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Song Challenge! - Part 60

Áine 12 Jul 01 - 08:43 PM
Micca 12 Jul 01 - 09:47 PM
Áine 12 Jul 01 - 10:06 PM
Amos 12 Jul 01 - 10:21 PM
Áine 12 Jul 01 - 10:47 PM
Philibuster 12 Jul 01 - 11:04 PM
Bill D 13 Jul 01 - 12:02 AM
Amos 13 Jul 01 - 12:13 AM
Philibuster 13 Jul 01 - 12:33 AM
mousethief 13 Jul 01 - 02:16 AM
mousethief 13 Jul 01 - 03:12 AM
mousethief 13 Jul 01 - 03:16 AM
Aidan Crossey 13 Jul 01 - 05:21 AM
SharonA 13 Jul 01 - 08:40 AM
MMario 13 Jul 01 - 09:33 AM
Scabby Douglas 13 Jul 01 - 09:37 AM
Áine 13 Jul 01 - 09:44 AM
Áine 13 Jul 01 - 11:07 AM
Amos 13 Jul 01 - 11:09 AM
MMario 13 Jul 01 - 11:12 AM
Amos 13 Jul 01 - 11:30 AM
MMario 13 Jul 01 - 11:33 AM
GUEST,judy@attcanada.net 13 Jul 01 - 11:35 AM
mousethief 13 Jul 01 - 11:36 AM
mousethief 13 Jul 01 - 11:42 AM
Áine 13 Jul 01 - 11:49 AM
mousethief 13 Jul 01 - 12:12 PM
Trapper 13 Jul 01 - 02:26 PM
Áine 13 Jul 01 - 04:44 PM
SharonA 13 Jul 01 - 05:17 PM
Amos 13 Jul 01 - 05:47 PM
Áine 13 Jul 01 - 05:51 PM
Jack the Sailor 14 Jul 01 - 02:00 AM
Áine 14 Jul 01 - 10:32 PM
mousethief 15 Jul 01 - 12:49 AM
Áine 16 Jul 01 - 12:15 AM
Jack the Sailor 16 Jul 01 - 12:26 AM
Amos 16 Jul 01 - 08:12 AM
SharonA 16 Jul 01 - 08:25 AM
Amos 16 Jul 01 - 09:32 AM
Aidan Crossey 16 Jul 01 - 09:55 AM
Jack the Sailor 16 Jul 01 - 10:45 AM
Áine 16 Jul 01 - 01:20 PM
mousethief 16 Jul 01 - 01:41 PM
MMario 16 Jul 01 - 02:03 PM
Amos 16 Jul 01 - 02:07 PM
mousethief 16 Jul 01 - 02:21 PM
Barbara 16 Jul 01 - 02:38 PM
mousethief 16 Jul 01 - 04:25 PM
MMario 16 Jul 01 - 04:28 PM
mousethief 16 Jul 01 - 04:42 PM
mousethief 16 Jul 01 - 05:04 PM
GUEST,RobDale 16 Jul 01 - 05:59 PM
Amos 16 Jul 01 - 06:19 PM
mousethief 16 Jul 01 - 06:57 PM
Bradypus 16 Jul 01 - 07:03 PM
mousethief 16 Jul 01 - 07:08 PM
mousethief 16 Jul 01 - 07:11 PM
Bradypus 16 Jul 01 - 07:16 PM
mousethief 16 Jul 01 - 07:19 PM
Áine 16 Jul 01 - 09:59 PM
MMario 16 Jul 01 - 10:56 PM
Amos 16 Jul 01 - 11:52 PM
Hawker 17 Jul 01 - 02:50 AM
mousethief 17 Jul 01 - 06:15 AM
MMario 17 Jul 01 - 09:48 AM
Hawker 17 Jul 01 - 01:20 PM
Jack the Sailor 18 Jul 01 - 02:35 AM
Jack the Sailor 18 Jul 01 - 11:04 PM
mousethief 19 Jul 01 - 01:22 PM
Jack the Sailor 19 Jul 01 - 02:14 PM
Jack the Sailor 19 Jul 01 - 02:15 PM
Hawker 19 Jul 01 - 04:01 PM
mousethief 19 Jul 01 - 04:04 PM
Áine 19 Jul 01 - 07:39 PM
Jack the Sailor 19 Jul 01 - 07:51 PM
MMario 19 Jul 01 - 08:28 PM
Áine 19 Jul 01 - 09:23 PM
mousethief 20 Jul 01 - 01:16 PM
GUEST,SharonA at the library 21 Jul 01 - 01:55 PM
MMario 23 Jul 01 - 09:21 AM
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Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Áine
Date: 12 Jul 01 - 08:43 PM

Well, dear Challenge!rs, you can't say that the moss grows on the rolling stones in my head! ;-)

This Challenge! idea comes from Challenge!r JenEllen; so, I'm quoting herself when I say:

Don't You Think They'd Get A Stiff Neck? -- Two University of Kentucky professors have been awarded a patent for an intranasal for of Sildenafil, the active ingredient in Viagra, which would produce almost instantaneous effects.

Anwar Hussein and Lewis Dittert, who filed for the patent in Dec'98 and received international media attention, were awarded the patent in March.

They said their delivery system would allow patients to get results in 5 to 15 minutes. In pill form, Viagra takes about an hour to work.

Somebody go and tell Catspaw to keep a squinty eye on this one . . . I think it's gonna be good!!

So -- sniff, sniff, GO FOR IT, CHALLENGE!RS!!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Micca
Date: 12 Jul 01 - 09:47 PM

Well here ya go
New Viagra
Tune "on Top of Old Smokey"
By Micca


On top of the sofa
with my sweetheart I lay
I popped some Viagra
To help me on my way
I dived for my true love
This new stuffs a blast
Vaulted into the garden
Its kicked in so fast

This new style Viagra
Works without delay
'stead of waiting an hour
it gives instant replay
and instant replay boys
is a boon and a crack
it gives forward momentum
but it knackers your back

so all the young ladys
are lamenting each day
for the hour of waiting
was once spent in foreplay
now their fellas are falling
back to their old way
wham bam thank you ma am
and I'll be on my way


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Áine
Date: 12 Jul 01 - 10:06 PM

Oh Micca - That is a PERFECT first entry for this Challenge! And a Silver Spittoon candidate to boot -- geez, what a spit-take that was...;-)

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jul 01 - 10:21 PM

The Aisle Where Sildenafil Stands

(Tune: The Garden Where the Praties Grow)
Click to Play

Have you ever been in love, me boys, Oh! have you felt the pain?
I used to judge I was in love, by the burning in my brain
But thanks to modern science now, I'm master of me glands
And I owe it the aisle where Sildenafril stands.

Chorus: She  was just the sort of creature, lads, that'ss sure to stir your blood

Her curves were so delicious, and her style was awfully good,

But I almost lost the chance for love, when I could not expand

And I met her in the aisle where Sildenafil stands!


It was in the aisle at QuickRite where this colleen met me eye,
And our minds they met like forest flames against the evening sky
It was pretty near miraculous how quickly we did fall,
And we grappled by the gardenware, in front of God and all!


Chorus

It was getting energetic, and we moved and swung and swayed
We finally tumbled to the floor just past the Hearing Aids!
She was fire, ice and thunder!  I was putty in her hands,
By the time we reached the aisle where Sildenafil stands


Chorus

Says I, "My lovely darling, I'm I would take ye here and now!
She pressed right up against me, and murmured "Tell me how!"
"Oh whisper dirty words to me, and slay me with your charms!"
And my words were fine and florid and she melted in me arms

Chorus

We were pressed against the counters where they stack the hair shampoo
And the moment was upon us when I strangely came unglued
I had never done it "retail", and my mind began to creak,
And although me heart was willing still my flesh it just stayed weak!


Chorus

But the lass was every inch a match, she'd not be turned away!
And to cure my poor performance, well, she grabbed a nasal spray,
And she whispered soft and luscious as I fumbled with her clothes,
"See, insertion is a two way street!", amd she poked it up my nose!


Chorus

Well we found ourselves successful, sir, in minutes less than three
And now she's had a bouncing boy, and named it after me!
And every year we celebrate, we're known throughout the land,
For our reunions in the aisle where Sildenafil stands!
 

Chorus: She was just the sort of creature, lads, that'ss sure to stir your blood

Her curves were so delicious, and her style was awfully good,

But I almost lost the chance for love, when I could not expand

And I met her in the aisle where Sildenafil stands!

Regards,

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Áine
Date: 12 Jul 01 - 10:47 PM

Once again, Amos, BOTF, stands straight out in his field . . . ;-) Wunnerful, wunnerful, my dear!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Philibuster
Date: 12 Jul 01 - 11:04 PM

The Stuff That Once Filled Edward's Balls
(to The Harp That Once Thro' Tara's Halls)

The stuff that once filled Edward's balls,
Its small blue capsule shed.
Now sits on the shelf on Eckerds walls
In a spray of red.
So shakes the fist of a former senator,
His advertising days are oe'r
And hearts that once waited hours too long,
Now get it long before.

No more for chiefs and ladies old,
The pill of viagra swells.
The spray alone when used at night,
Will keep the old fart bold.
Thus Richard now more often wakes,
Elizabeth now more gives,
Ladies fear being screwed too much,
Till they no longer live.

=P


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Bill D
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 12:02 AM

Micca's is great..Phil's is cute,,,but Amos...that's classic!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 12:13 AM

++++*blush*++++

Ta kindly, Bill.

A.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Philibuster
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 12:33 AM

Cute? I'm caught somewhere between blushing and kicking your ass, Bill D. =P


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 02:16 AM

Both me and the missus loved yers especially, Amos!

I'll be back tomorrer with me own entry (if you'll excuse the pun).

Alex


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 03:12 AM

Couldn't wait.

The Ballad of Jed's Limp Pet
tune: The Ballad of Jed Clampett

Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named Jed
A man so limp he couldn't please his wife in bed
But then one day he was talkin' with his doc
He got some little blue pills for the firmin' of the cock
(spoken) Viagra, that is. Medical miracle.

So he hurried on home and he said to his wife,
"Prepare yourself for the lovin' of your life!"
She got all hot, and was ready with a will
So into his mouth he popped a little blue pill
Nothing happened. She got bored.

Then Jed read the bottle, it said it takes an hour
His wife was fast asleep before his tool began to flower
He woke her up gently and said, "dear, take off your clothes!"
And she told him very plainly he could stick it up his nose!
But he couldn't, really. It wasn't that long.

So he went back to the doctor the very next day
The doctor said, "try this new nasal spray!"
But Jed said sadly he was runnin' out of dough
But it warn't "the pill" and so 'twas covered by his HMO!
Talk about your social injustice. I mean really.

Now Jed is retired, and it's all very spiffy
Just a snort up his nose and he's got an instant stiffy
They make love all night till they're both completely spent
And the whole thing is paid for by the U.S. Government.
Medicare, that is. God bless America!

Copyright © 2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

line break fixed by mudelf ;-)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 03:16 AM

Should be a line break (br) between "Pet" and "tune:" -- Joe clone/elf please fix! Thanks.

Alex


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 05:21 AM

To the tune of A Nation Once Again

INHALATION ONCE AGAIN
When boyhood's fire was in my blood
I used to please the weemin
How proud and stiff my manhood stood
They thought they must be dreamin'
I never thought I yet might see
My virility regained
But I've sniffed out a miracle cure
Inhalation once again

CHORUS
Inhalation once again
Inhalation once again
But I've sniffed out a miracle cure
Inhalation once again

How low I sunk when first I found
My downstairs friend had failed me
The girls no longer I'd astound
No longer they would trail me
Quacks and shrinks and medics all
Tried curing me in vain
But I've sniffed out a miracle cure
Inhalation once again

Chorus

My staff of life, my wand of love
My pleasure-cudgel's mended
When the ladies visit my bed above
No longer they're offended
We'll frolic and we'll gambol
Play the tunnel and the train
Since I've sniffed out the miracle cure
Inhalation once again

Chorus (third line changes to "Since I've sniffed, etc.")


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: SharonA
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 08:40 AM

No songs yet, but I was thinking as I read the Challenge! that they ought to have named the product "Sniff 'n Stiff"...


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: MMario
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 09:33 AM

There's got to be a way to work pinnochio into this...

WHEN YOU SNIFF
(tune:When you wish upon a star)

When you sniff Sildenafil
it works quicker then Viagra will
And the one your heart desires
will come with you!

When your staff will not get stiff
Just grab the inhaler, take a sniff
When you take Sildenafil
as lovers will

Sildenafil
it brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of
Their instant "long"-ing

Like a flagpole, straight and stiff
You will be if once you sniff
Just inhale and you will see
Your dreams come true!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Scabby Douglas
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 09:37 AM

The Mystery Decongestant
(Tune: The Rigs o' Rye)

Twas in the month of sweet July
When pollen fills the sultry sky
From fields of rapeseed and of rye
From hayfever I was suffering

My lass said "Laddie, your nose is red"
"Catarrh and mucus have filled your head"
To the medicine chest she then me led
To seek a cure for my ailments

She cried "Aha! this is what you need!"
"A decongestant supreme indeed
Although the label I can't... quite... read..
Get this stuck up your nostrils!"

A nostril then I quickly chose
And breathing in, received a dose
The other aperture of my nose
was soon treated likewise

Although my congestion it did not quell
In other ways I felt quite well
In fact I'd say it made me ...swell
It made me quite astonished

My lass was pleased I'd recovered so,
Off to bed she made me go
And I replied "My dearest, no."
Unless you're coming with me

My ardour took her by surprise
Indeed she could not believe her eyes
AS normally my readiness dies
When stricken with any illness

It served us well for many a day
We'd sniff and sniff and away we'd play
The inhaler expired, I'm sad to say
But Vick's just wasn't the same

Now I've searched the pharmacies far and wide
For every inhaler they can provide
But Although my nostrils are clean and wide
I've never found another

Cheers

SD


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Áine
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 09:44 AM

Wow! What you all can come up with when I'm asleep in my bed, dreaming of new Challenge!s to perplex you with . . . Here are the Silver B.L.O.B.s for the wondrous bits of verse so far:

To Micca for an ultimate spit-take with:

so all the young ladys
are lamenting each day
for the hour of waiting
was once spent in foreplay
now their fellas are falling
back to their old way
wham bam thank you ma am
and I'll be on my way

To Amos, BOTF, for the guffaw producing:

But the lass was every inch a match, she'd not be turned away!
And to cure my poor performance, well, she grabbed a nasal spray,
And she whispered soft and luscious as I fumbled with her clothes,
"See, insertion is a two way street!", amd she poked it up my nose!

To Philibuster for the soon-to-be-oft-quoted:
The stuff that once filled Edward's balls,
Its small blue capsule shed.
Now sits on the shelf on Eckerds walls
In a spray of red.
So shakes the fist of a former senator,
His advertising days are oe'r
And hearts that once waited hours too long,
Now get it long before.

To mousethief for his down-home bonhomme with:

Then Jed read the bottle, it said it takes an hour
His wife was fast asleep before his tool began to flower
He woke her up gently and said, "dear, take off your clothes!"
And she told him very plainly he could stick it up his nose!
But he couldn't, really. It wasn't that long.

And to a chara chóir, derrymacash, for his rally-round-the-flagpole-boys lines:

My staff of life, my wand of love
My pleasure-cudgel's mended
When the ladies visit my bed above
No longer they're offended
We'll frolic and we'll gambol
Play the tunnel and the train
Since I've sniffed out the miracle cure
Inhalation once again

These brilliant B.L.O.B.s bode well for a 'miraculous' Challenge! -- Maith sibh, well done to all!!!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Áine
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 11:07 AM

Well, I can tell that you all are gonna keep me 'hopping' on this one . . . Here are some more well-earned Silver B.L.O.B.s:

To MMario for the 'fantastick' lines:
Like a flagpole, straight and stiff
You will be if once you sniff
Just inhale and you will see
Your dreams come true!

And to Scabby Doug for the melancholy:

Now I've searched the pharmacies far and wide
For every inhaler they can provide
But Although my nostrils are clean and wide
I've never found another

Keep it going, Challenge!rs ;-)

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 11:09 AM

I am speechless; and that's rarer than a flagpole raising event in a banker's boudoir!!

You guys are all wunnerful.

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: MMario
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 11:12 AM

I wanted to do a parody to "I've got no strings" but all I could come up with was a first line:

I need a string to tie me down..."


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 11:30 AM

Boy, give this motley crew a penis or a bathroom function to write about and they go Mudcat Mad!!! Hmmmm....

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: MMario
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 11:33 AM

Amos - it took you sixty challenges to realize this?

man, I thought *I* was naive!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: GUEST,judy@attcanada.net
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 11:35 AM

jim blake,by vernon delhart,some time in the 20,s.help me out with the words and i,ll name my next kid after you.

also,curley loved that highborn lassey sence the day so long ago when he found her in the mountian lost and blinded by the snow. greg


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 11:36 AM

My husband's got Viagra in him
tune: My husband's got no courage in him

As I walked out one May morning
As all the larks were wingin'
I saw two ladies on a fence
And one of them 'er 'ands was wringin'

O! dear O! -- O! dear O!
Me 'usband's got Viagra in 'im!
O! dear O!

For twenty years we bounced in bed
When 'e was young and lissome
Only gettin' up to comb 'is 'ead
Or wash or maybe piss some

O! dear O! -- O! dear O!
Me 'usband's got Viagra in 'im!
O! dear O!

Then another ten years I had reprieve
When Willie-o grew flaccid
And me 'usband took (would you believe!)
All manner of potions and acids

O! dear O! -- O! dear O!
Me 'usband's got Viagra in 'im!
O! dear O!

But nothing could put 'is Johnson right
Which didn't bother me none
Until one dark and fateful night
A little blue pill grew his wee one

O! dear O! -- O! dear O!
Me 'usband's got Viagra in 'im!
O! dear O!

But the little blue pill was a slowsome way
To satisfy me mannie
This week 'e came 'ome with a nasal spray
That quickly grows 'is Stanley

O! dear O! -- O! dear O!
Me 'usband's got Viagra in 'im!
O! dear O!

Six children I have raised and fed
And sent off to seek their fortune
And I told my daughters, "Keep your maiden'ead!"
"Let no man you importune!"

O! dear O! -- O! dear O!
Me 'usband's got Viagra in 'im!
O! dear O!

"But wait!" the other lady said,
"Surely lovin' gives you a good feelin'?"
"Oh yes," the first one nods 'er 'ead,
"It's just I 'ate the bedroom ceilin'!"

O! dear O! -- O! dear O!
Me 'usband's got Viagra in 'im!
O! dear O!

Copyright ©2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 11:42 AM

Guest judy/greg: the best way to get your lyric request seen is to start a new thread. Actually two; one for each song you want. Some people (and presumably some of our best lyric sniffers) never check these humor threads.

Alex


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Áine
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 11:49 AM

Oh mousethief, you bad boy you! I love it -- and it's definitely another Silverplated Spittoon candidate!! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. (and you do remember what that is now, don't you?) for:

"But wait!" the other lady said,
"Surely lovin' gives you a good feelin'?"
"Oh yes," the first one nods 'er 'ead,
"It's just I 'ate the bedroom ceilin'!"

Just brilliant! -- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 12:12 PM

Actually, I don't. That part of my brain has been walled off by the Voices and refuses to relenquish its contents.

Alex


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Trapper
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 02:26 PM

I'm REALLY sorry about this one... but it was crying out to be parodied for this challenge. I'm sure Stan would understand...

- Al

MARY ELLEN CARTER
New words by Al Boyce 7/13/2001


She went down last October in my brand new all-terrain
Wild Turkey we'd been drinkin, and my gal, she felt no pain
I was close to an erection so she dealt one final blow...
And Mary Ellen Carter settled low
She worked for half an hour before consciousness was lost
She'd worked like hell to coax me, all heedless of the cost
And the groan she gave as she went down, it caused me to proclaim
That for Mary Ellen Carter I'd rise again!

Well I wrote Viagara off, for I'd not an hour to spend
"Miss April" served me twenty years, then met her sorry end
An implant seemed too drastic, with a pump hung down below
And they'd laugh at me when I had to "go"...
But I surfed the web all winter, some days around the clock
I'd feel just like a million, with a thick enormous c*ck
Then I read about a nasal spray to put my love tool on the mend,
And for Mary Ellen Carter rise again!

CHO:
Rise again, Rise again
With a Sildenafil sniff from the U of K men
In just five minutes time, 9 inches end-to-end
And for Mary Ellen Carter rise again!

All spring I searched my mailbox for the package that they'd sent
While Mary waited patiently, my unit still was bent
I'd ordered it a month ago, but mail service here is slow
Thank God she still had strength to go "below"...
Then I saw the mail truck coming as I hurried home from town
In my box he placed a package with brown paper all around
And inside was that inhaler to rejuvenate my "friend"...
And for Mary Ellen Carter to rise again!

For I couldn't leave it hang you see to wither and to pale
It'd saved my life so many times, with Debbie, Jill and Gail
And the laughing, drunken brats when I could not pierce their "cave"
They won't be laughing in another day
And you, to whom your girlfriend has dealt her final blow
With your horn-dog friends laughing at you everywhere you go
Insert and sniff Sildenafil, then watch it with a grin
And in Mary Ellen Carter, Rise again!

CHO2:
Rise again, rise again
Though your tool it be broken, sex life about to end
No matter what it cost, Sildenafil's your friend
For in Mary Ellen Carter to rise again!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Áine
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 04:44 PM

Hoo-haw, another fine song from Trapper! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for your c*ckle-of-the-heart warming:

Well I wrote Viagara off, for I'd not an hour to spend
"Miss April" served me twenty years, then met her sorry end
An implant seemed too drastic, with a pump hung down below
And they'd laugh at me when I had to "go"...
But I surfed the web all winter, some days around the clock
I'd feel just like a million, with a thick enormous c*ck
Then I read about a nasal spray to put my love tool on the mend,
And for Mary Ellen Carter rise again!

Question for All Challenge!rs: I posted this message in SC! Part 59; but, apparently no one read it, and this enquiring mind wants to know -- "Here's a message for you Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award winners (and wannabees) -- I'm wondering why no one has gotten my 'bold' joke . . . derrymacash, surely you get it, don't you? ;-)"

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: SharonA
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 05:17 PM

Trapper: I'm jealous; that was superb. mousethief: lissome - piss some?!? *screaming laugh ...again*


ASPIRATION
(Tune: "Fascination")

It was aspiration, I know;
Something must have wended its way up his nose.
Just a gasping sniff, then his briefs were stiff
And I might have gone but for how long his hose was.

It was medication, I know,
Making him so bone-stiff for what would come next.
Couldn't turn him on, but the moment he breathed in,
Aspiration turned to sex!


('Tain't much, but nothing else is "coming" to me.)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 05:47 PM

Aine, darlin:

No -- I don't get it!!!?? And what's worse I can't even spot what I don't get!!!! TYoo subtle fe rme!

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Áine
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 05:51 PM

Dearest Amos,

I'm so embarrassed at my own joke, that I think I'll let derrymacash explain it -- Oh Aidan, Where Art Thou? '-)

-- Áine (giggling behind her hand...)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 14 Jul 01 - 02:00 AM

Your Joke???

I don't get it either. But then again I don't get the award names either Sheila na Gig?


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Áine
Date: 14 Jul 01 - 10:32 PM

Now don't tell me that this Challenge! has you all 'stumped' -- Where are my mighty ones? Did you get lost on your way to the chemist's? '-)

-- Áine (who's working diligently on a 'master-piece' to knock your collective socks off -- albeit rather 'psychedelic' -- after taking a day off to get the Moon on the Hill ready for its first inspection by Mother-in-law and Sister-in-law . . .)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 15 Jul 01 - 12:49 AM

Ah. So I'm not one of your mighty ones. I'm hurt, Aine. Hurt.

With a Little Sniff
Tune: With a Little Luck (P. McCartney)

With a little sniff, I can get it up
I can make this tired old thing make love
With a little sniff, we can go lay down
Can't you see my tool exploding?

There is no end to what we can do together.
There is no end, there is no end.
Just count to ten and then we can do it together
We can do it, we can do it, just me and you

Just a little sniff, I can get it up.
I can bring it in for a landing,
With a little sniff, I can turn it on.
I swear it will be quickly expanding.

With a little push, we could get it off.
I can send it rocketing thighwards.
With a little shove, we could shake it up.
Don't you feel like coming? It's loading!

With a little sniff.
With a little sniff.
With a little sniff, a little sniff, a little sniff.
With a little sniff.
With a little sniff.
With a little sniff, a little sniff, a little sniff.

Copyright © 2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

(What's so scary is how little I actually had to change...)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Áine
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 12:15 AM

refresh...


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Subject: Job Security
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 12:26 AM

I don't find this topic as uplifting as some of the others. But I stiffened my reslove through non-prescription means and am firm in the belief that i have risen to the Challenge.

An Old Gigolo or "If I put this on Medicaid can I still write it off?"

By Giggy Withit

I 'm an old gigolo, and everywhere I go,
People start to think I'm agin'.
Pay for every time, I'm not in my prime,
Miiiinimum Wagin''.

There has come a day, youth has passed away,
How will the women rate me?
When the time comes I know, I get ready slow
When they medicate me.

I'm just a gigolo, all the women know,
No problem with the equipment'.
But when it starts to wane, then they will complain ,
I need another shipment

I have found a way, when youth has passed away,
I can be up in short while.
I put it in my nose, my portfolio grows,
Its raising up my profile.

Cause I got spray viagra, viagra, is for me,
viagra, viagra, is for me,
I can stay so horny , stay so horny, stay so horny
Won't some sweet doctor come and prescribe a gross me?
Come write on your pad.

Sniff, snort Sniffly snort Sniffy bop, zee bop.
I need spray viagra, viagra, is for me
viagra, viagra,

(SOLO)

Mumbaly bibbaly zeebaly boobaly hummaly baybaly zeebaly bop.
Cause I got spray viagra, viagra, is for me,
viagra, viagra,
I need to stay horny, Stay horny, stay horny
Won't some sweet doctor come and prescribe for me?
Come write on your pad.

Viagra is for me


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 08:12 AM

WOW!

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: SharonA
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 08:25 AM

Here's some blues for that poor, blue Viagra tablet:


LITTLE PILL BLUE
(Tune: "Little Girl Blue")

When you were very young,
The man, though hung, would rely
On you to make his member swell

Now all he needs is lung
Capacity to apply
An instant fix whene'er it fell.

Now your technology's old
Gone are the times when you sold

Sit there and count your twin pills
Bottled with you
He won't renew
Sit there and count your little twin pills
Unswallowed little pill blue.

Sit there and count each time he
Said you take too
Much time pre-screw
Aw, now he'll mount her in the time he
Would wait for little pill blue.

"No good", "old hat",
You may work in an hour
Meanwhile she'll pout and glower
He needs some staying power
Now or
Never, so clear out, little pill blue.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 09:32 AM

Sharon, if that weren't so outrageously funny it would sound almost mystical!! It opens all kinds of possibilities, too: "where is the boy who looks after the sheep?" -- oh NO!! -- and any number of other "blue" themes. "Pill Hung Blue, everybody knows one...". Dang you got me started...


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 09:55 AM

Aine ...

It's not to do with where the player would finger said ocarina in order to produce a note?

Otherwise I'm at a loss ...

Sorry my brain's possibly too weary from scrapping in the Shane MacGowan thread.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 10:45 AM

Of couse I have to contribute my consumer comentary. This is from the soon to be written off-Broadway (very off and slightly Broadway) musical. Working title... "Baby-Boomer Faith" or "Who Needs Religion When We Got Science?"

Stage direction: Middle aged man and woman singing to one another in a large Ikea bed.

Donna & Guido get Lucky, by Codgers and Hammerhead

Hon....ey...!, why is your nose so runny?
Have you been sniffing again?
You know you can't afford that cocaine
Its burnin your brain, eatin the membraine of your nose away.
Come on Guido, it destroys you libido, and makes your speedo, floppy and loose.

You're Read...dy......!, you just seem so heady!
What's that stuff in your nose?
When you snort one of those
You take off your clothes, strike up a pose and say
Come on sweety! I got you a treaty! big bold and meaty! just like a moose

Don...na..... you may think its fiction
But I've got a new adiction
Its curing my afliction
Helping with my diction
Don...na.......The source of all our friction
You don't get your kicks - on
You try to keep your knicks - on
The problem has been licked - Don.....na

Hub....by...! I'm happy with your chubby.
I can't wait for bedtime
Just do another fine line
Every lovin time, is the right lovin time to play
I gotta report it, when you snort it, you don't abort it. Now..... I... Don't...... Need....... Bruce...

Anymore
Except when you're out of town.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Áine
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 01:20 PM

Alex, Alex, Alex . . . don't you know by now that I think all my darlin' Challenge!rs are mighty!?!? Silly boy ;-) Here's a Silver B.L.O.B. for you, and I hope your feelings have now been assuaged:

With a little push, we could get it off.
I can send it rocketing thighwards.
With a little shove, we could shake it up.
Don't you feel like coming? It's loading!

(...rocketing thighwards...I love it!)

And here are more Silver B.L.O.B.s for verse virtuosity:

To SharonA for:

It was aspiration, I know;
Something must have wended its way up his nose.
Just a gasping sniff, then his briefs were stiff
And I might have gone but for how long his hose was

To RobDale for:

I have found a way, when youth has passed away,
I can be up in short while.
I put it in my nose, my portfolio grows,
Its raising up my profile.

To SharonA again for:

No good", "old hat",
You may work in an hour
Meanwhile she'll pout and glower
He needs some staying power
Now or
Never, so clear out, little pill blue.

And to RobDale again, and by inference this B.L.O.B. should include his stage directions!:

Hon....ey...!, why is your nose so runny?
Have you been sniffing again?
You know you can't afford that cocaine
Its burnin your brain, eatin the membraine of your nose away.
Come on Guido, it destroys you libido, and makes your speedo, floppy and loose.

Keep it going, Challenge!rs,

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 01:41 PM

Nine Minutes Will Please a Lady
tune: Nine Inch Will Please a Lady

Come rede me dame, come tell me dame,
My dame come tell me truly,
What length o' time tae get it oop
Will sair a woman duly?"
The carlin clew her wanton tail,
Her wanton tail sae ready,
"l learn'd a sang in Annandale,
Nine minutes will please a lady."

But for a koontrie preck like mine,
In sooth requires full sixtae;
Until I fand thaes nysal spree,
That holpen mae pintle prixtae.
Now never mair my lady waits,
Nae mair than nine wee minute,
Then roarin' and groanin' wi' lusty voice
I nidge 'im rarely in it.

Copyright © 2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: MMario
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 02:03 PM

Dear Mr/Mrs/Ms (circle one) MouseThief:

We would like to thank you for your contributions to the health and well-being of our corporate efforts. It has come to our attention that you are the direct cause of 35% of our domestic trade and 72 % of our overseas market. A fruit basket has been ordered.

S. Pewhem
President
S. Pewhem & B. Reakham ~ Keyboard cleaning Specialists


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 02:07 PM

GOD, Thief, you are a bottomless basket of genius!! Way ta go, goode Sirrh!!

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 02:21 PM

Please! Please, gentlemen! You'll turn my pretty head!

Alex


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Barbara
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 02:38 PM

If'n I remember correctly what they look like, Derrymacash, I think that Aine's award has to do with whaar ye blow on not where ye'd finger a Shiela-Na-gig. Mouth to mouth so to speak.
Is that it, Aine?
Blessings,
Barbara


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 04:25 PM

Puff the magic nose-spray
Tune: Puff the Magic Dragon

Puff the magic nose-spray right up your nose
Then open up your BVD's and watch it as it grows!
Little manhood tapers love that nasal puff
It thickens dicks so doggone quick your girl gives you less duff!
Puff the magic nose-spray right up your nose
Then open up your BVD's and watch it as it grows!
Puff the magic nose-spray right up your nose
Then open up your BVD's and watch it as it grows!

Together we would wrangle on a bed with billowed sheets
Until the day my Robert J. refused my vain entreats
Noble thing it was once, but now it's very soft
Gyrating hips would leave it flaccid, till puff! hoists it aloft, O!
Puff the magic nose-spray right up your nose
Then open up your BVD's and watch it as it grows!
Puff the magic nose-spray right up your nose
Then open up your BVD's and watch it as it grows!

Some men are hard forever, but some don't share those joys
My wife no longer wants to play by the time I'm primed and poised
One gray night it happened, and twice more and then a fourth
And then my mighty manhood, it needed something more
Its head was bent in sorrow. It looked like it was sprained.
It's tough to get your wife to play when your weiner is drained
Somehow I had to make my Robert J. behave
And then I found that nasal spray, and slid it in her cave!

O! Puff the magic nose-spray right up your nose
Then open up your BVD's and watch it as it grows!
Puff the magic nose-spray right up your nose
Then open up your BVD's and watch it as it grows!

Copyright © 2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: MMario
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 04:28 PM

d*mn alex! Twice in one day!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 04:42 PM

Surely, Mmario, you will eventually learn not to have anything in your mouth while reading Song Challenge! threads!

Alex


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 05:04 PM

The Wreck of the flaccid John Harold
tune: Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald

The legend lives on in the whole of God's world
Of the blue pill they know as Viagra
Viagra, it's said, helps your dick when it's dead
And the blood rushes in like Niagra
With a load of cheap beer and a dirty old man's leer
I brought my young bride to the bedroom
She took off her socks then she looked at my cock,
Said, "that little thing won't take much headroom!"

Now my insides just died when my lovely young bride
Made fun of my too-flaccid Johnson
As the big weiners go, it is smaller than most
Like the small ones they grow in Wisconsin
But haven't we all learned that the smallest of worms
Can still get the job done in fashion?
But later that night when I turned out the light
My ego, it down came a-crashin'

When the vital time came, she looked at my pecker
And said, "fella, I can't hardly see ya!"
That wasn't the thing to excite my young schwing
Nor was, "fella, I'd sure hate to be ya!"
Does anyone know where the love of God goes
When you wait for your manhood to flower?
And I would still say we'd have made love that day
If she'd waited another half hour

But she huffed on out with a snarl and a pout
And the next day she served divorce papers
And me I was stuck with a dick that can't f*ck
And the bill from the wedding day caterers
In a musty old room in Detroit I prayed
For a way to pump up my libido
Then I heard the good news of the near-instant screws
Provided by a nose-spray so speedo!

Now my new wife sings with a low moaning sound
As we roll in the arms of one another
Just one little snort and my pecker so short
Stands up and salutes my new lover!

Copyright © 2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: GUEST,RobDale
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 05:59 PM

Good ones Mouse!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 06:19 PM

Give 'im a compliment and he turns on a whole Niagara, so to speak!! Wayyyy to Go, 'Thief. You da Man!!

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 06:57 PM

This probably shows something about me, that I have found it so easy to relate to this thread... Sigmund Freud, eat your heart out!

Alex


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Bradypus
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 07:03 PM

So many good songs already - here's a slightly different angle.

The tune is 'Cod Liver Ile', in the DT, but it's essentially a slight variation on Sweet Betsy from Pike,

Medicine Man

Patient 1
O Doctor, O Doctor, the pain in my ear
Since last time I saw you it's got worse, I fear.
The tablets you gave me just don't do the trick
And I think I'm in danger of going deaf quick.

Doctor
Let me look at the problem. Ah yes; now I see.
The cause of your deafness is quite clear to me
I'll remove the remnants, and then you will hear
And then swallow the tablets; they don't go in your ear.

Patient 2
O Doctor, O Doctor, I'm pregnant again.
How it happened I don't know, the why, where or when
The pills that you gave me I took without doubt -
The problem might be that they kept falling out!

Doctor
Yes, pregnant again – may it still bring you joy
In eight months or more, a fine girl or a boy
Let me give you a lesson in sound birth control –
What you do with those pills is you swallow them whole!

Patient 3
O Doctor, O Doctor, I can't please my wife
It's getting the cause of more trouble and strife
The spray that you gave me, I didn't forget
Nor did I get stiff – I just got a bit wet

Doctor
They say that Viagra's a wonderful cure
If you use it correctly it'll help you, I'm sure
That spray doesn't spray on where you think it goes –
What to do with the spray? Stick it right up your nose!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 07:08 PM

Snort
Tune: Shout (Tears for Fears)

Chorus (sing 2x):
Snort! Snort! My pecker's too short!
Now get it up so we can disport!
Come on! I'm talking to you! Come on!

In former times, I used to have to wait an hour
My wife would get so mad, she'd have to take a lukewarm shower!
She'd have to take a lukewarm shower!

(repeat chorus)

Then I found out, it's faster with the nasal version!
It grows before your eyes, and soon it's ready for insertion!
And soon it's ready for insertion!

(Repeat chorus; instrumental bridge; repeat chorus ad nauseam and fade)

Copyright © 2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 07:11 PM

Very nice, Bradypus! I like the whole conceit. Very clever.

alex


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Bradypus
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 07:16 PM

Alex - I was going to do a verse abour suppositories, but I thought enough was enough.

There's a drink waiting for you in the tavern.

Bradypus


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 07:19 PM

Yes, I think the verses you have are probably sufficient! LOL!

(Actually suppositories really do go where they ought to!)

Alex


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Áine
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 09:59 PM

Well, mousethief, you've finally done it -- you and SharonA have taken all the flippin' Silver B.L.O.B.s that TGG had in her closet. So, all my darlin' Challenge!rs will have to wait for the ship to come in for your well-earned mantle decorations . . .

So, while we wait at the dock, the summer sun warming our backs and our feet dangling in the cold water, let us enjoy a song by Herself, one that She considers to be a master-piece -- and even though Dear Hubby swears that She has been dipping into his leftover codeine pills, the only lubrication applied in the creation of Her ditty was supplied by the Iffy Liffey . . .

One Squirt Over the Line
(Tune: One Toke Over the Line – Brewer and Shipley)

Refrain:
One squirt over the line, Sweet Jesus, one squirt over the line,
Sittin' downtown in a poh-leez station, one squirt over the line.
Waitin' for my wife to take my home, sweet Mary,
Hopin' that she'll pay my fine,
Sittin' downtown in a poh-leez station,
One squirt over the line.


I took a walk, to the store in town,
For the past few days, I'd been a little down.
Feelin' like a wanker, ready to check out,
Then I saw the sign –
With just a squirt, a sniff and a smile,
It promised I'd feel fine, and now I'm

One squirt over the line, Sweet Jesus, one squirt over the line,
Sildenafil in hand, I rushed up to the counter, one squirt over the line.
The Chemist, he was rushin', to get out of there early,
Duck huntin' on his mind,
I heard him mumble 'one per hour',
Now I'm one squirt over line.


I ran home to Mary, with my little prize,
One squirt and BINGO, it grew before my eyes.
Well, feeling a mite sweaty, I opened up the window,
Above our marriage bed,
Then I went and pumped one squirt too many,
It went right to my head, and now I'm

One squirt over the line, Sweet Jesus, one squirt over the line,
Came a gust of wind and blew me ten miles high, one squirt over line.
Right into a flock of Trumpeter Swans
That was migrating by,
With my face turning blue, and my white arms flappin',
I was one squirt over the line.


I sailed away, more than a country mile,
Then one of them swans, attracted by my 'smile',
Flapped a little closer, reached out with a feather,
And to my surprise,
It touched a place you could never imagine,
And I began to rise, and now I'm

One squirt over the line, Sweet Jesus, one squirt over the line,
Bein' molested by a feathered white pen, one squirt over the line.
Flyin' cross the lake in duck hunting season,
Hopin' that I don't see a blind,
Wishin' that I hadn't a squeezed so hard,
'Cuz now I'm one squirt over the line.


I knew I had trouble, when he came into view,
The Chemist in his orange hat, his gun a shinin' with dew,
Flappin' and a squawkin', I advised him of my presence,
Then I remembered too late,
As well as deaf, he was very nearsighted,
So I resigned to fate that I was

One squirt over the line, Sweet Jesus, one squirt over the line,
Saw the muzzle flash, and then I was fallin', one squirt over the line.
Thought as I saw my death quickly approachin',
I'd had the ride of all time,
Though I felt I'd cheated on my sweet Mary,
With one squirt over the line.


Then, as I tumbled, thinkin' that I was dead,
The beak of my pen pal, it grabbed my shrinking head,
Well, we fell onto the Chemist, his muzzle up my hinder,
The swan still hangin' tight,
That's how they found us, covered in hoarfrost,
A 'dada' sculpture in white, and I was

One squirt over the line, Sweet Jesus, one squirt over the line,
Waitin' downtown in a poh-leez station, one squirt over the line.
Yeah, I'm walkin' strange, but I'm alive, Sweet Mary,
And I learned my lesson this time,
Squeezin' too hard for instant gratification,
Sends you one squirt over the line.



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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: MMario
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 10:56 PM

BRAVA!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 11:52 PM

My God!! The Gaelic Goddess has entered an Impressionist Period!!! Ain't no Viagra gonna resolve this -- it energy from a different plane altogether!!

Wildy and wonderfully done, Oh Lime One. Reminds me of a Dali composition....

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Hawker
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 02:50 AM

With sincerest apologies!

JOHNNY! I HARDLY KNEW YA!

For 70 years I've laid with you harroo, harroo.
For 70 years I've laid with you harroo, harroo.
For 70 years I've laid with you
- and that's been all for a year or two Johnny! I hardly knew ya!

CHORUS
Now he comes and comes and comes and comes Hurrah! Hurrah!
Now he comes and comes and comes and comes Hurrah! Hurrah!
Now he comes and comes and comes and comes
Of bold rigidity, he's got tons
Oh! Darling dear! Come over here!
Johnny! I hardly knew ya!

When to the doctors you did go harroo harroo
When to the doctors you did go harroo harroo
When to the doctors you did go
To tell of your flagging libido
The purple pill he gave worked slow.....
Then Johnny! I hardly knew ya!

CHORUS

To speed things up you saw the doc harroo harroo
To speed things up you saw the doc harroo harroo
To speed things up you saw the doc
And a nasal spray now stiffens you cock
At Ninety four it's quite a shock -
Johnny! I hardly knew ya!

CHORUS

You've got a glass eye and a wooden leg harroo harroo
You've got a glass eye and a wooden leg harroo harroo
You've got a glass eye and a wooden leg
And a hard on instead if a teeny peg
For this Sildenafil I would go out to beg
/Cos Johnny! I hardly knew ya!

CHORUS


Wonderful contributions so far, hope you enjoy mine! What a subject! But somehow the words seemed to just flow! You night be right about Freud Mousetheif!
Cheers!
Lucy


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 06:15 AM

Applause!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: MMario
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 09:48 AM

well done Lucy!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Hawker
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 01:20 PM

Couldn't resist adding this final verse!

No more your king sized todger's found, harroo harroo
No more your king sized todger's found, harroo harroo
No more your king sized todger's found,
For now it's six foot underground.....
But the undertaker it did astound!
'Cos Johnny! viagra slew ya!

BUYER BEWARE! especially if you are 94! LOL

Cheers I'm off to a Cornish Evening in Harveys in Launceston, join us if you are in the area!
Lucy


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 02:35 AM

Sniff Sniff


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 11:04 PM

Snort Snort

Very refreshing!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 01:22 PM

So where's the cow chips, Aine? Time to move on to another challenge! if you've run out of BLOBs for this one.

Alex


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 02:14 PM

Hard Hard Times (Nfld. Trad. music)

Come all ye good people I'll sing you a song
Of husbands and wives and how they get along
To keep them from wanering that is our main goal
So we make 'em happy before they get cold
so it's hard hard times

A we start to age as we get on in years rely more on foreplay and niblin ears Just an old sea dog no longer a pup It takes a bit longer but we still get it up and its hard hard times

The doctor the doctor is tryin to please To lift up the mainmast with uncommon ease he writes a prescription for little blue pills We have a coniption when we see the bill and its hard hard times

But it takes cloes to and hour and something ain't right We're missing the hockey on Saturday night On Saturday night but try as we might We gotta stay with the missus or they'll be a fight and its hard hard times

Go back to the doctor, "what else have you got?" This stuff is real potent but rapid its not" Take home some of this stuff sniff it right up your nose You'll be ready for action before you can get off your clothes and its hard hard times

Now things are happy things are as they should The wife says she's happy, she's knocking on wood She's knockin on wood, and we are like kids We're doin' our business between periods And she likes hard times.

The original words of this is on the DT but the music doesn't sound right.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 02:15 PM

Hard Hard Times (Nfld. Trad. music)

Come all ye good people I'll sing you a song
Of husbands and wives and how they get along
To keep them from wanering that is our main goal
So we make 'em happy before they get cold
so it's hard hard times

A we start to age as we get on in years
rely more on foreplay and niblin ears
Just an old sea dog no longer a pup
It takes a bit longer but we still get it up
and its hard hard times

The doctor the doctor is tryin to please
To lift up the mainmast with uncommon ease
he writes a prescription for little blue pills
We have a coniption when we see the bill
and its hard hard times

But it takes cloes to and hour and something ain't right
We're missing the hockey on Saturday night
On Saturday night but try as we might
We gotta stay with the missus or they'll be a fight
and its hard hard times

Go back to the doctor, "what else have you got?"
This stuff is real potent but rapid its not"
Take home some of this stuff sniff it right up your nose
You'll be ready for action before you can get off your clothes
and its hard hard times

Now things are happy things are as they should
The wife says she's happy, she's knocking on wood
She's knockin on wood, and we are like kids
We're doin' our business between periods
And she likes hard times.

The original words of this is on the DT but the music doesn't sound right.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Hawker
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 04:01 PM

Welldone Rob! Keep taking the medicine!
Mousetheif! Running out of blobs made me laugh out loud! -when we had our old dog castrated, he was lying on his back by the fire and my then very young daughter very matter of factly said......" Look Nanny, Boddington's had his blobs cut off!"
Thanks for the memory of this much missed friend
Cheers
Lucy


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 04:04 PM

LOL! Great story, Hawker!

Alex


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Áine
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 07:39 PM

Well, the B.L.O.B.s have been delivered; but, I'm gonna have a heck of a time shining them up for all these fantastic lines of bull that you all are sending down the pike lately!! ;-) So, here are the 'real deal' GGCs and miscellanea to keep you happy for a day or two:

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster (The Shamrock Cluster is awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song):
Aspiration by SharonA
Donna & Guido Get Lucky by Codgers and Hammerhead (aka RobDale)
Johnny! I Hardly Knew Ya! by Hawker
The Stuff That Once Filled Edward's Balls by Philibuster
With a Little Sniff by mousethief

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon (The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears):
An Old Gigolo by RobDale
The Ballad of Jed's Limp Pet by mousethief
Hard Hard Times by RobDale
Inhalation Once Again by derrymacash
Medicine Man by Bradypus
When You Sniff by Mmario

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Guinness Crest (The Guinness Crest is awarded for causing both Harp Ribbon conditions within one song):
The Mystery Decongestant by Scabby Doug
The Wreck of the Flaccid John Harold by mousethief

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield (Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield is given to the best blues rendition of any challenge topic):
Little Pill Blue by SharonA

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon (The GCCWMMSPS is awarded to the Challenge! entry which evokes an instantaneous bubbling up of frothy mirth from out of the lips of the Keeper of the Book and onto her monitor screen):
The Aisle Where Sildenafil Stands> by Amos
New Viagra by Micca
Nine Minutes Will Please a Lady by mousethief
My Husband's Got Viagra in Him by mousethief
Puff the Magic Nose-spray by mousethief

Winners of the Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award (The Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award is given to the Challenge!rs who warm the cockles and create a special warm and fuzzy feeling in the heart of the Keeper of the Book in a song):
Mary Ellen Carter by Trapper


Well done, everyone!! -- Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 07:51 PM

Thanks to you all. I'm still smiling!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: MMario
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 08:28 PM

you fergot someone there GG! No faire not awarding yourself something - even if it be a selfcongratularoty cowpat on the back.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: Áine
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 09:23 PM

Ah shucks, MMario ;-) Consider me wearing a big brown hand print proudly on my back -- But really, the only 'award' I want from this is the smiles of you wunnerful 'Catters (like Jack the Sailor up there) and to know you all are keeping on with the playing, singing and writing of your wonderful music! (and maybe a 'good on ya' once and awhile, of course -- hahaha).

Are your pencils raised with anticipation, Challenge!rs? 'Cuz the next Challenge! is coming up here real fast -- and I hope you all saved your tin foil from your summer picnics . . . you're gonna need it . . . '-)

Hugs and snogs, Áine


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: mousethief
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 01:16 PM

I think fishnets would look really

GOOD ON YA, AINE!

Alex


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: GUEST,SharonA at the library
Date: 21 Jul 01 - 01:55 PM

Thank you kindly, Aine. As the young folk say, you rock! (...How come they never say "You folk" or "You blues" or...)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 60
From: MMario
Date: 23 Jul 01 - 09:21 AM

well - they do occassionaly say "you folk" but it isn't a compliment!


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