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Really Really Important Poem

Bernard 13 Aug 01 - 04:09 PM
lady penelope 13 Aug 01 - 03:56 PM
GUEST 13 Aug 01 - 11:33 AM
Steve Parkes 13 Aug 01 - 03:25 AM
Bill D 12 Aug 01 - 08:52 PM
GUEST,genie 12 Aug 01 - 01:59 AM
Crazy Eddie 12 Aug 01 - 01:18 AM
Firecat 11 Aug 01 - 04:52 PM
Noreen 11 Aug 01 - 03:00 PM
2feathers 11 Aug 01 - 11:45 AM
lady penelope 11 Aug 01 - 06:13 AM
Crazy Eddie 11 Aug 01 - 02:08 AM
Firecat 10 Aug 01 - 07:30 AM
RangerSteve 09 Aug 01 - 08:42 PM
Bat Goddess 09 Aug 01 - 04:50 PM
paddymac 09 Aug 01 - 09:34 AM
GUEST,frances 08 Aug 01 - 03:58 PM
jeffp 08 Aug 01 - 01:53 PM
The Walrus at work 08 Aug 01 - 01:41 PM
Kim C 08 Aug 01 - 01:37 PM
Trapper 08 Aug 01 - 01:22 PM
Steve Parkes 08 Aug 01 - 12:28 PM
Lyrical Lady 07 Aug 01 - 11:42 PM
GUEST,John Gray / Australia 07 Aug 01 - 11:26 PM
Uncle_DaveO 07 Aug 01 - 11:13 PM
GUEST 07 Aug 01 - 10:17 PM
Peter K (Fionn) 07 Aug 01 - 05:02 PM
Bernard 07 Aug 01 - 04:46 PM
Noreen 07 Aug 01 - 04:40 PM
Noreen 07 Aug 01 - 04:22 PM
Kim C 07 Aug 01 - 02:00 PM
Metchosin 07 Aug 01 - 01:31 PM
Barbara 07 Aug 01 - 12:01 PM
Bill D 07 Aug 01 - 11:42 AM
LR Mole 07 Aug 01 - 11:38 AM
GUEST 07 Aug 01 - 11:24 AM
mooman 07 Aug 01 - 11:18 AM
Trapper 07 Aug 01 - 10:36 AM
sian, west wales 07 Aug 01 - 10:25 AM
Grab 07 Aug 01 - 09:33 AM
catspaw49 06 Aug 01 - 10:51 PM
katlaughing 06 Aug 01 - 10:45 PM
RangerSteve 06 Aug 01 - 09:53 PM
Amos 06 Aug 01 - 07:52 PM
Shields Folk 06 Aug 01 - 07:30 PM
Shields Folk 06 Aug 01 - 06:58 PM
Brían 06 Aug 01 - 06:48 PM
Bill D 06 Aug 01 - 06:42 PM
Matthew Edwards 06 Aug 01 - 06:33 PM
brid widder 06 Aug 01 - 06:14 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Bernard
Date: 13 Aug 01 - 04:09 PM

The elephant is a pretty bird
She flits from bough to bough
She makes her nest in the Rhubarb Tree
And whistles like a cow...


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: lady penelope
Date: 13 Aug 01 - 03:56 PM

The Tay the Tay best river on earth
Goes past the ship yards every day
And up and doon te Perth
( It's always got a bed for the night
And it ai in touch wi the banks )

M. MacGonegal

TTFN M'Lady P.


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: GUEST
Date: 13 Aug 01 - 11:33 AM

refresh


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 13 Aug 01 - 03:25 AM

Also atrrib. to McGonagle (but probably by Anon):

The cow is a forlorn beast,
There's nothing more forlorner,
Standing in a field
With a leg at every corner.

Steve


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Bill D
Date: 12 Aug 01 - 08:52 PM

THE PLOVER AND THE CLOVER

The Plover and the Clover can be
    told apart with ease,
By paying close attention to the
    habits of the Bees,
For En-to-molo-gists aver, the Bee
    can be in Clover,
While Ety-molo-gists concur,
    there is no B in Plover.

    -- Robert Williams Wood


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: GUEST,genie
Date: 12 Aug 01 - 01:59 AM

Ogden was a Yank, as I recall, so why would he write "parlour"?


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Crazy Eddie
Date: 12 Aug 01 - 01:18 AM

Algy met the bear,
And the bear met Algy.
The bear was bulgy,
The bulge was Algy.


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Firecat
Date: 11 Aug 01 - 04:52 PM

You and your son have got taste Noreen, I'll say that! Which is your favoutir? Mine's Terrible Tudors or Angry Aztecs.


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Noreen
Date: 11 Aug 01 - 03:00 PM

Hi Firecat!

Sausages made out of dog meat?! :0)

Good books, those Horrible Histories, aren't they? My son bought them all as they came out, and I've used them in school too.

Noreen


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: 2feathers
Date: 11 Aug 01 - 11:45 AM

Fuzzy wuzzy wuz a bear Fuzzy wuzzy had no hair Fuzy wuzzy wuzn't fuzzy Wuz he?

Him has went Him has gone Him has left I all alone. Must I always go to he? Can't him never come to me? It can never was.

My mom used to recite:

Whose Izzy is he Is he yours or is he mine? I'm gettin' dizzy Watchin; Izzy all the time.


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: lady penelope
Date: 11 Aug 01 - 06:13 AM

Title : - Meditations of a Tortoise Dozing under a Rosetree at Noon while a Dog scampers about and a Cuckoo calls from a distant Wood.

So far as I can see
There is no one like me.

Soliloquy of a Tortoise on Revisiting the Lettuce Beds after an interval of one Hour while supposed to be sleeping in a clump of blue Hollyhocks.

One cannot have enough
Of this delicious stuff!

Night Thought of a Tortoise Suffering from Imsomnia on a Lawn.

The world is very flat
there is no doubt of that.

By Dr E.V. Rieu.

My Mother had a flit gun
It was devoid of charm
A bit of a flit shot out of it
The rest shot up her arm!

Pam Ayres

(To be read in a scottish accent )

I shot an arrow in the air
It fell te earth I know not where
But wit is mare I dinny care
For I've mare arrows up the stair!

On yonder hill there stood a coo
It must huv moved it's no there noo.

The Mad Maggonegal

TTFN M'Lady P.


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Crazy Eddie
Date: 11 Aug 01 - 02:08 AM

Little Spider the wall, You know you shouldn't be there at all.
Can't you see the wall's been plastered?
Get off the wall you dirty spider!

THE FLY
His maw is dead,
His paw is dead,
SPLAT!
Now he's dead.


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Firecat
Date: 10 Aug 01 - 07:30 AM

Noreen, I recognised that one about the little pig, but I know it as

Little dog
Crossing street
Motor car
Sausage meat.

I got it out of a book called Vile Victorians, by Terry Deary and illustrated by Martin Brown. It's part of the Horrible Histories series!


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: RangerSteve
Date: 09 Aug 01 - 08:42 PM

THE CLAM: Esteemed by gourmets highly, it lives the life of Riley. While you're relaxing on the piazza, that's what you're as happy as a.

O Nash, again.


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 09 Aug 01 - 04:50 PM

Into love and out again
Thus I am and thus I go
Hold your tongue and stay your pen
Well and bitterly I know
All the songs were ev er sung
All the words were ever said
Could it be when I was young
Someone dropped me on my head?
(Dorothy Parker)


Shipbored

That line is the horizon lind.
The blue above it is divine.
The blue below it is marine.
Sometimes the blue below is green.
Sometimes the blue below is white
Foreshadowing a windy night.
Sometimes the blue above is grey
Foreshadowing a cloudy day.
Sometimes a drifting coconut
Or albatross add color but
The blue above is mostly blue.
The blue below and I are too.
(John Updike)


I shot an arrow into the air
I don't know how it fell or where
But strangely enough at my journey's end
I found it again in the neck of a friend.
(Mad Magazine?)


In seventeen hundred and seventy six
A group of American mavericks
Denounced the yoke of tyranny,
The tax on stamps, the tax on tea.
Our fathers felt that they were fit
To tax themselves, and you'll admit
They have done very well at it.
(some magazine read when I was about 11, c. 1960)

Bat Goddess


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: paddymac
Date: 09 Aug 01 - 09:34 AM

Here's one I wrote after a few pints.

A MODEST REVENGE ON KILMER

If I should ever lucky be, I'd be a strapping, sapling tree, Where men and boys would stop to pee, And proudly say it's good for me.


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: GUEST,frances
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 03:58 PM

shortest story in the world
two hunters, one lion
one hunter, one lion
one lion


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: jeffp
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 01:53 PM

A green little chemist
On a green little day
Mixed some green little chemicals
In a green little way.
The green little grasses
Now tenderly wave
O'er the green little chemist's
Green little grave.

jeffp


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: The Walrus at work
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 01:41 PM

Alas for poor Johnny,
For Johnny is no more,
For what he thought was H20
Was H2SO4

But quickly up stepped Johhny's Dad,
A Chemist, bright, was he,
He swiftly dosed his young son up
With CaCO3

I regret that I can't remember the last verse in which Jonny explodes (from generatd gas).

Regards

Walrus


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Kim C
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 01:37 PM

This was composed by my comrade Tammy, a member of my knitting guild:

A naughty knitter named Nelly
Got a number 10* stuck in her belly
Never had it removed
Because it improved
The reception she got on the telly

*that's a big ol knittin needle, for those who don't knit


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Trapper
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 01:22 PM

Tarzan Tarzan through the air
Tarzan rip his underwear
Tarzan say, "Me no care
Jane fix my underwear."

Jane Jane through the air
Jane rip her underwear
Jane say, "Me no care
Boy fix my underwear."

Boy Boy through the air
Boy rip his underwear
Boy say, "Me no care
Cheetah fix my underwear."

Cheetah Cheetah through the air
Cheetah rip his underwear
Cheetah say, "Me no care
Me no WEAR no underwear!"

- Al


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 12:28 PM

As I was letting down my hair
I met a man who didn't care.
He didn't care again today--
I love 'em when they get that way!

Sure, deck your lower limbs in pants,
Yours are the legs, my sweeting;
You look divine as you advance ...
But have you seen yourself retreating?
(Ogden Nash again)

In the well that Father built her
Auntie fell; we must buy a filter.
(Hilaire Belloc?)

Lord [forgotten!] tried to fix the elctric light;
It struck him dead, and serve him right!
It is the duty of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan.
(Ditto--please offer corrections if poss.)

Steve


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Lyrical Lady
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 11:42 PM

Another by Ogden Nash ... "To keep your marriage brimming With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it, Whenever you're right, shut up"

Maybe it'll work ... who knows!

LL


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: GUEST,John Gray / Australia
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 11:26 PM

I think I've put this one up before, but I like it.
I once had a little dog named Ben,
Had nine arseholes, nearly ten,
Wouldn't eat bread - wouldn't eat crust,
But ate apple pie till he fuckin'near bust

JG / FME


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 11:13 PM

When I was a kidlet, in the late 30s, my aunt Lucille was fond of reciting this one, from HER childhood:

Little Isaac Eisenheimer
Thought he'd be a steeple climber.
Climbed to the top of St. Peter's steeple,
Then fell down and scared some people.
Broke the "-E.R." off his name--
Wasn't that a measly shame?
His father rushed up just in time
To pick up little Isaac Eisenheim!

She would still sometimes recite this at family gatherings, up until her death in her 80s.

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 10:17 PM

...And Then the Prince Knelt Down and Tried to Put the Glass Slipper on Cinderella's Foot

I really didn't notice that he had a funny nose.
And he certainly looked better all dressed up in fancy clothes.
He's not nearly as attractive as he seemed the other night.
So I think I'll just pretend that this glass slipper feels too tight.

By Judith Viorst


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Peter K (Fionn)
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 05:02 PM

LR, I remember Piet Hein's grooks with awe. They used to appear regularly in Punch sometime in the mid-60s. For instance:

Just beyond perception's reach
I vaguely seem to see
That life is two locked boxes, each
Wrapped round the other's key.

And yet another from Spike, penned years before greenhouse gases had got on to the agenda:

I saw a woman in Kensington Gore
Take her Rolls-Royce to the grocer's store.
All she bought was a dozen eggs.
When I go shopping, I travel on legs.

This one was accompanied by two sketches labelled WRONG and RIGHT. The first was a cardboard cut-out Roller of the conventionally wheeled variety, the second was another cut-out Roller, but this time fitted with four rotating lags, front and aft.

Can't resist squeezing in just one more from Spike:

As they placed the crown upon his head
Prince Charles turned round and said
"I suppose this means that mummy's dead?"


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Bernard
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 04:46 PM

Today I saw a little worm
A-wriggling on his belly
Perhaps he'd like to come inside
And see what's on the telly?! Milligan...


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Noreen
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 04:40 PM

Piggy on the railway
Picking up stones,
Along came an engine
And broke piggy's bones.
"Oh," said Piggy,
"That's not fair!"
"Ha!" said the engine driver,
"I don't care!"


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Noreen
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 04:22 PM

Reading these keeps bringing back childhood poems such as

Little pig
Crossing street
Rushing car
Sausage meat


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Kim C
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 02:00 PM

Spaw! I haven't heard that one in eons!!!!! :-D


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Metchosin
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 01:31 PM

Last night I saw upon the stair
A little man who wasn't there
He wasn't there again today
Oh how I wish he'd go away.

and

How I loves them little mousies
Mousies what I loves to eat
Likes to bites they tiny heads off
Nibbles on they tiny feet.


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Barbara
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 12:01 PM

"Little Willies" were common in the US back in the 20's and 30's maybe? I learned several from my parents and grandparents.
Little Willie, dressed in sashes
Fell in the fire and burnt to ashes
After while the room grew chilly
Because no one wanted to stir up Willie

Willie playing by the track
Didn't hear the engine squeal
Now the train is coming back
Scraping Willie off the wheel

There's another varianton the train track theme whose last two lines are:
The neighbors were surprised to find
How travel broadened Willie's mind

My mother's favorite: Little Willie's dead and gone
We'll never see him more
For what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4

And for silliness, I always liked this Robert Frost poem:

I stepped on the toe
Of an unemployed hoe
It rose in offense
And struck me a blow
On the seat of my sense
I must say it dealt
Me a blow that I felt
Like malice prepense
Now wasn't there a rule
that a weapon
should be turned into a tool?
But what do I see?
The first tool I step on
Turns into a weapon.

Blessings,
Barbara


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Bill D
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 11:42 AM

The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks,
Which practically conceals it's sex.
I think it clever of the turtle,
In such a fix, to be so fertile.

Odgen, of course


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: LR Mole
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 11:38 AM

As to "parlour floor":my Readers' Encyclopedia says Ogden Nash was born in America, so I don't imagine he would have added that old-world "u" to parlor (or as we pronounce it around here,pahlla.)
Piet Hein wrote a number of poems, called "Grooks". A fad at one time.
And of a poet mentioned already, this from Dorothy Parker:
I'd rather flunk my Wasserman test
Than read a poem by Edgar A. Guest.


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 11:24 AM

My sister Lauras bigger than me
And picks me up quite easily
I cant lift her I've tried and tried
She must have something heavy inside

Spike Milligan


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: mooman
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 11:18 AM

A couple of extra short ones from memory, forgotten the authors although the first is by a well-known Glaswegian poet and the second won a prize in a schoolchildrens' poetry contest.

Nae hat an' the rain pouring doon
Oh dearie me

The grocery
Was out of broccoli
Luckily

mooman


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Trapper
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 10:36 AM

A couple more from Ogden Nash...

I pity thee, O Octopus,
If I were thee, I'd call me "Us"

A panther's like a leopard
Except it isn't peppered
If you behold a panther crouch
Prepare to say "Ouch"
And if you are called by a panther
Don't Anther.

- Al


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: sian, west wales
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 10:25 AM

Losing one glove is certainly painful
But nothing compared to the pain
Of losing one
Throwing away the other
And finding the first one again.

By a Danish poet in ... the 60s? I think his name was Piet Hein...

sian


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Grab
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 09:33 AM

I believe this was a Jody Call...

Uncle Bert and Auntie Mabel,
Fell asleep at the breakfast table.
Let that be an awful warning
Not to do it in the morning.
Ovaltine has put them right,
Now they do it day and night.
Uncle Bert is hoping soon
To do it in the afternoon.
Hark the herald angels sing,
"Ovaltine's a damn fine thing."

Graham.


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: catspaw49
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 10:51 PM

Cleaned that one up some, huh Amos?

Gene, Gene,
Built a machine.
Frank, Frank,
Turned the crank.
Joe, Joe,
Made it go.
Art, Art,
Let a fart,
And blew the whole damn thing apart.

From me you were expecting it weren't you....What else.............

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: katlaughing
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 10:45 PM

From the 1918 flu epidemic:

"... I had a little bird
Its name was Enza.
I opened the window,
And in-flu-enza!"


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: RangerSteve
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 09:53 PM

When dear Aunt May fell off the boat,
And couldn't swim and wouldn't float,
Matilda just stood there and smiled.
I really could have slapped that child.


I had a dream. It was my own dream. I dreamt it.
I dreamed my hair was kempt, and my own true love unkempt it.


In the family wishing well,
Willie pushed his sister Nell.
She's there yet because it kilt her,
Now we'll have to buy a filter.

Willie, with a thirst for gore,
Nailed the baby to the door.
Mother said with humor quaint,
"Careful, Bill. Don't mar the paint."

The one about the dream is by Ogden Nash. The others I'm not sure about.


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 07:52 PM

Hurray, hurray! The first of May! Outdoor sex Begins today!


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Shields Folk
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 07:30 PM

Arf, Arf he goes, a merry sight,
Our little hairy friend,
Arf,Arf, upon the lampost bright
Arfing round the bend.
Nice dog! Goo boy,
waggie tail and beg,
Clever Nigel jump for joy
because we're putting you to sleep at three of the clock Nigel.

John Lennon


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Shields Folk
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 06:58 PM

I wish I was a caterpillar, life would be a farce. sliding down the plants and trees and sliding on my....

...hands and knees.


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Brían
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 06:48 PM

I have heard that verse about "my brother Tim" sung to VILLIKENS HIS DINAH.

Brían.


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Bill D
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 06:42 PM

(first line of above.."Little Willie in the best of sashes")

"Ah, yes, I wrote "The Purple Cow"
I'm sorry now I wrote it.
But I can tell you anyhow,
I'll kill you if you quote it!

Gelette (sp?) Burgess

"Edgar A. Guest
Is never at his best."

"I sneezed a sneeze into the air;
It fell to earth, I know not where.
But hard & cold were the looks of those,
In whose vicinity I had snoze"


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: Matthew Edwards
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 06:33 PM

I wish that this room had a floor,
I don't care so much for a door,
But walking around
Without touching the ground,
Is getting to be such a bore.


As I was going down the stair,
I met a man who wasn't there,
He wasn't there again today;
I wish, I wish, he'd go away.


Fell in the fire, and burned to ashes.
Now, although the room grows chilly,
I haven't the heart to poke poor Billy.


I never saw a purple cow,
And hope I never see one.
But I can tell you anyhow,
I'd rather see than be one.

Several examples dredged up from my subconscious. Heaven knows where they came from!


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Subject: RE: BS: REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT POEM
From: brid widder
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 06:14 PM

this one is all my own work....

when it came to features I didn't have a lot of luck I was right at the back of the queue I think and what I got given I took when I was younger it bothered me but now I don't give a fuck I once was an ugly duckling well now I'm am ugly duck


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