Coping with nightmare gigs

Subject: Coping with nightmare gigs
From: Cappuccino
Date: 07 Jul 01 - 02:05 PM

May I ask how everyone deals with a really bad gig? I've just had a pig of one - and ,don't laugh, it was on Britain's March for Jesus day, so I'm not really even allowed a good swear! I did the first half-hour playing bass on the back of a lorry in a five-piece band, heading four hundred marchers up our main street - no problem at all, except for the speed bumps, and generally having a really great time. But our duo was to do a couple of guitar-and-harmonica songs at the end of the march, and in quick succession, the following happened – I stripped one fingernail playing bass on the band's last number, knowing that my first with the duo was to be a finger-picked ragtime. When the band finished, and while I still had my bass strapped on, the lunatic MC announced the duo onstage… I guess I was expected to pack the bass away, get out the guitar, tune the guitar, try and find some space to play at the business end of the PA, all in zero seconds. Then I picked up my small-body Tonewood, which has been a recalcitrant (there's a good Christian, I'm minding my language!) since I bought it six months ago – and the top E machine head actually seized up solid. I needed pliers to tune that string. And then… the PA howled, screamed and fed back with our duo begging the two professional sound men to help us get a level and a mix… to which they replied 'sorry, we're busy trying to get our portable CD player working!' An absolute nightmare, in front of a lot of people who know us. I dare not show my face in church tomorrow morning, I've packed all my guitars away in an upstairs room, and I'm even feeling scared to leave the house! Tell, me, please - short of slitting wrists and fixing a noose from the chimney, how does anyone else cope with an absolute nightmare of a gig?

- Ian B, Oxford

Subject: RE: Coping with nightmare gigs
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 07 Jul 01 - 02:28 PM

Sometimes you play the gig... sometimes the gig plays you...

Ya just gotta blow it off, and head down the road to the next one...

Yer not the first, and you won't be the last...

;-)

Subject: RE: Coping with nightmare gigs
From: Don Firth
Date: 07 Jul 01 - 03:00 PM

Clinton's right. That, Ian, is a bummer.

I would say go ahead and go to church. Laugh about the gig and get everybody else to laugh with you.

Way back when, my little sister, Pat, gave me a piece of advice that has stood me in good stead many times. She was a champion figure skater (U. S. Junior Ladies Champion in 1953 and seventh place in the World Championships in 1955). Even though she's five years younger than me, she was an experienced performer (as a skater) even before I started doing much performing as a singer. She said something that really stuck with me: "Always assume that you have to be about thirty percent better than you think you need to be -- because when you go to perform, nothing is ever going to be ideal. Something unexpected will always go wrong, and you will have to be able to compensate for it."

Boy, was she right! And on those rare occasions where everything does go okay -- well -- just give thanks and enjoy it. Better luck next time!

Don Firth

Subject: RE: Coping with nightmare gigs
From: Ralphie
Date: 07 Jul 01 - 03:07 PM

My advice is simple.....
If you play a "bum" note......next time round the tune ...play it louder, and then, it's their fault for not realising how brilliant you were at improv...!
Works for me, every time !!
Ralphie

Subject: RE: Coping with nightmare gigs
From: Cappuccino
Date: 07 Jul 01 - 03:29 PM

Thanks, guys. I have to say that I come from the old school of pub and club musicians, where when you play a bum note, you laugh your head off. (Though I like Ralphie's idea of repeating it!) What completely fazed me was a gig where everything went wrong, and then some... All the best - Ian B

Subject: RE: Coping with nightmare gigs
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 07 Jul 01 - 06:28 PM

Ian, my sympathies. After thirty three years of professional gigs, everything from playing to Royalty to having a beer bottle thrown at me in an Ontario mining town........trust me.......in a few years this "nightmare" will become a hilarious story!

It's a memorable one though. I've done many "back of flatbead truck" gigs (usually for labour parades) and they NEVER work out!

Cheers

Rick

Subject: RE: Coping with nightmare gigs
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 08 Jul 01 - 03:24 AM

Even Christians are allowed to swear, just don't do it where other members of your congregation can hear you - especially if you are the minister!!! (mine swears like a trooper - wonder if he still does it at his new job in the cathedral?!). It's blaspheming that is frowned upon, so some good Anglo Saxon is quite acceptable.

LTS - who has sworn at (and because of) more church meetings than she cares to remember.....

Subject: RE: Coping with nightmare gigs
From: Cappuccino
Date: 08 Jul 01 - 06:43 AM

Y'know, the more I visit Mudcat, the more the good-humoured encouragement takes my breath away. I've only been visiting this site for a few weeks, and already a couple of complete strangers in other parts of the world have helped me track down a deleted album I sessioned on from 1982...! I guess I'll untie the noose from the chimney. It would probably just have brought the roof down, anyway. Thanks, everyone - Ian B in Oxford

Subject: RE: Coping with nightmare gigs
From: Celtic Soul
Date: 08 Jul 01 - 10:50 AM

I sing in a group, so it makes it a little easier than when you're solo. If the crowd is a complete downer, we play off of one another. Sometimes, this brings the crowd around, sometimes not. We have found that there are times though when *we* think the show was a complete waste, and afterwards, people come up and say they loved it. It perplexes us when they sit there stoney faced, but all in all what I think this says is that you never know what is really going on in the minds of others.

Subject: RE: Coping with nightmare gigs
From: Celtic Soul
Date: 08 Jul 01 - 11:15 AM

OOPS! Sorry IanB!!!!

That's what I get for being in a hurry and replying to a header name alone without reading the content. My bad!!

I used to play with an exceptionally funny and upbeat sort of guy. He was always happy, and it just naturally rubbed off. One gig, he had a similar time to the one you describe. At one point he broke a string. No probs, he kept going. Then another broke. He was a good guitarist, he worked around the missing strings, but when he blew still more and had all of one string remaining, he threw the guitar over his back, and started "air guitaring". The crowd and everyone on stage lost it. I can only wish that I had the amount of happy-calm he had, but I can say his handling made for a light ending to a potentially yucky happenstance.

Subject: RE: Coping with nightmare gigs
From: clansfolk
Date: 08 Jul 01 - 11:16 AM

Ian -

We've all been there - learn from the lessons given on the day

Some problems may not have occured with more planning on your or the oganisers part (finding out exactly what was required and when..., making sure gear was in good order before the gig etc) If you can solve any of the problems you encounter for the next time - do so - if you feel they were beyond your control - you weren't to blame - so no recriminations!

Some of the bad gigs I've had over the years (and that is plural gigs) have not really been anyones fault just a mismatch of entertainers and audience (Maybe a fault of the oganisers?), but it's the bad gigs that make the good gigs better!

Take heart and join the club - they'll be more.... but you'll cope because you enjoy it!! (why else do we sing and play - the money's awefully poor!!)

Take care

Pete

Subject: RE: Coping with nightmare gigs
From: catspaw49
Date: 08 Jul 01 - 01:01 PM

Ever since I learned the English slang usage for the word gig, I can barely read it in context anymore without getting a laugh! In this case, I've had dreams about them, but never nightmares!

Spaw

Subject: RE: Coping with nightmare gigs
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 08 Jul 01 - 02:09 PM

On swearing: As I recall, there's a commandment against taking the Lord's name in vain, whatever that originally meant (It may have meant perjury.), but I don't see anything in the Bible against saying "shit!" This comes under the heading of politeness. Saying "shit" may be impolite, but I don't see any reason Christians should be more polite than other people -- or that anyone should be more polite in the presence of Christians than at other times.

Still, politeness is a good thing, and I commend your effort to be polite in a public performance.

It wouldn't have been impolite for you to go the mike immediately (when you were introduced prematurely) and say, "I'll be ready in about 5 minutes [or whatever]." This would have given the MC the choice of how to fill the 5 minutes.

Or, you could have filled the 5 minutes yourself with some inconsequential chatter while you bandaged your finger, tuned your guitar, etc. But generally, only people who have had a LOT of experience in front of audiences can do this comfortably. And maybe even they aren't comfortable, but if they convincingly LOOK comfortable, they help the audience feel comfortable.

Even the best performers occasionally have to deal with mishaps: a broken string, a mike that won't work, forgotten words, a low-flying plane that drowns out the sound at an outdoor concert, etc. The next time you see this, pay close attention to how the performer handles it. The best, most experienced ones will INVOLVE the audience in the crisis by explaining exactly what happened (if it isn't obvious, like the airplane), thereby gaining their sympathy, and maybe getting them to laugh about it.

Subject: RE: Coping with nightmare gigs
From: SINSULL
Date: 08 Jul 01 - 02:31 PM

When given a choice between laughing and crying - laugh. And next year , consider atheism.

Subject: RE: Coping with nightmare gigs
From: Cappuccino
Date: 08 Jul 01 - 03:03 PM

Now calmer, I recall a date from the past, also involving a sound man... I was playing with a rock band, the audience was in and getting restive waiting for us to start, we had the backline all sound-checked and ready, but the PA was giving no sound. Five minutes after start time, and no PA sound. Ten minutes, no sound. Fifteen minutes, sound man wrestling desperately with the mixer, no sound. Audience now dangerously restless. Sound man yells up to the stage: 'Don't blame me, I can't get anything out of the PA'. Then the singer's girlfriend puts down her drink,crawls under the mixing desk... and plugs in the mains lead!!! Ah, I have to say that putting Scotch in my coffee today has helped considerably. Regards to all. - IanB

Subject: RE: Coping with nightmare gigs
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 01:09 AM

IanB, you shoulda killed the soundmen.

God would forgive you.
Good soundmen are angels. Bad ones are abominations.

Rich

Subject: RE: Coping with nightmare gigs
From: paddymac
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 01:55 AM

Subject: RE: Coping with nightmare gigs
From: paddymac
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 01:58 AM

Sorry about that. What I meant to say, by way of condensation, was that your nightmare gig was both a learning experience and, most importantly, just another page in you book of memories. You can look forward to telling you grandkids about someday.

Subject: RE: Coping with nightmare gigs
From: Hollowfox
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 10:54 AM

You are to be commended for caring that your audience got the best possible performance. At least you did get a good story out of it. Since none of it was your fault, I hope you went to church yesterday for a little celestial chat about this. Is there a patron saint for soundcrew or techies in general yet? If so, they need to be informed. (I attend a Methodist church, but it doesn't stop me from having a word with certain particular saints, as needed.) On the secular level, most of the audience, whether they know you or not, will remember the feedback and the sound crew's botch-ups, or they were chasing after their children or somesuch dealing with small problems, not paying the rapt attention they would in a hall. A lot was going on that day, and your part was a small portion of it for them. If you'd lost your temper onstage or something, they might have vivid memories of the afternoon (a bad thing), but as it is, I think they'll just remember that they had a day out, including music.

Subject: RE: Coping with nightmare gigs
From: Whistle Stop
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 12:27 PM

So if the sound man can't make the system work properly, the solution is to have the singer's girlfriend crawl under the mixing desk? Was it the sound man who suggested this, by any chance? Hmmmm....

Seriously, those of us who play out regularly have all had our share of nightmare gigs. Keep your cool, smile, relax, and make a few mental notes about what went wrong so that you can try to avoid similar problems in the future. Then try to book another gig for the same crowd, so they can get another shot at hearing you when things are going right. Above all, don't get discouraged -- it comes with the territory.

Subject: RE: Coping with nightmare gigs
From: Phil Cooper
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 03:21 PM

A friend of mine was playing a local festival in Milwaukee and getting no cooperation from the sound guys. They asked for a better balance between the guitar/vocals and fiddle and the sound guy said, "no one likes this kind of music anyway." He was wearing a leather jacket with the company's logo -Penetator Souund- on his back. Sounded like the name said it all... I agree that bad gigs make the good ones that much better. Don't lose any sleep about things you can't control.

Subject: RE: Coping with nightmare gigs
From: Kim C
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 05:45 PM

It's just part of the package. Laugh about it and go on t the next one. Onward and upward!!!! :-)

Subject: RE: Coping with nightmare gigs
From: MikeofNorthumbria
Date: 10 Jul 01 - 06:46 AM

Dear IanB

Don't be discouraged. The gig from hell comes to anyone who plays regularly. Think of it as a learning experience, and a test of your professionalism. Being professional doesn't mean never making a mistake: it means being able to recover from a mistake (your own, or someone else's) and keep smiling while you do it.

Wassail!

Subject: RE: Coping with nightmare gigs
From: Louisa
Date: 10 Jul 01 - 07:29 AM

There is a soundman in Norwich who every musician knows as 'Deaf Geoff' if that's any indication of how awful he is! He has absolutely no idea what he is doing unless you're a standard guitar, bass, drums, vocals rock band. Acoustic instruments, you can forget it! He won't ever put any flute in the monitor so if you're playing with a flautist you can't hear them.

I was also invoved with a production of a musical where Geoff had to fill in for the other soundman who had set it up perfectly. Unfortunately Geoff decided to change it all which resulted in several very very loud booms from the speakers. Afterwards the Director went to have a go at him and Geoff blamed the booms on 'radio waves from taxi cabs'.

I also did a gig once with a 12 string guitarist who hit the strings so hard that they went more and more out of tune every second. It always took him hours to tune and the rest of the band had to sit round going 'no its still a little bit flat'. 5 years later after he'd played a few chords we'd be back to square one!

Subject: RE: Coping with nightmare gigs
From: LR Mole
Date: 10 Jul 01 - 09:29 AM

As I am fond of saying (and therefore have probably said here at least once:) there are always three shows going on:the one you're doing
the one the audience is hearing
and the one on the tape recorder if you have it turned on.
None of these have anything to do with either of the others.

Subject: RE: Coping with nightmare gigs
From: Cappuccino
Date: 10 Jul 01 - 10:17 AM

The more you make me laugh, the more I feel better. With regard to Mr. Mole's metaphysical view, which I love, my partner in the disastrous duo also shares this idea. He's a graphic artist, and occasionally he shows a client a rough draft, and they say 'perfect'. When he says no, it isn't finished, they insist it's just right. He concludes that there is a mystical transformation between what is put out and what is received.

As for Louisa's 12-string guitarist, I lasted three months in a really awful Irish folk trio in these parts; a 12-string guitar, fiddle, and me on bass. Only the singer/guitarist was Irish. Apart from having no sense of rhythm, he was a string-breaker. How many strings do you break onstage in an average year? One, or two? I swear, this guy broke four every night, and that is the absolute honest truth. One night, someone from the audience went home to fetch his own guitar, because this singer had run out of strings.

On this particular night, he broke into an absolute breakneck rhythm. Of the twelve strings, perhaps four were tuned somewhere near where they might be. I couldn't work out the key, nor the rhythm… it wasn't three-four, 4/4, 6/8, or anything I'd ever heard. As the rhythm grew weirder and the strings farther out of tune, I had to make a decision - as bass player, do I go with the guitar or the fiddle?

I glanced at the fiddler, who looked away as if to say 'nothing to do with me, mate'. I ploughed a course between the two, and eventually a couple of the guitar strings went, and the number clattered to a halt with a sound like a freight train hitting the buffers. In that eerie half-second of absolute silence which often occurs in such moments, the guitarist looked round and said 'Ian, you're putting the whole ****ing band off!'

I quit!

- Ian B

Subject: RE: Coping with nightmare gigs
From: Hollowfox
Date: 10 Jul 01 - 01:12 PM

It's never *their* fault, is it? *BG*