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NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!

GUEST,khandu 13 Jul 01 - 12:22 PM
mousethief 13 Jul 01 - 12:29 PM
GUEST,Karen 13 Jul 01 - 12:33 PM
mousethief 13 Jul 01 - 01:00 PM
marty D 13 Jul 01 - 01:19 PM
mousethief 13 Jul 01 - 01:23 PM
GUEST,khandu 13 Jul 01 - 01:25 PM
chip a 13 Jul 01 - 01:30 PM
marty D 13 Jul 01 - 01:32 PM
Grab 13 Jul 01 - 01:32 PM
mousethief 13 Jul 01 - 01:34 PM
GUEST,Celtic Soul 13 Jul 01 - 01:39 PM
chip a 13 Jul 01 - 01:47 PM
GUEST,khandu 13 Jul 01 - 01:51 PM
Amos 13 Jul 01 - 02:05 PM
DancingMom 13 Jul 01 - 02:30 PM
kendall 13 Jul 01 - 02:35 PM
chip a 13 Jul 01 - 02:35 PM
Wesley S 13 Jul 01 - 02:39 PM
GUEST,Karen 13 Jul 01 - 02:40 PM
Ebbie 13 Jul 01 - 02:57 PM
Pseudolus 13 Jul 01 - 03:24 PM
Don Firth 13 Jul 01 - 03:49 PM
chip a 13 Jul 01 - 03:50 PM
Grab 13 Jul 01 - 03:55 PM
radriano 13 Jul 01 - 04:17 PM
GUEST 13 Jul 01 - 04:35 PM
GUEST 13 Jul 01 - 04:41 PM
GUEST 13 Jul 01 - 04:44 PM
GUEST 13 Jul 01 - 04:44 PM
katlaughing 13 Jul 01 - 05:26 PM
Uncle_DaveO 13 Jul 01 - 05:51 PM
Don Firth 13 Jul 01 - 06:42 PM
kendall 13 Jul 01 - 08:08 PM
gnu 13 Jul 01 - 08:23 PM
Sorcha 13 Jul 01 - 09:12 PM
Amergin 13 Jul 01 - 10:13 PM
JohnB 13 Jul 01 - 10:33 PM
Gypsy 13 Jul 01 - 11:40 PM
Amos 13 Jul 01 - 11:46 PM
Sorcha 14 Jul 01 - 12:16 AM
DougR 14 Jul 01 - 12:23 AM
GUEST,khandu 14 Jul 01 - 12:34 AM
Barry Finn 14 Jul 01 - 12:59 AM
Angie 14 Jul 01 - 04:44 AM
Mooh 14 Jul 01 - 08:46 AM
TNWILLIAMS 14 Jul 01 - 09:31 AM
katlaughing 14 Jul 01 - 10:11 AM
Art Thieme 14 Jul 01 - 12:08 PM
Amos 14 Jul 01 - 01:10 PM
Mrs.Duck 14 Jul 01 - 01:28 PM
Angie 14 Jul 01 - 01:41 PM
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Subject: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: GUEST,khandu
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 12:22 PM

I weighed-in this morning at 164lbs (Very thin for my 6'4" frame.).

After being turned on by my lucky wife, walking by the scales, I stepped on them and weighed 166.5 lbs.

A gain in a matter of minutes of 2.5 lbs! And the only variable was my erection!

WOW!!! 2.5 lbs!

khandu


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: mousethief
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 12:29 PM

Um, yeah, it -- uh -- absorbed air from the surrounding atmosphere! Yeah, that's it!

Time to get a new scale, friend.

Alex


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: GUEST,Karen
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 12:33 PM

I was wondering why he the first thing he did "in that state" was to jump on the scale again. Is that a normal reaction? My husband doesn't do that....


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: mousethief
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 01:00 PM

I wonder how highly he thinks of himself that he considers his wife "lucky" when he gets an erection.

Alex


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: marty D
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 01:19 PM

Why do I love this site so much? After a two week business trip I come home, sneak past #1 daughter for a crack at the computer, hope against hope that she hasn't been on-line for the last 300 hours, thus bankrupting me, and decide to check up on Mudcat.

Confronted by a whole lot of excellent music threads, find that the battling Englishmen are still heated up about this Dave bullmer guy, that some swine thinks it's funny to physically insult women, that Irish Politics are still argued in the tedious 'I'm right you're wrong' way, and that the battling evangelicals are flexing once again, in short, business as usual.

This thread is the capper though. Someone WEIGHING his erection! It's really hard to know whether it's a complete put on, or actually based in some kind of weird reality. Whatever, it's hilarious. Gotta love the Mudcat.

marty


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: mousethief
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 01:23 PM

It's not a complete put-on, Marty, it's a complete hard-on. Sheesh. Even *I* knew that! :-)

Alex


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: GUEST,khandu
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 01:25 PM

MARTY D. "based in some kind of weird reality"...I know of no other kind! I am always happy to be a valuable contributor to the 'Cat!!

khandu


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: chip a
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 01:30 PM

Khandu,

Don't be ashamed of the small size and weight. There have been many beautiful moments in music when the instrument was substandard but the musician was stupendous. Learn to play well, remember to work hard to please your audience and keep your heart in and your pride out.

Aspiring to be a better musician,

Chip A.


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: marty D
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 01:32 PM

Thanks guys..I HOPE you're guys!.. I'm currently weighing my options.

marty


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: Grab
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 01:32 PM

All I can say is I'm glad it's non-music. If he was playing tunes with his widget, I'd be worried! Xylophone, maybe? ;-)

Graham.


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: mousethief
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 01:34 PM

mountain dulcimer?


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: GUEST,Celtic Soul
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 01:39 PM

:::SNORT!!:::

The response to this has had me near tears laughing! I love the dry wit around here.


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: chip a
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 01:47 PM

Grab,

Non music???? Oh heavens, I've embarassed myself again.

Slithering under the rug,

Chip A.


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: GUEST,khandu
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 01:51 PM

actually I play a Gong with my dong!

khandu


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 02:05 PM

Well, hold on, chip!! According to the law of inverse square and the attraction of mass, the only thing that explains Khandu's experience is that enough blood shifted in response to the alarums of his romantic "early erection warning system" (known to teenage girls as "EEEWS!s") in order to increase his total mass*acceleration toward the center of the earth by the amount indicated as 2.5 pounds.

If you do the math I think you will find that an increase of that much gravitational force, by moving a mass closer to the planet moving only by a distance of a maximum of 3.1 feet (1 meter, more or less, depending on whether the blood was relocating from his brain or his buttocks)--why the mass being relocated must be on the order of 6,000 kilograms, unless I have misplaced a decimal point. Given that blood has approximately the same density as water, you can immediately see that the volume involved to have a rest mass of 6,000 Kg is (depending on the circumference of the container) a lot bigger than your weewee!

A


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: DancingMom
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 02:30 PM

Good grief, I hope you found something more entertaining to do than to "salute" the scale!


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: kendall
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 02:35 PM

No amount of belief can create a fact


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: chip a
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 02:35 PM

Then it's really, really not a music thread? I am just so mortified.

: (


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: Wesley S
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 02:39 PM

Khandu - So does this qualify you for "mensa" ?


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: GUEST,Karen
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 02:40 PM

Well...he did mention the word "scale". You could turn that into something music-related....


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: Ebbie
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 02:57 PM

LOL

Ebbie


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: Pseudolus
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 03:24 PM

Ya know, 2 and 1/2 pounds sounds impressive until you realize, he COULD still read the scale.... :)

Frank


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: Don Firth
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 03:49 PM

Let's get something straight, here.

There may be hidden dangers.

Many years ago, I heard the (probably) apocryphal story of a Frenchman known as "Big Pierre." Big Pierre is said to have been a dwarf, barely three feet tall. When he was out socially, he was always surrounded by bevies of beautiful women. Privately, though, it was said that his Magic Wand was monumental. Reports vary, but the smallest dimension the story seems to allow is that his member was some nine inches in length, although other reports indicate that it was much larger. In addition, his appetites, his technique, and his endurance were Olympian. Of course, it is said that this -- in addition to his generally pleasant, urbane, and sophisticated personality, not to mention the possession of a certain amount of wealth -- was the reason he was so popular with the ladies.

All very amusing.

However, a medical student of my acquaintance did the numbers. He calculated the capacity of the cardiovascular system of a man of Big Pierre's stature. Then he calculated the amount of blood necessary to produce a functional woody in a baton of such dimensions. He concluded that even if Big Pierre really did exist and even if he really did have an appendage of that magnitude, actually making practical use of this piece of artillery would have been impossible. Any time Big Pierre got an erection, it would draw so much blood from his brain that he would faint.

Beware!

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: chip a
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 03:50 PM

Then there was this guy with a huge upright bass. Wouldn't fit through the pub door and he never got to play at all. This is a sort of base subject isn't it?

Chip A.


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: Grab
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 03:55 PM

2 1/2 pounds and what do you get?
A little bit longer and heavier yet
Saint Peter don't call me cause by my life
I owe 2 1/2 pounds to my lovely wife!

Sorry, that first line just came to mind, and after that the rest was inevitable...

Graham.


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: radriano
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 04:17 PM

Threw me for a loop, man. I thought the thread was going to be about voting in China.


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: GUEST
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 04:35 PM

Your last stand?


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: GUEST
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 04:41 PM

You forgot to take off that cast iron condom?


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: GUEST
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 04:44 PM

At least you impressed those scales.


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: GUEST
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 04:44 PM

Is that one pound per inch?


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: katlaughing
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 05:26 PM

khandu, just wondering if you've lost your cookie (no pun intended)

guess you could say you've given more than your pound of flesh:-)


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 05:51 PM

Here comes ole humorless DaveO with a party-pooper comment, taking a good joke at face value.

When I'm (periodically) on a diet, I'll get up in the morning, "blow the tanks", so to speak, so that I get the tare weight, and jump au naturel" on the scale. Get off, then get back on again. Get off, then back on again.

Why?

There will inevitably be a variation in those three readings, of maybe as much as a pound and a half, and whatever the LOWEST reading is of those three tries is, is what I'll put on the loss chart.

"Why do you do that?" says my beautiful Wife. "That's cheating!"

But whatever the lowest reading is, that's a statement that I weigh AT LEAST that much, and that's the figure I try to drive down. I take the higher readings to reflect internal friction in the scale or some such thing, which has to do with the scale, not me.

I suppose you could just as logically always take the high figure of the three. Just as long as you're consistent.

DAve Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: Don Firth
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 06:42 PM

So it's all a matter of internal friction. . . .


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: kendall
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 08:08 PM

I read somewhere that ALL men have a brain AND a penis, the problem is, there is not enough blood to operate BOTH at the same time.


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: gnu
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 08:23 PM

Soooo.... if you are aware that you have a hard-on, does that mean you've got a small dick ?


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: Sorcha
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 09:12 PM

Judas priest. Who really gives a damn? Would you like to know every time I have a yeast infection? I didn't think so........cut it out.

I have tried to stop posting to this crap, but there has been too much lately and this one tripped my trigger.


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: Amergin
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 10:13 PM

Hey, Scorch, I'd love to know....


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: JohnB
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 10:33 PM

I'm sorry to say this but such a weight gain under the stated conditions is a total phallusy. JohnB


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: Gypsy
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 11:40 PM

nah, i think that 2 1/2 lbs is MUCH more fun than a yeast infection!


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 01 - 11:46 PM

Sorch:

The analogy is phallacious. The correct parallelism would be wanting to know every time you got all sorta melty and dizzy feeling, I think....

A


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: Sorcha
Date: 14 Jul 01 - 12:16 AM

I didn't mean for the analogy to be appropriate--I meant, DO YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT??

My c*** itches and burns, it hurts to pee, I have to put this glop up my vag***; etc. Do you really want to know ALL about it?

I didn't think so, and I certainly don't need to post the details. I don't really want to hear about anybody elses details either.

Last I knew, this was neither a Health nor Porn site, so spare me, OK??


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: DougR
Date: 14 Jul 01 - 12:23 AM

Sorch, I think your instincts are correct. To event imagine that an erection would increase one's body weight, well, it's a bit far out I think.

DougR


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: GUEST,khandu
Date: 14 Jul 01 - 12:34 AM

To see the point of this thread, read my last post on the "prayer thread" that is on the board tonight.

khandu


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: Barry Finn
Date: 14 Jul 01 - 12:59 AM

Just to keep this on track & make it this into a music thread, the following is a (what else?) pumping shanty.

Priests & Nuns:

A priest in Austria thought one day

1st Ch: Ho, Ho, Ho

He'd go to France without delay

2nd Ch: Haul a raul a rye, haul a raul a ray

He'd go to France without delay

3rd Ch: Haul a raul a ray, Ho, Ho

So when the father came to France
Ho, Ho, Ho
T'was seven sick nuns he found by chance
Haul a raul a rye, haul a raul a ray
T'was seven sick nuns he found by chance
Haul a raul a ray, Ho, Ho

He saw these nuns in the convent yard
All laying down on benches hard (2X)

He gave these nuns his calling card
And asked "may I come in your yard"

To one he asked what he might do
"For I'm both priest & doctor too"

A sick nun then made quick reply
Said "father treat me e'r I die"

He took in hand his medicine stick
And he touched that nun so very quick

The others ran that they might see
And asked the priest what could it be

A medicine stick in my hand I hold
To cure all sick nuns in my fold

Another nun that lay close by
Cried "father none so sick as I"

He treated all the nuns alike
And said he'd call another night

Their money gone they looked in vain
For the priest that carried the medicine cane

Barry


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: Angie
Date: 14 Jul 01 - 04:44 AM

'Phallacy', oh that's good. Thanks JohnB for that. Although the first post here may be to some stupid or offensive. The 'spin off' is such fun.

I love it here.

Mal


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: Mooh
Date: 14 Jul 01 - 08:46 AM

Methinks this conversation has come to a head!

(giggles) Mooh.


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: TNWILLIAMS
Date: 14 Jul 01 - 09:31 AM

Ah Hah


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: katlaughing
Date: 14 Jul 01 - 10:11 AM

Great song, Barry!


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: Art Thieme
Date: 14 Jul 01 - 12:08 PM

I know there are erection injections that work passably well for 4 or 5 hours of sustained use (if you have the stamina), but injecting with molten lead is a bit much I think.

My question: How do you get the lead out ??

Art


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 01 - 01:10 PM

Khandu:

It was a pretty ballsy thing to do starting this thread. At least we should acknowledge you for the straight talk! We can appreciate its not pornographically inclined -- there's really a vas deferens. Thanks for the heads up.

A


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: Mrs.Duck
Date: 14 Jul 01 - 01:28 PM

Right thats it no more sex for me not if Geoff is giving 2.5 pounds away each time I'll be 2 stone heavier by the end of the week :0)


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Subject: RE: NON-MUSIC; ERECTION!
From: Angie
Date: 14 Jul 01 - 01:41 PM

What a dull world it 'wood' be without the joys of double entendre.

Nod to Amos. Still giggling over that one. Marvellous!


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