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BS: Bill Gates' Sense of Humour

Mr Red 02 Jul 01 - 01:47 PM
Amos 02 Jul 01 - 03:38 PM
Mrrzy 02 Jul 01 - 03:54 PM
Kim C 02 Jul 01 - 03:55 PM
Mr Red 02 Jul 01 - 04:31 PM
Grab 02 Jul 01 - 05:34 PM
CraigS 02 Jul 01 - 05:59 PM
Don Firth 02 Jul 01 - 08:44 PM
Don Firth 02 Jul 01 - 09:54 PM
Bert 02 Jul 01 - 10:21 PM
Mrrzy 03 Jul 01 - 01:40 PM
GeorgeH 03 Jul 01 - 02:07 PM
Chester 03 Jul 01 - 02:08 PM
chip a 03 Jul 01 - 02:30 PM
MMario 03 Jul 01 - 02:35 PM
Mrrzy 03 Jul 01 - 03:36 PM
CarolC 03 Jul 01 - 03:48 PM
Mrrzy 03 Jul 01 - 06:52 PM
Bill D 03 Jul 01 - 07:21 PM
CarolC 03 Jul 01 - 07:34 PM
JudeL 04 Jul 01 - 06:19 AM
Angie 04 Jul 01 - 09:29 AM
Don Firth 04 Jul 01 - 01:14 PM
Mr Red 04 Jul 01 - 03:19 PM

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Subject: Bill Gates' Sense of Humour
From: Mr Red
Date: 02 Jul 01 - 01:47 PM

the address of Microsoft Publishing Corp in Redmond Washington is:-

One Microsoft Way


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Subject: RE: BS: Bill Gates' Sense of Humour
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jul 01 - 03:38 PM

...and it's on a branch that leads directly to the highway if you don't take MS way....


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Subject: RE: BS: Bill Gates' Sense of Humour
From: Mrrzy
Date: 02 Jul 01 - 03:54 PM

Try entering "dumb motherf***er" into a Google search (no asterisks, spell the real word out) and hit I'm Feeling Lucky... for a hint of the humor of some of his programmers!


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Subject: RE: BS: Bill Gates' Sense of Humour
From: Kim C
Date: 02 Jul 01 - 03:55 PM

How many crashes do you reckon they have there?


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Subject: RE: BS: Bill Gates' Sense of Humour
From: Mr Red
Date: 02 Jul 01 - 04:31 PM

In 95 and 98 (notice the Y2K compatibility?) they have them after 96 days continuous running (guarranteed)
though who ever had Windows open that long to prove it deserves a medal for their driving ability.
It must be true I read it in a magazine!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Bill Gates' Sense of Humour
From: Grab
Date: 02 Jul 01 - 05:34 PM

Right idea Mr Red, only it's 49.7 days, which is 2^32 milliseconds. At that point the system timer wraps around to zero again, and many programs (and some operating systems :-) can't deal with that happening. I believe (possibly urban myth) that this "feature" was only spotted by inspection of the code, since even Microsoft testers couldn't make the thing run for that long without a reboot.

Graham.


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Subject: RE: BS: Bill Gates' Sense of Humour
From: CraigS
Date: 02 Jul 01 - 05:59 PM

I believe that Bill Gates' sense of humour performed substantially in a normal manner as described in psychiatric texts for 30 days. This happened around 1980. In that 30 day period he persuaded IBM to buy MS-DOS. Since then the quality of most of the products his companies have produced shows that he can be defined medically as a sociopathic and psychopathic maniac,capable of driving an entire planet mad. What is crazy is that he has killed the competition,so Joe Public is very short of choice as to what to buy. When it's Microsoft or nothing what can we do? As a sane person by medical scientific definition, I can only define anyone who likes Bill Gates as GaGa. I just wish one of his programmers would write some redundant code containing blasphemies and nasty insults into one of his programs, so that he would be put on the hit list of every extremist organisation on Earth.


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Subject: RE: BS: Bill Gates' Sense of Humour
From: Don Firth
Date: 02 Jul 01 - 08:44 PM

Programmers' humor: If you are using Word 97 (it may also work with other versions), type "I'd like to see you naked," into a Word document, highlight it, and press Shift+F7 (Thesaurus), and see what you get.

I'm told that there are many other little tidbits like this in MicroSoft programs, put there by programmers trying to keep from going insane. They're called "Easter eggs" for some reason (I'll do some research).

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: BS: Bill Gates' Sense of Humour
From: Don Firth
Date: 02 Jul 01 - 09:54 PM

I found another Easter egg. A great little time-waster:

Egg Title : A pared-down pinball game
How to crack it:
1. In a new document, type Blue.
2. Double-click the word to select it, and select Format and Font.
3. Change the font style to bold, and the text color to blue. Click OK.
4. Type a space after the bold, blue word Blue.
5. Select Help/About Microsoft Word.
6. Hold down Ctrl-Shift and click the banner containing the Word logo.
7. The whole screen will be taken over by a black screen with a cast list and a pinball game. Use Z to work the left flipper and M for the right flipper. If your boss comes to look over your shoulder, hit the Esc key to exit the game.

(Don't say little Billy never gave you nuttin' for free . . . but then again, had he known it was there, he probably would have upped the price.)

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: BS: Bill Gates' Sense of Humour
From: Bert
Date: 02 Jul 01 - 10:21 PM

When it's Microsoft or nothing what can we do? Actually there is a real operating system out there that you can get for free, or for about 50 bucks with the dead tree documentation. It's called Linux and it works and it isn't a memory hog.

And of course Bill Gates has a sense of humor, don't you think he's laughing like hell at all those silly sods that have PAID to try to use the crap his company produces.


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Subject: RE: BS: Bill Gates' Sense of Humour
From: Mrrzy
Date: 03 Jul 01 - 01:40 PM

I think my Dumb Motherf***er one is an Easter Egg too. I think the term just means something yummy you find accidentally...


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Subject: RE: BS: Bill Gates' Sense of Humour
From: GeorgeH
Date: 03 Jul 01 - 02:07 PM

What's more I gather they're going to leave Microsoft in one piece - at least for the next 20 years while the Justice Dept. appeals the Supreme (?) court ruling that splitting the company was too harsh . . . damn it, it was a penalty that just might have worked, and we can't have that, can we???

I guess Gates considers MS's investment in George W's campaign fund to be money well spent . .

G.


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Subject: RE: BS: Bill Gates' Sense of Humour
From: Chester
Date: 03 Jul 01 - 02:08 PM

Well, Eye guess the joakes on me, cuz Eye tryed them cute little tricks like typin' in that insultin' fraze without the asterixes and the wun with the blew wurd and didn't git nothin'.
Chester


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Subject: RE: BS: Bill Gates' Sense of Humour
From: chip a
Date: 03 Jul 01 - 02:30 PM


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Subject: RE: BS: Bill Gates' Sense of Humour
From: MMario
Date: 03 Jul 01 - 02:35 PM

"Easter Eggs" - because they are hidden goodies you only find by searching long and hard - or by having someone tell you where they are.

I no longer have the directions - but there is a 3D- maze hidden in office 97 as well. And people wonder why this stuff is "bloatware"


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Subject: RE: BS: Bill Gates' Sense of Humour
From: Mrrzy
Date: 03 Jul 01 - 03:36 PM

Hey, I couldn't get the pinball game to work, can anybody tell me if it's still there? Does it matter if my autotext thing changed blue to Blue?


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Subject: RE: BS: Bill Gates' Sense of Humour
From: CarolC
Date: 03 Jul 01 - 03:48 PM

Can Supreme Court decisions be appealed? I thought the Supreme Court was the final word. Am I just being naive?


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Subject: RE: BS: Bill Gates' Sense of Humour
From: Mrrzy
Date: 03 Jul 01 - 06:52 PM

If they could be appealed we'd be appealing the presidency, no?


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Subject: RE: BS: Bill Gates' Sense of Humour
From: Bill D
Date: 03 Jul 01 - 07:21 PM

ok...which version of Word are we talking about?...I have 2000, and I get no pinball machine


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Subject: RE: BS: Bill Gates' Sense of Humour
From: CarolC
Date: 03 Jul 01 - 07:34 PM

hmmm....


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Subject: Lyr Add: REINSTALLING WINDOWS (Les Barker)
From: JudeL
Date: 04 Jul 01 - 06:19 AM

I think Les Barker summed it up rather well:

REINSTALLING WINDOWS by LES BARKER

I've bought a computer;
It cost a thousand pound;
Every time I switch it on
It keeps on falling down.

I used to think it was my friend
Now it drives me round the bend;
You'd be surprised the time I spend
Reinstalling Windows.

I switch it on; What is this?
Something wrong with config.sys;
This isn't my idea of bliss,
Reinstalling Windows.

I want to share my printers and
I want to share my files,
Iwant to share my anger 'cos
It drives me bloomin' wild.

My songs, they say, can be sublime;
I've conquered cadence, mastered rhyme;
Nowadays I spend my time
Reinstalling Windows.

Reinstall; Oh what fun!
It says it helps you get things done;
Everyday now everyone's
Reinstalling windows.

Watch the screen ; watch it say
All you do is plug and play
How do I spend every day?
Reinstalling Windows.

It can't find my printer and
It can't find my mouse;
The other day it told me they
were in some other house.

Still unplugged , still unplayed,
Emailed God in search of aid
He's far too busy I'm afraid,
Reinstalling Windows.

Up at dawn for one more try;
Does it work? Can pigs fly?
How do I expect to die?
Reinstalling Windows.

I used to like a drink or three;
No time now; Don't call for me;
I'm going to spend eternity
Reinstalling Windows.

It doesn't like my Modem and
Detests all CD-Roms;
Let's see if the set up wizard
Recognises bombs.

I used to think it was my friend;
Now it drives me round the bend;
You'd be surprised the time I spend
Reinstalling Windows.

(Repeat the last three verses)

cheers Jude


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Subject: RE: BS: Bill Gates' Sense of Humour
From: Angie
Date: 04 Jul 01 - 09:29 AM

bill gates died and god was in a quandry as to where to send him as he had done so much bringing people together on the one hand but had made a few major mistakes on the other, so god decided to do something he had never done before....he gave old bill the choice.But bill said "god i can't make a decision without seeing both places, could i have a tour?"So god took bill to hell and it was beautifull..sandy beaches,azure sea gently lapping on the shore, palm trees swaying and bronzed beauties cavorting in the water..bill was impressed.Then god showed him heaven..it was all billy had thaught it would be..little cherubs on fluffy clouds playing soothing music on golden harps,angels everywhere...very peacefull.after a bit of consideration bill said to God "thanks for the tour god but i've decided to go to hell as i've always liked the sunshine" so god sent bill to hell. after a few months had passed god was wondering how billy was doing so he went to visit, there chained to a pillar being tortured by all manner of nasty demons was a very pissed off mr gates. "god this is nothing like the place you showed me where's my sandy beaches and palm trees?" bill whined,and god replied "sorry bill.....i thaught you knew...that was just the screen saver".


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Subject: RE: BS: Bill Gates' Sense of Humour
From: Don Firth
Date: 04 Jul 01 - 01:14 PM

The pinball machine is in Word 97.

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: BS: Bill Gates' Sense of Humour
From: Mr Red
Date: 04 Jul 01 - 03:19 PM

I tried the "nude" wheeze, tried to show the girlfriend and .................. crash
It kept on wanting "lmouse", suggesting "re-installing windows" and going into safe mode.
Is this a case of "safe seeks"?
or should I have been naked whilst attempting to thesaurise?

the mouse is none the worse for the ordeal, even though I avoided the whole windows re-install.
Thesaurus here I come, arrive, rendezvous, meet with, .........


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Mudcat time: 19 February 6:53 AM EST

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