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Song Challenge! - Part 57

Áine 28 Jun 01 - 05:14 AM
McGrath of Harlow 28 Jun 01 - 07:23 AM
McGrath of Harlow 28 Jun 01 - 07:25 AM
Dharmabum 28 Jun 01 - 08:22 AM
JenEllen 28 Jun 01 - 09:14 AM
Dharmabum 28 Jun 01 - 09:42 AM
Jack the Sailor 28 Jun 01 - 10:10 AM
Amos 28 Jun 01 - 10:14 AM
MMario 28 Jun 01 - 10:15 AM
JenEllen 28 Jun 01 - 10:24 AM
MMario 28 Jun 01 - 11:15 AM
Dharmabum 28 Jun 01 - 11:28 AM
MMario 28 Jun 01 - 11:33 AM
Jack the Sailor 28 Jun 01 - 11:54 AM
Jack the Sailor 28 Jun 01 - 12:10 PM
GUEST,SharonA 28 Jun 01 - 12:12 PM
MMario 28 Jun 01 - 12:13 PM
JenEllen 28 Jun 01 - 12:26 PM
MMario 28 Jun 01 - 12:27 PM
Bert 28 Jun 01 - 12:34 PM
Jack the Sailor 28 Jun 01 - 12:55 PM
Jim Krause 28 Jun 01 - 01:03 PM
GUEST,SharonA 28 Jun 01 - 01:31 PM
MMario 28 Jun 01 - 01:44 PM
GUEST,SharonA 28 Jun 01 - 01:45 PM
GUEST,SharonA 28 Jun 01 - 01:55 PM
JenEllen 28 Jun 01 - 01:59 PM
MMario 28 Jun 01 - 02:00 PM
Trapper 28 Jun 01 - 04:28 PM
JenEllen 28 Jun 01 - 04:43 PM
Áine 28 Jun 01 - 05:37 PM
Jack the Sailor 28 Jun 01 - 05:59 PM
JenEllen 28 Jun 01 - 06:17 PM
Amos 28 Jun 01 - 06:20 PM
Áine 28 Jun 01 - 06:34 PM
Liz the Squeak 28 Jun 01 - 06:53 PM
GUEST,Don Henderson 28 Jun 01 - 07:03 PM
GUEST,Don Henderson 28 Jun 01 - 07:05 PM
McGrath of Harlow 28 Jun 01 - 07:18 PM
GUEST,Robdale 28 Jun 01 - 08:57 PM
hesperis 28 Jun 01 - 09:56 PM
GUEST,Civet Lover 29 Jun 01 - 12:46 AM
catspaw49 29 Jun 01 - 05:18 AM
Jack the Sailor 29 Jun 01 - 09:52 AM
MMario 29 Jun 01 - 09:58 AM
GUEST,SharonA 29 Jun 01 - 10:50 AM
Jack the Sailor 29 Jun 01 - 11:08 AM
Jack the Sailor 29 Jun 01 - 11:10 AM
GUEST,SharonA 29 Jun 01 - 11:34 AM
Aidan Crossey 29 Jun 01 - 11:46 AM
GUEST,Don Henderson 29 Jun 01 - 11:59 AM
Jack the Sailor 29 Jun 01 - 01:57 PM
GUEST,Don Henderson 29 Jun 01 - 02:11 PM
GUEST,Don Henderson 29 Jun 01 - 02:35 PM
GUEST,SharonA 29 Jun 01 - 02:48 PM
GUEST,Don Henderson 29 Jun 01 - 02:57 PM
Jack the Sailor 29 Jun 01 - 04:48 PM
GUEST,Don Henderson 29 Jun 01 - 05:35 PM
GUEST,SharonA 29 Jun 01 - 05:37 PM
Amos 29 Jun 01 - 06:48 PM
JenEllen 29 Jun 01 - 06:56 PM
GUEST,Palm Civet 29 Jun 01 - 08:18 PM
Amos 29 Jun 01 - 08:23 PM
GUEST,Friend Of Amos 29 Jun 01 - 08:47 PM
Amos 29 Jun 01 - 10:47 PM
JenEllen 29 Jun 01 - 11:07 PM
katlaughing 29 Jun 01 - 11:49 PM
Bradypus 30 Jun 01 - 06:51 PM
CraigS 30 Jun 01 - 08:21 PM
Áine 30 Jun 01 - 10:33 PM
GUEST,RobDale 02 Jul 01 - 12:42 AM
GUEST,SharonA 02 Jul 01 - 08:37 AM
GUEST,SharonA 02 Jul 01 - 08:55 AM
Jack the Sailor 02 Jul 01 - 11:26 AM
Áine 02 Jul 01 - 03:44 PM
mousethief 07 Jul 01 - 12:20 PM
mousethief 07 Jul 01 - 12:23 PM
mousethief 07 Jul 01 - 12:45 PM
Áine 07 Jul 01 - 08:44 PM
The Fooles Troupe 15 Oct 04 - 08:55 PM
MMario 13 Nov 04 - 09:10 AM
MMario 19 May 05 - 11:37 AM
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Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Áine
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 05:14 AM

Once more into the fray and spray, dear Challenge!rs --

This Challenge! is dedicated to Catspaw in celebration of his homecoming and apparent miraculous recovery from surgery. So, jump into this one with both feet and make it really great!

Let's Have Another Cup of Cat Cra . . . uh, Coffee – Well, it seems that the coffee market is being undermined by runaway planting in Vietnam and Indonesia, flooding the market with cheap coffee. Meanwhile, consumption has been relatively flat. A Starbucks on every corner doesn't mean people are drinking more coffee; thus, the proliferation of gourmet offerings as customers' tastes continuing to get more rarefied. One coffee retailer in Atlanta sells something called "luwak" coffee, which it claims is picked by the common palm civet (Paradoxurus hermaphrodites), often described as catlike, but probably better thought of as an Asian version of a raccoon, coati or kinkajou. The palm civet is also known as the 'toddy cat,' for its fondness for the palm juice that is tapped to make a sweet liquor.

On coffee plantations, palm civets dine heavily on coffee cherries. However, they digest only the outer pulp of fruit, passing the coffee beans unharmed through their digestive systems. And because palm civets repeatedly deposit their droppings in piles at the same spots, the coffee beans are easily collected, roasted then brewed into kopi luwak--civet coffee. Kopi luwak is reputedly the best of all coffees because palm civets pluck and eat only the most perfectly ripe cherries! The price of a pound of kopi luwak coffee? $300.00

Whether the beans are affected as they go through the animal's gut is also unknown. For that matter, there is some debate about whether coffee called kopi luwak was ever anywhere near a palm civet. Asked how he knew the beans were really collected from civet scats, one coffee company representative said, "We operate on trust." As for the taste, he described the brew as "gamey".

One dealer described the same scene being repeated every time he tells someone about luwak coffee: "At some point in the story, when you explain how this cat eats only the perfectly ripe coffee cherries, the listener gets this cautious look on his face, and says, "Are you telling me that..." and the dealer always nods and says, "Yes, that's exactly right. Roasted cat-shit for $300 a pound."

GO FOR IT, CHALLENGE!RS!!!!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 07:23 AM

A celebratory chorus for now:

What he needs is a proper cup of coffee made from the droppings of a civet cat. He might not like the taste, but with luck it might be better than a Mudcat moggie's waste. Fierce alley cats or worse smelly cats leave samples at his door, But he can't have the droppings of a proper kopi civet cat - so the Marmite might just have to do for 'spaw.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 07:25 AM

Ir with line breaks (why not):

What he needs is a proper cup of coffee
made from the droppings of a civet cat.
He might not like the taste,
but with luck it might be better than a Mudcat moggie's waste.
Fierce alley cats or worse smelly cats leave samples at his door,
But he can't have the droppings of a proper kopi civet cat
- so the Marmite might just have to do for 'spaw.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Dharmabum
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 08:22 AM

OK folks,How about a little gospel to get this one going.

SHITTING COFFEE BEANS
(sung to Bringing in the sheaves)

Coffee from Columbia
Coffee from Brazil
It all ends up at Starbucks
And I've had my fill
Now there's something new
It's the best I've ever seen
Tastes a little gamey
But they tell me it's caffine.

(Chorus)
Shitting coffee beans
Shitting coffee beans
We will make a fortune
Shitting coffee beans,
Shitting coffee beans
Shitting coffee beans
We will make a fortune
Shitting coffee beans.

Some folks drink their Coke
Some folks drink their tea
Since I found Kopi Luwak
It's cat poo poo for me
The flavor it is tops
All others are beneath
I pour it down my gullet
And I strain it through my teeth.

(Chorus)

All I drink is Kopi Luwak
It's the best I've ever found
Though it's a little pricey
At three hundred bucks a pound
But the flavor can't be beat
And it gets me really wound
Drinking Civet Droppings
Picked up off the ground.

(Chorus)

DB.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: JenEllen
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 09:14 AM

LMAO DB....will wonders never cease??

Come Ode to Starbucks

Mairzy doats and dosey doates
And palm civets eat coffee
We pay a lot for their brew
Made of poo

If the words sound queer, funny to your ear
As you talk to your barista
Hand over your cash and bare your ash
Starbucked right up the keestah---(okay poetic license..*bg*)

Ohhhhhhhhhhh........
Mairzy doats and dosey doates
And palm civets eat coffee
We pay a lot for their brew
Made of poo

~Jen


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Dharmabum
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 09:42 AM

Starbucked right up the keestah******LOL*****

I love it Jen!

DB.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 10:10 AM

Advice to the Starbucks' trainee by El El Beano

A slow song, to be played slowly, with flamenco chords and much sweeping of the strings with the fingers. Sounding vaguely like a M****** H**** commercial.

As you make your way through life
Only one way to live it
Appreciate the finer things
Like coffee from a civet

The civet picks the finest beans
To process them uniquely
Talk about the gamey taste
But mention it obliquely

Some coffee makes you stay awake
Some coffee keeps you hopping
But only Kopi luwak can claim
That its good to the last dropping


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 10:14 AM

Good to the last DROPPING??? Starbucked up the KEESTER rhyming with BARISTA?? LMAO!!! Heeeheeeheee. You guys are SOOOO good. A real PWO (Pants-wetting opportunity!).

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: MMario
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 10:15 AM

Rob - that is...well it's just....

I'm speechless.

moan. I can't believe he actaully put that in print


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: JenEllen
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 10:24 AM

PWO??? The PW-ing has done been done!! Good to the last dropping???....omigawd....Rob, well DONE!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: MMario
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 11:15 AM

Labor Hymn of the Palm Civet
(to the tune of The Battle Hymn of the Republic)

I'm just a little civet from the south of Viet Nam
I spend my days a labourin' upon this coffee farm
The wages they ain't great - but I get a private palm
And the coffee's brewin' on

It is Cof-fe-a Ro-bus-ta!
Not Cof-fe-a Ara-bic-a!
Only the ripest beans
Shall go through my in-test-eens
And the coffee's brewin' on


Others pick by hand or they use a little rake
I just use my gullet - so there shall be no mistake
Coffee cherries are most tasty - why should they go to waste?
And the coffee's brewin' on!

Chorus:

In Brazil and darkest Aafrica they use a process they call "dry"
In Viet Nam just hear-abouts - they wouldn't even try
For to keep the cherries company I drink fine palm juice wine
And the coffee's brewin' on

Chorus:

When the day is over, and I feel a certain "urge"
Then I scamper to the corner where I give myself a purge
They call THIS coffee "washed"- what a most descriptive word!
And the coffee's brewin' on

Chorus:

So when you're drinking Java (Well I wouldn't want to boast)
But "Blue Mountain" is no longer that for which you pay the most
"Kopi Luwak" coffee are the beans that you should roast!
And the coffee's brewin' on!

Chorus:


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Dharmabum
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 11:28 AM

Jen,Rob,MMario, I HAVE TO CHANGE MY SHORTS!!!!!!!!!!

AND YOU'RE ALL RESPONSIBLE!!!!

LMA(and my shorts)O.

DB.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: MMario
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 11:33 AM

I think the news that 'Spaw should be back soon has everyone producing their best efforts.

Of course it could have nothing whatsoever to do with it. Just a theory.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 11:54 AM

Jen, I like the Barista thing, MMario, "Why should they go to waste" very clever double meaning.

Aine, this is a very funny topic.

I've always thought Starbucks coffee tastes like...civet droppings. It is a pity I couldn't work that in.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 12:10 PM

I couldn't resist taking this opportunity to comment on consumerism.

Gullibility blues

Well the French can sell us water, Four dollars for a drink
The French will sell us water, with a slightly benzine stink
And we pay that four dollars, though we can get it from the sink

Forty dollars for a tee shirt, Thirty dollars for the name
They really see us coming, yeah they know which way we came.
A "Tommy" or a "Kmart" well they're really just the same.

I got a new source of income, in the litterbox I'll scoop
I got a new source of income, in the litterbox I'll scoop
If the'll pay three hundred dollars, for a pound of civet poop


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,SharonA
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 12:12 PM

Eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.

All these songs are wonderfully graphic!

OK, lemme go see what I can "work out"...

SharonA


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: MMario
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 12:13 PM

!!BRAVO!!!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: JenEllen
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 12:26 PM

Cat Scat (Mr. Paganini)

Oh Mister Coffee Kitty
Please pick my coffee bean
And if you cannot pick it
Won't you spit it?
And if you cannot spit it
You simply have to..be bop ee doo wop

Heard of your repetoire
At the coffee bar
Greeted it with round applause
What an expectaion
Your defecation
Is bringing them through the drawers, and I don't mean the doors

Mister Coffee Kitty
We breathlessly await
Your masterful colon
Now don't you quit it
And since you can't quit it
You simply have to sh*t it


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: MMario
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 12:27 PM

ohmygawd - I gotta take a break - my sides hurt!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Bert
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 12:34 PM

Tom Paxton's "Song for a Lost Election" immediately comes to mind.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 12:55 PM

Kopi Luwak Rap

Expectation, constipation
Caffination and dedication
Anticipation of percolation
a libation of defication

I don't know if you want credit for this one JenEllen, but your "cat scat" inspired this one

"East Coast" Bob


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Jim Krause
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 01:03 PM

Aine, I thought civit cats were related to the skunk. No? Yegods, it's amazing, too amazing for words. PT Barnum was right. "There's a sucker born every minute."
Jim


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,SharonA
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 01:31 PM

Here's my first "pass" at a song...

ACHIN' BUM
(Tune: Aikendrum)

Ken ye how the coffee might (achin' bum, achin' bum)
Come from an hermaphrodite? (achin' bum)
He can bite the cherry bright with his civet's teeth so bright
And his wind through sphincter tight (achin' bum, achin' bum)
Smells of coffee in the right (achin' bum)!

Did ye hear of Hinderland (achin' bum, achin' bum)
Did ye hear of Hinderland (achin' bum)
There you'll find the civet band who have sworn to clear the land
Of the cherries they demand (achin' bum, achin' bum
And the palm juice, too, they've planned (achin' bum)!


Beans go running round and round (achin' bum, achin' bum)
Beans go running round and round (achin' bum)
In the civet's stomach drowned, through intestines, then to ground
With a lovely plopping sound (achin' bum, achin' bum)
Where the bean pile can be found (achin' bum)

We have smelt the poops galore (achin' bum, achin' bum)
We have smelt the poops galore (achin' bum)
But we've sought the country o'er, gathered droppings by the score
For the Starbucks coffee store (achin' bum, achin' bum)
Still the civets poop some more (achin' bum)!

Ken ye how to take a swig? (achin' bum, achin' bum)
Ken ye how to take a swig? (achin' bum)
Kopi luwak smells of pig; it'll dance a little jig
In yer innards, small and big (achin' bum, achin' bum)
Through yer sphincter it'll dig (achin' bum)!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: MMario
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 01:44 PM

Hmmmm- I know a different tune for Aiken Drum - must look this up...

civets are a carnivore most closely related to mongoose.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,SharonA
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 01:45 PM

Oh, sh*t (what better phrase?); I need to make a correction AGAIN...

The third line should read: "He can bite the cherry bright with his civet's teeth so white"

Guess I had beans in my ears (ew ew ew)...


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,SharonA
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 01:55 PM

MMario: Blame DT. The tune file under "Aikendrum" sez CAPNKIDD ("Cap'n Kidd") and you're right, the tune doesn't seem to follow those lyrics exactly. I followed the structure of the lyrics as posted there (filename AIKNDRUM).

I've usually heard them referred to as "civet cats".

SharonA


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: JenEllen
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 01:59 PM

Why, thank you Bob! I'll need all the help I can get should Ella ever hear what was done to her song...*bg*

~"Out West" Jen


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: MMario
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 02:00 PM

did a bit of looking up - there are civets, civet cats, otter civets, palm civets, spotted civets,....etc etc etc.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Trapper
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 04:28 PM

What a fun subject! It's always a hoot writing about poopie!

- Al

COFFEE BEANS!
To the tune of "Shaving Cream" by Benny Bell
New Words by Al Boyce 6/28/2001


I have a sad story to tell you.
It may hurt your feelings a bit.
Last evening I read in the headlines,
They're now making coffee from...

CHORUS:
COFFEE BEANS!
With sugar and cream
Drink coffee each day
And you'll always feel keen!

In South Vietnam there's a civet
Who's diet is queer, I'll admit
It dines only on coffee cherries,
And the beans then come out in its...

CHORUS:

These civet beans then are collected
From where these civets stop and sit
Then they're brewed up into "Kopi Luwak"
But they still taste to me just like...

CHORUS:

They charged me three C-Notes for Luwak
So I thought with my neighbor I'd split
But in Mocha, Espresso or Latte
That Luwak still smelled just like...

CHORUS:

So I brought Luwak to the Church Social
All brewed up in my picnic kit
When I served up a cup to the Pastor
He said, "God D*mn this cup of ..."

CHORUS:

So how should we drink Luwak coffee?
Just like KUDU DUNG, should we spit?
Or, just like a curse to a rival -
But instead of EAT, say "GO DRINK...."

CHORUS:

And now, 'Cats, this parody's ended.
I think Luwak drink makers should quit.
To protest, stick your arse in a Starbuck's
And leave them your OWN pile of...


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: JenEllen
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 04:43 PM

Much agreed, Trapper. But I'm starting to realize why my dates always look so scared...

Civet Poo Coffee (Flying Fish Sailor)

A short song for you as you grab for your cup
(way-hey, fill up my mug)
And wave at the waitress for a 'fill'er on up'
(give her some time to fill up your mug)

Along from far Asia, there is a new brew
(way-hey fill up my mug)
Sounding exotic, but it's still civet poo
(give her some time to fill up your mug)

You may take cream and sugar with it if you dare
(way-hey fill up my mug)
But you still never know what's a-floating in there
(give her some time to fill up your mug)

There's all sorts of diseases from far foreign lands
(way-hey fill up my mug)
And you can't trust a civet to wash his wee hands
(give her some time to fill up your mug)

There's Ancylostoma, that's hookworm you know
(way-hey fill up my mug)
And Baylisascara that's shed when they go
(give her some time to fill up your mug)

Giardia, Listeria, Toxocara too
(way-hey fill up my mug)
And Cryptosporidium that's stuck on that poo
(give her some time to fill up your mug)

You used to fear waitress spit, when she was fed up
(way-hey fill up my mug)
Now you know why she smiles when she fills up your cup
(give her some time to fill up your mug)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Áine
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 05:37 PM

DDDD-AAAA-NNNN-GGGG-!!!!

Friggin' Amazing!! So far, every single song is qualifying for the Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon Award -- When I change my britches, I'll be back to give out the Silver B.L.O.B.s -- although, it will be extremely difficult to decide which bits to pick!!

-- Áine (who's now carefully tippy toeing to the bathroom to dry off . . . )


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 05:59 PM

Can we write ad slogans for this stuff?

You'll enjoy it exponentially!
'Cause it's flavored excrementally!

Civet....Sip it

Do you need clumping coffee filters with "fresh scent release"?

New from Folgers..... "Litterbox Select" with Flavour Pellets


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: JenEllen
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 06:17 PM

Rob should come with the patented BillD warning! (warn those of us that might have tea in the mouth while reading...pshwt!)

~Jen (chokingoverclumpingfilterswhilewipinghermonitoroff)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 06:20 PM

LOL!!! What remarkable genius appears when a license is issued to make toilet jokes!!! Do you suppose we of the Folkie persuasion are...somehow arrested in our development???

If Luwak fo'me
An' Luwak fo' you
An' Luwak for all, de same!
Then Ah lak-a say
Mebbe today
Barista bettah change her name!

A young barista sweet there was,
From a far-off foreign land
Who just to earn her daily buck
At Starbuck's leant a hand
But customer's were being rude
As they are wont to do,
And so she filled their Mochas up
With brew of civet poo! Ohhh,

If Luwak fo'me
An' Luwak fo' you
An' Luwak for all, de same!
Then Ah lak-a say
Mebbe today
Barista bettah change her name!

Her harsh revenge was soon found out
Too soon, her fate did come,
An older victim read about
Joe from a civet bum
And soon the manager was told
And awful was his shame,
And so he told that maiden sweet
To catch a midnight train! Ohhh...

If Luwak fo'me
An' Luwak fo' you
An' Luwak for all, de same!
Then Ah lak-a say
Mebbe today
Barista bettah change her name!

Regards,

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Áine
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 06:34 PM

Aaaaahhhhh, Civet Sh*t!

That's it, I can't decide what verses to award a Silver B.L.O.B. to -- so, every single hot diggitty dang verse of every slicker than snot on a hot rock song gets one!!!!! Well now, come to think of it, this makes my 'job' a lot easier! ;-)

Isn't it amazing what creativity can be inspired when the love of a fellow Mudcatter combines with the love of scatalogical (sp?) humour?? 'Course, isn't that why we keep 'Spaw around in the first place? ;-)

Keep it 'going', Challenge!rs!!!!!!

-- A much bemused (and besmeared) GG


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 06:53 PM

I'm sorry, I can't do this for laughing....

Maybe we should work the cat fart thread back into this....

LTS


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,Don Henderson
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 07:03 PM

I was standing in line for coffee,
When my gag reflex was triggered
A stench so foul it left me coughing;
A smell worse than I'd ever figured.

"Isn't that unsanitary,
Drinking poo like that?"
"In all my years of living,
nothing good's ever come from a cat."

"Oh no", replied the Starbucks guy,
"These beans, we always inspect em'",
"And Juan Valdez scoops only the best
As soon as they leave the cat's rectum."

"And what's more,
The civet's a very clean species
There's nothing impure at all
About a fresh pile of it's feces"

"Thanks", I said, "I think I'll pass",
so instead I picked up a soda
I saw that the label read "Coke e-coli"
Put down it I did, (to quote Yoda.)

hended51@yahoo.com

--- Line breaks <br> added ---
---Jeff (PA)---


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,Don Henderson
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 07:05 PM

Sorry to act like a newbie in here, but I'm a newbie. How do you get song lines to align properly? My 4-line stanzas all showed up on the same line when I posted, even though I hit "enter" after each line...


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 07:18 PM

Welcome Don H to the one site that makes the Internet really worthwhile.

To stick in a line break you type in (BR) at the end of every line - except that instead of an ordinary bracket, ( and ), you stick in a chevron - < and >.

But to get useful info about that and lots more about Mudcatty ways and means, go to the FAQ thread which should be nestled up at the top of the list of threads on the Forum.

However if you don't stick in the line breaks, you'll quite likely find that some helpful guardian angel will sneak in and do it for you.(These are referred to as "Joe clonmes" - and that is another story. It's probably somewhere in the FAQ.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,Robdale
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 08:57 PM

Don that was hilarious, I've got tears in my eyes from laughing.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: hesperis
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 09:56 PM

"and attaching"?

You've got it that bad?


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,Civet Lover
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 12:46 AM

A Civet story

http://userpages.umbc.edu/~sjoshi1/mirror/civet.shtml


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: catspaw49
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 05:18 AM

Friends, I am indeed honored and I express to you my honest and sincere admiration for the quality of songs on this thread. Only a man obsessed with blowing up a possum's ass can be granted such an honor!

I have often tried this type of thing myself, a kind of "Asshole Alchemy" if you will but have had no success, although I have passed some pepper skins, corn, and tomato seeds. There doesn't seem to be a market however..............

Spaw


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 09:52 AM

Advice to the Starbucks' trainee Version II
by El El Beano
A slow song, to be played slowly, with flamenco chords and much sweeping of the strings with the fingers. Sounding vaguely like a M****** H**** commercial.

Big production number version. Imagine a stringed orchectra and a latin percusion section backing the guitar and singer. Flamenco dancers dressed in red and a mariachi band in pearl white sombreros.

As you make your way through life
Only one way to live it
Appreciate the finer things
Like coffee from a civet

The civet picks the finest beans
To process them uniquely
Talk about the gamey taste
But mention it obliquely

Some coffee makes you stay awake
Some coffee keeps you hopping
But only Kopi luwak can claim
That its good to the last dropping

Crouching Civet Coffee
is that brand that is the best
What I say is serious
Don't treat it like a jest

Don't laugh at what I tell you
although its rather droll
They even use the civets
for quality control

To insure the finest flavor
All you have to do
is see that it has been passed by
Inspector number two


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: MMario
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 09:58 AM

*NO FAIR!* RobDale gets BETTER every time!

he's gotta be cheatin'!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,SharonA
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 10:50 AM

Okay, here's my "number two":


YOU'VE GOT A BLEND
(Tune: James Taylor's "You've Got a Friend")

When your face is stubbled
And you need some coffee there
'Cause nothin', no, nothin' else wakes you right
Hold your nose; the stink, you see,
Is from the derriere
Of toddy cats pooping with all their might

You just feed civets fruit
And you know, whenever they "toot',
Beans come runnin' (a-runnin' yeah) from each little end
Grind up those beans when they fall
Put a name on Starbucks' wall
And you'll see there, yes you will:
You've got a blend

If a guy should shove you
When the Starbucks starts to crowd
Then your own "south wind" should begin to blow
Folks will head for cover
When you rip one out loud
It smells like what you drank just a while ago

You just feed civets fruit
And you know, whenever they "toot',
Beans come runnin' (a-runnin' yeah) from each little end (oh baby, don't be grossed out)
Grind up those beans when they fall
Put a name on Starbucks' wall
And you'll see there, yes you will:

Hey, it ain't good, as "joe", but you've got a blend
That people will treat like gold!
They'll buy it but never try it
And they'll take it all if you let them
Oh, sure, there's more you'll get them

You just feed civets fruit
And you know, whenever they "toot',
Beans come runnin' (a-runnin' yeah) from each little end (oh baby, don't they pass out)
Grind up those beans when they fall
Put a name on Starbucks' wall
And you'll see there, yes you will:
You've got a blend
You've got a blend
Ain't it brewed for "joe"? You've got a blend
Ain't it good? Well, no. You've got a blend
Oh, yech, yech
You've got a blend.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 11:08 AM

Here is a review of the wonderous libation. Worth reading! Even though he make the error of calling or precious civets marsupials.

http://www.thecoffeecritic.com/fusion3/html/kopi.shtml

When reading his conclusion

"The aroma was rich and strong, and the coffee was incredibly full bodied, almost syrupy. It was thick, with a hint of chocolate, and lingered on the tongue with a long, clean aftertaste."

I was struck by how similar this product seems to be to the raw material.

Fresh and steaming, the heady aroma wafting to the nose. Thick and brown like chocolate, lingering on the tongue, and the aftertaste... oooo... the aftertaste!!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 11:10 AM

Brilliant Sharon!

Lets hear it for number two!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,SharonA
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 11:34 AM

Thanks, Rob. You're right, that's (gag-ulp) quite a review (emphasis on the "ew"), though the illustration shows the beans at the wrong end of the civet!!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 11:46 AM

To the tune of "The Mountains of Mourne"

Oh Mary this Starbucks's a wonderful site
They charge people a fortune to drink wild-cat's shite
They don't retail porter, nor stout, nor poteen
But some stuff that's been somewhere it shouldn't have been
And whenever I asked them, the news I was told
That this stuff ounce for ounce costs as much as pure gold
Stick to the Jameson's, Mary mo chroi
In the place where the dark Mournes sweep down to the sea

You remember oul' Granny O'Leary's wee trouble
How the wee-wee from out of her bloomers would bubble
When up now and then she would rise her oul' self
To get the odd fill of a pipe from the shelf
We complained of the stains, we complained of the pong
Our complaints were in vain, she just carried on
Well I'll wet myself too, when I'm 93
In the place where the dark Mournes sweep down to the sea

And then an idea it occurred unto me
At the start of the twenty-first centu-oo-ry (poetic licence)
People will part with good silver and gold
For any oul' bollocks that's properly sold
So why don't we bottle our poor granny's waste
Praise its fine colour, praise its fine taste
We'll start up a website and sell granny's wee
From the place where the dark Mournes sweep down to the sea.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,Don Henderson
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 11:59 AM

Rob, I am truly humbled by your ability to combine your talent for rhyming with this thread's fecalphilia epidemic (That's "an unnatural obsession with mookie stinks", to quote Mr. Mackey...) Do you keep a thesaurus at your desk, or does it all just come out naturally (not unlike the "civet beans")?


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 01:57 PM

I find the Thesaurus to be a cumbersome beast. But I do find the subject to be "food" for thought. I just remember a funny word for poop, find a funny rhyme for it and build up to it! Thanks Aine, this is the funniest concept I have come accross in a long time. Lets face it, Cats are funny, yuppie pretention is funny, and bodily functions are funny. Yuppies drinking cat crap! Now that is funny!!! It is even funnier than "Jelqing" (I'm not going to say what it is, if you're curious look it up!) and I didn't think that was possible.

Don I would like to return the compliment. Aine out to give you the "Ben Johnson" award for getting your song off to the fastest start. You had me rolling on the floor at "Gag reflex". Obviously your writing must be chemically enhanced!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,Don Henderson
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 02:11 PM

VERSE 1

Have you grown bored with the regular java
Need something bold for your sense of taste?
A volcanic eruption of feline ass-lava
Coffee that's brewed from a civet's own waste!

CHORUS

These beans come from a civet's anus,
And that's what makes our coffee famous!
We charge a lot, but who can blame us?
You'll pay that much, you ignoramus!

VERSE 2

These beans look nice n' brown
Even before they're brewed!
That's because they're found (on the ground)
In a pile of used civet food!

REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE

So sit right down, and pull up a "Stool"
We'll serve up a cup of your favorite fuel
Start your day right and we guarantee you'll
Love every bite of our coffee you chew!

REPEAT CHORUS X 2


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,Don Henderson
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 02:35 PM

Thanks for the compliment, Rob. Unfortunately for all who know me, I write this way without the aid of any outside chemicals, unless you count The Mountain Dew and Tic-Tacs I keep on hand here at my work desk. I still have yet to come up with a line as funny as the one you ended your last song with, though... "Passed By Inspector Number Two"? LMAO! Lennon & McCartney have nothing on you, O Canorgian (Or is it Georgadian) Tunesmith!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,SharonA
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 02:48 PM

Oh, yes, there are powers at work here... THEY will control the horizontal... THEY will control the vertical...

"Pull up a 'stool'..." I love it!

Wish I could come out with a few more good puns to pre-seed this next song, but I'll a-void doing so, ass I probably would've rectum. Maybe I'd better just make a movement to can it.


DIGGIN' UP BEANS
(Tune: "Diggin' Up Bones" performed by Randy Travis)

Well, last night I dug your coffee up from some ol' civet's spoor
I set it in my basket and I bent to dig up more
I got my pay last Wednesday and it didn't have much green
Yeah, I've been gettin' lean, diggin' up beans

I'm diggin' up beans (diggin' up beans)
For brewin' in your single-cup machine
You'll drink it in the mornin' on your mansion's mezzanine
While tonight I'm gettin' lean, diggin' up beans


When I went through my pantry, I found out that it was bare
No pretty pastries like you buy in Starbucks over there
You pay 300-plus for coffee, just so you'll be seen
While tonight I'm gettin' lean, diggin' up beans

I'm diggin' up beans (diggin' up beans)
You think it's such a nice, bucolic scene
What clothes I've got are reeking, and you're dressed up like a queen
While tonight I'm gettin' lean, diggin' up beans


While you go through your jewelry and you pick a pretty ring
I sift sh*t through my fingers and I give that cr*p a fling
Across this lonely berry patch to vent my starving spleen
Yeah, tonight I'm gettin' lean, diggin' up beans

I'm diggin' up beans (diggin' up beans)
The boss just raised my quota to be mean
You pinch your nose and drink your coffee, feelin' so serene
While tonight I'm gettin' lean, diggin' up beans


(According to the COWPIE website, the original song was written by Paul Overstreet and Al Gore. ...THE Al Gore, the former Vice-President???? Can it be?)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,Don Henderson
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 02:57 PM

Yeah, that's the same Al Gore! The same former VP who co-wrote "The Star Spangled Banner", "American Pie", "Stairway to Heaven", "Knockin' on Heaven's Door", and at least five songs on "Dark Side of the Moon". Then again, I'm not so sure about that... You don't think he'd claim credit for something he didn't do, do you? LOL!

Great song, btw, Sharon! I don't know how that Randy Travis song goes exactly, but found myself singing a nice melody in my head as I read your lyrics.. Never lost my rhythm once, which says a lot for your staying true to the meter while keeping the subject matter all your own.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 04:48 PM

Brace yourselves, this is the strangest one yet!
This should be performed as "coffee house" poetry, Narrated by William Shatner, with strange pauses and changes in emphasis, punctuated by bongo rolls, with a muted trumpet noodling away in the background.

Metaphysical Civet Cat

You let him loose in a coffee plantation
And let him wander without aggravation
He goes to each bush eating his fill
You never can tell but time always will

Then you put him in an impenetrable box
You batten him down and lock all the locks
Surely by now you've divined my intent
performing cerebral experiment

When we open the box I don't care if he's dead
That ain't the purpose of this little thread
What I want to know about Schrodinger's Cat
Is "Can we make java from the shit that he shat?"


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,Don Henderson
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 05:35 PM

Ok, here's my question Rob: Just what kind of mushrooms did you order on that pizza you had for lunch today? LOL! You have raised the bizarre bar yet again, and as always, with such style and eloquence. Any song which successfully incorporates the past tense of the word "shit" can do no wrong in my book. One thing though: I'm not too familiar with Schrodinger's work, but wasn't it B.F. Skinner who proposed the theories about mind control studies in which he claimed that he could control everything about a human's mind if he kept them in a box until they were 5 years old?


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,SharonA
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 05:37 PM

"He.... GOES.... to EACH BUSH................. (gasp) EATing his FILL..." I can just hear it! (Who could forget "MISTER TAMBOURIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNE MAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNN"?)

Oh, yeah, THAT Al Gore. Didn't he invent the internet, or something?

Thanks, Don, for the nice compliment. I'm trying. Sometimes I'm VERY trying!

SharonA


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 06:48 PM

Sharon, Don, Rob and -- oh my lordy, derrymacash -- WOW!!!! I am floored at this throughput of talent!! I can hardly digest all the amazing lyrics being brought forth!! If lyrics were quid, I am sure we'd be flush!! We could start a campaign -- "Get Flush For Max!!".

Now it is obvious that there is something to the metaphysical side of this Cat Scat jazz, since it has caused an fiery wave of unprecedented creative energy to sweep through cyberspace, even though the brew itself was only being passed conceptually, so to speak.

As a result, even though only the thinnest of cyber-thoughts was pout in, it all came out all right, richer than we ever expected. Beautiful products, one and all, and worthy indeed of the Spawmeister's return and his Tour of Inspection.

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: JenEllen
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 06:56 PM

Oh! Rob, Don, and Sharon.....(girl giggling and gasping for breath looks at monitor with tears in her eyes, barely managing a pathetic mewling noise before hitting 'submit')


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,Palm Civet
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 08:18 PM

A gregorian chant

Oh civ-ets eat the Fin-est beans, that's why we harvest their La - treens to make our finest brew.

We stoop and scoop to get their poop, yup-pies will jump through an-y hoop, to perk-a-late their pooh.

Catspaw do you see a chance, that we may har-vest Flat-u-lance, What are we to do? Catspaw we missed you


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 08:23 PM

I am absolutely mystified!! Look at this richness and style -- I have never seen such routinely disciplined meter and inspired imagery in any prior Challenge!! Not to mention the Humours therein!!! Why has everyone suddenly become so perfect at rhyme and meter? It must be a mysterious phenomenon never before measured by science -- the Cat Scat Scan!!!

Wlel, if the fad for this particular brand ever dies out we can borrow a tune from "Oklahoma!" and write "Spoor Joe is Dead". (Ducks before the Civet Cyber-Bedpan flung through infinity by a wrathful Jen reaches his sector).

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,Friend Of Amos
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 08:47 PM

Thanks for the idea Amos. This one is too funny to pass up.

It doesn't taste like hospital coffee he said
What
a rich aroma
Full bodied
syrupy
with a chocolate hint
It woke
me from my coma

Where did you get it?
He implored, like it was his final word.
Where did you get it?
I ignored, like I hadn't even heard.

Then

I replied

Deadpan

The bedpan

RobDale


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 10:47 PM

Rob...I think you should check in for your own Scat Scan!!! LOL!!

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: JenEllen
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 11:07 PM

No fear of ducking the flying bedpans, Amos. When I'm laughing this hard, my aim stinks.

Scat-Scans....we have those....what we in the 'biz' call "FECALYZERS" (honest, tradename!) There might be a song in that yet....

~daJenerator


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: katlaughing
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 11:49 PM

They are adorable little critters and their unique system of passing on the abundance they feast upon is very important to ecology.

Civet Lover, I am very sorry to hear about your beautiful little creature and the poachers.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Bradypus
Date: 30 Jun 01 - 06:51 PM

So many good songs already - this one's a bit different.

The Civet's Lament

In days of old, when times were good
We civets strolled throughout the wood
With nary a care, the mood was merry
We'd sniff the air, we'd eat the cherry

Those coffee beans, we chose the best
Like lazy queens we would digest
Then leave a pile among the grass
And sit and smile at what we'd pass

We little thought those passing drops
Would soon be bought in coffee shops
That what we laid by hedge or ditch
Would soon be weighed to make men rich

The greed of man! It breaks my heart
You see them plan, they think they're smart
An awful sin! A grievous harm!
They fenced us in a battery farm.

The kopi luwak that you would drink
O turn it back! I beg you think
Of me and mine, behind these bars
We sit in line – we bear the scars

But it's a fact things have changed
Digestive tract is rearranged
No beans pass on from what we eat
The coffee's strong ... revenge is sweet!

Bradypus


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: CraigS
Date: 30 Jun 01 - 08:21 PM

(Java Jive)

I like coffee, I like tea,
But I ain't touching civet shit and if like me,
You don't like this or the civet's pee,
You'll stick to Maxwell's hammer, not the civet's asses' processed

line breaks added by mudelf ;-)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Áine
Date: 30 Jun 01 - 10:33 PM

ROTFLM(sore)AO!!! I'm sure you'll all be glad to hear that mobility is returning to your deity (I'm a poet & don't know it...) -- 'course, that's the result of two days of bedrest (and mini-yoga exercises between the sheets -- oh behave, Amos) and a couple of Guinness tonight . . . he he he

. . . as I was sayin' (burp...pardon me) -- I'll be chunkin' out the Cow Chips on the morrow, the Good Lord willin' and the sewer pipes hold (as well as my sacroiliac). So, if you have any more civet sonnets up your slick sleeves, then please enter them post haste. I've got a hoot of a Challenge! comin' up (don't even think about askin' for a hint) and I'm rarin' (gently) at the bit to go. You've done a great job with this one -- our favourite saggy assed tortoise (a/k/a Catspaw) should be well pleased!

-- Your Keeper of the Book, Challenge! Mistress, Gaelic Goddess, High Priestess of the Patricus Potamus Local 69, and Songster to her Sealy Posturepedic (of late) ;-)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,RobDale
Date: 02 Jul 01 - 12:42 AM

The Wait by the Band(ed Civet)

Came to the hospital, my toddy cat used the head.
As soon as it was done the place smelled like something dead
Can I get a coffee maker to the orderly I said
I can get you what you need, but keep the civet off the bed
Dump a load for coffee
Dump a load for tea
Dump a load of kopi luuuuuuwaaaaaak
And (and and) Dump the load (dump the load)
In front of me


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,SharonA
Date: 02 Jul 01 - 08:37 AM

Áine sez: "So, if you have any more civet sonnets up your slick sleeves, then please enter them post haste."

Well, if you insist. Songs have been crying out to me to be parodied for this CHALLENGE!, like kittens mewing for their mother's milk. ...and you should never ignore the Mews (I mean, Muse).


DOES THE COFFEE GAIN ITS FLAVOR IN THE CIVET OVERNIGHT?
(Tune: "Does the Spearmint Lose Its Flavor on the Bedpost Overnight?")

Oh me, oh my, oh poo. Did I drink civet doo?
I'll say tó ya, the taste sure is peculiah
It's cost me lots of dough
I'd give my arse to know
If someone washed the beans off. Tell me yes; please say it's so!

Does the coffee gain its flavor in the civet overnight?
If you drink it in the morning, will it have a certain bite?
Can't you see it's going through him? Won't somebody say I'm right?
Does the coffee gain its flavor in the civet overnight?

The Starbucks shops, as one, had spent a lot of mon'
To find soused-up critters and their sh*thouse
They saw where civets "went"; they said that they'd been sent
To save the buried beans when civets were incontinent

Does the coffee gain its flavor in the civet overnight?
If you pull it out his hinder, will he snap at you and bite?
If it tastes like kudu droppings, will you spit and watch its flight?
Does the coffee gain its flavor in the civet overnight?

Here come the beans, they're dried and roasted (never fried)
But they oughtter have been rinsed in water
These beans, when brewed, may bring diseases that can spring
Up in your guts and set you on your "throne" just like a king

Does the coffee gain its flavor in the civet overnight?
Would you dig for beans in Áine's backyard when she is not in sight?
Put your civet on a gold commode; you'll find rich beans, all right!
Does the coffee gain its flavor in the civet overnight?


And last, but hopefully not least...


E-MAIL FROM STARBUCKS
(TUNE: "Letter from LBJ: Lyndon Johnson Told the Nation" by Tom Paxton)

I got an e-mail from Starbucks, say-
-ing, "This is your unlucky day.
It's time to put you hip-high waders on.
Though it may seem very mean,
We've got to pick the coffee bean
So we are sending you to Viet Nam."

Starbucks bigwigs told the nation:
"Have some 'joe', a new creation
For our patrons who are hard to please.
Though it really comes from poop,
We're sending employees to scoop
It up and take it all from the Viet Namese."

I jumped off the big cruise ship
And sank in crud up to my hips!
I cussed the toddy cats and dug right down.
Never mind how hard we're weeping;
Think of all the grounds we're reaping.
Just don't take one step into the town!

Ev'ry night the local gentry
Walk right past us; they're unfriendly.
They don't shoot the sh*t; that's not "P.C."
But the thoughts that always calm us
Are "At least they don't still bomb us"
And "Just think how filthy rich we'll be."

We go home, and there a coffer
Of rewards does Starbucks offer
But we ask for other work in vain
For the odor lingers on
Our bodies; lawsuits fought and won
Have paid us for our suff'ring and our pain.

Here I sit at home so sadly,
Gave up coffee-drinking gladly
And I know that Starbucks hates me, too.
Yet the memory's so tender
Of the days when I would render
Civet crap.... and I still smell like doo!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: GUEST,SharonA
Date: 02 Jul 01 - 08:55 AM

ONCE AGAIN, I have to correct myself (dang!) (stupid, illegible rough copies... can't read my own scribblin'). Sorry, everyone.

Line 11 of "Does the Coffee Gain..." should read:
To find lit, soused critters and their sh*thouse

SharonA


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 02 Jul 01 - 11:26 AM

Sharon, Brilliant choice of songs to parody, brilliant execution. I listen to Tom Paxton in my car and you really nailed the Lyndon Johnson thing.

Aine

Brilliant choice of topic a motherlode of humour. I hereby nominate the Palm Civet to join the kiwi, moose and platypus as one of the funniest creatures on earth.

More Civet info


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Áine
Date: 02 Jul 01 - 03:44 PM

HOO-HAW!!!! This was one FANTASTIC Challenge! You all have outdone yourselves, especially all you newcomers -- Mmmmm, all you 'old timers' had better keep your wits sharp and your pencils licked, 'cuz these newbies are sumpin' else . . . Cudos, congrats and grateful thanks to my darlin' Challenge!rs, and here are your awards -- you made it too easy on me this time, you know, all 22 songs won the same thing:

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon (The GCCWMMSPS is awarded to the Challenge! entry which evokes an instantaneous bubbling up of frothy mirth from out of the lips of the Keeper of the Book and onto her monitor screen):

Achin' Bum by SharonA
Advice to the Starbucks' Trainee by El El Beano (aka RobDale)
Advice to the Starbucks' Trainee Version II by El El Beano (aka RobDale)
Cat Scat (Mr. Paganini) by JenEllen
The Civet's Lament by Bradypus
Civet Poo Coffee (Flying Fish Sailor) by JenEllen
Coffee Beans! by Trapper
Come Ode to Starbucks by JenEllen
Diggin' Up Beans by SharonA
Does the Coffee Gain Its Flavor in the Civet Overnight? by SharonA
E-Mail from Starbucks by SharonA
The Final Word by RobDale
Good to the Last Bite by Don Henderson
Gullibility Blues by RobDale
If Luwak Fo'Me by Amos
In Line For Civet Poo by Don Henderson
Labor Hymn of the Palm Civet by Mmario
Metaphysical Civet Cat by RobDale
Shitting Coffee Beans by Dharmabum
Stick to the Jameson's, Mary Mo Chroí by derrymacash
The Wait by the Band(ed Civet) by RobDale
You've Got A Blend by SharonA

Challenge! 58 is comin' up quick and slick, so charge up those little grey cells . . . Again, well done everyone.

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: mousethief
Date: 07 Jul 01 - 12:20 PM

Sorry I'm late, I was on holiday at the ocean. Lovely time, thanks for asking.

The Beans Come Back
Tune: The Cat Came Back

Old Vietnam sells a coffee all its own
It has a special taste, like none I've ever known
They tried and they tried to keep civet cats away
But the civets come and eat their coffee cherries all the day

But the beans come back the very next day
The beans come back, in a pile of kitty guano
Yeah the beans come back, and they're worth much more that way.

Many years ago in the land of Vietnam
A coffee farmer found that all his coffee beans were gone
But there beneath the tree was a pile of civet poo
Chock full o' next month's revenue -- tell me, what would YOU do?

Yeah the beans came back the very next day
The beans came back, he didn't stop to ponder
That the beans came back -- he sold them anyway.

He gave them to a man who had "Starbucks" on his hat
He said, "now these aren't beans, are they, a civet cat has shat?"
The farmer hemmed and hawwed, but he was an honest man.
"Yes," he said, and the buyer put more money in his hand

Because the beans came back the very next day
The beans came back, and it kinda makes you wonder
Yes the beans came back, with an exquisite taste they say

Then the geniuses at Starbucks roasted up these special beans
The ones that had been processed by a civet's in-betweens
They call it Kopi Luwak and it's quite the biggest hit
The people stand and drink it and say, "What is this shit?"

Because the beans come back the very next day
The beans come back like the revenge of Montezuma
Yeah the beans come back. Will you drink them? I say NAY!

Copyright ©2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

'lane' to 'land' fixed by mudelf ;-)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: mousethief
Date: 07 Jul 01 - 12:23 PM

Sorry; "land" of Vietnam. Oy. A week without computers and I've forgotten how to smell. I mean spell.

alex


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: mousethief
Date: 07 Jul 01 - 12:45 PM

Hand me down that bag o' beans
Tune: Hand Me Down that Can O' Beans

Hand me down that bag o' beans (3x)
I'm throwin' it away
Out the winder go the beans (3x)
They smell like shit, I say

Harry, you dumb canary,
Cats eat the cherry
And then they poop the beans out
Very extraordinary,
It costs three hundred bucks a pound!

Hand me down that bag o' beans (3x)
I'll feed 'em to the cat
In the kitty go the beans (3x)
Then wait until it's shat

Harry, our kitty's derri-
erre isn't very
much like a civet's pooper
Harry, I'm very wary
Of this strange gift your mother sent

Mary, it's kinda scary
If dysentery
Should strike them foreign civets
Mary, your darling Harry
Would just prefer a cup of tea....

Copyright ©2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: Áine
Date: 07 Jul 01 - 08:44 PM

Hey mousethief, those are two great songs! It's NEVER too late to enter a song in the Challenge!, so if an idea strikes you for Part 12 or 112 (when we get there), just note it down and 'sock it to us, baby!' ;-)

Both your belated but bewondermous(e) songs are hereby bestowed with the Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest. Congrats, cudos and thanks for the music . . . now get on over to Song Challenge! - Part 59 --- or are you chicken???

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 15 Oct 04 - 08:55 PM

Refresh - but that's just not the right word is it....


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: MMario
Date: 13 Nov 04 - 09:10 AM

refresh


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 57
From: MMario
Date: 19 May 05 - 11:37 AM

refresh


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