the more recent term of racism:

A) Common descent of origin:

1 the offspring or posterity of a person
2 a set of children or descendants
3 a generation
4 a limited group of persons descended from a common ancestor; a house, family, kindred
5 a tribe, nation or people regarded as of common stock
6 a group of several tribes or peopls forming a distinct ethnical stock
7 Mankind, in early use always the human race, the race of men or mankind.
8 the fact or condition of belonging to a particular people or ethnical stock.

9. One of the great divisions of mankind, having certain physical peculiarities in common.

Or
B) A group or class having some common feature or features.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Spud Murphy
Date: 29 May 01 - 04:57 PM

I heard they were going to outlaw the use of francophones on the interstate. Too many fatalities. I don't know about anglophones. Isn't that the one with the bent earpiece?

Spud

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: mousethief
Date: 29 May 01 - 05:12 PM

Did your dictionary come with usage notes? I don't think anybody ever used "race" to refer to all the people of one country who speak a minority language (as opposed to all speakers of a given language, or all members of a given country). I am willing to be corrected, howeveer, if you can find such a usage in literature.

Alex

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 May 01 - 05:26 PM

Anglophones are equally dangerous in fact, and even more common around here. The Toronto police have been hitting drivers with whopping fines for using either Anglophones or Francophones while navigating the 401 (highway). :-)

It is true that the best thing about being in Ontario is not being in Toronto. Kind of like New York City and the rest of New York State.

For great restaurants and good hobby shops, however, you can't beat Toronto...

Mousethief - discrimination is only wrong when people you don't agree with do it!...(extreme sarcasm). (and I am using the word "you" in the generic sense in that sentence, rather than specifically referring to Mousethief).

For instance, from late 1941 to 1945 virtually all Americans hated the Japanese (and we all know why). During those years that was not called discrimination, it was called patriotism. The discrimination that it fostered on the home front against Japanese-American civilians was not considered wrong at all...at the time.

Of course, people were scared. The usual story.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: mousethief
Date: 29 May 01 - 05:28 PM

Well said, LH.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: GUEST
Date: 29 May 01 - 05:46 PM

Definition of racism

The ICERD (International Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Racial Discrimination) defines racism as follows:

"Any distinction, exclusion, restriction, or preference based on race, colour, descent, or national or ethnic origin which has the purpose or effect of nullifying or impairing the recognition, enjoyment, or exercise, on equal footing, of human rights and fundamental freedoms in the political, economic, social, cultural, or any other field of public life."

The International Council on Human Rights Policy (IHCRP) argues: "racism has not disappeared… we confront forms of racism that are covert or more complex or are linked to wider issues, such as changes in the nature of the state, gender discrimination, or marginalisation due to developments in the global economy." http://www.sahrc.org.za/definition_of_racism.htm

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Bill D
Date: 29 May 01 - 06:15 PM

to heck with 'racism', I am well on my way to be a total misanthrope if this extreme ranting from every 'politically correct' soapbox continues. There are points to be made, but some folks just want EVERYONE to sign up to their point of view...(especially if they don't have to tell you who they are)...I have some strong opinions, too, but with a little bit of effort, you could call me on the phone and discuss it....lordy, I am tired of anonymous hecklers and complainers!

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: ddw
Date: 29 May 01 - 09:15 PM

I think GuestAPC uses the term "racism" for the same reason a lot of people do — the shock impact. It's sorta like calling somebody the most hateful insult you can muster.

Either that or — the second most common reason — their vocabularies aren't large enough to know the right word for what they're trying to say.

The other thing that strikes me about G/APC — after the fact that he/she is apparently not a member and not willing to identify him/herself — is that the vitriolic attack on anyone who makes a joke about himself (which CH and/or his stupid friend did) and others based on some real and some exaggerated characteristics is almost on a level with racism for the sheer stupidity of it.

You can't spew that much hatred if you're not full of hatred to start with.

cheers, all —

except G/APC.... Up your nose, goof.

david

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Mad Tom
Date: 29 May 01 - 11:19 PM

"...place in North America to get bombed in the war."
I suppose you could add The Trinity site in the Alamogordo Desert. It did take a bit of a thump.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: flattop
Date: 30 May 01 - 12:32 AM

A Canadian quoting a Websters dictionary? You should be ashamed of yourself, not proud. Webster wrote dictionaries as an anti-British gesture. That would make him racist (or a dead racist) by the modern edition of his dictionaries that you quote. Getting back at the British is not a good reason to write a dictionary.

Websters have never recovered. They still publish dreadful dictionaries. I believe Funk and Wagnells is an American company. They publish excellent dictionaries.

The list that Clinton sent has been around for over a year. I thought that the dog running away from home in Saskatchewan line was great.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 May 01 - 01:19 AM

Way to go, flattop! We should do a list for Orillia, but I'm afraid not too many people would understand it if we did.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: CarolC
Date: 30 May 01 - 02:37 AM

Is it even possible to get Websters in Canada? flattop assured me that Canadian border guards confiscate them from Americans entering Canada.

...at least that's what he said when he told me not to bring mine.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: hesperis
Date: 30 May 01 - 02:39 AM

I hate to have to be the one to break this to you, Carol...

flattop lied.

We only WISH they were confiscated!

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Owlkat
Date: 30 May 01 - 03:43 AM

Clinton, justifying starting a thread based on a "stupid" friend's crass sense of humour does little more than clearly demonstrate just how much the two of you have in common, and it's quite underwhelming.

Racism? Take it somewhere else, please.

Vis a vis dictionaries, I notice my Funk and Wagnell Canadian College dictionary was created and printed in the U.S. I prefer the Oxford, myself. Hm...

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Metchosin
Date: 30 May 01 - 05:10 AM

Alex, to add more trivia to the mix, the dictionary I quoted, I believe, is The Oxford Dictionary of the English Language (the kind that was used in Canadian school libraries when I was young; the kind adolescents used to look up "bad" words, when the librarian wasn't looking). However, the front and rear cover is missing from the weighty tome, as well as some of the last pages, hence the missing title. It does contain usage notes for the word "race", a partial list follows:

Re: grouping by ethnicity-
"That Pigmean Race Beyond the Indian Mount" (Milton)
"The second great variety in the human species seems to be that of the Tartar race." (Goldsmith)
Re: descendants of a common ancestor or family-
"The Boubon are by no means a cruel race." (Sterne)
Re: natural or inherited disposition-
"I giue my sensuall race, its reine (Shakespear)
Re: having some common feature or features-
"The race of leaned men, still at their books" (Thompson)
or in the case of a head from BC, still one toke over the line.

There are many more, but its late and the print is small.

Interesting that the word "racism" doesn't appear in the English language until 1942 and is defined then as: "The theory that fundamental characteristics of race are preserved by an unchanging tradition."

I didn't think there would be so many variations regarding the use of the word "race" in the English language either, but I guess my beat up old dictionary demonstrates that in more recent years, the English language has become ever less colourful and definitely more limited in the scope of usage.

A shame really, we seem to loose a considerable depth of expression of feelings and ideas as a result.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: flattop
Date: 30 May 01 - 07:54 AM

Yeah, Oxford dictionaries are almost as good as Funk and Wagnell's. Could have used a dictionary to check my spelling. Did you notice how that Shakespar guy couldn't spell Sinsull?

starting the:

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN Orillia 1. You can walk to Couchiching park and polish the racist monument of Samy de Champlain with all the bronzed Indians gather around his bronzed explorer feet begging him, 'Oh please great big white man, tell us about your god. He is so much better than ours.'

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Spud Murphy
Date: 30 May 01 - 10:47 AM

I got a buntch uh dictionarys but the won I uze most is the hewton miflen won thats called the american herutidge dikshunery of the inglitch languidge becuz its got the most pitchers.

Spud

speshuly the pitchures abowt fizzyallagy.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 30 May 01 - 01:34 PM

In the immortal words....

"Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke"

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Devilmaster
Date: 30 May 01 - 01:40 PM

I'm so sorry I didn't jump in earlier! I got so much to say and so little time.

A proud Canadian, your first msg said, that while Clinton's other lists made an attempt to be funny, when it comes to French Canadians and Quebec he proves to be a racist.
If he left the Quebec list out, does that mean you wouldn't have said anything? You seem to only had problems with the Quebec list.
That means you're not worried about racism cause you didn't care about the stereo-typing of the other provinces. You just cared about YOURS.
You saw the humour in his other lists, but not Quebec's. Hmmmm.

Now i've been to Quebec many times, its a beautiful province.(take the 40 at sunset near the lakes for a spectacular view)
But I do take offense with any province that forces businesses to have two signs with the larger being French. In what you consider racism to be, the sign law would be racist to Anglo-Quebecers. Especially the English towns in Quebec near the Ontario border where this usually happens. Anglos, representing the minority in Quebec, are FORCED to put up signs to comply with a provincial law, made by the majority. That is racism by your own definiton, APC. Do you have a problem with your provinces language law? I should hope so, cause its racist, by your own definiton of racism.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: mousethief
Date: 30 May 01 - 01:46 PM

Surely the "race of learned men" is metaphorical usage?

Alex

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Devilmaster
Date: 30 May 01 - 01:49 PM

btw, that was really good spud murphy.....
I laughed my ass off. (sorry, I dont use those little acronyms. Or, SIDUTLA) :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 May 01 - 01:51 PM

Yep. Racism, like prejudice, is always something the OTHER guy does. Come to think of it, stupidity seems to fall under that criterion as well. Odd, isn't it?

There is a long and glorious tradition in Canada of Canadians making jokes at their own expense. To deliberately leave Quebec and its inhabitants out of the equation might well be deemed discriminatory in itself...

So take off, eh?

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Devilmaster
Date: 30 May 01 - 01:57 PM

damn straight lh, damn straight.

*stepping off soapbox*

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 30 May 01 - 02:35 PM

If this one ain't some crap..................

Clinton, to you and your stupid friend, thanks. I laughed my ass off and probably missed 10% of the jokes from lack of specific knowledge.

To any of you offended..........Come on now. I admit that the line of bigotry can be fine, but this one could obviously mean no harm at all. We poke fun at states all the time around here, my favorite target being Mississippi and Khandu, a Mississippian, could easily see it as bigotry, but he and I both know it is not. If we all didn't have so many things to be ashamed of and an equal amount to like about where we live, we wouldn't be seeing the world too well. We ran a longass thread slamming Ohio and I was thinking that a list like that one with about 5 Top Reasons for each state would be fun.

I used to get very sensitive over terminology issues until I stood back and got a read on the source. Yes, in some cases they reflect the rascism and bigotry of the soul, but in other cases it is only lack of knowledge with nothing bad meant. AND in some cases it's just a laugh, a joke...........and that is NOT ALWAYS A COVER FOR RASCISM as was suggested above.

If I laugh at any mortal thing, 'tis that I may not weep...Lord Byron

It's also a lot easier to see solutions when you're smiling and happy.........Give it a try.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 30 May 01 - 02:37 PM

Glad ya liked it Spaw!

;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Philibuster
Date: 30 May 01 - 03:29 PM

Because it is apparently so damned wrong to have fun mocking our stereotypes, I propose the following.

1. That cats and dogs no longer be shown trying to kill eachother in cartoons, as not all cats and dogs hate eachother. I own a pair that love eachother.

2. That, similarly, cats should no longer be shown in cartoons trying to kill birds. My aunt owned a budgie that would ride around on her cat and call "Kitty!" when she wanted to play with it. The same goes for rats, mice, and other smallish, overly stereotyped creatures.

3. Likewise goes to roadrunners and coyotes.

4. No more jokes will be accepted about stupid players of any instrument. Imm ghetin a bunjoo andd itt hass hadh noo effectt on mee.

5. And finally, I will boycott Spaw's Texan joke for as long as I can keep from laughing at it (being Texan myself).

Anal retentive and PC guests are not who this forum was made for. So if all you tight sphinctered bastards would just shut up and let some of us use this little thing called a sense of humor, I think we could make this a much better place. Face it folks, if you can't make fun of it, there's no reason for it to exist.

Philbuster, who has to pour his teenage angst into SOMETHING.

All of the above was thoroughly checked with a sarcasm detector and has been found to be 100% pure.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 30 May 01 - 05:24 PM

See? The boy must be tellin' the truth 'cause I read that entire post and didn't see any lip movement!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: gnu
Date: 30 May 01 - 06:15 PM

little john cameron... sorry for my tardy reply... haven't read rest of thread yet... I'm in Moncton, NB.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: gnu
Date: 30 May 01 - 06:33 PM

oh yeah... re NB... "The economy is based on fish, cows, and ferrying Ontario motorists to Boston."

Fish... check. Cows... nope. Ferrying Ontario motorists to Boston... nope. Someone needs a geography lesson.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: GUEST,little john cameron
Date: 30 May 01 - 09:35 PM

OK,gnu. For some reason i thought you were in NFLD. LJC

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Philibuster
Date: 30 May 01 - 09:46 PM

Continuing to boycott Spaw's joke as I, through a test of will, have refrained from laughing at it. Even though it is one of the truest and funniest damned things I've heard in a long time.

Philibuster, who just ran out of willpower and sprayed nasal matter all over his screen.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Metchosin
Date: 31 May 01 - 12:28 AM

Alex, not metaphorical usage according to the Oxford, not even an example of something along the lines of a "murder of crows" or a "parliament of owls". A "race of learned men" was cited as an example of "race" as a set or class of persons (1500).

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: CarolC
Date: 31 May 01 - 12:42 AM

In terms of the use of the word 'race', I think there may be a difference between the history of its use in literature, and its use in the scientific community. I'm not sure what that difference would be at this point in scientific history.

When I was in Ontario this past winter, I noticed that imported goods were required to have French labels, but not English labels. I saw some stuff that was imported from Italy that had only Italian and French on the label.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Metchosin
Date: 31 May 01 - 01:07 AM

We seem to be coming to a point when we only recognize words in their most simplistic form, rather like recent immmigrants who have mastered the language, but still don't get the jokes. This is a testamant to the dumbing down of western society and our worship at the altar of science is one of the reasons.

Art is the equation with more than seven variables.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Devilmaster
Date: 31 May 01 - 09:59 PM

Damn! A proud Canadian never came back...... oh well.

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 May 01 - 10:17 PM

He's probably gnashing his teeth in Gatineau or St. Hubert at this very moment, and boycotting Mudcat forever... heh! heh!

He should move to Texas. They're more than proud there. They shoot out the computer screen at the slightest provocation. That's why Microsoft likes Texas so much. Big computer sales down there. UPLOAD THIS, SUCKER! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

By the way, I'm surprised we haven't heard from Lepus Rex regarding the tortoise and the hare story...a blatant example of race prejudice which is still being foisted on generations of innocent children despite doing great damage to the image of rabbits in the public mind.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: JeZeBeL
Date: 31 May 01 - 10:22 PM

ONE GOOD REASON TO LIVE ON PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND...........................................................................BARRACHOIS!! cos they absoloutly ROCK!!

Emma xxx

Subject: RE: BS: Ain't Canada Grand! LOL!!
From: Devilmaster
Date: 31 May 01 - 11:12 PM

If we could only shoot Bill Gates, LH......

If only.....