Help: Throw Granny In The Composter?

Subject: Throw Granny In The Composter?
From: SINSULL
Date: 01 Jun 01 - 12:42 PM

Soylent Green revisited. There has to be a song in here somewhere.

From Sweden:

Turn Buried Bodies Into Organic Soil - Scientist Reuters Jun 1 2001 11:41AM

STOCKHOLM (Reuters) - A Swedish scientist investigating the most environmentally friendly form of burial has found a way of quickly recycling corpses into soil enricher, the Swedish daily Svenska Dagbladet reported on Friday. The new green method, approved by the Church of Sweden, turns the human body into organic matter in a few weeks compared with coffin burial, in which the body takes between 50 and 60 years to decompose.

It was developed by biologist Susanne Wiigh-Masak, who found that cremation emits poisonous gases with unknown effects, making it even less eco-friendly than conventional burial.

In the new green method, the body is immersed in a bath of liquid nitrogen, producing up to 65 pounds of pure organic matter, which is put into a thin, easily degradable coffin.

This is then buried near the ground surface and enriches the soil in the same way as autumn leaves.

On the question of ethics, the Church of Sweden gave its blessing to the new burial method.

"We are promised a new body at the resurrection and so we have no need for the old one," Kerstin Lindqvist, a senior prelate, told Svenska Dagbladet.

Subject: RE: Help: Throw Granny In The Composter?
From: mousethief
Date: 01 Jun 01 - 01:10 PM

Grandmama was Freeze-Dried

Well Grandmama died last Friday
The day was sunny and hot
We laid her out stable on the kitchen table
But soon she began to rot

The smell wandered down the hallway
The paper peeled off the wall
And Grandpapa said, "Now that she's dead,
She's gonna be the death of us all!"

But the Creamatorium is closed now
By the Ministry of Ecology
For it tended to pass its poisonous gas
Into the local biology

Then we heard of a brand-new method
Of disposing of bodies of the dead
Don't burn 'em or bake'em, just freeze 'em and break 'em
Into your flowerbed

Now the roses are taller than ever
They're the local fjord's absolute pride
They grow tall and green, the best ever seen
Since Grandmama was freeze-dried.

(C) 2001 Alex E. Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

Subject: RE: Help: Throw Granny In The Composter?
From: Mrs.Duck
Date: 01 Jun 01 - 01:24 PM

I know my mother would have approved. She said she thought the idea of spending a fortune on a coffin and all the trimmings just to bury it or burn it was ludicrous and requested that she be left out the back of TESCOs with the other rubbish but the undertakers didn't even laugh when I told them this and I still had to hand over £1000-sorry Mum!

Subject: RE: Help: Throw Granny In The Composter?
From: lady penelope
Date: 01 Jun 01 - 02:37 PM

I like it!! I always worried about the immissions from cremation, but I didn't want to be buried ( they won't let you do "sky" burials in england ) I always wanted to be of as much use as possible when I die ( yes I carry an organ donor card, I'm on the donor register and I've told every body that I intend my organs to be up for grabs.) and the left over bits troubled me. Now the problem's solved HURRAH! So now all I need to save up for is enough liquid nitrogen to sink in and a largish cardboard box ( in england they describe proper burial equipment as a "container" and so you can actually get buried in a cardboard box. ) Cheers!

TTFN M'Lady P.

Subject: RE: Help: Throw Granny In The Composter?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 01 Jun 01 - 07:55 PM

Very tasteful, Alex! ;-)

Subject: RE: Help: Throw Granny In The Composter?
From: GUEST,Fred
Date: 02 Jun 01 - 12:51 AM

Well, Lee Hays was cremated and his ashes mixed into his flower garden, as was his request.

Subject: RE: Help: Throw Granny In The Composter?
From: GUEST,Fred
Date: 02 Jun 01 - 12:52 AM

Oops! By the way, great song, mousethief.

Subject: RE: Help: Throw Granny In The Composter?
From: Sorcha
Date: 02 Jun 01 - 01:29 AM

Oh, wah. Way behind on checking Mudcat. This is for me, too! I need to know about embalming, and embalming fluid; i.e. formaldhyde.........it's a bad, nasty chemical, but is used (in the US at least) for preparing cadavers for ground burial. Keeps the "body" from de-composing for about 75-100(?) years........I don't want that!!! Send me back to the earth.

Plant a tree,
Remember me....

Subject: RE: Help: Throw Granny In The Composter?
From: mousethief
Date: 02 Jun 01 - 01:08 PM

Thanks all.

ALex

Subject: RE: Help: Throw Granny In The Composter?
From: Chicken Charlie
Date: 02 Jun 01 - 01:54 PM

The idea goes far, far back. The Emperor Vespacian, a notorious skinflint, was told by overactive boot-lickers that they planned a funeral for him that would cost some exhorbitant number of denarii, and he is supposed to have said, "Give me the money and throw my body into the Tiber." Actually in the US now, some morticians will help you circumvent--or at least will not prevent you from circumventing--the laws on disposal, so I have my eye on a certain pumpkin patch with a lovely mountain view.

CC

Subject: RE: Help: Throw Granny In The Composter?
From: SINSULL
Date: 02 Jun 01 - 10:31 PM

Does anyone remember (besides me) the Twilight Zone episode or was it Tales From The Crypt? A woman is given three wishes. Her last is used to bring her lover back to life. Unfortunately, he has been embalmed and screams in agony as the burning fluids course through his veins. Of course, her wish included immortality - Giant Sigh. I plan on cremation and getting tossed on the sidewalk after the first snow storm. Screw the pollutants!

Subject: RE: Help: Throw Granny In The Composter?
From: GUEST,Lizzie Dripping
Date: 03 Jun 01 - 01:19 AM

What a great idea! So if you havn't got a flowerbed of your own you could be packed in a suitable small container and put on the shelves of the garden centre. They could then be sectioned into 'didn't do much when alive - will probably work now dead!' or '100% vegetarian great for your kitchen garden!' - what will happen to all the smokers though - they would have to be classed as non biodegradable due to toxins!

Subject: RE: Help: Throw Granny In The Composter?
From: DaveJ
Date: 03 Jun 01 - 04:36 AM

Mousethief,
Great song...What's the tune?

I always wanted to be 'toasted and tossed' in a local lake or stream. Now I can be "freeze-dried and fertilizer."

DaveJ

Subject: RE: Help: Throw Granny In The Composter?
From: Billy the Bus
Date: 03 Jun 01 - 04:57 AM

Thanks Sinsull,

Ummm...

Can't quite make out from topic thread, and your initial post - is the freeze-dry product shredded before "burial"? I assume so for the breakdown time.

What a wonderful eco-fiendly idea.

And, Mousethief, I have theived your ratty poem for inclusion in my next Lions Club Bulletin...;)

Cheers - Sam

Subject: RE: Help: Throw Granny In The Composter?
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 Jun 01 - 10:28 AM

Actually, Mousethief added the freeze dried element to the story. I believe you are left with (or decomposed into) 65 pounds of sludge. i will have to ask my PR Person nephew for a preliminery ad campaign complete with brand Names. I am partial to "The Loved One, the fertilizer that cares" or "Mother's Love, she just keeps giving".

Subject: RE: Help: Throw Granny In The Composter?
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Jun 01 - 10:37 AM

SINSULL, just add either "Cut the Crap!" or "NO Bullshit!" to your slogans and you might get more attention.