BS: Shootin' The Bird!

Subject: Shootin' The Bird!
From: bobbi
Date: 05 Aug 01 - 03:27 AM

(BS thread.. No offense intended.. just fun)

Sometimes it DOES take a Rocket Scientist:

Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields. British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains.

Arrangements were made. But when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.

Horrified Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the US scientists for suggestions.

NASA's response was just one sentence, "Thaw the chicken."

LMAO b

Subject: RE: BS: Shootin' The Bird!
From: catspaw49
Date: 05 Aug 01 - 03:47 AM

Heard that bobbi!

Reminds me of something else too. Bob Evans, the restaurant and sausage guy, used to have a festival down at the family farm just south of me in Rio Grande, Ohio. One of the big events was a "Chicken Flying Contest." As I'm sure you know, chickens aren't exactly world class flyers. You took your chicken and loaded it into a mailbox and then coaxed it out by yelling, flapping,tapping on the box.......just so you didn't touch the chicken. Sorrowfully, popular as it was, they discontinued this event.

Some bigass redneck selected his chicken and loaded it into the mailbox. He then produced a baseball bat and with a mighty swing, sent his bird on pretty good "flight." Some of the crowd was in shock, others horrified, and a few had dissolved into fits of uncontrollable laughter. It was the end of an era...............

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Shootin' The Bird!
From: bobbi
Date: 05 Aug 01 - 04:36 AM

There's always someone around to spoil the fun, 'Spaw! You have to admit though.. the chicken has brought more personal pleasure to mankind than any other creature on earth! I think it's versatility! (wink) b

Subject: RE: BS: Shootin' The Bird!
From: The Walrus
Date: 05 Aug 01 - 05:51 AM

On the subject of the "chicken gun", I am told that there is some footage (from BR Crewe I believe) in existance which has a slight "accidental modification" to the test. Everything was set up for an early afternoon start and the chicken was loaded up before just before the techs went for lunch. When the gun was charged and fired there was some consternation as the test piece was found covered in blood and fur, it appears that a feral cat had climbed into the barrel, attracted by the smell, and was fired out (I'm surprised nobody checked). The test was filmed by a high speed camera (usual practice) and the cat can be seen as a black blob preceding the "official" projectile. It all sounds *very* messy.

Walrus

Subject: RE: BS: Shootin' The Bird!
From: bobbi
Date: 05 Aug 01 - 07:05 PM

YUCK!!!!!!!! A furry chicken? Poor pus.

Subject: RE: BS: Shootin' The Bird!
From: gnu
Date: 05 Aug 01 - 07:31 PM

Not to be confused with the Chicken Canon of the Royal Canadian Air Farce, a weekely CBC TV comedy show... each week, the 125mm compressed air gun is loaded with slime of all types and a poster of a politician or celebrity is duly shot. If we had one here at the 'Cat, I'd vote for Gargoyle... twice... and not just his picture. (See the name change thread by katlaughing).

Subject: RE: BS: Shootin' The Bird!
From: bobbi
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 06:50 PM

I nominate Gargoyle to go out of the cannon at MC!

What say ye one and all? Shall we propel the Garg?

Subject: RE: BS: Shootin' The Bird!
From: DougR
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 07:02 PM

I'm shocked that so many Mudcatters view the hurling of chickens through plane and train windshields as a source of humor. Chicken feathers are not envioronmentally friendly. I like them fried, smoked, baked or boiled myself.

DougR

Subject: RE: BS: Shootin' The Bird!
From: bobbi
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 08:40 PM

That's why we have decided to shoot Gargoyle out instead! b

Subject: RE: BS: Shootin' The Bird!
From: catspaw49
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 08:54 PM

Actually in Garg case, I'd prefer to stuff his pissant self in a mailbox and propel his mangy ass on a record flight. We could all take turns and the longest flight gets awarded an ear........no, make that his scrotum instead. Over 20 feet and you get what's left of his balls too.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Shootin' The Bird!
From: JennieG
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 09:18 PM

What's the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic is when you use a feather.....and kinky is when you use the whole chicken.....
Cheers
JennieG

Subject: RE: BS: Shootin' The Bird!
From: bobbi
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 09:55 PM

Spaw~ I don't think Garg has a scrotum... well, maybe an empty one.. but certainly no balls!

Subject: RE: BS: Shootin' The Bird!
From: catspaw49
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 10:04 PM

Oh no bobbi....I'm told he does in fact!!! One's the size of a pea and the other is real tiny.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Shootin' The Bird!
From: Bert
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 11:03 PM

Doug R. Do you REALLY eat chicken feathers?

Subject: RE: BS: Shootin' The Bird!
From: Sorcha
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 11:29 PM

Battered and deep fried, no doubt. You can deep fry anything and some people will eat it. Just ask spaw.......

Subject: RE: BS: Shootin' The Bird!
From: rangeroger
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 02:11 AM

In the state of California, water and chicken feathers are the only items that are allowed to fall from a vehicle.

I don't know if that includes chickens still attached to their feathers.

rr

Subject: RE: BS: Shootin' The Bird!
From: Kim C
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 02:12 PM

There was a neat program on PBS last month called The Natural History of the Chicken. It was very entertaining. There was a story about a woman who tracked a lost hen in the snow, only to find her feets-up under a porch. She took the frozen hen home and propped her up on the table while she went to find a box in which to bury her. Not long after, returning with the box, she realized the hen was still alive, albeit barely. She gave the bird mouth-to-mouth (or is that mouth-to-beak?) and the hen survived.

Subject: RE: BS: Shootin' The Bird!
From: Kim C
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 02:26 PM

And here's the true story of Mike the Headless Chicken:

Mike the Headless Chicken

Subject: RE: BS: Shootin' The Bird!
From: Gareth
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 02:58 PM

Walrus - You may laugh at that real life "Tweety and Sylvesta" episode.

Proffesionally, this morning I approved and signed off the repair bill for a Ford Transit Van - £2200 (= us$3500). It had hit a Labrador.

The dog survived with just bruises.

And the less said about the local "fiend" who took a dead hedgehog, stuffed it with a brick, and placed it in the road where the yobbos were in the habit of playing with thier cars. Mucho damage to alloy wheels - When I heard about it I laughed so hard that tears ran down me trouser legs. - The Hedgehogs revenge !!!

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: Shootin' The Bird!
From: bobbi
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 06:02 PM

In Northern California we hide the bricks in O'possums! Got to get 'em fresh killed though.. nuttin' worse than an O'possum with slicky hide!

Subject: RE: BS: Shootin' The Bird!
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 06:12 PM

Whoa, Bobbi — Spaw and Cleigh could get REAL upset about that!

Subject: RE: BS: Shootin' The Bird!
From: ddw
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 06:19 PM

Sorry, that last one was me — forgot to reset the cookie....

david

Subject: RE: BS: Shootin' The Bird!
From: bobbi
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 08:40 PM

No need to get upset... We quit usin' live Possum about three year ago. Found out the brick was easier to implant in a dead un. And we never kill a possum fer this feat... always pleanty on the road what got itself kilt already.. we jest immortalize 'em.