Song Challenge! - Part 63

Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: Áine
Date: 06 Aug 01 - 08:57 PM

Dear Challenge!rs,

Whilst cleaning up the old Song Challenge! files, getting ready for the Songbook's big move 'home', I found several Challenge! ideas that seem to be tied together in some, like, ya know, cosmic way, man. ;-) So, being that goddesses have to be cruel to be kind (oh behave, Amos!), I've decided to raise the bar for the Whole Bag O' Chips by creating a new award -- The Double Dip Copper Cow Chip (with Sprinkles), which will be awarded for connecting the dizzying dots between two or more Challenge! ideas in a song for any Official Double Dip Dare from the Keeper of the Book.

And for my first 'Official' Double Dip Dare, please do not adjust your seat belts and consider the following . . .

First, boys who play with their praties . . .

OSLO, Norway -- Police have confiscated a potentially lethal home-made cannon capable of firing potatoes up to 160 feet.

Six youths in the seaside town of Kristiansand in southern Norway used instructions on the Internet to build the weapon from everyday household objects.

"This home-made weapon is extremely dangerous both for those using it and those being fired at," a police spokesman told the newspaper Faedrelandsvennen.

The boys loaded potatoes down a plastic tube, where an electric ignition device from a gas-fuelled barbecue was installed.

By spraying a flammable gas into the tube and sealing the open end with a cap, potatoes were converted into projectiles with one push of the red ignition button.

Police said the cannon was capable of launching any object similar in size and weight to potatoes.

. . . grow up to be men with issues . . .

London's Steve Bennett continues his quest to become the world's most successful amateur rocket engineer, with all systems go for launching himself into space in a "test flight" (to an altitude of 10,000 feet) in 2003 on a venture that most professional engineers called foolhardy, according to a June story reported by the BBC.

The more that is known about Bennett's mission (e.g., he recently said it would be a rocket capsule made from a cement mixer, with modest installation and a small computer), the more rocket scientists believe his launch will result in instant death.

However, the louder the criticism, the more certain of himself Bennett professes to be. He still rejects conventional preparations such as wind-tunnel tests and g-force tests: "That is what the test flight is for," he said.

Dip Away, Challenge!rs!!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: Philibuster
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 12:04 AM

This one hits close to home.
I have my own experiences with backyard artillery, though MY cannon is designed to shoot pecans. I've launced the suckers over the horizon. It also works well loaded up with dog food and fired at squirells to keep the little bastards out of the pecan tree.
No song till tommorow, I don't trust this piece of crap comp I'm on to be able to last while I type the lyrics in.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 03:03 AM

One song about two topics, with a bonus and also related topic (feel free to use it folks)

Odd Projectiles

The Martian invaders are coming
Those enemys so arch.
There's only one thing to stop them
They're allergic to starch

Projectile potatoes
Launched from an orbiting gun
the one thing better than SDI,
Steve Bennett Number one

For our problem he's the fixer
In a rocket powered mixer
The number one elixer
And this just ain't no trick sir

In Canada they have the chicken cannon
For testing airframes and birds
We'll combine it with the potato gun
For the latest word

The latest word in fast food
Well make the fastest food around
For we deliver every day
At half the speed of sound

We promise your delivery
No sir we aren't shivery
Gizzard neck and livery
20 milliseconds or its free

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: MMario
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 08:40 AM

*choke* Jack - you caught me in mid swallow with :

The latest word in fast food
Well make the fastest food around
For we deliver every day
At half the speed of sound

Ever tried to laugh and swallow at the same time? Can be dangerous!

yes, I should know better then to drink and read challenges at the same time...but I'm a slow learner.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: Áine
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 10:07 AM

Congratulations Jack, you're our very first Double Dip Winner!! Great song to start this Challenge! off with, too. Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

We promise your delivery
No sir we aren't shivery
Gizzard neck and livery
20 milliseconds or its free

Way to go! -- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 10:08 AM

Thank MMario, Tough Challenge Aine, ... good one! For once, I am out of ideas

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: MMario
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 11:28 AM

SEND ME UP IN A ROCKET
(tune: Take me out to the ballgame [sorta])

Send me up in a rocket
Shoot me to outer space
Load the potatoes and let them blast
I don't care if they blow out my ass!
Soon it's three, two one, and then take-off!
If it doesn't work it's a shame!
Test it out? what the heck, it's only my neck!
In this space-race game!

When I was just a wee lad
I liked to make things go boom
Made them spuds go 'most 200 feet
That was a record that no-one has beat!
Now I'll ride, ride, ride in my mixer
at least to ten thousand feet
And potatoes, pa-tooties out rockets will shooty
In the space-race game!

Send me up in a rocket
Shoot me to outer space
Load the potatoes and let them blast
I don't care if they blow out my ass!
Soon it's three, two one, and then take-off!
If it doesn't work it's a shame!
Test it out? what the heck, it's only my neck!
In this space-race game!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: Áine
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 11:36 AM

Well done, dear MMario!! That one put a big smile on my face indeed. Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

Send me up in a rocket
Shoot me to outer space
Load the potatoes and let them blast
I don't care if they blow out my ass!
Soon it's three, two one, and then take-off!
If it doesn't work it's a shame!
Test it out? what the heck, it's only my neck!
In this space-race game!


-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: MMario
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 11:48 AM

rumour hath it that Steve Bennett's middle name is either "Reg" or "Cletus" *snicker*

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: JenEllen
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 12:04 PM

LOL MMario! Perfect! 7th inning shoot-off?

Okay, only because this is stuck in my head now (thanks GG *bg*) So yeah, it's pop-creep, if you have your cannons loaded, please don't shoot!

Rocket Spud (Rocket Man)

They packed my fries last night pre-flight
Zero hour nine a.m.
And I'm gonna be missle defense from Idaho by then
To keep the farmers farming is what they thought
The bonus spent in war
Shot from a tater-gun

And I think it's gonna be a long long time
Until they implement 'Eyes in the Sky'
I'm not the spud they think I am at home
Oh no, I'm a rocket spud
Rocket spud, Mr Potato Head can save your home

Mars ain't the kind of place they say it is
You'll freeze your tots right off
Worse than the freezer section in the grocery store
Some wise-assed kids, and a scientist
Proposed this to the pentagon
Rocket spuds, the rocket spuds

And I think it's gonna be a long long time
Until they implement 'Eyes in the Sky'
I'm not the spud they think I am at home
Oh no, I'm a Rocket Spud
Rocket Spud, Mr Potato Head can save your home
Rocket Spud...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 12:13 PM

Excellent, MMario, You too Jen.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: MMario
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 12:46 PM

And now a word from our sponsors

Bennett's Space Spuds! Remember that good down-home feeling of Quaker Oats? Just like Quaker Oats, Bennett's Space Spuds are shot from guns! Every one of our crunchy potato crisps is guaranteed to have been been ejected straight up at a muzzle velocity of over 1000 feet per second - which means they not only are cooked by the friction of passage through the atmosphere on their way to a minimum altitude of 10,000 feet - but they are twice cooked on the return to earth!!!! Bennett's space Spuds! A treat that truly has been out of this world!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: Áine
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 01:10 PM

Hey MMario, I love the advert!! ;-)

And to JenEllen, another well-earned Silver B.L.O.B. for:

And I think it's gonna be a long long time
Until they implement 'Eyes in the Sky'
I'm not the spud they think I am at home
Oh no, I'm a rocket spud
Rocket spud, Mr Potato Head can save your home

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: mousethief
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 03:14 PM

A Little Bitty Spud
(tune: A Little Bitty Tear)

I said I was launching tomorrow
Say goodbye to earth's cold clay
In space there would be no more sorrow
I'd laugh at all those who said nay

But a little bitty spud shot me down
Spoiled my flight above town
I was expecting a gentle touch-down
But a little bitty spud shot me down

NASA is always a sorehead
Says no-one else ought to try
It's not like I'm launching a warhead
But I've always just wanted to fly

Then a little bitty spud shot me down
(etc.; repeat chorus)

The scientists all laughed about me
I told them I'd have the last grin
They'll have to keep laughing without me
Those damned Norwegian kids did me in

When... (repeat chorus 2x & fade)

Copyright ©2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

line break added by mudelf ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: Áine
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 05:41 PM

Ah, mousethief, what a wistful entry . . . sniff, sniff . . . very cockle warming, don't ya know. ;-) Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

NASA is always a sorehead
Says no-one else ought to try
It's not like I'm launching a warhead
But I've always just wanted to fly

Well done, Alex! -- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 05:46 PM

Well, folks, I am stunned. I think I'll "pull an Áine" and take mah pickaxe out back and thresh a while. You guys are too good for me!! :>) Absolutely fine, first rate, top drawer song-tweaking!!

A.

fada added by mudelf ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: mousethief
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 11:20 PM

What's a fada?

Alex

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: MMario
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 08:32 AM

the husband of a muda

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: Áine
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 08:44 AM

Thanks mudelf, for putting the fada on my 'A'!

And Alex, a 'fada' is that funky little mark over the first letter in my name - Á

OK, Irish grammer lesson over -- Back to the music makin'!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: MMario
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 09:24 AM

Hello muddah! Hello fadah!
I just shot a red hot spud-ah!
Dropped it into
a plastic tube
Pressed the button red
and then it went off "BOOM!"

Baked potatoes
Really splattah
when they hit on
solid mat-tah!
When they're going
fast and furious
thought I'd tell you that in case you're curious

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 09:38 AM

Steven Bennett is a bounder
and soon will be a nodda rounda
In his cement
Mixer capsule
Don't know if he's a genius or a fool

As the launch date is approaching
Common sense will start encroaching
Maybe then he'll
listen to reasoning
Or end up like baked potato without seasoning

I had to try and finish it for you MMario!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: MMario
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 09:41 AM

Thanks Jack - w*rk is interupting me on a regular basis today - makes it hard to think.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: MMario
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 09:42 AM

Besides - as a double dip- makes sense to have it co-written!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 01:24 PM

Sounds good to me...cool song!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: mousethief
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 01:35 PM

Take me home, O cement mixer!
Take me home, and do it quixer!
Don't leave me up here in orbit
Where I might get beaten by a spud
Take me home, I only wanna
Touch the ground, O mixer bwana
Now I've found my fuel elixer's
Fine, and I just want to land...

Alex

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: Áine
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 06:07 PM

Ain't collaboration wunnerful?? Since we've got three of you writing the song, then I guess I have to come up with three Silver B.L.O.B.s . . . ah, shoot, here ya go:

To MMario for:
Baked potatoes
Really splattah
when they hit on
solid mat-tah!
When they're going
fast and furious
thought I'd tell you that in case you're curious

To Jack the Sailor for:
Steven Bennett is a bounder
and soon will be a nodda rounda
In his cement
Mixer capsule
Don't know if he's a genius or a fool

And to mousethief for his chorus:
Take me home, O cement mixer!
Take me home, and do it quixer!
Don't leave me up here in orbit
Where I might get beaten by a spud
Take me home, I only wanna
Touch the ground, O mixer bwana
Now I've found my fuel elixer's
Fine, and I just want to land...

Well done, you three!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 06:11 PM

Mixer BWANA???? Mousethief, you reallly are too much!! Well done, man!!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: Áine
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 06:26 PM

OK, ok, ok -- Have I made this Challenge! too hard (Amos, I said behave!!)??? Must have, from the lack of the usual response from my darlin's . . .

So, I hereby give you all leave to pick either one of the Challenge!s, or go for the The Double Dip Copper Cow Chip (with Sprinkles). Happy now??

No more excuses, pholks -- Get to writin' them songs! ;-)

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: MMario
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 07:47 PM

it could just be too dang hot!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 08:17 PM

Too hard? C'mon, TGG -- this is a trick, right?

The Leader of the Granola Community

Tune: "Ruler of the Queen's Navy", G. S. Gilbert

When I was a lad I made a try,
At designing weapons that would shoot french fries
I'd raid the larder with a couple of friends,
But what made it harder is the fries would bend!
 

I raided mother's larder with a hand so deft
That now I am the pride of the Granola Left!
He raided mother's larder with a hand so deft
That now he is  the pride of the Granola Left!

Though my french-fry firing was a dud
I graduated quickly up to hard-boiled spuds
With a three-foot tube from plumbing stock
I was knocking off the pigeons on the village clock!

    I slaughtered all those pigeons with a bang so loud
    That now I am the pride of the Granola Crowd!
    He slaughtered all those pigeons with a bang so loud
    That now he is the pride of the Granola Crowd!

From shooting spuds I learned my style
And I got them elevated up to half-a-mile
Then I moved ahead, onto grander schemes
Pursuing all the dreams that a man can dream!
 

I followed my dreams with such alacrity
That now I am the head of the Granola Free!
He followed his dreams with such alacrity
That now he is  the head of the Granola Free!
 

As a grown man now I  have vanquished fear,
I intend to launch myself into the stratosphere
Though lesser mortals my demur,
My wife wants me to do it and I side with her!
 

With a cement tub as a space-capsule
I will be the highest star  in the Granola School!
With a cement tub as his space capsule
He will be the highest star in the Granola School!
 

So all you lads with a yen for fun,
Just take your inspiration from what i have done
Pursue your dreams, and build a name,
Never matter if it leaves your body wrapped in flames!
 

Pursue your visions, and you soon will be
The biggest nut of all on the Granola tree!
Pursue your visions ,and you soon will be
The biggest nut of all on the Granola tree!

 

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: Áine
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 08:44 PM

Ah, now that's more like it! Thank you my dear BOTF, for an excellent entry. Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

Though my french-fry firing was a dud
I graduated quickly up to hard-boiled spuds
With a three-foot tube from plumbing stock
I was knocking off the pigeons on the village clock!

Wunnerful, wunnerful, wunnerful . . .

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: Philibuster
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 10:25 PM

Talkin' Ballistics Blues

Spuds flyin' round the great blue sky,
The sheriff he stares and wonders why,
Seems some boys was launchin' potatos,
Beans, corn, rice and big tomatos.

Tag: Stuff like that's dangerous...mashed potatos could mash skulls.

Seems these guys had built a cannon,
Into it their garden they was jammin',
Sheriff said "Hey boys, that's against the law."
"Flyin' vegetables aren't allowed!"

Tag: Not in this county...not in the one your shootin' em into either.

Ole Sherrif sat and waited for an excuse,
(But there just ain't one for launchin' refuse)
But them boys knew they was mighty clever,
They huddled up and put their heads together.

Tag: We're helping the needy sir!... Sendin' em to hungry kids in Ethiopia!

Well that was all a few years back,
Now one of those boys decided to crack,
Shot himself into space in a cement mixer,
Came back down with blood a whole lot thicker.

Tag: Jellied idiot...Gravity loves stupidity.

Now we sit and laugh and wonder why,
Some idjut would shoot himself into the sky,
But even though our warnings he would not heed,
It still had a better chance than the X-33!

Tag: Skunkworks....makin' stuff that don't work.

(fade out.)

=P

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: mousethief
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 11:50 PM

TOO HARD?! Them's fightin' words!

The Spud Gun Law
tune: Titanic (à la Pink Anderson)

Well away up north in Norway
They keep their kids in hand
They don't let teens
Have fun on sea or land
First they outlawed chewing gum
And if you think that was dumb,
It was sad when the spud-gun law was passed

Oh it was sad!
Oh it was sad!
It was sad when the spud-gun law was passed
(they harassed those poor kids!)
Backyard devic-es we hid from prying eyes
It was sad when the spud-gun law was passed

Little Sven Olafsen's buddies
Were tired of BB guns
When Sven built something
That turned out lots of fun
They could shoot a one-pound tuber
At Mrs. Bjorn's left -um- side
It was sad when the spud-gun law was passed

(repeat chorus)

They would probably have gotten
Away with it for years
Till an evil plan
Jumped in between Sven's ears
Then he aimed his spud-gun low
At the sherriff's daughter's beau
It was sad when the spud-gun law was passed

(repeat chorus)

Soon the Kristiansand police
Had surrounded those six boys
And they took away
Their mortar-firing toy
And the town soon passed a law
Making spud launching a flaw
It was sad when the spud-gun law was passed

(repeat chorus)

Copyright ©2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: mousethief
Date: 09 Aug 01 - 12:06 AM

My Beautiful Cement Mixer
tune: My Beautiful Balloon (Up Up and Away)
(did you know Jimmy Webb wrote that song? I didn't!)

Would you like to churn in my beautiful cement mixer?
Would you like to burn in my beautiful cement mixer?
We could fall to earth in cinders like two stupid fools

But we'd have ruled!
While NASA drooled!
Up, up and away in my beautiful cement mixer!

The world's way down below my beautiful cement mixer
Wish I'd thought of a way to slow my beautiful cement mixer
We can blaze along the ionosphere in a silver gleam!

While we stream!
And our entrails steam!
Up, up and away in my beautiful cement mixer!

We'll shoot up ten thousand feet in minutes
While the G-forces really thin us!
And if by some chance we come down alive
We'll tell the press "we told you!
Although we'd hate to scold you!"

Death is waiting there in my beautiful cement mixer!
We'll wish we'd brought some air in my beautiful cement mixer!
If you hold my hand, our charred remains will mingle through!

Oh we turned blue!
'Fore we were stew!
Up up and away! Up up and away!
Down down and kersplat! Down down and kersplat!

(repeat and fade mercifully)

Copyright ©2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: Áine
Date: 09 Aug 01 - 12:24 AM

Glad to see y'all are answerin' the call! ;-) Here are your Silver B.L.O.B.s for daring to dare!!

To Philibuster for:

Seems these guys had built a cannon,
Into it their garden they was jammin',
Sheriff said "Hey boys, that's against the law."
"Flyin' vegetables aren't allowed!"

To mousethief (with snogs to all his relevant body parts, whether he wants them or not - hahaha!):

They would probably have gotten
Away with it for years
Till an evil plan
Jumped in between Sven's ears
Then he aimed his spud-gun low
At the sherriff's daughter's beau
It was sad when the spud-gun law was passed

AND for:

But we'd have ruled!
While NASA drooled!
Up, up and away in my beautiful cement mixer!

Bee-a-u-tee-mouse!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: Áine
Date: 09 Aug 01 - 12:41 AM

OK, here is your GG's effort for this Challenge! (which pales considerably in comparison with her darlin' Challenge!rs meritorious melodiousnesses . . . can you tell I've had two glasses of wine??) I just hope that my small offering brings forth the hoped for 'ah gee' effect that I was strivin' for . . .

Would You Like to Sail to the Stars?
(Tune: Would You Like to Swing on a Star by Johnny Burke & Jimmy Van Heusen -- Click here for the tune)


Chorus:
Would you like to sail to the stars?
Even maybe colonize Mars?
Do a crawl of outer space bars?
Or would you rather shoot your spud?

The first shot was scheduled up in cold Nor-o-way,
Where they don't know if it is night or day.
After raiding Momma's kitchen and their Dad's workshop,
Those fair-haired boys could make the taters pop!
And although they didn't make it to the moon,
They did a lot with just a spoon!

Chorus:
Would you like to sail to the stars?
Even maybe colonize Mars?
Do a crawl of outer space bars?
Or would you rather leave like Steve?

Mr. Bennett was a player, that just has to be said,
He claimed he had visions in his head,
His version of a mixer was the hottest in town,
But it wasn't very cool when he hit the ground,
And his wife was heard to say, when he fell flat,
'Steve, would you like fries with that?'

Chorus:
Would you like to sail to the stars?
Even maybe colonize Mars?
Do a crawl of outer space bars?
Or would you rather be a 'Cat?

A 'Cat is a person who is right in the know,
And sure ain't just like your average 'Joe'.
A 'Cat loves to warble, strum, or tickle the keys,
And in the net of ether, a 'Cat is the bee's knees,
So, if you really want to go to 'outer space',
The Mudcat is the only place!

Final Chorus:
The true explorers aren't in the air,
Answer the Challenge!, that's if you dare,
Mirth and music welcome you there,
No need to hang around in bars,
You could be swinging with the STARS!


This one is dedicated especially to our one and only Mad Max, and all my wonderful Challenge!rs, past, present and future.

Le meas is grá, Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: MMario
Date: 09 Aug 01 - 08:59 AM

*wiping tears from eyes*

ya got the "aw gee!" factor just right, there, ma'am!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: mousethief
Date: 09 Aug 01 - 10:31 AM

Having come into a steady (if illicit) supply of Silver B.L.O.B.s, I hereby give, decree, donate, and otherwise bestow one to our Gaelic Goddess for:

Would you like to sail to the stars?
Even maybe colonize Mars?
Do a crawl of outer space bars?
Or would you rather shoot your spud?

Alex

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 01 - 11:08 AM

Aooogah!!! Aooogah!!! Call Bill Gates!!! Someone's been smuggling out truckfuls of Silver BLOBs!!! Unauthorized BLOBS detected in black market!! Call the Feds!!!

Well, on the other hand she sure does deserve it!!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 09 Aug 01 - 11:32 AM

Now that Mr. Berlin has ceased his subteranian rotation, It is time to start another songwriter a spinning in his tomb.

With apologies to Cole Porter

De Fence Me In

Steve Bennett, Feeling mighty brave
Was sitting his hand in his pocket
Dubya said to him, your life I'm gonna save
Don't launch that rocket

(cause we........) Defend our land and our band
from the missles up above
Defence me in

Make our nuclear threat like a gauntlet in a glove
Defence me in

Let me fire interceptor's like a fried potatoe (Quail Spelling)
To protect ourselves and our friends in Nato
Safe from rogue missles wouldn't that be great, Oh!
Defence me in

So dismantle flying mixer and be quick sir
We don't tolerate rogue states
Launching spuds at the scuds never duds
will make Iraq irate
I want to make empty threats till the Russians test us
No Cuban Commies ever will infest us
The Chinese people also will detest us
De fence me in.

duplicate post deleted by mudelf ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: mousethief
Date: 09 Aug 01 - 01:53 PM

Admiral, Jack! I mean admirable.

Fire a Couple More Missles
tune: Come a Little Bit Closer (Jay and the Americans)

In a little café on the other side of the Neva
We were a-sippin' our drinks, and not thinking of coldwar endeavahs
When a rocket flew overhead
It was red white and blue, and I said,
"This must be World War Three,"
Then I heard the bartender say-yay-yay:

Fire a couple more missles, that's my kinda plan
So tough and so strong
Fire a couple more missles, The end is in sight
And nuclear winter's so long!

Well we started to head for the shelter down in the basement
Then we realized what Bush's tests up in outer space meant
But what we had no way to know
Was that the missile that started the show
Was a fool in a home-made rocket, who would never say-yay-yay:

Fire a couple more missles, that's my kinda plan
So tough and so strong
Fire a couple more missles, The end is in sight
And nuclear winter's so long!

Now they say the man that started World War 3 was a tinker
Made a rocket from a cement mixer, yeah, quite a thinker
His rocket lifted with grace
Right up into Russian airspace
And when they shot him down it was the just the start of doomsday-yay-yay

Fire a couple more missles, that's my kinda plan
So tough and so strong
Fire a couple more missles, The end is in sight
And nuclear winter's so long!

Copyright ©2001 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 09 Aug 01 - 03:58 PM

Love that Strangelove humour!

Good one Alex!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: Áine
Date: 09 Aug 01 - 07:15 PM

Gee, thanks for the B.L.O.B., mousethief! That just made my day . . . now let's talk about the tiny little dink it got in it when it fell off that truck . . . ;-)

Oh, Jack the Sailor, that is a goodun, no brag just fact, sir. Here's an extra kiss on all your cheeks for the fantastic internal rhymes and your Silver B.L.O.B. for:
So dismantle flying mixer and be quick sir
We don't tolerate rogue states
Launching spuds at the scuds never duds
will make Iraq irate

And mousethief, your song is very provocative. Well done, and a very nice turn of the spud. Here's yet another Silver B.L.O.B. for:
Well we started to head for the shelter down in the basement
Then we realized what Bush's tests up in outer space meant
But what we had no way to know
Was that the missile that started the show
Was a fool in a home-made rocket, who would never say-yay-yay

Luv y'all, Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: Scotsbard
Date: 09 Aug 01 - 07:30 PM

Egads ... My brother built one of those potato cannons years ago, and used it to decorate passing boxcars with Idaho's finest mashers. *L*

I'll have to get back to ya on this one ...

~S~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: GUEST,SharonA at the library
Date: 09 Aug 01 - 07:49 PM

Man, ya go on vacation for ONE WEEK -- and I just HAD to pick the hottest week of this year :^( -- and not only is there a new Challenge!, and not only is it a double-dip Challenge!, but now there's a whole new AWARD to be won! And now the library's about to close and they're booting me off the 'puter!!! (some %*@&$ vacation) Awrighty, I'll see what I can think up overnight.

SharonA

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: GUEST,SharonA at the library - it's too hot for va
Date: 10 Aug 01 - 12:15 PM

Perhaps I should entitle this post " 'How I Spent My Summer Vacation' by SharonA" (still, writing Song Challenge! songs is better than suffocating in the record-breaking heat outside... and MUCH better than having to go to work!) I have two songs; I'll post each one separately, for the sake of the little library computer!


SPACE SPUDDITY
(Tune: "Space Oddity" by David Bowie)

Ground Control to Minor Steve,
Ground Control to Minor Steve:
Stuff your ce-ment mixer in the plastic sleeve.

Ground Control to Minor Steve: (10, 9, 8...)
We wish you'd hurry up and leave! (7, 6, 5, 4...)
Push red button, and take spuds away with youuuuu... (3, 2, 1, pi** off)

This is Ground Control to Minor Steve:
You freely paid for Grade-
-A potatoes just to show us, in the air,
How they're fine for heaving -- ask us if we care!

This is Minor Steve to Ground Control:
I'm stepping on some mashed
Red potatoes, and I'll be one if I crash
And the world will have another little gash

For here am I sitting in a mixer,
Low above the world.
Taters are my crew
And there's spuds in my Mac, too.

Though I've passed potatoes -- piles and piles --
I'm feeling paranoid
'Cause their eyes all watch me ev'rywhere I go.
Tell these spuds I need a little "space" -- they grow!

Ground Control to Minor Steve:
You're just as nuts as we believe.
Man, you're queer, see, Minor Steve!
Man, you're queer, see, Minor Steve!
Man, you're queer, see, Minor Steve!
Man, you're queeeeer...

...am I sitting in my mixer,
Low above the lawn.
Taters are my crew
And their expiration's due...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: GUEST,SharonA still at the library- it's still hot
Date: 10 Aug 01 - 12:35 PM

Oops! My GUEST moniker in my post above originally ended with "it's too hot for vacation", but the tail end of the phrase dropped off (overridden by the "GUEST," prefix).

Here's my second song:


SIXTEEN SPUDS
(Tune: "Sixteen Tons")

Some people say an astronaut is a stud.
A young man's rocket's made of plastic and spud,
Plastic and spud and bar-be-cues,
A mind that's freaked by the veg it spews.

You load sixteen spuds; what do you get?
They hover way overhead, as steep as a jet.
Say, Steven, won't you call me 'cause I can go
And load your ol' mixer -- up it will soar.

I was born here during Nineteen-Sixty-and-Nine,
Just when Armstrong and Aldrin said, "The moon is all mine."
Now I load sixteen spuds of pure Idaho
Although Norway says, "Don't do that no mo'."

You load sixteen spuds; what do you get?
They hover way overhead, as steep as a jet.
Say, Steven, won't you call me 'cause I can go
And load your ol' mixer -- up it will soar.

I was born for soaring; I'm a little insane.
"Flight", "Wing" and "Hubble" are my middle name.
I was raised south of Oslo by an ol' Viking clan.
Ain't no high too far; I'm an explorin' man.

You load sixteen spuds; what do you get?
They hover way overhead, as steep as a jet.
Say, Steven, won't you call me 'cause I can go
And load your ol' mixer -- up it will soar.

If you see spuds comin', better step inside:
A lot of them julienned, a lot of them fried.
One "first" I'm tryin', no others believe:
In a flight to spud heaven, I will lift-off Steve.

I'll load mixer, but... what does he get?
A hovering mother, then a heap of regret.
Say, Steven, don't you bawl because it can't go:
They're slow; they roll. I've flown mixers before.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: Áine
Date: 10 Aug 01 - 04:34 PM

Well, SharonA, when you're hot, you're hot! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B.s for:

Though I've passed potatoes -- piles and piles --
I'm feeling paranoid
'Cause their eyes all watch me ev'rywhere I go.
Tell these spuds I need a little "space" -- they grow

AND for (I just love the last line!):

I'll load mixer, but... what does he get?
A hovering mother, then a heap of regret.
Say, Steven, don't you bawl because it can't go:
They're slow; they roll. I've flown mixers before.

Roll on, Sister, roll on!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: mousethief
Date: 10 Aug 01 - 04:38 PM

My crown! My crown! I shall lose it to this vacationing lyricist! :-P

SharonA, you're amazing!

Alex

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 63
From: GUEST,SharonA at the library
Date: 11 Aug 01 - 11:41 AM

Aw, shuckins, thanks! And no, Alex, you're in no danger of losing your crown... not if you can make a Double-Dip song out of "Come a Little Bit Closer" (that IS quite cool!).

SharonA