BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!

Subject: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: Áine
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 09:21 PM

Call me a whiney titty baby; but, dang it, it hurts, It Hurts, IT BLOODY HURTS!! I've just put my back out again -- via pinched nerve from an old car accident -- and now, my knees are hurting like hell too (via old cheerleader/softball injuries). If katlaughing sees this thread, she can explain how I got this way . . .

What I need from you darlin' 'Catters is some 'down in your back' humour -- Please, make me laugh, 'cuz it upsets my dogs when I wince, moan and scream like this -- not to mention Dear Hubby and the Wonder Kids . . . I'm callin' my 'lifeline' here, folks . . . Damn, it HURTS!!

-- Áine (sorry, no grinny face this time...)

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: kendall
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 09:29 PM

Get used to it dear, you have reached the age where your back goes out more than you do.

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: hesperis
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 09:55 PM

Awwww...

I can always.. no... I'd better not post the link...

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: JenEllen
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 10:13 PM

Aw, baby face! (girl starts hummmmmiinnnngggg)

Spasmed back
She's got the sorest little spasmed back
About as funny as a heart attack
Spasmed back
Now her knees are throbbin'
And she just feels like sobbin'

What's the cure?
For this sort of thing we can't be sure
Some say it's heat, no ice,
Well, don't think twice
You want to feel real keen-y
Just take you some codeine-y

My sweet pet
You're feeling sore and now your doggies fret
Your hubby's hiding and the kids have run
But we'll have fun
Just come to Mudcat
And them blues is on the run

Spasmed back
She's got the sorest little spasmed back
About as funny as a heart attack
Spasmed back
I feel so bad for ya,
Dontcha know I just adooooooore ya
And your little spasmed baaaaaack

(followed by way-cool cheer, double somersault, and the splits....you'll be joining me in no time!)

luv and gentle hugs,
~Jenerator

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 10:40 PM

Me too, but no laughs, it's the place where front-side breathing muscles reach around the back and it hurts to laugh!

I am now CRABBILATED and DECREPPIFIANT.

Wince, moan, upset animals, yes... in my case, yips and grunts and other un-Susanlike emissions of pain.

Hurts to sit at puder too so SEE YA LATER.

~S~

PS, I'm putting your ass out on the prayer list TOMORROW.

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: Sorcha
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 10:44 PM

Why her ass? It's her back that's down.......

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 10:48 PM

Awwww!! C'mon, darlin -- fill them pinched nerves with that green mystic beamlight and HEALLLLL!!!!

So this horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says,

"Why the long face?"

BBBrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr----Chianmnnnnggg!!!

Ask Jenna to send you the Tale of the Hungry Duck....

Or ask her to describe the grease trap down at the Lucid Goose or whatever that steamy restaurant is called...

The problem is probably that you are getting up too early. You've been told this is only the Right and Moral way to live, I imagine. But just remember, lass: The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Actualy if ya don't heal you can sue those jerks!! Get a lawyer, but make sure it is a good one. It pays to keep in mind that 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

And as long as you're set on living in Bush country, remember to support bacteria -- they're the only culture some people have!!! BodddaBang, boddabing!!! Get stretched with some Epson Salts in a hot bath or whatever else makes the ache go away, and recover!!!! Remember those Green Beams!!!

Love ya,

A

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: Áine
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 10:50 PM

To kendall down to Sorcha -- giggle, giggle, ouch, ouch, giggle, giggle, ouch, sh*t, giggle, etc. . . . still hurts like hell, but 'Ta' to you all . . .

-- Á.

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: katlaughing
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 10:53 PM

Oh my dear darlin', don't you go near that codeine, no matter what our Songstress says! Remember the lollipop people! **BG** Think Tiger Balm and aspirin; think standing in the shower, with help of course, and letting the water loosen all those tight-ass muscles. Think relaxed and blow out those long deep breaths, slow-like, now, no hyper-ventilating. If I have to I'll put a paper bag in front of your face and make you breath in it all night!**BG**

NOW, think about how we Mudcat Righteous Wimmin, Your Sisters, are gonna come down there and kick that rat-assed bastard of a snivelling, runny candy-nosed, lazy, good for nothing, supposed a/c repairman where the sun don't shine and his ass isn't gonna be in TexASS anymore! Nope, nosiree, he's not gonna be anywhere near our Goddess-Sister, sitting on his pointy, devil-tailed butt in an a/c truck while she does the work he's being paid for, putting out her back! By the time we get done with him, he WILL know how to treat a lady and he WILL know how do do an honest day's work, or he will get picked to pieces by the Buzzards of the driest, the hottest, the most snake-infested, gawdforsaken patch of desert on gawd's otherwise green earth and he will never, I said, never, pull a boner like he did today!

Now, let's see, you wanted laughs, eh?

luvya and tell Layne he gets LOTS of extra karmic brownie points for babying you, tonight...mehitabel

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: Áine
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 10:57 PM

Weezie -- my sympathies to you and your po' back, with lots of love, hugs & snogs.

And my dearest Amos B.O.T.F. -- ha! And please remember, 'Dah Shrub' ain't no Texan - he was born in Connecticut -- no offense intended, dear kendall (my favourite Yankee)...

-- Á.

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 11:03 PM

If you need a laugh take a look at David Ickes website (www.davidicke.com), this guy is CRAZY! He alleges that the brittish royal family are lizards, and the queen mother is a witch who secretly eats small children.

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: alison
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 11:08 PM

aine.... find yourself a good reflexologist... they can fix backs very quickly.....

slaint

alison

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: Amergin
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 11:30 PM

what I am wondering...is how did you hurt your knees as a cheerleader?

This is great! I can insult my favourite redheaded Texan and not have to worry about any new bumps on my poor abused noggin to add to my ever growing collection of mouth wounds.....

Old Aine, it ain't so bad as long as you can reach your glass ful of teeth....

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: Sorcha
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 11:30 PM

Not a funny, but when I spasmed really badly several years ago, the only thing that helped was FLAT on my back on ice packs. Was only allowed to get up to pee, and it took 3 of us to accomplish that. Heavy duty pain drugs and a week later a cortisone injection.

Couldn't stand up long enough to shower, hurt like HELL to sit down to pee, and it took 4 months to really heal. You ever try to eat FLAT on your back?? No pillows under the head, either. Hope yours is not that bad, dearie.

(Watch your ass, Whizzy is after it..........)

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: JenEllen
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 11:40 PM

Oh NO!!! Not the Tale of the Hungry Duck!!!! She'll KILL me deader than an A/C repairman!!!!

Darlin'GG, just joshin wi'ya... stay away from the drugs. I'm sending you a big ol'mental footrub from the girl. Tea too.

So....
This dumb-ass A/C repairman shows up to work one day with a black eye, and his buddy says "Where'd ya get the shiner?"
"Well," he says, "I was on the bus, and this Goddess sat in front of me. When it came to her stop, I noticed when she stood up that her skirt had stuck in her butt a bit, so I reached up and gave her hem a little tug. She whirled around and decked me."
"Damn Sam," says the buddy. "I guess you won't be doing THAT again!"

The next day, the same dumb-assed guy gets to work, and now his other eye is blacker than the first. His buddy asks him, "What the hell happened this time?"
"Well" says he, "I was on the bus again, and the same Goddess sat in front of me, got up at the same spot, and I'll be damned if her skirt wasn't tucked in her bum just a touch. Couldn't help it, so I reached up REAL gentle like and gave it a tug. She whupped 'round and gave me another shiner."
"GawDAMN Sam, you are about the dumbest thing since CrapCoffee."

Third day, old Sam walks in to work, with his two shiners and a brand-spanking new neck brace. "JAYSUS!! What the hell happened to YOU?"
"Well," says Sam, "I got on the same ol' bus, and whouldn't ya know it, that same Goddess sat in front of me. She got up at the same stop, and I'll be damned if her skirt wasn't puckered up again..."
"Aw, man....please tell me you DIDN'T"
"Oh NO!" says Sam. "The guy next to me reached up and gave her hem a tug, but I told him "NO! She doesn't like it when you do that!!" Then I shoved it back in!"

(((((hugs))))))
~that girl

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 01 - 11:43 PM

Well it ain't no use in straightening your back, babe
The back that's wracked with pain
Ain't no use in straightening your back, babe
You'll just get knocked down again,
When the pain from your muscles makes you start to spin
Remember that the Mudcats are yore lovin' kin,
And you're in awful fine shape for the shape yore in!
But don't stand up, you'll fall down!!!

It ain't no use a sittin' at your 'puter, babe
With yer modem turned way high!
Ain't no use in sittin' at yore 'puter babe,
If typin's gonna make ya cry
Just get yerself a couple of them chocolate malts,
A CD fulla Texas two-step shmaltz
An' a long hot bath full of Epson Salts!
But don't stand up -- you'll fall down!

Ringachinkachingarinkaching, wahhhwahhhhwahhhwoooo!!!

Thank yew fer makin' me what Ah am today, babe!

B. D. Zimmerman

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: GUEST,Cherry Eatin' Cat
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 12:02 AM

Want some coffee?

I just made a fresh pile of beans.

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From:
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 12:09 AM

Áine, hey, you should have a look at Dave Stone's song I Love My Back

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 12:59 AM

Damn there Darlin'...........What I hate here though is that I been there,done that, too and it ended with back surgery...........I'm really a friggin' wreck aren't I? On the plus side, at least medical technology is outpacing my medical conditions!

Here's something fun though.......If it helps to lay flat with your feet up---and your bathroom has the right shape----run a tub of hot water and lay flat on the floor with your legs over the tub. If you lay small sheet of plywood over the tub, this is really quite comfortable! For more enjoyment, strip down nekkid and lay with your ass against the tub........now fart. It will reverberate thoughout the house and considering your predilection for gassy Texas food, you could probably register something on a seismograph....................

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: Dear Hubby
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 01:13 AM

Warning ... All Mudcatters be on alert: Áine has taken the pill! Repeat, Áine has taken the pill!

Please keep this information in mind if any further posts from her over the next 12-24 hours mention odd references to lollipop people, snakes in the mattress, or personal conversations with Mary Shelley, Bram Stoker or Francis Ford Coppola.

Once again, this is a Vicodin warning from the Goddess Emergency Broadcast System (GEBS). Áine has taken the pill!

Please contact Dear Hubby or a Mudcat Elf in your area for further instructions on how to proceed.

Thank you for your support.

DH

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 01:24 AM

Just thow her into a bathroom with her ass against the tub and turn on the tape recorder........Playback the tape on continual loop and when pill really kicks in she'll be ready for a few months of tiple treatment at the Neil Young Center for the Terminally Screwed.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 01:44 AM

Love to help you but after an asthma attack earlier in the week, my back AND sides are still sore.... feels like I was kicked solidly for an hour by my own army boots. So I sympathise, take care and we can do the virtual hug thing if nothing else.

(((LTS)))

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: kendall
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 07:19 AM

It's ok to mention that Bush was born in Connecticut. That does not make him a New Englander, if you cat had kittens in the oven, you wouldn't call them bisquits would you?

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: kendall
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 07:26 AM

Some years ago, I suffered with back pain, sciatica, the whole catastrophy, but, I got talked into seeing a chiropracter, and, as luck would have it, I found a good one. The first one was a quack, so, I "ducked" out of there, but, the second was a genius. I still see her from time to time, and, instead of being unable to drive more than 20 miles, like before, I can now drive 300 miles.

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: Trevor
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 07:46 AM

Last time I went to the doctor with a bad back he told me to say aaah. I said 'why?', he said 'cos my cat's just died'

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: Les from Hull
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 08:18 AM

Sorry to hear about the back, Aine - been there, done that. All I can do is lie on my back on a hard surface. You don't want to be sitting at a computer reading this!

You should think about seeing a chiropractor or similar. They can often do some good, but like kendall says they vary. If the first one don't fix you, don't give up.

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: GUEST,Dancing Mom
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 08:28 AM

ooooh! Been there. Hurts to stand, hurts to sit, hurts to do anything for very long. I lived on ibuprofen. Sleeping on your side with a pillow between the knees might help. Don't bend forward to do ANYTHING. Actually, Catspaw's idea does work. The sofa works well for that , too. I never tried the fart thing, though. Interesting. I guess it could act as one of those vibrating messagers, just on "pulse" instead of "continuous" mode. S.

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: Micca
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 08:29 AM

Dear Aine who lives out in Texas
put her back out while doing reflexes
she is now lying prone
in the bathtub alone
and pain behind her solar plexus

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: Dharmabum
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 09:56 AM

Seems to me ,if you fart on the inside of the tub,you at least get a bubble bath outta the deal!

The year is 1962.Johnny arrives to pick up his date,Becky. Becky's father leads Johnny into the parlor & sits him down on the couch.
"So,what are you two going to do tonight?"Beckys dad inquires.
"Oh probably just go see a movie"says Johnny.
"Why don't you two go out screwing tonight?"suggests Beckys dad.
"What?"says Johnny, quite surprised.
"Sure,Becky loves to screw"says Dad,"Why she'll screw all night long if we let her".
Just then Becky waltzes into the room wearing her poodle skirt & a tight little sweater."I'm ready Johnny".
Becky kisses her dad & she & Johnny head out for their date,with Johnny in a highly anticipated state of mind.
Twenty minutes later,Becky storms through the front door,sweater torn & hanging from her shoulder,hair tangled & makeup smeared.

And Becky shouts.....THE TWIST DAD,...IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!!!!!!!!!

Hope you're feeling better soon. Ron.

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: John J
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 10:04 AM

This won't make you laugh, but it could bring the smile back to your face.

There is a brilliant book called 'Treat your own back' by Robin McKenzie, ISBN 0-9597746-6-1

If you go through the book, cover to cover, it will explain the nature of many back injuries, and more importantly, tell you how to stop the hurting.

Buy it, it's superb. It's available from WH Smiths here in merrie england.

John (long term sufferer of back problems, now almost sorted)

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: Kim C
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 10:15 AM

Bill Gates dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he's put up in a lovely 25,000 sq ft mansion on 250 acres, with his own personal barber and all that. It's peachy keen.

One day, he's out walking in this splendid park and meets a very nattily dressed gentleman.

"Wow, that's a really nice suit," Bill says to the man.

"Yes," he replies. "It's one of many I was given when I came here."

"So where do you live?" asks Bill.

"I live in the 50,000 sq ft mansion on the 500 acre lot," says the man.

Bill is surprised a little. "Wow, you must have been very important on Earth. What did you do, anyway?"

"Why, I was captain of the Titanic," the man says.

"Captain of the Titanic!" Bill exclaims. "Look, I'll see you later, okay?"

Bill rushes off to find St. PEter. "Peter!" he hollers. "I need to talk to you just a minute."

"Certainly, Bill. What can I help you with?

"Well, I just met the captain of the Titanic and - well, I'm not complaning or anything - but he's got a bigger house and more property and nicer clothes than I've got. The captain of the Titanic! I don't get it."

"Well, Bill," St. Peter says, "you see, the Titanic only crashed once."

:-D

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: Sam Pirt
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 10:29 AM

Heres some jokes then:

I saw a magic tractor the other day *pause* it turned into a field.

I saw an amazing scarcrow the other day *pause* it was out standing in its field.

I appogise for my level of jokes but hey they made me laugh!!!

I hope your back gets better soon

Cheers, Sam

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: GUEST,SharonA
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 10:34 AM

Owwwwch... sorry to hear that you're hurting. I've never had back problems, specifically, but I do have lupus and have found Vioxx to be very helpful in managing the pain. Celebrex is in that same general family of medications. They ain't cheap, though, and you have to twist some HMO arms to okay payment for them, but it can be done.

So a priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "You again?"

SharonA

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 10:43 AM

AT the risk of appearing mundane: I am sorry you are hurting. Back pain is a bitch. Hot baths, relaxation, and good drugs will put you right. Be well.
Mary

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: Bert
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 10:47 AM

Awww! here's loads of sympathy for ya from another ol' fart who's bin there.

Yeah you get these pain pills that say take two every four hours, and they don't work, so you take four every two hours. They take an hour to kick in and give you some relief for half an hour, then the pain comes back during the next half hour so you take another double dose. Then you find that they don't work at all because your body has grown immune to their effect so you switch brands and start again.

Then all those pills make you constipated and you can't strain 'cos your back hurts. A bundle of fun ain't it.

Get yerself a chair, lie flat on your back on the floor and bend yer knees and rest your calves on the seat of the chair.

The good news is that it will get better and if you take very good care with your posture and supporting your back, it wont happen too often. After it's hit you a few times you'll get used to reading the warning signs so it will rarely recur.

Don't ever again bend over to pick anything up, always bend at the knees. Carry a small cushion to put in the small of your back when you sit down - especially when driving.

Lots of love and sympathy,

Bert.

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: GUEST,Walking Eagle
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 10:56 AM

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: GUEST,Walking Eagle
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 10:57 AM

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: GUEST,Walking Eagle
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 11:01 AM

I'll get the hang of it THIS time.

A tourist feller was talking to a Cherokee one day. How do you say hello in Cherokee, he asks. The Cherokee said, Well, you go down to the court house steps in Cherokee N.C. and yell out HELLO!

Sad, isn't it?

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: Fortunato
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 11:03 AM

A young father bought a Doberman Pincher puppy as a family pet. The puppy was loving and playful, a good companion. When the dog reached a year and a half he became aggressive, nipping at the children and the neighbors. The veterinarian tells the dog's owner that the dog has reached puberty and the solution is castration. The owner makes an appointment for the following Tuesday for the procedure. That Saturday the man is walking the dog down the street near his apartment when the dog spots a homeless man going through a trashcan down the alley. The dog becomes agitated, breaks loose from his owner, races down the alley and attacks the homeless man. The owner rushs down, pulls the dog off the homeless man who has been bitten several time on the arm and says:

"I'm terribly sorry, we're going to have him castrated on Tuesday."

The homeless man replies: "I don't think that's the problem, I could tell from down the alley he didn't want to screw me."

cheers, Chance.

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 11:07 AM

I'll tellya what's funny is trying to wipe your ass when you can't bend over, reach back, or do anything but howl.

How come nobody warns you about THAT part of back problems?

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 01:23 PM

As they say, Áine, death is nature's way of telling us to slow down - and a backache is a milder way of saying the same thing. Too much digging is bad medicine.

There was this elephant going out for a walk, and he met a mouse.

Well, some elephants are scared of mice, but this one wasn't.

"I am the the mighty elephant, greatest of beasts. I am strongest of all creatures - and you, you are a pathetic mouse. You are weak, tiny, and generally ridiculous. What have you to say for yourself?"

"Well",said the mouse "I haven't been well lately" .

And talking of elephants, visit this page and read a chapter from one of my favourite books, which is about a generally benevolent but at times quite acerbic elephant called Uncle.

And here's a song about getting better (from a knee operation).

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: Les from Hull
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 03:49 PM

Sorry forgot the joke:

A woman goes into a bar (possibly the same bar that everyone and everything else has been going into in his thread) and asks for a double entendre. So the barman gave her one.

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: Bert
Date: 29 Jun 01 - 04:35 PM

Ooh, and I forgot. Lay off of the caffeine. The last thing you need is something that's going to liven up those nerves.

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: Áine
Date: 30 Jun 01 - 08:18 AM

Thank you, thank you, thank you, one and all for the giggles, larfs, guffaws, and good advice!! Dear Hubby kept me abreast (oh behave, Amergin) of your comments and jokes yesterday, and believe me, they kept me prone all the while. ;-)

I'm still hurting, but I can walk (slowly) now. I don't think I'll be digging in the garden for a couple of days, but I'm definitely on the mend. Cudos to all of you for making the pain in my ass (well, close enough for government work) bearable! You all deserve a standing ovation, which I will be able to give you in a couple of days, I promise.

Thanks again to everyone who answered my 'lifeline' call, Áine

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: Mr Red
Date: 30 Jun 01 - 09:33 AM

How far down the back do you want it. I could rub you up the wrong way, what grade of sand paper do you normally take?

"Mummy, mummy, what's an orgasm?"
"I dunno, ask yer dad!"

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 30 Jun 01 - 10:28 AM

Ya' know Aine, i just got to thinkin' that it could be worse........I mean like you could be a female Galapagos Tortoise during mating season and I've seen that and know they have it rough! Looks real painful even if you were feelin' good an.......uh, well...............let's not go there any further.........................

And forget about Bert's advice because the last time he was laying in that position was a few months back when the CRS was acting up pretty bad and he went to the gynecologist instead of the gemologist and ask for an inspection of his jewels............BTW, the report came back as "dessicated and totally worthless."

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: Les from Hull
Date: 30 Jun 01 - 04:14 PM

Late addition - this joke from Maggie:

Two nuns are walking down a lonely lane in Translyvania, when Count Dracula leaps out at them from behind a bush.

'It's Dracula!' exclaims one 'quick, show hime yer cross!'

So the other shouts 'Fuck off you pasty-faced long-toothed git!'

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jun 01 - 04:34 PM

Wal, there was a Bush cousin from the next branch of the family over but one who was half Bush and half Italian. He made himself an offer he could neither understand nor pronounce.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 30 Jun 01 - 04:46 PM

Three nuns die and get to heaven.

St Peter meets them and says, 'sorry ladies, you'll have to answer a question each correctly before I can let you in.'

He looks at the first nun and says 'who was the first woman?'

'Eve' is the reply. 'Correct, in you go', says Peter.

He turns to the second. 'Where did Eve live?'

'Ooohh, I know this one, erm.... garden of Eden?'

'Correct, in you go....' he turns to the third, a Mother Superior, 'What did Eve first say to Adam?'

Mother Superior looks worried... 'Oh boy, that's a hard one.....'

'Correct!' says Peter, 'In you go!'

(alright I stole it from the Vicar of Dibley, but what the heck, it's good to recycle and it's a bloody good joke. Well I thought it was....)

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Make Me Laugh - My Back's Gone Out!!
From: GUEST,Blind Drunk in Blind River
Date: 30 Jun 01 - 05:09 PM

Okay, like, so whats the differnece between a prostitute and a lawyer....???

The prostitute won't keep on screwin you after yer dead!!!

:-D !!!

BDiBR